


Take Two Round Two

by Irishshift



Series: Third fang verse [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Death, Epic Length, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 286,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irishshift/pseuds/Irishshift
Summary: What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Third fang verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911202
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Prologue: Oh snap, shit's gonna go down at some point or another maybe.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

No one owns the log though. The log owns you.

o. o. o.

Two males stood casually at the center of the newly made wasteland. The air was absolutely flooded with residual power to the point that anyone with sensory abilities would be unable to detect anything more than a few feet from them. The land was scarred, lifeless, and absolutely flat. The fact that the earth was completely made out of stone made no difference as it too was cut into without discrimination.

One of the two men there was almost six feet tall wearing a black trench coat with long dark brown hair in a ponytail and sunglasses that prevented the world from seeing his eyes. With his cargo pants, t-shirt and boots, he was slightly odd looking but otherwise appeared quite simple and casual.

He was infamous among the higher deities of many if not all universes for, among other things, possessing the ability to end everything should he will it. The Cursed Memory. The God of None. He is an absolute existence of the greatest quality and influence in a human's body. His continued living is an insult to the actual gods of the multiverse as he, originally born a mundane human with no history or unique qualities of any sort, is now not only beyond their influence, but above it… with the exception of a few rather specific gods.

He is also terrified of Chinese food, addicted to and experienced in various forms of sex, and enjoys slipping small pebbles into people's shoes when they aren't paying attention in his free time because he thinks it's funny.

The other young man with him appeared to be in his mid teens and reached five and a half feet. Much like his companion his clothing was not that unique in appearance with his dark tan pants, long sleeved white shirt under his hooded black sweater. The stained orange fire spiral on the front of his sweater was a bit eye catching, but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary. His hands however, were encompassed in furry burnt orange and black fingerless gloves that extended up his arms and under the sleeves of his white shirt.

What were more outstanding were the teen's facial features. Three deep and distinct whisker like scars donned each of his cheeks, under his animal like slit eyes, each of which were a deep and endless blue. If the eyes were the window to the soul, a person would say that this boy's soul was wild, chaotic, free, but surprisingly deep and possessed an underlying strength that could not be measured with a simple glance. To complete the look his head was covered with a thick spiky mane of blond hair, long enough that gravity managed to pull down the bigger spikes down towards earth, but short enough that nothing would swing around wildly or impair his vision.

This young man was one of many possible versions of Naruto Uzumaki that existed in the infinite expanse of the multiverse. This one in particular had the unique luck, for better or for worse, to catch the attention of the former male and was his apprentice. Despite his appearance, he was closer to being twenty than sixteen, however due to the situation when he met his master, he had been forced to go back through time to gain a second chance at the events in his life. Now known as the Feral Gale, the teen had already obtained a significant list of achievements in his new life that easily dwarfed what he had accomplished in his old one.

And despite said long list, he knew very well that the real challenge was coming all too soon.

"Soooooooo…" Ghost drawled as he lazily looked around at the seemingly deal land around them. "… Gotta admit, I'm impressed."

"I thought you'd might." Naruto panted slightly. His stamina levels without the aid of the demon inside of him were already absurd when compared to the standard of the other ninja in his home universe, but even as winded as he was performing his strongest technique, the destructive output of it was simply put fucking ridiculous. "Thanks for keeping me out of the blast radius by the way."

"Anytime. Don't want you to die for good before you get to humiliate yourself some more after all." The immortal shrugged as he extended his senses and whistled as a sign of being impressed. "Damn. From what I can tell, you managed to get this thing to reach out a good distance. I do believe that you also managed to distort some of the timespace here as an aftereffect. Not bad at all."

"And then there's the shockwave to take into account. Those tend to do almost as much damage as the explosions after they get big enough." The teen sighed as he massaged his hands to lessen the ache in them. "… You're gonna seal away a good part of my power aren't you?"

"Obviously." Ghost snorted. "It would be no fun at all if you could go buck wild on everyone right off the bat. You're already good enough without Kyubi and Sage Mode to take on most of your world's S ranks on even ground. Sorry, but you're just going to have to make due without your demon, sage, or demonic sage states for a while." He sighed dejectedly. "And here I was trying to make you not strong enough to prevent this from happening. Such a shame."

"You're a saint." The blonde rolled his eyes but clearly not bothered or surprised by the turn of events. "Kurama's somewhat pissed about you sealing him away. If you block him off completely, I can't let him out on occasion to get some fresh air."

The elder male waved his hand lazily. "Meh. Give me a bit. I'll come up with some loophole for him before I make the seal. I'm not a complete asshole after all."

"No, you are. You just prefer people suffering out in the open where everyone can see more than in some cramped place where only a handful of others know what's happening." The Feral Gale smirked, revealing one of his slightly longer canines in the process.

"Ah. There are few versions of humiliation that are more satisfying than that of the public variety." Ghost sighed aridly, not denying his companion's accusation in the slightest.

"The scary thing is that you exercise most of them on the people you care about the most." Naruto stated in a monotone voice, no doubt due to the fact that he himself had been subject to the man's whimsical chaos on far more than a few occasions.

"It's not my fault that said group of individuals are frequently the ones that are most available for such mockery." The immortal pouted childishly before shaking his head and straightening himself. With an almost invisible flick of his wrist, he tore a small gap into the world itself several feet away from him, large enough for a human to walk through. "Come on minion. Let's get to the shack and get set up. It's time for us to bring our special brand of crazy back home."

A rather hungry grin made its way onto the Uzumaki's face. "About time. After all the crap you put me through, it will be nice to be in a world that's within my skill and power level again."

"It wasn't THAT bad…" Ghost mumbled sheepishly as he pressed his fingers together.

"You put me through training regiments, situations, warzones, violent creature nests, and twisted sections of pseudo reality that were designed to, and did, kill me, only to bring me back from the beyond a moment later. And then before I could regain feeling in my body, you threw me into previously mentioned deathtraps again." Naruto stated in a dead tone.

"… You looked like you were having fun after a certain point though." The immortal shrunk childishly under his student's lethal gaze.

We both know that's in fact a bad thing. Not a good thing Ero-nii. Bad. Very, very bad. In addition to that hell, you forced me to hijack giant robots with my bare hands while said giant robots and their pilots actively tried to kill me…"

"Chicks dig giant robots."

"… Made the population of a small society believe I was the next incarnation of a demon god…"

"In my defense, you have a demon in you and you ARE being taught by a god like man person thing."

"… Convinced an entire world that I was a sexual deviant…"

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH."

"… Then there was the zombie incident…"

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific. Was it the natural, the black magic, the vampire, or the biohazard zombie incident?"

"… Somehow made me the figurehead of not one but three separate and unrelated planet wide anarchist uprisings in a single night…"

"A new personal record. Viva la revolution!"

"Swapped my gender no less than seven times…"

"That complaint is null and void. You were doing that long before I got to you. Besides, at least you look good as a chick. My boobs are lopsided when I change. That's like, having one ball bigger than the other. It's just not right."

"… Got me arrested and stuck in a jail where they hold secret super powered fights to the death every other day…"

"Hey you learned some solid tricks there."

"… Tried to hook up my dad with a tentacle monster…"

"Don't even try to convince me you weren't slightly curious about where that was going."

"… Then there was that "Ultimate Showdown" fiasco…"

""Of Ultimate Destiny." Get the name right. I worked very hard on setting that thing up."

"… Sold my organs to aliens as delicacies…"

"You grew them back from your regeneration and we made a great profit from it."

"… Froze me in my fox form and then donated me as a class pet to a middle school for magical girls that were all having angst issues that all could have been solved by a remotely trained shrink…"

"That, I admit may have been a bit much."

"… Abandoned me at that Ryuzanpaku place for six months after sealing away pretty much all of my chakra, where I am still convinced the masters there took the same educational teaching courses you did given how many times I nearly died…"

"You know as well as I do that Lee would have killed to get a piece of that action."

"… And you framed me for the murder of some royal bastard groom on his wedding day by dumping me into the main guest area drenched in literally all of his blood, followed by dumping his body on top of me. Drenched in his blood. In the middle of all the guests for the wedding. And his mother."

"… I will not apologize for art."

"Were you even the one that killed the guy?"

"Surprisingly enough no."

"So you, on a whim, drained a freshly murdered body of its blood, dumped it on your apprentice, and then dropped said apprentice in front of murdered man's friends and family just for kicks?"

"That and I didn't like the entire family in general. Nobles and royals in most worlds tend to be ignorant dicks and the almost bride to be was too good to waste on them. This way, the guy who actually did the killing would never get caught. It was my good deed of the day."

"Coming from the guy who pinned said murder on his innocent apprentice."

"I never said I wasn't a dick too."

"I am so going to kill you."

It should be noted that at this point, the jinchuriki was glaring murderously down at the tiny elder male who now appeared to be at most a twentieth of his original size.

The blonde began rubbing his temple, very frustrated. "And don't even get me started on that fiasco involving the other versions of me from an entirely different MULTIVERSE."

"Hey I wasn't at fault for that once, it was all your alternate self's doing. I told you before, gods in general tend to be major pricks when it comes to dealing with humans, regardless of when and where they are from. … On a side note, I'm still gonna have to block those particular memories so that you don't use the info you got from that shit storm to solve your own world slash universe."

The teen paused for a moment, his righteous anger giving way for something more solemn. "… I'd like to at least remember that I saw more than a few good friends die. It would suck if I was hit with flashbacks at a crappy time." The air went still as something seemed to command it to stop moving. "If possible, I'd also like to remember that I helped fuck over the stain that killed them in the first place. You know. For closure."

"Yeah yeah. I know what you mean." The immortal sighed as he returned to normal size again, not at all disturbed by the unusual phenomena happening to the air and began to pick his nose. "Trust me. I've done the whole "murder violently for revenge but still sorta doing it for the general greater good even though you don't really care for the latter" thing too. Several times in fact. To be honest though, it kinda loses its thrill after about the third time."

The elder turned to the portal in front of them. "So you wanna go straight back home after packing or do you feel like one last massive party with the guys back at the Big House? They seemed to be pretty eager to host you a good luck bash."

The blonde's irritated expression melted into something more tired. "Nah. Those things wipe me out, and that's if a fight doesn't break out and I end up bedridden for a week. I can party with them when I get back. Let's just go already. It'll be good to be home where things are a bit saner." With that he jumped through the tear in reality and disappeared.

Ghost shrugged as his student vanished through the portal and turned his attention to the booger he dislodged from his nose. "Don't see how you can claim your homeworld is sane when you worship a log of all things. Plus there's all the children soldiers and horrible sense of logic that everyone has. Oh well. To each his own."

The booger suddenly burst into black flames, constantly burning on the tip of his index finger.

"Gotta admit though, the kid has come a long way. Probably doesn't even need to use sage mode or the furball's power until Pain, Madara, or the Jubi shows up."

With a light flick, the small flame dislodged itself from the man's finger and flew lazily through the air. By the time it connected with the ground, the immortal and the rip in the air had both disappeared, just in time to avoid the entire area become immolated in a black inferno that spread out for miles in each direction at near instantaneous speeds…

And extinguish just as quickly to reveal a massive forest that stretched out as far as the eye could see several hundred feet higher in the air on top of an equivalent amount of earth and complete with local wildlife going about its business without a care or worry…

It was if the hour the pair had been there had never existed to begin with.

o. o. o.

In a cave somewhere in the Elemental Nations:

"Well well." Kisame chuckled as he looked at the other ghostly members of Akatsuki in front of him. "Looks like we're all back together. So are things finally about to get interesting, or does it mean that someone somewhere screwed up big time again?"

"Oi. Why are you looking at me when you say that? Hn?" Deidara's transparent image grunted irritably.

"Probably because you're the least subtle one of us here next to Hidan." Kakuzu grunted. "And the reason why he isn't being accused is because my idiot partner is neither capable of mass destruction nor able to make anyone think he is anything more than a psychotic religious nut."

"Jashin-sama will have your soul! I swear it!" Said religious nut shouted in clear rage.

"Case and point." Sasori grunted.

"Quiet." Nagato ordered calmly from the body of his friend Yahiko. "All of you have performed your duties as expected. Do not start to ruin things now." He opened his eyes. "It is time to begin our main project and start gathering the biju."

"Oh?" The swordsman in the group grinned savagely. "It's time for that already?"

"Yes." Pain confirmed. "We have prepared enough that we have enough resources and information to handle our main operations. The Ichibi through Hachibi have all been identified and located to an extent. Zetsu has already obtained the Rokubi and is in the process of delivering it to one of our bases for extraction as we speak. You will all be called to participate in the process within the next few days."

"The Rokubi?" The bomber grunted with some mild distaste. "That's the slug right? How boring. Thankfully I didn't have to bother wasting my art on something like that."

"Your ignorance never ceases to astound me." The puppetmaster growled in irritation.

"Oi boss. What about the Kyubi?" Hidan asked skeptically. "Last time we talked about that brat, he managed to take out the Gobi by himself before he apparently disappeared off the face of the map."

" **He has yet to make an appearance since the Gobi incident. However, rumor has it that the Kyubi will be returning to Konoha very soon."** The black half of Zetsu grunted.

"No doubt the kid is probably a handful by now." The white half smirked amusedly. "He was already quite a person to watch three years ago. I'm curious to see how much trouble he can cause now. Should be fun."

"In order for our plan to succeed, we need to seal the Kyubi last." Pain stated calmly. "By the time we capture the other biju, he will no doubt have made his appearance in the Elemental Nations once more, and it is then that I shall take him myself. There is no need to concern yourself with his capture."

"What a shame." Kisame sighed. "I wanted to see how much the brat had improved, and get a little revenge for humiliating me in the past."

"A shame it is." Kakuzu nodded. "No doubt if you encountered him again, you would have greater need of my services than you had before."

"What of the main villages?" Itachi spoke up quietly, but instantly drawing attention the instant he did so. It was not often that he spoke up after all. "There have been rumors of us circulating for a while."

"Oh?" Hidan snickered. "Don't tell me that the mighty Itachi is scared?"

"Hidan. Shut up." His partner growled. "Itachi has a point. Over the past couple of years, there has been an unusual increase of notable newcomers make it to the bingo books despite the fact that the villages have been slowly demilitarizing. Suna for example has spawned the Sora no Mai (Dancer of the Sky) and the Kuro Suna (Black Sand). Not to mention its new Kazekage, who happens to be the Jinchuriki of the Ichibi, has both considerable control over his beast and a tremendous terrain advantage while in the desert."

"I've heard that Kiri's managed to spawn a new generation of the Seven Swordsmen." Kisame chuckled eagerly. "Incomplete and weak they might be, what with being made out of brats and all, but it would be best not to underestimate them with their swords being what they are."

Kakuzu continued. "Then there's the Tsuchikage's granddaughter, who's managed to shape up pretty nicely if the rumors are to be believed. She didn't inherit his Gekkai Touta, but her ninjtusu's supposedly top notch regardless. Also there's word that the Yonbi's container has managed to get complete control over his beast too, so his threat level has jumped up considerably among our targets. It should also be noted that since the Gobi incident the general shinobi populace has increased its dislike for Konoha and motivated itself to increase its quality despite Onoki's efforts to calm them down." He snorted and shook his head. "The poor fool. He's far past his time to deal with such idiots. I almost feel bad for what's going to happen to him."

"The fuck are you talking about Kakuzu? You're older than he is!" Hidan snorted.

"He's got you there." Kisame snickered, as did Deidara and Zetsu.

"What about Kumo and Konoha?" Pain asked calmly, not at all responding to the jabs his subordinates were throwing left and right.

Kakuzu paused for a moment but not taking his eyes off of the one he was most likely to maim once the meeting was over. "Kumo hasn't produced anyone significant recently, but like Iwa the general quality of their shinobi has increased a bit, mostly due to higher quality equipment and supplies. While it doesn't seem like much, I must remind you that Kumo's military in general was the least weakened by the demilitarization and as such they have in general the strongest standard forces out of the five nations right now. The Raikage for that matter is not one that can be handled easily, and word is that at least one of their jinchuriki, either the Nibi or the Hachibi has absolute control over their biju. If it's the Hachibi, we may need to approach him with a great deal more caution than the others." He paused and closed his eyes. "As for Konoha, that's an entire story in itself."

"I believe I can offer some insight on this." Sasori stepped in. "Out of the five villages, Konoha's seen the most change lately. Externally it hasn't changed much. They still worship a piece of wood as much as Hidan worships whatever the hell he worships, and they still believe in their will of fire. But internally there has been much going on. The quality of their younger ranks has jumped greatly, as have their equipment. While neither are of great threat to us, it will none the less prove to make them more irritating to deal with should we not take note of this. More importantly though are the names that have been coming up from there recently."

"You'd be happy to know Kisame that your old friend Zabuza is now considered an S ranked shinobi like us." Kakuzu stated factually and pretended to ignore the slight twitch in the shark man's eye at the mention of his old ex-comrade. "But in addition to him, there are a few other names that have been sticking out lately. For example, the latest batch of Ino-Shika-Cho from Konoha has another nickname that they are known by. The Kuro-Majo-Yama (Black Witch Mountain)."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. "Kuro-Majo-Yama? I've heard of them. Un. Rumor has it that they mess with your head almost as bad as Itachi can. Sounds pretty obnoxious if you ask me."

"It's not." Sasori corrected. "There's a bounty out that rewards the one who can deliver them all at once a pay higher than some S ranks. Individually the Kuro Nara (Black Deer), the Nikoyaka Majo (Smiling Witch), and the Yamaou (Mountain King) all have bounties that border between B and A rank. Such a price wouldn't be given unless there was a good reason for doing so."

"Another team to be noted of is the rumored assassination squad." Kakuzu spoke up again. "There isn't much info on them, but word is that they're codenamed the Kajiya (Blacksmith), the Shirou Oni (White Demon), and the Musei Yajuu (Silent Beast). They've also supposedly taken out a good number of bounties and missing nin. Word is that they each use some very unique jutsu."

"Don't forget those two women that have been making quite a stir." Zetsu's white half grinned. "Orochimaru's old apprentice, the Hebi Okami (Snake Mistress) and Sanheimen no Hana (Flower of the Three Planes) have been quite popular lately."

"Humph. With all these nicknames coming out, I'm willing to put money on the idiots making up half of the things they say they've done just for the extra attention." Hidan rolled his eyes unimpressed.

"He's just jealous that he doesn't have one." Kisame muttered to Itachi who as expected stayed in character and didn't respond.

"Hey, what about Itachi's brother? Un?" Deidara spoke up with a smirk, trying to get a rise out of the person he hated the most in the group.

"A rank and a Jonin." Kakuzu replied without missing a beat. "No titles, but he is recognized as one of the more promising young members of Konoha's forces, next to the Black Deer and the Hyuuga Heiress."

"Ah, the Hime (Princess)." Sasori nodded. "I've heard of her. There's been talk that she's quite the piece, both in beauty and ability. There's also rumor that her eyes shine like the stars themselves. It would be a great boon if I could turn her into a part of my collection, though it may be best to let her age a bit to gain some more quality."

"I think you're too old for her. You're what, over twice her age?" Hidan snickered.

"What of the one responsible for the incident last year?" Nagato spoke up, instantly silencing another argument before it picked up steam. "Has there been any progress into discovering the identity of the culprit? What about his location?"

"Nothing." The eldest one there grunted from his mask, clearly not pleased with the current topic. "Whoever made the mess out of Ame is either extremely good at covering their tracks, or they must not come into contact with a lot of people on average. Possibly both. Any potential leads I had on the guy dried up before I could even get far. Honestly, Orochimaru was easier to track than this guy. The snake had a system that reached everywhere. No one knew more than they needed obviously, but you could at least get a direction to follow if you managed to get a hold of one of his followers. This guy on the other hand is clearly a loner and keeps it that way."

"As much as I dislike admitting it, I have had similar results on my end." Sasori stated in a dark tone. "Whoever this guy is, he's not to be taken lightly. The few I have confirmed that he's come in contact with more than once have had alterations made to their minds that wipe out their memory of him if he is brought up. It's something similar to what I do with my spies, but I know of no one else alive that is able to do something like this. The best I can think of is a highly trained medic shinobi, but there aren't any missing medic-nin of that caliber to my knowledge."

"I think I know of one or two, but it would take me time to track them down." Kakuzu replied.

"Make that a side priority while you finish up the last of your bounty hunting. There will not be as much time available once we begin hunting the Biju in masse." Nagato ordered with underlying killing intent that made everyone there fall in line. "I will not tolerate anyone making a move against me and get away with it so easily."

"I take it that you have something else in mind for Deidara and I." Sasori rasped curiously.

"You two are to obtain the Ichibi after we seal the Rokubi. While it is technically the weakest of the jinchuriki, its current location will make it significantly more difficult to obtain if it is expecting our arrival. Sasori's knowledge of Suna's defenses and Deidara's aerial combat ability will be essential for the task."

Kisame asked with a raised eyebrow. "The zombie bros and the art freaks have their fun little chores, but what about us?"

The Rinnegan user looked at the fire and water element specialists with a passing glance. "You two will come back to Ame to await further instructions. Depending on how things turn out with the other two groups your orders may change. It is a good position to start from regardless of what your new orders are."

"Haha." Deidara chuckled. "Looks like you just got benched. Such a shame. I guess you two just aren't important enough to be used for now."

"Zetsu." Nagato continued before Kisame made things worse. "I will tell you of your task later, though I believe that you already have an idea of what it entails."

" **I have a good guess as to what it might be."** The dark half of the man muttered ominously. **"But are you sure you want to do this so soon? It might backfire…"**

"No one knows what your abilities truly are." The leader argued calmly. "So long as you make sure that no one sees you, there should be no issue."

"Easier said than done." The white half snorted, but didn't bother to elaborate on the matter.

"Oi boss." Hidan spoke up much to everyone's displeasure. "When the hell are you going to make Konan do something? I've been with you guys for nearly three years now and I've still yet to see the bitch do jack other than show up whenever you do." He snorted. "Don't tell me that all she's good for is…"

The priest's tirade was cut short as an extremely heavy killing intent fell down in the cave as if the ceiling fell on top of everyone. Despite the fact that everyone in the meeting was an accomplished shinobi of renowned skill and ability, all of them would admit that their leader was by far the most powerful and dangerous one there.

"Once more you do not bother to contemplate the repercussions of what you say Hidan." Nagato stated in a dead even tone. Had there not been any killing intent flooding out of his person, the others would have sworn that he was talking to the man as he always did. "Rest assured that there will be repercussions for your lack of forethought…"

"Pain-sama." Konan spoke up, gaining the attention of everyone there as she spoke less than Itachi at the meetings. "Allow me to manage the punishment. I am after all the one he has grievances with. There is no need for you to bother with such a minor issue."

The image of the leader stared at the image of his partner for several moments before his rippled eyes closed and his intent died down. "Very well. You shall be the one responsible for his atonement. I trust that you will ensure that he remembers his lesson." He turned to the rest of the members of Akatsuki. "You all have your tasks." And with that, his image disappeared, quickly followed by Konan's.

The cave was silent for several moments before Deidara chuckled. "Sucks to be you Hidan. I expect you to be turned into an interesting piece of art by the time Konan's done with you. Un."

"For once I agree with my partner." Sasori nodded. "Even he is not foolish enough to question Konan's presence like that." With that the artists disappeared.

"You don't have my sympathy Hidan." Kisame snickered. "Even a retard would know that the person that stands by the boss' side the most would be strong enough to hold their own. Enjoy getting your ass kicked." He and Itachi disappeared seconds later.

"… Id **iot."** Both halves of Zetsu muttered at the same time before he vanished as well.

Hidan's image glared expectantly at Kakuzu's for several seconds before he finally lost his patience. "What? No comment about how I fucked up this time?"

The miser snorted. "No need to."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the land of Fire:

Chaos reigned in the bandit camp as the inhabitants attempted to regain some sense of stability while their numbers were quickly being mowed down by one mean or another. Despite the fact that their leader had been a high ranking member of Oto before its collapse and had managed to train most of his men in basic shinobi techniques, the forces stood no chance against the opposition they faced.

On one side of the encampment, two figures bolted between the inhabitants there tearing out their sides, limbs, and other body parts en masse without slowing down in the slightest. While no part of the assault was lethal precisely, the assault was none the less effective as the wounded men and women there were either rendered helpless or occupying the time of the ones that weren't injured to try and gain medical aid. The few bandits there that were good enough to know a few offensive ninjutsu were worse than useless against the pair as their slow attacks not only woefully missed their targets, but went on to deal damage to their comrades and make things worse for their side.

After what seemed like the fifth nonstop pass through the bandit's ranks, the pair of savage blurs skidded to a stop a few meters past the edge of the group, giving the victims a good look at their attackers. One of the two was a teenage boy with red marks on his cheeks and a confident smirk on his face. His clothes were of good quality with long dark pants and a dull green loose vest over a black shirt, but had their own wild look to them as well with the purposefully ripped off sleeves exposing his well muscled arms ending with sharp almost animal like claws that did not seem to tear through the gloves he wore, and the fabric of the clothes showing signs of wear. All in all he did not look like a pushover and the grin on his face indicated that he knew it as well.

The second of the pair though had the bandits pause though as he was unlike his partner an actual animal. A white dog the size of a small horse stood there hunched over and baring his equally massive teeth and claws that were each more than capable of dealing debilitating damage at the very least and lethal at the most.

"Last chance losers." The human partner growled cockily. "Give up to us, or give up your lives."

"Shit!" One of the violent thieves swore. "It's an Inuzuka!"

"Humph. A brat and his mutt. Honestly, I'm surprised that they could manage to cause as much trouble as they have." A middle aged bandit snorted as he began reaching for the pouches on his hips before he began to throw kunai in every direction around the offending pair. It took less than a few kunai to notice that there was a bunch of wires linking each knife to the user. "Inuzuka generally attack by spinning around and moving a lot. Take that away and you've already won half the battle with them."

Channeling some chakra into another pouch on his side, the bandit commanded the wire in it to follow along the wires connecting the man to the kunai and within seconds had erected an impressive web around the pair.

"Oh?" Kiba smirked as he sniffed the air, not at all bothered with his situation. "Let me guess, the chakra you're running in these things make them stronger in addition to enabling you to control them."

"That's right kid, a single one of those wires could hold back an Akimichi, and now that you're trapped, all we have to do is throw kunai at you from a safe distance until you and your mutt bleed out." The man grinned savagely. "I hear that the going rate for an Inuzuka Hound's pelt is pretty high."

The Inuzuka male chuckled as he walked forward and placed a claw tip onto one of the wires. "Yeah, I've heard the same thing." The teen paused for a moment and didn't seem to take note of a dull glint reflect off of his gloved claws before he reached out with one of them. An instant later the wire in front of him was cut soundly by his nail, surprising the men in front of him. "They're too good to be wasted on trash like you, right Akamaru?"

The white wolf next to the teen barked deeply before all of its claws and teeth burned a bright red…

o. o. o.

On the other side of the camp, the bandits were having trouble dealing with a swarm of insects that seemed to just spawn up at once and flood the entire area. While not enough in numbers to naturally block the bandit's view, their constant moving in various directions proved more than enough to limit their perspective of what was around them. Combined with the fact that the trapped soon discovered that their chakra was being drained by said insects and it was soon apparent that there was more than a few individuals freaking out inside the mess…

And then it began.

Without any prior notice, various men and women began to fall to the ground with slash marks and stabs on their bodies. Some were lethal, others were debilitating, but all were clearly decisive blows in order to take them out of the fight. One by one they fell, instilling more panic and chaos into the minds of the trapped as they were further weakened by the swarm of insects

"Enough!" One of the stronger bandits yelled angrily as he formed a few seals and made his body erupt into flames, burning away any insects that were near him and some of his comrades as well. "Show yourself Aburame! I know you are there! Are you too much of a coward to fight us up close?!"

At first there was no reaction as the insects continued to buzz around rampantly and assault the bandits there that were not on fire or already taken out. Moments later however the bugs began to gradually spread further away from the front of the burning bandit and reveal a single shinobi standing casually in the middle of the chaos, not bothered by the insects in the slightest. He wore a large hooded jacket with the hood up and the front unzipped, revealing his darker clothes underneath, complete with sunglasses and giving him an overall intimidating appearance.

"You are familiar with my clan." Shino stated in an emotionless tone.

The bandit snorted. "Of course I do! I used to live in Konoha before I got fed up with their annoying hippy ways years ago. All the Kage there are too soft and they're too strict with the no killing rule. So what if I killed a client or two? They deserved it for talking back to their superiors." The fire surrounding the man doubled in intensity, causing the insects to give him an even wider birth. "Before I left though, I at least researched the strengths and weaknesses of the major clans. Unfortunately for you Aburame freaks, your weak bugs won't be able to touch me like this. How about you do us all a favor and give up. If you do I promise I'll kill you almost slowly and not drag it out."

The teen didn't seem worried at first as the insects around them continued to buzz loudly to the point that it was hard to hear the screams of the other bandits there at times. "It is true. With your jutsu I am unable to attack you with my Kikaichu, thus it is pointless to do so. However I am not worried about my victory."

Shink.

A large carapace like claw impaled the stunned burning man from behind, completely caught off guard by the fast and undetected killing blow. Using the last of the strength in his body to turn around to just barely see what had killed him, the bandit's eyes widened as he saw another copy of the Aburame standing behind him with his right arm transformed into an insects' sickle like appendage, which was what had killed him.

"Why do you ask? Because I do not rely solely on them in order to take down targets." The teen stated with finality as he twisted his arm with a sickening crack and the non human appendage broke off his arm an exposed his clothed flesh and blood appendage to the world once more. The moment he let go of the temporary appendage, his prey no longer possessed the ability to stay up, and thus the dying man collapsed onto the ground in a pool of his own blood.

Looking at their surroundings silently, the two copies of the Aburame investigated the status of their enemies before coming to a silent decision. Without a single warning, both of them burst into more insects, and once more the area was filled with the screams of people being cut down in a swarm of locusts.

o. o. o.

In the dead center of the camp, the bulk of the bandits were having trouble of their own as their ranks were falling down left and right like flies.

"What the hell is wrong with you idiots?! It's just one girl!" One of the leaders of the troupe shouted hysterically as he sent more men to try and take out the teen standing literally in the middle of at least thirty bandits without a hint of concern on her face.

Despite not having grown up fully, she was clearly a beauty to behold with her long thick black hair, angelic face, curvy and well developed body, and smooth skin. Her pure white eyes while abnormal on a normal human somehow managed to add to her ethereal beauty. Her long blue pants hung off her hips fashionably, but were in no way at risk of falling off as her shin guards and belt with scrolls hanging off of them kept the cloths firmly in place. On her top half she wore a tight but not form fitting chainmail black shirt combo that exposed a small bit of cleavage. This bit of her body was further hidden by the headband loosely hanging around her neck. To complete her image, a cream white and dark purple overcoat that extended to her thighs hung loosely over her body, bearing the Hyuuga clan's symbol on the back for everyone to see.

Her appearance was so appealing it was enough to distract some of the bandits from noticing the two dozen or so bodies that were strewn on the ground around and behind her.

With the latest insult, at least half a dozen of the thieves lost their patience and charged forward from all angles at the girl with weapons drawn, intent on cutting her down where she stood. Given the circumstances she should have fallen, or at least injured by the assault. Few could manage to deal with being attacked by multiple directions by individuals that were each larger than the one attacked, let alone do so without getting harmed in the process…

This girl however was beyond such a classification as an invisible ring of chakra expanded from her body almost instantly without any physical movement on her part, and sliced through the offending parties cleanly, as with some of the bandits that had held back but not far enough. The result of the attack caused them all to fall to the ground helplessly at roughly the same time.

Their bodies were not marred. There was no blood or broken bones on any of the fallen men. Despite this though, any experienced medic that examined them would instantly be able to tell that each and every one of the fallen had had their insides, their organs and chakra network, torn apart where the ring had severed them.

"Please surrender." The teen asked politely with a small hint of remorse at the unnerved bandits. Unlike the other parties attacking their home, they had no idea what the hell this girl was doing to take them out. There was no warning when she attacked, and even when she did they couldn't determine where the assault was or where it was going. "I do not wish to kill anymore than needed. I will request for reduced punishment if you give up now, but I cannot guarantee such benefits if you continue to resist."

"Anyone that runs, I will gut and whoever you give a damn about alive." Growled the deep and slightly insane voice of a rather tall and pale man as he made himself known. Clad in worn Oto shinobi gear he walked to the front of the bandit crowd uninhibited. Even if there was a chance he wasn't the boss of the group, he was at the very least one of the more feared and or respected individuals there as the bandits around him parted away rather hastily until he stopped just a few yards from intruder.

His unstable yellow eyes bore down on the girl. "Hinata Hyuuga. The Princess. There's a big bounty on your pretty little head."

"So I've been told." The outnumbered child stated calmly and not at all bothered with being identified. "I take it you do not wish to surrender."

"Heh. Looks like there are some pampered royals that aren't complete idiots after all." The middle aged man faux laughed. "Tell you what brat. You service me and my boys here and I might think about letting you get back home a broken wreck. Hell, I might even let you keep those eyes of yours. If not, I'll just keep you as my personal trophy and those balls in your head go to the highest bidder."

Despite the vulgarity of the "offer", Hinata did not show any sign of being insulted and smiled sincerely at the offending man. "As generous as that is, I'm afraid that I am already spoken for. If you have anything else of questionable quality to suggest though, I'm more than willing to consider it."

The thinly veiled insult did not go over anyone's head as a few scant chuckles were heard from the group. The leader, surprisingly enough, included. "Huh. Seems our royal guest has a sense of humor to match her confidence and reputation after all. No wonder there are so many flattering rumors about you." It was at that point that several odd markings began to spread across his skin as if he was alive, causing his chakra to spike dramatically. "Let's see if you'll still have it after I'm done! Behold the power that Orochimaru-sama bestowed upon me!"

The young woman's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before regaining her composure. "Curse seal…" She swore under her breath.

It had been years since the Snake Sanin had died at the hand of his old teacher, yet it had done nothing to quench the flow of old experiments from popping up gradually all over the elemental nations. Even though many of the man's bases had been located, gutted, and destroyed shortly after the man had died, it seemed as if there had been just as many places that remained hidden, slowly emptying its warped contents into the world like a poison.

Men and women who had been used as experiments were among the prime concerns among the shinobi community as of late, and none more so than those who bore curse seals. An individual who was standard chunin level could take out a standard platoon of shinobi with ease when using the seal, and it only got worse when it was found on those with greater skill and experience.

Any and all missions involving curse seal users were at least A rank due to the danger the users possessed. In fact, due to the fact that curse seal users had been spreading out lately, any missions to unstable areas were all at the bare minimum B rank for most of the major nations simply because of the risk involved sending shinobi there. Normally, teams of jonin were made specifically to take even one of these guys out, and facing them one on one when they began to tap into their power was considered near suicide…

"There's no escape!" Her foe roared victoriously as he launched himself at absurd speeds that would give most shinobi trouble following.

Had he known what was going to happen next, he would have used that power to run in the opposite direction.

Between the first blink where the man charged from his standing position and the second where he would have made contact with his prey, the Princess had instantly conjured up an immense amount of chakra from every point on her body and spun it all rapidly around her still frame, conjuring a massive dome made of pure chakra around her person.

The missing-nin roared out in pain as he collided with the dome full force and felt the individual streams of chakra that made the dome tear apart his body where they touched, setting his nerves on fire and shocks of lightning down his very bones. Despite the fact that he was only in contact with the defensive technique for at most a couple of seconds, the damage that had been done was all but decisive to most individuals. A small surge of power added onto the destruction as it threw his frame back violently through the air.

The time he floated in the air had been nearly endless to the damaged man's mind. The pain was indescribable. He had been injured too much. Close range combat with the Hyuuga had been a mistake after all. He had underestimated the girl. He needed more power. He needed to go to stage two of the curse if he wanted to win. Barely managing to correct his body's position as it flew backwards, the demented man prepared to tap into more of the corrupted chakra of the seal as he landed back onto the ground.

He almost didn't notice the fact that the girl had already been on top of him before he even made contact with the earth before the world exploded into pain again. In fact he wouldn't have if it weren't for the fact that the girl's narrowed eyes were now glowing a purer white than he had ever thought existed. Like when he used to play with fireworks in the middle of the night as a kid, the white eyes seemed to leave a blinding trail outlining where they were just moments before, leading up to where they were now just inches from his doomed person.

At that last moment, he knew that he was doomed.

Every pressure point, every tenketsu, every nerve cluster was assaulted rapidly and relentlessly to the point that his entire body had within moments not only shut down, but the remaining processes that had remained operational were working incorrectly and doing additional damage to his body.

What seemed like an eternity for him lasted only at most a few seconds before the girl cocked back her right palm, enveloped it in so much chakra that it was not only visible to the naked eye, but the power itself took the shape of a lion's head, and then struck his torso so hard he flew back and took out several of his men, a good number of his tents, and crashed through some trees before finally stopping halfway through a boulder.

The entire area was quiet as the now leaderless band of thieves and marauders looked upon the straightening girl with wonder and fear. Their boss, who they had seen take on squads of shinobi by himself and win without a scratch, had just been killed in less than ten seconds by a mere girl with her bare hands…

Before any of them could begin to express their panic, confusion, or rage outwardly though, they were suddenly overwhelmed by the sensation of a massive source of silver light above the girl. … No. It wasn't really there, but the feeling that they were in the presence of one was. Overwhelming. Overpowering but without any intent of any sort. …Pure and alien, yet remarkably familiar at the same time. They would not be able to touch the phenomena, nor its source.

"Now that the distraction is dealt with, I will ask for a final time." The girl with the white with a hint of lilac colored eyes that glowed so fiercely they bordered silver smiled peacefully. None ignored the fact that the veins near her eyes bulged ominously in the process. "I am offering you a chance to surrender."

o. o. o.

Konoha:

It was a sunny and beautiful day. The birds were chirping. The market was full. None of the animals of the forest of death had escaped. The shinobi were jumping across the rooftops, and Iruka was walking into his classroom to teach the latest first years in the Academy.

Looking around at the innocent children he was about to turn into fighters for the village he couldn't help but smile and enjoy the peaceful and non violent environment he was in. Taking in a deep breath he began to make his speech to his new class. "Hello everyone. My name is Iruka and…"

BOOM!

The main door of the classroom exploded and in jumped in Shadow Oogakari covered in blood and dragging in with her a heavily cut up and bleeding Crypt. "HEY KIDS! WANNA SEE HOW TO BEAT A GUY TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN SKULL?!"

Before anyone could even process what horrors had just entered the classroom, more chaos ensued. Much to the shock of pretty much everyone there, part of the ceiling burst downward due to Zuzushi, now roughly twice the size of a large horse by Iruka's guess, forced her also blood covered head through the metal and plaster, grinned evilly at the terrified children with the meat and organs of… something, hanging out of her mouth, and then roared directly at them with unmatched ferocity.

o. o. o.

Hokage's office:

"… And that's what happened." Homura reported in an even tone to Tsunade, who in turn was hitting her head rather hard and constantly on her desk.

"I assume that we shall be adding this incident to the list as well." Koharu sighed, referring to the list of events that the Oogakari has done to cause chaos and make new laws on in order to never have it happen again. Since it had been made, more minor laws had been passed on specifying public indecency than at any other point in Konoha's existence. It should be noted that many of these laws were so outlandish that many people had trouble actually saying them upon first sight with a straight face.

"Please do." Tsunade grumbled while continuing with her current task of trying to imprint her forehead into the mahogany desk through physical trauma. "Also, when you fine them for this incident, add on the expenses for therapy for the brats being scared shitless and hush money for the parents."

"Consider it done. Where was Waltz-dono when this happened?" Koharu asked wearily. "Leaving Shadow-kun and Crypt-kun together is always a recipe for chaos. Everyone knows this."

"He was covering for me at the hospital. This is why I hate it when Scabbard goes out for months on end to address his spy network. Waltz can't keep an eye on both of them at once all the time." The Hokage wept with her head still down. "Crypt's still banned from there after the pudding incident in the recovery ward which is why he wasn't with the old bastard."

The elderly pair shivered as they remembered that horrific event.

"And then there was last month when Shadow somehow managed to fill every bath house in the village with a different flavored ramen." Tsunade continued in a haunted tone.

No one wanted to know how she managed to pull that off without anyone noticing until it was too late.

"It is somewhat concerning how, active, the Oogakari are becoming lately." Homura muttered tiredly. "Normally they keep their more… outlandish events further spread apart and less involved with the public."

"It's probably because Naruto and Ghost are scheduled to come back soon." The blonde sighed depressed, causing the other two in the room to slowly pale dramatically.

"This isn't good." The lone male in the room muttered ominously. "We have to find a way to reduce the amount of damage they will do the village as efficiently as possible."

"We can't put Uzumaki-kun on missions outside of the village." Koharu pointed out. "If the reports are true, then Akatsuki will be on the move soon. We can't risk the Kyubi being stolen…"

"Naruto will be put on missions outside of the village." Tsunade grunted, but without much force behind it. Unlike in the previous timeline, the jinchuriki had a sharp mind going for him in addition to his increased skill and power. Any real doubts in his ability were feeble at best at this point. Making some big speech about having faith in his abilities now would more than likely just make her look like an idiot. "He'll probably be strong enough to handle himself by now, and unless you haven't noticed yet, missions he undertakes have a tendency to be bumped up by at least a rank. I'd rather keep that danger outside of our walls thank you very much."

"Then why not simply force him to continue to train inside the village and not give him missions?" Homura suggested. The looks he got from the other two females in the room gave him his answer. "Right. Silly idea. My mistake."

"I suggest we make final decisions on what to do with him after we reevaluate his abilities upon his return." Koharu stated. "That way, not only will we have a better idea of where he should apply his abilities, but we have an excuse to promote him. I shudder to think of what would happen if he realized that he was the only person in his age group that below the rank of special jonin."

Tsunade snorted. "He'd probably ask how many of them he'd have to take down at once in order to get promoted to jonin. Then if that didn't work he'd most likely challenge me directly." She paused. "And if I don't agree, worst case scenario says that he challenges one of the Oogakari to a public fight."

"That's what I'm afraid of." The elder female muttered darkly. "The potential collateral damage from such an event would be immeasurable."

"I'd just stick him on missions that we know will go wrong since we know he can handle himself." The Slug Princess yawned. "And when he's back, keep him occupied with politics, the Namikaze estate, or throw him in the Hyuuga compound. Hiashi and Hinata seem to be able to rein him in a lot easier than the rest of the village put together."

"Done." The two elders spoke at once. "What of his situation with the revelation of his father?"

Tsunade grimaced. In order to prevent things from getting out of hand with Iwa, she had indeed revealed the fact that Naruto was the son of Minato Namikaze while he was out of the village, and also informed everyone that until recently even he did not know who his parents were and was treated as a normal individual to prevent giving him any unwanted attention.

In a sick sort of way, Hiruzen's decision to reveal his status as a jinchuriki to the villagers had helped keep the blonde off the radar as the civilians' blind hatred prevented anyone from connecting the dots with their own prejudice. The only problem was that said prejudice ended up being just as much of a threat to the boy as enemy shinobi did at some points.

Regardless, the fact that the bulk of Konoha didn't know of Naruto's lineage worked in their favor as the sheer amount of initial disbelief that ran through the general populace became very well known among the other nations via the standard spy networks that every village has in every other village. While it did embarrass the village in the leaves on an international scale, it also somewhat tempered the mood in Iwa. Oh the general population still wanted to kill Naruto and maim Konoha and would grab any chance to do it, but their impulse to do so was slightly lowered by seeing that the son of Namikaze was for most of his life street trash. Given what they heard about the kid's past, they decided that it would be good to let him live a bit more to let their rivals wallow in their own guilt for a bit.

Plus the fact that the kid tended to make an ass out of himself in public made them want to see Konoha's reputation drop even further as their golden child embarrass them in front of important clients.

But of course, at least according to Sasuke and Hinata, the real problem that cropped up with the announcing of Naruto's lineage was the new swarm of fangirls that emerged overnight after his identity was revealed. Messages of all forms were made out to him and flooded his mailbox within a week.

Since no one else wanted to deal with the endless letters containing marriage proposals, "meetings of mutual benefits", and other bull like that and sort out which ones were actually important from the ones that were just a waste of space, Shadow took it upon herself to provide a solution… for a price of course.

She didn't go into details into how she managed to reduce the small mountain of paper to a twentieth of its size in an hour, consisting only of important documents and meetings with significant individuals, but she did make comments about blood rituals, a possessed chainsaw named Steve that liked bubblegum, and liberal amounts of fire.

What she did with the remains of the other letters could only be speculated, but many assumed it had to do with Scabbard destroying the Oogakari compound (again) a few days later in a fit of rage, and as everyone knows, only fangirl related subjects can make Scabbard rage.

Then there was the one and only time that a group of the unfortunate fools got the bright idea to try to ask the Oogakari for their favor in an attempt to try and get closer to Naruto.

Scabbard was the one that opened the door.

That day did not end well.

… It should be noted that Hinata had trouble not smiling for almost a week following the incident.

"Same as before. Keep him with the Hyuuga and give him missions." Tsunade offered almost instantly. "Between the two of those, almost any undesirable idiot that wishes to contact Uzumaki will be blocked off before so much as seeing him. There will of course be ones with significant positioning in the world that cannot be deterred that way, but we will have to deal with them on an individual basis and above all else, keep them away from the Hyuuga."

The other two elders nodded, knowing of the Hiress' relationship with the blonde boy and her reaction to any potential threats was not something that could be ignored without consequences arising.

"And for Ghost-kun…" Homura spoke up.

"Stick him with Anko and Hana of course." The blonde rolled her eyes. "As absurdly overkill as it sounds to put those three together, we can at least ensure that they focus their boredom on one another instead of the rest of the village. Besides, we'll be able to take more assassination and S ranked missions that way. Log knows how many missions that idiot would be willing to take without those two to make him."

"That sounds reasonable enough." Homura nodded as he looked out the windows to look at the village and sighed. "… Honestly, how is it that we are in the middle of a political standoff with Iwa and we consider the impending return of two of our strongest assets to be most concerning issue?"

"Consider it a blessing." The blonde wearily looked at him. "With their addition to our ranks again, combined with the rookie twelve and the rest of the Oogakari, many would claim that we could manage to win a war with two of the other great nations and still come out strong. The fact that most of the other nations are warming up to us instead of throwing accusations around means less trouble for us in the future."

"Indeed." Koharu nodded. "This recent generation is quite impressive. All of them received such high promotions at their early ages despite it not being war time. I oversaw some of their tests myself. It makes me glad that the future generations are being placed in competent hands."

"Same here." Tsunade nodded with a smile. "I have a good feeling about the future generation too…"

A sudden explosion in one of the farther parks wiped the smile off of her face instantly. Above the cloud of dust, two human shaped figures flew straight up into the air before falling straight back down again limply.

Apparently Waltz had just discovered what Shadow and Crypt had done at the academy and gotten his hands on his beloved family members.

"Now if only we could make sure that the Oogakari don't mess this up for us…"

o. o. o.

Kirigakure:

"So then." Zabuza yawned as he sat on a rock next to Haku and looked at an opened scroll in his hands. Despite his rise in position over the past few years both in skill and in political importance, his appearance had not changed in the slightest "Shall we go over the list one last time?"

"Of course." The teen smiled gently. Unlike her beloved master, she had indeed changed She was still dressed in a kimono, albeit one that was a bit larger than her old ones, her color scheme had not changed much as she still wore dark sea blue with white trimmings. Likewise her hair style did not change as she still held all but her long bangs in an elegant bun when she was working.

However as her feminine figure developed more she decided to forgo her old turtleneck thick shirt underneath for a more revealing long sleeve black mesh shirt that revealed more of her chest. It was not enough to be considered indecent, however it was enough to catch the attention of the lesser trained male gender.

Fun fact. Inexperienced opponents distracted by an opponent's cleavage have a tendency to aim more for said cleavage than where they should be. They also had a tendency to miss their opponent making single handed seals when their other hand was holding senbon in front of their chest.

Completing her appearance, the girl had replaced her baggy shorts with slightly less baggy pants of the same matching color. She did not get rid of her wooden sandals.

Neither of the pair was at all bothered by the fact that they were in an underground cavern or that there was an unnatural amount of mist in front of them. Save for the occasional drop of water falling from the ceiling to the ground, the cold cavern was unusually silent when no one spoke.

It was the perfect place for a person to train in silent killing.

"We trained the next generation of seven swordsmen without maiming or crippling them." The man began casually.

"It was very difficult for you to do that, I'm sure." The girl laughed lightly.

The masked man leered at his adopted family member skeptically. "If memory serves, the only time Suigetsu was found close to being permanently injured was after he had an encounter with you."

The ice user shrugged. "It is not my fault that he would not take no for an answer. I was merely putting my foot down on the subject in a way he would understand."

The swordsman snorted. "Who said I was voicing disapproval? The little shit is nowhere near good enough for you." He looked down at the list again. "Improved relations between Konoha in Kiri."

"On the other hand, I fully approve of Mei-sama." Haku teased almost innocently. "She's good looking, strong, and you get along quite well."

"Yeah. Yeah. Laugh it up kid. I'm just glad that I enjoy performing my "political duties" for once." He chuckled. "Most of the time I had to deal with old annoying idiots that couldn't even count the money they were stealing from their people properly. Made me want to slit my throat so many damn times. Fucking inbred morons."

The ice user raised an eyebrow. "Oh? But I thought a good portion of the time those meetings were used as a cover for you to actually kill those politicians later. When people accused you of doing it, you would use the excuse that you had a deal in the works with him and so there was no point in you doing it. That way you could frame the crime on political opponents."

"Yeah, but it didn't change the fact that I had to _talk_ and _listen_ to them." The assassin shamelessly snorted. "You'd be surprised at how many hits Scab's put on a good number of nobles and lords under secret alias'. Trust me, the human gene pool would be better off without them."

"Is that why I've heard rumors about Kakuzu doing many political assassinations for the past couple of years?" Haku asked curiously.

"It helps green hair keep track of the guy without getting caught too." Zabuza shrugged. "You know how the bastard likes to multitask." He looked at the list again. "Get used to using Isobu's chakra. I think I'm doing pretty good there."

" **As much as we can given our status. I am not Kurama. I do not possess his resiliency, so it is still difficult for me to control my powers given the fact that I have spent over a decade in insanity and have had half my chakra torn away. Communicating in your overcomplicated human tongue alone still takes effort for me to accomplish."** The giant turtle in his body growled irritably with an accent that could only be described as animalistic. Over the past couple of years the Three Tails had regained a good portion of his sanity with his interactions with Zabuza. Unfortunately he was still very prone to falling back into animalistic frenzies if he was agitated enough, preventing his container from pulling more than a single tail's worth of power at any given time.

Still, their relationship was rather close given that they shared a mutual enemy that had taken away their mutual close friend away from them.

"Isobu-san is arguing with you again isn't he?" Haku giggled lightly.

"Not in the slightest." The male lied without hesitation.

" **Why couldn't the Legacy's Prophet have sealed me into the girl instead? Even if she can't talk to me directly she's still more polite than you ever were."** The Sanbi grumbled.

" _Because our suffering keeps him young. That's why."_ The swordmaster mentally berated his tenant sarcastically before looking at the list for the last time. "So there's all of that done, and then there's the trap…" He glanced to his side. "… Which I do believe is set up, primed, and ready."

Haku nodded as she glanced at the thick heavy mist that hung over a massive underground lake. Even though she couldn't see it, she knew that there was a small island in the middle of said lake that held a small shrine. Inside aforementioned shrine was a large scroll that possessed the other half of the Sanbi.

She also knew that it would be near impossible for anyone who did not know of the set up security measures set up around the scroll to be able to reach it, let alone make it ten feet past the edge of the lake.

The positioning of the scroll and securing it had been a horrifically guarded process. Each participant in setting it up was carefully selected, as were the location of the underground cave they were in and the jutsu used to protect the scroll in the first place.

As such it came as no surprise that Haku, as one of the people that designed the entire setup, knew that one of the people involved preparing the rigged vault, one that had many political links and resources, was actually a confirmed spy. She also knew that said confirmed spy had already sold the location of the Sanbi to outside sources half a month ago, and was subsequently captured and legally tortured for all sorts of other information.

She knew the precautions would not keep Akatsuki away… but then again, Akatsuki would probably not expect anyone to try to use the Biju themselves as live bait…

… Nor that the bait would be rigged.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Hey guys!" Ino shouted loudly and happily as she, Choji and Kin walked into the village, having returned from a mission, to come across Sakura, Sasuke, and Sai talking to Izumo and Kotetsu. "Long time no see! What's up?"

"Hello Ino. Everything's fine. We are just collecting documents around the village for Hokage-sama." Sai smiled, his skin still pale, but not quite as sick looking as it had before. His outfit had not changed much since several years beforehand. He still wore primarily dark colors and thankfully due to the other's intervention he had abandoned altering it to show his midriff like he had in the previous world. "I see you are returning from a mission. Is Shikamaru once again acting as an envoy to Suna?"

"Keyword. Acting. Everyone knows that the lazy bum manages to finish almost all his work within the first few days of getting in Suna so he can spend the rest of his time there with the Kazekage's sister." Kin smirked as she walked forward.

Now standing at nearly five six, the girl had developed into a very good looking young woman and she did nothing to hide it. Wearing a black spandex bodysuit underneath an open dark green shinobi vest, arm guards, shin guards, and a short green skirt that held several weapons pouches off of her hips, the girl was a sight to behold. Completing her look was a headband over her forehead and a thick dark blue scarf around her neck that hid the bottom of her face a good portion of the time.

While her choice in her attire did draw looks from many people, the populace in Konoha knew better than to comment on it. They had long learned what would happen to anyone who mocked spandex suits to the resident taijutsu masters or any of their confirmed significant others.

It tended to end in a savage beating and possibly a crater in the ground.

"Considering the fact that Gaara hasn't killed him in the past two years, I think it's safe to say that there's no problem with that." Sasuke stated tiredly as he showed up behind Sai, appearing to be casual. Out of all the shinobi in their generation, Sasuke's had changed the most. Dressed predominantly in ANBU gear even though he wasn't one, with the addition of his ever present sword hanging from the back of his waist belt, the teen looked more lethal now than ever. Despite his attire, people knew he wasn't a member of the black ops due to several reasons.

First of all he didn't wear the standard ANBU animal mask, instead preferring to go with the half face mask Kakashi used. When he was asked why he wore a mask at all, he replied evenly that the last time he tried such a thing there had been a massive fangirl riot outside his home.

Another fact was that he didn't expose his shoulders like every other operative, instead wearing a long sleeved shirt over his arm guards. While there were some operatives that were dressed otherwise, it was commonly agreed upon that if an ANBU was in uniform, their shoulders were exposed to reveal their tattoos that signified that they were among the black ops. Rumor had it that the tattoos were actually some sort of seal that could help identify when an operative was real or fake, but no one could or would confirm it.

Last, but not least was the large Uchiha symbol posted on the back of his vest and shirt that gave him away. If you wanted to keep your identity a secret, you don't put unique symbols on your person for everyone to see. Even the civilians knew this.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see about that." Ino grinned mischievously. Dressed in a dark no sleeved black top that hugger her body and showed off her midriff, and long slit purple skirt with black trimming that showed off one of her legs showing that she still wrapped her legs with tape underneath up to her thigh, with a black mesh shirt underneath her top, she had developed quite a dangerous kunoichi. Off of her waist and legs she held multiple weapon and medicine pouches.

To this day no one knew exactly what she held in all of them, or how many of them were legal to own. All people knew was that when she was asked, the constantly smiling teen's grin would widen to such a degree that most would immediately take back the question. There was a damn good reason why she was called the Smiling Witch after all.

"Most people in power don't want to have a lazy know it all brother-in-law that could probably do a good part of their job better than they could." She giggled amusedly.

"Better one of those than some deadbeat that doesn't do anything." Sakura sighed as she finally joined the group, putting Izumo's and Kotetsu's report into an envelope. Instead of a bright red top, she now wore a dark red bleeding into dark green kimono top over a black mesh shirt combo, giving her an appearance similar to Tsunade minus the woman's massive bust and hairstyle. "How was your mission Pig?"

Ino ignored the childish jab and shrugged, pulling out a senbon and twirling it in her fingers with practiced ease absentmindedly. No one dared to ask if it was poisoned or not. "Eh. It was all right. Standard escort mission to some Noble shmuck with more money than looks and let me tell you, he didn't have that much money compared to most nobles."

"You know Ino, if I didn't know you better, I'd be really unnerved by what you just said." Choji sighed dejectedly. Easily the largest person in the group, reaching five ten and with a good amount of weight, the boy displayed all the marks of being an Akimichi. He still had the spiral tattoos on his cheeks and he wore his bandanna headband over the top of his long needle like hair, but his clothes have changed a bit. He still wore thick metal bracing over his arms and legs, and he still wore a metal plated black kilt over his waist that hung over his rust red pants, yet his upper body surprisingly enough did not possess such protection. Instead he wore a rather tight red long sleeved shirt with the Akimichi family's logo on the front, all under his open standard vest which he dyed dull steel grey.

It was an odd appearance for a shinobi, especially for such a high ranking Akimichi to have… but for those who knew what the boy was capable of it was perfectly acceptable and understandable.

"Aww. Don't worry Choji-kuuun." Ino turned to her boyfriend with puppydog eyes and hugged him tightly. Thankfully she remembered to be careful with the senbon she was playing with this time. "No one can replace you. You're too cute and cuddly and strong to get rid of. I just wish you would do something about the clients doubting you all the time and show them up. All you would have to do is use one of your combos and…"

"Look stupid as I realize that you hit them with a sleeping poison before I manage to pull anything off." He laughed knowingly. "It's ok Ino. I don't need their recognition. So long as things go without any issue, I'm fine with their comments."

"Is that right?" Sai raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean that you don't get angry anymore when someone calls you fa…"

Thump.

The ROOT agent was floored as he was simultaneously shocked, suckerpunched, and covered in poisonous needles.

"That would be a no." Kin rolled her eyes, having being the only one other than Choji to harm the pale boy. "I think you may have gone a bit overboard this time."

"Not my fault." Sakura flexed her gloves casually. "Choji's even stronger than me physically when he goes on a rampage and I didn't know if the others would get to him on time."

"I felt Choji's killing intent spike and acted on instinct." Sasuke shrugged, not paying attention to the small number of electrical arcs flashing around his left hand.

"Why do you think I have to knock out the clients when they make fun of him?" Ino raised an eyebrow skeptically, twirling the same senbon in her hand that she had been before, albeit a bit faster than before.

"Still didn't save the idiot that one time you weren't around." Kin snorted before pausing and tilting to the side to see something behind the other group. "… What the hell is she doing this time?"

Before anyone could ask what Kin was talking about, a series of grunts and the sound of something heavy being dragged across the ground met their ears.

"Hurgh!" Rumble. "Gah!" Rumble. "Nargh!" Rumble. "Stressful noises!" Rumble.

The six teens and many other people in the area turned to see the odd sight of Shadow Oogakari dragging a giant thirty yard tall stone Buddha statue towards the gate.

"Against my better judgment… what the heck are you doing this time?" Sakura asked the clearly stressed woman as she approached the exit of the village.

The dark haired woman did not seem to acknowledge the girl's question as she rather frantically tried to drag her load outside. "The balloons!" Rumble. "They have once more!" Rumble. "Developed a taste for my flesh!" Rumble. "They HUNGER!" Rumble. "FOR MORE!" Rumble. Rumble. Rumble.

Everyone didn't have anything intelligent to say about the insane woman's statement as she slowly disappeared down the road with the giant statue.

"Ok… I don't know about you guys, but that was a bit off even… for…" Ino began skeptically before turning around and instantly stopped talking and began to twitch her eyebrow.

Not bothering to ask her what was wrong, they, against their instincts, looked to see at least several thousand balloons of various colors and shapes floating slowly and silently towards the group, out the gate, and in the direction that Shadow had just disappeared.

Sasuke was the first to regain control of himself. "So Sakura, I think Sai is still unconscious. How about healing him so we can finish our mission?"

"Sai?" The pink haired girl blinked in confusion before realizing what her boyfriend had just said. "Oh! Sai! The mission! Right!" She went down and began to pull out the senbon in the still unconscious boy's body. "Ino, do I need any antidotes this time?"

"I don't even want to know…" The blonde girl muttered to herself bewildered before absently tossing her friend a vial and began to walk absently towards the Hokage's tower. "Come on Choji! Kin! I want to get the report done with so I can get some private boyfriend time to counter the crazy!"

"That's a lot of boyfriend time." Kin muttered absently as she glanced back briefly at the shrinking swarm of flying rubber before following the girl.

"No complaints for me." The tallest teen laughed nervously as screams outside the village began to be heard. "I might need it myself. Later guys. Tell Sai I'm sorry for what happened."

"Done and done. You up for dinner at the Korean Barbecue tonight? Round eight?" Sakura asked while one hand glowed green and the other expertly opened Ino's antidote with her thumb.

"So long as nothing happens at home, you'll see me there." The Akimichi waved before chasing after his girlfriend.

"Hey guys!" Izumo shouted from the gate box. "You need help?"

"We're good!" Sasuke replied absently while still looking at Sakura work like a machine to remove Sai's deceptively mundane injuries. He had always known that his girlfriend was good at what she did, but over the past couple of years her skill has reached the point that she was considered one of the top five medical specialists in the village next to Tsunade, Waltz, Shizune, and Hana. She didn't have the experience that they did, but her natural talent was something that he had heard many of the doctors in the hospital whisper about on occasion when she passed by.

Though he wouldn't say it often, he would wholly agree that his girlfriend was definitely someone he would consider worth spending the rest of his life with. She was not only strong, but the most capable person he could think of around his age to raise a family with to be healthy and in line.

The next most capable female he could think of that fit that category was Hinata, but even if Sakura dumped him, there was no way in hell he would attempt to approach that one. He had been stuck in many dangerous and deadly situations in his short life… he did not think he would be able to survive it if he crossed either one of those two. He'd feel safer if he was locked in a room with a homicidal version of his brother.

He scowled. Itachi had been rather quiet as of late. Granted his brother had always been rather good at imitating being mute, but over the past few years they had managed to set up a secret way of communicating through some of the older Uchiha storage depots and fortresses that their father had dragged them to when they were small. At most they could only exchange messages once every three months or so, but it had been over half a year since they had managed to get anything to one another.

Considering the fact that there had been no rumors of massive black infernos running rampant for three days straight, it was pretty safe to assume that he had not been caught as a spy or killed just yet. The man was just too good to die quietly.

Something was happening in Akatsuki, and deep down he knew that it was going to rear its ugly head soon.

If he looked around at the people he knew and suspected were in the know about these things, he got more signs. The Oogakari were more active than normal with their chaos. The Hokage was sending out more diplomatic missions to the other nations. Zabuza and Haku have been spending more time in Kiri, Shikamaru in Suna, and Scabbard more so on his spy network than at home. Many of his group's old teachers have been spending more time with extreme training than normally expected of Jonin. That green haired kunoichi from Taki who he confirmed was a Jinchuriki was going on fewer missions lately and spending a good amount of time with the third. Sakura was focusing almost rabidly on her medical studies as of late, going over some injuries that he had no idea existed, let alone be able to pronounce properly…

The storm he was told about was finally coming. He didn't know when exactly, but it would come in hard, fast, and hit everyone. That much was for certain.

As much as he wanted to do something about it unfortunately, the Uchiha reluctantly had to admit that despite his power there was nothing he could do to his knowledge to turn things into his favor. Not yet at least.

What bugged him the most though, was that their own "storm" had yet to arrive.

Naruto was an unquestionable force of nature by himself, even before he left to train several years ago. There had been many guesses as to how powerful, and potentially off in the head, he would be when he returned. It had varied between having full control over the Kyubi, to miraculously spawning a unique dojutsu for some stupid reason or another, to mastering kenjutsu, to being able to use all five elements and so on. Each one more ridiculous than the last, but each in a way possible in everyone's minds considering how absurdly unpredictable the blond could be at times…

On a side note, Sasuke had put some money on the mastering Kyubi's chakra pool and the ability to use at least four elements pool. He felt that they were the safe bets.

The blonde was a, if not "the", deciding factor in the chaos to come, and his absence unnerved the Uchiha more than the idea of fighting people stronger than his brother. His best friend was the one that made somehow could make the worst shitty situations not only manageable but actually amusing…

Best friend. Hah. Those two words would have caused his heart to go up his throat just a few years ago. Honestly, he loved Itachi as the selfless brother and hero that he was… but the man would make a shitty father and leader. Technically Sasuke believed it was their father's fault more than anything. The man had pushed his brother too hard and was too into the clan's traditions and positioning in Konoha to actually treat his children like children, and it had resulted in his brother's ultimate hell.

Itachi had a good heart, but his methods of trying to help other people become strong were more twisted than the Oogakari's, and THAT was saying something.

Even if he didn't have the Mangekyo Sharingan yet, he knew that there were other ways to unlock it without killing someone close to you.

Sai's grunting snapped him out of his musings. "Ugh. What happened?" The pale teen turned to his doctor. "Did I by chance say something not acceptable again?"

"Yep." Sakura sighed as she stood and brushed her hands on her side. "You really gotta learn to be more careful with what you say to people Sai. You're better than when we first met you, but in some ways it makes your slipups more disastrous than ever."

"I'll take that to heart." The artist grunted as he picked himself up and smiled sheepishly. The other two teammates could tell he was still forcing it a bit, but it looked far more natural than it did when he first attempted the expression.

"Oh dear god the rubber! It's everywhere and the static is ruining my hair! Keep away from my candy safe Buddha! Its chocolate gut and badonkadonk core goodness is MINE AND MINE ALONE!"

"What was that?" The ROOT agent blinked in confusion as he turned to face outside the village.

"Something that you don't want to lose brain cells over." Sakura deadpanned as she walked in the opposite direction. "Come on. We still have a mission to finish."

"At least we know part of the reason why she had the statue with her." Sasuke sighed as he followed his teammate, already going through the standard steps to forget about the latest example of insanity that crossed his path.

o. o. o.

In one of the local parks:

Hiruzen chuckled lightly as he sat on a bench next to Waltz and Fuu. All around the bench, the bodies of completely exhausted children ranging from age seven to thirteen littered the ground. "I must admit Waltz-dono, this is far more relaxing and fun than I originally thought."

"Heheh. It was pretty fun watching the brats wipe themselves out while we did almost nothing." The jinchuriki snickered while nudging a small girl nearby with a foot.

"I told you." The eldest one there smiled gently, poking a borderline unconscious Konohamaru with his staff. "They seem to enjoy it as much as I do, and it does do wonders for their stamina training if what Iruka has told me is true."

"Get. You. One. Day. Old. Man." The foaming at the mouth boy gasped deeply. So much so that the elders weren't sure if he was aware he was being poked in the head.

"You've been saying that for years Konohamaru and so far neither you nor your friends have managed it once." The giant replied with a hint of overconfidence in his voice. He wasn't normally that brash, but the extra bit of taunting would help push the boy in his efforts later.

"Now now Konohamaru." Hiruzen chided gently. "You must prioritize now. You passed your genin test last week so you won't have time to play with Waltz-dono as much as before."

"Oh let the boy have some fun." Waltz rumbled gruffly. "Strict training is good, but you know as well as I do that people progress the most in subjects that they actually enjoy. The more they want to train, the longer they last and the more they get out of it."

"He's got a point." Fuu smirked. "They tried to get me to learn seduction training back in Taki when I was a kid. It didn't end well to say the least for obvious reasons. Fast forward to my stay here and a few bar hopping nights with Anko and now I can flirt with the best of them." She stroked her exposed arms sensually. "After all, who wouldn't want to play with a girl with nice tan skin like mine?"

"The ones that go for the T and A." The giant smirked while still poking Konohamaru's head absently.

The Jinchuriki developed a tick mark and made a fist. "If Choumei wasn't scared shitless of you old man I would…"

"Honestly you two. There are children here." Hiruzen grunted, though the twitch at the corner of his mouth gave his poorly hidden amusement away.

"Like they're conscious enough to remember what we're talking about." The immortal snorted as he began to expertly flip the Hokage's grandson like a pancake without the boy protesting in the slightest.

"Right. I understand you perfectly." Fuu nodded, apparently understanding what the ex Hokage had said before making a few seals and breathing out a cloud of very faint and fine dust over the area and the exhausted children. At first nothing seemed to happen, but that changed when the green haired girl emitted a spark of electricity from one of her fingers. Instead of staying where it was, the thin light jumped from her digit, zigzagged uninhibited in a random pattern that looped itself several times through the air, and zapped one of the kids to her right on the butt.

"Ow!" The eight year old shouted as he jumped up and grabbed his rear, gaining the eyes of all the other young ones there.

Zap. "Ow!" Zap. "Ow!" Zap. "Ow!"

Each feeble spark made by the jinchuriki's fingers traveled through the air as if it was a clean, albeit distorted circuit, and assaulted a different child's person, prompting them to jump up in pain despite their exhaustion.

"Old people are talking old important stuff brats." The woman yawned as she assaulted another three children in the process. "Leave now or forever lose feeling in you backside."

"This is a very interesting technique." Hiruzen mused as he watched the assault continue and ignored the screams of fear around him. "It enhances the control over external lightning manipulation techniques and reduces the cost of smaller techniques to virtually nothing…"

"It absorbs the moisture in the air, using it to take in the local heat, and in the end helps channel lightning chakra." Waltz observed lazily, also ignoring the screams of protest around him. "It's based off of ideal conditions for static electricity to happen naturally. Dry air and lower temperatures. The dust also magnifies the control and range of what the user is doing, but higher power moves would be destabilized by the conductivity and spread of the dust, destabilizing them. By itself the technique is probably nothing more than a D rank. It's very simple… but its ability to enhance the range and power low level lightning techniques is quite useful. If I'm right, it can also be used to disperse the charge of high power techniques of the same type as well." He nodded in approval. "A versatile move with multiple uses."

"Glad this move meets your standards." Fuu rolled her eyes while quietly noting to herself to experiment with the defensive property of her technique later with Kakashi.

"Run! Run from the pain!" Konohamaru shouted as he was tagged for the third time and escaped with the rest of the children there, not bothering to look back in case doing so might risk getting them shocked again.

"It seems as if my grandson still has to work a bit when it comes to being discrete." The grandfather sighed wearily.

"Kid needs to expand on his vocabulary too." Waltz chuckled.

"I dunno. He seemed to have a pretty wide range of swears when we were beating him and his friends into the ground." Fuu mused as she blew the small smoke away from the tips of her fingers and canceled out the technique surrounding them. Within moments the warmer local humid air had once reigned uninhibited. "So what are we talking about today?"

The water element master sighed before tapping the ground twice with his staff, instantly causing all the water in the air around them to absorb any sound that passes through the air that doesn't come or go from their heads. "It appears as if the game has finally started." He muttered wearily.

Fuu flinched at the news, but Hiruzen did not so much as twitch. "I believe that it has started earlier than last time. Who was it?" The elder asked with a glint to his eye.

Waltz leaned back into his chair. "Scab's found out that the Rokubi's container was defeated in Tea Country almost a week ago. Even if you were to amass our teams now or contact the other villages about it, odds are more than likely that attempting him would be a wasted effort. He might be sealed already for all we know."

"I see…" The container of the Seven Tails frowned. "Choumei never got along with Saiken. She said that the slug was too slow and boring to talk to for long periods of time, but she says that he still didn't deserve what happened to him." She glanced at the giant. "Who was it that did him in?"

The informant shrugged. "There wasn't much to go by when he got to the scene of the fight, but Scab suspects it was Zetsu, their spy and mokuton user, that did it."

"Another mokuton user." The Hokage shook his head. "I thought it was absurd enough when Tenzo survived Orochimaru's experiments, but there was someone else before him? It's just absurd."

"No more absurd than children learning to walk on walls and perform techniques of mass destruction." Waltz shrugged casually. His gesture almost conveyed that there was more to the subject that the other two knew of, but neither bothered to ask him what it was. They knew he would not answer the question.

"So the enemy's finally moving." Fuu hunched over and narrowed her eyes in an attempt to think. "Who do you think is next? Blondie's still gone and Akatsuki's probably still moving under the assumption that no one knows what they're doing yet."

"Hmm. Well we did guess accurately that they would go for the Rokubi first." Hiruzen nodded. "The issue is that virtually all of the other biju are in the main villages now. Naruto can move rather freely still as they have to take him last, but that still leaves seven possible targets in five locations, and they don't necessarily have to go for only one at a time…"

"I don't think they'd go for Matabi or Gyuki so soon." Fuu mused. "Sure it would be getting the hardest pair out of the way first, but getting Kumo involved early in the game would be a bad move."

"A logical assumption, but perhaps that is why they'd go for Kumo's beasts first, while the village still has its guard down." Waltz pointed out casually.

"Take out the strong and the weak shall follow." The elderly Hokage nodded sagely. "Following that logic, they would more than likely aim for the weaker secured biju next and attack Suna and Kiri…"

"Iwa and Kiri." Waltz corrected. "Suna's not in a borderline civil war, and Iwa has two containers to plunder, one of which is still kept under heavy lockup. Even if Roshi and Goku are in perfect sync with one another, the payoff for effort is much greater if they go for Iwa first."

"True true. My mistake." Hiruzen nodded as he delved into the scenario. "… And should they succeed it would be disastrous for negotiating with the other nations. As Konoha and Suna are in an alliance and young Fuu here is staying in Konoha, the last three biju would be in our possession. That would without a doubt cause many to start to ask questions and doubt our sincerity to the cause, even if we did warn them about it beforehand."

"And with six biju under their control, they would have more than enough power to utilize alternative methods of attack, even if they lost a good number of their members before that point." Waltz stroked his beard contemplatively before shaking his head with a wry grin. "Alas, that is just but one possible route that things can turn out. I am merely one of the invisible hands that guides the pieces in directions they did not know existed."

"Oh stop with the "I'm a god and know things you don't" crap already." Fuu rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder whose side you're on."

The immortal chuckled dryly. "My dear child, the unfortunate truth is that when a person becomes as powerful as we are with no strings attached, the only side that he, she, or it can honestly say they are on… is their own."

o. o. o.

Suna:

"This place is pretty good." Shikamaru grinned satisfied, dressed in the exact same way he did in the previous timeline at this age, as he leaned back against the chair in the restaurant that he, Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were eating at. As they were with the Kazekage, the four were seated in the best location the place could offer. It was an elaborate outside patio that was designed to give the customers a beautiful view of the city while ensuring that the sporadic winds that ran through the village would not touch them. "It's a bit high end for me to come to more often, but I'd definitely not argue against coming again."

"Amazing." Kankuro, still dressed in his puppeteer garb with his warpaint (though not around his mouth so he wouldn't risk smearing it). "Two whole sentences and he didn't say the word "troublesome"."

"I know." Temari grinned cheekily to her brother, dressed in a gray green wardress with protective plating over the front. "You have no idea how long it took me to train him to stop doing that."

"An impressive feat." Gaara stated evenly with his eyes closed before sagely drinking his tea.

"I'm more surprised that you managed to develop a sense of humor." Shikamaru glared at the Kazekage.

"Three sentences!" The puppetmaster laughed before drinking some more of his rice wine.

"I apparently have a unique taste in black comedy." The redhead continued to talk to the Nara, pointedly ignoring his older brother's laughter. "Unfortunately, sometimes people have trouble telling my jokes apart from me being serious."

"I blame Shukakau." His sister added. "That insane rat's completely desensitized you when it comes to violent and morbid things."

" **For the last time, I'm not a fucking rat!"** The biju roared from inside his container. **"What kind of rat has a tail as awesome and epic as the one I have?! HUH!? Answer me!"**

"Is he ranting about his tail again?" Kankuro asked with a knowing grin.

"If he is, I'm not paying attention enough to care." The younger brother shrugged before drinking some more tea.

"His tail?" The shadow user raised an eyebrow.

"Shukaku's obsessed with it." Temari waved a hand lazily. "Apparently you instantly jump from his "kill slowly" list to his "kill quickly" list if you compliment it enough times within his hearing range. Gaara even says that when he isn't going off on wild rants, the thing spends most of his time grooming the thing even though he's technically made completely out of sand."

Kankuro snickered. "While compared to what I've heard about the other Biju's tails he, does seem to be the most impressive looking, I think that the giant sand nut spend too much time drooling over it."

" **You try comparing yourself with eight siblings that are all pretty much better than you in one way or another!"** The Ichibi snapped inside of Gaara, getting a brief moment of pause from the Kazekage. **"Matabi's tails are on FUCKING FIRE! BLUE FIRE! How the hell am I supposed to go up against that under normal circumstances!? And don't you dare suggest try to light myself on fire! I already tried that once a few centuries ago and it sucked! It didn't work that well either."**

"… I am convinced that if Shukaku was just a bit smarter he'd get along with the Oogakari far more easily than I am comfortable with." The Kazekage frowned, causing his brother to burst out loud laughing and the rest of the group to hold back their chuckled desperately.

"At least his tails aren't tentacles." Temari commented between giggles. "From what I heard the Hachibi and the Yonbi's tails are those. Trust me Gaara, you'd be hard pressed to get a girlfriend if it was public knowledge that you had a tentacle monster in your gut."

"From what I've heard, the main reason why the Hachibi's container can't get a girlfriend is because he's an idiot that can't shut up." Shikamaru smirked.

"Agreed." Gaara nodded sagely.

"What is he? In his thirties?" the Naara asked with mock disappointment.

"Thirty four, but sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a ten year old." The redhead answered, shaking his head in shame. How someone like that managed to gain full control over his tailed beast was beyond him. "The sad thing is that even when he's not joking around it's hard to take him seriously."

Kankuro was now having trouble breathing as he drunkenly started hammering the table while laughing his lungs out.

" **Humph. Gyuki deserves a better container than that idiot."** The Ichibi snorted while picking at his tail's folds meticulously. **"Unlike that prick Kurama, he was always the more reasonable of the higher numbered biju to deal with."**

Gaara paused and decided to talk to his biju privately. _"Shukaku… you are not one that a person would expect to talk about rationality and being reasonable. In fact I believe that the first time I have ever heard you talk about someone in a positive light."_

" **I am not a fool! Just because I get aroused from killing any and all that come across my sights does not mean I do not recognize those that have potential! Of course, I tend to kill those ones as well, but the ones I don't I at least remember!"** The Tanuki snapped irritably. **"Gyuki is the only one of my siblings that I actually like and won't kill on sight! Kurama though, I want to end with every fiber of my being!"**

" _Yes you've made that last bit abundantly clear several times over the course of our relationship."_ Gaara humored his biju dryly. While he and his tenant still did not get along for the most part, they could, occasionally, engage in somewhat lucid conversations. _"But since I tend to want and need the ones you want to kill around the most, you are unfortunately going to have to look for another vice to waste long periods of time on. Your tail is rather impressive. Perhaps if you put that sort of effort into something else… like furthering your control and range of your powers…"_

"… **Are you calling me fat?"** The Ichibi growled dangerously, completely missing the point.

The Kazekage's eye twitched once. _"No, and I am not getting in this argument with you gain Shukaku."_

" **I keep telling everyone! I'm not fat! My gut is just larger so that I can breathe in more air because it's my element! I need deeper lungs so that I can KILL DAMN IT! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS!? SO WHAT IF I'M THE ONLY BIJU WITH A BEER BELLY?! I'll KILL THEM! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!"** The demonic tanuki ranted more to himself than anyone else, progressively getting louder and louder as he built himself into a murderous frenzy.

"Voices in your head giving you trouble again?" Shikamaru asked curiously, bringing the redhead back to the real world.

"If it was possible, I would very much like to harm a good number of the other biju for being very poor elder siblings." Gaara grunted irritably.

"Not even going to bother asking what that's about." Temari sighed as she swirled her wine in her glass and looked out over the village, leaning against her not-boyfriend. "It's a really good view tonight."

Indeed. With the unusually red sun setting to the side and not a cloud in the sky, the view was rather spectacular for the dinner party. It was a relaxing evening after a day full of politics and paperwork. It was nice to just relax, be with friends and let the gentle wind that was allowed to their dining area to pass over their skin…

All at once their eyes widened as the same thought crossed their minds…

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Haha! Chug! Chug!" Ino cheered as she poured more sake down Choji's throat. Thankfully the teen's large body gave him a massive alcohol tolerance, but it did not unfortunately make him immune from the need to breathe.

"Ino! Calm down!" Sakura laughed, a bit tipsy herself as she leaned against Sasuke and held her drink. "Give the poor boy some space!"

"I've read that if a person tries to get one of their friends of the opposite gender very drunk, it normally means that they are going to try and take advantage of them later." Sai thoughtfully commented with a glass of water in front of him. As a ROOT shinobi, he had been trained to never drink alcohol under any circumstances save for when dealing with clients in social events.

"Sai, you know as well as we do that Ino doesn't need to get Choji drunk in order to take advantage of him." Kin snickered as she downed some rather strong alcohol. She had been drinking the stuff since she had been in Oto since everyone pretty much needed a buzz after seeing one of Orochimaru's experiments. The only things about her habit that had changed since going to Konoha was the amount she could drink (more), the frequency at which she drank (less), and where she stashed her drinks so Lee didn't accidentally get his hands on them.

"It honestly makes me fear for his life when you say things like that." Sasuke smirked with his mask still on. Since it was the middle of spring, the outside tables at the barbecue restaurant they were at were available and gave them a picnic like setting.

Also, since they were in public, Sasuke would not be caught dead without his mask on lest he risk attracting fangirls. Ever since he hit puberty, the mobs had been doubling their efforts to get to him. It was only by covering his facial features and being around Sakura was he able to curb the swarms to manageable levels.

Thank all that was holy that Kakashi taught him how to eat with the mask still up.

The largest teen's coughing drew everyone's attention. "Ino! Please! That's enough!"

The blonde girl giggled as she inspected the bottle in her hands. "A third of a bottle in a single go. Not bad. Not bad at all."

"Ino, I know you're good with curing poisons, but just how good are you with alcohol poisoning?" Sakura half curiously, half worriedly asked. "Downing that much that fast can't be good for him."

"Don't worry forehead." The Yamanaka sighed as she hugged her boyfriend and put a hand on his front and back before making them glow green with medical chakra moments later. "I'm more than good enough to make sure nothing bad happens to my baby…"

"That's one big baby." Sai stated offhandedly.

"And he's all mine." Ino grinned with the slightest hint of a challenge in her voice.

"Don't even try to do the same thing to me Sakura." Sasuke warned knowingly to his pink haired girlfriend. "Trust me. Large amounts of alcohol and Uchiha don't mix." There are reports from back when his family was still around and in charge of the police force as well as ones that were taken from the hospital and documented under clan business. The number of self immolations caused from sloppy drinking and reckless jutsu casting alone was more than enough to humiliate the Uchiha name for months if not years. All the skill in wielding the Sharingan would not help you if your face was covered in sake when spewing a fireball from your mouth.

"Of course I won't." The girl pouted, albeit somewhat too innocently. "I took the hypocritical oath. I'd get in deep if I got someone injured so I could have the excuse to use my medical techniques and run my hands over your very well kept body as much as I wanted…"

"I believe this is what being the third wheel is like." Sai spoke more to himself than anyone else as he watched Sakura begin to kiss Sasuke several times on the cheek since his lips were currently unavailable.

"This is nothing." Kin shrugged. "Try being alone with Lee and Gai-sensei."

"Hey Sasuke, ever get the feeling that when people compliment us on Ino and Sakura, they tend to forget that they're, you know…" Choji asked with a slightly red face.

"Among the most dangerous females on the planet and merely having their hands resting on our bodies is enough to put our lives in horrific amounts of danger?" The Uchiha finished with an amused tone, not at all uncomfortable with his current situation of his life being apparently in horrific amounts of danger with Sakura gently resting her head and hands on his side. "I believe that applies more to me than you my friend. Sakura doesn't absently play with poisonous needles in public."

"You're just jealous cause you lost your chance with me." Ino stuck out her tongue at the raven haired male childishly.

"I'll learn to live with it." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Keyword. Live." Kin giggled.

"She's not bad." Choji admonished. "Ino just gets… overexcited sometimes…"

"I bet that makes your sex life really interesting." Sai added cheerfully before pausing and seeing everyone stare at him warily. "… What? Did I say it too soon?"

"Too bluntly." Sakura corrected with a sigh.

"Speaking of monstrously dangerous girlfriends, how long do you think Naruto's going to last when Hinata gets her hands on him?" Kin asked with an evil grin.

Ino snorted. "Depends. If he's still afraid of "the hunt" and she doesn't snag him on first sight, she might just force him to snuggle for a massive amount of time after tying him down." She hugged Choji tightly. "I like the snuggling."

"The snuggling is indeed awesome." Choji nodded in agreement as he gently rubbed his girlfriend's back affectionately.

"And if she catches him early?" Sai questioned curiously.

Sakura and Sasuke sighed before the former answered. "Then we might have to save Naruto's life and what remains of his innocence."

The blonde in the group looked at the pair incredulously. "You're actually dumb enough to consider getting in between a fully charged Hinata and Naruto on their first meeting in years? The girl is dangerous enough on her normal days for me to not want to spar with her. Remember when she destroyed me, Kin, Shino, Kiba, and Tenten at the same time?"

"I try not to." The black haired girl winced at recalling the event. "I had trouble walking and eating for days after that one."

Sasuke shrugged. "She said _might_ for a reason Ino."

"Point made." The mind reader nodded, conceding the argument at the drop of a hat.

"What about Tenten?" Sai asked. "Isn't she quite dangerous as well?"

Sakura snorted. "That's an understatement. The girl is so dangerous that even without being familiar with a tenth of those weapons she can make she's still a jonin. She doesn't have absurd speed or strength, but her jutsu…" She shivered.

"It's the ones she does know how to use, and can use, that you have to worry about." Sasuke shivered as well. "That red spear that she can make that goes for the heart still gives me nightmares occasionally. It was a mistake to try and watch the thing in action with my Sharingan. My head nearly split trying to figure out what happened."

"Makes you glad that your girlfriend is much simpler and only knows your body inside out better than you do, doesn't it." Sakura innocently cooed with a blush as she, like Ino, snuggled to her boyfriend's chest. She normally didn't act like this, but alcohol does do wonders for inhibitions after all.

"So long as you never play doctor with me." The Uchiha muttered under his breath. His mind had already been mess with horrifically by his brother. He'd like for at least his body and organs to remain unmolested.

Kin burst out laughing as the mental image of Sakura playing evil doctor on her beloved patient appeared, complete with corny music and costumes that would only appear in one of Jiraiya's books. Soon enough the rest of the group was laughing as well.

It was a good night. They were having fun with one another. Nothing serious was happening. The weather was good. The sky was clear. A brief breeze passed through the streets…

They all stopped laughing instantly turned to look towards the east…

o. o. o.

Kiri:

"Zabuza-san…" Haku excitedly spoke up as she looked towards the sea.

"No doubt about it." The large man nodded with an eager grin.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the Land of Fire:

"Is something the matter Lady Hyuga?" The noble who had hired team eight asked as he held out the payment for the recent completed mission. His curiosity not unwarranted as the girl, in addition to her teammates and the dog they had with them had all turned at the same time in a particular direction as if they heard something. It did not escape him that the girl's normally calm and politely pleasant expression slowly stretched into something akin to elated…

o. o. o.

Mt. Myoboku:

Jiraiya chuckled as he meditated on a slab of stone, balancing perfectly on the tip of a stone spire at least a hundred feet above the ground. Save for the pigmentations around his eyes, he looked as human he always did.

o. o. o.

Kumo:

"Bee!" A roared irritably as his adopted brother laughed hysterically from the top of the Raikage's tower. "Shut up and get the hell down from there! You're being more annoying than normal!"

The leader of Kumo and his guard were so preoccupied by the man's antics that they didn't notice Yugito leaning against a pillar nearby, not paying the slightest attention to Bee and instead looking in the same direction he was with a frown on her face…

o. o. o.

Iwa:

Roshi sighed as he sat on top of the Tsuchikage's tower and drank deeply from his stash of sake while looking towards the south.

" **Roshi…"** Goku spoke up cautiously from inside his container.

"Yeah." The Lava user replied in a soft dark tone, swirling the booze in his hand almost absently. "I know."

o. o. o.

Land of Rice Patties:

"Anko." Hana whispered with a hint of excitement into her radio as her comrade sneaked deeper into the abandoned castle that used to be a part of Otogakure.

"Oh yeah." The snake user replied just as softly, but with the underlying eagerness of a child on Christmas Eve.

o. o. o.

Scabbard Oogakari flipped through some spy reports in one of his many hidden offices. He did not blink, frown, or so much as twitch as the faint traces of wind passed by him through the air vents of the building he was in.

"A little earlier than expected, but it is not detrimental to the situation." The man muttered to the empty room.

o. o. o.

All around the shinobi world, people stopped and paused as a single small gust of wind passed them by, no more than a breeze. Many brushed it off as something inconsequential, but a select few knew what the air it brought contained… and what it meant.

They were back.

Akatsuki was coming.

The time available to prepare in safety was officially over.

The games had begun once more.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the middle of the elemental nations:

"Hooh?" Ghost grinned as he turned his head left and right. "Well, there goes our chance to surprise everyone with our return. Quite a number of people felt our arrival."

"A shame, but when one door closes, another opens." The blonde teen smirked as he appeared through the rift in reality before it closed on itself, leaving nothing but air where it once was. Most of his equipment was sealed in scrolls that hung over his waist, but he also held some other unknown materials in a large round bag that was strapped over one shoulder and diagonally across his body.

"True true." The immortal nodded in agreement.

The jinchuriki looked around curiously. They were deep in the woods and there weren't any telling natural landmarks in sight or in his range of sensing that he could use to tell where he was. In the very far off distance he could barely feel the locations of shinobi in general, but once more it was not enough to get his bearings with. "Where are we exactly?"

"Somewhere near Kusa I think." Ghost shrugged. "I aimed for the general middle of the elemental countries. Wasn't really that specific when I set up the jump."

"For a man who supposedly trained himself to be a god killer, you tend to be remarkably lazy about important details at times." The blue eyed teen commented in an almost bewildered tone.

"It's a gift." The immortal brushed off the accusation. "Now onto more important things. Pranking and humiliation. Since we can't just say, "Hi we're back" while popping into someone's house anymore, I believe hiding near a place where people know you would be a good idea. Just sneak around them for a while and make the hairs on the back of their heads stand for a bit. Maybe give them a brief look at you before disappearing, just to mess with their heads… and then when they're freaking themselves out in paranoia… WE SHALL SHIFT EVERYTHING IN THEIR ROOMS, NAY THEIR ENTIRE HOUSES, NINETY DEGREES TO THE LEFT WHILE THEY SLEEP!"

Naruto nodded in complete agreement to his master's pointless, immature, and insane plan while reaching back for one of his scrolls. "Indeed, that is a pretty good idea for a later prank Ero-Nii, however I have a better idea we can use." He grinned savagely and tossed the curious man the scroll. "Check it out."

Ghost raised an eyebrow as he caught the scroll and opened it to see something was sealed inside. "Oh? Well far be it to ignore suggestions. Let's see what you got."

Poof. Boom. Crunch.

In an instant, the man was crushed by several tons worth of fried rice, dumplings, eggdrop soup, and other Chinese dishes.

"Hurgh? Murhwa? MEashrADHIEA?! GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

It should be restated that the man is REALLY traumatized by Chinese food.

Running away as fast as he could, the blonde laughed loudly and maliciously. "Payback's a bitch Ero-Nii! I told you I'd get revenge for the crap you put me through! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Further and further away from his progressively freaking out master the teen ran, alone and for the first time in years alone to do as he pleased. No training. No abnormal time space chaos. No super powered psychos around him, warping his already view of reality even further than it had already been pushed. No working in some military system with the higher ups yelling at him to do one thing or another.

He was free. He was under no one's gaze…

He was running in the opposite direction of Konoha.

You had to hand it to Naruto. As far as opening moves went, this definitely was one that no one expected.

o. o. o.

Omake:

Why Ghost is not the number one assassin in the Multiverse:

"I will get him this time." The immortal swore with his bone wings out and his swords drawn. One could feel the air in the room reverberating with energy stemming from the man, itching for a command to move.

"This again?" Scab sighed. "Must we go through this every year?"

"I will destroy him this year." Ghost growled. "I have learned his system. I am aware of his strengths and weaknesses. I have memorized his patterns. I will not lose this time."

"I'm not supporting this." Waltz sighed as he sat next to Crypt and Shadow, all eating popcorn and waiting for a show. "I'll enjoy it, but I don't support it in the slightest."

"I do." A new voice made itself known from the corner of the room, gaining everyone's attention. From the shadows that shouldn't exist, Old Saint Nick in his blood red suit walked out, massive hairy barrel sized arms crossed over his ripped chest with not a gut to be seen. A wry grin clearly visible through his thick white beard. All in all, he could have passed as Waltz' brother save for the opposite color scheme. "It gives me something to look forward to. No one else can give me a good challenge these days."

"SAAAAANNNNTTTAAAAA." Ghost all but hissed as if he was possessed.

"Same rules as usual then?" The man of the north chuckled innocently. "First one to get their loads delivered to all their locations on their half of the planet first without leaving a single trace for round one. Then for round two we see who can murder the most naughty targets, without leaving a single trace, and for round three …"

"We fight till the last one stands…" The blind man grinned demonically. "Or until one of us slips up and leaves a trace."

The two stared at one another intently for several seconds before they both disappeared without a trace.

Scab rolled his eyes. "You do realize the only reason why Mr. Kringle does this is because Ghost lightens his work load during the holidays."

"Give the guy a break." Shadow chuckled. "He manages an army of elves that not only make the toys he delivers, but also acts as an information network on every bloody person on the planet. They even give you a hard time once in a while."

"Then there's the fact that he can sneak into every house in a single night, and possibly leaves coal, which can easily start a fire if it is powdered, sprayed around the room, and then a spark goes off." Waltz shrugged. "Really he's all but saying that he can kill you and make it look like an accident whenever he wants."

"And to top it all off the world knows what he does, and instead of using their heads and realizing he's taunting everyone, they make a bloody holiday of it and worship his name. For centuries." Shadow concluded.

"Is it really any wonder why Ghost can't stand the fact that he's a better assassin than him?"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Merry. Fucking. Christmas. You bastards.

I will not be updating this often. I am still focusing on FFD, but at least this should calm down everyone who's been asking me for the sequel already.

I had a bit of trouble starting this. I had to switch more than a few mental gears in order to get this down to the level that I liked and the amount of crack that I liked. I find that reading the Bobobo manga helps a lot… which may or may not be a bad thing.

On a side note, for those who get the reference, the events in the fic ECHOES by Kagaseo with the involvement of my characters is completely cannon. Check it out. The grammar is a bit rough at the beginning, but the guy kills off characters and make plot twists on the level of George RR Martin.

As for why this really took so long, blame real life. Grad school finals. Work causing me to stay late. The computer eating up roughly a third of the chapter that I had to rewrite. The list goes on for way longer than I like. If it didn't, I had planned, and would have, made a chapter of FFD to go along with this.

But yeah, once again, FFD takes priority. There's no way I'm diverting my attention from it now of all times.

Gotta finish this up before I go to grandma's for the Christmas dinner. That woman cooks like a pro.

So that's it folks! REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! STOP ASKING ME ABOUT WHEN THE SEQUEL IS COMING OUT FOR FUCKS SAKE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	2. Everyone's a bit of an asshole sometimes. The only exceptions are the people that are bound to snap and go on a killing spree at some point.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter One: Everyone's a bit of an asshole sometimes. The only exceptions are the people that are bound to snap and go on a killing spree at some point.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

A bar in Konoha:

"Well, put your bets up people." Azuma sighed as he drank some hard whisky. It was foreign and expensive, but he needed something to take the edge off at the moment. "How long do you think before we get our first of many world defining S ranks?"

"Stop being such a pessimist." Kurenai chided her fiancée from his side. "Just because you think that Naruto-kun and Ghost are back doesn't mean…"

"A week." Kakashi interrupted the woman casually without taking his eye off his latest book. "Two tops."

"Kakashi!" The Genjutsu user snapped.

"Mm. Sounds about right." Gai nodded from the cyclops' other side. "I will have to stick to light training for the time in order to ensure that I am in PEAK YOUTHFUL CONDITION!"

A half empty bottle shattered itself against his head… or rather his hair. "Shut up already! For the last time we don't care about your youth you middle aged mid life crisis nut!"

"Sit down Gai. You don't want the owner to chase you out of here again." Kakashi sighed, clearly not surprised by the recent turn of events.

"And stick to extra light training." Kurenai added. "Your "light" training is enough to exhaust most jonin and… wait what am I saying? We're not getting a suicide mission in two weeks guys."

"Oh ye of little faith." Azuma chuckled, taking another drink. "Ok then. Different wager. How long will it take for one of the two to screw something up big time?"

"Azuma!" The illusionist chided.

"Not even worth considering. They've probably done something so absurd that we're better off not knowing already." Kakshi shook his head condescendingly.

Gai frowned. "Come now. I know that Naruto-kun and Ghost-san are rather energetic, but they certainly are not that bad."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the middle of the elemental nations:

Ghost limped slowly towards Itachi and Kisame, who had oddly enough been walking on the same road in the opposite direction. The haunted man was in horrible shape with his clothes and body covered in scratches, blood, bruises, and several horrifically smelling fluids that no one wanted to try to identify.

"Hey Itachi." Kisame blinked. "Does that guy look familiar to you?"

"Clean… me…" The immortal whispered to them in a possessed voice.

"… What?" The shark man blanched.

"Clean... me…" The blind man repeated, continuing to stagger unevenly towards the S ranked criminals.

"He's delirious. Not even worth killing." Itachi stated calmly. "Come Kisame. We have to-"

"Clean… me… or… I… will… hug… you." Ghost continued, causing both men to stop in their tracks.

"… Is it me, or was that honestly one of the more terrifying threats that you've heard in your life?" Kisame turned to his partner.

Itachi merely responded by jumping over the man and continuing to walk on forward, soon followed by his partner.

Five minutes later around a hill of boulders he had reappeared, seemingly even more deranged looking with a new large branch caught in his hair and clothes.

"The smell… will not leave… for weeks. It will haunt you… like it has me…"

Despite Itachi's and Kisame's best efforts, they would not be able to shake the man until Kisame blew him up with one of his water shark ninjutsu in a fit of rage.

The two criminals made a silent agreement that they would never speak of the incident again.

o. o. o.

"You're overreacting." Kurenai snorted as she drank a bit deeper from her glass of wine than she probably assumed.

"I wouldn't be too sure." Kakashi mused. "Naruto does have that habit of naturally making his missions more difficult than they normally are just by being there."

"Not you too Kakashi." Gai chided. "Where is your faith in your student?"

"In his loyalty, quick thinking, and his fighting abilities." The Cyclops replied without hesitation. "His luck on the other hand is something else completely."

"I'm with Gai on this Kakashi." Kurenai nodded. "Naruto's a bit… eccentric, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's on top of things."

o. o. o.

With Naruto on top of some nameless mountain range:

"WHERE AM I?!"

o. o. o.

"I guess you're right." The silver haired man relented. "After all the crap he's been through, there's no way he'd let himself be caught off guard for something too obvious by now."

"Well regardless of that, I just hope they get back soon." Asuma drawled. "It'll be a bit noisier here, but at least we'll know where they are. Plus the kids would be eager to see Naruto again."

Kurenai smiled. "Hinata more than anyone. That girl's got it bad."

"Gotta be careful with that one." Kakashi noted. "She's perfectly behaved and polite when it comes to most things, but I pity anyone that stands between her and Naruto when he finally gets back."

"Hundred ryo says that at least two Oogakari try to tape it when it happens." Asuma grinned.

"Bump it up to five hundred. You get three or more and I get two or less and we have a deal." Kakashi negotiated without hesitation.

"Done." The smoker nodded before shaking the pervert's hand officially.

"Men." Kurenai groaned.

"Speaking of destructive events, I hear that your team's out on another mission Gai." Kakashi mused, turning a page. "Who is it this time?"

The taijusu expert smirked knowingly. "You know that I cannot divulge such information my rival. No doubt you are jealous of my team's reputation and mission record together, but even so…"

"Hm?" The Copycat blinked and looked up. "I'm sorry. I spaced out again and the words "three for three" blocked out everything you just said."

Gai slammed his hands on the table in rage. "Damn it Kakashi that was three years ago! Things are different and you know it!"

"It still gets to him." Kurenai shook her head shamefully.

"Yep." Asuma chuckled. "Hard to imagine that all that mess happened only three years ago."

"Hard to imagine that they're all so strong you mean." His fiancé corrected. "A good number of them are stronger than me and you."

"I consider it a good thing." The smoker shrugged. "They're on our side and they listen to us. They'll live longer and we get the credit for getting them that far. That's a win win in my book."

"Speaking of your lack of progress, are we still sparring later today?" Kakashi lazily glanced at the other two Jonin while ignoring the still ranting Gai.

Azuma rolled his eyes. "You know better than to underestimate my ninjutsu after what happened last month."

"And need I remind you of what happened the last time you underestimated my illusions." Kurenai playfully growled. "Despite what people assume, there are PLENTY of genjutsu that the Sharingan can't cancel out."

Suppressing a warranted shiver, the silver haired man simply eye smiled. "Touchy. I was just joking."

"Yeah. Joking. At least your head hasn't gotten any bigger since you were announced to be a Hokage candidate should anything happen to Tsunade." The smoker drolled before drinking some more booze.

Kakashi shrugged. "Well I couldn't see your father taking the hat again. The poor man's more than earned his retirement."

"Here here." Gai nodded before downing some standard sake. "Some even say he's done more for the village than Shodaime-sama himself." Waterfalls of tears fell down his face. "It was because of him that I was able to get my beloved Lee into the ninja system. I'm so grateful."

"Yes yes we're all grateful. Lee's a wonderful shinobi that everyone is proud of." Azuma placated the man before he became even more emotional.

"Speaking of our students, I think that there's a chance that they might refuse to go on missions out of the village for a while." Kurenai smirked. "After all, Konoha is going to be the first place Naruto will go to now. They'll all want to see their friend after he's been gone for so long."

"And fight him." Kakashi added. "Don't even try to pretend that's not the case. Naruto's always been the one to beat among that generation. When they train, he's the one they see in front of them at all times. Sasuke and Sakura have not made it a secret that they want to see how well they measure up to him when he finally gets back."

"Hate to see where they choose to test that bout out." Azuma shivered. "It's going to be an expensive spar, that's for sure."

"We'll manage. The village has been getting plenty of business recently." Kurenai shrugged. "In fact, aren't the Chunin exams being hosted here soon?"

o. o. o.

With Naruto:

"I'm beginning to suspect that running off in a random direction was not the smartest thing to do." The teen mused thoughtfully as he sat down on a random tree branch.

" **Your logical skills are something to behold."** Kyubi muttered sarcastically from within his container. **"Truly you are an ideal example of your species."**

"Hey I kicked your ass didn't I?" The blonde snorted out loud as he continued to expand his senses. "At full strength I might add."

" **Congratulations. You're the fourth human to be able to do so. Unfortunately you need to be in the first three to get a prize. My condolences."**

"I noticed that you didn't count Ero-ni or his family in that list." Naruto observed.

" **Since when do any of us consider those freaks human?"**

"Point taken." The human nodded understandingly before pausing as he detected something. "Hello. I got someone nearby. Finally. They can point me in the direction of the nearest town. I'm starving."

" **I'd ignore him if I were you. Knowing your luck it's probably a member of Akastuki."**

" _Kurama! Stop being such a pessimist!"_ Kushina snapped at the fox. _"Just because my son happens to occasionally be at the wrong place at the wrong time on occasion doesn't mean that this will be the same."_

"Mom's right." Naruto nodded as he ran through the woods with surprising fluidity and speed, barely making any sound or impact during his traveling. "You should really be more optimistic Kurama."

Three seconds later, Naruto landed in front of a man walking slowly through the woods, wearing a hooded black coat that covered his entire body. His skin was pale, but smooth, and his glasses were very much visible underneath the hood as was some of his silver grey hair…

"… Naruto-kun." Kabuto blinked in surprise. "This is… most unexpected."

" **If you don't mind, I will now interpret any and all silence from all of you as your way of apologizing."**

"…"

"…"

"Gurrrrgle."

Kabuto blinked at a loss as the blonde boy in front of him began to cry and held his stomach. "I take it you haven't eaten recently."

"Fooooood." Naruto moaned childishly.

The spy smiled pleasantly, already recovered from his initial surprise thanks to his years of practice thinking on the spot. "You do know that I tried to kill you in your sleep during the chunin exams don't you?"

"I fail to see how that makes you special or unique in the slightest."

The elder male blinked. He had never seen someone react like that to that line before. "… And that worked for Orochimaru-sama and tried to kidnap Sasuke-kun during the invasion, right?"

"And I killed a good number of your forces, killed that six armed guy, and knew about the invasion at least half a year in advance." The jinchuriki replied without changing his childish persona. "But that happened YEARS ago! Tell me you know of a village or restaurant or SOME place that has food nearby man! I'm starving!"

Kabuto faltered at the teen's revelation of seemingly restricted information. "… Well then… that certainly explains a lot. Likewise, it is pleasant to come across someone that doesn't hold petty grudges."

"Food takes priority. I've been living off of nothing but herbs and cardboard ration bars for three months. Also, like I said, we screwed each other equally. It's pointless to pretend that I was the only one wronged." Naruto pouted.

"A humbling experience I'm sure." The spy nodded. "But that does not mean that I am willing to aid you. What makes you think that I won't attack and kidnap or kill you now while you're weak?"

"Because you're interested in what I'll do when things get off the ground. Because you know Akatsuki and Konoha will be all over your ass if you kill me. Because I still have some mysterious role in the grand scheme of things. And because I probably fascinate you for some reason." The jinchuriki deadpanned, as if what he just said was the most obvious thing in the world.

The right hand to Orochimaru blinked, clearly surprised by the teen's answer before laughing. "Haha. You're right. Impressively so. It's almost as if you've known me for far longer than the few conversations we've had."

"You're a secretive spy type. You keep close to yourself, but despite that, you tend to be interested in those that will be the most influential in future major events." The jinchuriki added. "It's kinda easy to predict how you think to that degree at least. I have no idea on what drives you though."

Kabuto once again found himself for a loss of words. "I… see. I didn't know that those of my status were so easy to peg to that degree. I'll have to do something about that."

"Do it later. Food now!" The blonde snapped.

"Gurrrrgle."

"See! Even Mr. Tummy is getting annoyed with all the talking!"

Finally getting used to Naruto's erratic personality, the loner sighed in defeat. "Fine. If you are that hungry, there is a village a few miles from here. It probably doesn't have anything impressive, but it acts as a rest stop for travelers so there should be a shop or two." He began to walk past the teen. "You are fortunate I'm not in any rush. The only reason why I'm here was because I came to inspe-"

That was as far as the scientist got before he got to his closest to Naruto and instantly froze.

Power.

So much power was leaking out of the blonde it was ludicrous. How he had not noticed it before was beyond him as he attempted to regain control over his body from the shock. In continuous and relentless waves the chakra flew out and into the air without halting or hesitation, setting off Kabuto's senses like fireworks and nearly blinding him with the sudden exposure.

More terrifying was the fact that the teen seemed to be discharging this power on mere reflex, as if he didn't even notice the fact that the amount of chakra he was emitting would kill your standard jonin in two minutes tops.

Monster.

That was the closest thing Kabuto could use to describe Naruto Uzumaki at that moment. No wonder the boy had not flinched or reacted to his previous threat. To emit so much chakra and not show any signs of exertion or stress was beyond rational.

One could only imagine how absurd his levels were when he fought with all his strength… no… how large they could be when he used his Biju's strength. It would without a doubt be best to not anger this one. At least for now…

Upon regaining more of his senses, Kabuto realized that Naruto was probably the reason why he was in the area in the first place. His instruments had detected a sudden large mass of natural energy that had been moving around lately, and he had left to where he predicted they would go next.

Naruto was the mysterious source of power. All the chakra that leaked out of his body was merging and enhancing the natural energy in the air, spreading out and setting off his detectors.

This must have been the seventh sense technique he had heard about in passing. A technique that supposedly is only capable of being performed by the utmost skilled and powerful wind ninjutsu users. If it was… then he would not be surprised if the rumors about Naruto being the wind equivalent of Tobirama Senju were more than just speculation, especially if the teen had been using it since before the chunin exams.

Deep down he knew that Akatsuki was going to have a far more difficult time getting their hands on the missing jinchuriki than they originally thought.

"Oi. You ok?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, clearly not deciphering what the other male's reaction was all about. "You're not going to go crazy on me are you? I'd like to talk to someone that's a little closer to sane than what I've been dealing with lately."

The hooded male blinked back to reality and turned to Naruto skeptically, slowly distancing himself in the process and feeling the oppressive wind chakra turn into natural energy after a very short distance, much to his relief. "You do realize that as a person who worked closely with Orochimaru-sama, I am not exactly a textbook definition of sane."

"Do you rant about ridiculous and nonsensical things such as cat to toaster ratios?"

"What?"

"You're saner than what I've been dealing with lately." The blonde stated with finality before pointing to the distance randomly. "Now let us eat for Mr. Tummy demands it!"

"Gurrgle."

Kabuto couldn't help but look down at the jinchuriki as if he really was a child. His playful immature behavior was getting quite tiring rather fast. At the very least, if he kept on talking to the blonde he would most likely be able to find out something interesting. He WAS a spy after all. Information was his bread and butter. "Come on then. We'll get something to eat and then we'll be off in our own directions."

Half an hour later the pair had managed to find themselves in a small stand at a table with menus in front of them.

"See anything good?" The jinchuriki asked curiously without looking up.

"Surprisingly enough yes. I see some smoked mackerel." The spy admitted, silently urging a snake to slither under the table and towards his new temporary travel partner, if anything to see if he could detect it. "So I am curious, where have you been these past few years? As far as anyone knows, you just dropped off the face of the planet."

The blonde snorted. "You're not that far off. Trust me, you wouldn't believe it even if I told you." He clicked his teeth irritably. "Damn. They don't have ramen here."

"I'll take your word for it." Kabuto relented. If he pushed there was a chance he would get less information later on. "Could you at least tell me how you managed to land yourself in the middle of the elemental nations so suddenly? From the way my devices were set off, it was almost as if you just teleported back."

Naruto chuckled. "The fourth wasn't the only one that knew how to abuse timespace ninjutsu. Granted I suck at it, but I still knew a few people that were quite good at it."

"You are referring to your father." The other male corrected, allowing a smirk to pass his lips as his snake detected a slight twitch in the teen's legs. "Don't be so surprised. Surely you know that Tsunade-sama announced it to everyone shortly after you left. Your encounter with the Gobi left many tremors in the political world. In fact, it might be a bit dangerous for you to walk around as yourself around these parts. We are in Iwa territory after all."

The jinchuriki merely responded by lowering his menu and revealing his face to Kabuto, showing that his hair had turned black and his whiskers had disappeared when he wasn't paying attention. "Thanks for the warning, but I think I have it covered."

The spy's eyes narrowed curiously. _"That's not a transformation… a genjutsu? I didn't even notice him use it. But with his reserves, even something as subtle as this should be impossible for him to do."_ "Of course if people overhear our conversation, your appearance will be worth next to nothing…"

He was interrupted as the blonde suddenly slammed a hand down on his table hard, making a loud bang and putting Kabuto on guard. His reaction was unwarranted though as the teen simply retracted his hand and pointed to the other customers and people in the building. All of them had not reacted to the sudden loud noise in the slightest.

" _He set up sound suppressing genjutsu as well without me noticing. We can hear them but they can't hear us. He's better than I thought."_ "You enjoy showing off don't you?"

"The way I see it, there are two kinds of shinobi that truly excel right now. The ones that are visible, and the ones that aren't. If you expect to live being visible and heaven forbid famous, you better have the power, the moves, and the fifty thousand skills that no one knows about to back it up." The son of the yellow flash shrugged casually.

"Sound logic." Kabuto nodded in agreement. "And what dare I ask is needed for someone like myself, who wishes to stay unknown?"

"Easy, the ability to know when to back off and not get too close."

That was as much a sign as any for the spy to withdraw the snake from under the table.

"Speaking of people you know, where is your master? Ghost I believe was his name. I thought you were travelling with him during these past few years."

Naruto turned a page. "Oh I was up until a couple of days ago. I finally saw my chance to get away from the bastard and took it. Right now I'm free as a bird and living it up to its fullest… which unfortunately includes me getting lost in the middle of nowhere."

"True freedom enables both good and bad opportunities." Kabuto sagely commented.

"I think I read that in a fortune cookie once." Naruto mumbled to himself. "So who are you working for these days? Orochimaru's dead and I don't see you settling for some two bit organization or one of the major villages. You don't really pass as a careless type."

"My pulse and breathing are no doubt proof of that." The introvert wittedly observed. "As much as it would surprise you, I am self employed at the moment, and working on personal projects. With all the resources I managed to scrounge from Orochimaru-sama's various bases, I have found that I am in little need of monetary funds."

"Bet you could host some insane Halloween parties at those bases if you cleaned some of them up right." The blonde chuckled before realizing that Kabuto was looking at him funny and remembering that the holiday didn't exist in this world. "Er. Sorry. Just talking about a foreign culture I came across in my travels."

"No, it's quite all right." Kabuto waved the apology aside. "I know just how hard it is to adapt to different cultures frequently after living in another one for so long. You don't get as good as I am when it comes to espionage unless you've successfully infiltrated and lasted a good six months each in at least four different countries."

Naruto whistled impressed. "Wow. That's impressive. And here I thought your major selling points were just your silver tongue and your insane if not sadistic medical skills."

The spy smirked. "Well then if that's all then I've been doing a better job than I thought."

"Excuse me. Are you two ready to order?" A young waitress in a kimono asked politely as she walked up to their table. Apparently there was a space just outside the table where the genjutsu wasn't effective so that said waitress could talk to them without suspecting anything.

"I'll have the smoked mackerel if you please. Just water."

"The grilled pork for me. I'll have water as well."

"Thank you very much." The girl nodded before taking the menus. "I'll have your meals shortly."

"So what's been going on lately anyway Spy-san?" Naruto asked curiously with an amused grin. "Surely you know all the juicy gossip that's known and not known these days."

Said spy irritably leered at the teen. "I have you know that I do not dabble with simple gossip Naruto-kun, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't call my resources as such."

"Touchy much?"

"I have been in the information business for quite some time Naruto-kun. I'd at least like to have it respected when dealing in it."

"Fine. Fine. My mistake." The blonde surrendered with his hands up in mock defeat.

Kabuto leered at Naruto skeptically before sighing. "No. You know next to nothing about me. I should not blame you for things you don't know." He leaned back in his seat. "So what would you like to know? There has been much going on since you left your dear home."

"Eh. Let's start with the basics and work our way from there. Did anyone important die and are there any wars going on at the moment?" Naruto let his hands down.

"Important deaths? Well there have been a large number of Daimyo and Missing Nin that have been taken out recently, but none of the ones I believe you are interested in. In retrospect, many of the rulers mentioned have been known to be rather inept or rather corrupt. Actually Wind Country's Daimyo was almost among that list as well, but he was rescued by the Kazekage's sister at the last moment. I believe you know her? Temari of the Desert?"

"Heh. So Gaara became Kazekage? I'm not surprised in the slightest. I gotta get him something as a congratulations gift. Better late than never." The blonde smirked and shook his head. "And about the wars?"

Kabuto remained quiet as he took in the teen's reaction. It was almost as if he had expected the redhead to get the hat by the time he returned. "Well, there are still quite a few minor conflicts between the lesser countries, which is expected especially with many of their lords being picked off, however the one to make note of is of course between Iwa and Konoha. Your encounter with Han caused more than just some ripples in a few ponds Naruto-kun."

"Ugh. Don't remind me. That mission set the high bar on how messed up one can get. Literally." The jinchuriki moaned. "When I left they were talking about sending me on missions that already went wrong so I'm not able to jinx the normal missions anymore."

The spy couldn't help but chuckle at that comment. "That's a bit of a stretch isn't it?"

The blonde looked at him with a calm and serious expression. "You're the information specialist. Have a look at my mission history and you tell me what you see."

Kabuto had to suppress a shiver going down his spine. "I-I'll keep that in mind."

Sighing, Naruto leaned back in his seat and slumped. "So what's the story about Iwa right now? I knew they were going to act all childish about the event and my identity being revealed, but I don't know how its turned out since I got back."

"Hmm. Well then let me inform you of what I know. War has not been officially declared, but tension is rather high between Konoha and Iwa. The Sandaime Tsuchikage is still in control and trying to reign in his people, however there is discontent on how he's handling the situation. In fact rumor has it that the village is close to a civil war between those who desire a more assertive approach to international relations and those who simply want to let bygones be bygones. Many of the former are calling for your head, whether it be due to your father's deeds in the third war, or due to you publically embarrassing them by beating their jinchuriki where everyone knows it."

"Yes. Because I totally planned to be assaulted by thirty something missing nin and a jinchuriki while in command of a chunin and six genin." Naruto rolled his slit eyes sarcastically. "Honestly? Our education system sucks something terrible. We're taught to fight and kill and history and poisons and healing and formations and signals and all that stuff, but we don't have a single class for beating humility into others and teaching people how to shut up on their own. It's like the Jonin-sensei are supposed to do the jobs of normal teachers and parents when it comes to a young shinobi's education. I mean we have genin in their forties who still have decision making skills of academy students! And civilians are supposed to believe that THESE guys are going to protect them? Scratch that, we are actually trusting explosives and deadly ninjutsu to these morons? No wonder we have so many wars."

Kabuto couldn't help but smile genuinely at the blonde. His respect for him had gone up tremendously with that rant. "You do have a valid point, and I completely agree, but then again the villages do need the manpower to perform all the missions we undergo. Beggars can't be choosers after all."

"When I become Hokage, I swear the first thing I'm gonna do is have everyone go under a psych exam. Better yet, I'll make a psych branch of shinobi run by retired Yamanaka so that I get a better idea of whose reliable and who needs to go back to school. Wait for a few years for it to take effect. Then I'll show it to all the other villages and point out to them how dumb their own mass forces are. With the distinct reduction of stupid in the world, the distance between wars should increase dramatically."

"I must say, that does sound like one of the more interesting and creative ways I've heard to spread peace recently." The spy chuckled. "And it addresses something that I've found rather irritating as well. We intellects do get rather agitated by the simplicity of the masses every now and then after all. Do try not to make them too smart though. It would be counterproductive if everyone started to believe that they were smart enough to lead a country."

"Hey. I'm just trying to make people less stupid. Trying to them actually smart is another thing completely." The blonde brushed aside the warning easily before looking a bit tired. "So Iwa's pretty much a powder keg huh? Gotta hand it to old man Onoki for being able to keep it together for this long, even if Iwa's reputation is pretty shitty."

"It depends who you ask." Kabuto shrugged. "In all honesty, they are more reliable and willing than the other nations when it comes to high risk missions... although that might simply just be their desperation showing." His eyes looked up curiously. "They do after all employ Akatsuki for a good deal of missions after all."

Naruto blinked in surprise before sighing dejectedly. "I should have guessed that at least one of the major countries hired them for something. There's no way that they would pass up the chance to get inside info and money at the same time." He paused and leered at Kabuto warily. "Speaking of Akatsuki…"

"If you are asking if any of the members have changed from your encounters with them, no. Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi, Sasori and Deidara are still alive, well, and doing missions for the highest bidder." The spy replied neutrally.

"And the other three mystery members?" The blonde raised an eyebrow.

Kabuto frowned. "How did… no, apparently Jiraiya-sama's information network is more detailed than I assumed. They are still active. One of them is the leader and is running things behind the scenes."

Naruto sighed and propped his head up with hand. "Mysterious organization. Hidden agenda. Secret boss hiding behind the scenes. This is playing out like some kind of comic. Be honest with me Kabuto. What are the odds that there's some hidden "true" leader behind this secret boss of Akatsuki? Because to be perfectly honest, with my luck I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case… twice over at least."

The silver haired spy remained impassive and silent, as if he was attempting to figure out what the right thing to say was.

"Log damn it." The blonde wept, taking Kabuto's silence as confirmation. "Whoever's in charge is probably obsessed with some take over the world scheme too. I hoped I'd at least have some final battle with a guy that didn't have his head up his ass. At least Orochimaru did what he did because it was simply something he wanted. The man had selfish goals and was twisted as hell yeah, but at least he was honest with them and didn't try to back them up with some half assed logic."

"An interesting way of seeing things. Not entirely agreeable to me, but I'll let it pass for now." Kabuto frowned momentarily before his eyes looked to the side.

"Thank you for waiting." The waitress smiled as she came with their food and drinks before walking away again.

She didn't make it halfway across the room before Naruto had taken his first bite of meat.

"Mmm. Good stuff." The blonde smiled happily. "They use some interesting spices here."

"Gurgle."

"Mr. Tummy approves as well."

Shaking his head at the teen's lackluster table manners, Kabuto decided to humor his companion and eat as well. "It is quite good." He agreed. He had honestly had better, but all in all the fish wasn't that bad. "They overdid the salt though."

The pair had silently ate for several more minutes before the blonde had momentarily paused and looked at the exit for a moment before turning back to his meal.

"Something the matter?" The spy asked curiously.

Naruto remained quiet for a few moments before putting on a sly and wicked grin. "Hey. You wanna play a game while we eat?"

"I consider it poor table manners to do such a thing, but I will humor you none the less." Kabuto warily raised an eyebrow. "What do you have in mind?"

Suddenly a large amount of screaming was heard from the village outside and many people ran by the stand. "The bandits are attacking again!" Some nameless villager shouted. "Everyone get inside!"

"Ah." The spy relented, not caring for the cries of fear and pain that reached his ears. He had heard far worse during his employment to Orochimaru. "I can see where this is going."

"One to take out the least bandits foots the bill?" Naruto grinned, not paying attention as the other people in the restaurant began to run away and go back home.

"I hardly find that fair considering how many clones you can make." Kabuto deadpanned, clearly not amused by the odds.

"Fine. Rules are, we stay here, I can't use clones, minimum property damage, and no killing." The teen sighed, as if doing the other male a favor.

"No killing? You just took half the fun away." The other contestant hungrily grinned.

"Gotta make this challenging somehow, don't I?" The blonde matched the spy's expression with one of his own.

"Hm. I suppose." Kabuto relented as he picked up another piece of fish just as Naruto picked another bit of pork. The two stared at one another with dangerous glints in their eyes, both silently agreeing to one another the terms of the contest.

The moment the pair bit into their food again, a new set of screams echoed throughout the small village…

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"WE HAVE THE DEMOOOOOON!" A young male voice shouted in triumph in the woods. "And it's ATTACKING MY FAAAAAAACE!"

"Could he have said that any louder?" A more subdued and congested boy's voice moaned in pain from a short distance away.

"Don't tempt him." A young female voice grumbled tiredly.

"At least we have the target." A second and more assertive girl sighed.

In a clearing nearby, four fresh genin gathered together, one of them currently getting mauled by a very large tabby cat. "HANABI-CHAN! HELP!"

Rolling her eyes, the younger daughter of Hiashi Hyuga ran forward and with a few precise strikes managed to paralyze the rampaging beast and stop its rampage of terror on her teammate's head. "And you're supposed to be our fearless leader?" She raised an eyebrow as her friend collapsed onto the ground holding his face in pain.

"The claws. The fur. They were… everywhere." The grandson of the third Hokage shivered while trying to hold back tears.

"We told you to wait for us Konohamaru-kun." Moegi pouted as she took out a first aid kit and began to treat him. "Udon could have trapped Tora without anyone getting scratched. What were you thinking?"

"Knowing him? He wasn't." Hanabi smirked as she picked up the paralyzed cat and began to pet it mockingly.

"You're both evil." The little monkey grumbled sullenly. "You and the cat. You're made for one another."

Moegi failed to hide a smirk as she treated the scratches.

Hanabi's eyebrow twitched. "Just for that I'm not helping you the next time."

"Stingy." The clueless boy grumbled in a huff.

"It's times like this that I'm glad I'm not in a major family." Udon sighed to himself.

"Team! I assume that you have the de… I mean the target." Ebisu asked in an authoritative tone as he landed in front of the group.

"More or less Sensei." Moegi replied while still treating Konohamaru.

"Devil Cat." Said casualty of war hissed.

"Child." Hanabi rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Well. Let us be off then." Ebisu coughed sheepishly. "The faster we hand in Tora, the sooner we can get back to training."

"Just let me clean this last bit up." Moegi added as she swiped the cleaning pad against Konohamaru's face gently. "Honestly Konohamaru-kun. You're not Naruto-nii-san. You can't heal like he can."

"If Naruto-nii can do it I can too! I will not let him beat me!" The Hokage hopeful argued stubbornly as he got back up.

"Idiot." Hanabi frowned. "Do you think Uzumaki-san would be happy if you did nothing but copy him? Even I know that he would want you to find your own way to be strong."

Everyone blinked momentarily before Konohamaru smacked himself his forhead. "Damn it! I hate it when you're right like this Hanabi-chan. Why are you always right!?"

"Because I'm the best." The Hyuuga smirked confidently.

"Oh?" A new and more mature female voice mused from behind the girl, causing her to stiffen instantly in fear. "Is that right? I'm surprised that you improved so much while I was gone Hanabi-chan."

"N-Nee-sama." The girl shakily turned around to see her elder sister smiling innocently behind her. "I didn't know you were back."

"Ah! It's Hinata-sama!" Udon backed up warily.

"Hinata-sama!" Moegi squealed with joy.

"Hey! It's boss' girlfriend!" Konohamaru grinned.

"Hinata-sama." Ebisu bowed politely, trying hard not to show his surprise that the teen managed to sneak up on him without his knowing.

"Honestly. I keep telling you all to just call me Hinata-san or Hinata. We aren't strangers are we?" The Princess pouted childishly, though none of the others there bought it.

"Be that as it may, proper manners dictates that we must call you as such." Ebisu reluctantly disagreed while adjusting his glasses, a habit he had whenever he was nervous. "I take it your mission went well."

Hinata nodded. "Yes. There were a few minor bumps, but nothing that Kiba-kun, Shino-kun and I couldn't handle." She paused and looked at them all curiously. "By any chance, did anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

The genin and their teacher looked at one another curiously before they all shrugged. "Other than us getting a bit stronger and learning a few new techniques and maneuvers, nothing really special has happened." Udon sniffed.

"Uncle Azuma and the old geezer have been going out on a few more "secret" meetings lately, but really I just think they're peeping again because they always come back smelling like booze, smoke, and they keep on joking about Kurenai-sensei." Konohamaru noted.

The others there wisely didn't make any comment about that.

"I think some of the local guard is moving more frequently than normal." Moegi added. "… I think."

"If anything important was needed to be known, you would have been told already Hinata-sama." Ebisu stated. "You are after all a Jonin. There is little confidential information that you don't have access to given your status."

"Is something wrong Nee-sama?" Hanabi asked curiously, noting her sister's downtrodden expression. "You look disappointed."

"No. It's nothing important Hanabi-chan." Hinata sighed and shook her head. "I just got my hopes up for nothing." She turned to confused teacher. "Enough about me. How are you doing Ebisu-san? I hope that having a team of four isn't too much."

The tutor snorted and shifted his glasses again. "Please Hinata-sama, give me some credit. Teaching is what I am best at. While it is unusual for four man teams to exist, it is not unheard of, and the team here happens to have a great deal of potential, especially when they work together."

The kids there all blushed and looked away embarrassed by the praise.

Hinata smiled sincerely. "That's a relief. I was a bit worried when I saw that the team was set up this way by Iruka-sensei due to the number of students in the class graduating, but now I see that it was all for nothing." She bowed to Ebisu. "I have to leave now. I leave my adorable sister in your hands. Farewell."

In a brief flash of dull blue light, the young woman disappeared without a trace.

"I've said it once, I'll say it again. Your sister is scary Hanabi-chan." Konohamaru shivered.

"She's so strong." Moegi sighed in awe. "A jonin at such a young age, and yet she's so pretty and nice."

I heard that she's already considered one of the strongest kunoichi in the village." Udon sniffed. "People are also saying that she's been getting a lot of marriage proposals lately from actors and royalty, but she keeps on turning them all down."

"Yeah… she is pretty amazing isn't she?" Hanabi smiled almost as if she was stuck between deciding to do it or not. "My big strong sister. Hard to believe that four years ago I was beating her constantly isn't it?"

o. o. o.

Back with Naruto:

"I should have been more specific when I said no killing." The blonde sighed in depression as he and Kabuto left the small town after paying the bill.

"If you had a problem with me permanently crippling my targets, you should have said so sooner." The spy chuckled innocently in a good mood despite losing the bet.

"You crushed at least seven of the bandit's spines with giant snakes and bit off the legs of twelve others." The blonde stated in a dead tone.

"Don't be such a poor winner. You took out twice as many bandits as I did, and I as the loser paid for lunch as we agreed. Considering you somehow made a good number of them fly headfirst into walls doesn't make you any more innocent than I." Kabuto continued still in a good mood. "I believe that the townsfolk were talking about the place being guarded by some vengeful snake spirit when we were leaving the building. They don't even know that we were involved in the "divine retribution.""

"Paid my ass. You used your snakes to loot the bodies of the ones you crippled to pay for it." Naruto deadpanned. "Don't think I didn't notice."

"To the winner go the spoils." Kabuto continued to chuckle in good humor. "I must admit though, whatever technique you were using to dispatch the bandits with was quite impressive. The fact that you seemed to be aware of everything around you without looking almost made it seem like you had the Byakugan."

"Trust me. It's harder than it looks." The other male groaned. "Handling all that info at once is a pain. There's a reason why you often see Hyuuga meditating a lot to train. Trying to see something as small and specific as Tenketsu, while still paying attention to everything else you can see in a 360 degree range vision hurts me just thinking about it. Thank all that is holy I don't have one."

The spy laughed even harder. "Hmhm. Quite ironic isn't it then that you gave Neji-kun your eye then three years ago." He inspected the boy's two eyes curiously. "I assume that your regenerative abilities can be attributed to the Kyubi."

The teen shrugged. "That and me being an Uzumaki. Being a jinchuriki already gave me a strong regeneration factor. Being an Uzumaki just made it better to the point that I was able to regrow my eye back."

The scientist's eyes flashed with curiosity. "So it IS true then. With your blonde hair I had thought that you were merely given the last name as a way to honor an old ally and to hide your identity."

Naruto frowned. "Oh no you don't. I know exactly what's going through your head Kabuto. No. I am not volunteering for any experiments. I'm already going to have to deal with Scab doing the same thing when I get back to Konoha. Get your experimenting jollies off on someone else."

Kabuto frowned before sighing in defeat. "Hah. Oh well. Can't blame me for trying." He looked up. "Color me curious, but what do you intend to do? I hardly believe that you'd be willing to stay with me for much longer, despite how well we seem to get along…"

"Who are you kidding? We'd be trying to take each other out for the sport of it by the end of the week." The blonde snickered. "Odds are likely that we'll end up on opposite sides of some major conflict sooner or later."

"And it would look rather bad for the both of us if you were seen spending time with a missing nin when you should be back home in Konoha." The spy continued, neither acknowledging nor denying Naruto's statements. "Especially with Akatsuki on the move again."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah. I can see the headlines now. Konoha royalty eating a sandwich with crazed scientist, details on page… wait what was that about Akatsuki?"

"They've already captured the Rokubi." Kabuto stated calmly as he adjusted his glasses. "And my sources tell me that as soon as they seal it they will go after another jinchuriki. Given how long it has been since I was told this, I believe that they are already on their way to get it now."

The Kyubi's container let out a dry snort. "Leave it to you Kabuto to know things no one else does. I would put you on my payroll when I become Hokage, but you don't seem like the type to stick to any single employer for long."

"Even Orochimaru-sama had trouble telling where my loyalties lay on occasion." The medic smirked, denying nothing.

"So then." Naruto asked in a seemingly casual tone with his body relaxed. "Is there any chance that you know which jinchuriki in particular they are going to go after now?"

"Hmmm." Kabuto mused as if thinking it over. "Well I could give you some more details, but what sort of information broker would I be if I told you this without some sort of recompense? Truth be told, I have already told you many things that I would charge an arm and a leg for."

"And I've willingly shown and told you things that are just as valuable." The teen sighed. "The fact that you know that I'm here and where I would be going soon is worth a goldmine to someone like you if you work fast enough."

"Quite true. You know my trade better than most." The elder male nodded in agreement. "What makes you think that I would not lie to you and send you into a trap?"

The jinchuriki smirked and crossed his arms. "Because I'm able to get info that even you can't get at otherwise, and staying on my good side means that the possibility of future transactions will stay quite realistic."

Kabuto matched the smirk with one of his own. "My assumption that you enjoy the dangerous life was not off in the slightest it seems. People like you are a pleasant rarity Naruto Uzumaki. However I am still a man of business, and we are talking of trade. I would still be in possession of the pieces of information you have mentioned so long as I gave you a destination. Then again, you have been more than a pleasant travel companion despite our history." He snapped his fingers. "I have it. If you can tell me this, I will tell you who they are after next."

"Well that doesn't sound ominous in the slightest." Naruto observed casually.

"Oh rest easy, I don't need your help to get access to most bits of confidential information." The spy waved his hands casually. "No, what I want to know is something a bit more… speculative."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Still sounding pretty ominous to me."

"You're dealing with an information trade specialist in a world of shinobi, trained killers. I'd be surprised if you found high level information that wasn't ominous in some way."

"Touché."

"Now that we have that out of the way, perhaps you can finally sate my curiosity. You are after all the one that knows them best." Kabuto nodded. "Tell me. Just who are the Oogakari, and what do they want?"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Nothing yet?" Tsunade sighed as she sat in front of Ibiki and Inoichi.

"No." Inoichi replied. "No one in the information and espionage department have found anything regarding to Naruto-kun or Ghost-san. Save for what we know and your and the Rookie Twelve's supposed simultaneous reaction to their chakra signatures, they could still be anywhere by now."

"That's a sobering thought." Ibiki snorted.

"Not going to work." Tsunade grunted. "If I can binge with Jiraiya and Orochimaru as teammates, nothing short of impending war would get me to stop."

"That's not supposed to be something to let other people know Hokage-sama." Inoichi laughed nervously.

"You're in charge of the information departments. I'm confident you can keep your mouths shut." The woman stated as if it was obvious before closing her eyes and sighed. "Honestly. The longer we wait for those two, the more I have a feeling that it means that something is going to go off in our faces."

"You're not the only one." Ibiki nodded. "I know those two are noted to be remarkably sharp when needed, but having them alone and representing Konoha for any extended period of time doesn't leave me with pleasant feelings."

"Neither does leaving Jiraiya alone to travel the world, but we let him do that too." The Hokage added offhandedly.

No one dared to mention Tsunade's own "extended leave" of Konoha.

"What of the other Oogakari?" Inoichi asked curiously. "The ones that felt what you felt all seem eager for Naruto-kun's and Ghost-san's return, but what about them?"

"No real change as far as I can tell." Ibiki shrugged. "Still as crazy as ever. Still as unreadable as ever." He turned to Tsunade. "Didn't the old one walk into a meeting recently smelling like bacon?"

"Oh yeah. That happened." Inoichi sighed. "It wouldn't have been that bad if Choza didn't forget to eat that morning. He was fidgeting throughout the entire meeting. A few times I thought he might actually try to eat Waltz-sama."

"For some reason he smells like it when he's set on fire. Don't ask why. We probably don't want to know." Tsunade bluntly stated, silently ordering him to drop that particular topic.

"Nuts. All of them are nuts. Even the normal ones are warped in some way." The scarred interrogator sighed.

"So either they know something and aren't worried, they're better at hiding their insecurities than we are, or they just don't care what happens." Inoichi summarized reluctantly. "Any way you see it, unless things get out of hand it doesn't look like they'll be willing to do anything to help us find them."

"I'm not surprised." The Hokage observed. "Knowing them they'd probably hope for things to get worse just so that dealing with whatever happens gets more interesting." She closed her eyes. "They wouldn't be responsible for it no, but if they knew something that could prevent it early, they would go out of their way to ensure that no one found out about it." She held back a laugh. "That is of course unless the threat was too big or if the enemy targeted kids. Then they'd probably be wiped out before even Danzo knew what happened."

Ibiki smirked. "Gotta admit. That old geezer sure knew what he was doing when he interrogated that Hyuuga. The giant prune set the record on how fast and badly you could traumatize an adult dojutsu user with your bare hands and not give them immediate life threatening injuries. The boys are still trying to figure out the physics of how he nailed that one guy to the ceiling with his own arm while he was still alive."

"Ugh. Not that again." Inoichi groaned. As a senior member of the interrogation department with Ibiki, he was well aware that the lower ranks there tended to focus their spare time on some of the most morally disturbing topics. "If I have to hear about the angle of impact and the time needed to get a body up there before they suffered from the shock of being de-armed one more time…"

"A little over four seconds, give or take given who it is, what they were doing at the time, and what their medical history is like." Tsunade offhandedly yawned before noting the looks the two men were giving her. "Oi don't give me that look. I'm the world's strongest woman and best medic around for a reason you know. I did a lot of dirty work in the second war."

"Right." Ibiki nodded. "Well for the most part we have nothing more to report Hokage-sama. Hopefully Jiraiya-sama will have better luck. If what you said about sensing the kid is true, then there's little doubt that he's caught onto it as well."

"That's who I was going to call next." The woman admitted shamelessly. "Let me know if you find anything new."

"Right." Both men nodded before each disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Honestly. Even when he's not here the brat is making us worry needlessly." The Hokage grunted as she leaned back in her chair and felt her spine pop. "Isn't that right?"

"He wouldn't be Naruto-kun if he didn't." Hinata replied as she appeared just outside the woman's window. "So he isn't here yet."

"If he was, there'd be a great deal more high pitched screaming and explosions in the village." The elder woman snorted without turning around. "Come inside Hinata. You're not ANBU. You don't have to hide yourself when talking to me."

Faster and smoother than most eyes could follow, the Hyuuga heiress entered the room and closed the window behind her before stopping in front of her leader's desk. "I take it you wish to talk to me Hokage-sama?"

"What? Can't us girls enjoy casual chatting every once in a while?" The middle aged woman raised an eyebrow wryly before inspecting the girl in front of her. "My my how time flies. I can't believe that the you in front of me now came from that tiny little thing those years ago…"

What Tsunade didn't mention was that she was referring to the old old Hinata. The small child before the time travelling, before Akatsuki, before Naruto developed a second brain cell.

Stuttering. Lacking of confidence. Trying her hardest to grow even the slightest to simply prove to herself that she was worth something.

The young woman in front of her was none of that. She stood calm and confident with enough power and skill to be considered one of the best in the village, even at her young age. And yet she remained humble to such a degree that few people even thought she was the ideal kunoichi… at least for advertisement purposes.

It was times like this that Tsunade was in fact grateful for the Oogakari's interference.

"Come now Tsunade-sama." Hinata sheepishly blushed. "There are still plenty of others who are better than me. I'm just doing the best I can to help everyone out."

"Of course there are people better than you out there. You're fifteen. You're not supposed to be the best." The Hokage rolled her eyes lazily as if she was stating the obvious. "You are on the other hand one of the most promising kunoichi in your age group I have ever seen. Myself included. Given a few more years and I might even consider you to be a candidate for the hat."

The pale eyed girl blinked in surprise. "F-F-for Hokage? Tsunade-sama you must be joking. I'm so young and I'm the Hyuuga Heiress and…"

"The current Kazekage is your age, and unless you've forgotten, I'm the clan head for the Senju… though the latter doesn't really matter much at this point." The blonde woman interrupted the girl casually. "Power wise you're still a bit underwhelming compared to what's expected out of someone in the position, but you still have time to grow. You're more mature than half of my jonin. You're more familiar with politics than nearly ALL of them, and your loyalty is unquestionable. Experience wise is the same as power. You have plenty of it, but you can get more with more time."

The Hyuuga shifted around uncomfortably. "But what about Jiraiya-sama, or Kakashi-sensei…"

"Or Naruto? Right?" Tsunade knowingly finished. "They are all being considered as well. I only said that you have the potential to get the hat, not that you would get it. Truth be told, that lazy friend of yours Shikamaru is also being looked at, but less than the others. He's got the head for the job, but people like him are better for jobs other than slaving behind a desk and dealing with politics. And truth be told…" She leaned over her desk and put her hand over her mouth as if telling a secret. "… I'm honestly a bit scared about what laws the brat would make up if he was put in charge. We'd possibly be in debt due to over purchasing ramen within a month."

Hinata blinked for a moment before giggling. "That is a possibility Tsunade-sama, but if he ever got that bad, his friends would be there to stop him."

"Or you would. Whichever came first." The leader grinned wryly. "Your group really don't know how good you have it. I barely remember the names of the shinobi my age save for Jiraiya and Orochimaru. The academy was more strict when I was young and so socializing was down to a minimum so we could focus more on training."

She didn't mention that she was a bit of a brat when she was a kid. Damn Hashirama, spoiling her silly as a brat.

"It didn't help that the second and third wars combined with countless missions and our hazardous occupation culled down their numbers down to virtually nothing. I think I remember inspecting some of their bodies during the second war in particular when I was on corpse retrieval duty. Hanzo really was a relentless monster then." The woman sighed, leaning back into her chair. "And now every few months or so Jiraiya and I go out to get smashed and talk about the good old days and what several of your parents were like when they were annoying kids. Honestly. When did I get so old?"

Hinata remained quiet, not exactly sure what to say at the woman's rather sobering reminiscing.

"Being so close to so many friends is a blessing and a curse in our occupation Hinata. Never forget that." The woman continued on. "They can be your greatest strength and your greatest weakness in so many ways. My fiancée was a Hokage candidate before he was killed. My little brother was killed even earlier. Both shinobi and both scarred me heavily. If I wasn't such a wreck at the time, Orochimaru's betrayal would have affected me more than it did. Of course Jiraiya and Sensei would still be hurt more by it than me."

"Ah, and the worst part of it was that even though I was a big name even then, my closest loved ones were simply a casualty of circumstance. I blamed myself for not being able to heal them. I blamed Konoha for a while for being the reason why they died. But in the end the story was the same. The world can be merciless at the drop of the hat, for no reason, for no purpose, for no alternative plot. Misfortune is just as natural as the wind, as is happiness, joy, pain, love, and loss. To dwell on the situation is the same as to dwell on the weather. Unless it leads to something it's better to simply stop after a short amount of time."

"… May I ask why you are telling me this Hokage-sama?" Hinata asked with formality and with a hint of coldness. "As a jonin and a designated commander of Konoha's forces, I have undergone the training and conditioning regarding these subjects."

She did not mention how little she cared for such conditioning, as it involved subjecting her to mock missions without her knowing and subjecting her to genjutsu to see her teams and loved ones die or get tortured right in front of her. It took her five unexpected attempts before she managed to get used to the effects and keep her head on enough to pass the test, and even then she was rather unnerved after the success. It was a rather cruel thing to do, but necessary as she needed to ensure that she could make the right decisions in any situation.

It didn't help that instead of a standard genjutsu, the proctors had been taken to using another one of Crypt's seals to provide the illusion, ensuring that whoever was trapped in it to at least be shaken up and at most be absolutely hysterical.

And that was AFTER they told him to tone down the effects.

Ibiki used the earlier versions for interrogating the more stubborn prisoners. He was far from disappointed.

"Mmm." Tsunade mused aridly. "One of the strongest signs of a Kage is being able to hold things together no matter how bad the situation becomes. Dealing with poor events is one thing, but to be responsible, to have your NAME as the reason why they did it in the first place, and still manage it to come out on top is another thing completely… and being able to recover when you lose horribly." She looked at the girl carefully. "The sad truth of the matter is that you will have to be familiar with great loss of your own machination to be truly capable of doing this job properly. You would be essentially sending people to their potential deaths with this hat. This includes friends, family, and loved ones. Over and over and over again."

The woman shook her head. "I wasn't kidding when I first said this job is cursed. No one in their right mind would truly want it, not if they paid attention to what it truly meant. Not in our world. I guess it's part of the reason why all the Kage in the world are a bit twisted in some way… or they're incredibly thick. One of the two at least."

"… And this is what you look for in candidates as well?" Hinata asked warily.

"One could say it has to be one of their strongest traits." Tsunade dryly smirked. "The more normal ones gotta have outlets to relieve the stress, otherwise they'll snap. Kakashi. Jiraiya… even Naruto have this in great degrees. They are strong in this area. They are all a bit off, but they know when to take risks and handle great unfortunate responsibility and keep on going the next day to the best of their abilities regardless of how much it hurts."

"You are saying that I don't have this." The Hyuuga stated skeptically.

"No. Everyone has it." Tsunade shook her head. "It's whether or not you can control yourself enough to use it that's the problem. You have the same issue I do when it comes to this… you care a great deal for others."

The girl frowned in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand Tsunade-sama. What do you mean by that?"

The elder woman leaned back into her chair. "When my brother and fiancée died, with the latter doing so slowly right in front of me despite my best efforts, my heart and soul were crushed, and I developed a strong case of hemophobia. Soon after that I left the village on a drinking and gambling spree that few could hope to ever match, all in a vain attempt to forget the past. I ignored my family, my friends, my teachers, virtually everyone because of my self pity. All because I put all of my heart and being into supporting those two and had them cruelly ripped away."

She leered at the girl. "I am not blind Hinata. You trained as hard as you did primarily because of Naruto, because of the challenges he has to face soon… very soon in fact. You have a great heart and care deeply about those around you, and your strength is proof of that. What I am afraid of is what would happen if one of them died because of something that you blame yourself for."

"I don't want you to end up like me if things don't turn out the way we hope them to."

o. o. o.

Suna:

"So this is Suna hm?" Deidara raised an eyebrow as he and Sasori approached the east entrance at three in the morning. The sky was dark and the land cold, as expected of the desert in the middle of the night. It made the massive walls of the hidden village all the more prominent and ominous as one walked closer to it. "There's a sort of beauty here. The way it just appears like this in the middle of nowhere like a fleeting illusion. Hm."

"There's a massive but simple seal array that makes the village appear like a mirage from a distance. The local sandstorms help make the charade more believable." Sasori explained stoically. "Unless you know the proper way to approach the village, you'll be disoriented by the illusions and you'll get lost in the storms."

"Scary scary." The bomb specialist smirked. "That's certainly an unartistic way to go."

"They were still occasionally finding bodies from the first war when I left." The puppetmaster admitted.

"It's a more interesting setup than what Iwa has." Deidara mused. "The mountains hide and do most of the work defending that boring place. Whenever we were attacked, we'd just use ninjutsu to cause rockslides or use the underground tunnels to outmaneuver them." He spat to the side. "Cowards."

"But it worked." Sasori pointed out before stopping, looking up at the rows of Suna shinobi that were standing on the slabs of sandstone that made up the main walls of the village.

"Yeah, but it left little room to be creative." Deidara continued without apparently taking note of the enemy in front of him. "Save for using my art to make MORE rockslides and route the enemy, I was left with nothing to do. When I left my balls were bluer than Kisame's. Hm."

"What have I told you about going too far with your descriptions?" The elder missing nin growled irritably, trying to banish the mental images from his head.

"Halt!" Some random jonin shouted with so much authority he was adorable to the intruders. "Black coats with red clouds. You are members of Akatsuki! Surrender now or we will-"

BANG!

A clay spider had jumped up from the shadows during the man's speech, attached itself to his face, and blown up his head in a spectacular show of blood and gore.

The natives there would probably have reacted to it, but at the same time several other spiders had jumped out and assaulted other members all over the wall, executing them in much the same bloody manner.

"Hey Sasori-danna. Just wondering, do you know why Leader was dumb enough to make us all wear a uniform that anyone can easily identify?" The bomb artist asked curiously, completely ignoring the massacre and screaming in front of him.

"Because he's strong enough to make us do it, and we're strong enough that being identified doesn't really matter." Sasori replied in a bored tone, deflecting the few sparse kunai and weapons thrown at them with his giant tail. "I was interested in the project, and didn't really care much about the uniform, so I went with it. Arguing would have served no real purpose in the end and caused things to take longer. And I hate waiting."

Reaching up to his mouth, the puppetmaster undid the mask of his, or rather Hiruko's face, and revealed his mechanical mouth opening. Within moments hundreds of metal senbon coated in deadly poison shot out with the force of bullets in a wide spread at the enemy, causing more death and chaos among the ranks.

"Scary." The blonde man chuckled as he saw men and women drop like flies in front of him. Unable to regroup. Unable to find cover. Unable to gain enough time to form seals.

Among all the members of Akatsuki, Sasori could be considered to be the best equipped and have among the widest range of skills. Deidara had more powerful and destructive ninjutsu, but they were limited in their area of effect. Where they went off was where the damage was. Sasori on the other hand could switch from precise to spread damage to seals with mechanical and destructive ease. It was this adaptability that made the man from Suna one of the more dangerous members of the organization. No one knew just what his full range of skills was or what he would use for any given situation if pushed.

In less than a minute, the roughly hundred shinobi standing guard had been either been blown apart, skewered, poisoned, or fallen to their deaths from their perch.

"Hmm." Sasori growled as he inspected the area skeptically.

"Something the matter? Did you use an extra senbon?" Deidara mocked.

"I had a sleeper spy set up here." Sasori replied. "When I activated his seal, he was supposed to be in charge of this entrance." He tilted his head down darkly, the hat he wore did nothing to hide the malevolent look in his mechanical eyes. "I don't like being made to wait."

"He probably got caught." The bomber shrugged as he casually walked down the narrow groove in the wall that led into the village. "It doesn't matter much. Hm. All we have to do is stir things up a bit to flush the jinchuriki out and then get him."

"It'll take longer than I want." The elder grumbled irritably, clearly not wanting to deal with the harder way. "But it appears that we have no choice. Be quick about it. The longer we wait, the more of a chance they'll find out where we came in from and make it a pain to escape."

"Sometimes I wonder which one of us is the brat with how much you moan. Hn." The blonde laughed genuinely as he stuck a hand into one of his clay pouches. "Well regardless, I've heard that this jinchuriki is pretty strong, so I stocked up on extra clay."

"Don't go overboard brat. Remember, we need him alive." Sasori reminded Deidara as they emerged on the other side of the wall, overlooking a good portion of the village.

"Humph." The younger snorted as he took out his hand and held out a bird molded out of clay. "Do I look like Hidan to you? I know what Leader said." Whipping out his arm, he threw the sculpture and flared his chakra, causing the tiny toy to transform into a giant pale and odd looking bird. Moments later he jumped onto the creature with natural ease and looked down at his partner. "Don't worry. I'll get the target. No one can stand up to my art."

"Just don't take forever this time. You're always playing around when it comes to stronger targets." The puppetmaster frowned.

"What can I say? I'm a man that enjoys his job and tries to get the most out of it whenever inspiration arrives! Hm!" Deidara laughed as he took to the sky with a sadistic grin on his face. Truly nothing got him more excited than when he was about to undertake another large project, because any "big" job for him normally required "big" explosions, something he loved from the bottom of his heart. The fact that he was allowed to go buck wild on an entire village if needed only further excited the nineteen year old fanatic.

Feeling the dry cold air whip his long hair around, the explosives expert allowed himself to do a few aerial tricks for the hell of it before getting down to business and scanning the land below with the scope on his left eye.

"One. Two. Three. Four… Huh." The man raised an eyebrow as he counted the number of shinobi who appeared to be inspecting the sky. "At least a dozen? That's more than I expected."

His statement had some logic behind it. The number of shinobi in the world that were capable of flight over long distances, even if it was with the aid of summons, was notoriously low. In fact the save for himself and Onoki, Deidara only knew of two other living people off the top of his head that could pull it off with ease, Pain and Konan. Which meant…

"They've been expecting me. Hm." The bomber's glare deepened before his hands went to his pouches. Contrary to his eyes, his mouth merely widened its grin into something savage. "Well then. If that's the case, I might as well not disappoint them. I'll just have to turn this entire village into my gallery by the time I'm gone." He turned to the large building in the center of the village and looked at the guards around the area. "But first the jinchuriki…"

Say what you would about Deidara, but none could deny that his ninjutsu and his use of it was artful in a sense. Using nothing more than a lump of shaped clay the size of a large marble for each target, the man easily killed at least half a dozen trained shinobi before they knew what hit them. Each lump of clay had landed on the building near their target, turning into a large spider that silently crept up upon their target and exploded with lethal but surprisingly minimal force. The sounds from the explosions echoed briefly across the village, but the damage had been made only to their targets ensuring that as little attention was drawn to them as possible.

Flying down towards the top of the building, the explosive specialist's next step was to try and sneak into the Kazekage tower and take out the jinchuriki when he slept. Then he'd escape, blowing up the tower in the process in a show of art, perhaps set off a C3 bomb on his flight back to Sasori, and then be home free…

His planning for the near future however were instantly thrown out the window however as his senses screamed at him to dodge. Not even hesitating, the man commanded his animated bird to beat its wings hard and rose just in time to avoid something impossibly fast flash right past him. His ordeal wasn't finished yet however as he then had to hold on when the aftershock the thing had made buffeted his mount around violently, cutting up his work quite a bit on the underside. Beneath him, he vaguely heard several windows of the building beneath him crack from the pressure as well.

"What the hell?! Hn!" The artist swore as he gained more elevation and turned to see what on earth had nearly torn him to shreds… and saw a blonde woman in a black robe and the standard vest roughly his age surfing on a large ornate battle fan which was flying through the air faster than anything he had ever seen. Within moments his attacker had u-turned and flown to his direction with unnatural ease.

"Deidara of Iwa. S class missing nin and member of Akatsuki." The woman crossed her arms sternly as she approached him. "Why do I have the feeling you are not here to surrender?"

Not at all intimidated by the woman's attack, the fellow blonde man stood up straight again and lowered his hands to his pouches. "You tell me." He grinned while eyeing her and her weapon. "I gotta say, I'm impressed. You must be Suna's Sora no Mai I've heard about. Yeah… you definitely have a great artistic quality on you."

"I have a boyfriend pervert." Temari frowned. "I'd surrender if I were you."

"Humph. Don't underestimate me or my art woman." Deidara snorted as he began to mould and shape the clay in his hands. "Just curious though. How did you know I was here?"

A tinge of red appeared on the woman's face. "One of the guards you killed was right above my apartment."

The bomber smirked. "I see. So I interrupted your alone time with whatever fool you spend time with. Well then I have good news for you then!" He whipped out his hands, unleashing half a dozen flying exploding birds at the young woman. "At least your night will end with a bang!"

The birds didn't even make it halfway to their target before Temari reacted with gusto.

The instant she saw the attack coming, the blonde woman bent forward, retracted the small fan like protrusion on the top of her weapon so that it folded into the main shaft, grabbed it, and continued to flip forward with the fan following suit.

"FUTON! ANRYUU (Wind style: Undercurrent)!"

Deidara could confidently say that the following chaotic wall of air that erupted from the fan was the largest and most violent wind ninjutsu he had ever experienced or seen in his life. Only his quick reactions had enabled him to avoid a direct hit and merely escape with his mount's back right side torn to shreds alongside his failed attack birds, their remains flying back all over the village in sizes that would not enable any real destruction save for some minor wounds and property damage.

"Shit!" The bomber swore as his hands emerged from his pouches once again during his fall, having already been in there the moment he had finished his prior attack. In one hand was another bird like mount for him, this time in the shape of an owl, and in the other was several more bird bombs, ones of his faster and more agile variety. Whipping out his arms and letting loose his new creations, the man barely had time to evade Temari shoot by him on top of her fully expanded fan again. Thankfully this time the slipstream behind her was nowhere near as violent as before and merely gave him a few grazing cuts.

"She's good…" Deidara grimaced as he got to work making more bombs while rapidly climbing through the air, watching as she outraced his faster explosives by a wide margin. Her fuuton ninjutsu is really potent as was her speed. Even if she misses a charge, just being near where she was would cause some serious damage. His standard aerial dodging was useless here. Fighting her in the air is definitely not going to work in his favor, but going to the ground where rest of the village is would be worse.

He paused as he watched the girl turn widely towards his direction. Her agility was lower at high speeds though. He could use that to his advantage, but he would still have to be careful for the slipstream. That little trick alone would cause a good deal of trouble for him.

A direct attack would be useless against this one and would only prompt her to make another one of those monstrous wind attacks. He'd have to be more creative. Lucky for him, being creative was a requirement for an artist of his level.

When Temari managed to cross half the distance between the two, Deidara dove back down to the ground, or more accurately to the large village below.

"The hell you'll get away!" The woman yelled as she followed him down at breakneck speeds, crouching down to become more aerodynamic, blazing past the buildings of her home village so fast that it all looked like a blur.

The male blonde couldn't help but shiver in anticipation as his clay owl beat its wings hard to maintain its head start. Barely looking behind him, he could see his opponent rapidly catching up to him, distorting the air behind her visibly and violently in the process. "Scary. Scary. And to think I assumed only Jinchuriki would give me trouble. Lucky I brought extra clay for this, otherwise I might have run out. Hm."

A moment later his mouth beat its powerful wings in order to do a sharp right angle turn down another of the village's main streets. "Then again, I don't expect this to take long in the first place…"

Temari clicked her teeth in irritation as her target went out of sight. She had a good idea what his general plan was and in all honesty she probably would have done the same with the roles reversed, however there was little she could do about it. She had to stay on top of the man as much as possible or else he might start attacking the villagers.

Thrusting out her feet and thus the fan in front of her like a snowboard and ignoring the heavy inertia she placed on herself, the Jonin managed to slow down enough to obtain enough control to turn into the oncoming street, putting on another large burst of speed as she went down her new path…

She almost didn't notice the three dozen white spots jumping around the area she was crossing until it was too late.

"KATSU!" Deidara shouted in triumph as the easy to miss bombs exploded in mid air right in front of the woman, shattering the windows in the area and causing a good amount of screaming in the process. If he couldn't set them off on his target and couldn't catch her with them normally, he'd just have to set them off right in front of her…

His elation however only lasted for a second as a moment later the woman burst out of the fire and clouds virtually unharmed with a cone of what appeared to be wind coming from the tip of her fan encompassing her.

"Futon. Mahha Shouheki (Wind Style. Mach Barrier)." The female blonde growled irritably before instantly accelerating and causing her defense to narrow as a result.

"Damn!" The male swore as he barely managed to turn onto another street before the woman tore through where he was. It still didn't protect him and the buildings from the sonic boom that followed soon afterwards, all but shattering him, his eardrums, and the windows nearby. " _I think she's actually doing more damage to the village than I am."_

His best chance to take her out was in the sandstone jungle where he could plant his traps, however with all the chaos she was stirring up the entire village might as well be up by this point, meaning he was in striking distance for most of the local population.

"Heh. Damned if I do and damned if I don't." He shook his ringing head mockingly before taking his hands out of his pouches and began to mould more clay. "Regardless, I have to make this quick and get to the objective and this girl needs some extra firepower to take out… I guess it couldn't hurt to be a bit more generous with my art. A hidden village would make a fine gallery after all…"

Instead of trying to turn around and find Deidara up close, Temari had shot straight up to the sky for the aerial view soon after she had missed her charge, making a full half loop before twisting herself so that she was standing once more on her prized ramidreju. As a native of Sunagakure and having flown through its buildings and streets countless times for fun over the past few years, Temari knew all of the possible routes her target could have taken since she last saw him.

Looking down she could already see a good number of shinobi gathering outside, primarily gathering towards where the bomber had tried to kill her with those exploding crickets and where she broke the sound barrier.

In the back of her mind she winced. Gaara had chided her more than once about doing that within the village when she had initially been testing out how fast she could go. The property damage she managed to accumulate in one particular run had been hauntingly large as was the bill that came along with it. Royalty or not, shelling out that amount of cash had left her on a budget for a good while.

Hopefully if she managed to catch the asshat trying to kidnap her brother, she would get a reward large enough to cover for the damages.

It only took a few seconds for her to spot her target. For all the stealth he displayed earlier, he really was quite oblivious to the fact that his creations stuck out in the night with their pale complexions. The only way they could have stuck out more was if they reflected light or shown in all the colors of the rainbow.

"I'll get you this time." She growled as she once more dove towards the ground with terrifying speed, once more shattering the sound barrier with ease and waking more people in the village in the process. Not that she could see individual people at that point of course. Moving as fast as she was the Jonin had developed a solid case of tunnel vision with the rapidly growing white bird at its core. Its red and black passenger glanced back nervously, not expecting her to close up on him even faster than she had before.

She was going to get him this time. She could see his eye widening, his hands raised to defend himself… his grin widening and two fingers extended as his entire body turned the same pale color as its mount…

"Shi-!"

BOOM!

Once more Temari had run headfirst into Deidara's trap, and unlike last time this explosion had some definite kick to it proven by the buildings that took significant structural damage nearby.

Once more Temari had emerged on the other side of the debris. Intact, but not unharmed or unhindered as the arms she held in front of her head were fairly burnt, as were a few portions of the rest of her body which were unfortunately fused to her clothes, which happened occasionally when dealing with fire based damage. Her fan had a few minor tears in it but was for the most part still functional.

" _That was dangerous."_ She winced. If she didn't have her shield up, that would have without a doubt killed her. Thankfully due to the way her Mach Barrier worked, the faster she went the stronger her defense became. It's one of the reasons why she was confident enough to do her head first charges in the first place, but her opponent was stronger than she thought. Unfortunately thanks to that blast she wasn't moving fast enough to make it a viable resource. " _I have to get some distance again. I can't go my top speed now, but I can at least run interference until…"_

Her thoughts were interrupted as her senses screamed at her to move, and against a member of Akatsuki she didn't bother to think about it.

Without even looking the Kazekage's sister in one movement collapsed and grabbed the tip of her fan while rolling forward and managed to blow off course the large pale dragon like bomb that had been heading straight for her like a charging bull, forcing it up and lacerating its body heavily in the process…

However it still wasn't enough to protect her when the damn thing blew up right over her head, burning her even more and throwing her violently down to the hard ground with her villagers watching in shock and fear…

Her landing though was softer and less painful than she had expected as layers and coils of sand caught her and cushioned her fall until she was resting comfortably on top of the coarse stones.

"I thought I told you not to break the sound barrier in the village." Gaara dryly chided from atop his own floating platform of sand while keeping his eyes on Deidara.

The blonde female winced as she got back up. Her right arm, side, and back were littered with burns of varying degrees. She wouldn't be able to fly or use taijutsu well anytime soon, however that didn't mean she was useless. "I was hoping the bounty would pay for it." She wittedly replied, looking up at her opponent, who had traded his bird themed mounts for a much larger dragon that had a long worm like tail.

"Not bad." Deidara smirked as he floated on his C2 Dragon. He had assumed that he would manage to waste the woman with that last attack, however her quick reaction time and the Jinchuriki's arrival managed to prove him wrong, not that he cared. His maneuver gave him the desired result of at least getting rid of the fellow blonde's mobility, which was what made her the most dangerous in his eyes. Without that, he could just take his time with her from outside her attack range.

More importantly though, was the fact that his target had finally showed himself.

"About time you woke up! Hm!" The Akatsuki smirked. "What took you so long? We were tearing up your little village for quite a while!"

Gaara didn't blink. "I was trying to sleep after trying to convince Shukaku that rampant genocide does not qualify as a legitimate hobby for three hours."

Temari couldn't help but snort despite the pain she was in. Even after three years her brother was still trying to domesticate, or at least temper the mad ichibi. Progress was slow… however the two did occasionally agree and work together on a few things with excellent synergy.

… Such as when they both wished to horrifically maim or kill something that irritated them greatly.

Raising his arms up slowly, Gaara commanded the desert sand around the village to rise like an encompassing ominous tsunami of sand.

As the walls gained in height, their summoner too seemed to become more malevolent in appearance as his skin began to develop blue markings from head to toe, and a large bushy tail the color of sand and bearing the same markings reared from his backside.

Deidara couldn't help but sweat as he looked around and saw the environment being turned against him. "Oi oi. This is a bit much for a simple terrain advantage isn't it?"

Everyone in the village shivered as they felt the desert seemingly awaken and rise. Someone had disturbed its slumber, and that someone was about to face the consequences of their actions tenfold.

o. o. o.

Elsewhere in the village:

"Honestly." Shikamaru snorted as he looked up and watched Gaara unleash hell upon Deidara in the form of massive claws coming in from every direction. "If I didn't know him better I'd almost think he's showing off."

He would have been angrier that his girlfriend had nearly been killed twice now, but in all honesty Gaara was doing a damn good job of exacting just revenge in his place. Plus Gaara would be able to protect the blonde better than the shadow user could in this situation.

"Astounding." Chiyo whispered. "He has completely surpassed anything the Third Kazekage could accomplish."

"Focus guys." Kankuro growled. "Akatsuki works in pairs. There's another S ranked nut around here and we don't know where he is. If the information is correct, then Deidara's partner is…"

"Sasori. We know." Shikamaru rolled his eyes before kneeling down and placing two fingers on the ground with one hand and holding up two more with his other in front of his face to focus.

In an instant, his shadow spread out in all directions like a spider web using thin nearly invisible strands of darkness, connecting to the larger building shadows near him… which in turn reached out to the next closest shadows nearby via the same method… and again… and again constantly and repeatedly with blinding speed until virtually every shadow and silhouette in the village walls were in some way connected to his own. The entire process took at most twenty seconds.

"Found him." The shadow user frowned as he stood back up and canceled the technique. "There's a person with a large chakra level at the opening to the east entrance with an abnormal body. Easily bigger than anyone else's reserves here in the village save for Gaara's."

"Abnormal body…" Chiyo frowned. "He might be using Hiruko. It would explain why we never heard of anybody matching his physical description since he disappeared."

"Is that so?" Kankuro frowned before reaching for one of the many scrolls hanging off his side. "Well then if you two don't mind, I think I'll take first crack at him. Out of the three of us, I'm the best when it comes to getting past heavy defenses…"

o. o. o.

With Sasori:

"… This may be too much." The puppetmaster frowned as he saw waves of sand assault his partner from all sides. Itachi or Kisame would have been more suitable for a fight like this. At the very least they should have lured him out of the desert by kidnapping someone.

Pain had vastly understated how much of a boost a terrain advantage would give their target big time. He would have to bring this up in the next meeting.

Sasori was not a fool. Unlike all the other members of Akatsuki save for maybe Konan, he had started off with a normal body with little to no real assets or connections. He did not have a bloodline like Pain, Deidara, Itachi, or Zetsu. He was not trained by a Kage or had access to a summoning contract or otherworldly existences or abnormally unique jutsu like Orochimaru, Kakuzu, or Hidan. And he certainly did not have a legendary weapon or an ungodly powerful body like Kisame.

All he had were his puppets, poisons, and his seals. All common branches of ninjutsu from Suna (save for the seals which were also far from unknown) that every shinobi worth their headband had heard, dealt, or seen of at one point or another.

Every strategy, every weapon, every tool he used were created from scratch by him from the ground up. In a way, it could easily be said that he was one of the most intelligent and creative members of Akatsuki. If not for his patience issues, he'd probably be the smartest one there.

In that sense, he could relate to Deidara pretty well, who also had created his own unique if not obnoxious ninjutsu by himself without aid. Despite their different views of "art" and the fact that their home villages are perpetually at one another's throats, they were pretty much treated the same. Both were pioneers of their craft. Both were openly denied the ability to further their research and expand their horizons.

Both didn't take rejection that well.

Despite these similarities however, one of their main differences was that Sasori was not illusioned with the idea that his craft was flawless.

Most of his weapons were designed to take out human and living based opponents, which was understandable since puppet ninjutsu was originally designed for assassination and support type shinobi in the first place.

His poison could knock out anyone, human or summon save for those like Orochimaru with just a scratch, and a surprise spray of kunai, senbon and shuriken fired fast enough was enough to take down Jonin when timed properly. A good part of the time, a salvo of exploding tags did the job faster and better than any jutsu could. The only thing preventing most shinobi from doing that more often was the financial cost of employing it.

For fights of greater caliber and scale however, such as fighting a biju itself, standard puppet tricks were woefully lacking in power, durability, and flexibility. Poison wouldn't work on them. Standard blades wouldn't cut the first layer of chakra dense skin. Seals took a good while to use. And trying to outmuscle a biju was laughable. Unless they possessed some sort of customized automatic seal array that could somehow deal with the situation, even an army of puppets would fall instantly to this sort of battle.

It was because of this that he always developing, growing, and progressing of course, but the presence of people and jutsu that could overcome his puppets and skills was perpetual…

… Which was what originally gave him the idea to make human puppets in the first place. If he could capture the potential that others had, that power, and make it his own, would that not cover the limitations of the standard puppet? How terrifying was a Kage level shinobi that would not bleed, no, even stop or stall if given a lethal wound or lost a limb? And then what if said unrelenting Kage was also littered with traps and poisons? Such tools would outshine even the Seven Swords of Kiri! Suna's puppets would turn the village into a force greater than that of Konoha!

But his ideas were turned down by the third Kazekage almost instantly. Inhumane. Cruel. Sickening he had said. Far be it for the hypocrite to remember that he sold lives to the highest bidder and had several dozen prisoners being tortured in the dungeons for information that would be killed soon afterwards.

The least they could have done was give him the bodies of the defeated foes for experimentation. He didn't even need the bodies of high profile individuals or bloodline users, just some people with decent chakra systems to tinker with…

But he was denied, and what more, he had been stripped of his position as head researcher of the puppet corps. They couldn't get rid of his Jonin rank. No, he was already Sasori of the Red Sands by that point. It would look bad to the other villages if they did that. Still it did block many resources from the then teen's reach.

It was fortunate that by then the redhead had already done some private research ahead of schedule in order to see if his hypothesis was correct at all. He had meant what he said at the time. He was only using the bodies of a few random genin from Iwa that had a few workable and simple jutsu he could toy with… plus it helped advance his medical skills.

Few people knew it, but when he left he had been just a test or two away from getting a practicing medical degree. He was a genius after all, and he did so hate waiting...

The straw that broke the camel's back however occurred later when he found out the real reason why the Kazekage had turned down his request.

Money.

As one of the main five villages, Suna had an image to protect. Kiri and Iwa already had the bloody anything goes image, though they also had the terrain training thing going as well. Konoha was friendly, approachable, and extremely loyal to their customers. Kumo was militaristic to a fault and had a good deal of muscle.

Suna on the other hand had quality, efficiency and resourcefulness. Their shinobi could take the most hits, last longer in the harshest conditions, and survive off of very little, getting the toughest job done with common household items.

However due to these rather "common" qualities, the fact that their village was an utter pain for most clients to reach normally, and their history of rather idiotic money hoarding Daimyo, Suna had frequently been passed up for other villages when it came to missions. If Sasori's plan had gone into effect, it would scare away even more customers regardless of how powerful the village became.

Sasori, who at that point was already well schooled at controlling his emotions, was infuriated when he learned of this. The fact that he was denied progress was one thing, but to actually be lied to about the reason for it was another story.

He could stomach a lot, being a shinobi after all. Secrets and death were practically his bread and butter… but… money? His reason for existing was being halted for such a base reason, and what more, they thought it was a good idea to hide it from him? The piss poor logic behind such absurd thinking was almost enough to astound him out of his rage.

Had they just told him, he would have handled it better. He would have made the puppets anyway, make them unrecognizable, and then just passed them off as his specials, but now? Oh no. He had barely any connection to the village in the first place save for his grandmother and a couple members of the puppet corps, and at that point human sentimentalism was far from enough to convince him to stay.

The village? Ranking? Nobility? He cared for none of those things. Only his craft truly mattered to him, and said craft was being threatened and stifled by his so called home and his so called leader…

So he dealt with both issues personally by leaving one for good, and taking the other with him.

Over the years he had never stepped foot in Suna, but he did keep tabs on any information that crept up. Any potential advances in puppetry were of course his priority, but general information was of use too.

He had snorted in amusement despite not having lungs when he learned of Pakura of the Scorched Sand's sacrifice to Kiri. The masses said that she was killed by Iwa. The nobles believed she was sacrificed to the bloodline hating Kiri to gain a temporary alliance…

The REAL reason she was killed though was once again… money.

Kiri had the monopoly when it came to sea based trade and missions with few exceptions. As a general, if relatively unknown, rule, the other hidden villages paid tribute to them to ensure that they didn't attack any of their ships so long as said ships carried what they were supposed to and not a weapon or shinobi more. During the third war, Kiri had been reneging a bit on that setup for obvious reasons, especially on Suna in particular who was rather dependant on their few ships that exited their country from the south via the few rivers that ran through the country.

Sasori learned that the main reason why Kiri picked on Suna at the time was because the Kazekage was the only one of the five kage at the time that technically had a bloodline. Onoki's Bloodline Selection, while powerful as all get out, technically wasn't a bloodline limit since it wasn't genetic. Pakura's sacrifice was made so that the ignorant bloodline hating fools would let up on Suna's few but vital trading routes. Indeed, just a few weeks after the woman's death the number of trading ships from Suna that "mysteriously sunk" or were attacked by pirates had dramatically decreased.

But that was beside the point. Sasori didn't have the patience to deal with the annoying politics of humans, run by unobservant fools that couldn't see even if they took their heads out of their asses. They mattered little to him unless it meant a job or something to do with puppetry.

The only reason why he got along with Kakuzu so well was because the miser was at least honest when it came to dealing finances, if a bit crooked, and the fact that the guy was his main source for expensive and hard to find parts.

Of course the fact that they both hated their partners was something they could relate to as well.

"This is a bit much…" The puppetmaster mused as he observed Deidara weave around the dozens of giant warped claws with apparent ease, but some effort as well. To be honest, Sasori was beginning to have doubts about encountering the jinchuriki alone himself should his blonde partner fail. In direct combat at least. _"He's going to bitch about this for a long time, but I think it would be best if I got involved in this after all… looks like the Sandaime Kazekage's going to make a surprise appearance in his home town after twenty years…"_

His thoughts were interrupted as something very large landed right in front of him, kicking up a great deal of dust in the process.

"This better be worth it." Sasori grumbled.

His ranting was interrupted as the thing that crashed in front of him slowly stood up on two legs… and grew… and grew…

In front of the slouched over figure stood a two story tall suit of dark grey western armor, compete with a metal body and a claymore whose blade alone was at least the size of Kisame.

The puppetmaster merely extended his tail out a small bit, preparing it to move. "… At the very least, this is different…"

Moving faster than expected, the large man shaped tool bolted forward and swung its weapon down with enough bone crushing force to put even Kisame on guard for a moment.

Sasori on the other hand merely frowned and used his sturdy and powerful tail to smack aside the blade with a resounding crack that could be heard for a great distance, forcing the weapon to crash into the ground just a few feet to the right of its target and a great deal closer than what the defender had expected…

However he could not do much about it as in the next moment his vision was obstructed by the armor's free hand, now fist, traveling straight for his face with unnatural speed.

" _Fast!"_ The missing nin mentally swore as the blow connected like a pillar of steel and blasted him back into the village's tremendous stone walls.

"Tell me the truth guys." Kankuro snorted as he, Chiyo, and Shikamaru appeared a good ways behind his customized puppet. "What are the odds that I actually got him with that?"

"Do you really want to know?" The shadow user deadpanned.

Chiyo rolled her eyes. "We are dealing with S ranked shinobi Kankuro, not genin."

"Figures." Kankuro sighed shaking his head. The dust settled where Sasori had landed to reveal a large pile of sand where his body should have been. "You can come out now. We know you're there."

A dry chuckle met their ears as the real Sasori emerged from the sand nearby. The misshapen figure eyed Kankuro with malice and interest. "I'm somewhat impressed. The larger a puppet is the harder it is to control it, however you seem to have no issue making your tool follow your commands with astounding agility."

Even someone deemed unmatched in the world of puppetry didn't normally use such large constructs. They were too inflexible, slow, unwieldy, and used too much chakra to be put to practical purposes. The strain alone they put on the user's fingers was enough to turn them off to all but the dumbest of genin.

"Looks like you have an admirer." Shikamaru dryly observed.

"Sasori…" Chiyo growled darkly. "First you run away for decades, then you come back and attack the village, and you don't even bother to contact or call your dear grandmother after all I did for you?! You must be the most ungrateful grandchild in the elemental nations! I am going to give you such a spanking!"

"Please wait until I leave before you go through with that." The shadow user sighed. "That is definitely something I have no intention of watching."

"Chiyo-baa…" The missing nin glanced at his grandmother as if noticing her for the first time. "What a surprise. From what I've heard, you usually distance yourself from the village these days."

The old woman snorted. "The place is run by a bunch of fools, but I can only get your grandfather by playing dead so many times before it gets old. Doing it to a bunch of clueless brats in the middle of the street is much more amusing."

Kankuro hesitantly looked between the grandmother and grandson with skepticism. "Against my better judgment, was she like this when she was raising you? And by like this I mean…"

"Obnoxious beyond known reason to the point that she's barely tolerable for extended periods of time?" The redhead finished Kankuro's sentence knowingly. "The only thing senile about that woman is her sense of humor."

"Sasori! What have I told you about disrespecting me in public like that!?" Chiyo snapped irritably.

"… I fucking knew it…" The Kazekage's brother glared at his teacher menacingly before turning back to the task at hand…

… And swore under his breath before he quickly maneuvered his massive puppet to swing its sword in front of him. An instant later the constant pinging of poisoned senbon impacting it like rain was heard clearly as Sasori's sneak attack was blocked.

Chiyo, having taught Sasori in the first place and having a still very agile body easily danced and weaved through her part of the onslaught without any problems or scratches.

Shikamaru on the other hand merely raised a black shield composed of his shadows in front of him, which silently deflected every poisoned needle that came into contact with it.

It only took a few seconds before Sasori realized that he wouldn't get anywhere with this line of attack before he decided to improvise. They could block physical attacks, but what about chemical ones?

With an audible clicking inside Hiruko's body, he had switched the launcher inside his mouth from shooting poisoned senbon to poison gas pellets, and thus fired them off right in front of his surprised targets. Exploding just a few meters in front of them, the pellets unleashed their contents in the form of a giant purple cloud all over the area.

"That should take care of them." The attacker nodded in satisfaction, his tail slowly retracting in the process. "A single breath will paralyze them to the point of being helpless. Now to deal with the-"

He was interrupted as the tremendous knight puppet erupted from the cloud with its sword in both hands swinging down in an overhand strike with terrifying force. Sasori didn't even bother trying to defend against the blow and leapt to the side quickly to dodge the blow, appearing as if he was shifting sideways without moving…

Only to curse as at the last moment a hidden panel in the blade jutted out and blasted a short pulse of chakra that altered the weapon's course, allowing the once helmsplitting blow turn diagonal and cut off the puppet's right arm from its elbow.

"Damn it…" The puppet growled as it leapt back just in time to avoid the return swing that was covered in sparks as it ground up against the earth, but once again the master was not quick enough to dodge all the damage as the chest of Hiruko was slashed by a few inches, tearing through the wood and coat fabric there as if they didn't even exist.

It was times like this that Sasori cursed himself for sacrificing Hiruko's mobility in exchange for greater defensive capabilities and a wider range of traps. It served its purpose well against the bulk of enemies, but against those of a higher quality, his favorite puppet was next to useless as his defense and evasion capabilities were nowhere near enough to deal with them. Save for Zetsu, any of the other Akatsuki would have little to no issue at all dealing with his outer shell.

His irritation grew even more as the chest to the armor opened up suddenly, revealing several tubes that fired off several dozen hissing exploding kunai at him point blank.

"This is getting annoying." Sasori growled as his tail shot into action with absurd speed, shooting forward into the chest of the monstrosity while simultaneously whipping around its length to deflect the oncoming explosives. Without even paying attention to the explosions happening uncomfortably close to him and scorching some of his coat, Sasori impaled the armorless core of the metal armor relentlessly, spearing it so hard the giant heavy figure was pushed back a good dozen meters…

But much to his surprise and irritation it did not fall, still standing like an unstoppable monster. Unflinching. Uncaring, and still pushing back.

This must have been what other people felt like when they faced Kisame.

Before Sasori could retract his tail, the armor surprisingly dropped its sword and grabbed it with both of its metal hands. The surprise didn't stop there however as suddenly began to hum and glow electric blue. The chakra strings controlling it, once nearly invisible, were now clearly seen and radiating elemental chakra…

… Leading back to the boy controlling them and his comrades, the poison gas nowhere in sight.

"Raiton! Mattaki Chichi (Lightning style. Complete Loop)!"

The master's eyes widened as he saw the lightning chakra rapidly travel down his tail and swore before quickly disconnecting it midway before the attacked got any further.

His eyes narrowed in the momentary lull between the boy realizing the attack failed and pressing on forward, leaving the massive sword behind to save time. Now that he paid careful attention to the boy, he could see that the chakra strings he used were still visible and appeared to be different from the standard variety.

" _He uses lightning chakra to accelerate the puppet's movements, probably by powering some sort of inertia device in all of the joints to make it move easier without using much power. Probably a flywheel or gyroscope type of mechanism… and in addition to that he can channel his element into his puppet and have it serve as the medium for his jutsu. Brilliant. Even my human puppets are limited to the jutsu that they performed during life and the standard traps I install in them. This boy… he has potential…"_

Very briefly he glanced towards his other two opponents who so far had seemed to do nothing, more specifically the boy from Konoha that seemed to be looking at him with a critical eye. _"However… I do not think he was the one that dealt with my poison gas…"_

"… _First things first though…"_

Deciding that he had had enough, Sasori decided to end the little fight and get back to business. Darting out his tipless tail, the Akatsuki hammered the left knee of the charging armor, causing it to collapse on the ground halfway between the two groups.

"A puppet's only as strong as its weakest joint." The elder stated in a sickeningly amused tone with his left arm pointed forward… just before said warped arm shot off like a rocket. "Die."

Kankuro however had different plans as his entire body reacted quickly to the new trap, body and arms moving as fast as possible. "Like hell!"

Using its arms as leverage, the giant armor turned far faster than something that size should have been allowed to move and whipped out its right arm in the direction of the moving projectile… summoning it's previously dropped sword back to its hand and hammering the missile away into an empty warehouse where it detonated and speared everything inside.

"You're starting to annoy me boy." Sasori growled, momentarily looking up to see that Deidara had at some point abandoned his C2 Dragon for his faster and more maneuverable C1 flying models again, but using the former to provide cover fire from the dozens of tower like sand limbs trying to crush him. At this rate, the blonde fool would get frustrated soon, forget about the mission, and just nuke the village and the target to spite everyone. "I don't like being stalled."

"Tell me something I don't know you ungrateful brat!" Chiyo snapped as she whipped out a dozen kunai from her sleeves and shot them at her grandson using only chakra.

Sasori didn't even bother to verbally respond as he moved his tail in a majority of the blade's way, only suffering a few glancing blows that merely cut his robes to the point that they fell off. He could worry about his wardrobe later. The boy's puppet, as fascinating as it was, took priority.

Commanding Hiruko to open its mouth again and fire off volleys of senbon, Sasori got to work activating the customized seals on the puppet's shoulders, instantly replacing its broken or discarded limbs with spares. It wasn't like this was the first time his puppets had lost parts in battle after all. Only this time, BOTH arms were rigged. The attacker barely paid attention to the fact that the three had done the same thing the last time he did this, with the boy holding up his puppet's sword in the way, his grandmother dodging and the third boy using some sort of shadow shield…

"Let's see if they can handle this…" He muttered darkly as he held out both arms and pointed them to either side of the group before firing them off while still attacking from the front. A three sided attack would kill at least one of them and make things easier from there. Given from how they acted, the puppet wielding boy was their heavy hitter, while the other two were support. So long as he was out of the way, Hiruko was in no danger of being destroyed…

He almost grinned as he saw their faces when they realized what he was doing just a moment before he fired off his arms.

The chaos that ensued in the following few seconds was so intense that Sasori himself couldn't see what had truly happened. The debris kicked up by the hundreds if not thousands of pieces of metal flying in front of him could only give him glimpses of what occurred, but at the very least two of them should have been at least scratched by now. The shadow boy might be save if his defense covered all his sides, but the other boy and the hag had no proper way to defend against such and onslaught…

Or at least that was what he thought SHOULD have happened as he saw the giant armor in front of him turned around quickly and used its good leg to launch itself in the air at him with its sword raised.

The moment the thing had begun to move, Sasori had attempted to move to the side, but two things were making that difficult. The first was the lack of arms to improve his mobility, the second was that Hiruko wouldn't move its body.

"What?!" The master cursed as he attempted to move his still functional tail to attempt to deflect the oncoming blow… until that stopped prematurely against his will as well. "Damn it!"

The sound of the giant blade crashing through Hiruko's body and hard shell was a symphony of destructive noises to everyone's ears as the giant armor landed with violent discrimination. Despite the fact that it wielded a sword, the weapon was more geared for crushing heavy defenses with pure force, which was why the target had been smashed to pieces rather than slashed in half with the blow.

"Honestly… that was more troublesome than I thought." Shikamaru sighed as his shadow barrier faded away and he retracted the long thin and unnoticed tendril that had been connected to his opponent since he found him.

"You barely did anything you lazy shit!" Kankuro snapped as he stepped out of his customized Salamander puppet's defenses. "I almost didn't manage to get Sanshou out in time!"

"You boys are horrible. All three of you." Chiyo snorted as the Mother and Father puppets to her sides turned off their chakra shields. "No respect for women or your elders at all."

The three teammates warily looked at the remains of Hiruko lay crushed, and were not surprised as a shrouded figure leapt from the remains back a small distance and landed cleanly… Before standing up and revealing a young teenaged redhead smiling at them almost lazily.

"I see." Sasori mused as he looked at the remains of his puppet. "You were leading me on the entire time. The armored puppet was indeed the muscle, but Chiyo-baa's attack was designed to stick her chakra strings to my tail while the Naara pinned me down, ensuring that I was helpless when the final blow was made. I was so focused on this new piece that I didn't bother to notice either until it was too late." He looked at Kankuro. "Boy. What is your name?"

The Kazekage's brother frowned. "It's Kankuro." He pointed behind him to Gaara and Temari fighting. "And the guy your idiot partner is fighting is my brother."

"Ah. So you must be Kankuro of the black sand." Sasori of the Red Sand mused. He eyed the teen's method of defense curiously. "I see you possess some of my earlier works as well and have made modifications. You have potential."

The teen frowned. "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm far from flattered at the moment. Being praised by a traitor and the guy trying to kill my brother isn't exactly giving me a warm fuzzy feeling."

The redhead snorted. "Traitor. This farce of a village did nothing but hold me and my work back, worse, they tried to destroy it. To someone whose life is their craft that was unacceptable. In time you too will see this." He looked at his grandmother. "Mother and Father. I see you've made some modifications to them since the last time I played with them."

"You were so sloppy Sasori. Leaving such good toys on the ground. What kind of grandmother would I be if I didn't fix them up for you when you finally returned to visit?" The wry old woman smirked knowingly.

"I see." The Akatuki smirked as a scroll made its way to his hand from his sleeve and slowly began to unroll it. "Today truly does seem like one for reunions and meetings. I guess it's only proper that I bring this one out as well."

In a puff of smoke, a new mechanical humanoid figure appeared next to Sasori. Long ratty shoulder lengthed hair. Sharp teeth. A dirty shroud. And a very familiar face…

"Won't the people of Suna be so happy to know that their beloved Sandaime Kazekage has returned?"

o. o. o.

Omake:

What Shadow was doing while this was all happening:

Dancing down the street, Shadow Oogakari was singing loudly to herself and using only a tiny bit of her presence so that people around her were feeling uncomfortable.

And then she began to sing.

"When the Devil is too busy  
And Death's a bit too much  
They call on me by name you see  
For my special touch.  
To the gentlemen I'm Misfortune  
To the ladies, I'm surprise  
But call me by any name  
Any way it's all the same…

I'm the fly in your soup.  
I'm the pebble in your shoe.  
I'm the pea beneath your bed.  
I'm a bump on every head.  
I'm the peel on which you slip.  
I'm a pin in every hip.  
I'm the thorn in your side.  
Makes you wriggle and writhe."

It should be noted that at the moment, Shadow was singing loudly, in a shady part of town, it was roughly four thirty in the morning, using her presence, and for good measure she had made the world a lot darker, her eyes were glowing ice blue, and her teeth were like Crypts, sharp as hell and glowing white.

"And it's so easy when you're e-vil.  
This is the life, you see.  
The Devil tips his hat to me.  
I do it all because I'm e-vil.  
And I do it all for free.  
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need."

Shadow had nearly gone through the song three times in various parts of the village before the ANBU finally found her, tried to get her to stop, failed (miserably), tried to get Waltz to help out, came back to see that Crypt had joined in, then spent the rest of the morning cleaning up all the craters and human shaped holes in the area.

o. o. o.

A/N:

And I stalled posting for the e-vilz…

No wait. I'm just lazy. Damn.

For anyone that wants a good idea what Kankuro's new puppet looks like, just picture the Knight monster that was in the White trailer for RWBY… except slightly bigger.

So yeah, after roughly three months the first real chapter comes up and it has everything. Action. Comedy! Evils! Epics! Worship me damn it!

So yeah. On to other news. I'm in the process of buying a condo! Yay! And it's the cheapest two bedroom in town! Like STUPID cheap! Yay! And it's an 11th floor penthouse in great condition with access to a pool, a gym, across the street from the bus stop, walking distance to the mall and the train station, and it's in a good part of the neighborhood! Yay! And I'm renting it out to earn money and still staying in my parent's home because I'm a cheap bastard! Yay… I think!

But seriously. For anyone who hasn't gone through the process yet. Getting a mortgage is an utter pain in the ass. So much paperwork and managing… ugh. Thank god my folks are there to help me out with this. They really know what they're doing.

And before anyone asks, I'm buying this thing. No, this isn't a gift or anything from my folks. The only money being used for this thing is the stuff I got from working.

Not bad for a guy turning 24 this year eh?

But yeah, with grad school and work and buying the place, I've been pretty swamped lately, which is part of the reason why I haven't been able to pump out chapters like I used to. Still, I like to believe my ability to bring out awesome and hilarious in the same chapters all the damn time is still unmarred in the slightest.

Uh… so let's see… That's all I have right now. Thanks for the support and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Review! Worship the log! Gaara now has teh fuzzies! And REVIEW AGAIN!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Two: It's rare when the bad guys in a shonen genre story actually try to step their game up early in the conflict. That's because when they do, they tend to become seinin genre… and significantly more awesome. All hail the awesome, for most of its characters aren't idiots.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With Deidara:

As powerful as his C2 Dragon was, Deidara instantly knew he was outgunned the moment the desert sand erupted from all sides of the hidden village to murder him in an unkind fashion.

"Gonna need something faster to stay away from all that. Mm." Quickly molding more clay in one of his hands, the artist of explosions manifested a new mount in the shape of a falcon. No sooner had he managed to get onto his new ride did he have to move in order to avoid the half a dozen tendrils of coarse grains from spearing him or crushing him or whatever it was they were going to do. Off to his side, the bomber noted that the smaller streams of sand did little to impede his significantly larger dragon from breaking out of their web.

Putting his bigger creation into semiautonomous mode, firing off its massive bombs on occasion to provide support, Deidara focused on evasion.

Up. Down. Spiral. Quick stop before shifting to the side and then dive. The assault of the desert in the sky was relentless.

"Someone's cranky." The bomber grinned as his dragon blew up another one of the larger tendrils that looked like a giant claw. _The ones that have definite form are stronger and act as branches and distributors for more appendages, but they can be disrupted by a large enough explosion. The smaller ones don't have the power, but they can act on their own and are more agile and reform faster too. One covers for the other's weakness'. It'll be hard to get any of my art near him let alone hit…_

Taking his hands out of his pouches while narrowly dodging another stream of sand, the missing-nin unleashed half a dozen standard flying birds around him and sent them at his target while dodging any obstacles in their way. It was another beautiful aspect of his art that was rarely appreciated by the masses. The fact that he could control them manually, or give them commands of simple to moderate complexity to follow that they could carry with frightening ease made his method of attack frighteningly efficient at times.

Unfortunately his idea to serve as a decoy while his birds closed the gap did not work as well as he had planned. While four of the six bombs did manage to make a good way towards the jinchuriki in one piece, they still failed marvelously as the target's sister, wounded but still capable of ninjutsu, tore the rest of them apart in a blast of wind.

"Tch. So the girl's not out of this yet?" The fellow blond grumbled as he took to higher elevations where there was less sand to deal with, followed somewhat slowly by his dragon which had some chunks taken out of its wings by this point. Deciding to up his game, Deidara forced his supporting mount to make and fire off four mini dragon bombs at once, reducing its worm like tail to a little less than half of its original length by this point. Despite the smaller numbers, each dragon was still vastly stronger, faster, and tougher than his C1 bombs. He should be able to get something useful from this…

Pointless. While only one of the projectiles failed to get even remotely close to their targets, the remaining three were still torn apart by the half dead female support. The remains of the once dragons exploded moments later at a distance that did nothing but give the spectators something to look at.

"How annoying. I can't even examine the Jinchuriki's so called "ultimate defense" like this. To take out the girl is to take out the target at this range. Things will go against me if this keeps up. Mm." Higher and higher he climbed, just barely avoiding the faster strands of sand after his life in the process to the point that he was almost at the same height as the clouds.

Well then. If C1 and C2 can't get through their combo C3 will have to do the job.

Leveling himself out as the bulk of the enemy's sand had refrained from following him, Deidara allowed himself to sigh in relief for the break and took out his most destructive piece of work that he had prepared beforehand. His previous works were powerful, but one couldn't be too careful when dealing with a Biju after all.

Looking down back at the earth, the blond man saw his target clearly with the scope on his left eye staring back at him directly with inhuman focus. While the air between them was littered with random flying grains of sand, altering the color of what he saw, it did little to impair the image below. The red headed teen was crossing his arms and had an interesting appearance with his skin covered in dark blue markings and an almost scaled like tail coming from his rear.

"Looks like you have more control over your beast than they said." The bomber smirked as he tossed his latest work in front of him and triggered its transformation, causing it to grow till it was the size of a small building and unleash its two warped angel like wings. "Even so, I doubt it's enough to deal with my strongest art so easily."

His C3 bomb was his most destructive work of art as its size could easily prove as evidence, and easily capable of destroying at least a good portion of the hidden village below. It was an exceptionally powerful explosive whose image would be burned into the minds and eyes of all who saw it before, during, and if they were lucky, after it exploded. Such a marvelous and grand piece could not be disregarded by anyone or simply blown away. The smaller streams of sand that had constantly harassed him throughout the fight were all but useless to stop its decent, and the larger limbs of coarse material were far too slow to intercept it before it was in range to do considerable damage.

The Kazekage seemed to be well aware of it as the moment he saw the bomb he uncrossed his arms and thrust them up, causing a massive pillar of sand to erupt from the village right to the white bringer of death.

A little over a thousand feet in the air the two forces collided without restraint, instantly setting off the shinobi equivalent of a nuke in the sky and blinding everyone watching. Instants later the resulting shockwave hammered everyone in the vicinity, shattering windows, and blowing away those unfortunate enough to be too close to the point of detonation.

Among all the techniques created by shinobi over the years exceptionally few would ever possess such raw destructive power, especially from a single individual unaided by a biju.

Despite this though, the damage done overall had been surprisingly superficial.

It had been the flaw of Deidara's retreat to such a high elevation. While it did give him the time to prepare such a devastating attack in the first place, it also enabled Gaara to prepare an adequate counter, which in itself had been simple. The faster he could set off the bomb in the sky, the less damage the village would take overall and the less of a need to create a massive chakra draining shield.

However Deidara was well aware of this possibility. He had been counting on it after all.

"Not bad…" The bomber smirked as he made the half ram seal. "Now let's finally see how good your defense is as good as everyone says."

Through the tremendous amount of dust and debris that was kicked up from the explosion, several pale birds emerged, diving towards the Kazekage and his sister from various angles and sides, all but ensuring that they could not all be taken out by Temari's ninjutsu before they reached their marks. In fact, by the time the partially blinded pair had finally noticed that they were being attacked, it was far too late for the girl to do anything.

But it was more than enough time for Gaara's personal stash of sand to react.

Far faster than what it could do in the previous timeline or even earlier in this one, the blood soaked sand erupted from the redhead's gourd on his back and shielded both its owner and his sibling in a shell of near impenetrable stone. One by one the bombs rapidly impacted the shield with no effect whatsoever until all of the suicide avian had performed their duty with virtually nothing to show for it at all…

And then the C2 Dragon fell from the sky like corrupted omen and collided with the shell, exploding with enough power to stun everyone in the area.

Lowing in elevation slowly, Deidara smirked in accomplishment. It had taken more of his resources than he had liked, but he finally got a good blow in and got some info on his target's abilities.

When he dropped his C3, there had been a significant drop in all of the other sand's movements, meaning that there was a certain amount of concentration needed to get them to do much, either that or there was a certain range that he could control the small stones efficiently. He had guessed as much when he climbed up higher and noted the reduction in how often he was attacked until even the faster sand left him alone. With the cover that his C3 had given him, he had gone on the offensive and probe some more.

The salvo of C1 bombs were to see just how fast the Kazekage's defense was and if he was lucky, take out the sister. Having known that the teen normally had a layer of sand on his skin at all times as a secondary defense, the bomber was confident that the attack wouldn't kill his target. They were also used to see how well the other masses of sand would react should its master be assaulted by a sudden unknown force inside their range. Much to the bomber's interest, he noted that they did little if anything.

Setting off his C2 dragon on the other hand was a bit more risky as he could accidentally kill his target by doing so and it took away his heavy support, but he needed to keep his attack ongoing and hard. Besides, the kid was a Kazekage with a biju in him. The least his supposed "Ultimate Defense" could do was enable him to survive an attack like that.

_The sand that protected him was apparently special. It all came from that gourd on his back. Odds are it's at least stronger than the stuff attacking me. Probably faster too, but he saves it for defending. Not that it did him much good in the end…_

Feeling confident that he at least managed to get some damage in, the Akatsuki increased his decent, ignoring all the dust and grit that had been kicked up into the air from his series of massively destructive techniques. Much to his anticipation, none of the massive limbs of sand in the air collapsed, meaning that his target was indeed still alive and conscious, but unmoving meaning that something had interrupted his concentration.

"He's tough. I'll give him that much." Deidara mused as he got close enough to see Gaara's and Temari's wounded figures in the shattered dome of sand, the latter being unconscious or dead and the former panting heavily and looking up at him with anger.

"I… will not let you win." The teen panted with frustration as he picked himself up with effort. Stretching his arm out, the Kazekage commanded the nearest giant limb towards his enemy, attempting to crush him in its twisted grasp…

… Only for it to fall apart as a mini dragon bomb dove from the sky and detonate on it.

"You didn't think I wouldn't make myself some spare support bombs before I used my C2 on you did you?" The terrorist snorted as he made the half ram seal and two more dragons charged from the heavens towards the jinchuriki…

… And were subsequently smashed to bits as the dozens of streams of sand that had been lingering in the air moved at once and assaulted them before they could even come close.

The previously strained looking Kazekage's color suddenly turned to dirt brown and collapsed into sand along with his sister. Moments later the platform and the shattered shell itself seemed to reform and move, revealing a perfectly unmarred shell of sand underneath that opened up to reveal the unharmed jinchuriki and the still fairly injured Temari.

"No. I didn't."

"Shit." Deidara swore as he realized he had been tricked. Apparently the Kazekage's defense was as strong as rumors said. He didn't see a hint of a scratch on the boy. Due to his aerial view, he didn't see the real unharmed shell hidden under the fake one until it was too late.

Flapping the wings of his bird hard, Deidara focused completely on evasion and narrowly managed to prevent half a dozen streams of sand from impaling him. A brief look up all but showed him that he would be hard pressed to retreat in the same way again as more than several tons of sand had manifested themselves above him without his knowing.

Left. Right. Dive. Spiral. Fake climb before shuffling to the right. The bomber was put completely on the defensive. Each dodge was more harrowing than the last. Each attack was getting faster. His mount had been torn to some degree at least half a dozen times by now. It was if the Kazekage had been playing with him the entire time and was now making his sand attack at higher speeds than before…

"Wait…" The blonde's eyes narrowed in confusion before it widened in realization and looked around at the dust saturated air. "Cunning little bastard. He set me up."

Gazing down upon his person and his mount, Deidara finally saw the grains of sand that had stuck onto his clothing and his mount, coating them in a faint brown dust that was barely noticeable unless one actually looked at himself…

And gradually slowing down their movements the more they flew in the airspace above Suna.

Barely dodging another faster small stream of sand that cut into his mount's underside, the Akatuski clicked his teeth in irritation. "This is getting annoying. I can't get a break against this guy. Mmm." He turned his attention to Gaara and put his hands in his pouches. "I guess it's time to change tactics… what the?!"

Before the terrorist could do anything to react, his entire body was ripped off of his mount by the sand that had stuck to his clothing over time, leaving him helpless in the air without support as rivers of sand collided into him from angles with crushing force. Not stopping there, the streams of stone then wrapped upon themselves at that focal point countless times forming a giant ball several meters in diameter… and instantly condensed upon itself.

Only to explode moments later.

"Behind!" Temari shouted sternly as she swung her fan to blow away and tear apart the sand covered mount that had been abandoned earlier. As like the other explosives that she had deflected, this bird too was blown away without much issue. "That fucking coward! Where is he?!"

Gaara didn't say anything as he focused on the sand under his control. Having used Naruto's Seventh Sense as inspiration, he had developed a similar sensory technique using the sand he was currently using, albeit he could only use it for short periods of time unlike the perpetual cloud of chakra that his friend possessed. As such it only took him moments to discover his target moving for one of the last places he would expect.

The village below.

"Close." Deidara sighed as he flew on yet another clay bird to the village below. It had been a risky move, but he had hidden himself inside his previous mount and used a clay clone by proxy before he went down to pick up the jinchuriki. He had suspected that something was amiss, but not for things to turn against him to that extent. When his clone was ripped off of its mount, Deidara had maneuvered the bird to an angle that no one was looking at and made his escape before using the slower bird to provide a weak suppressive fire.

The Akatsuki couldn't help but shiver lightly as he looked up at the sky, the countless tendrils of sand of varying sizes extending like twisted veins. The target's strength and advantage here was way beyond what had been estimated. It was if the entire world around him had been warped and set to kill him.

And the boy he had been set to capture was its god.

"What a scary monster he is. The power of a biju sure is something. Mm." The bomber grinned as he sped through the now crowded streets of Suna. If this monster really was protecting this place though, he'd be hard pressed to get Deidara without harming the villagers now. Of course there was the risk of being intercepted by one of the shinobi here if they were lucky, but it was better that then dealing with all the countless tendrils coming from all sides in the sky.

And while Gaara was restricted in what he could do inside the village, Deidara had none at all.

o. o. o.

With Sasori:

Sparks flew relentlessly as Sasori's and Chiyo's puppets clashed without pause, birthing a symphony of metal on metal that would not be matched anywhere else regardless of how hard people could try.

Both the puppets and the masters were nothing but blurs as one side tried to outdo the other in their craft of death. Neither side faltered. Neither side blinked. Neither side relented.

Shikamaru swallowed as he watched the spectacle display itself in front of him. He still had trouble believing that the old woman in front of him could move so quickly and so easily, and yet here she was clashing with her grandson with greater results than entire battalions of shinobi before her.

It wasn't that the shadow user didn't pay attention to what Sakura had told him when she recalled her old fight with Sasori. He did of course seeing as it had to do with Akatsuki. It was simply that he had yet to see someone with such a frail and old body perform with such blinding speed and skill. Even the third Hokage held a degree of power in his grandfather like image with his thick tan skin and missable scars on his face and hands.

To his side he noticed Kankuro watching the fight fiercely. It was small wonder really. He was after all watching the two greatest masters of his craft duke it out right in front of him. If the situation wasn't so dire, Shikamaru wouldn't put it past the brother of his girlfriend to start drooling and gush over such a thing happening.

Attempting to intervene at the moment would be suicidal. Chiyo was good, but she wouldn't be able protect him if he intervened now. Her job was to deplete Sasori of as many traps and puppets as possible. The more she got rid of, the less resources Sasori would have, and the less he and Kankuro would have to deal with when they stepped in again.

And both of them needed to be at their best to ensure that they took out the rogue puppeteer before things got out of hand.

"Impressive." Sasori mused as the two sides retreated momentarily to reveal that their weapons had been chipped, shattered, and pretty much wrecked beyond repair. "It seems you haven't let your skills fade with the years I've been gone."

"I'm not croaking till I spank that ungrateful rear of yours across the Land of Wind Sasori." The old woman snorted as her left ring and her right thumbs twitched. In response her Mother and Father puppets dropped their useless weapons and rearmed themselves with identical copies that were apparently hidden inside the cloaks they wore.

"I see. Well then, I will have to disappoint you once again Chiyo-baa." The redhead's left middle and pinkie fingers moved and forced the former Kazekage to thrust out its right arm, its limb breaking open like a flower to reveal seals on the inside. An instant later, countless puppet arms erupted from the limb like a twisted tree branch heading straight towards the old woman with the speed of a cannonball…

"Humph. And they call me senile." The elderly woman snorted as she jumped up into the sky and made her arms blur in motion.

Spiraling in the air alongside their controller, the married puppets clapped their free hands with the other's and separated to reveal thick strong wires linking them together.

By the time the warped branch of wooden limbs and hands reached where the old woman was, they had already missed their target woefully with said target standing near the end. Chiyo's wrinkled feet had barely touched the wood before she had moved again, quickly running up its length while her conjoined puppets wound around the path ahead of her, using the cord between them to tear apart the construct every time they crossed paths.

Sasori clicked his fake teeth in mild irritation. The old woman did make things more difficult for herself by having to jump from destroyed section to section. She also had the foresight to assume that he had rigged the limbs that she was walking on. Because she tore off the sections before she got on them, he couldn't set off the bombs, poison fumes, mechanical hands, or other traps that he had in there in time to catch her.

Deciding to cut his losses, the Akatsuki set off the remaining gas traps in the arm that had not been destroyed by his grandmother. An instant later, he then dislodged his puppet from the construct entirely. Attempting to keep his prized puppet there any longer would have risked it getting attacked in a difficult to defend position.

Much to his ire though, Chiyo did not stop at the lethal thick purple gas cloud that had erupted in front of her and instead charged right through it. Using the Mother's chakra shield to protect her and the Father as a vanguard, the old woman's charge would have been only moderate difficult to stop…

Had he not noticed a black shadow charging towards him from the side…

Jumping up and to the side to stand on the side of the gap of Suna's walls, Sasori still masterfully manipulated the former Kage's counterassault on his Grandmother as she emerged from the other side of the poison cloud while momentarily turning his gaze upon the interloper. The very brief meeting of eyes was enough for both to read one another's thoughts and understand that they would at the least try very hard to be the other's death.

And then the Akatsuki had once again turned to the more immediate threat in the form of an old woman half his size as she jumped to the other side of the pathway's wall armed with his first two puppets.

Quickly triggering some seals to restock his puppet with weapons, the criminal once more clashed with Chiyo. However, this time due to the annoying Nara trying to catch him once again, he was forced to keep on moving up the wall prompting the woman to do the same. Only in this case he commanded his puppet to grab the wall with one hand, attack the Father puppet with the other, and then he used the chakra strings to relocate himself to a more appropriate position higher up before going again on the attack.

It spoke greatly of how skilled the two puppetmasters were as they took their battle straight up the colossal cliff like structure while continuing to hammer one another's puppets without pause. The sparks caused from the clashes illuminated more and more of the passage as they gained elevation, and in turn cast increasingly warped and bizarre shadows along its entire sandstone length.

Sasori on the other hand was merely irritated by the progression of how the fight was going. While his human puppets were quite powerful, the more esoteric abilities they possessed required a degree of concentration in order to use. Their powers were not simple traps and tricks that could be triggered with the twitch of a finger. They were pure chakra based abilities being controlled from an outside source. Even with practice, they required a good deal of chakra and focus to use.

Then again, it wasn't like they would keep on going up forever.

Soon enough, grandmother and grandson had reached the top of the walls of Suna without having managed to land a single blow on one another and landed on either side of the gap they had just come up through…

And moments later the sky went white as Deidara's C3 went off in the heavens, forcing everyone there to focus on staying on the wall lest the aftershock blow them and their puppets away.

"He's annoying, but at least he's reliable enough when it comes to distractions." The younger puppeteer muttered as he took the opening to focus his chakra and make seals. Looking up at the sky briefly, he noted the vein like configuration of sand that had encapsulated the village and the descending pale bird in the distance. Even he had to admit that the jinchuriki appeared to be stronger than anticipated. As much as he disliked Deidara, he hated making people wait more and it was clear that his partner needed help right now. It was the principle of the thing more than anything else at this point. "It was a mistake of the Nara to force us up here Chiyo-baa. We're too far away for him to get in the way now…"

Quickly finishing the seals needed to activate his favorite puppet's abilities, Sasori channeled his chakra with a confident smirk. Now that the iron sand of the third Kazekage was active, he had effectively won. The Iron Sand was a natural counter towards any other puppet user he could encounter, and while Nara in general were crafty, they lacked the power and jutsu to make a difference in this situation.

The old woman in front of him seemed to realize that she was in trouble as she instantly sent her two puppets forward in a pincer formation in an attempt to interrupt her grandson before he could attack.

"Farewell." Sasori twitched his fingers as the metal particles shot out of his puppets mouth and hammered the area where the old woman stood with bullets that shattered the section of the wall she was on…

And yet the redhead still had to retract his prized possession and counter the oncoming Mother and Father puppets, which had not stopped their assault in the slightest.

"Damn old woman just won't die." The Akatsuki grunted as the third Kazekage gathered great amounts of iron sand to both its arms and speared themselves out in two walls of death. The fast counter to the pincer attack proved more than enough to force away the oncoming puppets back to their side of the gap, their mere high quality disposable tools proving to be no match against the chakra infused metal.

Before anything else could be done however, a second large explosion was heard in the distance moments later. While it was nowhere near as potent as the first one, it was strong enough to kick up a strong wind and blast away the dust that had hidden the old woman…

And reveal that her right arm had split into two parts. The first one held her hand and fingers, which seemed to still control the Mother puppet connected to its fingers. The second one was roughly a third of its width and size, and was pointing forward and displaying its built in Chakra Shield.

"Oh?" The younger of the two mused as he ignored the sky above him once more writhe and move as a single entity. "You converted your arm into a puppet's… great minds think alike."

The old woman frowned as the chakra shield in her arm began to malfunction due to the iron sand that interrupted the chakra she sent into it. The part that controlled her puppet on the other hand seemed to work just fine however… probably due to the odd skin like material that covered all the joints. "You always were mouthy when you were confident you got away with something Sasori. Why not just scream to everyone in the village that you messed with your body while you're at it?"

The grandson allowed himself to chuckle briefly in amusement before he began to focus once more. "Because it's pointless. Anyone who fights me here will die before forcing me to use "myself". Regardless of what they know, it won't help them…" With a twitch of his fingers, the spikes on the third Kazekage's arms shattered and reformed into ryo sized projectiles. Dozens if not hundreds of metal bullets hovered over the puppet. "Much like yourself."

Before the iron could make its way to the old woman however, the entire gap between them spawned a massive black wall, darker than the night sky itself, and blocked the assault with ease.

"Troublesome." A familiar voice sighed as its owner walked from the darkness onto the stone towards the old woman as if taking a leisurely stroll. "You really picked one annoying place to take this fight old lady."

"What does that say about you? Having trouble keeping up with someone my age. Young people today are so lazy. No wonder you're all so dependent on us poor old folks." The grandmother snorted mockingly. "Where's the other lazy good for nothing?"

As if on cue, the ground behind her exploded, revealing Kankuro riding on top of Sanshou. "I don't care what you say, I am NEVER travelling through that guy's shadows ever again. Once was enough thank you very much."

"And you wonder why you get so much flack from everyone." The Nara snorted as the black wall receded until it meshed perfectly with the tops of both parts of the sandstone cliff, exposing Sasori's somewhat annoyed self on the other side and a great deal more black metal than moments earlier. "So that's the hailed iron sand huh?"

"As interested as I am in your abilities, I'm afraid you are more annoying than anything else at this point Nara." Sasori glared as he gave his puppet wings of tainted metal and formed large spikes overhead and launched them at his targets at speeds that instantly broke the sound barrier…

… Only to collide with another barrier of darkness spawning from the darkness and take the oncoming missiles with unnatural ease.

"Annoying huh?" The Black Deer sighed as if talking about the weather, indicating that his latest maneuver didn't drain him of much chakra. "Must be another bad trait I got from that troublesome woman."

"Show off." Kankuro grumbled irritably, but clearly not surprised by his comrade's ability to block Sasori's attack.

"You had your turn." The Nara brushed away Kankuro's jibe like a fly without looking away from Sasori. "Just stay far enough so that the Kazekage's technique can't affect your puppets. The old lady and I'll take care of things for you."

"Is that right?" The puppetman grunted, clearly not appreciating being addressed in such a careless manner. He had been insulted countless times before, obviously, but rarely had he been treated as only a minor threat. If bullets and spears would not pierce the wall of shadows, then he would simply have to try something with more power. Within moments a giant pyramid and block of poisoned iron materialized above him while large claws of the same material reformed on its creator. "Well then by all means, go right ahead."

The block came first, moving faster than anything that size should have a right to and hammered the area where the three shinobi were standing, shattering the ramparts in the process. Sasori did not give the destruction or the lack of a barrier this time a moment's notice however, as his arms and fingers were already blurring in motion, commanding his puppet to attack and counter the Mother and Father automations that had yet to stop moving.

"What is that old bat thinking?" Sasori mused as the two forces clashed with blinding speed in mid air, ignorant of the parts of the cliff falling hundreds of feet to the ground. Soon enough he could feel the iron sand under his control begin to invade the opponent's tools. "She knows what I can do… ah, I see."

Without looking, the Akatsuki rushed forward, just barely avoiding being caught by the long shadow tendrils behind him that had formed from a line that spanned the area behind him. Without letting up on his assault, Sasori continued on straight towards the gap and launched the pyramid forward. If it hit anyone, good. If it didn't, it would simply strike the block and kill everyone nearby anyways.

What he didn't expect as for a giant black buck's head to rear from the accursed gap and knock it away with its massive horns. As if that wasn't the end of it, the horns themselves then began shoot out like tendrils and attempted to spear both the former Kazekage and its controller.

Grunting in irritation, Sasori moved both himself and his prized tool expertly through the oncoming jungle of shadows, jumping on each protrusion in order to avoid the next dozen. As if reading its controller's mind, the Kazekage puppet's chest opened up to reveal a device that suddenly poured out waves of chakra, and moments later a floating platform of iron not unlike the one Gaara used manifested underneath Sasori's feet. "I've had enough of this."

The two massive iron shapes in the area shot up into the sky above the deer head and collided with one another with tremendous force.

"Satsetsu Kaihou (Iron Sand World Method)." The puppeteer activated the technique with a gleam of murderous satisfaction in his fake eyes. Where the blocks collided, giant branches of metal speared out in all directions violently and indiscriminately. Even the giant black horn spears of the black and white deer head were penetrated with unnatural ease as the orb of protrusions continued outward without stop.

… Or at least until the darkness in the cliffs began to move once more.

"Furuijutsu. Ko Sekai Kiritsu (Ancient Art: Old World Order)."

o. o. o.

Despite the terrible position he was in, Deidara couldn't help but laugh like a child in a candy store as he tore through the streets of Suna, unloading countless numbers of his tiny grasshopper like bombs throughout the city without restraint. He was enjoying himself so much that he had almost forgotten that several dozen streams of sand were after his blood and he had to focus to avoid the giant pillars of stone that occasionally shot up from the streets to stop him.

The rush. The thrill. The chase. It was almost as if he was back in Iwa again running from the old fart Onoki. How long had it been since he simply just cut loose and tried to unleash as many bombs as possible instead of being precise? True the minor bombs were really just to distract the local populace so they don't get in the way, but still it was the little things that made a person's day sometimes… metaphorically speaking.

Several large balls of sand flew in front of him and exploded into giant clouds that blocked his path. Knowing that he was unable to get away in time, the Akatsuki sunk into his bird just as it tore through the cloud and was shredded apart by the course materials. Just as the remains shot out the other side where more sand laid in waiting, Deidara jumped out of the useless creation, created a new mount, switched to it, and managed to get out of immediate danger just as his previous ride was crushed and subsequently exploded.

"Oi oi! Come on! Tell me you can do better than that!" The bomber laughed loudly as he weaved away to avoid another fast moving tendril of sand.

 _This isn't good. I can't get to him like this._ He thought to himself. _I have a little over half my chakra left, but I don't have any time to prepare anything decent like this. Getting away in this situation will be tough, let alone catching this guy alive…_

A quick pulse of chakra set off a good number of the bombs he let lose in the city, causing a good deal of screaming to be heard. That would be enough to force a good part of the local forces to be on medic duty and damage control.

_It would be convenient if I could hold the village hostage, he is the Kazekage after all… how to buy enough time to pull it off is the real trick…_

Turning to the side to barely pass through two more pillars, Deidara formulated a plan. It would all but wipe out his chakra reserves, but the way things were going now it wasn't like he had much else that could work. Judging from the glares of death his target was giving, he didn't have much time left before something overboard might be used on him.

Constantly chewing and molding his clay with both his hands, the bomber was constantly at work either spawning large numbers of small bombs or making more mounts as they were constantly being torn apart by the attacking sand or the few locals that managed to get a lucky shot off of him. Bomb after bomb went off in the city until it was more than clear that regardless of who won there would be a great deal of repairs to be done.

Again and again Deidara managed to avoid capture by the skin of his teeth with the aid of his absurd jutsu while terrorizing the local populace, going through the village several times before the local populace's interference grew too much and he finally once more took to the sand infested skies where he focused completely on avoiding the megatons of sand that lay in waiting there…

He didn't even last two minutes before he was assaulted by all sides and crushed…

Only this time when the mount exploded, there was no body…

A massive commotion down in the village caught everyone's attention in time for them to see a massive clay blob grow and crush one of the buildings in the village, gaining size and definition until it was apparent to be a giant copy of the intruder himself. Moments later, another pale bird flew into the air above the bomb with its creator standing confidently on it.

"Fuck!" Temari swore, instantly understanding what had happened. While the man had been running through the village and making chaos, he had at some point replaced himself with a clone and escaped into the smoke, giving him enough time to make this new monstrosity. Worse yet was that it was right on top of the village, threatening pretty much everyone below with its very existence.

Gaara on the other hand merely growled murderously, causing the air and the sand all over to ripple with his killing intent and presence. He knew very well what this bomb was and what it could do… and unfortunately he also knew that it was one of two techniques Deidara could use that Gaara could not stop from harming others. He had been hoping to either drive off or kill the blond man before he would even consider using this weapon, however it seems he failed miserably. The Akatsuki was far more cunning and slippery than he had remembered, and that was saying a lot.

"Judging by the killing intent you're giving off, you already know what comes next." The youngest member of Akatsuki grinned confidently as he flew casually to his target. "Give up now, or you'll be the Kazekage of a village of corpses."

"Gaara! Don't even consider it!" Temari shouted at her brother.

"Shut up girl. You have no say in the matter." The male blond snapped, panting a bit. Clearly this latest creation took a good bit of chakra out of him. "You should be honored that I am using my C4 for the first time here! I was saving this beauty for a special occasion… although showing everyone the magnificence of my greatest art in a hidden village is rather tempting… the hidden village with no shinobi. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it?"

"I will make you Shukaku's toy to play with and scream until the end of time if you harm anymore of my people." The redhead's eyes flashed yellow momentarily and the sand everywhere twitched.

"Careful." Deidara grinned with two fingers extended in front of his face. "Using words like that can make me awfully twitchy. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I want to see my masterpiece waste this village to show the world my greatness. Better make your decision soon jinchuriki. Whenever I'm this close to achieving new works of art, I get excited."

"Gaara. Please. You're more to us than just Shukaku. You're our Kazekage." Temari winced as her wounds began to act up. "The people love you."

" _ **Fuck the masses and kill the little shit already!"**_ Shukaku roared irritably, still on a battle high and eager for blood.

The Kazekage didn't say anything as his eyes jumped between the large clouds of smoke that rose from his city where earlier bombs had gone off, to the massive battle of twisted black figures on the wall, to the bomb in the form of the bomber to the creator itself… back to the village.

"Temari… it's because I'm the Kazekage that I…"

A gentle breeze of wind pushed against his back, causing him to stop in mid sentence.

"… _You have no distractions."_

"Oi! What's it gonna be ya sand rat?! You or the cannon fodder?!" Deidara shouted somewhat annoyed. While he wasn't as bad as Sasori, the man was a bit on the impatient side when he was forced to wait on something simple.

He was not however, expecting his target to start laughing though.

"G-Gaara?" Temari momentarily backed up as she heard her brother laugh with his head bowed…

Gaara had not laughed with all his might since he was younger… and insane.

"Heh. Hehehahahahaha…" The dry chuckle emerged from the redhead's mouth as if hearing a funny joke after not talking or drinking for a week.

A second later his head rose up to reveal his eyes with the cross shaped pupils and dots that were found in his tenant's head.

"Die."

Whatever feelings the people of Suna had associated with their Kazekage or the biju within him had instantly redefined them tenfold as the desert was flooded with flooded with Gaara's presence. There was no sky. There was no land. There were no people. There was no hidden village. There was only the desert truly coming to life, rising like a reverse waterfall to crush anything in its path like the force of nature it was.

Despite all logic that should have said that there was only a set amount of sand in the village to keep things clean, Gaara somehow managed to double the amount available to him from just inside the village. Wave after wave of miniscule stones manifested from the unseen alleyways between buildings and flew towards the human shaped bomb with discrimination much to its creator's shock.

"What the hell?!" The Akatsuki swore in surprise as he barely managed to get out of the way of the oncoming assault. It wasn't that he was disappointed that he didn't have to set off his bomb… actually he was contemplating doing it anyways after ensuring that the Kazekage was knocked out. No what he was shocked at was the drastic increase in ferocity that his target was going after him with and the overwhelming unnatural feeling he was getting in the process.

He hadn't experienced something as messed up as this since he got caught in one of Itachi's stronger genjutsu… or when he first saw Pain in action…

That was it. There was no way he could capture the target like this. Either Sasori got off his artificial ass to help, Pain would have to get Itachi and Kisame to get the brat, or they'd try again when the runt wasn't in the middle of his damn element. Even the old fart Onoki wouldn't be this much of a pain to fight in the middle of his home turf. "Fine! If that's the way you want to play it then that's how we're going to play! Enjoy being the leader of a dead village! Katsu!"

The humanoid bomb, still somehow unruptured from the unrelenting assault instantly began to swell to massive proportions before one spear of stone too many caused it to pop and fall apart.

Deidara however was not paying attention to his bomb as he frantically attempted to flee from the assaulting claws and streams of sand from all sides, rushing towards Sasori as fast as he could. Despite his best efforts, he was frequently being forced to change rides every few seconds due to the sheer amount of oppressive force he was encountering.

Every wall he encountered required a handmade mini dragon bomb in order to open up. A cloud of sand required him to hide in his mount then jump out of as soon as he made it out the other side and make a new bird. Assaulting claws and streams could be dodged for the most part, but if he encountered too many he would either have to use more bombs to destroy the attacking limbs or once more make a new ride. The man would have sworn that he had jumped half the distance to the edge of Suna if he had the breath to say anything at the moment.

The speed at which Deidara was producing his sculptures was only matched by the rate at which he was being attacked by the desert. One could almost say that the display between the predator and the prey at that moment was not unlike a work of art in itself when it came to how fast the two sides moved…

"I think I might have pissed this guy off a bit too much. Mmm." The youngest member of Akatsuki chuckled weakly as he attempted to regain his breath and sped towards Sasori. Between making his C4 and his frantic attempts to stay alive, he was far lower on chakra than he would have liked…

A flash of light coming from where Sasori was caught the blonde's attention and caused him to frown. "Oi oi. Don't tell me you're in trouble too Sasori-danna. If you actually need help getting out of here you're gonna be shit out of luck…"

o. o. o.

Whatever Sasori had been expecting when he had been told to go to Suna, this was certainly not been it.

Spike for spike. Bullet for bullet. Blade for blade. Whatever his prized puppet had formed out of enhanced and poisoned iron sand was being countered almost perfectly by the black substance under the Nara's control, spawning from that infernal gap in the cliffs…

… Or what was left of the gap anyways. By this point, the once narrow slit in the massive wall was more like a gaping hole with a small narrow gap in the bottom. This was thanks to his Iron Sand World Method taking out nearly half of the stone around it and opening up a part of the normal sand ramparts the junchuriki had made earlier.

Since then however, the Akatsuki had been busy attempting to hold back the Nara's increasingly annoying technique, which produced what appeared to be solid shadows preventing his iron sand from getting closer to him…

… And an army of pitch black bucks with white eyes and markings the size of small dogs that were constantly running up his iron sand, jumping all over the place like fleas, or shooting the tips of their antlers at him.

"As if I didn't need any more evidence that he's the Black Deer of Konoha." The Puppetmaster growled from his perch, adjusting the iron sand around him to protect him from another slew of shadow bullets. The most annoying part about the things was the fact that they were a lot like Deidara's grasshopper bombs. They were tiny and kept on jumping everywhere. If he had the time to focus, he could easily have sprayed them with a few hundred iron senbon or crush them from the outside in much like Shukaku's previous containers…

But he had to also focus on his damn grandmother who was busy doing a wonderful job distracting him with his old tools and running interference, causing him to move his platform rather frequently in order to avoid getting hit. Due to his attention being split he was having trouble hitting them with any of his own sand as she was protected by the shadow wall and thus allowing her to move her puppets anywhere she pleased.

Retreating was unthinkable, and moving forward would just make him get in the way of his own attacks…

"This is why I hate humans." The Puppet grumbled as a few twitches of his fingers made his puppet drop several large round balls just before he attempted in futility to arc his iron spikes around the black wall, only for the wall to curve with the spikes and deny him. "They just don't give up even with their flaws… how annoying."

The bombs of lethal gas erupted, emitting a purple haze everywhere in the battlefield that would no doubt kill anyone who breathed it in. Sasori of course was immune to it due to not having lungs, but that was the point. None of his opponents would ever assume that he'd do something like this. Unless one them was unusually proficient in wind ninjutsu, he highly doubted that all of them would be able to escape…

Which is why he was mildly shocked when a gust of what could only be described as black air erupted from below and blew away virtually all of the gas in an instant.

"… He can manifest gas from his shadows as well as solids and create a fabricated wind? That's certainly a versatile jutsu he has…" The Akatsuki mused in curiosity and minor anger as he was momentarily distracted by the black dots flying up in his line of sight. "… So that's how he dealt with my poison earlier."

His gaze then turned to the deer that seemed to plague him and noticed that several were beginning to fade out of sight by themselves. "It seems as if that it drains his chakra rather quickly though. Pity."

Knowing now that the Nara would lose a battle of attrition, Sasori revitalized his assault on the other side of the wall, firing off spears and massive geometric shapes in the direction that the old woman and the brother of the current Kazekage stood. The assault hammered the massive black wall with horrifying force that echoed for miles around and would have gained everyone in Suna's attention had they not been focused on the explosions happening IN their village at the same time.

Little by little Sasori began to see progress as the black wall began to give way and he was forced to dodge the assaulting mini deer with less frequency.

Soon. Very soon he would kill these three and get back to his main job. He would take their bodies as well. The Nara's jutsu was useful and he had no doubt that the two other puppeteers there would have souvenirs that would provide useful for his research.

In a massive spray of iron grains, he finally took out the Mother and Father puppets with satisfaction, watching for longer than was needed to see them freeze with their remaining intact joints jam and render them useless.

Another large black pyramid was the final straw that shattered the unnaturally powerful barrier, forcing it to disintegrate into oblivion once penetrated and revealing the unnerved and virtually defenseless Kankuro, Shikamaru, and Chiyo.

"You put up a good fight I'll give you that much." Sasori stated evenly as he pulled back his puppet and formed thousands of metal bullets above and around his targets. "However I've run out of patience…"

Not bothering to hold back this time, the iron bullets instantly went from zero to Mach 3 in an instant, utterly shattering yet even more of the ramparts that surrounded the village and causing more boulders to collide with the buildings below.

Not taking anything for granted, the iron sand there then spiraled to create an artificial wind to blow away all the dust and debris… to reveal the broken and beaten bodies of his targets among the rubble… or at least the puppets that were disguised as them…

Moments later he froze as an unnaturally oppressive feeling echoed everywhere there was sand, as if the desert itself had just become extraordinarily enraged for the first time in millennia. Such sensations he had not experienced the like of since Pain of all people…

It was then however… that Sasori realized that he really couldn't move.

"Got him."

A thread thin black shadow that had connected to the bottom of Sasori's floating platform to the wall below widened in an instant and yanked both the surprised puppeteer and his tool down at remorseless speeds that did not stop when he impacted the cliff.

The puppetman despite not being human still had to overcome his momentary shock as he attempted to get back up. _He can utilize his clan's trademark jutsu through the air at such distances… of course he can. I should have anticipated that when he first started making his shadows move. Regardless, he won't be able to hold me for long. I can still use the Third's Iron Sand to some extent like this, but how did they get behind… ah…_

Sasori realized his mistake. The large shadows that attempted to ensnare him from behind earlier and forced him to the air weren't there for attacking. They were there for moving. Just as the Nara used his shadows to move quickly to the top of the wall, he used them to transfer himself and his comrades behind him later on. The black wall, the deer, the Mother and Father… they had all been just a distraction to occupy his attention and make him ignore the fact that he had not been able to see his actual targets since the fighting began…

When the master had managed to look around to see all three of his targets standing behind him however, the final part of their plan clicked into place…

_So that's why the other one didn't do anything since coming up here._

Kankuro was standing in between Chiyo and Shikamaru and on top of his Salamander puppet making seals. Unlike the previous models however, THIS Salamander was glowing with bluish white energy with its mouth wide open, tail sticking out in line with its body, and lightning arcing around it menacingly. All of its feet and several additional devices latched to its sides were physically anchored to the sandstone beneath it, and every one of the boy's lightning white chakra strings were connected to either side of the mechanical demon.

Clearly, the boy's research into puppetry did not end with that metal knight he had used earlier.

Brilliant. Clearly lethal and about to be used against him, but utterly brilliant.

Still Sasori was not completely helpless as he manipulated the Iron Sand nearby to hastily make a wall between them.

"Raiton: Senkuhou (Lightning Style: Flash Cannon)."

Having used his chakra strings, body, and puppet to create a massive human puppet circuit, Kankuro set off the device in his Salamander. The single twitch in his fingers unleashed all the chakra-electric power he had stored up in his prized puppet made by his target, and fired off the jutsu enhanced railgun he had made inside.

Even with their absurd amounts of experience and superhuman abilities, the only thing that the shinobi there could see in the following instant was a massive bright light emit from the puppets mouth with a deafening bang. This was followed by the instantaneous hole made through Sasori's hastily made barrier as if made of paper, in and out of the target, and straight on forward till it past Suna's edge and disappeared into the desert. The resulting slipstream that was created as an aftereffect was more than enough to drag the Akatsuki, his puppet, and the metal around him all the way over the destroyed part of the wall and collapse on the other side in a lifeless heap. Almost half a minute later a large cloud of smoke was barely seen in the dark distance indicating to everyone just how far the attack had gone.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru grunted as he dug a finger into his ears. "Even with chakra plugging my ears I'm still partially deaf from that."

"Eh?!" Chiyo asked loudly putting a hand to the side of her head. "What did you say!? You have to speak up! My ears aren't what they used to be!"

"I told you guys that it would be loud." Kankuro grunted, having the least issue with hearing being used to the effects of his attack by now. "Not my fault you didn't take me seriously."

"Shut up Kankuro! Now is not the time for your complaining! This is why I can't take you seriously!" Chiyo snapped loudly.

"And of course, she heard that." The brother of the Kazekage sighed in dejection as he focused anyways on the target that he had just shot to kingdom come.

It was only then that they noticed the increasingly loud rumbling noise that was coming from the village. Much akin to an avalanche…

"Oi! Sasori-danna! Unless you're planning on helping, the mission's a failure! We're leaving!"

Everyone turned to see Deidara flying towards them as fast as possible with a literal tsunami's worth of sand followed by several hundred giant biju sized arms chasing after him.

"Holy shit Gaara's pissed." Kankuro paled.

"Why did we think he needed help again?" Shikamaru asked curiously.

"What?!" Chiyo yelled, apparently still deaf.

Unfortunately for them, they had been so distracted by Deidara's attempted escape from a magnificently overkill death that they did not notice the body of their target suddenly rise up from where it had collapsed just a minute earlier… sans the right part of his chest, torso, and right arm revealing the bulk of his insides to be completely hollow.

"We can't fight adequately under these conditions…" The puppetman mused as he re-established control over his thankfully unharmed prized tool with his remaining hand and glared at his three distracted opponents. The latest attack had wrecked the device in his chest that he used to control multiple puppets at once. It was only a miracle that the scrolls on his back were for the most part undamaged.

It had been very close. Had he not fabricated his iron sand AND made a strong magnetic field to push the fired projectile to the side, he would have most certainly have perished from the attack instead of simply lost his right arm and half his body. Regardless, he was no longer in a suitable condition to fight, especially if the jinchuriki was this powerful.

A massive rumbling shook the area and forced everyone there to turn around to look outside the village opposite of where Gaara was … or at least they tried to look outside as a colossal wall of sand shot up and blocked the view of the world from view.

"He's persistent, I'll give him that much…" The Scorpion of the Red Sands grunted as he channeled as much chakra as he could into his prized puppet despite his current condition. Given Deidara's position, he had less than four seconds to make this work, or else it was likely that both of them would die here. He didn't bother to pay attention to his three opponents that had just disappeared in another one of the Nara's shadows.

Jumping forward to where he was going to create his miracle, Sasori manipulated as much iron sand as possible to impale and open up the wall that Gaara had just made.

Despite the fact that Gaara and his father could control their elements in far greater quantities than the third Kazekage, the third was considered the strongest for a reason. His power came not in the quantity of his sand element (though he could control a lot), but in the quality, or in this case the shape of his attacks. His skill in shape manipulation was so absurd that he frequently could meld and forge his iron sand into solid permanent weapons of incredible quality for the shinobi of Suna to wield. Before his disappearance, it was often said that Suna's shinobi on average were the best equipped fighters in the elemental nations save for notable exceptions such as the Seven Swordsmen and other specialists.

Utilizing what little iron he could gain suitable control over in a short amount of time, Sasori formed and fired off a somewhat large metal cone into the wall, forcing it to drill into the wall with far more ease than what one would think possible until it reached the back end of the construct. Then the inside of the solid cone hollowed out and opened up to reveal a gap in the wall just large enough for the bomber's mount to pass through.

Moments later the puppetman and his prized tool flew through through the gap followed not a second later by his partner who managed to squeeze through and escape being crushed between two walls of loosely packed stone.

Landing on the bird that caught up to him, Sasori instantly turned around and set his sights on the literal giant tsunami he had just passed through. "I see his skills were understated."

"No shit! Mmm!" Deidara snapped as he didn't slow his bird down in the slightest. "What the hell happened to you?!"

"My grandmother and a couple of interesting brats." The redhead stated evenly as he saw the tsunami begin to warp on itself while projectiles of sand were launched over it in masse.

"Your grandmother?! Seriously if you don't want to tell me that you got your ass kicked you could have just threatened to kill me!" Deidara yelled in frustration as the sand bombs exploded in front of them to reveal more giant clouds that would slow them down drastically if they flew through them.

"Just focus on flying or we're both dead." The elder snapped, not in the mood for his partner's back talking right now. The tsunami behind them had not chased after them like he had initially assumed, but the part closest to them was still changing and gaining definition…

"Shit."

"That bad?" The blond laughed bitterly without turning around, still focusing on getting as much range as possible while still avoiding the sand clouds. It wasn't often that Sasori swore. True he often threatened to kill and maim others, primarily him, but cursing to describe something or a situation rarely happened.

Sasori responded by virtually fusing to the clay bird under him and popping out a nozzle from his left hand and pointed it in the opposite direction they were flying. In front of him, the upper body of the Ichibi had completely formed and was gathering a great deal of chakra into its massive fanged mouth. "If you want to live, I suggest you hold on and make sure we don't crash."

Tapping into one of the scrolls on his back, which while damaged were still fortunately functional, Sasori unleashed a massive torrent of flames from his functioning arm and drastically increased the speed of the bird he was flying on.

Seconds later, the manifestation of the Ichibi unleashed its payload with gusto at its would be hunters, producing a blast of black and gold chakra so dense and powerful that it produced slipstreams strong enough to make twisters in its wake.

Later on the people of Suna and Gaara would also have to remake the road leading to the entrance of this part of the village due to the damages made, but that was irrelevant to the plot.

"Oi oi! I get it! I pissed you off! Let up already!" Deidara swore as he pulled up hard enough that combined with Sasori's aid they just managed to avoid being turned to dust. The backlash caused by the beam didn't help things as they were subsequently battered around by the air currents. "That's it! Fuck it! My C4's been everywhere by now! I warned him about what would happen if he didn't give up! Katsu!"

Sasori frowned at the mention of Deidara's C4. If he inadvertently killed the Ichibi's container, Pain would be very far from pleased. For several seconds there was an ominous pause as the sand beast's mouth closed and the sand around it calmed down to a degree…

And then it opened its mouth and began to gather chakra again.

Well, at least they now knew that the jinchuriki wasn't accidentally killed.

"Deidara…" Sasori warned as he prepared his arm again.

"I'm going! I'm going! Mmm!" The blond teen yelled, understanding exactly what was going on as he urged his mount to fly as fast as he could push it while still engaging evasive maneuvers.

Three times. Three more times the Ichibi's host had fired off massive waves of chakra at its retreating pursuers with a violent ferocity that could belong only to a biju, only to barely miss each time. That wasn't to say that they were unharmed, as the constant shaking had completely drained the last of both of their chakra reserves, and ruined more of Sasori's body.

But they had still escaped.

o. o. o.

Gaara wearily sat in his office as he continued to order his commanders and shinobi to fix the damage done to the village. Despite the fact that he had not been captured, Deidara's rampaging throughout the village during the fight had caused a large amount of damage and a good number of casualties. Unfortunately the Kazekage could not be held completely innocent either as many of the things he had attempted to do to stop the mad bomber in his tracks had unfortunately dragged in some of his men who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Temari was in the hospital to be treated for her wounds, and Kankuro and Shikamaru were helping with managing the efforts despite the fact that they fought just as hard as he did that night.

It was only due to Baki's rather forceful intervention that he had managed to have some time to himself to simply rest. Using his Biju's powers in such amounts was an exhausting endeavor after all. When it was finally realized that their insomniac leader was actually dead tired many of his followers had decided to try and manage things on their own for a while to give him rest…

"Past present or future, you are still one of the scariest guys I will ever know Gaara."

So much for rest.

Without opening his black eyelids, the Kazekage allowed himself to smirk faintly. "Likewise Naruto."

"Controlling so much sand and then firing off that many bijudama's like that…" The blond jinchuriki grinned as he seemed to phase into the world. "Did you completely gain control over Shukaku?"

"No. I just happen to be really good at what I can work with." Gaara replied. "Never took you for a genjutsu type."

"Eh. I'm just adjusting the path of light through the air so it doesn't bounce off of me. It's a lot easier to manage my chakra when I'm working with just the air I control." The Kyubi jinchuriki shrugged casually before sitting on one of the chairs there and changing colors for a few seconds. "It's really fun to mess with the variants, but I'm like you. I'm good with what I have, and everything else I suck at."

The Kazekage nodded. "I suppose that your control enabled you to prevent any of the C4 bombs from being inhaled."

"Of course!" The blonde laughed. "I wouldn't have urged you to keep fighting if I couldn't pull it off after all."

"And if you couldn't?"

"I would have ambushed them while they were taking you back to their base obviously."

"I'm somewhat glad you didn't. We can't afford to give Deidara any new ideas."

"Please. By the time I finish he'd be begging to take him under my wing."

A shiver ran down Gaara's spine. "I believe I have found something more terrifying than Madara."

"Pussy." The blond pouted.

The Kazekage opened his eyes and looked at his first friend for the first time in years. He seemed to be dressed the same as he did before, albeit it seemed to match his size better. He was a bit taller and more mature looking than ever, but his eyes… "You've been through much it seems."

Naruto's very sleep deprived eyes closed merrily before opening again. There was still a gleam of immense immaturity and mischievousness that he was notorious for, however there was no hint of innocence in them at all, and the gaze he was giving was good deal cooler than before. "Heh. Yeah you could say that. Ero-ni really went all out in my training… in more ways than we thought."

Gaara frowned. His friend was still there, but at the same time he had changed in an unpleasant way. He had seen the same looks on war veterans that had seen one or a dozen horrible scenes too many. "Why aren't you in Konoha? I wasn't the only one that felt your arrival."

The cocky Uzumaki's smile faltered for a moment before it let loose a sigh of a weary old man. "Let's just say… I need a break from it all for now, and I won't get it in Konoha."

"… I see." The Kazekage nodded after a few seconds of contemplation. "That explains why you haven't told anyone else you're here… however Shikamaru…"

"Is obligated to tell everyone else that he met me when he gets back, even if he sides with me." Naruto interrupted. "Plus Ino would be able to sniff out that he's hiding something big in an instant."

"Point made." Gaara relented, knowing enough of Shikamaru's Yamanaka teammate from his semi constant griping and stories. "Though our concern is warranted. You are by yourself, unaided, and prone to attracting…"

"Fucked up situations?" The blond snorted. Obviously the pattern had not abated during his time away from home. "Oh trust me. I know it. That's why I'm heading to places that I know are going to be messed up soon so I at least know what's going to happen."

"That's… one way to deal with such a problem." The Kazekage admitted albeit with a grain of salt. "Though if you want to keep a low profile, doing that will make things difficult."

"Eh. It's not like I'm going to be gone for long. Only a few months at the most." Naruto yawned. "I'm just taking a VERY well needed break from everything. If things get too rough I'll just run back home…"

"And what qualifies as too much for you at this point?" Gaara frowned. Naruto was widely believed to be their generation's hardest hitter. Even before he left he was speculated to be on par with the Sanin in terms of jutsu vocabulary and destructive capabilities.

"Oi. Don't give me that look. If Akatsuki starts going after me in particular, I'll go back, but right now I'm pretty sure that I can take them on one on one without too much trouble... other than Madara of course. Besides they still don't know I'm back let alone where I am. The only reason why I didn't help out more here was because I got here in the middle of the fighting and preventing everyone in the city from breathing in those C4 bombs was trickier than it looked."

"I'll take your word for it." The sand user dryly stated. "… Just to be safe though, tell me honestly. If we were to fight here, what do you think would happen?"

The Uzumaki raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? With the shit you just pulled off? I'd have to be freaking nuts to fight you on your home turf." He clicked his teeth in frustration and began to think. "Never took you for a competitive type. Well if we didn't use our biju or sage mode… I think I'd still lose two, maybe three to one, and that's if I'm not allowed to run away screaming like a small girl… or Konohamaru."

"Are you sure you aren't overestimating yourself?" The Kage asked with a hint of a smirk. "Those are pretty generous odds all things considered."

"No… I think I'm on the money with that one." The blond waved Gaara's speculation to the side absently. "You have your ultimate defense, but I have several techniques of mass destruction. And more tricks." He paused. "Why do I have a sudden urge to claim I pulled off the full set?"

Gaara ignored Naruto's random comment. He had a feeling he was better off not knowing. Being reminded that the person in front of him was notorious for being an individual of pure chaos without his Biju's aid was not a pleasant experience. "Naruto. How many obnoxiously destructive techniques did you learn or make while you were gone?"

The room was silent for a good amount of time.

"… Naruto…"

"… Nope. I'm not answering that one. No way. Not going to tell you. You cannot make me tell you. My lips are sealed. I know better than that. I plead the fifth. I suddenly developed a case of amnesia. Who are you? Who am I? Why am I here? My what a pretty hat you have. Does that come in red? Why do I hear three voices in my head?"

"Don't make me do something drastic Naruto." The Kazekage warned with narrowed eyes. "You know I can be very persuasive if I want to be."

"Gaara. Just… just listen." The fellow jinchuriki backed up slowly. "Now think very carefully. You've had a hard day. You are tired, exhausted, and more than easily irritated right now. Do you REALLY want to know how much I can potentially mess up your home at this very moment?"

The room was once again quiet for several minutes. "It's times like this that I truly question our friendship Naruto. I really do."

"And its times like this that I'm glad I'm now smart enough to abuse such sensations." The blond sighed in relief. "But in all honesty you can't really point fingers here. I mean with the shit you just pulled." He shook his head. "I mean with all the sand you control and Shukaku's crossed eyes and the markings and everything, you'd think that… he…"

"That he what?" Gaara frowned as his friend's jaw slowly dropped and began to point at him in disbelief.

"No." Naruto stated in a low disbelieving tone as if realizing something for the first time. "No fucking way. You have got to be shitting me. You mean the entire time… and no one noticed…"

The Kazekage turned his conversation to the inside of his body. _"Shukaku, care to enlighten me what he has found out before he does something that will most likely cause us both headaches for weeks to come?"_

" _ **The hell should I know?"**_ The Tanuki shrugged. _**"You're talking about a human that you occasionally believe is crazier than me. On a side note, are you sure we can't kill him? I really want to one up Kurama and I'm still itchy from not getting to kill that other blond human."**_

Gaara's attention was distracted from Shukaku's pointless babbling however as he saw Naruto extend his fist forward expectantly. Knowing exactly what his friend wanted to do, the redhead followed suit and bumped fists.

Almost instantly the world around them changed. What had once been the enclosed Kazekage's office had opened up to reveal a massive desert during the night with a full moon hanging overhead. On one side stood Gaara in front of Shukaku, who had a foot shackled to a large flat area of stone underneath him with seals on the edge. On the other…

"He's gotten bigger since the last time." The redhead mused as he looked at Kurama with some interest. The Kyubi, which had been roughly Shukaku's size before, was nearly five times that now and easily was the largest thing in the area. Of more interest however was the fact that there was nothing restraining him. "I take it his chakra has been restored and you managed to gain control of his power."

Naruto chuckled on top of his biju's head, sitting next to Minato and Kushina. "Yeah, but trust me it was a major pain in the ass pulling it off in the end."

"Namikaze-sama. Uzumaki-sama. Kyubi-sama. It's good to see you again." Gaara bowed his head politely.

"Gaara. We've told you already, just call us by our names." Kushina pouted childishly. "We aren't strangers here. Heck you're practically family."

"It's good to see you too Gaara." The Fourth Hokage smiled peacefully. "It's unfortunate that we had to do so under such unstable circumstances though."

" _ **I'd prefer it if you considered that fight to be a mighty battle instead of "a pain in the ass"."**_ Kurama grunted, lying down on the sand and seemingly ignoring his brother glaring at him and his container. _**"You are the only human to ever defeat me without the use of seals or a bloodline. Be proud of it."**_

"It's a good thing you're not that big of a sore loser… metaphorically speaking." The container smirked with some humor before turning his attention to the Ichibi. "Oi Shukaku! You still ax crazy and stuff?!"

" _ **I will crush you into a fine paste and put it on my bread which I will only half eat before throwing the other half away for no particular reason!"**_ The Tanuki yelled frantically.

"I'll take that as a yes." Minato laughed nervously.

"That's a big piece of bread." Kushina mused, not at all concerned with the violent threat. "Where would he get it in the first place?"

"He gets a bit cranky when he's denied a good kill." Gaara admitted.

" _ **For all of our sakes, I'll interpret what you just asked as a rhetorical question."**_ The fox muttered to his container as said blond jumped off of his head and flew towards the other beast at a casual pace.

"Let's see." Naruto approached the violent tanuki without any hint of worry or concern. "His chakra's unstable as always so I can't read it accurately from a distance, but still it was pretty weird that Gaara's powers seemed to be so much more potent when compared to the others. We thought that it was because of the shitty seal and Gaara's adapting to the demonic chakra… but what if…"

Gaara's eyes narrowed as his friend continued to approach his tenant without slowing down. "Naruto! You're getting too close! Shukaku will still try to kill you if you get in reach of him!"

" _ **Finally I get to kill something!"**_ The biju roared in joy as he reached back with one of his claws to prepare an attack…

And was seemingly pulled farther than he intended and fell flat on his back so smoothly that it almost appeared to have been done completely by the beast's clumsy habits.

" _ **Idiot."**_ Kurama yawned and laid down, not at all worried about what just happened much like the two remaining spirits on his head. _**"There is a reason why I admit that he defeated me Shukaku. It is pointless for an idiot like you to try and kill him."**_

" _ **You stupid fox! If I wasn't chained here I would have killed all of you by now!"**_

"Yeah that's nice." Naruto muttered clearly not paying attention to the death threat as he landed on the tanuki's stomach and placed a hand on it. "Do me a favor and stay still for a sec."

An instant later, the writhing biju's body instantly slammed flat back against the ground and twitched as if trying to move.

"He's subduing Shukaku so easily…" Gaara blinked in wonder.

" _ **What… the hell… did you do to me?!"**_ The Ichibi grunted, managing to raise its head enough to glare at the human on his stomach.

"Short version? I just dumped roughly a mountain's worth of mass on your body from the sky." The blonde shrugged, though he didn't move his hand from the beast's body. "The technique is pretty useful. Now please shut up while I touch your belly as much as I please." There was a brief pause as he closed his eyes…

"Shukaku. When the hell did you start messing around with natural energy and accidentally stick yourself in a bastardized sage mode?"

The mental world was silent for a good five seconds before the words sunk into everyone's heads.

"… _**Well then, that certainly explains a lot."**_ Kurama blinked, clearly not expecting this to be what his container suspected.

"Of all the biju… you mean to tell me that the most insane of all of them was a sage?" Kushina gaped in disbelief.

"A half assed one." The blond corrected. "This idiot's chakra is improperly balanced. He has slightly more natural energy than his demonic and its really messing with his head since he's primarily a demonic entity. From what I can tell it's been like this for log knows how long."

" _ **Mmmm."**_ Kurama thought heavily as he attempted to sift through his memories. _**"Now that I think of it, there was a time when the fool did not have those markings… but shortly after HE died they appeared. Actually I believe that was when he became more annoying… and fat."**_

" _ **Shut up… all of you…"**_ The Ichibi growled, sounding far more unstable and homicidal than normal as he opened his mouth and began to gather huge amounts of chakra in it, pointing it straight at Naruto. _**"Shut UP!"**_

SLAM!

Before the ball was even halfway formed, the beast's mouth had slammed on itself much to its owner's surprise given the look of shock in his face.

BOOM!

Still that was more than enough to blow up the biju's head in a giant torrent of sand and chakra and force its body to go limp.

Naruto on the other hand had not acknowledged the event in the slightest.

" _ **Idiot."**_ The fox snorted, clearly not surprised by what he had just seen but still very much amused.

"I hope that won't cause any problems." Kushina mused out loud worriedly. "His body is made of sand and he does seem to recover quickly because of it…"

"So long as he was harmed inside his container and still has his chakra, he should be back to normal fairly quickly." Minato assured his wife calmly.

Gaara on the other hand could barely keep calm, which was reasonable given what his day had been like. "Naruto. Tell me there is a logical reason why you just blew up my biju's head."

"Would you believe that he said heinous things about ramen?"

"Naruto."

"He insulted my mother?"

"I'd be the one responsible for blowing up his head if that was the case and you know it!" Kushina shouted from the background.

"He insulted _your_ mother?"

"Naruto!"

"He didn't brush his teeth in years and his breath was bad enough to legitimize such treatment for the sake of all that is decent in the world, and only the utterly violent destruction and recreation of his head would suitably cure?"

"So help me UZUMAKI!"

The accused laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head with his free hand, shrinking under the murderous glare of his friend. "Ok! Ok! Sorry! I really just needed this guy to stay still for a bit and he didn't seem to want to. To be honest, since I'm technically in you right now, no homo, I'm not as strong as I should be. Actually I could only hold him down for a few more seconds like this because of it. Giving off that much chakra would have disrupted my technique anyways. Blowing up his head was just a convenient solution at the time"

"And why do tell did you need for the Ichibi to calm down to such an extent that you felt that blowing up his head was a legitimate means to an end?" The Kazekage's eyebrow muscle twitched. He knew he was going to get headaches when he found out that Naruto came back, but he had forgotten how fast and how bad they could be. As such he attempted futilely to ignore how absurd the sentence he just said sounded out loud.

In all honesty, it was a blessing that the blond wasn't working for Akatsuki. They'd get the biju in record time by accident it that happened.

"Oi! He gave the opportunity! I just took it! Hate the game not the player!" Naruto snapped childishly before regaining composure and made the half ram seal with his free hand. "Regardless. I needed him to calm the fuck down anyway so I could do this…"

No one saw any real changes at first, however slowly but surely all the eyes there soon spotted a change in the downed Ichibi's body. The large amounts of "fat" that he seemed to possess, despite being made completely out of sand, slowly disappeared, and his "fur" seemed to take on a more natural appearance and sheen, and its coloring has turned a paler shade of sand brown. The markings on his body which extended to his fur remained, however they seemed to be more natural.

When the transformation was done, the beast's appearance still greatly resembled what it once was, however there were key differences. Shukaku would still be the "biggest" out of his siblings, but most of that could clearly be attributed to his distinct fur now. Even the double chin he sported from his slowly regenerating head was clearly just puffy biju fuzz now. Surprisingly though, his tail, if anything, grew even longer than it did before while still maintaining its very unique appearance.

"I see." Minato nodded. "You balanced out the natural and demonic energies in him."

"Huh…" Kushina tilted her head to the side as if judging the new change in appearance. "I can't make any final judgments since his head is still there, but so far it does seem to be an improvement."

" _ **His chakra does seem to be stabilizing and he is stronger than I initially thought…"**_ Kurama mused with half opened eyes. _**"However he still does not hold a candle to me."**_

"And once again doing things before explaining them saves the day." Naruto stood up proudly and posed childishly before jumping to the others. "Hey Mom! Dad! Can you touch up Gaara's seal just to be safe? You know that seals aren't really my thing!"

"On it." The fourth Hokage nodded as he grabbed his wife and threw a hiraishin kunai right at the edge of the Ichibi's seal. Moments later they were at work inspecting the entire thing and exchanging complex comments with one another.

"Akatsuki might be the greatest threat to the world, but I'm beginning to think that you're the greatest threat to my sanity." The Kazekage grunted to his friend and deciding to just go with the flow of things since it was far too late to change that.

"Wohoo! Another thing I beat a biju at!" The Kyubi's jinchuriki cheered with his fists in the air. "… Oh wait. That's a bad thing."

Gaara decided not to reply to that and changed the subject. For better or for worse, it was nice to know that Naruto's core personality had been left unchanged for the most part. "Speaking of unstable individuals of mass destruction, where is Ghost?"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"So let me get this straight." Tsunade asked the nervous Izumo and Kotetsu as they stood in the hospital room where Ghost was sleeping unconscious. "You two were on guard duty…"

"Like we always were." Kotetsu nodded only to get a sharp elbow from his best friend.

"And while the entire road was empty, somehow Ghost, dehydrated, starving, and crippled, appeared just outside the gate." The woman continued, seemingly ignoring the pair's antics.

"He did have a walking stick…" Izumo added weakly.

"Younger sibling of the log, aiding in more mundane tasks that are unsuitable for the work of its holiness. Amen." Kotetsu recited absently.

"And he appeared ALONE." The Hokage stated in a more stressed tone.

"… We have nothing that can explain that part Hokage-sama." Izumo winced.

"You asked him if he was ok, to identify himself, and where Naruto was, and he said…" The woman concluded, her eyebrow starting to twitch.

Kotetsu shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "He… he wanted to bet five hundred ryo that someone would try to murder him within five minutes of him waking up… we said no offhandedly… and then he called us pussies and passed out right there. All in all Hokage-sama, there's little doubt that this is Ghost Oogakari."

"Of course it's him!" The woman snapped as power and killing intent began to radiate off of her. The afterimage of a large beast was hovering over her and terrifying the two men she was verbally reaming a new one. "No one else has that damn caved in chest of his and the only other people that can brush off wounds like this are the rest of his family and Naruto. WHO. IS. NOT. HERE."

"Careful Tsunade." Waltz yawned lazily as he walked into the room followed closely by Crypt. "You'll start to give old folks like me heart attacks if you keep that up."

The Hokage's attention glared at the conscious sane immortal in the room before clicking her teeth in irritation. "Given the current situation, I believe I'm entitled to being a bit miffed Waltz."

"And rightly so, but do remember you are in a hospital. The weak willed aren't well suited for exposure to presence." The ancient looking man replied in a casual tone, not at all swayed by the woman's current disposition.

"Heheheh. Funny smells do funny things. My nose burns like car wax and Peruvian rugs. The sitting flamingo knows all about sitting and deli sandwiches." Crypt giggled absently. "Spinny spinny spinny spinny zombie dog spinny cow doom doom… I SMELL THE ARTIFICIAL MONGOLIAN KNEECAP! FEAR IT FOR IT IS MONGOLIAN! MONGOOOOOLIAN! … _Mongol_ …"

WHAM!

"Can you just wake the first unconscious idiot please?" Tsunade sighed after she hammered Crypt into the floor, not at all taking note of the blood that spilled out of his skull in the process. It'd be all gone by the time he left anyways. "The fact that he's here and Naruto's not is already giving me a massive headache. The fact that I'm going to have to tell everyone in the council this is going to make me want to kill someone."

"It's a shame then that all guilty parties are needed alive for future projects." Waltz chuckled as he walked to his official grandson and raised an eyebrow. "… Judging by his condition, I probably know what happened to both of them, but there's no way I'll be the one that tells you."

"And the reason why is?" The leader asked in a polite but clearly threatening way as the old man began to restore his family member's health and consciousness with his glowing hands.

"I like being on people's good side." The latter merrily replied, not at all paying attention to the two chunin slowly backing away from their leader. "Less people try to kill me that way."

"Ugh…" The first unconscious immortal groaned as he returned to the world of the semi-sane. "Oh my aching… ow…"

"Hello Ghost." Tsunade got straight to business. "Long time no see? How was your trip? Did you enjoy it? Where's Naruto?"

The blind man rubbed his temples and looked around slowly as he regained his bodily functions again. "Tsunade? Oh right, I'm back." There was a brief pause. "… Waltz can you be a pal and knock me out or kill me? I wouldn't mind both if possible."

"No can do. Tsunade made me sign a contract that prevents me from doing that to you this time." The old man raised his hands in defeat.

"Fuck she remembered." Ghost swore under his breath.

"I'm still waiting." The blond woman smiled pleasantly.

"But I don't wanna!" The childish man moaned with tears going down his face. "She'll just get mad at me!"

Tsunade's cracking knuckles countered that statement. "Oh I'm already fairly pissed off at you Ghost, so here's what's going to happen. Either you don't tell me and I use my medical knowledge to make you extremely uncomfortable, or you do tell me and I might decide to be lenient."

The blind immortal whimpered. "You promise?"

"Within reason."

"Well, ok. So I was minding my own business…"

"BULLSHIT!"

CRASH!

Tsunade punted the screaming like a girl man's bed through the sixth story hospital room window, complete with said screaming like a girl man.

o. o. o.

Twenty minutes later:

"You knew that was going to happen." Waltz sighed as he finished wrapping Ghost in the last of the casting that he now required after falling six stories with a hospital bed crashing on top of him. Thankfully the Hospital had made several rooms with shinobi, and later on the Oogakari in mind, so there were plenty of easily fixed rooms there.

"Why is she so mean?" The supposed leader of the immortals wept in a muffled voice as half his head was wrapped up in gauze.

"Just answer her damn questions." The elderly man grunted. "I wanna know where the little nut is too you know."

"Well?!" The Hokage grunted with a black aura of malice hovering over her, causing most of the hospital staff and shinobi there to keep a good distance away before the door was closed and left only her, Ghost, Crypt, and Waltz in the room.

The injured man remained quiet for a few seconds before laughing in good humor. "Hahaha. You got me. The minion finally made due with his threats on me and managed to ditch me as soon as we arrived in this world. Ahahahaha! Ha! Haha! Ha… I'm so dead."

The room was quiet for several seconds. "Care to repeat that?" The woman asked in a horrifyingly calm tone. "How the hell did a twenty year old in a sixteen year old's body, manage to overpower and get away from a man who supposedly could manhandle armies of gods if he actually felt like it? Please. Do tell."

"But he tricked meeee!" Ghost wept. "He made me open up a scroll with a ton of Chinese food in iiit! It took forever to get out from that mountain of EVIL, and even longer finding someone to wash the sauce of pain, misery, and shame off my poor innocent body."

"Why on earth are you crippled in the mere presence of pork fried rice!?" The woman's composure was cracking rather quickly.

"Er." Waltz spoke up and rose a hand. "Actually, he has a credible excuse there." The old man took out a folder from his coat. "Ghost got this from some takeout a couple millennia back. Mix that with his immortality and… well… yeah, his trauma is legit in this case."

Tsunade snorted as she looked at the folder which held the medical data for some sort of violent stomach virus… and looked… and looked…

After several minutes of silence, the medic expert slowly closed the folder and handed it back to the only other sane person in the room and cleared her throat with a neutral disposition. "Given the circumstances, I have decided that your situation was not completely your fault and I may have overreacted to the seriousness of your condition. Just, just swear you'll never attempt to bring such a thing into our world. Ever. I wouldn't use such a thing on Orochimaru."

"Few people truly realize the depths of my trauma. The horror. The deep fried overly seasoned horror…"

"But that still does not explain where Naruto is." Tsunade continued on professionally, banishing the terrifying strain of stomach bug data from her mind. "Right now he can be anywhere in the elemental nations without backup doing whatever the hell he's doing. We'll have no way of helping him if he encounters Akatsuki or gets into other trouble. We don't even know why he ran off in the first place."

Waltz glanced at his brother warily. "Ghost… exactly how well did Naruto adapt to dimension travelling? Please do tell us that you did not go overboard and accidentally break ANOTHER hopeful by overexposing him to the frequently glossed over terrors of the multiverse. The ones that coincidentally have screwed with even our heads on occasion."

A shiver went down the Senju's spine. She didn't like the sound of what Waltz just said. "Accidentally break? Don't tell me that you turned Naruto into a raging psychopath. Him being a raving lunatic like you is bad enough."

The injured immortal shifted nervously. "Uh… I didn't go that far, this time. Kinda?"

The Hokage's mouth went dry before she turned to the more reliable immortal in the room. "What do you mean by "frequently glossed over horrors"? How did he "break" my annoying little brat?"

"The multiverse is filled with countless possibilities Tsunade." Waltz stated ominously. "In order to traverse the unknown with a degree of confidence, you need to be prepared for encountering literally every possibility can potentially exist and then some otherwise one can easily lose their sanity. Good. Bad. Neutral. Ideal. Imperfect. Ordered. Chaotic. Irrational. Magical. Spiritual. Religious. Logical. Imaginary. Technologic. Standards. Distortion. Even the definition of the previous can be altered depending on where you go. A nonstandard combination of all of this and more to varying degrees describes each and every world. So long as it can exist, it will exist in theoretically an infinite number of worlds, no matter how much you try to reason that it shouldn't be possible, it isn't right, or how much you scream. If you try to prove otherwise, you'll just end up truly breaking and end up as a problem for someone."

There was a brief pause before he continued. "At its best, a person could potentially learn the secrets of everything and become a sage with wisdom unlike anything you could fathom. At its worst… war… hell… torture… such words could not begin to describe that which are the standards of existence. It is the latter category and worlds that possess cultures completely alien to his own that the traveler must be accustomed to in order to if not ensure then improve the likelihood of him getting around without issue. They must be able to adapt to completely new rules and standards on the fly without knowing anything in order to have a hope of managing things on their own. What you shinobi assume is quick adaptation to new cultures when outside of the continental elemental nations is a mere shadow of what is truly required for something on this scale. The problem is however, that such things take time and training… and if you rush it…"

"I see." The Hokage nodded reluctantly. The old man's lecture reminded her of the conditioning programs that used to be used for younger generations during times of war, only exceptionally more extreme. Once more she had to remember that she was dealing with people that were used to a much higher scale of things than she was accustomed to. "So… what's the damage then?"

"All things considered he got off light. Still, he uh, he might have a bit of trouble registering affective empathy at the moment, or just empathetic concern to be exact." Ghost admitted while attempting to shrink into his wrappings.

"Ghost you idiot." Waltz groaned, knowing exactly what had happened. "You forced him to go through the worst situations we found in the past didn't you? How badly did you traumatize this one?"

"I thought he could handle it better than most with the death and the angra mainyu training and all the other crap he's been through! And it wasn't the really rushed version that I planned out last time!" The crippled man shot back. "Besides I didn't put him through all of it, though he did experience more than he should have."

There was a brief pause.

"I probably shouldn't have introduced him to Burnkestel and Lambdadelta in hindsight though…"

"Oh for the love of all that is rational you gave him to THOSE TWO?!"

"Heheheh." Crypt giggled darkly. "Come and play Oyashiro-sama. The festival is coming soon… I wonder who will be the sacrifice this year… then we can play with the furniture without pants!"

"I stopped after that! He's gotten better since then! He can tell when people are angry at him in particular again! Also, on a side note, the minion is now subconsciously terrified of tea parties."

"Hold on. I'm not a Yamanaka, but if I got this right, Naruto's now dead to other people's emotions?" Tsunade tried to summarize what they were talking about.

"Their suffering." Waltz corrected with an annoyed tone, not taking his stone like eyes off of Ghost. "Though if what Ghost is saying is true, I'd say he's more numb than dead to those sensations. It's like a passive version of what shinobi do to ignore their target's suffering before going for the kill, or ignoring what other people would feel when you take out their loved ones. No sympathy, or so little of it that it would not impede their decisions and actions. In short he will not recognize what is "wrong" with a situation and focus on what it "is". The boy will still most likely act completely like before. Given his nature he's not going to go on a murder spree anytime soon, but depending on how far the training was taken… well let's just say he'll be more prone to saying inappropriate things at the wrong time. Tell us right now Ghost. How bad is he?"

The crippled immortal attempted to shrug, but winced painfully doing so. "Like you said, he's numb right now but believe it or not, he knows about it." He stopped talking for a moment. "On a side note, despite his condition he has on the other hand become extremely good at determining which people are normal and which are twisted in some way."

"Shocking." The Hokage Tsunade replied in a dead tone.

"On a related note, old man you heard from Shadow about that little trip he took a while ago?"

"I try not to." Said old man grumbled. "Last thing I wanted was to be involved in fighting on that scale again... gods and their bloody egos and their fear of taking their heads out of their damn asses. Inability to understand the situation due to being conceptual beings and make a decent logical decision my wrinkled old liver spotted…"

"ANYWAYS, during that particular fiasco the minion found what I was doing to him, and after a rather colorful chewing out I lightened up on the conditioning a bit. All in all he's still the same as before but… yeah more often than not he has to logically figure out people are suffering emotionally instead of actually feel, it and it's really gotten to him." Ghost elaborated. "It's probably why he kinda ditched me and isn't coming back yet. He most likely wants some time to stabilize himself and get his head on straight. Odds weren't likely he wasn't going to get it here because… well… everyone's here. And we do things."

"Do the things involve pancakes? Or fabric softener?" Crypt asked curiously.

"And right now our most valued asset in the oncoming war is not only out in the world by himself, but emotionally crippled." Tsunade summarized while grinding her teeth.

Ghost frowned. "Minato, Kushina and Kyubi are still with him so it's not like he's without someone to smack him upside the head when he says something stupid. Besides, I trained him a lot in other fields too. Kid's got some mad moves now."

"And how many of these mad moves are capable of destroying the village?" Waltz skeptically raised an eyebrow. "Scratch that, just how powerful is his strongest technique?"

The room was ominously silent again.

"Don't make me punt you out the window again. Because I am very much inclined to do so with great amounts of sadistic satisfaction."

"About that… I shouldn't say this, but technically the minion's strongest move has… theoretically, enough power to destroy a small country. Not exactly the kind of move that a protector of peace is supposed to have I know but… well, when we thought about it, it just seemed too awesome to pass up. And let me tell you, mass destruction aside it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen... blindness taken into account."

"Why for all that is holy would you teach him a move like THAT?!" Tsunade roared incredulously.

A tear of pride fell from Ghost's left eye. "I didn't. He made it up himself." He sniffed. "They grow up so fast."

The Hokage groaned and sat down in her chair. "I can already see the paperwork piling in. At the very least, he has sage mode and the Kyubi to back him up if he gets into trouble."

The room was ominously quiet.

"I said, at the very least he has sage mode and the Kyubi to help him out if he gets into a rough spot." The Senju said in a more demanding tone.

"You thought he was too strong after the training and sealed away his ability to do either didn't you." Waltz accurately guessed in a monotone voice.

"… Come to think of it why did I think it was a smart idea to come back to the village?"

"Fuck should I know?" The old man rose a bushy white eyebrow.

Ghost's second freefall from the windows of the hospital that day, complete with bed and hospital equipment strapped to him, further enforced his curiosity.

o. o. o.

Outside Suna:

"So where do you guys wanna check out next?" Naruto asked out loud as he casually hovered through the desert night sky. Ever since he had mastered flying the jinchuriki had used it whenever he had to travel long distances. And he loved every second of it. "I've always wanted to check out Kusa…"

" _Unless you want to accidentally start a war or international scandal, I suggest you avoid the other hidden villages and major cities for now."_ Minato advised. _"Same goes for Wave since you know people there."_

" _ **So in short you want to visit a place that has no one living in it because otherwise you'll probably just kill everyone there."**_ The Kyubi bluntly added. _**"So… are you sure you don't want to go back to Konoha?"**_

"Eh. Maybe later." The container shrugged, ignoring the not so subtle jab. "If I remember right, the demon country fiasco shouldn't be happening for another couple of weeks. Still that is a while… you guys wanna hit Moon Country's casinos and make the owners cry?"

" _Do you even remember how to get to Moon Country from here?"_ His father asked skeptically.

" _Has that ever stopped him before?"_ Kushina laughed merrily.

" _ **This world is doomed."**_ Kurama groaned. _**"How anyone could consider you a sort of child of prophesy is madder than Shukaku, unless they are referring to how you will somehow accidentally bring forth its end."**_

"Yeah! Fuck the police!" The blond pumped his fist into the air.

" _Actually, if we're heading for the ocean, let's check out the ruins of Uzu."_ Kushina offered, catching everyone's attention. _"We never did manage to check it out before we left."_

Naruto crossed his arms and thought hard. His mother had a point. He had been focusing too much on training before his hellish trip to other worlds. Granted his ability in seals was only a hair above average so he doubted he would come across or recognize something revolutionary, but still it was something to consider.

Plus it might give his parents something to do and focus on. They've been getting bored lately and when they get bored they start making comments on virtually everything he does.

Or they start to feel the "itch" again and need more trips on the outside world lest his mind get more messed up than it already is. They were only in their early mid twenties when they initially died after all. When a Hokage has an itch to scratch, he will scratch that itch, death be damned.

"Hmm. Yeah. That sounds pretty good." He agreed. "The place has been dead and scavenged by tons of villages so all the traps and secrets there should be taken by now. So long as we don't blow anything up there, no one should ever know we were there."

" _ **Feel honored Kushina. Uzu might be destroyed, but your son will be the one that truly wipes it off the face of the map."**_ Kurama snorted.

" _You mean how he smeared the walls with your head earlier?"_

" _ **Big words coming from someone I killed."**_

" _What was that rabbit ears?!"_ Kushina roared in rage.

" _ **You can hear me just fine human. You're dead. Not deaf. Not that the former has done anything to manage how much you annoy me."**_

" _I'll show you dead and deaf!"_

Moments later Naruto winced as he felt his mother and the Kyubi once again begin to try to gut one another in his soul. Despite the fact that they had all gotten along much better since they had all gathered there, the fighting itself had rarely stopped for more than a week or two.

Minato on the other hand wisely stayed out of such altercations unless they got out of hand.

Still, Naruto didn't feel like dealing with the resulting headache this time.

"Time to separate you two again…" The blond sighed as he focused internally and grabbed onto the Kyubi's soul and some of his chakra and molded it outside of his body. Moments later, a single tailed red fox appeared in the air next to his body…

And subsequently plummeted to the earth screaming and cursing his name.

"Whoops." The Jinchuriki muttered unapologetically as he looked down at the rapidly fading red dot. "Forgot about that."

" _Heheheheheheheh."_ Kushina giggled evilly from inside his mind. _"This works too. Heheheh…"_

"I wouldn't be so happy if I were you mom. You do that again and it'll be you freefalling next time." The son stated without remorse as he reached out and caught onto the falling fox with the air under his control and pulled him back up to his elevation.

Naruto was unable to manipulate the bulk of Kurama's chakra normally due to Ghost's machinations. However it did nothing to impair the fox's control over it, nor did it stop him from letting the biju out whenever he saw fit.

" _ **I swear on the Jubi I will flood your dreams with your suppressed experiences if you EVER do that again."**_ The biju murderously stated as he slowly floated back up to eye level with his container. While he was significantly weaker than before, it did nothing to impair the normally overwhelming killing intent he was radiating. _**"And I do mean ALL of them."**_

"Mhm." Naruto yawned, not intimidated in the slightest. "Don't see what the big deal is…"

" _ **Small magical girls in old western clothing drinking tea and playing games."**_ The tailed beast stated in a dead tone.

In an instant the jinchuriki paled and began to look all around him. "What?! Fuck! Where!? Don't let those twisted old shrews get me! Not again!" Instantly though he paused and looked at the biju warily. "Suppressed memories?"

" _ **Maliciously suppressed."**_

"Well then… your complaint has been noted and filed." The jinchuriki chuckled nervously as he pressed his right hand on his partner's forehead for a few seconds, allowing the beast to temporarily manipulate the air around him to fly for as long as he's in Naruto's range and sees fit. "Never thought you'd be afraid of heights."

" _ **I am not afraid of heights!"**_ Kurama snapped as he floated a bit away from the teen. _**"I merely detest falling absurd elevations while in a weak and pathetic body!"**_

" _Probably doesn't help that save for the Jubi he was the largest creature to ever walk on the planet."_ Minato added helpfully.

" _ **Size means nothing after seeing the Sky Mother in her natural state Yondaime. You too are aware of this."**_ Kurama growled as he lazily floated around in the air, clearly used to the sensation of flying via this method. _**"Not to mention what we encountered in all of those absurd worlds we visited. Those metal mechanisms and monsters… as much as I detest admitting it, our world is rather behind when compared to many of them in terms of capability and rationality. Small wonder the Sky Mother's kin constantly mock virtually everything they encounter in this world."**_

"Which will make things way easier for us to fuck around with the system and not get into trouble." Naruto grinned as he began to fly to the east.

" _Or cause everyone to gun for your head."_ Kushina corrected with some concern. _"Remember, you are still having trouble realizing when people are pissed off at you. It'd be far too easy for you to accidentally piss off the wrong people and make things worse for yourself."_

"I'm getting better."The blond pouted.

" _Even so, it's best if you don't do any diplomatic missions for a while if I were you."_ His father advised.

"Countries that I have already exposed to my awesomeness are exempt from the rule."

" _Try again."_ Kushina snorted.

"Oh come on!"

" _ **I'm beginning to look forward to these next few months."**_ The fox smirked savagely as he followed his container. _**"The amount of chaos and destruction that follow you is often worth the headache."**_

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations:

"Home at last." Kabuto sighed pleasantly as he entered one of Orochimaru's older and still undiscovered bases. While it was not as well stocked with equipment like many of the other hideouts, it was still a convenient place to retreat to. The bordering mountainous and forest terrain offered pleasant scenery and good air to breathe, and it wasn't that far from a few mid sized cities and a major border. All in all it made a very pleasant vacation spot.

"I take it you encountered something fruitful?"

The young man smirked at the question and took off his cloak, his simple clothing underneath betraying nothing save for his normally pale skin and lanky frame. "Oh most certainly, just not what I had initially intended to find."

"Oh?" The bodiless voice asked intrigued. "It must be quite the pleasant surprise if you are this elated. Do I spy a skip in your step?"

"Surely you jest. I don't even know how to skip. Such a pointless motion." The silver haired medic snorted. "… Tell me, what is the first thing that comes to mind when Gods are spoken of?"

"Gods?" The companion questioned as if tasting the word. "It may be hypocritical coming from me, but they are an elusive dream and scapegoat of humans. They are something that they must place on a pedestal above kings and daimyo in order to place their greatest hopes and blames on. When a man attempts to be one, or claims to be one, they are most of the time merely speaking of power that cannot be surmounted by the rest of the known world."

"And should they exist?" Kabuto continued as he continued further into the base. "What would define a genuine God for you?"

There was a brief silence. "Something that exceeds a human's limitation to describe in a concrete definition. A force of nature with some degree of sentience, unrestricted by the mere limitations that is imposed by living on this planet, no, any planet. Affecting everything in a way that we accept their influence as the way things are without questioning it. Definition given will in a sense. When they change, the world itself adjusts naturally to follow suit. Most importantly though, something that would not bother with the petty squabble of humanity."

"… Unless of course, they had nothing better to do." Kabuto corrected with a wry and eager grin.

"… Go on." The voice implored, clearly interested in what the medic had to say on the subject.

"It appears that recent events have been slightly influenced by the higher forces. Some for the greater good… and others simply on childish whims. All of it ultimately done not for the peace of mankind, but to create a story to observe with an exciting but unknown ending." He continued.

"Humph. If past events truly were influenced by the gods, why would the ending be unknown to them?"

"Simple. They did not bother to see the ending yet as it would spoil the surprise." Kabuto answered as if the answer was obvious. "Who are we to question what they should and should not know? Would it not be logical to assume that they can choose what they would and would not know in the first place?"

"Much like a book… yes, I suppose that does make sense." The voice admitted. "Still the fact remains that the idea of actual Gods residing here and taking notice of our activities now is absolutely preposterous…"

"It's the truth." Kabuto smiled genuinely. "And we have even encountered them several times already."

"Somehow I doubt that. Even so, what does it even do for us? How could we benefit from something like this even if it was true? Manipulating and controlling powerful beasts and spirits is well and good, but how does a human go about playing with the higher realm itself?"

The spy chuckled. "Why it's quite simple. We play along with their story… and give them exactly what they want."

o. o. o.

Omake (Note: not for the faint of heart or sound of mind): How to get most people to truly fear Crypt and Shadow in five words:

Scabbard stood on top of a podium in the middle of nowhere and cleared his throat. "They reverse rape tentacle monsters. Have fun with that."

o. o. o.

Omake: To memories. New… Old… and better off forgotten.

Naruto and Gaara returned to the outside world more or less intact.

"Could you have waited at least a day before doing this?" The Kazekage grimaced. Shukaku's surprisingly more stable chakra was making it surprisingly hard for him to stay awake at the moment when combined with his exhaustion.

"Most likely." The blond shrugged as he went through the scrolls he had on him and found the one he was looking for. Moments later he pulled out a bottle of foreign alcohol and a couple of glasses. "Now then, now that business is done with, I say that a toast is in order."

Gaara frowned. "Naruto, you know that alcohol is looked down on here for a reason. We have to manage our water carefully and…"

"And you defended Suna, drove away two Akatsuki, war's about to begin, and then there's the most important reason to drink of all."

The Kazekage paused. For some reason an ominous chill ran up his spine at the pitying look his friend was giving him. "Most important reason?"

Naruto put the glasses down on Gaara's desk and began to pour with a solemn gaze. "Gaara… don't pretend that you managed to sprout Shukaku's tail in its full glory and Shadow-nee has yet to find out…"

The room was silent for a good half a minute as the pair stared at one another… with the more mature of the two's eyes slowly widening in realization, revelation, fear, and finally trauma.

"You suppressed the memories didn't you?"

In response, sand appeared in front of the Kazekage and began to compress itself so strongly that it turned into a glass nearly three times the size of the one his friend produced. "That better be some good shit Naruto, because if it isn't I'm going to murder you in cold blood for making me remember that hellish experience."

The blond teen chuckled as he began to pour. "To memories it is then. Cheers."

o. o. o.

Omake: Third times' the charm:

Konoha Hospital:

Ghost shivered in his bed, stuck in a full body cast and unable to move in the slightest. _"Why do I suddenly fear a great fear?"_

A subtle knock on his door caught his attention before it opened and revealed an older, more mature, and gently smiling Hinata Hyuga.

" _Ah. That's why."_

"Hello Ghost-sensei. I heard you were back."

The door quietly closed behind her.

"Where's Naruto-kun?"

The room was deadly silent as the two parties stared at one another as if sizing the other up… daring the other to make the first move.

And then a sudden storm of air launched the injured party complete with bed through the sixth story window and to the concrete below.

Smart man.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Welp. There's another chapter. Sorry for the wait, but writers block has really been getting to me lately. I know what I want, but actually writing it has been a bit more annoying.

I must admit, part of the reason why it took so long was because I was playing Monster Hunter 3 for the 3ds… and playing… and playing… and playing… yeah, I've been on that thing for a while.

So long story short, I got the condo. Lost my job. Found a renter, who I found out later is the recently divorced father of an old high school friend that moved away and used to be a woman but is now a guy. Traveled to NYC and all over Connecticut a few times to find a job. Somehow got accepted into this heavy program that trains IT specialists (I'm getting the Manager training) for fortune 500 companies, and I'll have virtually no life come the end of May.

Oh, and I'm 24 as of roughly 3 weeks ago.

Yeah. I had a lot of stuff happen recently.

So odds are a few people are going to be a bit irked about how I'm treating Naruto, primarily how I just out of the blue gave him a personality disorder… well, another one to add to the voices in his head. I did this on purpose to make this realistic as much as possible. Ghost has long been messing with his head, and while it is often funny, there are consequences and darker aspects to this.

There is a reason why Ghost and most of the Oogakari treats virtually everything like a joke and not a problem, and it's not simply because it helps him deal with it easier. It's because he really doesn't care about the consequences of these problems because 1. most of the time they have nothing to do with him and 2. He's seen so much vastly worse things in his travels that most of the time these problems are as dire to a child crying over an ice cream cone to him. The reason why he helps people out is because he simply wants to do good things every once in a while as a halfway decent guy, but he doesn't really care about the people he's helping.

Due to Naruto's experience, which will be elaborated on later, he's not dead to feeling other people's plights, but he is absolutely without pity now. This means that he is more likely to kill and do cruel things now if needed, though he as a person is still against it as a general rule and prefers to help people in trouble out.

And yes. I made Gaara bloody EPIC and gave Kankuro a ninjutsu railgun. Once again. A FUCKING. NINJUTSU. RAILGUN.

Oh yeah. As for Shukaku being in sage mode all the time, come on. It had to be done sooner or later. I mean just look at the guy!

So… I think that's it for now! Sorry for the wait guys!

Review! Worship the Log! Beware of falling immortals from the sixth story of hospitals! And REVIEW AGAIN!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Three: Ever have to wake up early for something that you generally don't want to do… and then for some reason wake up an hour before that for no reason at all? It is indeed a great evil that must be solved and murdered with sadistic glee.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With Naruto:

"Let's see." The blond looked at the remains of his mother's old town from the top of a tree on the outskirts. "Overall unimpressive ruins of a normal looking village at the coast of the sea. Tons of rampant and unrestrained plant growth. No obvious signs of human life. Average signs of animal life. No outstanding chakra signatures inside or outside of the place. And no signs of recent major conflict or activity… I'm betting a thousand ryo that I accidentally trigger at least a dozen traps while we're here."

" **I have no need for your human money, and even if I did have it I know better than to go up against odds that bad."** Kurama snorted right next to him.

" _Same here."_ Minato agreed from within his son. _"Any money we would have would technically be yours anyway."_

"… Would any of you like to take out a loan?"

" _Hell no."_ His mother snorted, clearly in a bad mood. She had not seen her old home since she was taken away as a child, and while she did consider herself a citizen of Konoha, the view before her still hurt.

"Eh. Couldn't hurt to ask." The youngest there shrugged. "So what do you guys honestly think? Considering this was supposed to be a pretty sizeable village back in the day means that there should have been quite a number of people here over the years. Its location made it pretty valuable as a military base too if the Daimyo wanted to use it, but since it's all rotting and left alone…"

" _It's likely that there are indeed old traps here."_ Minato concluded. _"No one wanted to work on the place out of fear of triggering them and loosing men and resources. Plus it's a bit out of the way, so even getting the proper people and equipment here would have been expensive. Since the shinobi nations are demilitarizing or had more important tasks at the time, I wouldn't be surprised if the lord just left the area alone. The locals probably don't come here because they are aware of the traps, but also believe that the place is haunted or something along those lines."_

" **A fine way to respect old comrades, wouldn't you say?"** The fox yawned. **"Say what you wish about me, at least my kin does not overflow with hypocrisy."**

" _No, they just blow things up mindlessly and do absolutely nothing productive in the mean time."_ Kushina snarked.

"Oi oi. Calm down you two. Honestly, sometimes I wonder who the married couple really is. You can go for one another's throats after we explore the potentially dangerous dead village." Naruto sighed as he took out a scroll and unraveled it to reveal two sealing matrixes. With a brief pulse of chakra, two humanoid puppets dressed in ANBU gear, only with black masks with white fox decorations appeared and floated in front of him. Another instant later Naruto had put his hands on their backs and forced his mother's and father's souls into the constructs, causing them to gain color and flesh. "You guys good?"

"A bit stiff." Minato joked as he hopped a little bit to get used to his temporary body. He did not have as much power as he did when he was alive as he couldn't regenerate his own chakra anymore, being completely dependent on his son in order to keep on existing, but he could still give most S ranked shinobi a run for their money as he was before being forced to return again. "I take it that Kushina and I are to go on ahead and check for traps?"

"Seals." Naruto corrected as he put his scroll away. "Normal traps I can handle, but seals are your specialties. You know that I'm nothing special in that department."

"You're not bad. You're no master, but you aren't talentless." Kushina hugged her son briefly. "It's not like being an Uzumaki automatically makes you special at it or give you some miracle bloodline that would make you understand every seal you see or let you make seals as fast as your father. That would be stupid. You just have your specialties in a different area."

" **Royally screwing everything up."** Kurama nodded knowingly before getting slapped upside the head by Minato. **"I will end you!"**

"You already did. Remember?" The former Hokage countered wryly.

"Why do you think I'm sending these two first?" Naruto snorted knowingly at the growling fox, not at all insulted by the earlier comment. "Besides, this trip was more for Mom and Dad anyways. Anything we find will more than likely help them out more than me." He paused briefly. "And can you stop with the dead jokes already? Ero-Ni should have never introduced you two to Brook."

"Skull joke!" The married couple chanted at the same time merrily.

"No!" The youngest snapped. "No skull joke! Bad! You know I hate all things revolving around necromancy unless I can exploit it in some way or if the results don't suck! I had a hard enough time wearing that damn half zombie guy thing as a backpack because for some log forsaken reason his stomach was a hammerspace!"

" **Sometimes I wish that the shinigami just took my entire soul that night. It would have made things so much simpler."** The fox groaned, ignoring the zombie backpack incident. **"A living skeleton with an afro that gets better by drinking milk. It is so bizarre that I can only rationalize it by associating it with you Naruto."**

"Come on Kurama, he's a good guy. Even you liked his music." Minato tried to placate the demon.

"Oh quit your moaning. At least you can say that you aren't related to them." Naruto grunted just as evenly before turning to the two that he was related to. "Just go on ahead and experiment with the possibly deadly traps that may or may not exist will you? I'm just going to wait here a bit. Kurama, you're in charge of making sure I don't do anything stupid."

" **Great, I have the dangerous job."**

"Sucks to be you." Kushina smirked under her mask, not at all arguing against the Fox's statement before disappearing in a shunshin.

"We'll be back soon." Minato nodded before also vanishing.

"Well they're gone." Naruto yawned as he lay back on the branch he was on. "I'm gonna take a nap. Haven't slept since we got back actually."

The fox looked at its container warily. **"You actually wish to sleep without your kin or I inside to stabilize your mind? You wouldn't be able to get five minutes before waking up in a cold sweat."**

The blond shrugged as he closed his eyes. "Hey I gotta get used to it sooner or later. I can't rely on you guys for every time I get a mental breakdown."

Kurama shook his head and curled up into a ball on a nearby branch. **"Suit yourself. I will keep watch in case something irregular does happen in the very brief time you are asleep, as unlikely as it is."**

"Who are you kidding? You're rolling with me Kurama. Never doubt the odds." Naruto smirked before he slowed his breathing and allowed his exhaustion to slowly wash over his mind and body, clouding out everything he perceived of the outside world…

_Walking down the hallway, he could hear the screaming of countless people. Gender, race, age, intelligence, family, health, religion, country, species, condition, it made no difference. They were all there. There was no discrimination. They were all tortured ruthlessly._

_And he was unable to look away even though he wanted to. His body was not under his control._

_He saw a small colored girl bolted to a chair scream her lungs out as her left leg was skinned to match her skinless right. Around her the sadistic doctors paid her no mind and merely kept notes._

_Stop._

_To his right, he saw a married couple in two fused but separated prison cells watch as the other was either avoiding being eaten alive by the rats around their feet, or pecked full of holes by the crows around their heads. Neither had not a scrap of clothing to protect them in the slightest. He could already tell that several toes and fingers were eaten away and half their hair was gone. It looked like one of their eyes was taken out too._

_The animals didn't care about their predicament. They were just hungry. There was nothing inherently evil about their actions._

_Why again?_

_A little further he saw some sort of female humanoid alien with several insect like arms, half of them already removed, being raped by a group of rather crude and disgusting large men in every way possible. He couldn't look away as the one of them complained about her being too loose, and as a result prompted one of the other men there to cut off another of her arms, apparently to make the pain cause her to "tighten up" again. It seemed to have worked because the one who complained earlier moaned in pleasure moments later._

_An hour later, they had gotten bored with her and chopped off her head before moving to another alien woman, this time she was part fish or something._

_At least they ended her quickly._

_Why won't it stop already?_

_Even further down he saw some sort of giant insect species dragging people into their nests where they were wrapped up in some sort of silk and injected with a peculiar fluid from their stingers. They were all very much alive and awake and in pain. He watched as one of the older human residents, a young boy no older than ten screamed frantically as his webbing expanded and burst out in blood and gore. From the dead child's body emerged dozens of smaller versions of the insects that wasted no time consuming the body mindlessly._

_Every image of the boy's skull being cracked open and his organs torn apart was permanently etched into his mind._

_Then again he was already dead by that point. Might as well put his remains to use. Not like there was any difference between feeding those monsters and feeding countless worms…_

_This is so sick and annoying and wrong. Just free me and let me stop this shit already! All of this is pointless!_

_Living human musical instruments. People trapped in their own minds. Creatures treating mankind as cattle and vise versa. Experimentation. Genocide. Fratricide. Suicide. Isolation. Overexposure. Lobotomies. Insanity. Rationality. Confusion…_

_He was getting too used to watching it all…_

_He could have stopped it all. His body was there as well as his power and equipment. Unrestrained. Unguarded. Unhindered... but his body was not under his control, so he could only watch._

_If only he was in control again. If only he could move as he wished, he could save all these people… stop their suffering… make their screams stop… end this endless show… give him peace…_

_Yet the twisted carnival had more tricks to play on its lone spectator. Without warning reality began to twist upon itself. It did not stop the show, but instead merely changed who the performers were. Not illusions, but echoes across the realities met the trapped teen's eyes as he saw each torture start anew with different people, ages, numbers, species, genders, religions and other specifying traits played the roles of both torturer and tortured. All without caring about his existence. All without end._

_A man's voice broke through the violent chaos. It was not gentle, serene, holy, or anything along those lines… however it was calm. Calm and stern and full of finality that emitted a sense of stability and rationality that was not present anywhere else in this land of hell._

" _There was a saying that to truly test a person's mettle, give them power… however this is not the only way. Give them the ability to change. To influence. To affect others… then take it all away. Make them watch the world turn in all its cruel glory. Ensure that they cannot look anywhere else or run. Make them realize how helpless they truly are to stop things when it mattered, that it would continue even if they could move as they wished… and then free them… and let them fall."_

" _It makes one wonder, if they do ever manage get back up after crashing to the earth that they thought they knew so well…_

… _What broke from the impact… what was broken before they ever landed?_

_Better still… did they ever realize they were still falling when they finally did land?"_

Naruto's eyes snapped open as he breathed heavily, looking around himself frantically to see that he was still in the forest.

" **Well then. You proved me wrong once again."** Kurama stated calmly from his spot.

" **You managed to sleep for eight minutes this time."**

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Well this is a new setup." Ino mused as she walked to Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke just before they went into the Hokage's office. "I don't think we've been put together like this before."

"The raw offensive capabilities of the old team seven with Ino's sensory and poison skills." Kakashi mused as he opened the door for the others. "There're only a handful of missions I can think of that would require our unusual status."

"The odds are likely that the one I give you falls under that category." Tsunade frowned as the door closed behind them and the room was instantly sealed to prevent anyone from eavesdropping.

Sasuke rose an eyebrow skeptically. Normally the office wasn't sealed during mission briefings for anything short of high A ranked or S ranked missions. Given the stern look on the Sanin's face, the Uchiha was willing to bet that this job was going to be a pain in the ass.

"I take it you all know that Ghost is back." The Hokage stated factually.

"I heard it through the grapevine." Kakashi shrugged as he read another book that he had taken out while no one was looking.

"I helped treat him a few nights ago." Sakura stated evenly. "Not even a full day here and he managed to get thrown out of the window four damn times. You should have heard the other nurses complain about fixing up the windows and rooms he destroyed."

"Sakura told me." Sasuke answered simply.

"Didn't need to hear about it." Ino yawned. "The air around the village is active again with his chakra. It's not interfering with my sensing, more like a very faint annoying buzzing in the background that I have to get used to. Only the more sensitive sensors are able to pick it up from what I can tell, let alone know what it is."

"Good." The eldest there frowned. "Then you know that the current story around town with regards to Naruto is that he made a detour to Myobokuzan to do some last second training with the toads before returning to active duty."

The four standing in front of her looked at her with resignation emanating from them in one way or another. "And the real story is?" Sasuke sighed, knowing he wasn't going to like what he was going to hear.

Tsunade maintained her poker face, however no one there missed the killing intent in the room slowly rise. "Long story short, Naruto somehow managed to successfully ambush Ghost while they were in the elemental nations and ran away to more or less… be on a self imposed vacation."

The room was silent for a good while as the four digested the information.

"… I shouldn't be surprised by this." Sasuke shook his head. "I really shouldn't."

"I won't kill him." Sakura smiled serenely while flexing her hands to crack her knuckles expertly. "I'll just break his limbs in several places and ensure that the Kyubi can't heal them. Killing him is Hinata's job and she will no doubt far surpass my expectations."

"Just when you think he can't outdo himself, he raises the bar." Ino groaned. "Again."

"I may have understated it when I called him the village's most unpredictable shinobi." Kakshi sighed, surprised enough that he actually put his book away. "I see why we were gathered here now. We're a tracking, heavy assault, and capture team. Dare I ask if there was any reason in particular why Naruto decided to take his leave on his own? He does do impulsive things, but rarely without reason."

The Hokage closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "This information is not to leave this room under any circumstances. It is S ranked and punishable by at least expulsion of the ranks and having your memories wiped."

The mood in the room instantly turned somber.

"Naruto's training turned out to be harsher on his psyche than anyone originally anticipated." She continued darkly. "While he is exceptionally stronger physically and mentally, his emotional capabilities have been wrecked. In particular, his ability to empathize with others in distress, or in layman's terms he's virtually unable to feel people's pain anymore or tell when his actions might hurt others emotionally. From what I've been told he is very much aware of this and he sure as hell doesn't like it. It's one of the leading reasons why he chose to do what he did. His logic is that he needs to spend time with normal civilians and people in order to regain some of what he has lost. There's a sense of stability and normalcy out there that he would not apparently be able to get in Konoha."

"Can't technically argue with that." Kakashi mused as he went over the list of more chaotic individuals that resided in the hidden village. More often than not they had some sort of strong connection to the blond.

"Desensitization and drastic reduction of empathetic concern?" Ino frowned as she briefly went through the psychology lessons that her clan crammed into her head. "Naruto was nuts but he always cared about how everyone else felt. He was also one of the most stubborn people in the village. What the hell did Ghost do to him?"

"Without going into details, Ghost showed the brat too much." Tsunade stated ominously. "He showed the brat too much and prevented him from looking away for even a second."

"That certainly brings up a few unwanted memories…" Kakashi mused as he recalled similar training during his time in the ANBU to remove any sort of emotional hesitation he might encounter during his mission, although he had a feeling that the immortal took it up to untold extremes in his version.

"Why me though?" Ino continued. "Wouldn't Hinata be better? She's a hell of a lot stronger than me and she's got a better relationship with Naruto, not to mention she's got the byakugan."

"Hinata's byakugan is strong, but it does not have the range and chakra sensitivity that you possess." Sakura answered, already putting the pieces together. "We have a better chance of finding him with you. If we can't find him, we won't be able to fight him in the first place."

"So why aren't I with the tracking team then?" The Yamanaka continued. "We'd have a better shot of finding him that way."

"Naruto has mastered his wind manipulation so much that he can fly over long distances." The Hokage state bluntly, causing the team to wince. "It wouldn't be difficult to imagine him already on the other side of the continent from where he started by now."

"Ah." Sakura grimace as she looked at Sasuke. "So that's why we were picked then."

"This mission is to be told to no one." Tsunade continued as she took out a scroll and handed it to Kakashi. "Inside is all the data we have on Naruto after his training, straight from Ghost. It has his new moves, his habits, pictures, and an overall estimation of his mental condition."

"Another question." The Ino raised her hand. "How the hell are we supposed to take him down if things somehow get too rough and he goes Kyubi on us?" A brief flinch from the rest of the group indicated that they too just remembered that Naruto's abilities extended far past his arsenal of massively destructive techniques.

"There's no need for concern there." The Hokage sighed and rubbed her temple. "For better or for worse, apparently, Ghost "overdid" it with Naruto's training and claimed the brat was too strong if he used the Kyubi's chakra or his other backup power in a fight, so he sealed them off "to keep things interesting.""

"… Are you sure we can't just keep him out of the village?" Sasuke asked skeptically. "I can't help but feel safer if we did that."

"We already have the Oogakari here Sasuke, might as well let Naruto join the fun too." Kakashi sighed.

"Is there anything else we need to know about Tsunade-sama?" Sakura asked warily, knowing that any additional information given by this point would be both good and bad news.

The eldest one there nodded darkly. "Mm. A bird came in a couple of days ago. I was going to announce it to the others later today, but this takes priority with you. Akatsuki's finally begun to move for the jinchuriki."

"Already?" Kakashi asked as the rest of the shinobi there frowned, their irritation with Naruto vanishing in an instant.

"We've received word that the Rokubi has already been captured. The bird I mentioned was from Suna. Gaara was attacked by two of their members, but with some help from Shikamaru and some of the residents there, he managed to heavily injure one and push them back. Unfortunately though both Sasori of the Red Sand and the terrorist bomber Deidara managed to escape with their lives."

"And behind the official story?" Kakashi questioned, already able to tell that there was something omitted from what they were just told.

"The Kazekage informed Shikamaru through the veil of casual dialogue that Naruto was there and helped protect his people from one of Deidara's more… creative bombs without anyone noticing." Tsunade admitted shamelessly. "Gaara was the only one that Naruto revealed himself to, somehow he managed to pick up some of Ghost's annoying stealth habits, so not even Akatsuki is aware that he was there thankfully. According to the Kazekage, the brat seemed to behave the same as usual, however there were times where he was a bit more impulsive and recklessly without thinking his actions through. He was concerned about Naruto's mental health, noting that he did seem to have undergone some sort of major traumatic experience. There were distinct signs of sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion."

"Gaara would know about that." Sakura nodded. "He spent the first dozen years of his life constantly awake after all."

"I'm kinda surprised he told us this." Ino rose an eyebrow. "Aren't he and Naruto tight? Why would he rat him out like that?"

"It's because they're close that he's doing it." Kakashi answered. "Obviously he's worried enough about Naruto's well being to ignore his request. Considering how much we tend to ignore his behavior and trust him to do the right thing but Gaara told us anyways, I don't consider it to be a good sign."

"Do we have a better idea of what Naruto meant by "vacation"?" Sasuke inquired. "You know how we tend to twist the meaning of words around to get what we want."

"From what Shikamaru sent us, we're under the impression that he's just wandering around the elemental nations doing whatever the hell he wants for a few months without supervision. He won't instigate anything on purpose or confront the Akatsuki, but that doesn't mean he won't get involved if he feels it is needed as the event in Suna shows." The Hokage summarized. "He even stated that if Akatsuki started going after him in particular again he would come right back, but until then he's flying wild."

"Several months is a long time." Kakashi mused as he filtered through all of what he remembered from the future. "Any chance he mention about how he was going to do damage control when his luck tanks again?"

No one missed the fact that he said "when" and not "if".

"Can we possibly not be around when that happens?" Ino asked hopefully, only for the rest in the room to give her a sharp look in response. "Figures."

"We're under the impression that he will occasionally go to locations that are or rumored to be experiencing unusual activities. Obviously this would more than likely cause things to go out of control, however his track record for stabilizing such situations speaks for itself. At the very least though, he should be smart enough to not announce who he is to everyone in a five kilometer radius."

o. o. o.

Flashback:

Naruto stood on top of a giant robot standing in the middle of a war zone consisting of primarily demons, knights, and wizards, all of whom were staring at him with a similar expression that could be summed up as WTF, with his arms crossed and his chest puffed out proudly.

"I AM THE FERAL GALE! I AM THE STUDENT OF THE CURSED MEMORY! I CAST THE WIND MAGIKS THAT MAKE THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN AND THE OTHER STUFFS BLOW UP! COME AT ME BITCHES! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

To this day, Naruto couldn't remember how he managed to get his hands on the giant robot, let alone get it to the middle of the battlefield without anyone noticing.

o. o. o.

"… Hopefully." She added at the end of her sentence in an almost pleading tone.

"So while we're out running blind, you'll be sending stronger teams out to missions that fit that category." Kakashi summarized, making a list of all the missions that fit that category.

"Unless you have a better idea." The woman snorted. "The brat was a pain to keep track of when he was only in the village."

"Why not use the Oogakari to find him?" Ino asked. "Wouldn't Ghost be eager as hell to get back at him?"

"He would if he didn't already say that he deserved it and then some before crying about how proud he was that the idiot finally managed to get one up on him." Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"Should have seen that coming." Sakura groaned.

"And the others?" Sasuke asked.

"They refused." The Hokage once more lamented on how frustrating it was dealing with individuals that she had no genuine control over that lived in her own damn village. For a leader of assassins and warriors, it was more than a bit frustrating. "They're more interested in how things will turn out like this than actually controlling the situation. They won't help us in the slightest unless something exceptionally big happens… maybe."

"Sounds like something they'd say." Kakashi nodded as if agreeing that what she had just stated matched their profiles. "Overall though, the mission is pretty simple. It's just finding and getting Naruto back will be exceptionally hard."

"Trying to fight him head on would be stupid. We don't want to deal with damage control on his level so soon." Sasuke shrugged. "His danger would triple that in mid air, though thankfully he wouldn't be able to break as much there. I doubt anyone would be able to overpower him in the sky save for Ghost or maybe the Tsuchikage."

"How DID Naruto pull one over on Ghost?" Ino raised an eyebrow.

"Trust me. You don't want to know." The Hokage deadpanned. "I found out, and I got pissed. Then I found out the details and I decided not to bother asking about any more of the Oogakari's mental traumas. It's just not worth it."

"Noted." Kakashi stated without missing a beat before taking the files and scrolls that his boss left out for him. "We'll go over the data tonight and leave tomorrow morning. Any ideas as to where he could be now?"

"He was last seen in Suna several days ago, but with his mobility he could literally be anywhere now. If he's smart he'll stay away from any major cities, villages, or places he's made a name for himself. This includes Ame and Iwa. If he's being reckless he'd at least show up in one of the more visited tourist areas or places that are deemed off limits."

"And if he was just doing whatever the hell he wanted on a limb and just didn't want to be bothered by any of his normal chaos just yet?" Ino offered skeptically.

"He'd go to somewhere either isolated or dangerous, but notable to him in some way. He'd probably make some crack about hoping he didn't wreck it while there at some point too." Sasuke shrugged. "I know I would."

"Didn't the Uzumaki have its own village that got destroyed?" Sakura raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. "No one ever built on top of it did they?"

"He was interested in visiting it at one point or another." Kakashi nodded. "But it would be too obvious of a place to visit first. He'd know it would be one of the first places we'd look once we found out that he was gone."

"But we'd know that he would visit eventually." Ino pointed out. "If he was there, I'd be able to tell since his chakra infused air would still linger, and if he wasn't we could set up a trap."

"Sounds like a good enough starting point." Sasuke agreed while taking the folder. "I suggest starting on his combat potential first. We need to know what he can do just in case… though odds are if we do find him he'll just try to run away after the first few techniques. Those exploding clones of his are annoying as hell."

"Still better than the cows." Sakura mumbled as she pocketed her own scroll.

"Ain't that the truth." Ino snorted. "Choji still momentarily hesitates whenever beef is on the barbecue."

o. o. o.

Amegakure:

"Any chance you gonna share while we enjoy the show this time?" Kisame asked Itachi casually as they stood on a balcony that overlooked a massive underground arena that Pain used to test potential members of Akatsuki. It was a wide and empty room, nearly a square acre with a high ceiling and several pillars to keep the ceiling up, but other than that it was fairly sparse and unremarkable.

Down below, Konan and Hidan stood a fair distance from one another. One was stoic and seemingly emotionless. The other on the other hand had no hesitation with his endless childish albeit violent threats that yielded no response.

Itachi didn't say anything as he continued to slowly gnaw on the piece of pocky in his mouth, hidden from the view of most by the high collar coat that he wore.

"Yeah." The swordsman sighed disappointedly. "I figured as much."

"Anyone want to make bets?" Kakuzu walked up to the pair without any reservation.

"Don't see the point." Kisame grinned. "You need someone to bet on both sides for the system to work." Obviously no one in the organization had any faith in Hidan's success despite his inability to die.

"Couldn't hurt to ask." The heart thief shrugged. "I'm somewhat hoping that she doesn't find a way to completely off him here."

"Somewhat?" Kisame's surprise was warranted. Kakuzu's loathing of his current partner was only matched by Hidan's hatred of him, something that was not a secret among the others there.

"Hidan's useful. He's the only partner I haven't managed to kill yet, so he serves more of a purpose than anyone else I've worked with."

The swordsman chuckled, flashing his unnaturally sharp teeth. "I'd suggest that you'd stop trying to do that, but until Itachi I was pretty much in the same boat. It's a pretty interesting feeling isn't it? Killing your comrades."

"They're just people I work with. The only difference between them and my targets is I spend more time with one. Normally." The oldest member of Akatsuki snorted impassively. "I don't get sentimental like you."

Kisame snickered. "My my. And they call me a monster."

"To each their own." Itachi spoke up finally without looking at the others but still gaining their attention. And just like that all three of them had silently agreed to change the topic of conversation.

"True enough." Kakuzu nodded.

"Speaking of wrecked teammates." Kisame nodded towards the other side of the room where Deidara and Sasori were arguing about something pointless again. The puppet master had been using a spare body to get around normally while he fixed his original, but it still did nothing to stop everyone from commenting in their own way on his appearance. "Word is that Sasori's out of action till he fixes himself up."

"He wasn't even the one that fought the jinchuriki." The fact that Sasori lost as badly as he did to his _grandmother_ of all things and two teenagers had earned him a great deal of ridicule since he returned. Oh none of the members took his report on the Black Deer and Suna's potential lightly, nor his skills, but it did nothing to hold back the jabbing comments and jokes at his expense whenever they passed him in the halls. "Makes you wonder who Deidara's going to be stuck with for the time being."

"Who knows." Kisame was also pretty curious as to what would happen. Deidara was way too loose of a cannon to be left alone to his own devices, but then again sticking him with another group was just asking for trouble. Sticking two S ranked criminals together was already hard enough to cover up, and that was if they actually got along. Three was impossible to hide.

Then again, there was that large project that Leader was working on. If the whispers were true, the need for subtlety may be in short supply in the near future…

"Hey, just in case Konan does kill Hidan and you get Deidara, don't kill him ok? I've grown a soft spot for the kid. He's brings extra flair to our group."

"No promises."

Kisame turned to his own partner. "You saw it yourself Itachi. Now you can't say I didn't try to help him out."

Itachi replied by barely glancing at the taller man before looking down at the arena.

"Is he always this talkative?" Kakuzu asked skeptically. "Because if he is I wouldn't mind teaming up with him myself."

"Get your own." Kisame frowned. "This one's mine."

Itachi made a mental note to ask the swordsman later about how he was "Kisame's". Possibly with many sharp objects, illusions, and fire.

The snapping of the pocky in his mouth only proved his minor ire.

"What was that?" Kakuzu blinked before looking at the source. "… Are you actually eating candy? I didn't realize you were such a child Itachi."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you." Kisame laughed with a hint of nervousness that no one missed. Obviously he had understood why the candy had snapped in the first place. "Trust me. He doesn't like being called out on his guilty pleasure."

Neither of the taller men missed the fact that Itachi's Sharingan had taken a more malevolent flair right after the eldest's comment despite the fact that they were standing slightly behind him. While they were strong, neither one of them could claim that they were immune to Itachi's absurdly powerful illusions. Both were quite aware that all it took was a glance for the Uchiha to down them for good if he wanted.

"Who doesn't?" Kakuzu saved himself without hesitation. "Now if only Hidan didn't consist of nothing but bad habits and guilty pleasures…"

"True enough. I doubt that anyone here can stand him." Kisame spoke the truth. While many of the members of Akatuski didn't get along, Hidan was the one everyone could agree they disliked the most due to his personality and lack of skill. He was a good fighter true, but he relied too heavily on his immortality and voodoo jutsu to be respected by the others who had focused far more time on their craft. If it weren't for his special abilities, he'd at best be a jonin due to his severe lack of versatility. "Hell, it's because you don't hesitate to beat the shit out of him that you can keep him in line. The rest of us would give up and just ditch him after some point. Most likely in several pieces."

"Don't remind me." The heart thief grunted. "I'm just glad that someone else is doing the job for once. Speaking of which, I'm curious what Konan is going to do to him."

"Oh. That's right. You two have never seen her in action have you?" Kisame mused out loud.

Itachi and Kakuzu glance in the fishman's direction momentarily. The swordsman's statement reminded them that aside from Pain, Konan, and Zetsu, Kisame was rumored to be the oldest member of Akatsuki. Normally that would have entitled him to some sort of level of authority seeing as all three of the other founding members seemed to have a solid sway of things, however it did not seem to be the case. Hell, most of the other members tended to forget his seniority on them due to his casual personality and the lack of any sort of power he had over them.

"She is Leader's partner. That alone speaks for her strength." Itachi evenly stated the obvious... which Hidan had blatantly ignored in the first place.

"Regardless of what we know of her, we'll find out momentarily regardless." Kakuzu agreed, his eyes lingering on Kisame for just a bit longer than he would have liked before something caught his attention. "Well speak of the devil."

Kisame laughed as Pain's Deva Path appeared in between the two members. "Careful. You know the boss fancies himself a god. He might take that personally."

"Shut up. You're distracting me from the show."

Nagato looked through Yahiko's body to see Konan and Hidan standing in place, obviously ready to go. Of course most people were unable to tell much from Konan since her facial expressions did not change much since their friend and her lover died, however Nagato had been with her for years. He could tell that she was secretly itching to take Hidan down a peg or two. Hell, everyone in the organization wanted to do it, it was just he and his friend was far better at hiding it than the others. Besides, their goal was more important than putting the idiot worshipper of some random god in his place.

"You will fight when I say so. You will stop when I say so. You will not receive aid. You will keep the fight to inside this room. You will accept the outcome when it is over. You will obey my rules." Every command he stated was laced with finality to the point that even Hidan got the hint that it was in his best interests to follow them.

"Tch. Fine. Just don't bitch when I make your toy there scream." The priest grunted, clearly not liking the fact that he would have to stop. "Jashin-sama only accepts of total slaughter. Leaving the target alive is against my religion."

"Then I will just have to be thorough in my victory." Konan evenly replied, causing the real Nagato to momentarily develop a faint smirk.

"What was that you bitch?!" Hidan snapped.

"It is pointless to say anything else." The Deva path sighed before it disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "Fight."

With a sadistic cry, the priest unsurprisingly went on the offensive first and threw his triple bladed scythe at his opponent with speed that would catch most shinobi off guard.

Obviously though, Konan was no ordinary shinobi. The instant the woman was hit by the weapon, her body exploded into a large cloud of paper that for the most part harmlessly let the tool pass right through it before suddenly rapidly charging at Hidan.

Said target blinked in confusion. "The fuck? Paper?! Of all the weak ass shit I have to sacrifice to Jashin-sama…" Grimacing, the man jumped back to put more distance between him and the oncoming cloud before yanking back on the thick chord that connected him to his weapon. However he wasn't done yet. With a quick flair of chakra into the cable, one of the tool's hidden features and caused the three blades to spin in opposite directions and at different speeds, turning it into a massive deadly fan.

Moments before the flurry of paper that was Konan overcame Hidan, the crimson tool overcame her from behind and shredded apart the parchment that came in contact with it and forcing the rest, which was still the majority of it, away in every direction.

Kisame whistled as the insane man deftly caught his weapon as its spinning blades stopped with an audible click. "Didn't know that thing of his could do that. I always thought that his scythe had tricks to it. It was too big to think otherwise."

"He doesn't use it that often." Kakuzu snorted. "He complains that it kills his targets too quickly. Not enough time to properly offer them to his retarded god. Idiot."

That was as far as the conversation went as everyone saw the remains of the paper reformed itself in midair above the priest, revealing the top half of the blue haired woman with the addition of two passive paper wings that made her resemble a twisted sort of angel. Her body and skin were no longer unblemished as well as it appeared as if her figure had not completely made the transition between paper and human, looking like she was likely to fall apart into her element again if hit hard enough.

"And they think I like to showboat." Hidan snorted, clearly not intimidated by the woman's appearance just before the paper in the wings went rigid, giving her a more malevolent form.

And then she began to fire off paper like rain.

Swearing twice as much as before, Hidan bolted away as fast as he could to avoid the oncoming attack. He didn't bother to pay attention to area behind him getting hit so hard that it exploded as he jumped to one of the pillars in the room, landed on its side several meters up, and used it as a platform to reach the floating woman that was now within his range, not bothering to notice the dozens of razor sharp projectiles that was tearing him apart as he approached his target.

However, much to his annoyance, Konan merely floated out of the way during his second leap, preventing him from bringing the fight up close. His attempt to adapt to this by throwing his scythe again as he flew in the opposite direction of his target met with equal failure as Konan proved to be more agile in the sky than he had anticipated and flew around it as well… and then unleashed another salvo of paper projectiles at him.

Cursing once again as his weapon was still away from his body, Hidan frantically whipped his tool to try and get the woman from behind before he finally landed on the side of another pillar and quickly ran on its edge to get to the other side.

Without bothering to pay attention to the tool behind her, Konan wordlessly erected a paper shield as strong as steel at her back almost instantly, causing the scythe to bounce harmlessly off of it and spin widely around the pillar, inadvertently showing exactly where on it Hidan was hiding.

"Do you think he noticed what she's doing?" Kisame grinned hungrily.

"What do you think?" Kakuzu snorted.

The Zealot decided to try his hand at ranged combat still as his scythe traveled behind the pillar and around the other side to keep up the assault. However before it even made it half way to the woman, Konan took the initiative and manifested hundreds of pieces of paper that spun around the stone, hiding it in a twister of white.

It seemed to be doing whatever Konan had intended if Hidan's increase of shouting was any indication.

As expected, the attack forced him to move out of his no longer safe location and he leapt to the side of the pillar, covered in both papercuts and pieces of paper that stuck to him like a second skin. The coil to his scythe still attached to his right arm which was whipping around frantically, though those watching could easily tell that the paper sticking to him was impeding his movements.

Konan dodged the first passing of the scythe as well as the subsequent slow arcs with ease before the tool lost its range and began to fall with its owner to the side. Seeing the opening, she once again began to rain origami hell upon the priest…

When the bladed end of the scythe, which was pointed at her, suddenly launched out like a spring straight at her and the topmost blade nicked the side of her face.

Kisame blinked. "Ok. Color me surprised. Since when did Hidan actually fight with a shred of cunning?"

Kakuzu shrugged emotionlessly. Obviously he was not caught off guard by the scythe's hidden functions. "There's a reason why the boss let him become a member. My guess is that he didn't realize how annoying the idiot was until later."

"Hindsight's always twenty twenty huh?"

"It would be less embarrassing if Hidan actually hid some of his tricks on purpose. Instead he doesn't use them because he's a childish fool who's more interested in his half assed god than doing his damn job." Kakuzu snorted as he watched his partner cheer insanely despite still being torn apart by Konan's attack in mid air.

"Spoken like a true atheist. I bet the only way you'd actually worship a god was if it was a god of money." Kisame grinned, not at all interested in the new turn of events. He already saw how the fight was going to end. "All hail money-sama."

"Keep talking Kisame. That topic of conversation was just what dead partners number four and nine were on before I tore their arms and legs off respectively." Kakuzu growled irritably as several black wiry tendrils wormed their way from his sleeves like agitated snakes.

"Oh?" The swordsman slowly reached for the massive sword on his back. "It seems I struck a chord with the closet worshipper…"

"Quiet." Itachi softly spoke up as Hidan landed on the ground and bolted around one of the pillars and farther back to begin his trademark voodoo ritual by stabbing his foot with his collapsible spare spike in his left hand while pulling back his scythe with the right. "The fight's not done yet."

The two men glanced at the second youngest member of Akatsuki. "So?" Kakuzu grunted just as Hidan's circle was hastily made and he rapidly began making the triangle. The priest loved his dramatics and properly doing his rituals which was why he normally took forever doing them, but when he was pressed for time he was actually pretty quick with the whole thing.

"The fight is merely an excuse." The Uchiha didn't bother to turn around as the seal was completed and red scythe finally returned to its owner. By this point Konan had just rounded the pillar he had been hiding behind. "It is rare enough that we have meetings with all of us present using leader's jutsu…"

Hidan laughed maniacally as he licked the tip of his weapon, drinking in Konan's blood and changing his skin to its distorted skeletal black and white patterns that made him look even more deranged. Already standing in his circle, he was more or less untouchable by Konan as any damage done to him would be dealt to her as well, only with Hidan's immortal state, he could take far more damage than she could. Without hesitating, the priest lunged with his spear at his chest…

Red blood sprayed everywhere.

"How long has it been since all of us were in the same location in person?"

Kakuzu and Kisame didn't bother to look at Hidan, who had not only been impaled by his own spike, by a paper spear of Konan's making as well which had gone through the madman's left arm, still holding the first spike, and through another part of his chest effectively pinning it to him, then further back and into the ground forcing his body to arc slightly backwards and give him a perfect view of his attacker.

"What?!" He coughed out liters of blood as his left and right lungs were impaled completely. Looking up at the floating woman with angelic wings, he saw that the only true blemish on her person was the tiny cut on her cheek that he had landed earlier. Her chest was not marred in the slightest, let alone twice. "What the fuck?!"

Had he been paying attention to what was around him, he would have notices that a small part of the seal he had made near one of the tips of the triangle had moved just enough to break the circle. Had he paid attention more, he would have noticed that not only that part of his seal, but several others were not drawn on the ground, but on pieces of paper that were laid flat on the ground that were the same color as the floor.

"Do you think that I would not know how your technique works?" The Angel of Ame stated emotionlessly as she moved her outstretched hand slightly, commanding more of the paper she had laid out on the ground when the fight started to move, dispelling the minor illusion that made them the same color as the surfaces they laid flat upon. He would have tried to jump away, however the dozens of pieces of paper that had latched his feet to the ground during his moment of shock made that impossible.

All it had really taken was for one piece that held part of Hidan's seal to move out of place for the technique to be rendered useless. It was actually kinda sad really.

Hidan's eyes widened as he realized what the woman was hinting at as he became trapped in another twister of white. "The hell? Don't tell me you did all of this from the beginning… that's fucking unfair! You knew of my moves but I didn't know yours!"

"It would have changed nothing." The woman coldly replied as the paper began to mummify the man. "This is your punishment for forgetting your place."

Struggling helplessly as his body was immobilized, the madman could do nothing as the Angel pierced him with a dozen more paper spears through all his major joints and his mouth so savagely that the tools impaled the ground as well, effectively securing and forcing him to arch back in a very uncomfortable position.

Kisame chuckled at the view. "Hell hath no fury. Looks like Hidan got on her nerves more than she let on. I bet she even earned a few bonus points with Sasori and Deidara with the way she left him. It does have an artistic feel to it..." He turned back to Itachi. "Now then, now that you have our attention Itachi do tell us what you think our dear leader wants by getting all of us here?"

It was only due to his familiarity with the Uchiha that Kisame noted the slightest of twitches in the Uchiha's facial expression as Pain appeared in the arena to officially stop the fight.

"… I don't know… however I doubt we will like it."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the Elemental Nations:

Scabbard Oogakari was a businessman that could exploit virtually any system he was given to make a large profit. It was what he did. He was good at it. It was the reason why he legally owned his family in no less than seven hundred and twenty nine universes.

Illegally… well it was easier to just say that the others had stopped counting at this point.

However this did not mean that he did not have some particular habits or patterns to some of his businesses. In fact, he had many that he could utilize in many worlds at once simply because said worlds' societies were virtually begging to be exploited in such ways. Many areas of business, while ethically looked down upon in many worlds, could easily be put into a better light if the ones in charge could just manage and control their system professionally and humanely.

One of his more frequently used, albeit highly unethical tactics though was one that many would not suspect him of using due to his widely known loathing of fangirls…

He was a pimp.

No, it was more accurate to call him the foremost manager and producer of many if not all successful prostitution related programs in the multiverse. So long as the society was developed enough, corrupt enough, and he was there for a long enough time, Scabbard Oogakari could and often would create a wide ranging prostitution system that covered multiple fetishes (child and potentially harmful fetishes excluded for obvious reasons of course) that could put most rings out of business…

And give him a very well established spy ring in the process.

His system was somewhat simple, though more complex than his competitors. After making or taking over a medium sized town's whorehouse for himself through one means or another, the man would first establish ground rules.

Each woman was to take up a craft in their spare time. Something that could land them a decent job outside of whoring themselves out. Cooking. Cleaning. Writing. Sewing. Acting. Miko training. Managing. Medicine. Bartending. Espionage. Etc. Etc. Some were even trained in the shinobi arts, albeit the more covert ones. Should they prove themselves competent, Scabbard would supply them with a mentor of sorts to further their education as an apprentice.

They would still be prostitutes during their varying "hours", however after they meet certain requirements, they could do other things for their houses as well, such as cooking meals, putting on shows, managing the accounts, fixing the building, expanding their clientele, etc. It was not surprising to see his outlets completely self sufficient in most of the major maintenance areas.

There were no actual "pimps" in the system to collect the finances as the prostitutes were their own managers after enough of them received enough financial management training, which normally took only around three to four months and were proven responsible enough, in which they were elevated to what was dubbed "big sister" status. Should they earn money during their apprenticeship and training, they could use it to pay off what they owed and not have to "work" for it if they so chose.

While this was rather risky, the women were quick to realize that Scab supplied them with far more protection, overall security, and dignity than anyone else could. The amount he took was more than what their previous bosses did, but what he provided was so, so much more. Their quality of life was significantly better in his system than if they were to try to make it out on their own. The money they turned into the system went to food, medical, birth control, housing, education, accidental children (to a degree), younger family members staying there, and the carefully selected missing nin that were hired to protect them.

And no one could forget the large variety of pleasure rooms that his workers spent a good amount of time in, and the toys they used.

… There was a reason why Ghost was the most in debt to Scab in the family.

Of course there were checks in place to ensure that no one took advantage of his generosity without consequences, involving but not limited to a rather interesting seal that would erase the prostitute's memories of the place and their friends should they go too far and several other things, however that was neither here nor there to discuss.

Often though, the seals were not needed. Prostitutes were frequently desperate individuals in most societies. They wouldn't be prostitutes if they weren't. Hence, if someone threatened to ruin a very good lifestyle of theirs, they would without a doubt react accordingly.

Few realized this, but an angry desperate prostitute with resources, range of skills, and a goal could be a very dangerous force of nature. A well taken care of small army of them even more so. Especially in a reputation heavily eastern influenced society like in the elemental nations…

This of course made protecting, monitoring, and ensuring that certain wrongs were corrected much cheaper on Scab's end. They did most of the work for him without having to say a word after he set up the rules to follow.

While financially it was not initially as lucrative as being a normal pimp, Scab's system had the benefit of being very attractive to the other prostitutes, who normally had rather significantly less pleasant bosses, which he would have no issue with inducting into the system. This in turn caused his territory to grow rapidly with workers that were all very happy to be under his employment.

Virtually every "house" under his influence that was in a different city or location went by a different name and theme, as to ensure that outsiders would not connect the dots and realize that one person was controlling them all. Despite this though, each building had methods of communicating with one another nearly instantly thanks to a series of seals and devices that in the end acted like a standard desktop, allowing information to travel between the buildings and countries insanely fast when compared to the world's standard. Only the most trusted of information specialists in each building were taught and allowed to use them.

The immortal was not stupid enough to create such an obvious connection between one of his biggest investments and everything else it was related to. Internally however, each small family of abandoned women and men knew that they owed their turn of life to Scab and the greater hidden family they were a part of.

Idiots ran giant companies with the expectation to influence the world the way they wished. The smart ones only had to ensure that they could speak and listen to the right people whenever they needed to get the job done.

Many of the "houses" he had promoted quality entertainers of both genders. The experienced and sought after employees were encouraged to teach the others some of their tricks, though never all of them. Said higher members were often trained in espionage as well, as word of their skill and beauty reached the local lords nearby… and then the more prominent nobility…

His system did not simply stop there however. It would be insulting to Scabbard's intelligence if it did.

His business went further to offer alternative jobs to the prostitutes that did not wish to sell their bodies all the time to make a living, going out of its way to promote the men and women to educate themselves. Quite frequently, these people who were unfortunate enough to never obtain an education of their own, who learned crafts while selling their bodies, earned solid occupations and even occasionally opened their own stores. Quite often they obtained a small investment from the generous if a bit emotionless father figure in the process to give them a small boost in their new path of life… and remind them where they had come from and where the family that helped pick them up would always be…

And thus Scab's ears and eyes expanded further.

But why stop there?

More often than not, many of the individual businesses that were started by his former employers would start to produce products that the rest of the world had never seen before. New fabrics. New inventions. New tools. New chemicals. More efficient banking systems. New toys. Etc. Nothing provided was exceptional of course, but they were enough to catch the interest of the public…

And most importantly, little to none of it would have to do with the Shinobi world.

Prostitutes once more came into play here. Marketing was after all so much easier with a small army of attractive men and women that frequently interact with the local populaces of virtually every major city around at your beck and call with samples to throw in everyone's face… among other things.

On and on these minor discoveries would appear in a controlled and believable manner, causing the businesses and companies under his influence to grow into very sizeable empires. This in turn would of course catch the eyes of both the greedy and savvy nobles there, gaining him even more influence over society.

From there, all it took were the right rumors and words for him to gain a very heavy influence in the government.

It was not uncommon for the man to completely and indirectly own lesser developed countries via this method without their knowing within six years so long as he wasn't too distracted.

By the time Naruto had arrived from his training, Scab's empire, which had been started since he first arrived roughly four years earlier, had extended its reaches to every layer of the elemental Nation's societies in all of the major countries and many of the minor ones. He was known, under his alias as "Fenrir" or "Papa", as the largest supplier of quality entertaining individuals in the elemental nations.

Many of the businesses he had established behind the scenes were only just reaching the significant status needed to gain the attention of the nobles, so it would not be long till the Legacy's Prophet would more or less be able to control the nations as he wished if he bothered to use them.

Still, thanks to his setup, Scab could find out much in the matter of days. Not anything, no. He was never foolish enough to assume that, however there was little he could not discover so long as it was not a nationally kept secret. All in all, while it was slower to set up and didn't give him nearly as much access to the hidden villages and shinobi world like his weapon dealing business did, it did give him far more of a hold on the economy and political world while staying anonymous.

Needless to say, there was a small period of time when the rest of his family called him "Little Finger" in reference to this particular approach.

They stopped after he exploited his system to rob them of every penny they had in a single day. They had no evidence that he was responsible for it, but everyone sure as hell knew he was.

To his mild surprise, while Jiraiya indeed unknowingly frequented his businesses while gathering information, not once had the Sage actually do more than openly flirt and drink with his employees. Apparently he was more loyal to Tsunade than people thought…

It still didn't prevent him from recording some of the man's more interesting drunken escapades for blackmailing later.

He knew roughly where every member of Akatsuki was in general at a given point in time for example, as well as figure out what they were doing when comparing their location with events occurring in the area. He knew the strength of all the hidden villages. He knew of at least three dozen of each hidden village's major storage areas outside of their town walls. He knew of who had just become missing nin. He knew of where said nin were…

He knew that a year ago, an unknown group of shinobi consisting of an Earth, Lava, Lightning, and Genjutsu master absolutely wrecked a good part of Amegakure before Pain and Konan could push them back.

He knew that seemingly random graves and tombs had been robbed over the past few years.

He knew which countries were planning to set up peace and trading treaties with which other nations, and which ones were secretly preparing to wage war when said deals were made.

He knew that Naruto was flying solo and was doing whatever he wanted.

However, all of that didn't matter now, because at the moment…

"Why the hell did you make me meet you in the middle of a whore house?!"

He had to deal with his current apprentice and her team.

"Indeed. This is most unyouthful." Lee frowned as he attempted to not look at the various attractive women they passed by as his team followed Scab deeper into the building. The blush on his face was clear for everyone to see, as was his lean but obviously ripped body since he had not abandoned his beloved spandex suit with a chunin vest over it. He had however decided to drop the orange leg weights and wear shinobi pants over his suit after much pestering from Kin, pointing out that even martial arts masters aren't hindered by them and can help mask his leg movements somewhat.

His new constant training method came in the form of gravity seals, complimentary of Tenten.

In addition his standard pouches and bags, the martial artist also had a large nasty looking combat knife strapped to his thigh, easily twice the width of a kunai and nearly three times as long.

No one ever saw him use it in combat. No one ever did.

"Careful Lee." The immortal stated in his usual bored tone without turning around. "Many of my employees here would consider that as an insult to their appearance. They work very hard to look as good as possible."

As expected, the energetic taijutsu user froze and began to look around feverishly before bowing deeply and apologizing to any and every woman that he thought was looking at him funny. The women there merely laughed and enjoyed the show the boy was giving them.

"Employees?" Tenten gaped. "You OWN this place?!"

"I own many places." Scab vaguely responded with the barest hint of amusement in his otherwise even tone. "I find them useful for various purposes, and I have decided that they are established enough for you should be privy to them too. Of course, their existence is on a need to know basis."

"A generous offer." Neji frowned. "However please do not be insulted if my use of such locations is sparse."

"I'd be more concerned if it was frequent." The immortal stated. Once more his bland even voice made it nearly impossible for anyone to tell if he was being sincere or sarcastic. "However it would be foolish to disregard a potential valuable resource."

"I'll keep it in mind."

"Other than his haircut and eyebrows, he's kinda cute." One of the attractive young women there mused as she inspected Lee, dressed in a robe that revealed a good amount of cleavage and leg, but not overly so. "It takes a real man to wear something as _tight_ as that out in the open like that."

Neji took that as his cue to grab his teammate and bow briefly. His forehead protector slanted like Kakashi's so that it covered his byakugan, meaning that the eye he was using to stare at the woman was the slit blue one that once belonged to Naruto. Save for that peculiar look, his clothing was fairly standard for a member of his clan with white and tan robes. "My apologies, however my friend here already has a girlfriend. For all our sakes, please do not fluster him more than he already is."

The woman momentarily shivered as she held the slit eye's gaze. "Oh. My my you are an interesting one too. So polite. Do not worry. There was no harm done." She purred. "Do tell me, what happened to your eye? I bet there's a very interesting story behind it."

The corners of Neji's lips twitched. "It was a wound I sustained several years ago during a mission gone bad. One of many I received at that time actually. It was gouged out by an enemy's thumb while he held me by my head with one hand."

And like that the mood was killed.

Wham!

"I'm so sorry about that." Tenten apologized as she pulled back her smoking fist from Neji's head. "My boyfriend sometimes gets a bit carried away when he gets too much unwanted attention. He has a thing against talking about his eye."

The prostitute regained composure before laughing in good nature. "Oh it's no problem. It's my fault for asking in the first place. He's not the first shinobi to do something like that. It takes a special woman to truly get along with those types after all."

"Preaching to the choir." The weapon specialist shook her head in resignation.

"I must say though, your boy toy here has some fine taste." The woman continued as she took in Tenten's image, with her snow white hair wrapped into her two usual buns and her dark tan skin showing where her deep green, white, and rust brown Chinese themed attire hugged her body. "You have such an exotic look. Not overly developed, but still curved in all the right places. Someone like you would definitely get top dollar by the hour here…"

She paused to briefly smell the girl. "… Although we probably would have to give her a bit of a cleaning and makeover first. Smoke and iron are unfortunately not very appealing aromas the last I checked."

"As flattering as your impressions are, you know she's not here for that reason Yumiko." Scabbard stated evenly, cutting off his apprentice before she said something she thought was witty. Despite being a proud fighter, the girl still didn't like people taking shots at her femininity. "They are here for another sort of business. If you don't mind, I would like to speak to my student and her team in private."

The now identified Yumiko blinked in surprise before looking at Tenten as if seeing her for the first time. "Your student? Oh my my. She must be a special one then Papa. No one ever said anything about you having a student."

"That's because I never told anyone." Scab evenly replied. "I expect her to be treated with the same respect you give me."

"But of course. We might even take it up a step and actually hug her and give her that makeover anyways. It's not like you're one for large displays of affection." The woman smirked. Obviously the man's cool disposition was not a negative or uncommon trait in her eyes.

"Careful. It almost sounds like I baby you lot." How the man managed to say the line with a dead even face and tone while still obviously being sarcastic was beyond anyone's guess.

"We love you too Papa." Yumiko blew the man a kiss before walking to another part of the building, swinging her hips seductively in the process. "Well then back to the books I guess."

"Books?" Lee asked curiously.

"Yumiko's in charge of most of the taxes and bills for this building. She's quite intelligent. Her family was blind to abandon her at a young age merely because she refused to get married to some fool of a Noble's son for a small sum of money. Then again, I wouldn't have her under my wing if they didn't." Scab explained as he walked to his office. "She's training to be a financial manager or a banker, however I would not be surprised if she ends up staying and managing the building full time. She is quite attached to her friends here."

"You mean to say that she is actually fine living in such conditions?" Neji politely asked, though what he really thought of the place was no secret. As the member of a noble family, such places were seen as distasteful. More so since he was here with his girlfriend.

"She is forced to do nothing she does not wish to do. She has a solid meal three times a day. She is clothed, educated, housed, but still is urged to work hard for her own goals, which no one discourages, and surrounded by those who support and care for her. It is far more than what most in her situation could hope for." Scab sat behind his desk, silently urging the others to do the same. "She must earn her keep, but that is something that should be obvious to anyone who works for a living. She knows this and understands this, which is why she focuses hard on her studies in the mean time. What she does with her body is her own business, I merely ensure that she has more to look forward to and possibly achieve in the future. I highly doubt that you three completely agree to everything that you do and encounter in your profession, so why should she?"

The three shinobi glanced at one another warily, knowing that what the eldest one there had said was very true.

"Now then, back to business." He interlaced his fingers and rested his arms on his desk. Instantly the mood of the room took a darker feel. Not deadly, but certainly more morose. "I take it that your mission was successful since you are here and seem to be in no hurry."

Tenten nodded as she took out a scroll. "Yep. One dead conspirer against the Daimyo and three missing nin. ID'd, tagged, and ready for turning in."

"They were fools. Their estimation of their abilities was grossly inflated." Neji shook his head pityingly. "They assumed they could have killed half the court with a few well placed poisons and replaced staff members, but with their skills they wouldn't have even gotten past the main guard. Lee killed them all before they even knew something was wrong."

"And I was so ready to test out Hrunting this time. Get them all in one shot." Tenten grumbled.

"I dislike not giving them the opportunity to surrender, however their unyouthful methods and plans all but ensured that they would perish at one point or another." The most energetic of the group sulked.

"Either you do or you don't. It is regrettable, however the way society works it is often better to cut loose ties than to just let them go and hope for the best. You can only trust your judgment as to when to follow this rule and when not to, and hope that you made the right choice. Regardless, your decisions and actions are your own, and you must live with the subsequent results. This applies to everyone." Scab answered as he unraveled the scroll and activated the seals to reveal the four severed heads stored inside. No one in the room flinched at the sight. "They appear to be in good condition."

"I stored them within ten seconds of their disposal." Lee nodded with a hint of pride, though far less than what ne normally displayed.

Placing his hand on the first head, the Noble's given by how soft and pale the skin seemed to be compared to the others, the immortal allowed the electrons in his body to flow into the still preserved brain, and for lack of a better term hacked its contents almost instantly. The next few instants were utilized to make a copy of the data discovered that he stored in his own mind.

When he first showed this ability many assumed that he had copied the Yamanaka clan's techniques, however it had soon been proven that they could not be more different. While the clan's jutsu were based on spiritual and psychological manipulation, Scab's technique was nothing more than pure hard electron manipulation jacking the nerves of the target's mind and for lack of a better term hacking the contents.

How he managed to translate the nerve patterns in the brain into comprehensive information was beyond anyone's ability to learn. Really. It was just that complex.

"Seems like everything is in order. There were a few co-conspirators as expected, however they did nothing for the most part save for minor things that would not be enough to warrant our attention."

"He wasn't well liked. That much was certain." Neji nodded. "Most if not all his allies were due to business and familial connections. It was his wife that hired us for the job after all."

"Humans are often blind to those they are closest to." Scab nodded as he went through the other shinobi's heads. "Though I believe it would be obvious that she would not take well to her husband allowing these men to have their way with her."

Tenten's eyebrow twitched. "Sensei, would you be against informing me where this prick's grave will be dug?"

"He's already dead Tenten." Neji put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Desecrating his grave can't hurt him."

"It will on the other hand make me feel better."

"I advise against it." The Immortal resealed the heads. "There have been a number of unidentified grave robbings all over the continent lately. High profile graves are being kept under watch these days."

"That and insulting the dead is most unyouthful." Lee stated as if it was obvious.

"Mhm. Sure. That too." Scab mindlessly agreed without any heart as he gave Tenten back the scroll before taking out a blank one and began to write on it. "I take it you're heading back home after this."

"You bet. I'm gonna spend a week in the bath houses and just relax." Tenten grinned. While the prostitute's comments about her smell did get on her nerves, she was still rather sensitive about her femininity and did try to keep herself at least clean in the mean time.

"I have not seen Kin-chan in weeks!" Lee stubbornly pouted. "I wish to see her as soon as possible."

"I suggest you ask one of my girls here for advice on an appropriate gift for her then. While they like to tease, they'll still be more than happy to help you out and have good taste. They'd find your commitment to Kin… admirable." He did not say "cute", "adorable", or anything along those lines. He had forever abandoned such vocabulary in his holy crusade against the unworthy hoard when it came to relationships and similar subjects.

He had no issue with using such language when taunting amusing fools though. For example, he considered random wannabe heroes that believed that they could outwit him to be absolutely adorable… like a small injured puppy trying to be intimidating.

It didn't stop him from kicking them when they were down though. He found the sounds they made when he did so to be just as endearing.

The idiots making noises of course, not the puppies. Kicking puppies was just pointless. Nothing came out of it.

… On the other hand there _was_ that one world he knew of where if you kicked them…

"I want to see Naruto." Neji frowned, catching the attention of his teammates.

"That much is obvious." Scabbard didn't bother looking up as he continued to write and continued with his earlier train of thought in his subconscious. He knew for a fact that the teens in front of him were at least sensitive enough to chakra to sense his brother's and their friend's arrival.

He didn't tell them that the blond wasn't in Konoha. He'd let them find out that for themselves.

"I guess this means that things are picking up again." Tenten smirked bitterly.

"The Rokubi has been captured and Akatuski made a failed attempt at Gaara a few days ago." Scab confirmed the girl's suspicions. They would find out sooner or later, but at least this way they'd be on guard in the unlikely chance that they did cross paths with the enemy. "From what I've been told, our dear Kazekage had managed to elevate himself to the status of strongest Kazekage in history in the process even though he didn't manage to kill either one of his assailants. Something to do with manipulating all of the sand in the village's walls and becoming a living force of nature. Not bad all things considered."

"It is a comforting to know he's on our side." Neji shivered, knowing that such a thing might not just be hot air.

"Astounding! I would enjoy fighting him at one point to see how I measure up!" Lee proudly proclaimed with fire in his eyes.

"Hopefully you'll do that not in the desert. You'd be crushed in ten seconds flat." Tenten laughed nervously.

"Mhm. That sounds nice." Scab finished writing whatever he was doing on the scroll before handing it to his student. "Give that to Tsunade when you make your report. It contains information I gathered from your target's minds. Nothing vital, but important none the less."

Tenten had just pocketed the scrolls when the group heard a disturbance coming from the building. Screams coming from both men and women were heard in increasing volume, prompting all four of the warriors to end what they were doing and see what was happening.

They had entered the main lounge area to see a young man in rather expensive looking clothing standing proudly over the beaten, bruised, and crying girl that he had been spending his time with. Coming in from all the other hallways were residents and clients who had heard the ruckus and were curious as to what was happening.

The reason why no one helped the poor girl however was obvious, as the pair were surrounded by five very large and mean looking bodyguards armed with katana.

"Quiet you slut." The man kicked the girl. "You have no one to blame but yourself. Telling me what to do and what I could not. You forget your place."

"How uncouth." Neji frowned. "Its people like him that give Nobles a bad name."

"He looks familiar…" Tenten shook her head. "Ah. What the hell. Lee. Do your stuff."

The unnaturally silent Taijutsu master had momentarily vanished before Scab instantly put a hand on his shoulder and stopped him several feet away from where he had disappeared. "Sensei?"

"Just watch. My girls are far from helpless, and I see opportunity…" The man's eyes flashed hungrily.

"Is there a problem my lord?" An attractive middle aged woman walked forward, dressed in a very formal kimono, however still making it obvious that she worked in the building. She did not let the image of the girl's state get to her. "Has Maya done anything to offend you?"

"Your little toy here wouldn't put out when I told her to." He kicked her again to prove his point. "The second things got a bit rough the cunt tried to back out of her job. Went so far as to even hit me!"

"I tried to tell him!" The identified Maya wept. "I told him that I don't do the more extreme performances! I tried to tell him that Hina normally did that, but he wouldn't listen! He was hurting me! Please believe me!"

"Shut up! I give you money and you perform. What part of that does a stupid bint like you not understand?!"

"Peace my lord." The elder woman negotiated. "We merely have the results of a misunderstanding here. One that can easily be rectified. However I must ask that your men must leave. Weapons are not allowed in our facility."

The bodyguards laughed in response and slowly began to draw their weapons.

"Yeah. How about no you old hag." The lordling snorted. "How stupid are you? This place is on my father's property, so it might as well be mine as well. And I say, you do as I want or I'll execute you for treason."

The woman sighed aridly as if talking to a child, not at all bothered with the death thread unlike many of the other people there. "Is that so? A shame. And I was going to offer you proper compensation too."

"From your used up ass? I think the boss will pass on that." One of the bodyguards snorted. "I wouldn't mind a few shots though. You certainly look like you know a few things."

"Why offer it when I can merely take it?" The noble argued, admittedly bringing up a good point given the situation.

The manager took out an elegant decorated fan with a unique flowing design and hid her face behind it elegantly. "It is common knowledge that one can only take what one can reach with their own hands my lord. My humble abode has many connections that enable us to access quite a range of commodities for generous prices. Many of which even one of your status would be hard pressed to obtain. I am certain that there would be something that would fancy your interest and sate your justified fury. Should you ruin my humble house, my girls and I would be forced to relocate outside of your domain. Perhaps it would even evolve into a partnership of sorts should you wish it."

Only those with the shinobi training there noticed the very brief glance she gave to Scab, who kept eye contact with her in the process.

The antagonist frowned as he contemplated the woman's offering, for once forgetting the young girl crying at his feet. "You speak well for a whore. Just what sort of commodities are we talking about?"

The elder's eyes closed merrily. "The sort that would best be spoken of in private my lord. Away from the open ears and prying eyes of the common folk."

"… Should I find your so called connections lacking, you will be sorely punished…" The man frowned as he walked forward and gave the manager incentive to move to private quarters.

The second the thugs were gone, the other employees there instantly made way to the injured girl to tend to her.

"She's good." Neji noted. "And I do not doubt she has said resources, however I find it distasteful that she has to yield to such an unsavory individual…"

"Neji." Scabbard sighed as he leaned up against a wall. "Use your eye and tell me what you find on the building."

The Hyuga paused for a moment before moving away from the man with an insane amount of chakra. It was common knowledge among the clan that using their bloodline on or in a certain radius of the Oogakari was a surefire way to temporarily become blind. After getting to the other side of the room and covertly activating the eye under his headband, he instantly saw something that gave him pause.

"What did you see Neji?" Lee asked as his rival returned.

Looking around warily and licking his lips, he replied. "The entire building is covered in a massive seal array." He whispered. "Seals and some sort of rune style that I'm not familiar with."

"A security system." Tenten's eyes widened in recognition.

"Anyone who hires my employees have to sign a contract that ensures that they will follow the rules of the house." Scab elaborated, though he seemed to be focusing on something else. "Should any of my girls activate the array, those who have broken said rules will suffer an appropriate punishment and leave everything else unharmed. The array also protects the building from most outside interference as well, though it obviously would not hold against a solid shinobi assault or an army."

"Amazing…" Lee whispered while looking around him as if seeing the building for the first time.

"But if that's the case, why did she let that asshole do what he want?" Tenten asked with a frown. "Don't think I couldn't tell what that fan was. That woman's a shinobi and that fan's her tool. She cast a genjutsu with it just by waving and channeling a tiny bit of chakra into it."

The man lips twitched again, his version of smirking and held up a small microphone. _"Because I told her to."_ His voice rang from the device without his mouth moving the slightest.

A shiver went up the teen's spines. They knew that look. It was the look the man got when he was leading some poor unfortunate fool to his doom without the idiot knowing it.

It was frequently on his face when he was abusing… _employing_ Zabuza.

"That poor poor unknowing fool." Neji shook his head knowingly.

"I almost pity him… no, on second thought I don't." Tenten added. "Milk him for all he's worth sensei."

"There's no need." The man coolly yawned before taking out a momentarily glowing scroll and walking to the office where his new target was.

The shinobi there knew what the scroll was at first sight. It was the ones he used to create binding deals between two parties. Once signed and marked with blood, it was impossible to go against the contract without extremely painful consequences.

"How did you know that your youthful employees would be fine?" Lee asked curiously. "Had those men acted…"

"They would have died." The owner waved his hand lazily. "Hikairi was a special jonin before she abandoned Taki nearly twenty years ago. She specializes in espionage, seduction, and negotiation. The fact that you didn't notice what she was or did until Tenten saw her fan means that she hasn't lost her touch. That's the reason why she's in charge here."

It took nearly half a minute before Neji noticed the odd fragrance in the air and felt his muscles relax. "A distressing agent…"

"There might be more added to it as well." Lee frowned as he looked around warily, primarily at the young women that were still lingering around. "Perhaps a mild hypnotizing stimulant… used in conjunction with her genjutsu?"

"Your mission isn't completed yet." Scab reminded them as he returned from the office. "Don't worry. Everything is completely under control."

Two days after returning to Konoha, team Gai heard that the son of the lord they had killed was under investigation for potential treason by aiding his father's actions.

It didn't help his case that his first action after inheriting his father's position was to build a new large mansion for the local whores to own and manage.

Apparently when he was taken away, he had been crying about not being able to enjoy his part of the deal and about how he would have been able to enjoy himself if he had not become a lord so quickly…

o. o. o.

Somewhere under Konoha:

"So the Kyubi Jinchuriki is running amok alone." Danzo mused as he contemplated what Fuu had just informed him. It was by a stroke of luck that his subordinate had been tasked to retrieve information from his cousin the night before her departure. "And yet, despite the fact that he mastered the Kyubi, that fool Oogakari decided to seal it away because he believed the boy was otherwise too powerful…"

The leader of Root had a headache. It was times like this that he really wondered if attaining the Hokage's position was the right thing to do as it would require him to actually deal with not only the more trivial issues that plagued the village… but the perpetually unreadable Oogakari as well. "I don't know whether that fool Ghost is baiting us or if this is another one of his whimsical decisions that he did for his amusement."

"Word is that he is able to fly and travel vast distances quickly Danzo-sama." Fuu Yamanaka pointed out worriedly. "Even if we were to try and follow and capture him, there is little hope of catching up without a similar mode of transportation and the ability to combat the Jinchuriki in the air. From what we know of him… attempting to subdue or approach him would be… difficult."

Danzo merely tapped his index finger on his cane in response, indicating that he was thinking about the current dilemma. Fuu had understated what would be needed in order to subdue the jinchuriki. Without any way to tell where he was or where he was going, it was effectively impossible to find let alone catch up to the Uzumaki in the first place. Then, if the Oogakari's claim about the boy's strength was any indication, subduing the child would be another mind scarring task as well.

Briefly he contemplated just leaving the child alone to his own devices and just wait for him to return, but he instantly scratched that idea. Everyone knew that he was prone to attracting trouble, and without the Kyubi's chakra or backup Konoha was genuinely at risk of losing one of their major aces for good. The fact that he seemed to be mentally distraught, even if the results were something he could personally get behind, was another concern. Should the child misrepresent Konoha around the world, it could greatly hurt the country economically.

Sending more shinobi after the jinchuriki might be counterproductive though. He had been receiving word that the groups in Iwa that disliked the Tsuchikage had been unusually tame lately. Had they disbanded he would have assumed that their will to fight had finally submerged. He had actually contributed to the efforts to calm them down. While he would have more than enjoyed weakening Iwa greatly and plunging it into civil war, the fact that Onoki was actually in favor of keeping the status quo for once was pushing the ROOT commander to help him out for once. Should civil war break out, it would only instigate chaos an another shinobi war…

Only this one was not the one that Konoha was not preparing for. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he did know that Akatsuki was only the tip of the iceberg, and that the Oogakari and those closest to them were well aware of it and preparing for. For the moment, he decided to humor them, as he neither saw an opportunity for himself, nor did he see any reason to interfere… and instigating a civil war would without a doubt interfere.

With Naruto however, he did not see gaining control over the teen as interference. It was more akin to reallocating and optimizing resources to make them more efficient. They were both using the boy to Konoha's benefit after all.

The thing that made this opportunity most enticing was the fact that the boy was without any backup save for maybe the toads. This would possibly be the best time for him to get a hold of the boy without anyone noticing… even if it was at a risk.

But still he had Kakashi's team to deal with in the mean time…

Danzo stopped tapping his finger and opened his visible eye. "These are your orders…"

o. o. o.

Uzushiogakure:

"Well… that was boring." Naruto mused as he sat cross legged on top of a building.

"It was fairly uneventful." Kushina agreed. "You only triggered twenty nine traps."

"Thirty seven." Minato corrected. "I was with him when he triggered a cluster chain."

"And there was no one injured physically or emotionally throughout the entire process." The son proudly stated.

"You accidentally destroyed the ruins of my old home when I took you there."

"No injuries at all…"

" **I find it interesting that as unfamiliar as I am with human family interactions, even I am aware that this conversation should be disturbing by your species' standards."** Kurama raised an eyebrow.

"We crossed that point over a year ago." The jinchuriki brushed aside the comment without a second thought. "After being mutilated in dozens of different ways, only to be brought back by Ero-Ni's pretty much numbed us to it." He paused. "Though I still can't remember why I react so violently to people's hands near my face… nearly cut off that last guy's head off on reflex when he got too close…"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as "that guy"." Minato grumbled, remembering that particular slipup.

Kurama shivered, knowing that he was the only one that actually remembered that particularly messy encounter with another god. Having your head partially decayed and half your jaw eroded away was not a pleasant experience to undertake or watch. Thankfully Ghost was around soon after that event to counter and undo the otherworldly effects of a god's power. **"It's another one of those things that you're better off not knowing or remembering."**

"I seemed to have gotten far more of those than I originally thought haven't I?"

" **More or less. Not like you can actually recall them to count how many there are."**

"You're a psychologist's wet dream." Kushina shrugged. She knew she should be more sympathetic to her son's condition, but worrying about it now with no one else around would cause more problems than solutions. Unless things got extremely concerning, she was willing to wait for her son to be under the thumb of Hinata for the extra stability before she started working her maternal magic to its greatest throttle. As much as she disliked admitting it, her son's girlfriend was far more capable of providing a truly stable mental environment for Naruto than she was. "Or worst nightmare. Probably depends on if you're strapped down or not."

"You're such a considerate mother." Minato deadpanned.

"What sort of parental figure would I be if I lied to my child?" Said mother argued stubbornly.

" **From what I've gathered from your kind… a normal one."** Kurama answered.

"At least we found some interesting hidden stashes." Naruto glanced at one of his pouches, once more ignoring his mother and Kurama glaring match. "A few clan secrets and seals. Some history, family trees, jutsu, dirty facts that shouldn't see the light of day, letters to the future head… and a handful of artifacts and special weapons. Yeah I think this is enough to show off when I possibly start the clan again."

"You do realize that there's a minimum population requirement needed to qualify as a clan." Minato corrected. "It's part of the reason why your friend Sasuke has so many girls after him. In order for the Uchiha to qualify as a clan again, he also has to meet those requirements whether he likes it or not. Tsunade's missed that boat as the last Senju and only keeps her clan status out of everyone's respect for the first and second's achievements and legacy. It's what the CRA was created for in the first place even though no one ever really though it would ever actually be used. Technically speaking, the Oogakari don't qualify as a clan either."

"Meh. Mere details and legal bull crap that can easily be circumvented by blackmailing and awesomeness." Naruto brushed off his father's statement. "Besides, when I do get hitched up and have a kid, and if Nagato lives through all of this, then there'd technically be five legal living Uzumaki around. Me, the hag, Nagato, hopefully Hinata-chan and any kid I have. Seven if I can somehow manage to get him and Konan hitched and have a kid. Honestly? That dude seriously needs to get laid. I bet it would be a great stress reliever for him."

" **You humans and your reproduction. Why you make such a big deal about it is beyond me. Especially for the ones who have yet to experience it…"** Kurama rolled his eyes.

"He'd need to put on enough weight to not break in half in the process." Kushina snorted. "We've seen what he looks like through your memories. That poor man is a stick."

"Don't even try to see him now Naruto." Minato frowned, noticing the brief glint in his son's eyes. "You'd be doing more harm than good."

"Killjoy." The young man pouted before reluctantly taking out the scroll he used to store his parent's bodies. "Anyways, we wasted enough time here. Let's head to our next vacation spot. You two always did want to explore Moon Country's capital some more."

"I just want to relax on those private beaches again." Kushina sighed dreamily while her body began to glow with alongside Minato's. "It's been so long since I could just relax while getting a good tan and not worry about being killed because some immortal jackass can't stay still."

Minato nodded happily before his and his wife's souls shot into their son. "Nothing like resting on the beach without interruption…"

"And I'll finally exploit the system enough to get enough money to have my ghorram ramen pool." The Jinchuriki smirked so evilly that the casino owners all across the elemental nations shivered in fear as a premonition to the danger that was soon approaching. "I will not be denied this time damn it."

" **You're just anxious because it's probably your last reasonable chance to achieve your foolish desires before you have to go back and your so called friends justifiably murder you for running away."** Kurama noted without a shred of sympathy.

"THAT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A MINOR DETAIL THAT IS IRRELEVANT TO THE TASK AT HAND!" Naruto proclaimed without remorse before pointing to his stomach. "NOW SHUT UP AND GET IN MISTAH TUMMY!"

" **I would normally threaten to slowly kill people that yell at me like that… but in all honesty I doubt I could do anything worse than what your friends will probably come up with by this point, so I'll just restrict your healing when you are beaten to a paste."** The fox knew there was no point in arguing with Naruto when he got like this. Whenever he became eager over something pointless he was as difficult to deal with as the Oogakari. Sighing to himself, the biju turned into a cloud of chakra and fused with his container. **"Have fun with that."**

"You know I will… asshole." The blond teen took out a map and looked at it while mindlessly beginning to float up to the sky. "If we're here, and Moon country is… right, there… then the best way to make sure I get there without getting hopelessly lost in the middle of the ocean without any landmarks to use as reference points and eventually drown in an unmarked watery grave is…"

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the land of Earth:

Two nameless masked Iwa shinobi in full uniform stood on the outside of an out of the way and supposedly abandoned military base. Both were clearly very bored and not expecting anything to happen anytime soon.

"Hey." The first one asked the other one. "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

"Well when a man and a woman love one another very much or get far too drunk to tell how hideous the other one really is…" The second one sarcastically began.

"Very funny." The first one rolled his eyes. "Seriously. Why the fuck are we _here?_ Of all the abandoned bases in the middle of nowhere that we could be hiding out at to avoid attention, we're in the most boring as shit place of all of them. The southern border that leads to the land of Wind is a hundred kilos away from here, fifty to the western countries that no one gives a damn about, and nearly triple that to Iwagakure. We're so deep in the "who gives a shit" mountain range that even if full out war happened, no one would bother coming to this part of the country in the first place. It's not even set up to be that well hidden or defended. Who was the retard that thought that building this base at all?"

"Probably the one that knew that eventually it would make some idiot like you moan to someone like me about it." The latter ninja grunted. "We're here because no one would bother to think that anyone would use this place if they even remembered it existed, hence it makes for the perfect place to conduct our meetings."

"Meetings." The former rolled his eyes. "More like bitchfests. Complaining about Konoha and Onoki and how things should be. We haven't gotten anything actually _done_ or _do_ anything remotely productive in months because no one can get their shit together. Then there's the fact that getting anything actually done from where we are makes it twice as impossible. Messengers and equipment are disappearing left and right, and all in all we have no significant heavy hitters that would be able to back us up if things got really nasty. All anyone does is argue with no results these days."

"If you have such overwhelming faith in us then why the hell don't you do something productive and go off and kill the old man yourself?"

"What are you nuts? I have desires but I'm not stupid. Onoki would wipe his wrinkled midget ass with my remains if there was enough of me left and that's if I'm lucky. I hate Konoha in general and am sick of losing the good missions to them, but I know my limits. Chunin for life baby. Better to die in a remembered crowd then as a single stain that people laugh at. You know what happened to the last guy that tried to off the twin scales."

The only reason why people knew the fool existed was because he tried to assassinate the Tsuchikage while he was out on a public dinner with his granddaughter and the only battle capable jinchuriki they had left. The old geezer didn't even bat an eyelash before using his dust release to disintegrate the man in mid air before he went back to his meal and conversation with Kurotsuchi and Roshi.

The latter shinobi snorted with not pity. "Coward. Nothing but a weakling."

"It's kept me alive this far."

"I'm honestly surprised that none of us has killed you yet."

"You won't cause we need the manpower and I'm the guy that makes the field rations actually edible."

"That was you?"

"Gotta do something in my spare time other than mindlessly practice skills that won't get me anywhere further than where I am now. I'm a coward, I'm not lazy."

"No. You're just lucky your mindless hobbies were actually useful."

"Also, I'm one of the few medics in the resistance."

"You're shitting me."

"Believe it bitch. If we're in trouble, your ass and possibly your organs are in _my_ hands. Feel free to suck up at any time."

"I'm not hearing this."

"How do you think I managed to get my rank in the first place? I'm a fucking minority. Affirmative action at its finest. No life threatening chunin exam for this medic. Just needed to pass a physical, a field test, a few paper exams, sign a few papers and bam, I got me a nice safe vest."

"Why the hell are you with us again? There's no way in hell that you're here because of your assertive attitude towards a better cause."

"Eh. Onoki's been in power too long and he needs to step down. Like, twenty years ago. At the rate we're going once he does kick the bucket we'll have no one decent enough to serve as Tsuchikage for a while without the other nations laughing their asses off at us. All in all I think it's his fault that Iwa's been on the decline lately. It's true that I lost a few relatives to the yellow flash when I was a kid, but in all honesty I didn't really know them in the first place so I don't use that as an excuse unlike roughly a quarter of Iwa's population. Plus, we were at war at the time you know. It's kinda expected that the heavy hitters would kill off a ton of the weaker guys during it. I'm sort of annoyed that we frequently ignore that fact. Blind loyalty over common sense can only lead to more problems."

A member of that quarter population who lost both his parents slowly reached for a kunai. "For your sake I hope that you have more than just that."

The medic raised his hands in surrender. "Ok! Geez. Chill. In addition to that, I may have said the former bit while drunk a few months ago and may have given the impression to everyone that I was already with you guys. Long story short, I decided to live up to their expectations in order to make ends meet. Better than hoofing it alone as a suspected traitor and getting offed in the process." He shrugged. "As it stands, the only guys I DO think are able to do a decent job of replacing Onoki were Deidara, Sinou, and Roshi, and no one knows where two of them are anymore, let alone if they're alive. Maybe his so called granddaughter in a few years, but I'm skeptical about how solid in the head she is."

The more mature of the two shinobi just stared at the other disbelievingly before closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. As much as he didn't want to admit it, the childish man was right. Iwa had plenty of capable shinobi, but exceptionally few were reliable and capable enough in enough fields to be a Kage. It was one of the many reasons why the bulk of the population of Iwa didn't side with those against Onoki… for now at least. "Just… just shut up already. You may not have any faith in the bosses, but I happen to know something's up. You know how Roshi's been a huge pain in our ass lately right?"

The underachieving ninja snorted. That was a rhetorical question if anything. Everyone in Iwa knew about the old lava user recently gaining full control over the yonbi and being a supporter of Onoki. Not a very agreeable one if their many arguments were anything to go by, but a supporter none the less. It was hard to forget the image of that giant monstrous ape casually talking with his voice to the Sandaime after he took out one of their first main bases in a single demon powered attack. It was why the rebel group had relocated themselves to this location in the first place.

"Don't tell me. Han has made a miraculous recovery, pledged himself to our cause, mastered his biju, and is going to take out Roshi and Onoki for us."

"Quit being an idiot. That mindless monster is practically responsible for our situation. If he had just killed the damn brat, then half our worries would be gone already and Iwa would be united again against Konoha." The more mature of the two snapped. It was common knowledge that the younger jinchuriki was still in rehabilitation and still very antagonistic to virtually anyone that came in contact with him. No one knew exactly what Onoki did to keep the freak alive after the stunt he pulled but even the most outspoken agreed that he wasn't worth the effort, even IF it meant agreeing with Konoha for once. "I don't know the details, but word is..."

A large rustling in the sparse forestry nearby snapped them out of their conversation immediately and instantly caused them to be on guard with kunai in hand.

"Who's there?" The stronger of the two demanded while slowly moving in front of his partner. As much of an ass as the man was, combat medics were very valuable. He could spy several large shapes barely hidden in the forestry and upturned stones. None of them resembled the local wildlife. "Show yourself!"

The two men had been half expecting the ones hiding to try and remain hidden as was standard shinobi tactics. Members of their rebellion had a way of communicating to inform that they were allies long before showing themselves so it was fairly obvious that these newcomers were at least not part of their club…

What they didn't expect was for four cloaked figures with indistinguishable features to jump out into the open, land a good distance in front of the men, drop down two bodies onto the ground, and then disappear again.

"… Well that was different." The medic slowly relaxed his guard as he looked at where the mysterious individuals vanished. "Are they friends of yours?"

"How the hell would I know that?" The combat specialist grunted as he looked at the bodies, noting that they were both women and still alive for some reason. Both were clearly kunoichi, unconscious, roughed up quite badly if all the bruises, burns, and cuts on their bodies were any indication, and more importantly not from Iwa given their clothing.

"Looks like they gave us some sweet gifts." The medic grinned as he made an earth clone that closed in on the women carefully. Despite his personality, even he was not stupid enough to simply approach an unidentified and unchecked individual.

"They're from Konoha." The disgust in the other's voice was more than apparent. "I recognize the vests anywhere."

"Konoha?" The land of fire was ridiculously far away and so far Iwa's minor civil war had not been touched by anyone save for those initially involved. "Why the hell where they brought here? You think they've been helping the old geezer behind everyone's back?"

"I wouldn't put it past them. Hypocrites." The man spat at the women from a good distance away. "I say kill them now."

"Uh… well the good news is that they aren't rigged with any traps… but bad news, well… I wouldn't do that if I were you." The earth clone advised. While normally suited for primarily combat purposes, the sturdy constructs did possess a solid amount of intelligence should the user be skilled enough.

"And why is that?" The leader growled.

The clone nervously reached down and slowly moved both women's heads so that they were visible while not aggravating their injuries or waking them up in the process.

"Oh… oh shit." The clone's master paled as he recognized the women nearly instantly and summarized the situation quite well. "This could mean a whole mess of something that I think I don't want any part of."

The man's partner had also sobered rather quickly at the recognition of the females. "Keep them alive, ready for transport, and most importantly unconscious. I'll get the captains inside and inform them of what has happened."

"You do realize that they're not going to believe you right?" The surreally of the situation was not lost on either of them.

"I mean, who is going to believe that someone just handed us Hana of the Three Planes and the Snake Mistress of Konoha to us on a silver platter in the middle of nowhere and just left?"

o. o. o.

Omake: Time number four:

The dust was kicked up by a brief gust of wind as Shadow stood in front of the hospital with her arms crossed, facing down Waltz and Crypt. The sun was setting in the distance giving the environment an ominous appearance, however the immortals paid it no mind.

"Weapons?" The old man grunted, taking out a modified paintball gun that looked more like five machine cannons fused together from his robes with one hand while the other stored his staff onto his back.

"Check." Shadow grinned as she materialized her own gun, which in true Oogakari fashion appeared to be a giant metal jet engine with a giant open core and dozens of smaller holes around the opening.

"Shields?" The Guardian of Tears rose an eyebrow as his free hand gripped the back of Crypt's clothes firmly and held the oblivious giggling idiot in front of him like a knight's shield.

"Yay! I'm a train wheel! _ **HUG ME.**_ "

Shadow's grin darkened. "GHOST FROM ACCOUNTING!"

CRASH!

Once more the God of None fell helplessly from his hospital window screaming like a small girl from overhead before his sister mercilessly seized his neck from behind just before he landed and mimicked her brother's stance.

"What the fu… oh shit." The blind immortal paled as he realized exactly what was going to happen before struggling helplessly to avoid his extremely painful fate.

"Check." Shadow simply confirmed as her supposed paintball gun made noises that no paintball gun should ever make ever.

"Welcome back Ghost." The old man grinned as he took aim at pretty much both his siblings while using the one on hand as his own meat shield. "Draw."

o. o. o.

A/N:

I told you guys that TTRT was going to be darker than YAWALEH. All that funny stuff that the Oogakari do to one another? Yeah, that stuff doesn't work so well with normal people, and I fully intend to fully elaborate on that as time goes on.

So as for why it took so long for me to update, allow me to go through my current daily/weekly schedule with you guys. Five days a week I leave home at 6:30 and catch a train to my new job in NYC, (Wall Street IT Management, yes. THAT Wall Street. Don't ask how. I'm still figuring it out myself, and no I didn't get it through family connections of any sort.) which is more training than anything at the moment, mostly learning UNIX and SQL at an insane pace. I don't get back home till 7:30 in the afternoon, which is where I sleep, and do homework. Why homework? Because on SATURDAYS (or Sundays given the teacher's schedule), I have my internet Power Engineering Grad school class for at least 2 hours, and then study the book afterwards because my teacher has a horrifically thick Indian accent and is teaching Power Economics. And yes, this is the summer semester.

By the time August ends, I should have no less than three certificates to add to my resume… so long as I don't kill myself first.

So yeah, I've been a tad bit sleep deprived and in lack of free time lately.

Back to the story though, I like how things are going to get all chaotic and dark right off the bat, as unlike YAWALEH, there will be little exposition and more meat and potatoes. As far as cannon goes, it'll be pretty clear that things are going to go off track very hard very soon, and it will be beautiful.

As for the Oogakari goes, I am trying to give the Naruto characters more screentime and make the story focus on them, however that definitely does not mean that everyone's favorite batch of immortals is going to take back seats to everything. There ARE going to be a couple more OC's that will show up soon that will further cause things to go haywire, in a bad way, and as a result several members will be elaborated on more and have extremely big roles that will put into perspective just how bloody powerful they really are when they decide that they really want to kill something.

They will also be important in that everyone will once again be exposed to just how different their mentalities are from normal people's and just how unfair and frustrating it can be, and it will cause issues.

More than the issues Naruto currently has with zombies. He REALLY doesn't like zombies.

Hope everyone recognized the shout out to Kagaseo's Echoes. That shit that happened to him there was 100% YAWALEH cannon, and there's possibly more suffering to come on that front for him. That's all I'm saying there.

Anyways. That's about it for now. I'll try to update faster, but don't hold your breaths. Sorry.

So REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NEVER ASK SHADOW TO MAKE YOU A PAINTBALL GUN! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Four: When does something as awesome sounding as the word "cannon" suck? In Naruto that's where! So, to correct this, we should refer to this story's timeline as bazooka, or… hadoken, or demon chicken of doom, or OH DEAR GOD ITS ON MY FACE!

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With the unfortunate trackers:

"Still nothing?" Sasuke looked back at Ino whose eyes were closed, not at all concerned with the fact that he and his teammates were sitting on a giant hawk that was flying above the ocean just below the clouds. His contract with the bird summons was unnaturally useful for travelling over long distances, which was convenient for tracking and keeping up with shinobi that could also fly.

"No." The Yamanaka sighed in frustration. "He definitely came this way, but as far as I can tell his trail really does just wanders about before going down and disappear around here. The ocean winds don't do us any favors either. We're probably dozens of kilos away from where it really did stop if not more, and that's if a storm didn't happen in the time between him and us getting here."

"As unlikely as it sounds, is it possible that Naruto actually wore himself out and… well…" Sakura looked down in the ocean.

"Possible? Yes." Kakashi nodded in a resigned tone. "Likely? More than I'd like to admit considering who he is. Even with his stamina he has to run out at some point."

"Meaning we're better off just searching all the islands and coasts nearby. We find chaos. We'll find Naruto." Sasuke concluded. He did not believe for a second that his friend had died so easily. His luck was too cruel to everyone to let that happen.

"Could he have landed on a boat?" Sakura suggested.

"No." Ino shook her head as she opened her eyes. "Naruto always pumps out huge amounts of chakra that lingers for his seventh sense, even when he's asleep or unconscious. He'd have to be sickeningly low to just vanish like that."

"Well it looks like we're island hopping then." Kakashi smiled as he took out a map of the area. "And personally it's not a bad place to get lost in if I don't mind saying… well so long as he's alive of course. We're far enough south that most of the areas here are quite well reputed for their vacation spots."

"Good thing we decided to check out Uzushio's ruins." Sakura nodded. Their first stop in the search for Naruto had come up far more fruitful than they had anticipated without actually encountering the target. The village had been covered with hints that he was there from his chakra enveloped the entire area, to the fact that there were more than a few recently triggered traps, seals, and bombs that were set off inside.

One building in particular had been particularly blown to kingdom come. No one in the group knew if it was because Naruto did it on purpose, or one of his ancestors really wanted to make sure no one went inside.

That had been three days ago.

From there, Ino managed to trace his unique chakra lacing the air moving south along the coast of fire country and across several small islands till they reached the point where they were now.

"Let's find a resort with a spa." Ino groaned as she stretched her stiff joints under her hooded tan cloak, identical to the ones that rest of the group were wearing. The cloaks weren't really meant for the cold as they were to prevent the team from being sunburnt.

As astounding as it sounds, there was little shade to be found on the top of a giant bird in flight. Sasuke learned that the hard way the first time he used his birds for long distance travel.

"As tempting as that sounds, we're tracking Naruto of all people remember?" Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want to accidentally encounter him while you're in the middle of getting pampered?"

Ino paused for a moment before shivering. Back during her vacation in Moon Country, she had been getting the full treatment in one of the biggest spas in the island when Naruto worked his magic on the casino in the same building. That had been a unique experience to say the least.

"Ok then." Kakashi looked at the map with his normal eye. "If upwind right now is… that way, then we want to be searching for islands in that general direction first. Islands part of clusters would be good since we could scan more of them at once. Ones with major trade cities would be good to get information from too. That being the case…"

o. o. o.

Suna:

"I said I'm fine Shikamaru." Temari grumbled at her boyfriend while using her crutches to finally walk away from the hospital after almost two weeks of recovering from burns, broken bones, a concussion, and some bruised organs. "Honestly it's like you're the girl in this relationship!"

"Someone has to." Kankuro chuckled in good humor from several feet behind the pair before he had to duck as his elder sister in one swift motion popped up one of her crutches so that she held it like a club and swung backwards at his head without looking. "Oh shi-!"

"Just because I'm still recovering doesn't mean I can't kick your ass Kankuro." The blonde turned her anger towards her sibling. She would have pressed on for one last strike, but her body wouldn't move.

"As entertaining as watching you pummel your brother for the hundredth time would be, I'm going to have to put a hold on that plan." Shikamaru sighed with his shadow connected to Temari's. "You were in there longer than you needed to because you aggravated your injuries fighting with Gaara. Please don't give them a reason to take you back so soon. I was looking forward to finally spending time with you in a place that doesn't smell like antiseptic."

Temari glared at her boyfriend as her body slowly began to relax. "You're a real romantic, you know that?"

"I would have gotten you more flowers, but they're too troublesome on my wallet." The Nara shrugged as his technique ended as quickly as it had started... and then had to duck to avoid a slap upside the head. The sister of the Kazekage had recently taken to trying to get the teen to stop saying "troublesome" every other sentence and decided that physical motivation was the best way to do it. Kankuro likened the situation to an owner training his dog to stop a bad habit. "Oi! It's true! They're expensive as hell here! You said it yourself!"

"Idiot." The eighteen year old grunted as she shifted her bandages to reduce some of the pressure on her wounds. "You better have some nice place planned out for later." She shook her head and sighed. "Sorry. I've just been a bit stressed out lately. Akatsuki attacked and after I got hurt you guys were swamped with the collateral and the cleanup. I've barely seen or heard from Gaara since the attack."

"I doubt you'd want to." Kankuro sighed, a bit more somber now. "He's been working day and night to try and get things under control. Calming down the villagers, helping with the reconstruction of the roads, negotiating with the traders here that it's still safe to come. The attack did more than just mess with our security. If the traders and clients don't feel safe or confident in our abilities to protect our home, then they'll go somewhere else for shinobi services and other goods. To be honest I haven't seen him that irritated in a long time." He paused. "Well… excluding when he went postal during the end of the fight."

Shikamaru shivered at the memory. He hadn't felt that overwhelmed or insignificant since the time Shadow decided to show him some of what she could REALLY do with her powers. Of course comparing the immortal and the jinchuriki was like comparing the moon and the sun, but from the eyes of a small animal they were both impossibly large to the point that there was no real difference in terms of size.

"I still don't know why he went like that." Temari frowned. "He looked ready to give up when that bastard was holding the village hostage with that stupid dud, but then suddenly it was almost like he was a kid again and… well… you know."

"I think it's best if you asked him that yourself. He might take it the wrong way if you try to get it from someone else." Shikamaru didn't tell anyone that it was because of Naruto that at least half of Suna hadn't disintegrated in their homes. He himself would have had some trouble believing it if Gaara didn't tell him, albeit indirectly, that the blond was in his office the night of the attack. Not that he wasn't grateful mind you, but the idea of his friend running around unsupervised doing whatever the hell he wanted while being a bit more unhinged than normal didn't leave the Nara with warm fuzzy feelings.

The sole female in the group sighed. "That is if I can get to him. Like you said he's been swamped lately, more than enough to not even see me, his favorite sibling, when I was injured."

"Ignoring the lack of family love I am once again receiving." Kankuro began with an annoyed twitch of the eyebrow. "He has been trying to see you lately. He would have a few days ago if the Daimyo didn't send him that mandatory call to the capital to talk about the attack. Honestly, even though that fat piece of lard has stopped outsourcing our missions he's still a pain in our ass. We sent him a bird that told him exactly what the situation was, that we had it under control albeit still in recovery, and that we were still good for all the missions sent on our way, and he still took Gaara away when he's needed for the village's morale."

Morale. That indeed was an interesting topic of conversation in Suna. Depending on who you asked, you'd get a different answer. The civilians, who all had mandatory basic shinobi/chakra control training to improve their endurance and adaptability in the desert, were both proud and a bit terrified of Gaara.

Of course they were scared of him before, but this was the first time that the people en masse had seen their leader pull out all the stops for their sake. It was like seeing a wild puppy that scared you as a child become tamed, grow up alongside you for long enough that you forgot just how dangerous he was, and then go absolutely nuts on some guy that endangered you and show that he was far more dangerous than you expected or remembered.

Of course the negative reactions to Gaara's display of power were virtually crushed the following day where he had called the people of his village to make an announcement and then much to their surprise went on his hands and knees to apologize to everyone for the trouble he had caused and for the unfortunate lives that had been taken up in the crossfire.

The deafening silence had lasted forever to Shikamaru… that was until thankfully some fool from the audience laughed and said that if Gaara was really sorry they'd expect him to be able to move the entire village out of the way the next time a fight happened. Then another guy trying to be funny upped the stakes by saying that Gaara should instead simply levitate the village all the time. Things began to snowball from there until everyone in the village was under the belief (much to Gaara's horror) that their leader was a desert god and by the time he was done with puberty no enemy would be able to enter the land of Wind without getting slaughtered.

Gaara obviously knew better than to take the compliments to heart. He had after all met a genuine god before and knew without a doubt that he would never be able to reach that level of absurd natural authority.

Still despite all that had happened, it didn't change the fact that Suna had been attacked hard by shinobi who were capable of severely harming their home. The guards that had been posted on and around the border had been tripled and many of the locals were more than a bit jumpy at times despite their confidence in their leader. Shikamaru, being a foreigner and not that common of a face in the village, had been confronted no less than six times since the battle due to suspicions that he might be a foreign spy for the enemy before he informed them of his status as an emissary from Konoha.

"His sense of timing is abysmal, but it was bound to happen sooner or later." The Nara pointed out to Kankuro. "This was a big incident that could lose the guy a lot of face in front of other nations if not handled properly. More importantly though is what Gaara's next step is with regards to Akatsuki."

"Next step?" Temari raised an eyebrow as she inspected her boyfriend's face. She recognized the dark glint in his eyes instantly. He got it whenever he was doing long term planning and scenario evaluation. She never mentioned it, but she always got a shiver of excitement and fear whenever she saw him with that look.

"We've shown our hand." Kankuro connected the dots first. There was a reason he was a jonin after all. "You. Me. Gaara. Chiyo. Like it or not we're the pillars of Suna when it comes to individuals that actually have significant firepower, and now Akatsuki knows both that and our capabilities. We've revealed our skills and techniques to the enemy and we didn't even get a kill in the end. The next time they come, they're not going to be convenient and go through the front doors with only two people."

"True, but they probably won't act on Suna again for a while." Shikamaru pointed out. "They'll probably wait for an opening before trying anything else and focus on the other biju. Gaara's more than proven that fighting him on his turf is a bad idea and it's not like he's going anywhere. Unless they want to show the entire world that they are a threat to all major villages by trashing Suna with more than two members at a time and risk their cover of remaining anonymous, they won't try something over the top here again for a while. It'll give you time to fix that ridiculously huge armor puppet of yours."

"Weiss." The puppetmaster corrected. "Its name is Weiss and you know I designed it for heavy combat in mind, primarily Akatsuki. Considering it managed to get through at least one of Sasori's personal puppets, I'd say it was a damn good success."

"Yeah, only it takes you forever to fix and make it." Temari snorted. "The smiths in town nearly had a heart attack when you originally came with the part requests and the armor specs."

"Better a few crying smiths than a dead brother." Kankuro frowned.

"What was that?"

"Oi. Don't make me use my shadows on you two again." Shikamaru grunted warningly. It bugged him that he had to fill in Gaara's role as the moderator between the two siblings whenever they argued. The problem didn't occur that often when they were kids because they didn't want to risk irritating a homicidal jinchuriki, but now they seemed to be making up for lost time.

"Fine." Temari sighed, hobbling around the corner. "Sorry Kankuro. I'm just a bit annoyed about being stuck inside for so long."

"Eh. I should be used to it by now." The subtle jab was not left unnoticed, however before anyone could say anything the puppetmaster turned to Shikamaru again. "Back on the topic at hand though, I can tell there's something else that you're not mentioning. You tend to be tight lipped about your logic if one of the main parts' something you don't want to talk about."

Shikamaru barely managed to hold back muttering his favorite word. Only his closer friends and family members back home normally caught onto that bad habit of his. Apparently he had been spending so much time with Kankuro recently that he fell into the category as well. "The less people know the better, and before you ask Gaara agrees with me."

Temari scowled. "Since when does my brother trust you more than us?"

"Since he decided that he didn't want to concern his heavily injured and overworked siblings with information that they couldn't do anything with and would only give them more to worry about." The Nara answered without hesitation in a final tone.

"Goodie. Confidential international conspiracies." Kankuro sighed. "The movies make them sound so much more interesting than they really are."

He was speaking from experience. As a jonin, the son of one Kazekage and the brother of another, he was a frequent face in the village's government and as such had access to many confidential pieces of information that he was frequently tasked to go through at one point or another for negotiations and the like. While Temari tended to manage more of the diplomatic relation projects for Temari, Kankuro was more focused on the internal law bits.

Of course he had yet to go through the more interesting files like Pakura's betrayal, or the exact details behind Sasori's defection, but that was to be expected. He was only about seventeen after all.

"Like it or not, there's nothing much to do about it now." The shadow user shrugged as he glanced at a restaurant. "As corny as it sounds, let's unwind and get something to eat to celebrate Temari's dismissal from the hospital. Odds are she's itching for some real food by now."

"You have no idea." The blonde smirked as she went through a list of all the best places to eat were in the area. "We're going for gusto tonight boys. Gaara and I kicked that exploding bastard's ass and Kankuro managed to tear apart two of the legendary Sasori's puppets. That should be more than enough to celebrate hard."

"Hard my ass." Kankuro muttered, recalling his sister's alcohol tolerance. "You're a freaking lightweight."

"I agree. You shouldn't push yourself so much sister." Gaara nodded sagely from the other side of Temari, catching his siblings off guard by his sudden appearance.

"What the hell!?" Kankuro jumped back.

"Damn it! I told you not to do that!" Temari stumbled unevenly on her crutches.

"Glad you could make it." Shikamaru smirked, not at all surprised. "For a while there I thought that the boys in the office managed to bury you in paperwork."

"I may have been inclined to say some words that were considered somewhat impolite at some point." The Kazekage evasively admitted without shame. "Thankfully, I have recently come across a technique that makes my duties much easier to manage."

Temari and Kankuro noted that their brother, from their perspective at least, appeared to be pleased enough with said technique that he was virtually jumping for joy. Of course this in reality meant that his facial expressions were merely more relaxed and pleased than what he normally displayed.

"I bet you did." The Nara already knew what his friend was talking about. Troublesome jinchuriki and their troublesome chakra reserves and their troublesome clone spamming and…

WHAM!

"I don't know what you were thinking, but I have no doubt you were abusing the forbidden word in the process." Temari frowned with one of her crutches raised firmly in her hand. "Just for that you are paying for dinner tonight."

Shikamaru didn't say anything about the fact that he was already planning on covering her meal. If he did then it would only get…

"I mean ALL of our meals tonight. Kankuro and Gara included." The jonin smirked, enjoying her boyfriend's expression pale considerably.

"Whipped." Kankuro grinned.

"Without a doubt." Gaara agreed.

"… Troublesome."

WHAM!

"Worth it."

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

"Here are the rules." Zabuza stated darkly at the shinobi that had accompanied him and the Mizukage to the resort. "If someone I don't know approaches me. I'll kill you all. If a suicidal fool attacks me, I'll kill you all. If an idiot's beach toy lands on me. I'll kill you all. If some brat interrupts my relaxation by yelling too loud. I'll kill you all. If you ask me a dumb question. I'll kill only you, your partner, and the idiot you work under for not doing their job training you, but it will be twice as painful and violent than if I killed you along with everyone else. If you ask me a smart question, I'll answer it, then likely kill you anyway."

"Ehem."

"Right. What I said goes double for the Mizukage. Also, if any of you try hitting on Haku, I won't kill you all but I fully expect her to."

"I'll try my best Zabuza."

"No doubt you will. Any questions?"

The Demon of the Hidden Mist was meant with silence.

"Murdering by me will be refrained at this point in time so long as said questions are not retarded."

Still silence.

"Fine. Haku will be the judge of what qualifies as retarded."

Several hands rose up.

Their efforts were for naught however as their very violent superior was dragged off of his pedestal by his boss the Mizukage via his ear. "Please don't mind him. Just do your jobs as you normally do and enjoy yourselves during your time off."

There was a brief pause.

"However if my vacation is in fact interrupted by something trivial, **I** will kill you all."

The nonexistent sound of three teams of shinobi disappearing was made, leaving Zabuza, Mei and Haku alone with their beach equipment on the coast of Moon country. In the near distance, Chujuro and Suigetsu could be seen in their swimwear seemingly relaxing while in reality keeping an eye out for potential enemies… or girls. Either or.

"You two are such great role models." The ice user sighed as she unrolled her towel and put up an umbrella before taking off her large t-shirt to reveal the conservative one piece blue swimsuit she wore.

"I did a good job with you didn't I?" Zabuza snorted, wearing nothing but long shorts, sandals and wrapping around his hands and mouth.

"From what I was told about your travels, it was the other way around." The Mizukage smirked elegantly while in a deep blue bikini that did nothing to hide her bust. "Are you sure you wish to spend so much time in the sun Haku? It would ruin your beautiful complexion."

Konoha's Yuki-onna shrugged before lying down in the shade. "It is quite all right. So long as I'm not directly in the sun all the time my skin tone won't change much. I think it has something to do with my bloodline limit."

"How convenient. There are countless girls that would kill for that." Of course, the Mizukage didn't know of any that could actually kill Haku. The young adult was easily one of the most powerful females on the planet now, and any woman that possessed the firepower to surpass the ice user would have more self control and respect to fight for such a petty reason.

… Well, Shadow Oogakari was an exception to the rule, but she wouldn't go through with those desires. She had more bizarre and thus more entertaining ways to get adequate results.

"They can try." Haku obviously was aware of this as well. "It was quite nice of Prince Michiru to allow us to stay here free of charge for vacation while you, he and Koyuki-sama finalize that trading agreement between your countries."

The deal in question was made to establish a solid sea based trading route from Spring country in the far north to the trade heavy Moon country in the South. The deal would enable Spring country's wares and devices to be sold with a higher reliability to more clients in the south while giving Water country early access and a small discount to many of these wares. Kiri would in turn protect the ships and the route itself from potential pirates and shinobi that might attempt to steal their wares. It would be a pleasant change of things for the large country since as it was located on an island away from the other major nations it was frequently the last to be updated on many of the latest technological innovations in the world.

It was because of this early access to trading goods of Spring country and the resources of Moon country that prompted the Mizukage herself in addition to a full entourage of ANBU and three of the Seven Swordsmen to come for the deal. The heightened presence would be a message to everyone of how significant the trade was and that touching Kiri's newest allies would bring dire consequences.

Zabuza's and Haku's presence would in essence symbolize Konoha's approval and support for the deal even though the Leaf was technically not a part of it. This would indirectly improve relations between Konoha and Kiri since they would both be strong supporters and allies of both Spring and Moon country.

"Nice nothing." Zabuza snorted. "The second that gullible fool found out from Koyuki that you were solid friends with the whisker brat he went head over heels to give us the five star treatment. I haven't eaten this well in years, let alone more than a meal at a time."

"I was surprised how easy the final negotiations and everything else went after your friend was brought up." Mei agreed. "Everyone seemed to care less about formalities which made things much faster. You should use him in negotiations more often if he has that effect on people."

Zabuza and Haku looked at one another for a brief second before they shook their heads in tandem. "Not gonna happen."

"I see. A shame then." The woman smirked as she laid down on her own towel and pushed aside her extensively long brown hair to reveal her backside. "Zabuza, would you be so kind as to oil me up?"

The assassin was contemplating to say something he thought was witty, but the Mizukage's additional subtle gesture of raising her very appealing rear up into the air just a bit shot that mental process to hell instantly. With a half hearted sigh, the hands that had been responsible for countless deaths made way for the suntan lotion.

"You're such a dear." The woman smiled pleasantly.

"What are you, my mother?" Zabuza grumbled under his breath, ignoring the fact that he never technically knew his mother since both his parents had died in the second war leaving him an orphan shortly after he was born.

"What was that?"

"He said he's like no other." Haku came in for the save, knowing what would happen to Zabuza, and the beach, if things spun out of control. A brief look from the man was enough to convey his thanks.

"What she said. Now stay still while I rub this crap all over your body."

At the very least, no one could deny that the man had a way with words…

"Mmmm." The Mizukage sighed happily as her man began his work starting with her lower back. "Your hands at least certainly aren't like your tongue."

"You would know that better than anyone wouldn't you?"

"If you two ever have kids, I have no doubt in my mind that I'M going to be the one raising them." Haku sighed as she closed her eyes and attempted to get some rest. She didn't sleep. She never slept in such exposed conditions. Her body was too conditioned from being raised on the run to do that and it would always be a part of her. The fact that she was surrounded by about a dozen hidden shinobi didn't help either…

However the main reason why she was still conscious was due to the fact that for the past few days there had been an itch on the back of her head that she couldn't get rid of. It was subtle and she could easily ignore it, however it was without a doubt there. All she knew was that she could feel that something was nearby, and she didn't like it. She could tell that Zabuza felt it too given that he seemed to be in a pretty bad mood lately. He probably had a stronger feeling than she did that something was off given that he had yet to drop his guard since the sensation first made itself known.

"So long as I'm not the one giving the birds and the bees talk, you can do whatever you want." Zabuza snorted.

Haku shivered. "I will never allow you to give that speech to any other unfortunate soul ever again. EVER."

"I've heard of parents botching it up before, but was it really that bad?" Mei asked curiously.

"To put things into perspective, after captain sensitivity explained everything to me I spent the rest of my life until Konoha acting and behaving like a boy to the point that I sometimes forgot what gender I was unless I looked at myself naked."

"Didn't help your case that you were so damn androgynous looking until a few years ago. Made things so much easier too." The swordsman sighed.

"Well then, I guess that means I'm going to have to make any potential daughters as feminine as possible to prevent that from happening again won't I?" Mei chuckled. While most women would find what Zabuza said very concerning she knew better than to judge him. The life of a missing nin was difficult, especially for a high profile one. The fact that Zabuza had kept the young Haku with him alone and lived for as long as he did was an impressive feat. The fact that Haku had turned out as well as she did even more so.

"The hell you will." Zabuza shivered at the thought of being surrounded by a family of emotional females with shinobi training and makeup… and then paused.

This wasn't the first time the topic of having kids and starting a family with Mei had been brought up. Tsunade had even suggested making a political marriage between him and the Mizukage as a way of, at least partially, allowing him to be a Kiri shinobi again complete with political power and more diplomatic immunity. He'd represent both Konoha and Kiri's political ties in that sense while remaining a Konoha shinobi but returning to being one of the un-banished Seven Swordsmen, something everyone knew he silently wished but never admitted to anyone. In all honesty, he wasn't against such an idea either despite the work it would require, but that too was something he would not admit out loud.

The Oogakari joked that it was his tsundere complex going into overdrive. Assholes.

Hell it wasn't the first time he had pictured actually having a family in his head. The images were in fact coming far too easily for him to ever admit, and honestly while it did appeal to him there were so many things that could ruin that image… especially in the oncoming months. It was better not to dwell on something that might never happen. It would only get in the way of getting things done that needed to get done.

"Something wrong?" The Mizukage mused. "You stopped."

"Huh." He grunted as he noticed that he did in fact stop rubbing the lotion and decided to resume his work. "Can we scrap the kid talk? I spend too much time dealing with brats as it is. It's annoying."

Mei's green eye glanced at her lover briefly before closing again. "Very well then. Let us speak about our well deserved vacation then. I for one believe I will explore the casinos and spas in this lovely island."

"You would get along with Tsunade-sama perfectly." Haku smiled. "I'll simply take in the sights. There are many beautiful sight seeing spots in the mountains, especially during sunrise and sunset."

Zabuza didn't say anything, but almost predicted that Haku would do that. The girl was still rather uncomfortable in large crowds of strangers for long periods of time and preferred to stay in the woods by habit. It was part of the reason why she took to being a Konoha shinobi so quickly as opposed to him who didn't really adapt to any location that well.

"And what of you Zabuza?" Mei asked curiously, groaning slightly as the man inadvertently found a sweet spot on her back.

The large man frowned for a moment in thought before coming up with an answer. "I'm thinking of maybe exploring the waters around the island. Isobu seems to like the area so I'm humoring him this time."

" **Humor my scaled ass."** The biju inside of him grumbled. **"You just don't want to deal with the people here."**

" _Do you want me to check out the area for you or not?"_

" **You probably won't have the time to do it anyways."** The turtle's ominous warning caused the man to stop moving.

" _Why do I have the feeling I'm going to want to hurt something when you're done explaining what you mean by that?"_

"Zabuza? If you keep on stopping like this, I'm going to have to ask Haku to do the job instead." Mei frowned, irritated that her massage had once again stopped prematurely.

" **Don't give me that human. You and the ice child could feel it days ago and it's only gotten closer since. You should at least be able to tell where it's coming from by now."**

"Haku." The killer stated emptily as he looked around him and expanded his senses to try and see what direction the annoying itch was coming from. It took him a few seconds to realize that it actually had a source now and was coming from the ocean in front of him.

The shinobi known as Haku opened her eyes at the unspoken command and sat up. "Yes." She responded. It was not a question, but merely a confirmation that she was ready to receive orders.

"Hmmm?" Mei too opened her visible eye and tried to determine what was going on that had her lover suddenly so spooked.

"Take waterboy and the shaker and find out what's causing that damn itch." The jinchuriki demanded with a frown. "I'll leave the rest for you to decide."

It took a few seconds for the girl to determine what Zabuza was getting at before realizing that the off feeling she's been having recently had a source of origin now. Grabbing her shirt and a pair of pants that had had a standard pouch of equipment on the attached belt, the girl disappeared and reappeared fully, if not lightly clothed next to her temporary subordinates a good distance away.

Moments later (and a slap upside Suigetsu's head), the three were running across the ocean… well, more like two of them were. Suigetsu had fused with the water and only his upper torso was now above the water leading the group to where he no doubt was detecting some sort of odd chakra signature. While he was not under most circumstances a sensor, there was little that the hozuki couldn't find if it was in the same body of water as he was.

"Care to tell me what that was about?" The Mizukage asked as if bored and satisfying a curiosity.

She didn't fool Zabuza in the slightest. He knew it was an order, not a request. "Just checking out a gut feeling. Could be something. Could not. Haku will be the verdict of that."

"And our dear Haku had this feeling too while I did not?" The Mizukage's eye narrowed suspiciously.

"Consider it something we picked up after meeting a few people." He replied vaguely. _"Isobu. This is going to be my last vacation and moment of peace before things go to hell. For the love of all that causes the fucking green hair to suffer, at least tell me if what I'm feeling is going to try and kill us or not."_

The man sensed the biju remain quiet as it pondered what it should say. **"You are familiar with the source. However… friend or foe, I cannot tell you with certainty. Odds are likely it would be for you to decide…"**

"Me to decide? The hell is that supposed to mean?" The man grunted out loud in annoyance. "Fucking ancient existences. Why can't they give you a damn straight answer when you ask them something?"

"I believe they find us puny mortals' confusion to be amusing." Mei answered while relaxing on the towel again. This was not the first time Zabuza had wound up talking out loud to himself after a conversation with his biju, and she had long since gotten used to it. "Now do my bidding human slave and tend to your lord before she smites you."

Zabuza was very tempted to make a comment about smiting while she was pinned down beneath him and maybe a slightly more than playful smack upside the ass, but he decided against it. She tended to get pretty pissed whenever he did that with her subordinates watching… and like it or not the screams of Ghost Oogakari running away from acid using females managed to etch a very well founded fear into his soul.

"Eh. Might as well." He sighed before undoing the woman's top to get to the rest of her back. "There are worse lords to be the minion of."

Hence why he stayed as far away from Konoha as he could whenever Scab was around.

"Glad to hear it." Mei Terumi sighed contently. "It's a shame you'll be stuck on guard duty when you get back."

"It'll be boring as hell, but at least I'll have the space to cut loose every once in a while." He smirked. "The side benefits aren't too shabby either."

"Please. You'll have to earn those perks. You won't get them just by sitting around and waiting all day. I don't give out freebies."

"I'll think of something that you'll like and appreciate."

"No you won't. You'll probably just whine like a puppy for months until something happens or you god forbid actually get an idea. I have half a mind to ask Konoha to send over Kakashi to keep you company so that won't happen."

Zabuza's eyebrow twitched. "You dare do that and I'll have to reignite my past goal of killing a Mizukage. For dignity's sake mind you."

"I'll make a note of it."

Many of the ANBU secretly listening on the pair's conversation couldn't help but wonder why the hell the two weren't married yet.

The next hour went by without much happening. No outlandish sources of chakra were detected. No one attacked the Mizukage or anyone else of note on the island, partially due to the ANBU scaring away anyone that tried to get even close to said individuals, and Zabuza's hands roamed over parts of the Mizukage's body that would get anyone else murdered in painful ways that there were currently no words for.

All the while the itching feeling on the back of the man's head grew stronger and stronger to the point that he felt like he should be preparing for something big any second.

And then Chojuro came back panting and pale as if he just saw a ghost.

"Mizukage-sama! Hah! Zabuza-sama! Hah! Hah! We… we found… Haku a-and…"

"Boy. What have I told you about tongues and fools who stutter?" Zabuza grunted.

The man's junior swallowed heavily and forced himself to calm down. "That they don't need one another sir."

"Mmm. You are a bit crass with him, but you do get results." Mei mused, still relaxing on her towel with one eye open. "Don't worry Chojuro. I won't let him hurt you… not today at least. Now please do continue with your report."

Glancing back at the sea, the teen decided on what to say. "I think it's better if you saw it for yourselves."

Raising a skeptical eyebrow, the Demon of the Hidden Mist looked out past the boy and narrowed his eyes to see what the boy was getting at and appropriately blinked disbelievingly. "No. No. Fuck no. No way in hell. You have got to be shitting me. Son of the queen of infested BACK ALLEY DUCK…"

"Now that is interesting." Mei frowned as she saw Zabuza start to walk around while unleashing a very long and colorful chain of swears that would in most cases get him kicked out of any if not all places considered mildly civilized. Turning around to the sea and picking herself up (after resetting her bikini top of course) the woman looked to see what had set off the man as badly as it did. To her knowledge the only person that could invoke that sort of reaction out of him was Scabbard Oogakari, the infamous Hill of Blades.

Instead however she saw something that was just as surprising if not peculiar. Off in the distance she saw Haku and Suigetsu walking on the water next to what Zabuza had apparently sensed earlier… only instead of some sort of bizarre sea animal, shinobi, or summon, it was oddly enough a fox the size of a very young horse with two tails carrying a young unconscious boy with blond hair on its back.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the land of Earth:

"I hear our guests have been rather… uncooperative since they regained consciousness." A rather unimpressive looking man in standard Iwa shinobi attire casually stated at the coffee table.

"You just heard that?" One of the other ninja in the room snorted as he took a sip of black gold. "The fuck have you been?"

"Here and there." The first man shrugged dismissively. "I only just told that we were hosting such prominent individuals earlier today."

"Yeah well you certainly got the longer end of the stick on that one. It would have been better for you if you kept on not knowing." A kunoichi grunted. "We should have kept them under. They're too much of a pain to keep watch on for my liking."

"That bad?"

"In addition to chaining them to the walls, we have the strongest chakra suppressing seals we can find on them and on the room, AND keep them mildly sedated through their food and drink, but somehow they nearly managed to escape six times already. EACH." The coffee drinking man shivered. "It's like they know how to be tied up better than we do keeping them prisoner and how to escape. The only reason why we managed to get them back is either because they're too drugged up to fight their way out, and trust me when I say that's barely the case, or because they don't know how to navigate their way out."

"Sounds like a pair of high maintenance women."

"We've been forced to have a full team keep watch on them at all times to make sure they don't escape now. EACH." The kunoichi shook her head. "And considering how lacking of manpower we are here, we barely have enough time to sleep more than a dozen hours a week. Hell I just got off my shift. High maintenance doesn't even begin to describe them."

"I fear for anyone that decides to take them as wives. Have we at least gotten any information out of them?"

"Other than the fact that they supposedly weren't even in our country when they were ambushed, by whom they can't even remember for some reason, no. They are just as confused as to why they were in Earth country as we are." The first man shook his head. "Trying to get anything else is almost pointless. Most of us have trouble just staying in the same room as them when they're awake. Every time someone walks in for any reason other than giving them food, they give off this insane killing intent despite being drugged. I've never felt anything like it before. We actually had to split them up because the last time someone was in with them at the same time while they were up, he was blasted with enough of the stuff point blank to have a seizure. He lived, but he won't go anywhere near their cells now. Scared shitless of snakes and dogs now too."

The unimpressive man whistled. "Wow. I haven't heard of anyone being able to pull something like that off in a while. I guess their being considered for S rank status wasn't just for hot air after all."

"I say kill them now." The Kunoichi grunted. "They're a waste of resources and we aren't getting anything out of keeping them alive. Their bounties alone would be enough to support our funds for a good while. Plus if they do get free and proper muscle control again, I don't doubt they'd be able to kill most of us off before they were brought down. All we'd have to do is crush them in their cells from the outside."

"Hmm. You do have a point if they are that dangerous… though if we do go through with it, we might as well do it right. They are quite valuable so it would be best to execute them properly." He shook his head. "Still, I wish to see them for myself before anything is finalized…" He paused for a moment before noticing a concerned look the other male in the room was giving him. "Something on your mind?"

The coffee drinking shinobi grimaced. "The thing is… those two aren't worried for their lives. They're pissed, yeah, but confident too. It's one of the few things we got from them. When we tried to play mind games with them, you know the standard, threatened to kill and torture and the like and that their bodies never see the light of day as they would be buried under mountains of stone… non baseless threats considering our history, they merely laughed." He shook his head. "They claimed that if we did that someone in particular they know would find out regardless, find each and all of us, and murder us in ways that we've never heard of before scattering everything we worked for like dust in the wind. Literally."

"I'm telling you that's bullshit." The girl snorted.

"And I'm telling you they weren't shitting us. Not as far as they knew." The man grunted. "I worked in T and I. I can tell when someone was lying or at least masking their emotions. But those two, when they said it it wasn't in the form of what you see in most prisoners. No begging, warnings, threats, offerings, taunts, or anything like that. They spoke as if it was a simple fact. Like the sky was blue or that water was wet. Normally the burying in the middle of the earth threat gets some sort of reaction of some sort, even an emotional withdrawal to maintain self control." He looked somberly at his reflection in his drink. "Those two wouldn't be considered S ranked if they weren't somewhat intelligent. There's substance to what they said of that I have no doubt. Just how much I don't know, and that's what's bugging me."

"Could it be that they are simply going unstable due to the drugs that we are feeding them mixed with their situation?" It wasn't uncommon for that to happen. The stress from both the body and the environment have often cracked prisoners of war long before the interrogators got their hands on them. Hell. It was often the first ploy the interrogators used to soften the new subjects up.

"No." The man denied. "One's a medic and the other was THE Orochimaru's apprentice before he went missing. Their tolerance of poisons and drugs alone was insane enough that we're nearly tripling the dosage to make them manageable. The few conversations I had with them were enough for me to tell that they were still well within their right minds." He snorted. "Plus you couldn't break out of a jail in six different ways in such a short amount of time without having a clear head. If anything the crap we put in their food just makes them physically weaker."

"Hmm. You have a point there."

"Speaking of annoyances, who the hell are you supposed to be?" The Kunoichi asked skeptically. "I don't think I've seen you around here before."

The mood in the room grew tense as the still casual newcomer became the new focus of attention. "Let's just say that I'm no one you're supposed to know, yet someone whose job is to know more than you."

His answer didn't stop the pair from reaching for their kunai.

"Must you suspect me?" The man sighed, still not unsettled by his current situation and slowly pointed to a scroll on his side, all the while leaving himself obviously open to attack. "If it makes you feel any more comfortable with me, I am here to deliver information from Iwa including but not limited to the current smuggling routes so that ANBU don't catch us and the Tsuchikage's schedule for the next month. You can have a look if you don't believe me."

The pair looked at one another warily before relaxing their stances. "No. That's fine." The man shook his head. "We've been on edge lately. You know of the spy rumors."

"I don't blame you." The man shrugged. "But next time please be more careful about your assumptions. You know that we suspect the spies to be intercepting our messages and interfering with our operations near the main towns and cities in Iwa. They wouldn't bother with this far off base here."

"I doubt anyone would." The kunoichi snorted. "One guy calls this base "Fort Butt Fucking Nowhere"."

"Well at least it gets the point across." The newcomer turned to leave the kitchen. "If you don't mind, I have my report to deliver now in addition to a few other things."

"Fine." The coffee drinker grunted as he turned back to his drink. His exhaustion seemed to be apparent since he was already drop dead tired looking again. "Just don't be so damn suspicious around the others. Everyone's on edge after spending time near those damn women."

"Will do."

His walk around the base was for the most part unremarkable. The shinobi he had encountered weren't joking when they said that everyone was overworked. The few he had come across in the halls were either going to the bathroom or busy working on some important task that could not be interrupted lest he wanted a kunai to the face. He knew from experience that the seemingly random threats sometimes thrown between shinobi were occasionally not so random when their bluffs were called…

Soon enough though he came across one of his destinations, a prison cell with the door surrounded by four trained if not weary shinobi.

"Codename Merchant." He stated calmly to what appeared to be the leader of the group while showing a small emblem on the inside of his collar that proved his rank among the resistance. A damn high one. "I'm here to see the prisoners. Which one is here?"

The tall thick man blinked momentarily before shaking his head. Given the rings under his eyes, he was in need of a good amount of sleep. "The snake. Crazy bitch is nuts. Keeps on saying messed up shit to us through the door when she's awake, but the moment we try and shut her up she somehow manages to escape or use that freakish intent of hers to scare us away. I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Don't think we finally managed to get all of her kunai yet. Hell we still don't know where she puts them all…"

"I'll manage, now please open the door and let me speak to the prisoner. I've never spoken to an imprisoned S rank before." He ignored one of the other shinobi on guard mutter some unkind things about his intelligence.

The leader only hesitated for a few seconds before relenting to the request. "Fine then. Don't blame me if you end up getting bitten by something. We still have a couple of men still recovering from snake bites from the first, third, and fourth times she tried to escape."

Not at all showing any trepidation as the heavy iron door opened completely for him, the Merchant casually walked inside the small prison room and took out a small sealing tag that did nothing but shine brightly in the dark room. Electricity was scarce in this part of the mountains and it was foolish to light a torch near shinobi from the land of fire…

"Oh? Are you my new playmate?"

Anko Mitarashi had clearly seen better days. Her clothes had clearly seen better days as they had been reduced to almost rags, covering even less than what they originally did. Her entire body, while still quite appealing, was covered in dirt, grime, cuts, bruises and other wounds, though somehow none were permanent so long as they were treated even mildly properly. Anyone with a small bit of medical training could tell spot that she had several ribs broken from the bruising on her chest, in addition to at least two fingers broken on her left hand and one on her right. Her right eye was blackened to the point that one might suspect her cheek bone was broken, and if one paid attention they would notice that she was missing a tooth…

Yet despite her injuries, being chained up to the wall in front of him, and supposedly drugged and starved for several days now… the Merchant had no doubt that this woman was still very much capable of easily murdering him in cold blood if he got too close.

What his eyes saw was completely in contrast to what the rest of his senses screamed at him as he made eye contact with the woman. Where his eyes saw a woman, his body felt a massive serpent coiled up, ready, and merely contemplating whether to strike at him or not.

It reminded him of the time he encountered Orochimaru for that one deal…

This woman in front of him was without a doubt more, and yet less dangerous than the snake sanin was at the same time…

Small wonder she had everyone in the building spooked.

Still, he was more curious than he was unnerved.

"Sorry, but I have a feeling that it would be in my best interest to turn down that position." He calmly let the words flow through his mouth, not at all showing a hint of fear or uncertainty.

"Pity." The woman sighed deeply, causing her already overexposed breasts to almost pop out of the torn fabrics that were her clothes. "And I was getting so bored too. You're already more interesting than the rest of the noobies here."

"Personally I share your view on that." He continued the conversation but not once let down his guard. He knew for a fact that monsters like this woman could literally strike at any time without so much as a hint of what they were planning. Hell, he had managed to pull it off a few times himself so it wouldn't be surprising to assume that the snake in front of him was expecting the same in kind.

"Oh?" The woman rose her good eyebrow, curious. "Not much of an interrogator are you? Already broke one of the first key rules. Don't answer the target's questions." She paused to breathe deeply again and rested her head back before laughing. "Ahahaaa… but you aren't a noobie are you? No, you would be pissing yourself now if you were…"

The murderous intent in the room doubled momentarily and just for an instant the Merchant had almost felt as if the snake in front of him had lunged for his throat…

And he merely stood in place and breathed in deeply. "Drugged my ass." He swore under his breath.

"Not my fault you guys use the cheap shit." Anko's dark and slightly delirious laughing continued slowly. "Believe what you want. We would have been long gone from this little hole in the ground if it weren't the case."

"So you can report on us to the Hokage?"

"The Hokage? Obviously. It's what you're supposed to do after getting out of things like this." She sarcastically retorted before her grin widened again, showing her bloody lip and missing tooth. "But you're more worried about the Tsuchikage finding out aren't you?"

The Merchant didn't grace the woman with a tell that she could catch. "Now that's a bit of a stretch isn't it? You're obviously in a prison in the land of Earth, captured by Iwa shinobi loyal to their village, and in a base. Don't play games with me about my loyalty. We are Iwagakure's soldiers."

"But you are not Onoki's." She stated as if it was obvious. "The doors here aren't as sound proof as you might think. So many people complaining about me and how the way things are done. Almost reminds me of home sweet home…"

"Keep this up and your memories will be all you have left of that place." He made a mental note to update the seals around the doors to not let sound in. Not for the first time he lamented not having the resistance's bases updated properly.

"Someone's touchy."

"I believe one of the men put it best when he mentioned that we were in the middle of the butt fuck mountain range."

"Point taken."

"You do realize that many of the shinobi here are contemplating killing you and your friend for your bounties and wash their hands with you." He inquired. "The thought's more tempting since you are being rather difficult. Can't say I disagree with them."

The metaphysical snake's tongue shot out irritably. "Forgive me if I do not feel like being tortured for information I either don't have or won't give. I told you shits before, we weren't even close to your territory when I was ambushed by those annoying fucks."

"Ones that you can't remember even fighting."

"Oh trust me. I'd be more than willing to tell you who they were so that more people would be after them and it'd be easier to catch them, but believe it or not I don't remember shit other than they got the drop on us." The killing intent in the room spiked again. "I do so love payback."

The Merchant had no doubt that she was referring to more than just the people that ambushed her. "I've heard. Word was that you were quite ecstatic when Orochimaru was killed during the failed invasion of Konoha."

The woman's face put on a dreamy expression. "Ah… good times. Don't think I've ever gotten that smashed that long for a good reason."

"I wonder how many would celebrate on news of your death?"

The sobering question did not get the reaction the man had hoped as the captive put on a thoughtful, albeit dazed expression. "Hmm. How many… let's see. Ah. There's that ass who I jailed for trying to poison my food. Then there're a good number of guys from Kusa after I stole a ton of their documents and poison ingredients. Then there's my asshole neighbor who thinks I'm loose…"

"And the death of your Inuzuka friend?"

"… I think there are a few of her distant cousins are still holding a grudge after killing that prick of a cousin of hers. What was his name again?"

"You're not making this easy for either of us you know."

"Says the idiot who is trying to hold a conversation with a supposedly psychotic woman who is currently on more drugs than most would be able to handle without croaking."

"All the more reason to kill you here and now."

The woman blinked on both confusion and annoyance. "What? Right here and now? You're no fun. No dramatic build up? No giant crowd? People would pay big time to see someone as big as me get offed. Not to mention the statement your group of so called revolutionaries would make if you actually showed that you had the balls to do it in front of everyone. You obviously aren't taking this revolution thing seriously if you can't take advantage of having me as your live captive."

"And risk you getting rescued in the process." He frowned.

The woman shrugged. "No shit, but then again you can't show the shinobi world that you mean business without risking your life these days. More so if you want to make a big impact to get people to follow a cause."

"Fair enough." The Merchant relented. "Granted the risking your life bit is what supposed leaders of movements are for, but your point is made. Still, I can't help but think about what one of the others has mentioned when they talked to you. About some person that would… "end us all" if we do kill you."

"Yep. Complete and utter destruction and murder with a generous side of prolonged torture. I wouldn't be surprised if the entirety of your resistance disappeared in a single night if you killed only one of us." Anko smiled calmly and casually.

"Please forgive me if I express doubts that the entirety of Konohagakure would be capable of such a feat so easily."

"Oh well you're not wrong. I doubt that Konoha would be able to pull that off too."

The Merchant's blood went cold. It was always a bad sign whenever an unknown group made the scene, especially when they showed signs of already possessing large if not unknown amounts of political or actual power and yet no one had noticed yet.

All he knew right now was that it was best to keep the woman talking, learn as much as possible as he could about this new group, and most importantly keep both of them alive. For now at least…

He swore in his head. The woman had hinted about this supposed group on purpose. Now that he was aware of their existence and their connection to the women, he would be inclined to keep them BOTH alive for their suddenly far more valuable information instead of just offing one for the bounty money and killing the other in a populated location to rally the people against Onoki and Konoha. She had moved three steps ahead of him and cut him off of a potential negotiating route before he had considered it.

Cunning little bitch in the grass.

"Funny. I didn't take you for a traitor." He drawled out smoothly, attempting to at least grasp at any other possible pieces of data that he could use.

"Who said I was?" The Snake Mistress purred out innocently.

"And if I was to doubt the existence of this so called group? Where is the proof?"

"Oh?" Anko raised an eyebrow amused. "Don't tell me you haven't seen it yet? Then again, you little Iwa children were always so self absorbed that you never saw what was going around you. Probably why no one really likes you that much and you're stuck with the shit missions. So unreliable." She shook her head in mock pity. "Such a shame. And here I thought that you were one of the few with a brain in this country…"

The Merchant was having more trouble breathing calmly now. Normally he prided himself on being in the know on virtually everything big that was going to happen in the elemental nations. He knew that Akatsuki was going to move, but that would be against all of the shinobi villages. He knew of recent deals being made and of potential political assassinations in the next three years…

But this woman was hinting at something big. Too big for him to be comfortable with. And she wasn't lying either. She was hinting at something that should be easy for him to spot, but he didn't see it yet…

" _Then again, you little Iwa children were always so self absorbed that you never saw what was going around you. Probably why no one really likes you that much and you're stuck with the shit missions. So unreliable."_

Wait… could she have been insinuating that Iwa was the only major village that wasn't in the loop?

It hit the man like a freight train.

Kiri's regaining of their swords and the Sanbi. Not to mention the political activity surrounding Zabuza Momochi.

Kumo's slight increase in trading with the other nations and toning down their espionage activities on their rivals.

Suna's stronger ties with Konoha.

Konoha's recent generation of exceptional shinobi…

Within the span of a few years, the other shinobi villages have been becoming slightly more social with one another while making strides in one way or another to increase their strength while at the same time still demilitarizing. Individually the clues were all minor if not easily forgettable, but when combined…

The villages were preparing for something big… all except for Iwa…

… No… Roshi… Kurotsuchi… those two had undergone significant changes in the same time frame. Onoki had also been more productive recently in his job as well despite his increasing chronic back pain. Those couldn't have just been mere coincidences.

Why wasn't Iwa experiencing a bigger boom than the other countries? Simple. They weren't trusted enough by the other countries or whoever it was pulling the strings… by anyone… which meant that his home village was either being set up to take the fall or being left to themselves when the shit hit the fan.

Even so, this only gave more evidence that Onoki was incompetent at managing and maintaining Iwagakure.

But it also meant that if Iwa had any chance of maintaining its power and pulling ahead for whatever event came ahead, the resistance would have to pull off an absolute coup. One that would manage to not only gain them the government of the hidden village, but also the hearts, minds, and loyalty of the populace as well. A daunting task even if things had been going their way.

And thus… the two women in its possession had proved themselves to be of far more use alive than dead… for now.

"Oh I know that look." The Snake Mistress… no… the Leviathan Queen grinned hungrily as he returned to reality.

Now he could tell the difference between her and Orochimaru. This woman had far more teeth, a stronger bite, and had an air of confident, almost regal predator superiority to her that made you feel that not only she was always contemplating on whether to eat you or not, but it was perfectly natural for her to do so.

However her mentor was more cunning, intelligent, subtle, and his bite was far more poisonous. He was harder to predict in the way that he too always seemed to be judging you as prey, but in a more twisted and insidious way. Instead of regal, the white snake had more of an unnatural air around him.

The Merchant was still having trouble deciding who was more dangerous though.

"Darn. I do believe I've said too much. Oh well tell me what's going on in your mind. Do tell. I'm quite interested in hearing what you think you know so I can taunt you with what you don't later…"

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

To say that Zabuza and Haku were a tad bit stressed out trying to keep the recently crowned King of Moon Country and the Daimyo of Spring Country out of the room in the castle they had put Naruto and the Kyubi in was a bit of an understatement.

Thankfully it wasn't impossible thanks to the combined efforts of Haku's and Mei's diplomatic charm… and a bit of Zabuza's presence.

"Ok. I'll bite. WHAT. THE. FUCK. FURBALL." Zabuza growled menacingly at the two tailed fox that was curled up casually in front of the unconscious boy's bed. Next to him the Mizukage and Haku were also silently wondering the same thing and a bit more. Mei had sent Ao, Chojuro and Suigetsu to run interference with anyone that attempted to get into the room.

The Kyubi snorted. **"Sorry. It's just that you are just too adorable right now trying to intimidate me of all beings. It's quite cute."**

"Oh don't you dare give me the Oogakari treatment you little rug." The jinchuriki of the Sanbi approached the fox menacingly while drawing out his sword. The twitch in his eyes was very hard to miss for everyone in the room. "Now tell me why you came here soaked like an overgrown ship ratcarrying our incarnation of chaos here before I make Isobu a veeeeery happy turtle."

" _ **Actually Kurama and I never really bothered one another. He was a prick to everyone but I never really cared much about…"**_

"Don't you DARE correct me now turtle or I swear…!"

"Haku?" Mei sighed tiredly as her boyfriend started to rant out angrily and randomly swinging his massive sword in no particular direction.

"Yes Mei-sama." The teenager mimicked the older woman and briefly went through some seals and encased her father figure completely in ice save for his head.

"What the hell?!"

"You need to calm down again Zabuza." Most of the time it took a lot for the man to snap like this. He was a professional assassin after all. Being cool headed and collected to the point of outdoing most of the Kage was an unspoken requirement. However among the things that got under his skin unusually quickly were significant random factors that he had no control over, especially ones that were technically on his side that popped up for no reason at all when he was trying to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet. The Oogakari and Naruto were at the top of that particular list.

" **Ah. I missed that."** The Kyubi chuckled. **"It would have been quite convenient to do that on the idiot on more than one occasion in the past few years."**

"It's good to see you again too Kyubi-sama." Haku bowed politely. "I am somewhat surprised that you are outside of Naruto. I take it that means he has finally mastered your power."

" **You could say that."** The strongest of the current biju grinned savagely. **"While I do have access to all of my chakra once more, I find it pleasant to be able to go out on my own in this state on occasion and partake in some of my old pleasurable activities from a new angle."**

"I am guessing that so long as the bulk of your power is inside your jinchuriki, you are able to leave without causing him harm then." Mei surmised as she looked at the infamous Feral Gale sleeping undisturbed in front of her. He was a bit pasty and thin from being in the water for so long and malnourishment, in addition to clearly suffering from sleep deprivation, but otherwise seemed pretty healthy. Not all that bad looking for a kid either.

" **I can leave with my full power anytime I wish."** The fox stated as if it was no big deal. **"The idiot is strong enough to last some time without me. However I find it enlightening to experience the world though a more… scaled perspective. Crushing prey like ants does get boring after a while, and I have grown fond of feeling more from each of my targets."**

"Tell me about it." Zabuza smirked, still trapped in ice but no longer attempting to create new chains of swears. "Blasting away the masses is good and all for crowd control, but there's nothing like getting it done with your bare hands… or claws in your case."

"Pardon the interruption, but if I may?" Mei interjected, knowing full well that if two personalities like the fox's and Zabuza's got started on the subject of killing there would be no progress anytime soon. She made a mental note to never let the man in the fox alone with one another for any amount of time. "Kyubi…sama. We would still like to know why exactly you are here in Moon Country, much less in the manner you came. Even you must admit that the situation is rather peculiar."

The fox stared at the pleasantly smiling woman for several seconds skeptically. **"… I'll answer, but you aren't fooling anyone with that face you know human. I can literally feel how irritated you are at me."**

"Kyubi-sama. Please?" Haku asked pleadingly, silently giving him gestures to stop while he was ahead.

Kurama grunted in irritation. **"Fine.** **The brat was planning on coming here on vacation to milk your gambling dens for all they were worth. Unfortunately, due to his stupidity and lack of direction, he got lost on the way AND forgot to eat again before making the trip, so he ended up passing out in the middle of the ocean. Once again, I had to save his ungrateful hairless ass to safety. It was a mere coincidence that I felt Isobu's chakra nearby and went straight to it since it was a good indicator of where land was."** The Fox blew out a bit of air from his nose. **"I was carrying that idiot through the water for at least three days before I made it here."**

"Through the water?" Zabuza blinked in confusion. "Don't you mean on the water?"

" **When you're normally an existence that dwarfs even mountains in size, you tend to not need to know things such as water walking."** The biju deadpanned. **"I only knew enough to stand on stable water. The ocean on the other hand shifts too much for me to stand on until I was near the coast. That being said, I actually just went in and came out of the brat again to get rid of all that salt in my fur. You humans have no idea how irritating being covered in that blasted stuff can be when you have a pelt."**

"Understandable." Zabuza nodded in agreement.

"Hold on." Haku frowned. "How was Naruto trying to get here by himself? Don't tell me he tried to water walk all the way here?"

" **Of course not."** Kurama rolled his eyes. **"He flew… though it didn't make much of a damn difference in the end."**

Mei's eyes widened in surprise. Shinobi capable of long distance flight were after all exceptionally rare. "He flew? On what?"

Zabuza on the other hand frowned. "Damn. So he finally got it down eh? Figures. He was already absurdly good with his wind element. Should have known he would have mastered it to that point when he got back."

"Mastered what?" Mei asked the swordsman with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Flying woman. Flying. You know. Like what birds do." The frozen jinchuriki deadpanned. "Only instead of using wings, he uses chakra control and wind manipulation. No mounts. No extra or warped body parts. Just going up and down whenever he wants. He was working on it before he left a few years back before he left, but then he had trouble just hovering."

"Why do I have a feeling that it's going to be more of a bad thing than a good thing?" Haku sighed, already picturing all the chaos her friend would be capable of now that he wasn't limited to the earth like all of the other "incompetent ground dependant peons".

"To master flight with just ninjutsu and not a mount of some sort, and over such long distances…" Mei frowned. "No one has managed to do something like that since the masters of the Dust Release. And to be the jinchuriki of the Kyubi as well…"

" **I'm right here human."** The Fox frowned, his tails twitching a small bit. **"Do remind yourself of who you are speaking about."**

"She meant no disrespect Kyubi-sama." Haku attempted to placate the fox while subtly giving Mei signs to be more careful. Between her, Zabuza and Mei the ice user was certain that they could at least give the fox a good run for his money in his current state, but not before causing tremendous and unwanted collateral in the process. "… Come to think of it though, didn't you arrive with Ghost? I don't see why Naruto would be out here alone. It doesn't sound like something Tsunade-sama would permit."

" **She didn't."** The Fox yawned and closed his eyes to apparently sleep. **"The brat ditched Oogakari as soon as we arrived and has been doing his own thing since. Conveniently enough, he has come across some very interesting things in the process."**

Zabuza groaned as he felt a headache coming. He had spent the past few years helping to ensure that virtually all the jinchuriki in the world were at least reasonably hidden or protected, and then the idiot goes on to just decide and go out on his own without any backup. He could already tell how badly this could end up.

"You both do realize that you have nine S ranked criminals after you and that your decision is not the most… intelligent given the situation." Mei frowned in concern.

" **Not my decision, not that I care."** Kurama opened an eye to looked at the woman directly. **"The brat is strong enough to hold his own. Besides, Akatsuki still don't know he's back yet, let alone know where he is. They're focusing on the others right now."**

" _ **Damn…"**_ Isobu grunted inside Zabuza's head.

"They have started already?" Haku frowned worriedly.

" **From what I've heard they got Saikon, the Rokubi, recently."** The Fox elaborated carelessly. **"Would have gotten that idiot Shukaku, the Ichibi, a week ago in Suna, but the brat lent a hand without getting seen."** There was a brief pause before he began to laugh. **"… And then a little while later Naruto blew up Shukaku's head."**

"… **Wh** at?" The other biju and humans blinked in confusion.

" **Best. Container. Ever."** No one missed the gleefully savage smirk on the fox's maw. **"Not that I'll ever admit it to him."**

"Kyubi-sama, can you please not do this?" Haku moaned with her face in her hands. She was really hoping that spending too much time with Ghost had not given the fox his sense of humor, otherwise they were all doomed regardless of became of Akatsuki and Madara. "We will have to deal with it enough once Naruto wakes up again."

" _ **Oi. Kurama. Wanna trade humans? This one's just as bloodthirsty as you are and he isn't that mentally unstable."**_ Isobu asked hopefully.

" **Hell** no." Both parties on the outside grunted at the same time.

"Excuse me." Mei spoke up. "As much as I'd hate to interrupt your socializing, but can we get back to more important topics? Such as who was it that attacked Suna?"

" **The puppet user and that not mindwalker blond that somehow loves explosions more than the one behind me. From what I could tell, both managed to survive but the puppet took more damage. The container of Shukaku's managed to impress a good deal of his people from how he drove them out in the end. I'm almost surprised you haven't heard of it yet."**

"Deidara and Sasori, the latter doesn't seem to be an immediate threat at the moment." Haku translated.

"So Kisame wasn't with them and Utakata is most likely dead by now…" The Mizukage frowned. "I will have to send word back to Kiri to prepare a larger guard around the trap now for preparation."

" **Have fun with that."**

"You're not helping?" Haku asked worriedly.

"He said the brat's on vacation, and who knows when the shark will take the bait." Zabuza pointed out. "Besides, having Naruto in Kiri for extended periods of time would be disastrous for both political and stability reasons. Do you REALLY want him doing whatever comes to mind there?"

"Come now Zabuza, he can't be that bad." Mei chided.

"On second thought, I wish you a grand experience on your time off." Haku smiled sweetly, causing the Mizukage's face to fall drastically.

"I stand corrected apparently."

" **You have no idea."**

"Tell us straight furball. Are we safer in mind and body with you being able to do whatever the hell you want here, or with him awake and doing his thing?" Zabuza asked seriously, nodding his head to the unconscious teen behind the fox.

"…"

"Did you really have to ask him that?" Haku asked her father figure, crying tears of despair.

"We all needed the closure Haku, no matter how much we may not like the answer."

"I didn't know you had a flair for the dramatics Kyubi-sama." Mei smiled politely, ignoring the other two human's reactions.

" **Can you three be silent? I'm still trying to figure out the answer to the question."**

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the city below the castle:

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!"

A lone former wandering shinobi now royal guard slash maid was running through the lively city that served as Moon Country's capital.

The twenty five year old Karenbana… though many still thought she was in her early teens, was not having a good week. See, after a couple of years of doing humiliating chores and serving as the current prince's bodyguard, she had been finally been appointed as one of the main members of the castle security, complete with higher security access and benefits. Both of which she had accessed liberally.

The kunoichi didn't actually mind her current employers, or their benefits at least. While they were a bit stupid and overly honest in her opinion, they did compensate her quite well considering she had been part of the group that almost killed them when they first met. Heck she was actually getting along quite well with the recently crowned king's family now that the new queen was kicking her husband's ass into shape. She was actually beginning to see why the woman actually fell for the lazy slob in the first place. He actually looked pretty good once he shed that extra hundred x pounds of fat.

However it did not do much to satisfy the shinobi inside of her. She wanted more. More money. More power. More freedom. More danger. More respect…

The plan had been relatively simple. Kiri's, Spring's, and Moon's governments were still recently stabilized within the past five to ten years. This of course meant that there was bound to be a least one or two sizeable resistance groups left somewhere in their respective countries just itching for a chance to get some revenge. So, being the resourceful individual with great access to Moon's cashes, she had managed to contact with said groups and let them know that she wouldn't be against leaking a bit of information and providing a place to stay in case they had something in mind… and that the other groups would be interested in perhaps taking advantage of the festivities.

Between the numbers of mercs in Moon, the armor in Spring, if a bit out dated from what she had heard, and the missing nin of Kiri, the groups would stand a solid chance against the mere few dozen shinobi that were here for images' sake. Even if the former great Demon of the Hidden Mist and the current Mizukage proved too much, which she was currently banking on, they would still have more than enough numbers to take over the castle and get a bunch of hostages who would no doubt fund their cause in exchange for their lives…

Of course, they wouldn't get the King's family. She would, unknown to the rebels, hide them away before anything else happened to improve her standing and then simply just wait as the Mizukage and her forces destroy the uprising.

Karenbana was ambitious, not stupid. Working as a royal guard was the best and most stable job she could hope for. Hell it was why her group had originally jumped onto Shabadaba's boat to take over the country in the first place. She wasn't going to get rid of that just for a quick extra small fortune if it meant having to live on the road and on the run again.

She had of course never used her name, and she had used a combination of modified castle guard armor and a specialized poison to elongate her vocal chords and make her voice deeper to hide her identity. She was after all the only shinobi in the King's employment. Any seasoned ninja could tell when a genjutsu was being used nearby if nothing was happening…

It was still annoying to have the king mock her for her deep voice while the poison wore off. She only had so many paid sick days to use per year damn it. 

But all her plans for the near future were shot when that blond brat showed up. Even though he had been snuck into the castle, she had been one of the few, being part of security, to see who he was.

Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze. The Feral Gale. S Ranked at the age of fucking _thirteen_ , a feat that has only been topped by the Sharingan wielding Genjutsu Monster known as Itachi Uchiha. Oh she knew who he was all right. She had remembered his face when his team had come to the island the first time and absolutely murdered her own teammates as it they were nothing.

Even if the blonde did little while she was around the first time, she was now quite aware of the rumors of being a jinchuriki and the fourth Hokage's son. Hell it was hard to find a shinobi in the elemental nations that DIDN'T know of it by now. Plus she'd swallow a dozen of her poison senbon before thinking that the fox that carried the brat in wasn't related to the Kyubi in some way.

She was willing to risk pissing off one hidden village with this scam of hers since said village would only assume that the enemy was just trying a last ditch effort to reclaim their home. They'd take the blame for everything since they obviously had the motivation. She was betting on that happening. The Mizukage probably wouldn't even ask any questions. Heck she had a feeling Zabuza would make an effort to avoid a situation where that could happen personally. He certainly seemed happy enough to do that even without provocation the last time she saw him.

But two? And giving a good reason for the latter to send only their strongest and most insanely powerful shinobi to investigate probably everything that happened here? No thank you.

As far as shinobi outside the main five villages were concerned, Konoha's greatest strength in terms of combat was their guerrilla tactics. Their ability to fight in the trees and bushes that pervaded nearly every country on the planet was unmatched and annoying as hell since they kept on escaping using that damn log of theirs. Why else was the village so damn hard to invade despite the fact that it was seemingly the least defended by the natural terrain compared to the other major hidden villages? It was also the main reason why any shinobi fighting them tried to draw them out in the open first before actually fighting. Konoha shinobi were far easier to take down in the open than they were in their element.

However one of the leaf's greatest assets was their information gathering and tracking capabilities. Hyuuga. Inuzuka. Yamanaka. Aburame. Uchiha. Even Nara. Most of their clans had the very annoying ability to see and pick up things that most others couldn't, which was one of the main reasons why most missing nin avoided the land of fire. You couldn't hide in the damn place without getting caught by the locals at some point.

Kiri's hunters were the most ruthless, but Konoha's hunters were always considered the hardest to hide and get away from, and from what she could remember the Uzumaki had at least a member of most of those clans in his group the last time he was here, meaning he had connections.

Karenbana did not want to risk Namikaze's head in her scheme. His bounty wasn't worth her exposure, and in the case he did wake up she had heard enough about his exploits from the Spring Country's Daimyo and her own boss to know that the brat would royally screw things up for her anyways by just breathing. He was as much of a jinx for his own side as he was for his enemies. Numbers and chakra armor were nothing to him. Heck she was somewhat surprised that she lived the first time he came around.

Stopping in front of the meeting area, a bar on the edge of town that was frequented by the slightly less orthodox but still not overly obvious population, the kunoichi in her armor regained her composure and walked inside.

She didn't have to bother to check if she was followed or not by the ANBU. She had left by a hidden entrance to the castle so no one knew who she was. In addition to that, the building itself was being watched by groups of the visiting missing-nin hiding or staying in the nearby buildings. In addition to that they had set up small seals to prevent conversations from being overheard in certain areas for private talks. She'd sneak away by a hidden door in this building later and change clothes before coming back to the castle.

To the back right were her contacts playing poker and bored out of their minds. Jumpy too if their darting eyes and reaction to her armor were anything to go by, but a shallow but telling nod from her put the ones that spotted her to slight ease. Obviously these were the local idiots that didn't have any significant training save for one or two of them, and they were too drunk to notice anything at the moment. She could probably take them all out without any chakra if she wanted to even though they looked to be three times her physical size.

"If it isn't our dear young friend from way high up." The first man grunted as he drew two cards, the small bit of sweat on his bald head giving it a near mirror sheen. "I thought you were going to let us know about the job closer to the date. You're early."

"The job's a bust." She stated darkly with her modified voice while pulling up a chair to look like she was about to play too. "There's a new factor that just showed up that makes it too dangerous."

That caused the players to pause. "The fuck?" Another man, this one tattooed over his entire upper torso. "What's got you so spooked? We were going to stall against the Mizukage and three seven swordsmen in the first place. What's making you pussy out now? Don't tell me you got caught."

"The Feral Gale." She replied without hesitation and got the reaction that she herself had when she had seen him enter the castle. All the faces around her paled considerably.

"You're shitting me." The eldest one there grunted. He looked to be in his mid fifties. "That little nut's back? Nobody's seen or heard from him in years and he just happens to show up here and now?"

"I saw him myself. Second time actually." Karenbana grunted back. "Trust me. It's him. The Demon of the Mist and the Snow Woman both confirmed it too. Quite vocally I might add."

"Why is he here at all?" A rather slutty woman drawled in a way that told everyone she didn't really get how warped the situation was now, complete with huge tits, dyed red hair and a cigarette in her mouth. The Kunoichi didn't like her already.

"From what I know, he was coming here on vacation but got lost at sea. He was carried here on top of a two tailed fox from the sea like a dead rat, passed out and everything. Still going to be unconscious for a while from what I can tell."

A snort was heard from the table. "What? You mean to tell me that you're scared of some half dead little shit?"

"That half dead kid managed to get an S rank classification at _thirteen_ you idiot. No matter how badly you want to make your name known, you don't get something like that without pulling some serious shit off and it being confirmed without a shadow of a doubt." She was getting annoyed. Considering the fact that many of the people in on the plan were just nameless grunts that at best would become B ranked bounties, she had hoped that they would easily get the scope of how bad of a decision it was to mess with an additional S ranked force next to the two they were already dealing with.

Apparently she was wrong.

"He's been gone for years and just mysteriously shows up again? Odds are likely he'd be able to tear us apart as easily as the Mizukage could the second he wakes up now. Plus that fox with him… I didn't like the feel of it when it was near me." She shivered as she recalled the very brief moment that she had made eye contact with the creature. In that instant she had felt as if she was being sized up as prey and nothing more. Even her instincts were telling her to accept her position as the creature's possible food as there was nothing she could do that would change this insurmountable fact. "That was no standard summon, I can tell you that much."

"What would you know about summons?" Snorted one of the men there that was clearly a bit drunk. "You're just some citv guard."

"Shut up. He's right." Another woman muttered as she contemplated the situation, this one a kunoichi if those suspicious marks on her arm were anything to go by. "I saw him once in action. Back when we botched up that assassination attempt at the movie premiere. The brat was no joke then and probably is less so now if he's actually here. Could tear through chakra armor like it wasn't even there, and he had a ton of crowd controlling jutsu under his belt. All things considered I'd hazard to guess that grabbing the royals and the daimyo wouldn't help our situation in the end."

"All the more reason to also take him when he's out cold." One of the drunk man snorted. "The longer we wait the more likely he's going to wake up and find us. It's not like we can run away now at once and not get noticed. We have a golden chance to get an S rank bounty on our hands in addition to a kingdom's worth of gold. Why the hell don't you just kill the brat and his fox? Make a pelt out of the thing."

"I tend to be wary of making enemies out of talking animals that can fit my head in their mouths and leak as much killing intent as most shinobi I've met when it's bored." The disguised Karenbana growled in annoyance. She was not going to play ignorant if these idiots kept on pushing their luck. Fortune favored the bold yes, but death welcomed the foolish just as easily.

"Surprised you even know what killing intent is. That's not something you hear most nameless guards talk about." The drunk kunoichi snorted as she poured herself more booze. "No matter. All we have to do now is double our efforts on separating the royal shmucks from everyone else when we get started and move up the time table a bit and it'll all be peachy." She glanced at the disguised woman. "Unless you're having second thoughts on the whole thing all together now."

She clicked her tongue in irritation. Things were going downhill fast and unless she wanted to confess her part in everything to the Mizukage in person at some point there was little she could do. At the moment the best she could do was damage control… speaking of which…

"If you're going to keep on with the plan, at least give me a fucking suit. Considering I'm practically going to be at ground zero when everything happens, I'd like to at least have a shot at actually living."

Several of the people at the table glanced at one another warily before the man with tattoos on his arms snorted. "Feh. Sure. Why not? You've earned that much at least. We don't have enough for everyone obviously and most of what we have are the older models, but you'd at least be in a good spot for us. Hell you're already more useful than more than half of the idiots we brought."

"Speak for yourself." The inebriated kunoichi smirked in a daze. "You know how long it took me to set up these privacy seals without the ANBU from Kiri noticing?"

The disguised woman silently planned out her next few moves carefully as she ignored everyone telling the woman to shut up about how hard she worked before being told when and where to pick up her suit. She'd have to give them her real measurements unfortunately, but she could at least wear a boy's suit to keep her cover somewhat legit. It was one of the few benefits to still being flat as a board…

That settles it. The first thing she was going to do with her bigger paycheck if she managed to live through this shit was get some work done on her body. If she was going to be a shrimp, she might as well be one that won't be mistaken for one half her age anymore.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"EEEEEEEE!"

"We are so lucky Scab isn't here to see you like this again."

"EEEEEEEEEE!"

"Seriously Midget. Remember the last time he was around when you were like this? It took you weeks to recall what each body part of yours felt like without your nerves on fire."

"EEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Your argument is invalid. You know Scab doesn't care about your love for these things unless he's making a profit off of it in some way."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"For the love of my ears will someone stop that racket!?" Tsume Inuzuka yelled as she stomped towards the source of her migraine followed by Kuromaru, Kiba and Akamaru to see Ghost and Shadow Oogakari walking around the corner… with Shadow's arms occupied with three adorable, rather still, and either docile or absolutely terrified red pandas. The squealing woman's eyes were warped into giant hearts and her mouth was in the largest mindless smile that Tsume had ever seen.

In Shadow's defense though, the creatures in her arms were pretty damn fucking cute.

"Yo Tsume. Kiba. Kuromaru. Akamaru. Long time no see." Ghost nodded while leaning on his crutches. His body was still half encased in casts and wrappings after being healed by Tsunade AGAIN after his family maimed the ever loving shit out of him… again. "Sorry about this. Sis likes cute fuzzy things."

"Fuuuuuzzzzziiiieeeeezzzzz!" The clearly deranged woman drooled as she nuzzled the adorable creatures in her clutches.

"I don't know whether to be relieved or insulted that she has never reacted that way to any of my kin." Kuromaru rasped with his animal like accent.

"Relieved." Kiba replied, knowing Shadow better than his mother and the wolf. "If you value our sanity in the slightest, you are relieved."

"They're so soooooooooft." Shadow crooned, still rubbing her face on the animals. How the woman was making hearts float above her head was anyone's guess, but no one would ever bother to ask her.

"You do realize that given who you are, I could ring you up for animal cruelty." Tsume said to the clearly not listening woman.

"Good luck with that." Ghost snorted.

"You could help you know." The mother of one of his girlfriends stated factually. Kiba and Akamaru shook their heads knowingly.

"Good luck with that." The immortal repeated himself. "I know better than to get in between this one and her obsessions. She maims me enough as it is."

"As opposed to what I would do to you?" The Inuzuka matriarch questioned skeptically.

"Have you paid attention at ALL to what we DO to one another?" The immortal looked at her as if she was an idiot.

"We try not to, and it has been a while since we witness you getting destroyed." Kiba shrugged. "It's become more like background noise at this point. Kinda like Gai-sensei's rants."

"I was under the impression that your magnificent ignorance to social and decency standards would bleed into that as well." Tsume ignored her son.

"You can't claim vengeance on things you are completely unaware of."

"Point made."

"EEEEEEEEEEE!"

"As fascinating as this conversation is, can you please make the woman stop now?" Kuromaru growled as he laid on the ground and put his paws on his ear and ear hole. Akamaru whined next to him and mimicking his position. "Nails on a chalkboard are nothing compared to this."

"Fine." Ghost sighed before shifting over to reach into one of his pockets and pulled out a handful of pink taffy-like substance and shoved it into his oblivious sister's mouth. Said sister then began to chew the substance eagerly and somewhat quietly, however she otherwise did not change in the slightest. "You happy?"

"Much." The wolf nodded as he stood back up again.

Tsume blinked as she realized that the man just gave his sibling candy to shut her up. "That's it?"

"Yep." Kiba nodded as this wasn't the first time he had seen Shadow being shut up this way. "She's just like the pups. Get her a treat and she completely forgets what she's doing. The trick is to get your hand near her mouth without her biting it."

"Tell me about it. She's as bad as Crypt sometimes. Besides I'm in no condition to give her an ass kicking if that was what you were expecting." Ghost shifted his crutches back to their normal positions.

"Not that exactly, but admittedly something along those lines yes." The woman glanced at the oblivious woman in front of him. Honestly Shadow Oogakari was still the one member of the family that absolutely no one in Konoha actually got…

… Well no one but Shikamaru Nara if rumors were true, but he supposedly was as tight lipped as the Oogakari themselves when it came to the woman.

"Glad to see that we can still be surprising." The immortal smirked briefly. "So you know when Hana and Anko are gonna be back? As you can see, I have a dire need for a pair of nurses. Preferably kinky and sexy ones."

"Oi. We're right here." Kiba frowned.

"They'd break you in half in your condition, though I doubt you'd care that much given who you are." The mother of one of the potential kinky sexy nurses frowned slightly.

She had long since had a conversation with her daughter about her relationship with Ghost, primarily regarding the fact that the man was indeed confirmed to be suicidal. She still didn't like it, no mother in her right mind would. Hell, she still didn't understand how such a relationship could even work between both parties, but at the moment she knew it was still a battle she knew she couldn't win without more information seeing as Ghost, Hana, and Anko truly seemed to be linked with one another. So for now she still regarded the man with some distaste but nothing more than that. Even she would admit that he could be trusted… to a degree. "But to answer your question, they should have been back a few days ago from their mission."

"Confirmed time table that is known by the public, but fairly long duration of leave. No need for constant updates to superiors. No sound of urgency…" Ghost was ticking off the facts out loud. "I'm guessing some sort of recon mission outside of the land of Fire. Either that or non vital escort mission."

"The former. Still it's unlike them. Hana and Anko are among our best field operatives these days. They also go out on medical and missing-nin hunting missions too." She left out the bit that it was mostly due to Ghost's aid that they were this strong. She preferred to not inflate the man's enormous ego whenever she could. "Problem is that they are late. They are normally back early from such basic jobs like this one."

"Eh." The Immortal shrugged. "They're big girls. They can take care of themselves." He paused before donning a lecherous grin. "… In more ways than one. Heheheh."

"Once again. Right here." Kiba spoke up even though he was being ignored.

"Makes me wonder why they even need you anymore." The mother evenly commented.

Ghost winced. "Ow. Couldn't you wait a few more days before unleashing that sharp tongue of yours? I'm still recovering here."

"Too bad. It comes with snagging my daughter and making that nurse comment in my presence."

"Fair enough."

"You're not worried at all about her are you?"

The immortal smirked. "I've helped her and Anko grow powerful myself Tsume. If they progressed if at the rate that I predicted, there should be exceptionally few forces on this planet that would be able to take them down, and the girls are more than capable of identifying such sources." He paused before looking at Kiba skeptically. "You… still need a few more years."

"Oh come on. You haven't even seen what I can do yet."

"And that just shows how many years you still need to improve if I can already make that statement." The man grinned…

An instant later Kiba's claw was out and holding down the bottom end of one of Ghost's crutches.

"You are really tempting me to consider harming a cripple you know." The teen grit his teeth without breaking eye contact with the man. Neither of them seemingly paid attention to the fact that both the crutch and Kiba's claws were glowing with wind and earth elemental chakra.

… Nor the fact that the wind chakra on the crutch was extended to just shy of Kiba's inner thigh. A killing blow.

"Really? We should find a shrink for you to sort that out." The immortal's demeanor didn't change as he lowered his crutch again and ignored both the tiny drop of blood fell from one of the teen's fingers and the silent but glaring Akamaru that was now standing right behind him with glowing red claws. The large white dog had not made a single sound since he moved from his position next to Kiba. "Like I said, you still need a few more years."

The seemingly unused crutch that Ghost was leaning on began to glow with wind chakra, making the scythe like blade extending from the back of it and ended in front of Akamaru finally visible. The dog may had been silent initially to get behind Ghost unnoticed, but it was clear why he had yet to move when he finally got into position.

"Both of you."

Kiba sighed in resignation as he pulled back his hand and flexed his fingers to get used to the light pain in them. Even after strengthening his claws with a modified elemental version of his family's transformation technique he was still cut by a half hearted attack from the man. Nothing vital was cut, but his fingers would be aching for the next few days. He very briefly glanced at his hand for a moment to see the number two etched on his palm, making his eyes widen in mild surprise before he laughed and pocketed his limb. "Damn. I had forgotten how scary you can be when you want to sensei."

"Really?" He tilted his head to the side innocently before turning to his sibling. "Have you been slacking off sis? I mean he's been spending so much time with you guys while I was gone, but I was still underestimated."

"Murhonoaoaaaaaah." Shadow drooled incomprehensively as she continued to coddle the animals in her arms, completely not caring. Clearly she was in Avalon if her facial expression and the small bit of drool from her mouth was anything to go by.

"Is it wrong for me to trust you even less when you talk and act like this?" The woman's eyes narrowed suspiciously as she watched the visible blades of chakra disappeared, scent and all. If she was honest, she had been caught completely off guard by the man's sudden attempted sneak attack, however her son apparently had been expecting it even if he wasn't as prepared as he might have assumed.

"Who knows?" Ghost's grin widened, indicated that the conversation was greatly amusing him. "It may not be a case or right or wrong, but simply a sign of wisdom."

"You're calling me old aren't you?"

"Now that's just your senility showing."

"I'm going to walk away from ground zero now." Kiba began to slowly back up from his mother and his sister's boyfriend. His mother had been getting a bit jumpy about age comments lately since she was approaching her fortieth birthday. Granted it was impressive since she was one of the most active maternal kunoichi in Konoha, but it didn't do much for her self esteem to see virtually every kunoichi she passed above the age of seventeen be more appealing to her every day. She knew she wasn't young per say… but she didn't want to be considered "old" just yet. Even if her daughter was already at the right age to consider getting married. "You know… because I value my health."

"You never learn do you?" The woman growled as her hands turned into claws. She knew that in a fight the man would utterly destroy her, but he was always helpless when he was receiving a well deserved maiming. She had deduced that it was his most likely suicidal tendencies acting up. Next to Crypt, Ghost was the Oogakari that was most often harmed and in the greatest amounts in their merry making...

… No. Crypt may be injured worse, but in hind sight Ghost was harmed far more frequently and by a greater number of people. It was just easier to ignore given how he simply brushes off the events. She knew she shouldn't support these tendencies as they were the very things she disliked about the man, but damn it if she didn't admit that putting down the smug bastard didn't give her a warm fuzzy feeling on the inside.

Ghost merely smiled pleasantly. "Oh I learn. I just weighed my options and determined that my actions were worth the consequences."

Tsume's fangs grew about half an inch and her face turned more primal. Warm fuzzy feelings indeed…

"… Yep. Still totally worth it."

Only to take in a deep breath and slowly calm down, relaxing her features in the process.

"… Still worth it, but now slightly confused." Ghost skeptically rose an eyebrow before yelping in surprise as the woman easily picked him up over her shoulders. "Hey! What the hell?!"

"Uh mom? I don't think Hana would appreciate this." Kiba skeptically pointed out from a safe distance.

"Get your head out of the gutter Kiba. I'm simply doing your teacher a favor." The woman smiled pleasantly. "I smell several of your students nearby and thought that it would be good for you all to catch up since they most likely haven't seen you in a while Ghost-san. In fact I do believe that young Hinata is among them."

It was well known among Hinata's inner circle that she was less than pleased about Ghost losing her boyfriend and the fact that she had been so far unable to get a solid conversation out of him. It was also well known these days that while the girl was far more pleasant to be with than most of her family, she was also noted to be among the most terrifying to anger.

Ghost's confident demeanor instantly shattered like glass and began to struggle in the woman's grip. "Changed my mind! Not worth it! Totally not worth it! I give up! I'm sorry! You're in the prime of your youth! In fact I do believe that Gai is secretly scheming to steal some away from you out of sheer spite! Did I mention that your ass looks wonderful from this angle and showing no signs of age at all? Unhand me woman!"

"Nonsense." The future mother in law chided. "I am merely aiding the injured boyfriend of my daughter to his students so that they can have a pleasant and civil conversation."

"Pleasant and civil my perfectly toned ass!" The immortal struggled, sloppily trying to trip his captor from behind with his crutches and failing miserably. "I just got out of the hospital! Do you know big my bill already is?!"

"That's never stopped you before." Kiba pointed out casually.

"Waltz went out on a job this week! I don't get discounts if he's not here!" The blind man countered while flailing wildly. Silently he cursed the fact that he was dating someone whose mother was physically stronger than him and knew how to use it. "That means the whole bill goes to Scab again! You know what he'll do to me if he finds out I racked that much debt again so soon?! Science! Science damn it! Now let me go!"

Shadow, forgotten by everyone, didn't react to her brother's plight in the slightest. She was far too occupied by more important matters. Primarily the fuzzies and the sweets.

o. o. o.

Somewhere around Iwa and Kusa:

Invisible to the naked eye and to most of nature, a small section of the air began to contort on itself. Colors and patterns that were not natural or comprehensible to the world around the small section of space, growing and folding onto itself in an undecipherable kaleidoscope of phenomena until it stretched several meters across…

At which point it seemingly meshed reality back to its original state without any issue, only there were five humans now.

"Lo and behold… trees." One of the men stated dryly as he looked around from behind his clean glasses and tidy hair. Dressed in a fairly dry black and white business suit and tie, the Caucasian looked more like he was ready for a company meeting than exploring.

"It's called a forest." Another male snorted. He appeared to be ready for a rave, dressed in loose torn jeans and an open dark blue vest with no shirt underneath it. With fairly long blonde greasy hair, he looked pretty much like a college dropout if it weren't for how physically cut he was or the massive blocky metal knuckles he had on each hand. "Ugh. What the fuck's that smell?"

"It's over there." An attractive Hispanic looking woman with long black hair and blue highlights dressed in a ratty cloak that hid her figure pointed out. Everyone turned to see the pile of rotting half eaten Chinese food, complete with vomit and excrement, no doubt from the local animals. "The savages here obviously have never heard of "leave no trace" before."

A snort of laughter from the other woman there caught everyone's attention as they walked away to somewhere that smelled more bearable. "Is something the matter?" The eldest man there asked. He was bald, poorly shaven, had closed eyes, clearly been shrinking for years and had some liverspots, but he was still in solid shape given from the firmness of his body structure and the pieces of light but worn armor he had on his arms and chest and the thick padded army pants around his legs.

The woman in question continued to laugh lightly with a hand to her mouth. She was beautiful in an elegant way, with long gray hair and a balanced figure that was barely visible behind the casual but modest clothes she wore: Dark blue pants, a white undershirt with a blue, black, red, and tan colored diamond patterned blouse.

"Hahaha. Oh. It's nothing. Don't mind me." She smiled genuinely. "It just reminds me of something that I find rather amusing."

Her violet eyes that occasionally changed colors did not miss the section of the pile that indicated that something had dragged itself from underneath it at some point.

"Whatever." The rave man snorted, clearly not too keen on her answer before turning to the businessman. "Oi. Etch. You find out what the deal with this place is yet? I mean it's not often that a universe gets completely shut off from outside access without a solid reason. Not like there are many things that would cause a God or one of the major players out there to go through with it. You'd think it would be easy to tell what they were trying to hide." He glanced at the laughing woman. "Unless chuckles over there knows and isn't telling for some reason. Damn God Class' are all twisted like that…"

"Now now. There's no need to be rude." The old man admonished in good humor. "We were the ones that asked her for help after all. We would never have been able to make it without her. Discovering blocked off worlds is hard enough as it is, accessing them without significant aid is nearly impossible." He turned to the woman. "Once again, you have my thanks, Sylvia of the Stained Glass."

The woman smiled pleasantly. "Oh don't thank me. I was planning on coming here sooner or later regardless. Your request merely sped things up." She shrugged. "Of course if this minor fold in the barrier was not present, I don't think that even I would have been able to get you through with such ease." Her eyes darted to the Chinese food again. "It seems as if the one who made it was too occupied to address it after he went through."

"A barrier that even you have trouble with?" The Hispanic woman rose an eyebrow and hesitantly licked her lips. "There must be something pretty damn valuable here if that's the case. Physical or informative."

"If there is I'm not seeing it." The businessman frowned as he looked around at things that no one else seemingly couldn't. "All things considered this world is rather low ranking on the threat scale. More spiritual than technological, though their progression on biological theory is quite far. The humans with powers are weaker… but unusually flexible. There're not many restrictions on what they can or can't do outside of power and knowledge requirements save for some genetic keys. As for threats, there are some abnormal creatures and a good number of Upper Class humans, but that's about it as a standard. From what I can see, there are only a handful existences here that could pose us any possible trouble. Mid level Holy Classes at the most, but that's it. All in all not impressive. I doubt that any of the hicks here have even heard or theorized of the multiverse."

"So long as they have plumbing and an easy way to make cash I don't care." The rave man shrugged.

"Oh trust me. Plumbing would be the least of your concerns if you ever decide to visit a primal fiendish realm." The old man chuckled. "Brings new meaning to the term "scared shitless" those places are."

"Yeah yeah. I know the story. An eternity of pain and suffering theoretically crammed into every nanosecond of existence." The other male waved a hand dismissively before looking around. "There's really jack here huh? Guess that means whoever traveled here doesn't want to attract attention to themselves."

"That's a first." Sylvia giggled to herself.

"You say something?" The other woman asked.

"Just talking to myself. Don't mind me."

"I'll try not to." The muscled man grunted, clearly not trusting her more than he had to. "Still that means we're going to have to do a little digging in order to find out where anything decent is hidden."

"Low level technology and predominantly Japanese culture with access to powers. Wonderful. The calling cards of a world run by prideful government officials that don't listen to anyone and the general population is xenophobic to a degree, enforced by their hired guns that tend to coral the populace to their wishes. To the bars and whore houses it is then." The elderly man sighed and shook his head in depression. From the way he spoke, he was more irritated with going to the bars and brothels than he was about the state of the local society.

"Heh. You may be strong old man but even you can't hold your own against a woman or beer at your age anymore." The Hispanic woman chuckled and patted her companion on the back with mock pity.

"Please. He couldn't hold his own against them a thousand years ago." The businessman snorted condescendingly before glancing in the direction of Ame. "Hmm. There's a city a few hundred kilos in that direction that possesses a large number of high level individuals… for this world at least. It may be a problem if we go there…"

"Best we avoid them for now. Don't want to lose the resources that being anonymous can gain." The elderly man nodded knowingly before turning to the supposed sensor of the group. "And I could have still drink your sorry ass under the table until eight hundred years ago thank you very much."

"Of course you could. I'm only a hundred and fifty seven." The sensor shrugged unconcerned, not at all paying attention to the fact that he at the oldest looked to be in his late twenties.

"Where's the nearest place that looks like we can get something?" The cloaked woman tilted her head. "I'm all for info gathering, but I'm also for sleeping in a bed."

"Hmm." The businessman mused as he looked around before settling on a direction which would be towards Iwa. "Most of the threats seem to live in specified cities. There's another one of those with some large sources that way, but with several minor towns along the way that seem to be well populated and supported in one way or another. We should go to those first."

"Sounds good enough." The raver shrugged. "Flying's a no go?"

"From what I can tell, it is an exceptionally rare ability among the populace. Not unheard of, but it would attract far more attention than we would prefer." The sensor sighed helplessly. "Accelerated movement on the other hand is all well and good so long as we're not seen."

"Hopefully I won't slow you children down." The elderly man chuckled in good humor before pausing to see that their ride was looking in another direction. "I assume that you are not coming with us? You're more than welcome to."

"Sure she is. While we're at it, we can have her gossip about the other God Classes, like Gurren Lagann, Kaleidoscope, The Silver Surfer, Superman, Shiki Ryougi, or even better, the Second Origin." The muscled man sarcastically rolled his eyes.

The God Class woman shook her head apologetically. "No. I believe I will venture out on my own for a bit. Besides it would do no good for me to do that. Most of them are out of your league even if you knew everything about them, and to be honest I don't need dear Shadow to have another reason to murder me in cold blood. She's unfortunately never that happy when she learns that I'm around. She's tried to kill me a few times to be honest." She looked around curiously. "I apologize for being rude, but I am going to explore for a bit. I'll be sure to meet up with you again to grant you passage out of here. Until then…"

The world folded and contorted around the pleasantly smiling woman as if she was moving through the liquid cloth called reality, and within moments she was no longer there.

The group stared silently at the place where the woman disappeared. "… One of THE True Gods is after her head?" The Hispanic woman asked out loud warily. "How the flying FUCK is she still existing?"

o. o. o.

Omake: What happens when Waltz and Scab get very high together:

Yoshi was minding his own business at the thrift shop in town. There weren't many in Konoha due to the fact that as a shinobi village, many of the things that might be donated or sold to him may be on the wrong side of illegal and may or may not cause his store to explode.

It wasn't unheard of for shinobi to sell or get rid of their old vests and clothes and forget about a hidden self made pouch or slit that held explosive tags.

It had been overall a good day. He had sold a few sets of used but still quite useable shinobi equipment, some pants, and a bunch of random civilian clothes, and it was a little after lunch when he heard it.

" _What what. What. What. What._

_What what. What. What. What."_

"Huh?" The man blinked in confusion as he heard seemingly light music come from outside and someone saying the same thing over again. "The hell is that?"

" _What what. What. What. What._

_What what. What. What. What."_

Just as he was about to walk outside, the music changed to what he remembered was a saxophone playing with some drums to a lively if not odd tune. Unfortunately the music was the last thing on his mind as he saw what was approaching his store.

Scabbard and Waltz Oogakari were strutting in his direction dressed in what he could only be described as the most fuzzy and flamboyantly colored clothing he had ever seen, and he was very well aware of what Naruto Uzumaki used to wear.

The fact that Waltz was almost literally twice the height of Scabbard only made the image even more bizarre.

Decked out in purple, yellow and red suits with wide hats, both men were walking with jeweled walking sticks in one hand and a roach of marijuana in the other.

And then Waltz began to sing.

" _ **I'm gonna pop some tags,**_

_**Only got twenty dollars in my pocket.** _

_**I-I-I'm huntin.** _

_**Looking for a dollar.** _

_**This. Is. Fucking. Awesome."** _

What followed next was the most bizarre, musical, and largest purchase from his store that Yoshi had ever experienced as Scabbard, who also sung in his own bizarre way most of the time, bought out virtually half his store while clearly stoned beyond all known reason.

The store owner did learn that day why the shinobi populace was so terrified of Waltz ever getting high though. He also had to temporarily close his shop so he could get more donations.

Now if he could only get that damn song out of his head and the smell of weed out of his store…

o. o. o.

A/N:

A very brief summary of how multiversal power ranking works:

Class and Rank: The four main classes in increasing power are Base, Upper, Holy, and God. Each class is divided into ranks, F to S rank. **"Power" can be a subjective term, as this system also addresses overall capability and ability to break or ignore the fundamental rules of reality. Because of this, it is not unheard of for higher classes or ranks to be fundamentally weaker than someone of a lower standing.**

Note: True Gods Classes are not a part of this system and are for the most part considered above the standard God Class S rank.

Note: Genuine gods are not addressed by this system. For all intents and purposes, a real god will always land somewhere in the mid rank god class area in terms of power at the very least.

For power scaling: Upper class = building destroyers. Upper Class = Town/City Destroyers. God Class: Reality warpers/ world destroyers and above.

For Reference (more or less):

Base Class E-D rank: Standard human.

Base Class B rank: Standard Mook with powers

Base Class A-S rank: Most fully evolved Pokemon (not counting insane ones like Garados and overly trained ones)

Upper Class E Rank: Standard Chunin. Standard Bleach Shinigami, every reasonably powered up mook.

Upper Class D Rank: State Alchemists, Most King level Storm Riders from Air Gear.

Upper Class C Rank: Standard Jonin

Upper Class A Rank: Most Standardized advanced Mobile Suits without outstanding equipment, Natsu from Fairy Tail at the end of the tournament arc, Ichigo Kurosaki (Bankai), Magneto, Teresa of the Faint Smile, Power of average properly summoned Servant from Nasuverse (Without specifically destructive NP's)

Holy Class F Rank: Standard S class Shinobi, Marakov from Fairy Tail,

Holy Class E Rank: TTRT Gaara, TTRT Naruto Uzumaki without Biju or Sage Mode, Standard for Members of the 7 Warlords of the Sea, Post timeskip Monkey D. Luffy, Gundam Wing 0, Standard captain Class Shinigami

Holy Class D-C Rank: All 9 Biju, the 3 Marine Admirals of Marineford, Standard level of most adventuring type Reality jumpers (give or take), Nagato.

Holy Class B Rank: Madara, Hashirama Senju, The 4 Pirate Emperors

Holy Class A Rank: Destructive potential of Gilgamesh (Ea partially powered), Aizen (final form), 1st Captain Yamamoto (bankai),

Holy Class S Rank: Most TYPES, Beatrice.

God Class F Rank: SS3 Goku, Gilgamesh (Ea fully powered), Sage of 6 paths With Juubi, Zelretch (in his prime)

God Class E Rank: Superman, SS4 Vegetto (Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, Superman would still win this fight), Burnkestel, Lambdadelta.

(Note, at the following ranks and onward, it is possible for the users to significantly affect the universe or even the multiverse itself if they apply their powers properly.)

God Class C Rank: Silvia of the Stained Glass, Shiki Ryougi's 3rd Personality, Every god damn Fairy from the Fairly Oddparents.

God Class B Rank: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. Crypt Oogakari, Madoka's wish potential at the end of Puella Madoka Magica.

God Class A Rank: Scabbard Oogakari, Demonbane, Zetta's wish granting potential in Makai Kingdom as a book.

God Class S rank: Waltz Oogakari.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Yes. **I know**. I added more OC's and put in my ranking system. Please bear with me on this. I have my reasons. Almost all of the OC's introduced are not going to last here. They are just for a reference on just how powerful the standard fighter _**outside**_ the naruto-verse is, since I personally believe that just throwing in characters from different worlds together and just say "welp. They're together and there's no way that anyone else is going to jump in for no reason whatsoever" or "welp, the biggest good guys in existence are here so might as well dredge up their long lost enemies there to keep things epic hur durr" is stupid and overdone.

These guys are standard Reality jumpers. The everyday adventurers and treasure hunters that just so happen to come from the same society/background as the Oogakari.

Please remember that in most anime that has powered up fighting these days, the standard characters can completely trounce most Naruto characters.

Please rest assured, I'm **not** going to spend much time on them. They are more like a plot device than anything to add more chaos to the world that the locals cannot provide, and personally I believe my use for them will be better than most of the stories here that use filler episode material in their stories for NO DAMN REASON AT ALL.

That being said, Sylvia is an OC I have worked some time into developing and as you can guess has a very colorful history with the Oogakari... in more ways than one. She's not really an enemy of theirs, but she kinda is.

… You'll see.

Sort of like catwoman to batman, only batman is more of an asshole in this case. She's also going to be used to balance things out plot wise since… well… yeah even I admit I may have juiced up the good guys a bit too much.

… Just a bit.

But you know what? That also means I'm gonna tweak out Akatsuki in the near future too. Now doesn't that sound interesting?

And if you haven't noticed yet, I am making this FAR more darker than YAWALEH. Still chock full of chaotic comedy yes but I've always intended to make this story somewhat deconstruct the whole "godly stranger helping out a world in trouble" shtick. Not completely, but enough to make it blatant that everything isn't all puppies and sunshine.

I'm not going down the grimdark path. Well, not more than a few steps every here and there, but there will be extremely depressing moments that are deeper than the "oh someone I'm close to died and now I'm sad and feel guilty" or "oh now I see that world peace isn't truly possible and now I have no meaning in life" bull that pervades most shonen stories.

Fuck. That. Shit.

I'm talking Gen Uroboshi level mind fucking soul crushing moments, because it's THOSE moments that make characters really stand out in their decisions because no answer in those situations will lead to a perfect or even decent ending at times and prove that they are in the end human on a fundamental level.

And there ARE characters in this story who have gone very far down this path.

As for Ghost finding out about Hana and Anko… just wait. I almost did it here, but I realized that it was too soon in the timeline to pull it off. I have plans you see. Big plans. With destruction. And explosions. And free for alls. And people not knowing what the hell is going on.

Yeah…

On other news. WOOT! RWBY! RWBY! RWBY! RWBY! RWBY!

Ehem. And on OTHER other news:

My Project Management training's been interesting lately, and by interesting, I mean we switched to a new teacher who does nothing but half assed info dumps. Wonderful. It's especially helpful when he's the one that's preparing us for two extremely important certification exams.

Each exam was with different material. Each exam was a week apart. Each subject was studied in a week. The latter test we needed to cram 5 books of random info into our heads.

And my grad school midterms were taking place during this time… and a massive paper was due then too.

I would have had this chapter out weeks ago if it weren't for that cluster fuck.

Thankfully the first test we passed (I got a perfect score… somehow) since everyone got a list of all the possible questions and answers and we just studied the hell out of them for three days straight since there were 160 possible questions we would come across. The second one…

Only half of us passed, and was not for a lack of trying. Thankfully I was one of the ones that made it.

So I now have a ITIL and a Business Analyst Certification in addition to my Electrical Computer Engineering BA, an oncoming Certification in Power engineering when my current class is passed, and maybe a masters in power engineering in a couple of more years if things go well. Yay diversification.

Lessee… Oh! Forgot. TV tropes. I know I harp on this occasionally, but this one's been bugging me for a while. Can someone set up a character's page for YAWALEH/TTRT? I think it would really help clean things up in general as well as put more focus on everyone else in the story, and I've seen too many tropes focused on my OC's with respect to everyone else despite the effort I took into developing them as well. That way I think we can cut out a lot of the main page and not make it so damn massive when you open stuff up.

On other news, they've decided to make an anime based on the Heaven's Feel route of FSN, which is AWESOME, RWBY comes out every Thursday, I paid my friend to make me a new comp which is far superior to my old store bought one (SSD AND Harddrive bitches! Hahahaha!), and… well I'm just really damn tired lately.

And now to do homework. (slams head on the desk and instantly begins to sleep.)

So REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! BE CAREFUL OF PUTTING SWEETS NEAR SHADOW'S MOUTH! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Five: Imagine a professional basketball player forced to use a child height urinal in the public bathroom. …That is all

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

The door opened slowly and silently, the person behind the action intentionally trying to make as little fanfare as possible as she gained access to the room.

Inside she saw her target sleeping peacefully. His presence had been made known to her almost as soon as he had arrived, but it had taken some time for her to find the time to actually come up with a way to get to him in private. The guards in front of the door had taken some time to get rid of, but a few sweet words and personal written pieces of paper had dealt with them quickly.

She slowly walked towards the blonde boy, not exactly sure of what she was going to do when she reached this point herself, but none the less kept on moving forward. Deciding that it wouldn't hurt to take a more direct approach, she reached out towards his peaceful looking face…

" **If you value your life, I would advise against moving any closer."**

She froze as the deep and impartial voice came from her side. She had heard that the boy had come with an odd and dangerous looking creature, but she had assumed that it was gone now, and she certainly didn't think that it would speak with such a terrifyingly violent tone.

Looking to her side, she saw the rather large multi-tailed fox curled up on a small but comfortable rug and looking at her with a mild albeit sadistic interest. **"Then again if you don't, please go ahead. I've been rather bored lately. Taunting my brother's container can only provide so much entertainment."**

Regaining her self control at a speed that only a practiced shinobi or an actress could do, the Daimyo of Spring Country looked down at the rust red fox with dry amusement. It said something about her skills considering how unnerving the creature's glowing red eyes were. "I hope you know that threatening a Daimyo would be enough to order your execution, regardless of what your task was."

The fox's demeanor didn't change as it snorted as if hearing a bad joke. **"Threaten? You overestimate yourself human. I have no intention of moving from this spot regardless of what you decide to do. It is you who is beneath my position."**

"Coming from the pet of someone whose sanity has been questioned by virtually everyone he knows, that's not saying much." The woman snorted without hesitation. All things considered, she had a valid point, and anyone who has met Naruto would have questioned the organ his head at some point or another.

The fox's eye narrowed. **"You should know the boy better by now human. The odds of me being a mere pet of the idiot are just as likely as the Toad Sage forsaking his attraction towards the other sex."**

Koyuki paused for a moment as she contemplated the fox's statement. She was well aware of Jiraiya's habits, however she did not expect the beast to actually bring it up as a reference. "Point made. However that then begs the question of what you are."

" **You are in a position of power, have a moderate interest in the boy, it's been years since information has been released to the public, and I'm a talking fox with multiple tails."** The biju didn't hide the irritation in his deep voice however his demeanor remained for the most part impassive. **"An actress you are, but a fool I am not."**

The woman's twitching lips gave away her real thoughts. "Violent you are, but amused I still am."

" **Feh. Humans. Stay out of the limelight for a decade and they completely forget where they stand compared to a being a hundred thousand times their size. And your kind wonders why I have no remorse when I hear of you killing yourselves off for foolish reasons."**

"Don't be like that." Koyuki bowed politely but dropping some of her smug attitude. "It is an honor to meet your acquaintance Kyubi-dono. Reputation aside, it should always be a notable event to converse with something that is old enough to be from the time of legends."

Kurama glared at the human in front of him before snorting and yawning. **"You would think that more of your fleeting kind would have the sense to realize such a simple yet significant fact."**

"You're talking to a woman who deals with crowds of mindless admirers and fans that have actually killed one another for a rumored set of my used underwear on the black market." The woman grimaced. "I am more than aware that the masses of my kind are frequently short a few brain cells."

"…"

"…"

"… **Kurama."**

"Koyuki."

" **Well met."**

"And you."

" **You are aware that the odds of things remaining peaceful in the near future are sickeningly low now that the both of you are within spitting distance of one another, correct?"**

"I try not to worry about it."

" **I thought you were smarter than the normal human, not that that is something to be particularly proud of."**

"I've also been trying to stay with the Mizukage as much as possible in recent days."

" **Fair enough."**

The two looked at one another perfectly aware that what they were talking about would unsettle anyone else. Unfortunately they were both far too accustomed to Naruto's antics to let it get the better of them by this point.

"Forgive me for being inquisitive, but how much exactly have you seen from inside of our mutually favorite crazy? From what I have heard, you have been inside of him since his birth."

" **Enough to know how exactly he pulled the stunts with your undergarments on the boat, after he blew up the castle, and after he left after the movie premiere. Actually I didn't have much choice but to watch at that point."**

"Wait I thought that his teacher, Ghost I believe, did the one after the movie." She asked skeptically. It wouldn't have been hard to come to that conclusion. The man was worse than his supposed student.

" **It was a joint effort."**

"Should have known he had help when my bras started to fly around the mansion…" She muttered under her breath.

" **Fair warning, he doesn't need the help to pull that off now."**

"Thanks."

" **Someone has to curb the damage. It gets annoying when he's feared more than me."**

"Don't like the competition?"

" **Giant fox. Small human. Thousands of years old. Still going through puberty. Crushes mountains with a single tail swipe. Causes headaches whenever he opens his mouth."** Kurama looked at her with dead eyes as one of his tails pointed back and forth between him and his container. **"I doubt it is difficult to see why it is irritating to be seen as the equal or beneath such an individual at times."**

Koyuki looked at the sleeping blonde next to her skeptically. The Nine Tailed Fox was a creature that was world renowned for its destructive capabilities. Even if it hasn't been seen in the wild for nearly a hundred years save for its rampage in Konoha, it had been widely accepted to be the strongest thing that walked the earth and only comparable to the might of Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju. Its wrath was known to reshape the landscape and the few shinobi that knew about the biju in depth would agree with such things without hesitation.

This same creature, who apparently was sealed in the boy that saved her life and home twice, was sulking about said boy's reputation. At face value she would have assumed that would be it, but as a professional actress and the ruler of a small but growing country she could tell there was something underlying the beast's ire.

"… He's strong isn't he?" She asked bluntly, her eyes never leaving the boy. Even asleep and in the dark, she could make out the dark marks under his eyes that indicated prolonged periods of exhaustion and stress. She had them herself, but her makeup hid them from the public eye.

" **Sickeningly so."** Kurama's responded without any hesitation, though his ire was still clearly there.

"Why?" Had she noticed the fox looking at her, she would have noticed that his eyes twitched at the question, as if he didn't want to admit to it himself.

" **Because he has to be."**

Her eyes softened, taking in the fox's words. "Is there any way I can help?"

" **Stay out of the blast radius."**

"I thought we were being serious."

" **I am."** The fox growled darkly. **"The fewer distractions when the time comes, the better."**

"He has you on his side and the entirety of Konoha." She questioned logically. "What could he be afraid of, let alone stand up against him?"

" **Naruto is a mockery of all things rational, but he is never stupid. There are many things that he is terrified of human."** Kurama ominously stated as his eyes slowly closed but never turned away from his container's body.

The memories of their recent travels echoed through his mind. Gods, Demons, Aliens, creatures, rules, and phenomena that have no true definition flashed across his thoughts like unwanted nightmares and dreams. The Fox's pride had taken a massive blow during their years of travelling, one that would take centuries to recover from.

He had been forced to admit now that he was merely one of the largest fish in a very, VERY small pond, and he had been forced to attend parties consisting of Godzilla, the Loch Ness Monster, Poseidon, and their extended families.

" **Pray that you never encounter any of them. I doubt your mind would remain as intact as his did, and I use the term intact very loosely."**

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"So then." Tenten mused as team eight and Gai plus Kin sat around the Korean barbecue waiting for their food to get ready. "Is there any particular reason why we are all feeling impending death from Hinata right now?"

It should also be noted that said Hyuga heiress was sitting at the head of the table with a calm and serene smile on her face. Likewise everyone else was giving her as much room as possible.

It didn't help that the people in the nearby stalls were rushing to finish their meals as soon as she sat down either.

"Please don't make jokes like that Tenten. It is impolite to make accusations of such a nature." The Princess shook her head, denying the obvious fact. "I have no intention to harm anyone."

Hint number two: Hinata Hyuuga's vocabulary became much more proper and controlled when angered.

Also, she clearly did not consider the soon to be departed to be actual people.

"She's pissed because Ghost-sensei's back and Naruto isn't. Far be it for those nuts to make things easy for us." Kiba sighed. "Hinata's been trying to get her hands on Ghost for the past week, but he's been avoiding her like the plague. He's actually putting an effort into it too."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in Konoha by the river:

"… I'M HIDING IN A TREE AGAIN!"

…

"… WHY THE HELL DOES THIS SHIT STILL WORK?!"

o. o. o.

Back with the teens:

"The bastard could be anywhere right now." The Inuzuka shrugged helplessly. _Not that I blame him._ He mentally added.

"Didn't your mother attempt to deliver Sensei to Hinata a few days ago?" Shino questioned skeptically.

Kiba shivered. Ghost had managed to escape his mother's capture by pantsing the woman as they were fortunately going through an empty alleyway.

It was also unfortunately a time when Kiba was reminded that Inuzuka women that were in the shinobi system went commando due to the fact that they needed as little as possible in the way when they were spinning around like drills and twisting their bodies. The less resistance and fabric in that area, the less rub burn they got.

Inuzuka men on the other hand wore specially designed underwear so that they didn't twist their privates off for the same reasons.

There was much screaming done in that alleyway.

"Sensei did something best not spoken of again?" Kin sighed, knowing that Kiba's hesitation was probably well founded.

"Mmmm!" The unfortunate and haunted teen whimpered while nodding his head frantically and purging the image of his mother's naked half from his mind futilely.

"It seems that Sensei has not changed in the slightest!" Lee stated as energetically as usual. "I cannot wait to see him and test my skills!"

"I believe that finding him alone would test them." Neji grunted. Even after the two year absence, the Hyuga had a sore spot when it came to Ghost and Shadow since they just stood by while he lost his eye and nearly got killed. It was less so with the sister Oogakari since he was still in contact with her over the three years, but Ghost on the other hand… "He's a fool, but if he doesn't want to be found he won't."

"All in favor of being cheap and bribing Shadow with sweets and small fuzzy things to get him?" Tenten declared with all the authority she could muster. It was a well known fact around town that in order to grab a hold of an Oogakari, you needed another Oogakari, and while Shadow was a bit off at times she was also the easiest (and cheapest) to bribe.

"No no." Hinata smiled peacefully. "There's no need for that Tenten. While it would be efficient and faster, it would yield more… satisfying results if we found him ourselves. You could even say that the activity would prove to be an interesting and satisfying… hunt."

The eight other teens and dog at the table shivered in fear at Hinata's statement.

The multiple high pitched girl screams heard from across town didn't help either.

Yeah, the girl was definitely pissed off.

"Before we are further unsettled to the point of losing our appetites, might I suggest changing the subject of conversation?" Shino spoke up in an attempt to save their collective bladder control.

"Like what?" Kiba asked in equal amounts of curiosity and hope.

"Didn't some of you say that you were thinking of taking on teams of your own?" Kin asked skeptically. "I mean we're all at least special jonin. We have the clearance to do so, an all we have to do is take a few classes and pass a few approval tests to get the ok."

"Maybe later." Tenten shrugged. "I want to further my career before I get tied down by kids of any kind. Besides I haven't finished mastering my own techniques yet. What about you Neji?"

"I have been contemplating the notion." The Hyuga nodded. "However I too wish to further my skills and abilities before undertaking such a task."

Lee made a fist. "I on the other hand believe that I would make a most youthful…"

"NO!" Everyone else at the table shouted at him at once. It was bad enough that Gai was a teacher. They didn't need Lee to start corrupting unfortunate youths as well, regardless of the fact that both men were taijutsu freaks of nature. They had enough crazies in the village as it was.

"Well I thought it was a youthful idea…" The outnumbered young man grumbled sullenly.

"Lee. I love you, but youthful does not mean smart or healthy for everyone's future ability to remain sane. We have trouble enough with who we normally keep around." Kin sighed as she pulled her boyfriend into a light hug to make him feel better. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not taking any students either. I personally don't have the patience to deal with kids. I'm a bit like Ino that way."

"In the short tempered slash happy Anko way or in the forgetting to use more non lethal method way?" Neji asked skeptically.

"Yes."

"I too have considered becoming a sensei." Shino spoke up. He was a special jonin, however his skills were not to be underestimated by anyone. "However I have misgivings about it. I am unable to contribute much in terms of education to the common graduating genin outside of basic training, tactics, and taijutsu. My clan jutsu prevent me from learning techniques suitable for others. I feel I am unsuitable for the position."

"Hey don't be like that Shino." Kiba patted his friend on the back. "Kurenai-sensei was a genjutsu specialist while we weren't but she still did well with us. Besides you're one of the most protective and logical guys I know. It would take an army for one of your students to die while under your watch. If I had a kid I'd kill for you to teach his team."

"Same here." Kin added with a grin. "Among all the nuts we hang out with Shino, you're one of the few with their head on straight. Don't sell yourself short."

The subsequent nods of everyone else at the table gave the Aburame a warm feeling. "Everyone…"

"Does anyone know where Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, Ino, and Sasuke have gone?" Lee asked curiously once the feelings gushing over the table had finally faded.

"Probably a mission." Tenten yawned. "Never seen that particular setup before, but then again that's nothing special. With Shikamaru still out in Suna team ten's other members have been shifting around a lot."

"Last I heard Chouji's still out doing some solo C ranks." Kiba shrugged. "Mostly that manual labor stuff that his clan gets hired for from time to time."

It was a well known fact that the Akamichi were frequently called for heavy labor based maintenance jobs in the civilian cities around the country. Their body size enhancing jutsu helped save a lot in terms of time and setting up large equipment if applied correctly. Plus it occasionally brought tourists who were unused to shinobi in general to Konoha. Who needed a billboard when you had a family that could make themselves fifty times the size of one walking all over the place?

"He's going to be disappointed when he gets back." Tenten sighed. "He always likes to spend time with Ino after a mission away from her."

"The poor poor fool." Kin shook her head in mock pity.

"Don't be like that. Those two make a good couple." Kiba grinned. "Like a sadist and her follower. A queen and her loyal lackey. A sociopath and her meat shield… where's our food again?"

"Shouldn't be long now." Neji shrugged, not at all arguing against Kiba's comparisons.

"Speaking of late arrivals, are Hana-sensei and Anko-sensei back yet?" Hinata asked curiously. "I've been meaning to talk to them about some medical projects I've been working on."

"Not yet." Kiba shrugged. "They're a bit late actually, but I'm not worried about them."

"Medical projects? Why don't you ask Tsunade-sama, Shizune-san, or Waltz-sama about them?" Shino questioned with suspicion. "They should be more than qualified to help you out."

It was only due to knowing the girl very well that they caught the very slight shifting of posture indicating that she obviously didn't want to tell the truth. "Don't be silly Shino. Those three are always busy taking care of everyone and Konoha. My projects aren't significant enough to take them away from their important tasks."

Technically Hinata had a point. Even after learning to use Shadow Clones to do her work (she managed to weasel it out of Sarutobi after getting the poor old man plastered and on a few select and untraceable drugs one night), Tsunade was constantly busy managing the village with Shizune in tow. Waltz on the other hand was more often than not the top emergency room doctor and surgeon at the local hospital in addition to the guy everyone called on to keep his family in check since Scabbard was frequently out of town.

However no one at the table believed that that was the real reason why she refused to go to those three.

Then again, Hinata was still clearly in a poor enough mood that no one wanted to call her out on it.

"Whatever. Far be it for us lowly peons to…" Kin began to make a jab at the girl before some fanfare outside reached her ears. Given how it was only lunch time the sound of a large commotion and music seemed a bit out of place. "What the… oh for the love of my brain cells not again. Another one?"

The other teens there groaned as they heard the familiar sounds of yet another noble making his or her "grand" entrance into the village known to everyone, complete with entourage, small band, and a small army of soldiers that probably would all get slaughtered in a second if the locals actually decided to off them.

Because many of the clan heirs in Konoha had been coming of age around the same time and because they were for the most part technically and legally unspoken for, many nobles and royalty from all over the elemental nations had been attempting to set up arranged marriages with them in order to establish stronger ties to the prosperous land of fire.

Because shinobi clans tended to focus more on the military instead of politics, they were often seen by many of the standard nobles outside of the village as people in between the commoners and the worthy elites. Not quite at their standards, but certainly above the riffraff that made up the bulk of the world's population.

As a result, they were often treated with… less care by most nobles. This could often be seen whenever the arriving nobles attempted to set up a marriage contract with the previously mentioned clan heirs.

If one potential setup didn't end well, then they'd just move onto the next clan compound down the road and see if they were desperate enough to marry the clan's heir to their third daughter or fourth son who had a severe mental disorder and a habit of killing servants in fits of rage. They were marrying shinobi after all. They could clearly handle themselves and take care of things for them. It was all for the noble cause of tying their family to that of a clearly more noble and significant family.

OBVIOUSLY there was nothing wrong with their logic.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata were the big prizes as far as most people were concerned due to their status, wealth and family histories, however that didn't mean that the other clan heirs were safe from the phenomina.

Kiba, Shino, Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji all had their fair share of surprise suitors in recent months, and even Tenten had gotten some hopefuls from some Samurai. Apparently she had earned one hell of a name for herself there during her appearance at the swordmaster tournament and was talked of with as much respect and curiosity as Scabbard was.

All things considered it wasn't an unexpected thing for the teens. They knew that due to their social status that this was likely to happen whether they wanted it or not, and arranged marriages between high profile families were not uncommon. In fact if Konoha wasn't so lenient with their shinobi's individual freedoms, many of the teens would have been slapped with engagements for political reasons way back when they were in the academy already.

However as mentioned before, Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata were the high profile targets for most of the visitors and thus what became of them were under high scrutiny by the international community. It wasn't common knowledge that Hinata and Naruto were an item, and even if it was known both Naruto and Sasuke were still eligible to have multiple wives due to their current family and social conditions, ie, they were orphans and were borderline royalty. Granted not many people actually followed this rule in Konoha, but again things like this were far more frequent on the outside of the military village.

Thankfully though, no potential suitors or deals had been attempted that would cause anyone to turn their heads at.

Also thankfully for Hinata, Hiashi was probably one of the hardest people to argue against when he declined an offer. It was one of the few times that the girl was rather glad of her family's notorious habits of displaying unnatural levels of stoicism and lack of sympathy.

She had seen the man send no less than half a dozen potential suitors away crying just by staring at them with boredom. Even the Oogakari had to admit that that took some serious skill to pull off.

… Well skill, or it was evidence that the man really needed to get a hobby. One or the other.

"What unfortunate individual is it this time?" Lee sighed with exasperation, a most unyouthful action by his standards, but all the more indication that even he was tired of the constant distractions.

"It's a woman." Neji supplied with his single byakugan activated underneath his headband, so all of the veins around his eye were all but hidden as well. "Mid twenties. Looks to be from our neck of the woods, and all prettied up with enough makeup to make a genuine mask."

Kiba's nose twitched with irritation. "Ugh. Better double the amount of perfume you'd normally guess on her. I can smell it from here. It's pretty expensive stuff, but way too strong."

"All right girls and boys." Kin took out her wallet. "You know the game. Who is the latest one here for this time? Naruto and Sasuke are low risk while the rest of you poor scrubs with Y chromosomes are high risk. No multiple bets allowed and only one person gets the non marriage hold. If no one wins the cash goes to the pool for future bets."

"Heavy makeup and perfume? Mid twenties? She's desperate for a husband." Tenten grinned as she took out five hundred ryo. "My money's on Sasuke."

"Hey Neji, she hot?" Kiba asked curiously.

"Kiba!" Hinata chided.

"She's appeasable." The other Hyuga shrugged as he took out his own five hundred. "It's wasted money, but I'll put it on Kiba this time."

"Low blow asshole." The Inuzuka snorted. "Stick up her ass or does she look like she actually has a personality?"

"Shrew." Neji smirked.

"If you're right I will kill you and then myself in that order." The younger male grunted as he took out his cash. "Naruto. Woman sounds like another gold digger."

"Naruto." Shino made his contribution.

"It is most unyoutful to make bets on such a thing." Lee frowned.

"Sasuke." Kin made a deposit before turning to her boyfriend. "… And your point is? You cut off people's heads for a living."

"… Point made however I wish you would not bring that up in public." Lee shrugged before throwing his money into the lot. "I shall go out on a limb and make a wager on Shino."

"Hah!" Kiba lightly elbowed his best human friend.

"You will not be happy if you win Lee. Why? Because after I deal with her, you would be the next subject of my ire." The Aburame glared at Kiba.

"Don't be like that Shino-kun." Hinata pouted while discretely taking out her own five hundred and momentarily activating her eyes. "We've all had to deal with unsavory potential suitors recently. And I will go for Sasuke."

"Right." Kin nodded as she took all the money and marked down the bets. She was the group's designated bet taker and keeper since she frequently switched between teams and so everyone could get to her easier than with other teams. "Bets are placed and results will be posted within the week. I'll let you know if the sensei get in on it this time."

"I can't believe Kurenai-sensei won that round with Shikamaru." Kiba shook his head in despair. "She made off like a bandit… or Naruto."

"She bought a rather expensive bottle of vodka from the land of Iron with the winnings." Hinata added with a smile. "She was quite pleased with it from what I heard."

"If you're talking about the event I think you are, then I definitely want whatever the hell she got." Kin snickered.

"Event?" Tenten frowned in confusion. "Are you talking about that rumor that she and Asuma went into the caves behind the monument, particularly the Third's head, and…"

She was cut off by Shino covering her mouth with one of her hands. "Regardless of what Hinata is talking about, what you are referring to is a rumor and nothing more."

An instant later he had to withdraw his hand as a small but very sharp blade slashed through where his arm was. "Don't ever do that again Shino. Thanks." The weapon mistress smiled kindly as the tool faded out of existence in her hand.

Everyone else at the table looked at the pair with only mild interest.

The Aburame didn't seem to be phased in the slightest by the sudden display of violence. "I was merely taking precautionary measures. I apologize if you were offended Tenten."

"So long as you understand."

It didn't show much, but everyone had been growing progressively jumpy ever since they felt Naruto's return. While they were eager to see their friend, they also knew that it meant that something big was going to happen soon.

"Finally." Kiba sighed as their meals were delivered. "Food."

For now though, they would enjoy what peace they could get…

Boom!

"The floor has hidden my flamingo taxes! The reckoning has come! And it wants its feet washed! Someone get the koalas for they know the secret of root division which is imperative to the back-left table leg clause!"

"Oh dear log Crypt Oogakari is out by himself again!"

Whatever peace they could get…

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

Kurama's eyes opened as he heard the explosions outside. He wasn't worried as he was annoyed. The weak bombs (by his standard) had waked him up from his nap.

Expanding his senses, he felt a fair number of humans swarming in and out of the castle with malicious intent. Weak intent belonging to misguided and soon to be dead weak humans, yes, but in good number regardless.

Speak of the devil, there went Zabuza and his pack tearing apart the idiots in his range with childish ease… although he was running off in the other direction for some odd reason. Ah, he was going after the interesting leading human from earlier. It seems as if she got captured already.

Come to think of it, what was it with "royal" humans being captured so frequently? If they were such a pain to keep safe, why have them at all in the first place? Bah, it was probably another one of those hypocritical things that humans did by habit and didn't want to admit was foolish.

Already he could feel the lives of humans from both the defending and offending parties snuffing one another out all around him. Some places had one side winning, others the opposite. The metallic scent of blood had yet to reach his powerful nose, but it wouldn't take long to reach him by this rate.

Speaking of which…

The door to the room exploded inwards to reveal three humans in somewhat familiar armor on the other side and ready to fight.

" **I was wondering when my next meal was going to be delivered."** The fox yawned and slowly stood up, lazily batting away the kunai thrown at him with his three visible tails swaying as if that was how they moved normally. Moments later one of his tails stretched out to protect his container from a few more metal daggers from spearing him. It was rather convenient that his magnificent and perfect tails were naturally at least three to four times his body length and could only get longer if he bothered using more power. **"Looks like I might be able to work off some of the fat this time too. Doesn't seem lightly though."**

"Kill the brat! The summon will disappear if its master is dead!" What appeared to be the leader of the group shouted as he threw more kunai at Naruto, only to be easily blocked by Kurama's tail.

" **Humans."** The fox rolled his eyes and casually walked to the high strung would be killers, not at all bothered with their attempts to kill Naruto. **"The moment they see a non human helping another out they think that it's automatically a lowly summon."**

Granted he ignored the fact that at one point he had been a summon of Madara Uchiha, but then again it wasn't like he had a choice in that particular arrangement.

The three men froze as the beast momentarily blasted them with (what he considered) a fairly weak killing intent, the kind he used for things he intended to eat while hunting. It was significantly less potent than what he used on things he actually fought. His lacking impression of the weaklings was further enforced when he smelt one of them soil himself a few moments later.

" **Ugh. Why do I keep on forgetting that they do that?"** Kurama groaned, his face scrunched up in disgust before shooting out one of his tails and impaling the man that had committed the offense. The victim's chakra armor did almost nothing to impede the savage blow. **"I guess that that is simply another benefit of being significantly larger than virtually everything else most of the time. Your nose is too far away to pick up some of the more annoying things."**

"Monster!" The leader shouted as he was snapped out of his stupor by his friend's death and charged at the biju, taking out a katana that began to glow blue with chakra.

He might as well have been wielding tissue paper as his target swiped out with one of his claws and tore through the weapon and armor, nearly cutting the poor fool in half as easily as breathing.

The unstoppable beast withdrew his paw to show that he had torn out the man's still beating heart and popped it into his mouth as casually as an Akimichi eats chips, chewing on it with satisfaction while looking at the sole survivor. The fox's red eyes were only matched by the lifeblood dripping down his maw. **"Mmm. Not good. Not bad. A bit too much cholesterol in his diet for my taste."**

Terrified beyond words, the man looked around frantically. He could tell that he wouldn't be able to run from or kill the beast given how fast it took out his leader of two years, and help would never be able to get to him in time. His eyes fell upon the sleeping boy that had been his original target. Killing the boy had been his goal, but now it was possibly his only way out.

Screaming his head off, the nameless man shouted at the top of his lungs and charged past the fox to his side to the boy. Throwing kunai had proven to be more than useless so he had to get in close to get the job done. Weaving around the three tails hanging around mid air and managed to land right next to the bed with his kunai wielding hands plunging towards his target's face.

Had he bothered to be more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed that the fox was not bothering with him.

Had he bothered to be more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed how easy it was to get around the fox's tails.

Had he bothered to be more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed that the boy's eyes were open and staring at him with an unnerving blank expression…

Moments later, blood flew everywhere.

o. o. o.

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid…" Grunted Karenbana as she led the royal family and a small cadre of royal guards to one of the hidden passageways designed to allow the occupants to escape in times of dire need…

… For example, when the entire castle was under attack from all sides by shinobi and mercenaries. She noted that half of them were in chakra armor and causing chaos everywhere.

One day. She couldn't even get twenty four god damn hours to prepare and adjust her plans for the shit to hit the fan before the idiots acted without warning and assaulted the royal compound with gusto.

She had been waiting with Michiru and his family for the Daimyo of the land of Spring and the Mizukage in the main chambers of the castle when the first explosions and screams took place. Most likely the fools had used the opening the Daimyo's return from her tour of the island had made to their advantage, and gotten through the gates that way.

After that, their larger numbers and better armor would ensure that they had the main entrance to the territory. The fact that they now most likely got their hands on the actress at the same time was icing on the cake. The Mizukage on the other hand was not scheduled to return for another hour. At best there was only around four ANBU on the castle grounds, and while they were no doubt very good at what they did, they would not be able to handle this sort of force.

She knew this because she had been there when the timetable had been made for the event and thus made the plan of attack. One that she was now severely regretting.

All in all, the entire castle would soon be a warzone and she would try her hardest to not become a part of it.

"Wait!" Hikairu shouted. "What about Naruto-nii?! He's still sleeping!"

The kunoichi couldn't help but snort bitterly at the thought of anyone trying to kill the kid sleeping in the other side of the castle while the fox was still there. If it weren't for the fact that the kid was too far away from where they were and the fact that she was scared shitless of the fox, she probably would have taken the group over to the kid instead of the stairs. "Hikairu-dono. Trust me when I say this. We don't need to go after him. I have no idea what the hell that fox guarding him is, but that thing is most likely the most dangerous thing on this island next to the Mizukage and the Demon of the Hidden Mist."

No. It was probably something worse than the Mizukage. She was a fairly experienced and traveled wandering shinobi before her exploits in Moon and she could confidently say that nothing she knew of could compare to that _thing_ that took the form of a fox. Anyone that tried to kill the brat while it was around would get torn to pieces. It was as simple as that.

"Hey! Who's there?!" Shouted a rather rough and therefore unfriendly voice from the direction the small group was running to.

"Son of a…" Karenbana swore under her breath before she instantly sped up in the direction of the voices and wove a few seals. It had only taken her five minutes to figure out that the armor she wore only canceled out genjutsu that targeted the wearer directly. Wide spread genjutsu that did specific things that didn't target the user worked just fine.

That being said, her illusion of countless sakura petals flooding the hallway worked perfectly in distracting and blinding the small group of half unarmored thugs as she charged at them like a flying cannonball from the ceiling and tore out two thirds of their throats in a single pass. She made sure to focus on the ones that were wearing chakra armor like her since they'd be the most trouble.

As much as she prided herself on her deceptive strength, she was by nature a supplementary fighter. She worked best when a distraction in the form of a meat puppet was nearby.

Thankfully by the time that the remaining three survivors realized that four of their group had been taken out and their assailant was behind them, the other members of the royal guard had come on top of them and made quick work of them. The chakra armor was a great defense against nin and genjutsu, but normal chakra-less attacks could easily still get through with ease.

"Hikairu. Don't look." The new Queen attempted to shelter her son as the royal family ran past the carnage and towards a set of hidden stairs.

"I'm fine mom." The prince swallowed heavily. He was used to the idea of death. Executions were rare in the Land of Moon, but they did happen on occasion whenever someone tried to mess with one of their more valued casinos or attack the royal family. As a member of the royal family he was obligated to see them once in a while. His first was actually Shabadaba's execution after he violated the terms of his imprisonment. Still being this close was a new and unwanted experience. "We have to keep on moving."

"He's right." Michiru nodded. It really was impressive on how much he had changed over the past few years. He was a few pounds heavier than he used to before he let himself go, but his mental resolve was miles ahead of what it had been at any point. "We can't bother about the small things right now."

"Hard to believe you were that useless fatass that I read about when I first got here." Karenbana smirked as she began to lead the group again. "No offence Michiru-sama."

"Come on. Do you really have to make jabs at what I was like now of all times?" The current king groaned with a hint of immaturity. While his personality had grown as much as his body in the past few years, he still slipped on occasion.

Karenbana, while still distrusted by a good portion of the castle, was somehow one of the few people that could get away with calling him out on it. It was probably because she was one of the most dangerous people on the island so few people actually attempted to stop her so long as she wasn't going overboard.

"Gotta do something to make this suck less." She snorted without remorse before turning to one of the hallways. "Hurry up, we're almost…"

Her comment was cut short as she instantly used the kunai in her hands to deflect at least a dozen more that were thrown from the direction she had just faced. "Shit! They headed us off!"

Hikairu shivered as he saw four more shinobi in the odd armor run down the hall straight towards them, only to be headed off by his guard. The sounds of shouting and metal clashing met his ears in greater volume and frequency with each passing second. Subconsciously he reached for his ever present bow and quiver, the only things that had give him true comfort even when his parents were separated and he was travelling with his at the time foolish father.

"Michiru-sama! Take your family out of here!" The captain shouted frantically as he barely held off his attacker. The man was pretty good given that he only had some basic samurai training, but it was still an uphill fight at the best. "Karenbana! Protect them with your life! That's an order!"

The Kunoichi clicked her teeth in irritation before grabbing a hold of the King and Queen and pulling them around the fighting. "Fucking great. Like I needed you to tell me what to do dumbass. Oi brat! Hurry up! I taught you for a reason damn it!"

The yelling did the trick in snapping the young prince out of his daze and brought him back to reality. Realizing what was happening, the boy focused what he could on his small reserves just like he had been taught and ran around the fighting faster than any twelve year old should have, catching up to his family and Karenbana in seconds before continuing onward to the stairs.

"And you said that teaching your brat to use chakra was pointless." The kunoichi snorted to the Queen, who had been arguing for years that her son had no need to learn a trade with such a violent history. "Get your bow out kid, I might need the backup if things get messy."

"No! We need to focus on running away." The Queen snapped, the severity of the situation getting to her. "We don't need my son to be a murderer on top of all of this!"

"Either he might kill some idiot or we all might die. Take your pick lady." The former missing nin snorted as they closed in on their goal. "Fun fact. There are a lot of sick fucks out there that would kill to screw a pretty little Queen like you for the hell of it. You wanna test that out?"

"Karenbana!" The Michiru snapped with genuine irritation overriding any childish whining that may have been heard in his voice. "Be silent and do your job! Hikairu do what you wish but please be careful. If anything else make sure that you live through this. Amayo, I…"

The King was cut off as his servant, who was literally half his size, shoved him out of the way with more strength than his body could ever manage, and prevented him from getting skewered by a dozen shuriken.

"Again?!" The Queen began to panic as at the next intersection twelve men and women, half in chakra armor half not walked into view with smug looks on their face.

"Well well." One of the women that Karenbana saw at the bar smirked, dressed in armor. "Looks like my info was right after all. The King did have a capable shinobi under his payroll. Good thing I took the extra men and did that extra info gathering just in case." She began to chuckle. "Heh. Although I have to admit I'm surprised. I've seen underwhelming looking people before, but you certainly take the cake. What are you? Fourteen? Fifteen?"

The Kunoichi grit her teeth in frustration. Her plans were going up in smoke faster than she could say Danzo Shimura and she had no way out of it. The more time she wasted the more of a chance she and the royal family would be cut off as her former comrades got murdered. "I'm twenty five. Dumbass."

"You're shitting me." Snorted one of the many grunts who found the factoid hilarious. "A little brat like you is an old hag?"

"And I look manlier than you do needle dick. Isn't that just sad?" The killer smirked with a shit eating grin.

"Why you little bitch!" The large and clearly clueless man roared before charging forward at the girl with his sword drawn…

Only to get an arrow shaft between the eyes and put down instantly.

"Oi, you know I could have handled him easily right?" The guard muttered absently as she kept her eyes on the rest of her opponents, none of which seemed to care that their comrade had been killed.

"You can't afford any distractions." Hikairu breathed out shakily as he took out another arrow and notched it. Even at his age he knew he couldn't risk any mistakes. He could deal with the fact that he just killed someone later. Every second counted now.

"Such a considerate little prince I have." The kunoichi smirked dryly.

"Hikairu!" The Queen gasped at her son's actions.

"Hah!" The enemy leader snorted. "Well lookie here boys! The brat prince has bigger balls than some of you! Who knew?!"

The family and guard let the group laugh. It meant that their guard was down, at least a little bit.

Standing on the defensive, Karenbana slowly reached for one of the poison pouches on her body. Normally it would be stupid to use them while her charges were with her, but she was running out of options at this point. The one she was using was a refined version of her reaction delay poison, so it would at least get past the chakra armor, and in theory it could help them get past the group with some luck, but even so the odds were definitely not in their favor. At best she felt that she would only be able to save one of them…

It didn't take a genius who she would likely save if it came down to that.

However, just before she managed to close her fingers on the small sphere of toxic chemicals, a new factor made itself known.

Flush.

From the bathroom between both groups.

Flush… Flush flush flush flush.

"… Fuck! I used too much toilet paper!"

… Flush.

"Shit!"

…

Flush.

" **It's not working."**

"No really?"

" **Bet you're regretting not brushing up on your water style now aren't you? You said it yourself, it would be a godsend for human pipe mechanics everywhere."**

"One. You are more than aware that any technique I'd use would blow up the damn thing, spraying us both with my own undesired physical matter. Two. Shut the fuck up Furball. Three. Find me the damn plunger before we both are stepping in my two!"

" **I still don't see why I should help you in the slightest."**

"Help me or I will materialize you in a used public bathroom stall next time!"

"… **The strongest biju reduced to that of a plumber. I don't know if I'm sickened more with myself or you."**

"It's not my fault that I've been backed up since I passed out. You said it yourself. I've been out for almost a week. On that note, I'm freaking starving."

Gurgle.

"See how angry Mr. Tummy is?!"

" **Well at least it wouldn't be the first time you ruined a castle through questionable means. Here."**

"Thanks. How was I supposed to now that the funky markings under the floorboards of the guest room led to another dimension? Really? Tell me how. I'm all ears."

Flush.

" **I'm pretty sure that you use the thing before flushing again dumbass."**

"Just checking."

Everyone outside the bathroom looked at one another in disbelief and skepticism as they overheard the two inside bicker while certain death was likely to await them outside. Given that the pair was not identified, no one knew whose friend or foe it was, but no one was willing to take chances as they focused on the door.

Flush. Gurgle bubble.

"Wohoo! Success!"

" **Truly this is the highlight of your day."**

"Hey you dumb shits in the bathroom!" One rather crude man from the invading group. "Step out now with your hands where we can see them!"

He was answered by the sound of the sink turning on. "Hell no! I'm washing these things first! We're in a freaking castle you idiot! You know, the kind that royalty live in?! I'd be arrested for public indecency or some other bullshit law if I held these things out in front of the people here! Wait your turn!"

Many of the mercenaries and lesser trained shinobi couldn't help but laugh to varying degrees at this point though for differing reasons. Some just thought whoever was in the room was hilarious. Others thought that the situation itself was just amusing. Another group were grinning sadistically thinking that whoever was inside was going to shit themselves when he finally came out and realized what the situation was like outside. All in all, they were pretty much confident enough in their position that they could relax a bit regardless.

However the mercenaries didn't seem to notice that Karenbana, Hikairu and Michiru were smiling now as well. They, unlike the others, knew who owned the pair of obnoxious voices. Sure the lighter one was a bit deeper than they remembered, but there was only one person who could talk about such bizarre things in such a blatant and upfront way.

Indeed, many of the smiles in the hallway disappeared as the occupants of the bathroom finally opened the door and a sudden wave of chakra triggered their senses and nerves.

Said occupants didn't so much as blink as literally five dozen kunai impaled themselves around the doorway they stood in.

"Wow. Didn't know the bathroom was in such hot demand."

The number of kunai embedded into the doorway doubled.

"Seriously, what the hell did all of you have today to be so damn cranky?"

More sounds of metal impacting wood flooded the hallway.

"This isn't a private bathroom people! There's more than one stall here to use!"

" **I don't think they're here for the bathroom."** If the fox's voice was filled with any more sarcasm it would have solidified.

The invading shinobi there didn't dare try to get closer or throw anymore projectiles (something that was more of a reflex than an actual tactic for most practiced shinobi). It wasn't much the boy as it was the fox with three massive long tails there emanating a metric fuck ton of chakra that that put them on edge. All of them had had enough experience to know not to move close to such things without some sort of plan set up.

"Speaking of food, do any of you guys know where the kitchens are?" Naruto asked while drying his hands with a paper towel, completely missing the situation as he looked around. "Fuzzbutt says I've been out for a week, so yeah. I'm kinda hungry."

Gurgle.

"Ok. Scratch that. I'm fucking starving."

" **It's best to tell him. He gets even more annoying when he's hungry."** Kurama sighed in resignation.

"Not my fault I have an insane metabolism. Why do you think I eat so much ramen still? I needs carbs son. I needs them bad."

"Shit! It's the Feral Gale! He's awake!" One of the shinobi in armor nervously stepped back as he finally recognized the teen before turning to the leader. Given his reaction, it was fairly obvious that he had encountered the jinchuriki at some point in the past. "I thought you sent some guys to kill him while he was still asleep!"

"Oh… uh. If anyone asks, Kurama killed all of those guys whose bodies now decorate the room I was sleeping in." Naruto looked to the side, clearly lying. "Yep. He killed all of them. Not me. Totally not my fault this time."

" **I only take credit for the speared through human and the one whose heart I ate. The one whose upper torso was reduced to a shredded paste and now covers everything else inside was all you."** The fox corrected with a tired look. Obviously this was not the first time they had a conversation of this nature.

"He's simply being generous people. Pay no attention to the talking ego with fur."

"I have a better idea." One of the grunts that obviously was nowhere near as intimidated of Naruto and the Kyubi as some of the others, flung a handful of lightning chakra enhanced kunai at the pair… only for each and every one of them to miss completely and sink completely into the surrounding walls and floors.

" **Since when have I ever been nice? I just tore out a human's heart and ate it in front of his friend's less than twenty minutes ago."** The fox ignored the failed attack and glared at his container. **"Don't ruin my reputation here more than it is already going to by hanging around you."**

"What the fuck was that?" One of the other mercs hissed to the attacker. "I thought you said you were good at tools."

The man took a step back and frowned. "I am you idiot. There's no way I should have missed from this close. The brat obviously did something."

"Naruto-nii! You're really up!" Hikairu spoke up in pure happiness and relief.

"Hm?" The blonde turned to the boy curiously. "You look familiar. Wait. Don't tell me. Glasses. A bow. Dark hair. Lots of obnoxiously white and blue clothes that are borderline effeminate… Ishida! Wait, I'm supposed to be home… Hika… Hikamori? No that wasn't it… Hikairu!… Hikairu right?"

"Word is he's some sort of Wind style ninjutsu savant. They got the idiot part right at least." The leader of the group shrugged as she began to make some seals. "Still it shouldn't be that hard. Enclosed spaces. Limited room to move." She smirked and breathed in deeply.

Under normal circumstances Karenbana would have reacted and yelled a warning to her charges and allies before moving to save her skin, however the look of unparalleled boredom that the fox was giving the attacking woman made her stop.

"I'm sure we can get at least one royal family member alive from this. Fire Style! Fireball!"

Whatever the woman and everyone else there was expecting, it probably wasn't for the attack to be snuffed out of existence within three feet of the attacker's mouth.

"So how's the family business going?" Naruto continued in good nature, completely ignoring the group behind him. "Have Ma and Pa been using that luxury setup I got them in the mountains?"

"Other than being kidnapped or killed today, things have been doing ok. Those funny old toads haven't been here recently from what I've heard. We still keep the bug buffet you set up on standby if they do come though." The prince laughed nervously. "But um. Nii-san? We're kinda in the middle of another incident at the moment if you haven't noticed yet."

"How could he not have?!" The Queen shouted in near hysterics. She may have been good in high stress political situations, but violent ones apparently shook her like nothing else. "We're still surrounded and people have already tried to kill him!"

"Why do people automatically assume that people trying to kill me are significant in some way or that it matters to me?" The Uzumaki groaned in frustration.

" **Because most rational existences would care if they were in your position. I believe it was one of the things you were trying to fix."**

"… Oh. Right."

"Oi Benihime! What gives?!" Shouted a rough and irritated voice from behind the royal family, causing them to panic. Indeed, coming from behind was two of the four shinobi that had attacked them just a few minutes beforehand. The pair was a bit cut up in various spots, but were for the most part more than able to fight still. "I lose two of my men to route these royal shits to you and you haven't grabbed them yet?"

"Nikkei…" The queen teared up, realizing that the guard that had been with her ever since she had returned to the island had been killed for her sake.

" **Honestly, I think this is a new record for you."** Kurama ignored the newcomers and everyone's reactions to berate Naruto some more. **"You weren't even conscious until a few minutes ago and yet the entire place has gone to Shukaku. You literally didn't even DO anything this time."**

"… Yeah." The blonde dropped his head in guilt, depression, and most likely hunger.

Gurgle.

"Huuuungry."

"We have some unexpected guests boys." The identified Benihime shrugged, nodding to the boy and the fox. "We're in the presence of the Feral Gale and his pet rug, so we're at a bit of an impasse at the moment."

"The Feral Gale?" The speaker frowned. "You mean that brat that became an S rank a few years ago?"

" **Oh for Fucks Sake humans!"** The Biju shouted in frustration at the same time that Naruto's head picked up with stars in his eyes. **"Did you have to say that out loud?! Now the idiot's going to be unbearable for weeks and I have to deal with it!"**

"S. Rank?" Naruto's head shot back up from the throes of hunger fueled depression. The suddenly very happy teen whispered with such hope that his cheeks puffed out like a small child's. "I'm… S ranked?!"

" **Does it really matter by now after all the hell we've been through?! Seriously?!"** Kurama roared in disbelief at his container.

"S… Rank!" Naruto's tears of pure joy were so disturbing that even the most serious and focused shinobi there couldn't help but look at him with some confusion. "They love me! They finally love me!"

" **NO! Nobody loves you! I killed your parents! You are doomed to a future of loneliness and people trying to kill you for a paycheck and cheap thrills! Once all the fighting is done you will be cursed to deal with politics and elderly members of your kind forever! Your mind has been raped by creatures of unknown origins so many times that we have lost count! Tentacle monsters! Ramen famines! Naked Toad Sage! Tea parties! Snap out of it damn you!"** No one could deny that the fox wasn't trying his damn hardest to bring the idiot back to reality, especially when he was smacking the fool upside his head with his tails while he was yelling at him.

"… Fuck it." Benihime had enough of this childish show and took out a rather long and curved kunai. "Grab the royals and kill the rest! We'll get a fortune off of the Namikaze's head!"

Now, in their defense, the men with her were more of a roughly put together team consisting half of sort of veterans and half of nameless grunts. The bulk of the main forces had been dedicated to stalling and holding off the Mizukage and her entourage in order to buy time to grab hold of the various other and significantly less violent major political figures there. Granted there were two other teams going through the building and trying to find any people or objects of value, but in terms of firepower and skill they weren't the cream of the crop.

Also, while they had under normal circumstances cornered the royal family in the corridor, the group was for the most part coming from one general direction.

Plus Benihime may or may not have been moving under the assumption that the blonde and the fox had not been paying attention to her in the slightest, which was somewhat understandable.

However that was probably her biggest mistake. She had made a rush assumption about an S ranked individual.

So, even if there wasn't a second and a half delay to comprehend what she was saying due to how bizarre Naruto's conversation and behavior was… and even if they moved logically and spread out around the edges of the corridor to divert their target's focus while all throwing kunai and shuriken to further distract their targets…

They would not have been able to defend or get out of the way of what happened next.

_Sorry guys, but in my current condition…_

The blonde grinned childishly, suddenly standing between the dozen shinobi and the royal family and in a stance that no one recognized. Apparently he had reacted faster to the woman's commands and actions faster than her own men to the point that no one had even seen him move in the first place.

It was only in their last moments that the attackers realized that all the projectiles they were throwing were missing horribly when they were supposed to be hitting their human targets.

Naruto was standing sideways to everyone with his knees bent facing the enemy. His forward hand was in a fist at chest level with his elbow pointing down at the enemy, his fist grinding into the palm of his open rear hand with the attached arm in a similar position, meeting in the middle of his chest. "Hidden art…"

He didn't bother paying attention to the two shinobi behind him that Kurama had torn apart in an instant.

_... I don't think I can afford to leave you alive._

"Invisible black."

o. o .o.

Run.

She panted heavily as she bolted through the castle as fast as she could.

Run.

She collided with the wall as she turned the corner. Her missing arm must have been messing with her balance more than she had thought. She managed to cauterize it with a quick and sloppy fire jutsu, but it did nothing to prevent the massive splatter of blood she made on contact with the unforgiving surface.

Run.

The pain was blinding, but it only reinforced the single command that was driving her body at the moment. She had to escape. She had to get away from that monster as fast as possible.

Ten. Ten men were with her during her charge. True not all of them were shinobi, but a good number of them including herself were wearing chakra armor. Given from what she had experienced, even well known shinobi would have trouble dealing with a force like that, let alone while protecting a family.

She had expected some of her men to die or get injured, but had also hoped that their greater numbers would enable them to get at least one of the royals and hold them hostage to control the situation.

Run.

She did not however, expect the demon in human's skin to massacre them all in an instant with a single sealless jutsu that she had never heard or seen of before.

Hah. Fuck seen. She doubted that any of them had actually caught even a flash or flicker of the damn thing before they had been cut in at least four pieces each.

Run.

It didn't matter if they wore chakra armor or not, the results had been the same. It was only due to her fast reflexes, instincts, and the fact that she had stayed back out of habit that she managed to get out of the line of fire…

Slam! She collided with another wall and decorated it with her essence.

Well, almost out of the line of fire anyways. At the very least she had managed to survive the event.

Run.

She saw some people up ahead. She couldn't tell if they were friend or foe, but she didn't care. They were in her way so she'd go somewhere else. She had to get away.

Run.

Turning another corner she stumbled again, only this time there was no floor.

Ah. This must have been the back stairs she had been preventing the royals from getting to earlier.

Run.

Stupid. She couldn't move now. All she could do was fall now with the illusion that her body as light as her head. She couldn't properly adjust her body in mid flight now due to her lack of balance as the floor approached her rapidly.

And to think all of this shit started when she wanted was to get back at that cheating bloodline fuck of an ex-boyfriend several years ago that left her for dead on a mission, stole her pay, and got her promotion.

Ru-

o. o. o.

"Is he ok?" Hikairu asked worriedly as he looked at Naruto lying flat on the ground in front and groaning like a small child while in front of the small piles of blood, meat, and sinew that had once been the enemy.

The entire corridor in front of where the teen was laying was gouged in dozens of thick gouges trailing from where he was all the way down to the other end where the wall facing them was… more or less butchered and hacked to bits.

"Fooooooooooooood." The Jinchuriki cried pathetically as his stomach's growling increased in volume moments before it was picked up effortlessly by one of Kurama's tails.

" **Translation: I have used up all the energy and require physical replenishment."** The biju shook his head in frustration. **"That last technique of his used up the last of his energy. S rank or not, the fool is just dead weight right now."**

"SSSSSSSS Raaaaaaaaaaank."

" **Quiet you."**

"Lovely." Karenbana rolled her eyes, finally regaining her nerves from the near death experience and seeing Naruto's technique in action. Unlike the royals, she actually understood just how insane Naruto's technique was and a little bit of how it worked. The fact that he pulled it off while on the verge of collapse unnerved her even more. If the nut wasn't S ranked material back when she first saw him, he definitely was one now. "Another reason for the bastards to gun for us."

"Then why didn't he use a weaker technique?" Michiru asked, looking at the damage and the bodies while trying to hold his stomach together. His wife was not doing nearly as well as she was currently occupying the bathroom the teen had been using just moments before.

" **It was the best he could have used for the situation chakra and stamina wise. It's rather efficient in that regard, though a bit physically demanding to learn."** The fox shrugged, however the humans that were paying attention to him noted that he had momentarily eyed the damage to the corridor with some sort of negative emotion. It wasn't anger so much as it was irritation and disappointment, but that wasn't exactly it either. **"None the less, unless you have some sustenance on you, I suggest we go to wherever you store your food so the idiot can at least get around without help. I highly doubt that the fool would be much use without it, and if I may be blunt, I am not capable of ensuring, nor do I particularly care about your protection."**

"There's a minor pantry this way." Michiru pointed in a seemingly random direction. "Back when I was um… a bit needy, I had kitchens and food stores set up on each floor for faster access. Now they're more for serving multiple guests at once. I guess it's a good thing that the Mizukage and the Spring Country's Daimyo were here, otherwise they wouldn't be stocked."

"How can he be so weak though?" Hikairu wondered as he looked at his barely conscious role model. "Everyone's said that he's really strong and has a ton of chakra. I remember him making a hole in a tidal wave large enough for our ship to go through!"

" **So long as your body is flesh and blood, you will require food and drink human, regardless of how strong you are."** Kurama snorted as he began to walk in the general direction of the pantry. **"The fool succumbed to lack of nourishment before I dragged him here, and has been sleeping in your room for nearly half a week without proper medical care."** He glared at Michiru. **"I told your human healers multiple times that the idiot required far more of those liquid nutrient packs hooked up to him than a normal human while he was asleep, but they didn't listen. The fool burns up far more energy than the standard example of your kind, even while asleep. The only reason why he is not worse is because Haku occasionally administered her own treatments when she was not busy catering to the Mizukage. This is merely the result of such negligence."**

The King frowned, not intimidated by the fox for once, but rather emulating the irritation. "Then it appears that I will have to restaff my medical team once this is all over. Perhaps maybe add in a few medical shinobi as well to ensure that nothing is left to chance. However first things first. Amayo, are you well enough to follow us? We need to move."

A quick flush of the toilet was heard. "I-I'll manage. Forgive me, but I'm not used to… situations like this."

"No shit." Karenbana snorted under her breath.

She had never really gotten along with the queen for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with her nearly helping Shabadaba take over the country. It was one of the few good things about nobility and the like: they were able to overlook things quite well if they needed to, even if it was right in front of them. Commoners on the other hand, tended to react to everything with skepticism.

Granted this trait was also what tended to make nobility complete idiots and assholes in the first place, but then again few things were ever truly black or white in their world.

Stepping up to the woman, the kunoichi managed to prop her up and help her move and keep up with the rest of the group. "If more idiots come, hide. We'll be busy enough trying to keep you alive without you being a walking target."

"Right." Amayo muttered tiredly, too emotionally tired to argue and trying her hardest to ignore the smell and sight of the bodies behind her.

Whether it was simply because the other invading parties were busy raiding the lower levels, or because Naruto's horrendous luck finally gave them a break, the group managed to get to the small kitchen with little issue.

Crack. Slurp. Munch. Munch.

Of course, not before Kurama apparently decided to take a few snacks with him in the process.

"… **They're just lying there. It's not like they're going to need their organs for later. Don't bother judging me, because I honestly don't care about anything you think."**

o. o. o.

With Zabuza:

"Kill. Him. Kill. Him. Kill. Him. Kill. Him…" Zabuza's mantra fueled by his raging emotions unnerved both friend and foe alike as he tore through any and all of the enemy shinobi that were unfortunate or unskilled enough to get out of his blade's way.

It didn't matter if they were protected by chakra armor or not, they were cut down like wheat under the combined might of Kubikirihochou and the Demon of the Hidden Mist's wrath.

Suffice to say… the enemy's forces avoided him like the plague whenever possible.

His physically manifesting presence that terrified all that were not familiar with it may have also had something to do with it as well.

"As much as I dislike admitting that he was right, I have to relent this time." The Mizukage mused after she spat out a small lake of lava at a small group of assailants. While the armor protected them from the direct attack, it did nothing to help them after they realized that they were now standing in the molten stone and screamed in pain as the prolonged exposure overwhelmed their defenses. "That boy's presence does seem to coincide with unusual events wherever he goes…"

"We tried to warn you Mei-sama." Haku sighed as she created several spears of ice through an unprotected shinobi who had misjudged her speed. "Naruto is a bright flame and these events are like moths."

Indeed. Ever since Naruto had arrived, Zabuza and Haku had been on edge twenty four seven. No one attempted to wake them up after Suigetsu was frozen solid, and approaching them from behind from virtually any and all distances would wind the perpetrator up with anything ranging from senbon through their hands to nearly getting gutted like a fish.

So, it shouldn't be surprising to have guessed that when the group was returning to the Castle from their day in the city (Zabuza only almost killed seven people that day), the pair had instantly detected the large number of shinobi hiding in the surrounding area and warned their group.

Unfortunately, they had been too late to stop the attack. The moment the alarm had been set off, the enemy had charged forward with reckless abandon from virtually every angle and throwing enough smoke and exploding tags to make the organization of the three defending forces nearly impossible.

While their large numbers were surprising, it was the chakra armor that so many of them wore that really tilted the scales against them. Even though Koyuki's personal guard supposedly wore stronger and more up to date armor, the massive forces had been more than enough to overwhelm her guardians and put her at their mercy while the Castle's guard was similarly overrun and the Kirigakure group was held back from coming to her aid.

While Zabuza, Haku, and Mei were making quick work out of their opponents, the chakra armor they wore and their raw numbers were causing some serious problems with the rest of their ANBU backup, stalling their progress.

"KILL!" Zabuza roared blindly as he charged to another small group of unprotected men at full speed and focus on them. His killing intent was so maddeningly intense that the poor fools were anchored in place out of sheer fear and were all but unconscious before being torn apart in a single swing.

"Mizukage-sama." Ao winced at the man's display of brutality. Despite being used to witnessing moments of extremely depraved morality, even he had to admit that Zabuza was starting to creep him out. "Don't you think we should do something about him?"

The perpetrator flew across the battlefield like a rampaging war god. "AND THIS IS FOR THE TIME YOU NEARLY GELDED ME BRAT!"

"Something tells me it would be best if we just let it run its course." The Mizukage laughed nervously, guessing accurately that her likely to be future husband was projecting images of Uzumaki on all of his current targets.

Suigetsu winced as he saw out of the corner of his eyes his teacher do horrific things to his latest victims. "Owch. And they say I need to curb my enthusiasm when fighting." He hastily jumped out of the way of an earth jutsu that his opponent fired at him. "Whoops. Nearly lost focus for a moment there."

Weaving around two armored men, the wielder of the Kiba smirked with his shark like teeth and jabbed out at both sides. The sharpest blades in the world were momentarily halted by the chakra armor the men wore, however it was not enough to impede the legendary lightning blades as they pierced through the energy fields within seconds and embedded themselves within the now dead targets' necks.

"My my. This armor of theirs is interesting. It's making even these weaklings give me a decent workout. And to think I thought we wouldn't see any action when we were sent here, eh Chojuro?"

SMASH!

Chakra armor or not, it was going to take more to defend the wearers from a fully unleashed Hiramekeri hammering them from above.

"Something's not right." The blue haired teen frowned as he looked around to see that the enemy was keeping their distance, but still surrounding them and within a reasonable range. "Most of the ones that were wearing that armor aren't here anymore. They're stalling us." He turned to his boss. "Mizukage-sama! We're going to lose the Daimyo at this rate!"

Haku frowned as she looked at the direction that the enemy had left. She had pegged the woman's clothes with some special ice senbon that she could trace over distance, but even now she could tell that the space between them was reaching its limit. Deflecting some shuriken and looking around she made a quick tally of the situation. There were roughly three times as many enemies as there were shinobi on her side, but save for their numbers and that annoying armor of theirs, they didn't have much going for them.

Making a decision, the girl abandoned dealing with the enemy and exploited her speed to the fullest to seemingly teleport right next to Zabuza's side (right after he had killed the latest slew of unfortunates), establishing her presence enough to snap the man out of his rage and realize that she needed him to do something now. "They're getting away with Koyuki-sama. We need to close the gap."

Realizing that there was work to be done, the demon calmed down, causing his terrifying presence to dwindle as well. "Just us?" The question was his way of asking her input. He didn't mind or think it would be too much for just the pair of them, but she tended to have a better grasp of chaotic situations.

Haku glanced around briefly but analytically. "We should take Mei-sama just in case. Everyone else can handle things here, but we don't know what else could be up ahead."

"A bit overkill, but why not? It'll give the lazy shits here some good exercise anyways." The Demon of the Hidden Mist grinned before shouldering his sword.

An instant later the pair was right next to the Mizukage, with the swordmaster driving his weapon into the ground and Haku making seals. "Oi Mei. Leave the small fry to the boys to make them earn their keep. We gotta make sure that movie princess makes it out of this alive."

"Hmm." The powerful woman mused as she ended her water whip technique, barely paying attention to the three men nearly forty feet away that she had torn to pieces with it. "You have a point. I take it you have already devised a means for us to track and catch up to them then?"

The ground beneath her feet turned into a large but thin sheet of steel hard ice before it lurched up from the massive wave of water not unlike the ones Kisame frequently made that had erupted from beneath it.

"Ah. That's how." She tilted her head to the side, not at all off balance from the sudden jolt of movement, nor the shouts of surprise as the wave and her makeshift boat rolled on forward unimpeded by the helpless enemy forces and down the road where their target was supposedly being taken. Turning around, she waved pleasantly to the rapidly fading fighters. "Ao! I'll leave everything up to you! Once you are done here go retake the castle and ensure that Michiru-dono is alive and well! Do a good job or else I'll demote you!"

Haku lightly chuckled while holding the ram seal as she could all but hear the poor man cry out loud at how unfair the situation was for him. Her eyes were closed in order for her to better feel where her senbon were while at the same time maintaining their makeshift platform. They were far, but the distance between them was slowly closing. "You really are unfair to him sometimes Mei-sama."

"I have no idea what you are talking about Haku-chan." The Mizukage smiled innocently. "Ao has always been quite on top of everything and is always oh so proactive. I am merely putting him in a position that he would excel in, wouldn't you agree?"

"Serves the cock blocker right. Always knocking on the damn door as if he doesn't know what's going on." Zabuza grunted, a hand on his sword which was still embedded in the ice so he could control the wave beneath them with ease. "Treaties with the land of Vegetables needing to be signed at eleven at night being of vital importance my ass."

"Indeed. I feel that I may need to organize a temporary leave of absence for him when we return. Perhaps even find him someone to spend time with." Mei whimsically mused.

It was not hard to believe that Ao seriously needed to get laid with his stiff personality. Even Haku had relented on this front.

"We should probably worry about that later." The ice user mused as she focused a bit and materialized a small compass like needle in front of Zabuza, which was pointing slightly to the left. Getting the hint, the driver altered his course to follow where he was being pointed.

o. o. o.

Back in the Castle:

" **That was pathetic."**

"Murh?" Naruto mumbled through a mouth full of bread, meat, and cheese. The pantry wasn't as fully stocked as the kitchen, but it still had a good range of food in it. He couldn't waste any time with actually cooking food, but that wasn't a real issue at this point.

Outside the room, the Royal Family and Karenbana were gathering their wits and talking with one another frantically about the state of affairs of the situation, including potential escape routes, future political issues that would happen due to this event, and which countries they should seek help from until things cool down. Of course Hikairu was confident that Naruto would do something to resolve everything, but given the fact that the blonde had been borderline comatose until just a few minutes ago, the others weren't so sure.

The sounds of things breaking and some people screaming bloody murder downstairs didn't help their constitution either.

" **I seem to recall that you refined the particular technique you used earlier so it could go for a mile through a forest before stopping, and that the only damage it did was focused into a tiny line."** The fox growled as he lay on the floor with an irritated expression.

" **I also recall it being strong enough to nearly cut one of my tails in two when we fought."**

The jinchuriki eyed the fox skeptically before swallowing his food and draining half a glass of water. "Yeah. And I recall being in Sage Mode and not literally starving when that happened. Give me a break Kurama. I'm not completely made out of chakra here. Some of us actually have to deal with petty things like biology. You make it sound like I used one of my Rasenshuriken variants."

If he used one of THOSE monstrosities in his current condition, he would have either died or knocked himself comatose again for another month.

He would have also at least blown out a good portion of the castle…

… and the mountain range behind it...

… or at least one mountain...

… depended on the angle really.

" **I'm surprised you even know what biology is."**

Ignoring his friend, the teen glanced at his right hand and flexed it testingly before frowning uncharacteristically. "I probably won't be at my best for a few days. My medic knowledge isn't that good, but I know that shit happens to your body if you sleep for too long without moving. My joints are all stiff as hell. I'm honestly surprised I managed to pull it off as well as I did without busting my arms. You know the power behind Invisible Black is almost all from my arm movement."

He groaned in frustration. "Man, it's going to suck having to retrain myself to get back to normal. It's going to seriously cut into my exploiting casinos time too."

Despite how he acted, the fact that he was admitting that his body was acting against him was worth noting. Had the fox stayed within his host's body, he would have realized that the teen's entire body was cramped rather painfully for not stretching or moving for so long. Every movement was accompanied by the throbbing of his blood circulating in spots that had been deprived of oxygen for too long. Sakura would have kept him in bed or put him into rehab for several days had she found him in that condition, accelerated healing be damned.

Combined with his genuinely crippling hunger, it was honestly a miracle that he managed to take out the dozen odd shinobi less than ten minutes earlier, let alone not pass out afterwards. Small wonder his technique wasn't as clean or powerful as the fox expected.

Hell, if it wasn't for his fast metabolism taking in energy from the food he was eating at an insane rate combined with his healing factor, he would still be having trouble moving at the moment instead of stuffing his face every few seconds or throwing it back up at that very moment.

" **Your chakra output for the seventh sense is much lower than it normally is too."** Kurama's eyes wandered his host's body, looking at the energy that was invisible to the normal human eye. **"It would take as much time for you to establish a sufficient enough amount to fly off the island regardless. It appears that means we are stuck dealing with another one of your incidents then."**

The blonde snorted sarcastically before downing another bite of meat, bread and cheese and draining it with water before munching on a carrot and an apple at the same time. "Muh. This is bull. I mean. Mmm. I wasn't even awake the entire time I was here and this crazy crap happened." He swallowed before repeating the process. "Hell, Ero-Ni wasn't even here this time!"

" **I consider it a new personal best for you."** The fox smirked.

The teen finished his drink. "How the hell is that a best?"

" **Because these activities amuse me greatly when I am not obligated to do anything."** The bloodthirsty grin widened to reveal many sharp teeth.

Naruto snorted at the answer and shook his head before finishing his makeshift sandwich and making another one. "Hah. Should have known you'd give a dick answer."

" **Why change perfection?"** Kurama's good mood was momentarily dampened as his eyes darted to a seemingly random direction.

"What's up?" It just went to show how well the teen knew the fox that he could tell when the beast was distracted while facing a completely different direction.

" **Isobu's container and the females he spends time with are about to encounter a rather large group of angry little monkeys."** The beast elaborated with a seemingly careless tone, however Naruto detected a hint of something else underneath it.

"So?" Naruto's question was warranted. He was well aware of what chakra armor could do, and between Zabuza, Haku and the Mizukage, he was fairly certain that they could take on a genuine small army without much issue.

And that was before taking into account all the tricks Haku and Zabuza have picked up while he was gone.

" **It appears that that actress turned Daimyo you know of was kidnapped in the chaos. No doubt things will become annoying if unaddressed."**

"… Did I miss something?" The Uzumaki seemingly ignored the situation for something more outstanding. "Since when did you care about the safety of normal humans?"

" **Don't be ridiculous."** The beast's momentary menacing glare and killing intent was enough to crack the class sitting on the counter between them. **"You know as well as I do that if a major political figure dies while you were conveniently here, someone would eventually place the blame on you for one sickeningly irrational reason or another."**

"… Shit you're right."

Any skeptical thoughts on the fox's behavior were wiped away at the idea of being blamed for things going wrong when things went wrong. Again. He hated it when that happened. More people tended to want to kill him when he tried to leave things be during situations like that. "Aaaagh. But we gotta make sure that the guys here don't die too!"

" **Is there a possibility that your clones won't be useless if you left them here?"**

"Given my luck, there's someone actually competent in the lower floors." Naruto shrugged before biting into his newest sandwich and closing his eyes.

From what he could tell, another small group or two of the weaker fighters had slipped into the building while he was eating. They weren't a major threat, but if they actually bothered to team up with the other guys in the building it would make it a pain to protect Michiru's family. Thankfully, the castle was full of expensive and shiny things that most low borne bandits can't resist playing around with once inside their visible range.

On second thought, given that fact alone the royal family could theoretically hang up here on the top floor for a good few hours before actually needing help.

"I can't really tell, there are so many of them wearing chakra armor that I can't get a good reading on them, but there are a good number of the fuckers down there. In my condition making enough clones here and trying to help out mummy head is not gonna happen."

" **If you try to push either job on me, I will hurt you. And given that your body seems to be in a good deal of pain already, it will probably hurt you even more than anticipated."**

Silence.

"… **On second thought, please do ask me to help you out. I have suddenly discovered a hidden pocket of generosity in my being that I haven't destroyed yet."**

"Any chance that if I ask you that you won't go through with your declaration to cause me harm?"

" **No."**

"Thought so."

" **Even with what you've eaten, you are in no condition to fight in general, let alone on two fronts. Without Sage Mode or my chakra, you are left in a poor position"**

"Then I just won't fight. Samurai were originally the guys that actually fought in the first place. Funny how people here tend to forget that."

Kurama smirked, knowing what his container was getting at. **"Ah, indeed. It is most amusing when you start using the more interesting techniques at your disposal. Have fun not fighting. Keheheh."**

Finishing his latest sandwich and ignoring the biju's ominous laugh, the jinchuriki brushed his hands on his clothes to get the crumbs off and shook his body to further relax his muscles, ignoring the sharp spikes and tingles that stabbed him in virtually every nerve he had. "Will do. Besides, it's not like there aren't plenty of guys here that are handling fighting already anyways."

" **Humph. No need to do the heavy labor when the ready and willing are already available."**

"Besides Kurama my powerful, but very much unstable and homicidal friend, you forget that you are not the only inhuman force of mass destruction at my disposal."

The fox looked at the blonde in momentary confusion before realizing what he was talking about. **"They might take you back with them once the matters here are done to send you back to Konoha. You haven't seen them since we started travelling worlds after all."**

"Don't worry. We always have insurance to persuade them otherwise." The blonde grinned.

" **You're talking about using me as a potential violent solution slash alternative again aren't you?"**

"Yep. There a problem?"

" **No. Just clarifying. Also a bit relieved that I'm being used against a place that I can actually handle this time. Not like that time with that golden witch female."**

Both of them shivered at the painful and traumatizing memory. "Ugh. Sorry about that. I should have known better by then. Two thirds of everyone we met during our trip could kick our asses."

" **So long as you are aware of it. Just make sure not to destroy the castle. Speaking from experience, humans tend to get irrationally irritated at things that destroy important buildings of theirs."** Kurama's eyes darted to the side as if just noticing something. **"You best hurry. Zabuza is getting close to his targets."**

"Yeah yeah. Keep your fur on. I'm wounded here." Naruto grunted as he shook his body loose again before holding a hand out in front of him.

Without making any seals, a large gash appeared on the palm of his hand, causing his blood to weep from it…

o. o. o.

With Zabuza:

"You made it faster than I expected." The shinobi holding Koyuki at knifepoint mused casually as the three powerhouses erupted onto the beach and landed. If he or any of the sixty odd chakra armor wearing shinobi there were intimidated by the massive wave they were travelling on or the fact that said wave had virtually melded back into the man's sword, they didn't show it.

"Wonderful. We're dealing with a cliché artist." The Demon of the Hidden Mist rolled his eyes, not at all bothered by the current odds or the fact that the leader of Spring was a few millimeters from having her jugular from being ripped open. "By all means, let me play along. Ahem. Oh no. You coward. How could you think of taking a hostage? You bastards."

"And you wonder why they don't send you on any more negotiation missions that actually matter." Haku glared at the man before making a sweep of their enemy, their numbers, and how to deal with the current situation.

"Heh. Looks like you finally developed a sense of humor Zabuza." A large man stepped forward, his large scarred arms and face uncovered for the world to see. In all honesty he reminded Haku of a less clothed and hairier version of Ibiki. "Pity you didn't have that around when Yagura-sama was still in charge. Probably would have livened things up more."

"Nagashi. Long time." The swordsman nodded before stabbing his sword into the sand. It was a mixed sign that anyone from Kiri recognized: Whenever a member of the Seven Swordsman put their blade away like that, it meant that they either were not going to charge at you with their tools of mass destruction, or that they were seconds away from using ninjutsu to tear you apart. "You still into that bloodline mutant bullshit I see. With Yagura gone I would have thought that you would have finally gotten off of your knees and your head out of your ass by now."

"You know him?" Haku frowned.

"He was one of the leading voices in the bloodline purges." Mei grimaced, looking around to see many faces that she unfortunately recognized. "A rather competent jonin too. In fact I recognize a good number of the shinobi here from the civil war. This doesn't bode well."

"We shared a few drinks before I tried my hand at being Mizukage." The swordsman shrugged. "Had a few one night stands with his sister if I remember correctly. Hey Nagashi! What happened to Naomi?"

"Your mutant fuck buddy melted her to slag a month before killing Yagura." The rebel grunted with a heated glare at the Mizukage.

The woman shrugged without guilt and with a sultry shameless smirk. "And that's surprising how? I melted more than a few hearts and bodies to get to where I am. Did you really think I got the hat simply by bending over and whispering sweet nothings into the ears of a few lonely boys and girls?"

She didn't miss the skeptical looks she got from Haku and Zabuza at her statement. So what if she did a bit of experimenting while on the job? She was under a lot of stress at the time and needed some productive release time! It worked in the end, didn't it?

"All the more reason why you aren't fit to wear it. Kiri's a joke with a freak whore at its head." Snorted a masked woman with a very generous amount of her cleavage showing. No one bothered to point out the obvious to her, it was too easy.

"Oi, I'm sure you Kiri fanatics have a bunch of fun and lovely things to catch up on, but some of us don't give a damn about that shit." Another shinobi grunted. This one was far stockier than what was normally expected out of their kind. He had a wide frame, thick arms and legs but not overly so, and a good deal of hair growing where his skin was visible. He nodded to the Spring Daimyo without turning his head. "Some of us want to deal with our prize in case you have forgotten."

"What about the Yuki!?" Shouted another shinobi with a similar, if not slightly less beefy build. "She's the one that was in the group that took down Dotou-sama!"

Haku frowned. "So this is a joint effort. Remnants of those who condemn bloodline users, and the regime of the previous Snow Daimyo. I was curious as to why so many of them wore chakra armor."

"How interesting." Mei mused as she eyed the enemy. "No wonder they are so confident."

A cry of pain caught their attention as the hostage's arm was twisted harshly behind her back. "Now now. We can't lose sight of the situation now can we?" The man holding her smirked sadistically. "Not after all the effort we put into getting here."

"You bastards. Let her go. You will not get away with this. Justice will prevail. Evil will fail." Zabuza spoke as if he was a robot speaking from a script. Obviously he was not in the mood to play along and, as expected it was starting to bug the opposing party. "In the name of the Log I shall punish you…"

"Take this seriously you dog!"

"Why, generic evil doer number thirty seven?" The borderline mechanical voice asked.

_The sad thing is that it's still better acting compared to some of the people I've worked with._ The ruler slash actress thought to herself bitterly before wincing as the knife to her neck jolted momentarily, drawing a little blood. She knew she was in a terrible position and she might die, but at the moment there was nothing she could do that wouldn't make things worse for herself. The best she could do was play the hostage, which was fortunately she had experience with doing on and off the screen. _Well at the very least the bastard holding me actually cleaned himself and isn't dry humping me like some of those shits on set when we do scenes like this… professional my insured ass…_

"Come now Zabuza, you are more than aware of the repercussions should Lady Kazahana here perish in tonight's activities." A woman with tattoos all up her arms drawled on confidently. "Even if you did manage to kill us all afterwards, the political backlash alone would cause Kiri a good deal of problems. Maybe even start up a new war. Mei- _sama_ hasn't been in charge for long after all. Who knows how many people are keeping an eye on her. Messing up a big trading deal like this would definitely cost her some points with the Land of Water's Daimyo."

"Yes, however you should also realize the situation you find yourselves in." Mei aridly sighed, not at all losing her composure and instead leaking a good deal of her killing intent at the enemy, unsettling them. Much like Zabuza's, her intent was of that of a crimson hunter, slowly stalking their prey and letting everyone known that she savored every tantalizing and drawn out moment of it. "Lady Kazahana's life is the only thing that is currently preventing us from, how did you put it? Ah yes, turning you all into slag. If you are fortunate that is."

"There's a reason why I don't piss her off idiots." The swordsman shook his head mockingly. _And it isn't because she great in the sack. Woman can kill a person by melting them from the inside out for hours on end and they'd be helpless to do anything about it._

"We don't care about your tramp of a leader. We have our own to deal with and she's already in our hands." The stocky shinobi snorted while nodding his head towards the Daimyo. "She isn't dead yet, so obviously we have plans for her when we leave this humid ass island. There are a bunch of changes that need to be done that your kind has no place in."

"Watch it northerner." Snorted the woman with tattoo arms. "Unlike your kind, we don't need your armor to fight."

"Oh good god they are actually doing this now." The swordsman groaned under his breath. He'd probably make a slightly bigger show about it and probably spur it on, but he could see that despite the show happening in front of him, half of the enemy in front of him was still focused completely on his group like competent and trained shinobi.

"Focus you children!" Snapped a middle aged woman. "Swing your tiny prick's among yourselves when we aren't dealing with the bloody Mizukage."

"Well, we couldn't hope for everything to go our way." Haku sighed with sarcasm.

"Regardless of our current situation, it appears as though we are in an agreement." Nagashi snorted as he and the group began to slowly move away from the Mizukage and her group.

The woman with tattoos on her arms slammed her arms on the ground, causing a massive line of seals extend horizontally across the beach from ocean to the forest between the two parties and cause the air above it to ripple dangerously. "This beauty was set up a good while ago. It's strong enough to hold even freaks like you for a good while. You didn't think that we'd actually come to some random location did you?"

"Given how half-assed you all look, yeah, I did." Zabuza frowned while inspecting the barrier technique. He'd probably figure a way to shatter or get around the thing sooner or later, however…

The enemy started to back away slowly while moving to the water. "If you don't want the Daimyo to die, you'll let us-"

The man was interrupted as the air in the area seemed to drop so fast it their surroundings seemed to flash freeze. It didn't matter if there was a barrier between the two groups or not as it did nothing to stop natural phenomena from occurring and nature from reacting. Every inch of ocean water frozen at rapid speeds converted the following inch and so on down the shore of the beach going on for nearly five hundred feet in every direction solidified…

And then the edge of the beach erupted in a giant ice wall fifty feet tall, preventing anyone from escaping to the ocean.

It also conveniently killed the dozen or so shinobi that had been hiding in the water that had been looking for an opening to kill the Mizukage and her compatriots.

The woman's barrier was good at preventing raw chakra from crossing its lines, probably attacks and people as well, however it did nothing to prevent chakra from being naturally channeled among focuses that already spanned across its borders.

… Haku was always better than him at solving puzzles.

One glimpse at the thing was enough for those there to tell that it was far too tall for most shinobi to be able to jump over, and it would take a while to get around if they tried to escape to sea.

No one bothered to bring up the seemingly inconspicuous looking boat floating a couple of miles off the coast.

"Yeeeah. Nooo." Zabuza drawled with his arms crossed and his sword still embedded in the sand, not at all impressed with Haku's display of power. On some unseen signal, several copies of him walked out of the forest behind the group with their weapons drawn. Clones were so damn useful it hurt sometimes. Mostly his enemies. Given from what he saw of the barrier, he could probably break through with one good blow, but it would take him a bit to set up. "How about this? You drop the woman and I'll try to make sure you die without feeling anything. I can't speak for the lovely ladies with me unfortunately."

"And by all means, do try to send some of you to stall us. I've been quite interested in taking out some of my frustration on the ones responsible of ruining my vacation." Mei smiled pleasantly, sending shivers down almost everyone's spines.

"And running with a hostage is quite difficult and time consuming." Haku observed thoughtfully while looking at the wall she made. Upon closer look, one would notice that its sides were made of rectangular panels. Anyone who knew of what she could do BEFORE going to Konoha could tell what she was planning to do as soon as the fighting started. Walking slowly to the wall, more than a few people noticed that the sand under her feet froze on contact as if it was only the most natural thing to do.

"Everyone on guard!" Shouted Nagashi as he took out a pair of kunai. "We still have the barrier and there are only clones in our way!" The chakra levels in the area began to grow palpable as everyone began to prepare to use ninjutsu. "Zabuza! I won't warn you again! Let us go or the Daimyo dies!"

The larger group of shinobi slowly got into position. The majority of the kidnappers were between Koyuki and the Kiri-nin or the clones Zabuza made, however there were a good number facing the wall Haku had made in case she had anything set up from that angle.

In short, nobody was facing Koyuki or the man holding her personally.

Zabuza's plan had been simple. He did not stick Kubikirihochou into the ground to make a point, but to channel and force the water inside of it underneath everyone without anyone being the wiser. While everyone was focused on what was happening around them, he would simply choose one from a wide range of options available to him including but not limited to making a clone to kill the kidnapper, flooding the entire area with water, making spears of water to kill the kidnapper, or something else along those lines.

True the man was wearing chakra armor and thus he would have to be especially sure that he killed the man before he gave the woman the red smile, but he was fairly certain that he was up to the challenge. What kind of assassin would he be if he couldn't get around a strong defense and kill his target without alerting the people standing two meters away from every direction?

When that happened, Haku would use her speed from being shot out of her mirrors on the wall she made to get to the Daimyo before anything happened to her, get her out of harm's way…

And then he and Mei would murder them all gleefully like the sadists they were.

However that did not happen because before he did anything someone beat him to the punch.

While everyone was slowly preparing for their opening move, it happened. Due to the fact that only Haku, Mei, and Zabuza were facing his direction, they were the only ones to see the mouth of the man holding Koyuki get covered with a suddenly materialized fingerless gloved hand, much to the hostage's and their surprise.

Likewise they had trouble keeping their body language the same as the man's body silently struggled for less than half a second before stiffening with a jolt and then going slack without harming the woman in his arms at all. The clouded gaze in his eyes was all they needed to tell that he had been murdered.

However their self control was really put to the test as slowly the furry fingerless gloved hand over where the now clearly dead man's mouth was, was soon accompanied by an arm, a body, another arm holding the hand that was gripping the kunai against Koyuki's neck, and soon…

The troll faced smiling head of Naruto Uzumaki leering from behind his target back at them, standing in the middle of at least five dozen shinobi without any of them being the wiser.

"… Kill. Him." Zabuza growled darkly under his breath as the grip on his sword became painful to even look at. Given the glacial stare that Haku was giving him, she was thinking something along similar lines. Had they not been so utterly pissed off at the Uzumaki, they would have admitted that what he had done was rather impressive all things considered.

Before anyone on the other side of the barrier were the wiser, the murdering jester wove around his target without making a sound in an instant so that he was standing in front of Koyuki with his arms around her and the assailant's knife no longer at her neck… and the pair disappeared, allowing the murdered man to finally drop to the ground with nothing to support it.

The results were instant.

At the sound of the body hitting the ground, all of the shinobi that were closest to it jumped away on reflex while turning around on guard, only to see their hard earned prize was gone and their comrade was dead.

You could actually see what was going through most of their minds as their faces raced from shock to confusion to disbelief to realization to absolute fear, the latter being accompanied with them turning back to the Mizukage's entourage with pale expressions and trembling bodies.

"You do realize that we are going to have to accost you most grievously when this is over, don't you?" Haku's tone was as cold as her ninjutsu, however she did not turn away from her prey as the person she was talking to along with the former hostage faded into view right behind her.

"Nice to see you too Haku-nee." The Jinchuriki snickered, clearly amused by her irritation. "Seeing as you're pretty pissed, I think I'll just watch those poor shmucks take the brunt of your anger… from way back here… where it's safe… with Koyuki in between us… who you don't want to die."

"Three years and the only thing different about you is your height." The Daimyo scoffed sarcastically. "At least your ability to come through in a pinch hasn't gone rusty."

"Lady I will chuck you back in there if you keep that sass up. Don't think I won't."

"But then you won't have your essential meat shield to protect you will you?" The woman asked in a dry tone, completely unbecoming of one of her rank but perfectly acceptable for anyone dealing with the blonde.

"... Well played. Well played indeed. No wonder the fox likes you."

"The fox…" Koyuki frowned before looking back at the castle. Even from their distance from it, she could see the signs of battle near the front still going on. "Naruto, what about the royal family and the enemies back at the castle?"

"Them? Pshhh." Naruto waved off her concerns without a second thought. "Who do you think I am? I'm crazy, not irresponsible. I took care of that before I left. It's all under control."

o. o. o.

In the Castle:

Dozens of broken and crushed bodies littered the hallways leading up to the top floor and the stairs. The beaten, dead, and defeated were sprawled all over the place in no particular order. The hallways soaked and bloody. The walls shattered and thrashed. Truly it was the image of a horrendous one sided battle…

However the most traumatizing aspect of the scene to many of the survivors was…

"How much longer is this going to take Pa?! I still have dinner cooking in the kitchen! I'll have to start from scratch at this rate!"

"Good god woman give me some peace! Every time we get summoned you happen to be making dinner! It's noon? You're making dinner! Ten at night? You're making dinner! Four fifty two in the morning?! YOU'RE MAKING DINNER!"

… The two elderly toads there that would not shut up and stop arguing.

"Uh… Hikairu nervously swallowed as he and his family and Karenbana hid in the kitchen, which was guarded by a three meter tall red toad in a vest.

"It's best if you don't get their attention kid." Kamakichi winced as Pa literally tore three more invaders in half with a high pressure stream of water without turning his attention off of his wife. "Trust me on this. It's safer that way."

"YOU ARE A HORRIBLE HUSBAND! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN COMPLIMENTED ME ON MY LOOKS IN NEARLY A HUNDRED YEARS!"

"WHAT'S THERE TO COMPLIMENT?! YOU'VE BEEN LITERALLY NOTHING BUT WRINKLES FOR NEARLY HALF A MILLENNIA!"

"GASP! YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU OLD FOSSIL!"

"WE'RE THE SAME AGE!"

"Hey brother!" An equally large but slightly fatter clueless as always yellow toad called out to his brother from the pantry behind the humans. "These guys have a lot of good stuff in here! You should have some!"

"Now now Gamatatsu! The Elders are going at it again and Naruto-nii asked us to keep them alive no matter what!" The red toad snapped frantically at his little brother before ducking as Ma violently whipped another unfortunate human around with her tongue and crushing his spine against the nearby wall… along with the wall, before flinging the body out of the window.

"Ow…" The yellow toad muttered as he watched the body disappear. "That looked like it hurt."

"That's it. I give up." Karenbana muttered to herself. "I'm on the straight and narrow from now on. It's safer that way if the good guys have nuts like this on their side."

"Amayo… please promise me we won't end up like that." Michiru whimpered as he saw the two elders fight while murdering anyone who came up the stairs without hesitation.

"I promise…" His wife swallowed heavily. "… Though to be fair dear… I don't think you'd ever manage to put up a good fight against me…"

Lying at the end of the other side of the hall, Kurama tried to sleep. **"Sometimes I desire to commit mass genocide simply for the sake of the betterment of the world… and I come to truly hate my existence."**

o. o. o.

Back with the main character:

"Tooooootally under control." Naruto grinned confidently just as the body Ma threw out the window crashed limply into the sand less than five meters away from him.

"All right. That's it. I'm done with this shit." Zabuza grunted as his chakra and presence spiked tremendously, forming the full image of a twenty meter tall demon towering above everyone there. As expected, everyone save for Naruto and Haku instantly went on guard, expecting any and everything to happen."Haku."

"Yes." The Temperature in the area dropped considerably to the point that everyone's breath was now visible and the sea water that wasn't already frozen near the girl condensed almost instantly.

The ground beneath the enemy began to shake ominously. "Fuck em."

"Done."

Without any seals or warning, the partially frozen sand beneath the sixty odd shinobi behind the barrier erupted like a fifty foot wide geyser with the water Zabuza had poured underneath them earlier, launching each and every one of the poor fools in virtually every direction except ironically theirs due to the barrier in the way.

Once the massive spout of water had broken and spread its contents all around, the Yuki got to work and seemed to flash freeze the water in front of her with ease, momentarily doubling the screams of pain, surprise, and rage there before rendering them silent.

All but five of their targets had been taken out by the swift combination, of which included the burly man from Dotou's regime, the woman who made the barrier, and Nagashi, and they were currently being preoccupied with the clones that Zabuza had set up earlier.

"You can have the rest of them Mei." The swordsman glanced at the Mizukage before walking to the invisible wall with sword in hand. Without so much as hesitating, he raised the weapon above his head and began to gather the water stored inside of it around its body, however its size did not change much, giving it a peculiar second skin of watery membrane several inches thick.

Despite what others may have been able to see however, the fact of the matter was that the man had just poured and condensed several hundred gallons of water into the small membrane, giving his tool tremendous crushing potential. Thanks to the fact that all the water stored in his sword was saturated with his chakra, he could control it all fairly easily. Not nearly as well as Gaara and his Sand or Naruto with his air, but still far easier than most.

His casual swing belied the power it held as it shattered through the powerful barrier with little trouble and subsequently created a tremendous fissure in the ice pillar in front of him. The people that were still alive and not occupied made some effort to ignore the flying chunks of frozen bodies that sprayed in every and all directions.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a blonde idiot to murder."

"Oh come on! Are you really going to blame this stuff on me!? Seriously?!" The manchild hiding behind Koyuki shouted in almost disbelief. Almost.

"You mean you honestly think that you don't in some bizarre way?" The Daimyo didn't bother to look around at him as she watched Zabuza and Haku walk slowly to her direction.

"… Ok you have a point, but still give me a break here! I just woke up twenty minutes ago!"

"Nope." Zabuza replied with a dead look in his eyes as he began to lazily swing his weapon from side to side, creating more fissures in the sand in the process. "You gonna die fox boy."

"And I'll bring you back… eventually." Haku spoke with as much ominous undertone as she held a very unhealthy number of ice senbon in front of her face.

Now, one must remember several things about Naruto's current predicament. He was weak. His body was shot. He was low on chakra. He was about to be horrifically hurt by two very powerful shinobi both in peak condition that were familiar with how he generally fought, which combined with his current physical state, would make the oncoming experience hurt even more. No one was going to help him. And…

He had just spent the last three years with GHOST.

Which is why the time travelers there really should have expected something of similar nature of what happened next to occur…

Without warning, Naruto wrapped his hands around Koyuki's stomach and placed his hands on her stomach, and squeezing it as if feeling for something. "Seeing as I'm about to die horrifically I might as well say this now… Lady, you're letting yourself go. You were way lighter when I was running with your spoiled ass from that train back when we first met."

Keep in mind that Koyuki Kazahana was a woman who had been in the acting business for the majority of her life, and more importantly starred in many films. Even after she took control over Spring Country, she still pursued her acting career with a professional mindset, albeit not as much as before. That being the case, the condition of her body was and has always been one of the things she had been careful of and monitored daily. She ate very calculated diets. She worked out every day. She made sure that she never got sick…

So given all that, it's not difficult to expect that her immediate borderline reflexive reaction to someone squeezing the "fat" on her stomach and calling her overweight would be a savage right hook underneath the little scrub's chin.

It also helped that the target managed to adjust his body at the last moment so that the blow would hit his chin in just the right way to jolt his head, causing him to pass out from the blow almost instantly.

_Ahh sweet unconscious bliss. Envelop me in your loving embrace and protect me from the harm that is reality… ow._

o. o. o.

Justu List:

Invisible Black: B rank Nin-taijutsu, Offensive.

Description: Originally created by an underground blood sport fighter, this technique's greatest strength is the speed at which it can be unleashed.

The technique is enacted by clasping the user's fist into his other hand, and creating a chakra blade of any type between them before separating them at the enemy, drawing the blade originating from the first hand much like a samurai's drawing technique. The whipping motion of the arms snaps the chakra blade out at speeds that are dependent on the user's drawing speed. At its fastest, the blade can easily surpass the sound barrier and tear through human flesh, bone, and other hard materials.

This technique can further be enhanced by the user's chakra nature, which enable different side effects. In case of Wind Elementalists, the cutting power and general range of Invisible Black is greatly enhanced, and the user is able to create multiple parallel blades with one drawing.

"The Set"

Unranked Wind Nin/Genjutsu (Seventh Sense Required), Supplementary

Description: The Set is a number of wind based nin/genjutsu that when combined provide the user with borderline perfect cloaking. Each individual technique can be considered C or B rank, and prevents the user from being seen, heard, smelt, disturbing air currents, and even the user's chakra signature respectively, rendering the user nearly impossible to detect by most sensory techniques and bloodline abilities.

Naruto has mastered all the techniques that make up "the set" save for the most complicated one, which matches his heat signature to whatever is behind him to the sensor.

There are weaknesses to "The Set" however, primarily is that anything the user touches must also be rendered under its veil, else the bodypart touching it will be visible due to the fact that light is unable to be bent around it to maintain its cloaking. Also, it will be disrupted if the user utilizes high power jutsu, and jutsu in general used by him run the risk of exposing his location. Also, it takes some focus and time in order to set it up, so it is not very applicable in fast paced battles where there is little cover.

o. o. o.

A/N:

DONE!

Honestly, this chapter kept on fighting me. I know it's been a while, but FFD, work, and grad school have been destroying me lately.

New Jersey… don't drink the water. Just don't.

So yeah, Naruto has Invisible Black from Deadman wonderland. Totally great.

I know this chapter was more of a filler, but it needed to be done for several reasons later. The fight scenes here were meh, I admit, but trust me, the next chapter will be epic.

So if any of you don't know, there's been a character page made on the YAWALEH tvtropes page and it needs a lot of lovin. I did pretty much all of the oogakari, but I really don't have the time to focus on the others, so please give it LOVE!

(SMACK)

Sorry. Disgaea D2. Yeah.

Oh. Also, I did a little Q and A for the Deviantart group page and gave a little history and explanation of True Gods and the Oogakari and stuff like that. Check it out if you want.

So that's about it for now. I'll try to get the next one out soon, but work really is kicking my ass lately.

Let's try to get to 1k reviews in by chapter 7 people! We are on a roll!

So Review! Worship the Log! Trololololol lololol lololol Hahahahahaaaaa! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Six: Where Naruto finally shows off some of his skills for the readers, but still ends up on the short end of the luck stick because his misery is what truly saves the world in the end. Or that's what I use as my excuse at least.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With the Main Character:

The first thing Naruto noticed when he regained consciousness was that his body was freezing cold.

… _If I open my eyes and find out that Ero-Nii stole my organs for some extra cash and left me in another ice filled bathtub again, I'm gonna shank the first not important bastard I get my hands on…_

"Wake up idiot. Your breathing changed." A rough yet familiar voice drilled into his skull, pulling him further into the land of the living and unfortunately aware.

"Za?" The blonde muttered as he blearily opened his eyes and tried to wipe them with his hands, only to find that his entire body was encased in ice. He looked down at himself and his prison in mild confusion before giving what one could only interpret as a shrug. "… Eh. At least my organs are still here this time."

"Any idea what he means by that?" An eyepatched man with blue hair asked with a frown to Zabuza and Haku. If memory serves right, he was that stuck up dick who tried to order him around right after he took down the Sanbi. All in all he looked like a stickler for the rules, authority, and regulations. An easy and very tempting shanking target.

"Don't care. Don't know. And most likely don't want to know." Zabuza replied without taking his eyes off of the other jinchuriki in the room. "Fox?"

" **I'm just here to make sure he doesn't get himself killed again. I still need his existence for the moment."** The very much free and aloof Kurama yawned from the corner behind his container.

"For the record, I am interpreting that as you agreeing with me." The swordsman nodded, though filed away the fact that the fox said _killed again_ for later.

"As amusing as your banter has proven to be, I believe that we must get back onto topic." Mei spoke up with a gentle smile.

"Huh…" Naruto looked at everyone in the room. Including the Mizukage, Zabuza, Haku and Kurama, he was also surrounded by Michiru, Hikairu, Amayo, all four of the summons, Koyuki, and several random guards that he didn't really notice or care about (including Ao, Suigetsu, and Chojuro). "… Is this an intervention? Because it really feels like the beginning of one."

" **If only that would even work."** The fox sarcastically snorted with his eyes closed.

"We're here to talk to you." Pa spoke up as he sat on top of Gamakichi while Ma was on Gamatatsu. "Since things have finally calmed down, everyone thought that now would be good to actually get some serious conversation in."

"Mmm." Ma nodded. "You're always so energetic Naruto-chan. We really should have one of these meetings as soon as you got back. Besides, it's been so long and the first thing you do when you call us again is because you got yourself into more trouble. Such a tiresome child."

"Can we have snacks?" Gamatatsu spoke up. "I'm hungry."

"… Huuuuuunnnngggrrryyyy." The trapped jinchuriki wept, once again reminded of his lack of nourishment…

Whack!

… Until Ma's tongue shot out and nailed him in the forehead loudly and with enough speed to only be seen by the shinobi in the room.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!"

"Naruto-chan. It would be best if you curbed your joking around for the moment." Pa frowned. "There are too many important humans around for you to do what you normally do."

"What do you mean?" The blonde frowned with his cheeks puffed out childishly. "Koyuki and Michiru already know what I'm like." He quickly looked at the mentioned "normal" people. "Hi, by the way. Long time no see. You look great." He turned back to the toads. "Then there's you guys. As for these people from Kiri… yeah I got nothing on them."

"It would be best if you watched your tongue boy." Ao stepped forward and gestured to Mei. "Do you know whose presence you are currently in?"

Naruto looked at the Mizukage for a moment and then shrugged. "Clearly someone vastly more important than you, but otherwise no. Not that it matters since someone's going to explain it to me regardless in the next ten seconds."

Suigetsu snorted. "Heh. He's got you there patches."

"She's the Mizukage." Chojuro spoke up. "Mei Terumi."

"The Mizukage?" The blonde blinked as he looked at her with interest. "So you're the one that's holding Zabuza's second leash?"

"Second leash?" Mei blinked in confusion, not noticing her boyfriend reaching for his sword slowly.

"Yep. I've heard you have him whipped good, but back home everyone knows he's Scab's bit-" The grinning teen was interrupted as the Demon of the Hidden Mist swung down his massive sword so that the hole near the top was around his neck.

"… You're making this really hard for me to be happy about you being back. You realize that right?" The Assassin growled murderously.

Haku frowned as she felt that something was off. It was faint, but she could tell that Zabuza could feel it as well from how his neck and body were tensed up. A brief look around the room told her that Mei, Ao, and the elder Toads were the only ones who caught onto it too.

Naruto rolled his eyes, clearly not as worried about being decapitated as everyone else in the room. "Tch. Yeah, but if I wasn't doing that you'd be worried that I REALLY went off the deep end while I was gone, wouldn't you? Besides. YOU? HAPPY?"

"He's got a point there." Suigetsu muttered out loud. ""Zabuza" and "happy" are never in the same sentence unless the word "massacre" or "torture" is in it as well."

The two stared one another down for several moments before the aggressor removed his weapon. "I hate it when you used that fucked up logic of yours."

"You know you missed it."

"As much as watching you two bicker amuses me, I believe we must focus on more important issues." Mei spoke up calmly. "Such as what we are supposed to make of you Uzumaki-kun. You are after all, a rather high profile individual these days."

"S Raaaaaank." The blonde hissed out as if he was trying to be cool and low key.

"Naruto. I will only warn you once." Haku spoke up. "If you let your threat status get in the way of our talk, I will not be generous in how cold I make my ice like I am now. Test me and you might lose something important."

To drive her point home, the girl smiled innocently as she began to lower the temperature of the frozen water encasing her friend gradually while maintaining eye contact and smiling innocently.

It didn't take long for the trapped teen's face to take on a slightly blue shade and his breath to be visible. "Gah! Cold! Cold! I give! I give! You win! Please stop with the freezing of my body and the potential permanent damaging of unspecified body parts! I need those for doing things and stuff!"

_Welcome to the club._ Suigetsu sighed, knowing exactly what Naruto was going through via personal experience.

"I see." Mei mused out loud with a not so subtle smirk on her face. "So you are also one of those types that need a firm hand to manage."

"I'm personally baffled that such an undisciplined child could manage to gain the power to have the reputation he does." Ao snorted before looking at Kurama with his good eye.

The fox ignored the man. Many greater men have assumed as much about his container, no doubt crediting his strength and success to his status as a Jinchuriki, and a good number of them have suffered for such shallow logic.

"Of course an idiot like you would think that." Zabuza shot down Ao's statement, much to everyone's surprise. The man was not exactly the type to stand up for others. Ever since he had removed his weapon, he had not taken his eyes off of the Uzumaki. "Oi toads. How much longer do you have? We can deal with your stuff first so you can go back."

"Long enough, but not as much as we would like." Pa grunted. Out of everyone in the room, he was the one that knew Naruto the longest, time travel included, and every time he saw the boy he could not help but marvel at the child's improvement.

"We would have had longer if you kids would just keep quiet when he woke up." Ma grumbled under her breath.

"Kids?" Ao scoffed, clearly not used to being talked to as if he was five. "I have you know that…"

"Stuff it. Those two geezers are nearly ten times older than the hidden villages." The senior swordsman interrupted him. "Even I know better than to challenge them when they have something important to talk about. You don't take the word of an elder summon lightly and expect to live. They're just as dangerous as boss summons."

Everyone who didn't know of that fact before turned to the two Sages in disbelief. Even the Mizukage had trouble holding back her reaction.

"Ten times?" Chojuro whispered. "They're nearly a thousand years old?"

"Don't be silly dear." Ma blushed, always embarrassed when talking about her age to others while not arguing with her husband. "I'm only a shade over eight hundred."

"Focus Ma. We are nearly out of time." Pa frowned before turning to Naruto, whose complexion had returned from white blue to a healthier albeit still somewhat pale color. "Naruto-chan. Why aren't you back in Konoha? I thought that you of all people would be spending a good deal of time back in the village with your friends."

"Hmm." The trapped teen looked to the side as if pondering how to say what he wanted. "Yeah, sorry about that Pa, but I just really needed a good long vacation for the time being. Travelling around with Ero-Ni for almost three years can get a bit… stressful, if you get what I mean. I need some time to myself and clear my head a bit." He smiled sheepishly. "Actually I summoned you to ask you a favor. If Ero-Senin asks you for help to find or reverse summon me, can you kinda… not? Please?"

"Who the hell is Ero-Senin?" Suigetsu whispered to Chojuro, asking what was on most of the human's minds.

"He's talking about Jiraiya." Zabuza grunted. "You know, the only other person that can summon toads?"

"He calls one of the Sanin Ero-Senin?" Chojuro paled. "He must have a death wish."

"Why would you ask that?" Mei asked curiously, ignoring her subordinates talk amongst themselves. "Certainly Konoha knows about your travels and where you are going correct? It would be most embarrassing for someone of your significance to go walking around as such."

" **Zabuza clearly has not told you much about him then."** Kurama snorted with dry amusement.

"Yeah… I kinda ditched Ero-nii as soon as we were in the area and have been just exploring all over for the past couple of weeks… minus the time I was unconscious here of course." The blonde shrugged.

"Dare I ask how you managed to get away from Ghost-san so easily?" Haku hesitantly questioned.

"Ero-ni REALLY doesn't like Chinese food."

"Of course."

Ao snorted. "I am astounded that you stay with Konoha, Zabuza. If a child like this is a product of their system then I don't know how they can manage to get things done, let alone keep their men in check."

Looking around however, he noticed that all the non shinobi and those that outranked him in the room didn't seem to agree as they looked at him with distaste.

"Counting today, he has saved my life on at least three separate occasions." Koyuki stated factually and politely. "Forgive me if I do not share the same impression as you do Shinobi-san."

"He was in charge of my guard for over three months while I was travelling the continent." Michiru frowned. "His personality is one thing, however even I could tell that he is more than capable."

"Keep talking Ao." Zabuza shook his head. "All the more reason to laugh at your funeral."

Mei recalled just a few hours earlier when the boy seemingly fazed into existence and rescued Koyuki from the middle of all those men. Even she would admit that what he had managed took a certain level of skill to pull off. Her eyes turned once again to the boy who she acknowledged as a credible threat, crying passionately. "I will have to agree with the majority Ao. Do be silent or I will make you."

"I… I feel so loved. After so long people are recognizing that I'm more than just a pretty face."

"Don't push it." Haku evenly retorted. "I'll tell Hinata that you felt up Koyuki-sama if you do."

"Yes ma'am."

"Why not go back to Myobokuzan if you are so tired?" Ma asked. "You know we're more than happy to house you there for as long as you need to Naruto-chan. It wouldn't take you long to get used to being back home with us again." She didn't mention his Sage training. That alone was on a need to know basis.

"Thanks but no thanks Ma." Naruto smiled peacefully. "I wanna take my break to go exploring the continent for a while and just talk to people and random strangers. You know, normal stuff."

_And normal does not include talking to toads or surviving off of nothing but the world's cleanest swamp water and sickeningly huge bugs. I'm tweaked but I'm not that off in the head._

"And how long do you intend to do this?" Pa frowned. "You know better than most of what is going to happen soon."

"It's happening already." The blonde corrected factually, causing those in the know to frown momentarily. The fact that he could say such a thing so calmly was somewhat concerning. "However it's better if I'm still nowhere to be found at the moment. Eh, but to answer your question, I'm probably gonna go back regardless in about a month or two. There are a few places I wanna check out before then."

" **That and you wish to make the casino owners here lament your existence some more."** Kurama smirked.

"Yes. That is true. I came here for the sole purpose of getting loads of money legally and making grown men cry doing their jobs. It. Shall. Be. Glorious." The jinchuriki's evil laugh sent shivers down everyone's spine before he winced. "Ow… but before that I apparently have to get my body back to speed. Freaking bed cramps."

"That's right. You should still be recovering from what you went through." Ma frowned and turned to Haku. "Girl. Let him go. That's no way to treat the injured."

The ice user bowed apologetically. "You are indeed correct Lady Sage, however while Naruto doesn't feel it due to the lower temperatures, I have designed this particular ice prison of mine to have a small healing factor for those inside. It was made to transport the injured who were otherwise in no condition to be moved."

"How can I be transported if I'm anchored to the ground?" Naruto raised an eyebrow skeptically, only to pause as the bottom layer of ice to his prison separated him from the ground, enabling him to float lazily a few inches off the ground. "… Ah… neat."

"Don't you mean cool?" Suigetsu smirked at the bad pun.

"... Boy I will bean you upside your waterlogged head with my awesome frozen body casing of pain if more fail comes out of your mouth." The time traveler stared back at him seriously.

"What are you-"

"FAIL!"

The bloodthirsty teen blinked in disbelief. "This coming from the idiot who is frozen up to his neck?"

"FAAAAAAIIIIIILLLL!" The blonde hissed leering now and hissing like Orochimaru while he somehow began to float much higher into the air like he was some sort of demonic and psychotic head attached to a pile of ice.

And then Haku slammed him back to the ground again, shaking the room slightly.

"Gah! Damn it Haku that hurt! Is that any way to treat the injured here?!"

Hikairu couldn't help but giggle at Naruto's behavior. Even after all these years he still could act like a complete nut in a serious situation. He didn't notice most of the other adults hearing him and relaxing their guard a tad bit slightly. "Looks like he can fly after all."

"Grandma. Grandpa. Brother. Are we done yet?" Gamatatsu moaned. "I'm getting tired and hungry and itchy."

"You're always tired and hungry Tatsu." Gamakichi retorted, ignoring the fact that he was getting a bit winded from staying in the area where he was summoned for so long. Technically summons could stay as long as they wished, but being away from their natural habitat tended to have a toll on them after a while, especially the bigger and stronger ones. Plus they were on a sea based island and the salt water air didn't really agree with them.

"Hmmm." Pa frowned as he leered at Naruto. Despite his concerns he and the other toads could tell just how powerful their summoner was. They had not once since being called encountered a breath of air that wasn't saturated in the boy's conditioned technique, meaning that should they even try to go into sage mode or use sage chakra they would have to gather it through the earth else the blonde would know exactly what they were doing…

Yet Naruto was still tired and not at his best, so the elder toad turned to the person who had the most to gain and lose from his current predicament and thus the most responsible for what happened next. "Mizukage-dono. What do you plan to do knowing that Naruto-chan is here? Given who and what he is, you no doubt have considered many potential outcomes and actions to the situation."

The woman pouted innocently. "Come now. Please do not look at me so suspiciously honored Sage. While I admit I had expected more from Uzumaki's behavior, I can only see positive nonviolent opportunities from this. What better way to cement the trading agreement between the lands of Water, Moon, and Spring, than with the hero of the latter two presiding over the signing to show the world of Konoha's support of it?"

_I thought that was why I was here._ Zabuza mentally grumbled but kept his mouth shut. He really didn't care one way or another of his reason behind his presence, but he still didn't like being swept under the rug at a whim.

"Trading agreement?" Naruto frowned as he looked around at who was in the room skeptically before putting the pieces together. "… The leaders of two countries and the military head of the third. So the signing is about to take place between a significant new trading route between all three of you… giving you cheaper, protected, and varied access to supplies to and from all parts of the world. Plus this would expand Spring's sale of technology faster via Moon's resources and connections, and Water protects it all for faster access to everything. Interesting… and what exactly is Konoha's role? Zabuza wouldn't be here if the leaf didn't have anything to do with this."

_He's sharp. Far more so than he lets on at face value._ Mei mused as she saw that neither Koyuki nor Michiru were surprised that Naruto got the basic idea behind the deal just by seeing who was there. If anything they seemed to be amused by it. It most likely meant that it was not so infrequent that they thought that such things were flukes.

"Mostly for political support and to potentially extend a hand to Kiri in terms of a more established alliance rather than the mutual ceasefire we have now. However in the fine print the Land of Fire is also allowing a few ports to be used in the deal for better access to the mainland trade circles. It's a good addition, but not significant enough to warrant a high profile individual to come to the main signing. The ink on that particular bit has already dried a few weeks ago. As for the events here, we smile, have a few photos, and then go to our next destinations. We have more to lose than to gain if we attempt to do anything to Uzumaki-san here."

"Yeah I tend to get into lots of situations like that. Sorry. I guess this means that there's going to be more Konoha shinobi at those ports to make sure that Kiri doesn't try anything in them and clearly for no other reason but that." Obviously no one bought that last bit, but they were too smart to challenge it since he was technically right. "I'm just glad that the old bat isn't here. If Baa-chan was here with you, I'd be nothing but a bloody smear on the wall when I first showed up." The teen laughed genuinely.

"Come now. Tsunade-chan might be a bit irritated with you but she wouldn't go that far." Ma chided.

_Wait, he refers to the strongest woman in the world as Grandma?_ Chojuro and Suigetsu blinked in disbelief.

Pa, Zabuza, Haku and Kurama looked at one another skeptically, clearly not sharing her feelings on the subject. Mei and several of the other shinobi there caught onto their looks instantly.

"Well then." Pa coughed, gathering attention back to him. "If that is all you intend to do with him, and so long as Naruto-chan's only plan for here is to abuse the gambling system again…"

"Again?" Chojuro whispered to Suigetsu in confusion.

"… Then I suppose we can take our leave then." He looked at the topic of conversation. "Naruto-chan, we'll keep quiet for now, but only for two months. If you aren't back by then we will force you back if necessary."

"Got ya. Thanks Pa." The teen smiled widely, showing everyone his slightly longer canines.

"Summon us sometime Naruto." Kamakichi smirked. "I have a bunch of neat moves I wanna try with you. I don't wanna be left out of your crazy big fights next time. Dad still gloats with Gamaken and Gamahiro about when you guys took down the Sanbi."

" _ **Hey Zabuza, mind taking out your perfectly justified frustration on that warted little shit?"**_ Isobu asked almost casually from inside his container. _**"My head is still ringing from that last blow those long tongued bastards gave me."**_

"I'm sorry I didn't bring anything with me this time Naruto-chan." Ma apologized. "I'll have something prepped for the next time you come."

"… I'm honestly so hungry that I look forward to it." The Jinchuriki shivered, not knowing if being so famished that he actually wanted Ma's leftovers was another sign of him going off the deep end. "Later."

The four toads nodded before disappearing in a large cloud of smoke.

"So then… what now?" Naruto asked the Mizukage directly.

"Mmm." The woman put on a thoughtful pose. "Well I suppose that we should interrogate you on what happened. Kyubi-dono has been most helpful describing what happened while he was with you, but not of when you left for us. Indeed, how did you manage to reach us so quickly without encountering any enemies?"

"That? Oh, I just glided. It's cheaper in terms of chakra cost than flying." The jinchuriki shrugged, not at all hesitant about revealing some of his secrets. "You guys were at the beach way down there, and the castle is way up here. Almost a straight shot really. Jumped off of the roof and went right over everyone's heads."

"Impossible. You would have to have gone above where we were fighting. I would have sensed you." Ao frowned.

"Well then I guess you aren't as good as you think you are then are you?" The teen stuck out his tongue. "How often do you focus feeling for things at least a hundred feet above your head in the middle of a fight where the entire enemy is ground based?"

"Looks like you're getting rusty Ao." Suigetsu smirked.

Mei donned her coy smile. The boy had neither confirmed nor denied that he might have done something. Indeed what he said may have very well been the reason why Ao didn't detect him, and given from the man's reaction he might have been right, however she had a good suspicion that the energetic teen was hiding the real reason why he wasn't noticed.

She wouldn't push it though. He was a potential valuable ally and so he was allowed to have his own secret or two.

"Mmm. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do agree that you have been behind a desk more than not recently. I should give you a few more active missions to keep you in shape." The Mizukage nodded. Her gaze was matched by Naruto's and for a brief moment she had seen what she had suspected was there, the brief sharp glint of someone who knew damn well what he was doing, yet ensured that he benefitted from his actions at the same time. "However back on topic, I do have another question Uzumaki-san."

"Sure." Naruto acted casual, but his slit eyes didn't leave her this time. Actually, more often than not his eyes were actually closed unless he was expressing himself outrageously. Another thing to note. "Hit me."

"Actually, I was curious as to why you made those comments for Kazahana-dono to do just that." Mei smiled.

"And do tell the truth." Koyuki smiled dangerously. At that moment she was clearly the most lethal person in the room. "I'll have you know that the only weight I have gained since we last met was due to me reaching the peak of adulthood, and as such should not warrant your rather hurtful comments."

"Seriously?" The teen looked at the women as if they were missing something important. "Isn't that obvious? Zabuza and Haku were gonna kill me."

"Is that so? Because they informed me that you merely did something… irrational out of sheer habit."

"So that they didn't kill me." Naruto spoke as if he was stating obvious.

"Knocking you out prevented them from killing you?"

"Can't torture me for stress relief if I'm not awake to feel it." He shrugged. "They were gunning for the slow and painful death approach. I could see it in their soulless hate filled eyes of misery and loathing."

"Unfortunately." Zabuza muttered under his breath.

"Glad to see I could finally serve a purpose in your madness Naruto." Koyuki smiled innocently. "I'm so happy. For a moment there I thought that I might actually have to make you one of my country's blimps to show how grateful we were."

The blonde pouted. "You know that Kakashi-sensei would have torn that thing apart before even seeing me with my hands on one."

"I know. I can only imagine what you would have looked like if you were forced to watch that happen."

"… Now that's just mean."

Before the group could belittle Naruto's integrity some more, someone knocked at the door. "Mizukage-sama. Michiru-sama. Koyuki-sama. The reports on the incident are waiting to be reviewed and there are some survivors that are ready to be interrogated. In addition to that, there are several contacts that are waiting for confirmation of your current status. It appears as if someone sent out messenger hawks prematurely indicating that the Daimyo and their family were captured."

"Ah. I guess we will have to postpone our little talk for later then." Mei sighed, though with little emotion behind it. "Our petty curiosities must be put aside for the sake of our people."

"How annoying." Michiru huffed as he turned to the door which was opened by one of the ANBU that Mei had hidden inside the room. "It's bad enough that they attacked my home and nearly killed everyone, but even after we've won they have still managed to throw things into chaos by them thinking they've won before they even fought."

"A blow from beyond the grave." Koyuki shook her head before pausing. "Hmm. That could be the title of a movie…"

"By Naruto-nii." Hikairu waved as he left the room. "I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Sure. Sounds fun." The teen smiled genuinely. "You can tell me how the guys at the circus are doing when we catch up. Later Michiru. Later… Queen… Michiru's wife… person. Good seeing you again. Still much better than when we had to deal with Shabadahahahaha! Oh god I still can't say that dick's name with a straight face! Hahaha! Honestly who names their kid that?!"

Amayo couldn't help but laugh dryly as her family followed her son. "My name is Amayo Naruto-san. And thank you again for saving my homeland and family. We are in your debt."

"No that's fine. I'm used to dealing with these sorts of things by now." The jinchuriki gave a half hearted shrug. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to make my miraculous escape now. Huurrrk!" He began to flex his muscles in an attempt to break out of the ice, but clearly he wasn't strong enough to do so.

It was understandable considering that the last Haku checked, it took Gai and or Lee at least three gates to break through her stronger ice constructs via sheer brute force.

"Gah." Naruto breathed out loudly as he failed to make due on his word. "Wait. Wait. That was just a warmup. This time I'll hurrrrg!" His face grew red again as he struggled futilely comically against his prison.

"How many men do you have watching the runt?" Zabuza asked Mei as he looked at the blonde teen struggle to break free, puffing out his cheeks in frustration each time and making his face red before giving up and exhaling loudly before repeating the process.

"Afraid your little target will escape?" The Mizukage smiled. "Don't worry. We have a full team keeping an eye on him. He's not going anywhere. Besides, he said it himself, he's too exhausted and weak to be an issue."

"Challenge accepted!"

"Two teams at the least." Haku stated calmly as Naruto struggled again, shaking his head frantically in frustration. "I don't want to take any chances with him Mei-sama. In a fight that might be true, but Naruto-kun has always been rather tricky and creative when he wants to be."

"Oh sweet! I think I have circulation to my fingers again! Progress!"

"Speaking from experience?" Ao asked skeptically.

"I said he almost gelded me didn't I? That was when I first met the little shit, back when he was TWELVE." Zabuza frowned. "Don't underestimate this one."

"No one ever expects the Naruto Inquisition!"

"Wouldn't that have simply been because of the Kyubi in him?" Chojuro asked skeptically as he left the room and eyed the fox that was all but sleeping in the room.

"Fools! You expectations of me requiring aid shall be your undoing!"

"No." Haku shook her head. "He has not used the fox's chakra at all when we first encountered one another. In fact he rarely uses it outside of dire circumstances."

"That's because I'm awesome! Also because using his power itches like nothing else!"

"Personally I'd tell you to put four teams on his ass before I felt remotely sure he wouldn't get out, but we don't have those numbers." The swordsman shrugged. "The furball won't help him out in something like this. Even if they do get along better, it enjoys the brat's suffering too much to do that."

" **Following that logic, I'm should never be without entertainment or a headache."**

"It's totally worth it!"

"I see." Mei frowned as she stopped outside the doors and turned to her assistant. "Ao, Suigetu, keep watch outside the doors in case our guest does try to escape. Between the two of you, Uzumaki-san here should be manageable."

"Fine by me." The younger shrugged. "The nut's really annoying. It'll give me an excuse to cut him up a bit if he pushes it."

"HAH!" Naruto's laugh clearly indicated that he didn't believe Suigetsu would make do with his statement in the slightest.

"I must protest Mizukage-sama." Ao frowned. "I am your aid. Surely there are far more important tasks to put me on than…"

"Keeping an eye on a weakened S ranked foreign shinobi that is all but an iconic hero to the two countries that we are making a deal with in the very near future?" Mei smiled innocently. "Don't worry Ao. Chojuro has been more than helpful in the times you have been away from your desk. I am certain that he will more than be able to do so again this time as well."

"Erk." The man froze, knowing that he was shit out of luck in this argument. "F-fine. Mizukage-sama. Suigetsu and I will stay out here while the ANBU keep watch from inside."

"Sucks to be you, person who I don't care what your name is!" Naruto laughed again as the last of the people left the room and the doors closed. By this point his face was constantly red from his struggling and it appeared as if it wouldn't be long till he burst a vein in his futile efforts.

"His personality does leave much to be desired." The Mizukage frowned as she walked away with her entourage. The two daimyo had already left to perform their own tasks.

"He says what he wants to say… but his thoughts often follow another route." Haku sighed as she made up the rear guard to their group. "Among those that know him, there are few that actually question his judgment. I'm not at all surprised that no one under his command died during the fiasco with Iwa."

"So he's a genius?" Chojuro asked curiously. "I don't see how it can be otherwise considering how young he is."

"Feh. Maybe, but not like most." Zabuza snorted. "Brat's just more creative about stuff. The fox just gave him an out with his stamina and he ups his training via shadow clones when he can. The rest he just runs into face first until he gets it down. He's downright relentless and cold when he wants to be."

"Hmm. I was wondering where you got the idea to use that move for training from." Mei smirked before realizing something and turning to Zabuza. "Dear, do tell me what I am smelling from you."

The look Zabuza gave his lover could not be any drier as he tilted his head to face her directly. "You're going to have to be more specific than that Mei."

The Mizukage's visible eye narrowed. "You make it a habit to erase your scent as frequently as possible after spending so much time with Kakashi Hatake, and yet I detect the faint but distinct smell of blood from you. Seeing as it isn't strong enough as it normally is when you kill someone, I must assume that something else has happened…"

An instant later her hand, which had reached for his face, was grabbed by his own to stop her.

"You know I don't like people doing that." He frowned.

"Raise your head Zabuza." The woman said calmly. "That's an order."

"I'm with the Leaf now. Technically you're not my boss."

"He got you under your chin, didn't he?" Haku noted with a sharp glint in her eyes.

"Who?" Chojuro blinked in confusion, a bit unnerved at the tense atmosphere.

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, the man gave up at hiding his most recent wound and raised his head to show the red stain in the bandages right under his chin and hidden from view. "The blonde shit is better than you think Mei. He's the kind that can flex his claws right in front of your face without you even knowing it just for laughs."

"I was wondering what that feeling I had earlier was." Haku mused as she recalled the slight tingle she sensed just as Zabuza brought his sword down around Naruto's head. In that single moment the blonde had demonstrated that he was more than capable of still defending himself in dire situations without anyone that didn't matter knowing. "I thought that the toads gave up too easily when he asked to be left alone."

"Wh-what?!" Chojuro gaped. "Most of us have trouble just getting a scratch on you, but you're telling me he landed a near lethal blow without anyone knowing while starving and stuck in Haku's ice?"

It was a reasonable reaction. He and the other next generation Seven Swordsmen in training had more than once attempted to fight Zabuza only to end up getting all but maimed every time with their target getting minimal damage every time. Even when they went and tried to gang up on him he had taken them apart with ease when he busted out his mist. He was such a monster that the teens were seriously debating on who would win in an all out fight between him and Kisame.

"Don't be stupid. In a real fight between us there's no way that trick would have worked." The man grunted, already figuring out the mechanics behind his assailant's technique. Simply having his presence out or channeling enough chakra in his body would disrupt the 7th sense around his body enough to prevent blades from forming that close to his body. Wouldn't prevent the brat from sensing him, but nothing was perfect. "Hell, given who we are that might as well be a handshake."

"Well it's a good thing we have a different way of greeting one another, don't we?" Mei smiled with a hint of amusement.

Zabuza wasn't fooled though. He could tell she was a bit tweaked off at him for hiding the brief nonverbal exchange from her and more so that it happened right in front of her and she didn't catch it.

"As much as it makes me curious how we'd go with that, I'd rather not have us attempt to kill one another every time we met." The swordsman snorted. "Your techniques aren't exactly clean to work with."

The Mizukage was about to retort to her lover's comment when she noticed that Haku had stopped. "Is something wrong Haku-chan?"

The ice user simply stood there with a single eyebrow twitching.

"He got away didn't he?" Zabuza deadpanned, clearly not surprised by the turn of events in the slightest.

"Huh?" Chojuro blinked in confusion.

Haku didn't respond, and simply turned around to calmly walk back to the room that they had left not even five minutes earlier.

"Hm?" Suigetsu blinked as he saw his boss and teachers coming back. "Hey what's up? You guys forget something?"

"Is something the matter Mizukage-sama?" Ao frowned. "Please rest assured. I have not sensed any disturbances in the room, spikes in chakra, or-" He was cut off as Haku silently brushed past him and opened the door to the room wide open.

Inside, the four ANBU Mei had stationed in the room were out cold on the floor against the walls and the giant mound that had trapped Naruto diced into large but finely cut chunks. The one the ice held was nowhere in sight, however odds were he had escaped via the window that was now open.

"… Huh." Suigetsu honestly didn't know what to say but didn't really care much about it. "He's better than I thought."

"H-how?" Ao stammered, completely aghast that this could have happened so quickly.

"Figures." Zabuza sighed.

"Fast." Chojuro whispered while trying to figure out how Naruto could have done this in such a short amount of time.

"We should have known better by now. Should have knocked him out before we left." Haku grunted under her breath.

" **Hm?"** Kurama yawned lazily, still in his spot and in the same position as when they left, and looked at the group. **"Oh. You're back. I was wondering how long it would take for someone to notice."**

o. o. o.

Konoha:

Konohamaru, Moegi, Udon, and Hanabi were running for their lives from Shadow Oogakari, who was currently in a bunny outfit, and holding up a pink fairy dress in one hand and a set of polka dotted overalls in the other.

"PLAY DRESSUP WITH ME! I NEED GUESTS FOR THE BUTTERFLY TEA CANNON PARTY!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

"CRYPT! HEAD THEM OFF!"

True to form, the most insane member of the Oogakari popped out of the earth in front of the terrified children with a red wig on his head, a red ball on his nose, purple streamers literally nailed to his shoulders, eyeliner, a cardboard cereal box rubber cemented to the side of his head, and of course, smiley face stickers all across his chest to prove that he's a good boy.

"BED SHEETS TASTE TERRIBLE, HOWEVER I… um… I HAVE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN WHAT TO SAY NEXT!"

"HE IS AN ACCEPTABLE LOSS! KEEP GOING!" Konohamaru roared at the top of his lungs as he and his comrades bowled right through the disturbed man with no remorse while fleeing for their lives.

Moments later, Shadow followed suit, stepping on her brother's face with her high heels without a second thought.

The chase continued all over the village several times. The ANBU had attempted to stop Shadow on multiple occasions, however much like any other time, they had failed spectacularly upon contact with the wrathful woman in fairly provocative clothing.

That is until she was clothes-lined by Ghost as she turned a corner and landed flat on her back.

Let it be known that the Oogakari did not discriminate between gender… even if the males frequently argued on what Shadow's real sex was.

"Hey midget."

"Kak! Cough cough! Wheeze!"

"I see you busted out the bunny suit. Training the runts on how to ignore what people are dressed in in order to make them pay attention to the psycho in them?"

"Fukakaku! Gasp! Cough!"

"Good times. Gooood times."

"Huahghghaaaa!"

"Oh don't even try to make me feel responsible for possibly ruining that costume. That's not even the one you like. Your favorite one is bazooka proof. It wouldn't scratch that easily."

"Wheeeeeeeeze!"

"Huh. You're right. This one does make your ass stick out more."

"Cough."

"You're welcome."

"S-sensei? Is it safe?" Moegi whimpered as she and the others peeked around the corner of the fence, ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble even though they were all drenched in sweat and clearly exhausted.

"Yep. Midget's done for the day."

"Whohohahackakaka!"

"Hey. Someone needs to kick your ass on occasion and Waltz needs a break from handling you and Crypt by himself for so long."

"Wheeze."

"I love you too."

"So it's true. You really are back." Hanabi muttered as she stepped out into the open and looked at the man who still had a fair amount of bandages on him. "One-sama is looking for you you know."

"And she will continue to still look for me so long as nothing important happens, or I fuck up somewhere in the near future." The man stated factually.

"I don't think that's something you want to say out loud." Udon mumbled warily.

"Probably not."

"Sensei? Do you know where Naruto-nii is?" Konohamaru frowned. "We thought he would be back when you came."

"Not in the slightest. But I don't really care at the moment. I'm more worried about Hinata maiming the living shit out of me."

"Not much you can do about that." Moegi shivered. "Hinata-nee is scary when she's mad."

Hanabi nodded before paling. Her eyes had been activated the entire time as she was the only one that could keep track of people behind her while running full tilt. "Uhhh."

"She's coming isn't she?" Konohamaru whimpered.

The immortal grinned "Perfect. Now for all another lesson from your favorite teacher ever for all time forever. Step one. Set yourself on fire. People are less inclined to catch and or maim you if you are on fire."

"I think that's because you're doing their job for them." Hanabi deadpanned.

"When it comes to these guys, it's probably only step one." Konohamaru matched Hanabi's expression with gusto.

"How are you going to do that?" Udon slowly backed away from the man.

In response, Ghost lightly kicked his sister's side and was instantly set ablaze. "Yeah, we don't know how she did it, but she literally does that instinctually to anyone in the family now even if she's knocked out. It happens the most with Waltz for some reason."

"… Oooookkkkkk." Hanabi took several more steps away. "Shouldn't that, you know, hurt?"

"Yes." The man simply stated as if talking about the weather. "But I'm used to it."

"You're used to being set on fire." Moegi stated flatly.

"It's an acquired taste."

"She's almost here." Hanabi's activated eyes throbbed slightly faster to match her accelerating heartbeat. Deep down she knew that her sister wasn't coming for her in particular, but being anywhere near Hinata when she was irritated was all in all a very unpleasant experience.

"Step two. Give the person you're running away from something to focus on while you escape." Ghost lectured factually.

"How are you going to do that?"

The insane (and still very much on fire) man grinned savagely and simply pointed up.

The children, against their better judgment looked in the general direction of the finger…

And saw twenty plastic cows covered in explosive tags hanging from the trees above them.

"Oh fuck." Konohamaru's eyes widened in sheer terror.

"Mommy." Udon wept.

"Why didn't we see this coming? Why?" Moegi whimpered to herself, clearly traumatized if her suddenly ghost pale complexion was anything to go by.

"Stop crying!" Hanabi panicked as she returned back to reality and turned to the others. "We have to ru-!" She winced as she tried to move, only to see that there was a thick black cord tying her and her friends to the still downed Shadow Oogakari…

… She also noticed that Ghost had disappeared and another one of his exploding cows was standing in his place.

"Kakakakakakakakaka!" Shadow gleefully and insanely laughed with her still partially collapsed throat.

"She's trying to take us with her!" Konohamaru roared as he raced towards his captor. "Another acceptable loss for our survival!"

Wasting no time trying to figure out what their foolish sometimes leader was doing, the fresh genin followed him towards the giggling woman and mimicked his actions.

"Kakakaka…ka?" Shadow's laughter came to a brief halt as she realized that the children that she was going to take down with her were now using her as a human meat riot shield with the intended victims to her back and her front to the soon to be blasting bovines. "Fukaka-!"

BOOM!

Hinata and Shino landed at ground zero to see the last of the devastation clear up. Using their respective abilities, they tried to locate their intended target, only to be distracted by a more immediate situation. At the edge of the impressively large crater they found the survivors all looking like they had just come out of an intense battle, with Shadow apparently fighting a war instead given by how badly she and her clothes were torn up.

Neither of the elder teens could have determined what the unconscious and foaming at the mouth woman was wearing before the bomb blasted now.

"Hanabi, are you all right?" Hinata rushed towards her sister and immediately began to apply first aid.

"Sister?" The girl whimpered. "The cows. We forgot… the cows!"

"They were everywhere above us… like black and white plastic messengers of _death_." Udon shivered. If the look in his eyes were anything to go by, he would be in a funk for a while. "They kept on staring at us with those blank eyes. They had no souls. They had no _souuuuls._ "

"I see that sensei has yet to give up on his bad habits." Shino shook his head and began to help out treat Konohamaru's burns. He had medical jutsu training like everyone else in his age group, but it wasn't his specialty. The best he could do was treat minor burns and reset bones and small stuff of that nature. The rest he would leave in the hands of an expert.

"We will have to talk to him about that when we finally catch him then." The heiress sighed as she closed a particularly big scratch on her sister's arm. She'd focus on the kids first. Shadow would probably be fine even if Hinata didn't do anything about her injuries. "This was most likely a diversion to buy him time to hide again."

"Crude as it may be, one cannot deny that it worked." The Aburame mused.

"As much as I dislike agreeing, given my sister was an unwilling part of this, I must agree with you Shino." Hinata moved onto Udon, who was on the borderline of having a massive panic attack. "That won't prevent me from bringing it up when I do get sensei though."

"No doubt." Her friend nodded. Even though he pitied the children in front of him, Shino couldn't help but feel nostalgic about the scene in front of him. How often did his teachers come to the aid of his team after Ghost went on one of his infamous rampant exploding cow runs?

Come to think of it, how would they fair now if stuck in one? Everyone in his age group had grown and developed significantly to the point that such level of explosives were more than manageable through one method of adaptation or another. Then again, Ghost's level of unpredictable ingenuity, sadism, and genius was something that could not be underestimated. The man's sense of timing was once defined by Scabbard as "perfect" when he bothered to put effort into something.

Given how vague the family could be at times, it could be interpreted as many ways, so many of them just concluded that "perfect" meant "perfect for fucking something up in one way or another". It seemed to match the Oogakari's motif well enough.

If there was anyone outside the family that could understand it the best, it was Naruto. And log knows what he was doing at the moment. Probably doing something irrational again knowing him. That or dealing with another situation…

o. o. o.

Moon Country:

"I'm somewhat surprised it's taken us this long to find him." Haku mused as she followed the odd combination of Kurama, Karenbana, and Michiru up one of the mountains that made up the bulk of the island.

"Find him?" Zabuza snorted. "We've been able to tell where he was for the past two days. It's just that he's made it near impossible to get close. Any sensor type that got in that damn area he's set up goes nuts with sensory overload and anyone else just gets lost before popping up near the bottom again."

The swordsman was not stretching the truth in the slightest. Even those who were only barely chakra sensitive could tell that something funky was happening in the otherwise calm and silent mountains where they were travelling. The only the problem was that once people got within a certain range the sensation became too much to determine where the source was coming from and they tended to have a habit of hallucinating if they stayed inside the area for too long. No one knew if it was a genjutsu that got stronger the longer the victim was inside the area, or if it was just some sort of contained chemical that Naruto had let loose, but whatever it was, it soon became apparent that the blonde didn't want any interruptions…

… Well, that was until Zabuza and Haku spotted Hikairu, Karenbana, and Kurama returning from sneaking food to where the source of their headaches was staying the day before. The moment they started approaching the oppressive feeling that was there before seemed to go away.

Kurama snorted. **"It was rather amusing to see that obnoxious human with the eyepatch being carried back foaming at the mouth and whimpering like a kit out of the womb."**

"I don't think any of us didn't enjoy that." Karenbana smirked. "The prick has been nothing but a pain in the ass ever since he got here. If he just did his job that would be fine, but he just wouldn't stop with that "I'm better than you" shit."

"Why do you think Mei keeps on threatening to kill him?" Haku smiled.

"Actually I heard the original reason was because before I came around she was trying and failing to get hitched." Zabuza failed at hiding his amusement. "Every time the idiot opened his mouth, she kept on misinterpreting what he said as some sort of reference to her single status."

"Why is that?" Hikairu asked as he jumped from tree to tree. He had only just gotten used to travelling like this since he couldn't practice that often with Karenbana. Still it didn't help that he was slowing everyone down a bit. "She's the Mizukage right? Shouldn't she know better?"

"Aww. Isn't my boss adorable?" Karenbana swooned fakely. Normally she couldn't get away with mocking him so openly, but she wasn't in the public eye so all bets were off, not that the prince minded. He found her blunt personality a breath of fresh air when compared to the standard atmosphere he was in. "So young and completely oblivious."

"Kid. If you ever learn anything before hitting puberty know this. Women are crazy and they will fuck your shit up if they think you've wronged them, even if they were the ones they were wrong." Zabuza deadpanned, not at all bothering with the glares that Haku and Karenbana were giving him.

" **I'd say the same about your species as a whole… however only a handful of you are even close to being capable of bothering me."** Kurama yawned.

"Don't tempt me to test out that theory furball." Zabuza snorted.

"Hikairu-dono. I didn't bother to ask yesterday due to your duties, but how was Naruto when you saw him?" Haku asked curiously, partially out of concern and partially so she knew how much she could hurt him and get away with it when she saw him. "Kurama-sama has not exactly been the most forthcoming when I questioned him."

"Obviously good enough to place a genjutsu over a three mile radius." Karenbana snorted. Technically speaking the illusion here wasn't anything special compared to the sheer scale of the damn thing. To pull something like that off without a physical medium that she was aware of for so long was unheard of in her experience.

"He seemed to be ok." The prince shrugged. "We talked for a bit, but he was more focused on getting better again. He was complaining a lot about his body the first time we brought food over, but by the second time he seemed to be almost better. I saw him doing a lot of stretches and stances, only to stop when he felt something he didn't like. He had a bunch of clones out, but they were just sitting all over the place meditating. It was pretty boring actually. I was surprised that he was that quiet. After what I've seen him do, I thought that he would have, I don't know, blown up the mountain by now."

Zabuza and Haku tensed up and looked around frantically for a good minute before they hesitantly relaxed their guard. "Kid! Never tempt fate like that again when it comes to him! I thought you spent months with him around! You should know better by now! If you do that again I'll-!"

Haku grabbed her father figure's ear and pulled him back with practiced ease and smiled at the prince with a kind albeit ominous aura. "I believe he got the message across, correct Michiru-dono?"

"Y-yes." The prince shivered. "I'll be good Haku-sama."

"Oi! I've been trying to get you to call me that for years when I train you but she gets it without any effort?" Karenbana frowned.

"She's scarier than you Sensei." The prince shrugged.

"Well at least we know he's smarter than your standard noble." Zabuza snorted while rubbing his released ear.

" **That's not saying much."** The fox looked up the climb they were currently on. It was almost three fourths up this particular mountain, but more importantly he could feel the crosswinds at this elevation. He knew this was where Naruto was. Whenever he was allowed to pick his training spot after a while, he tended to go for the areas with the greatest (albeit reasonable) crosswinds to expand his sensor technique's reach. **"We're almost there."**

Seconds later, the five had landed on the small unimpressive outcropping on the mountain nearly twenty meters in any direction to see where Naruto had been hiding for the past three days.

The first thing that caught their attention was that there was, surprise surprise, a bunch of clones spread all over the place. Around the borders of the area there was a clone every five or so meters meditating silently in the lotus position, hovering a meter or so off the ground and blissfully ignorant of the world.

Around the inside edge of the borders made by those silent clones, there were a slew of other clones that were paired up and going through various stances against one another. From what Zabuza could see, there were at least six or seven different styles being practiced, but he wasn't a martial artist as he was a very skilled and experienced fighter so he couldn't be sure of that number. He did recognize a pair or two going over some jyuken though.

What Haku noticed though was that on occasion one or two of the pairs would stop in the middle of a stance or two and then test out that section again as if to make sure that whatever they thought was off was really there before seemingly making a note of it and then dispelling one of themselves before the remaining one made another clone and resumed the procedure.

Inside the ring of taijutsu practitioners, another ring of clones appeared to be practicing playing with the air itself. One was making a handful of stones float and move in a series of patterns while another was making a trail of leaves weave in and out around him with ease. Karenbana took note of one that was making simple kanji in mid air with dust that he was kicking up.

All in all, there appeared to be roughly a hundred or so clones training, a vastly smaller number of them compared to what Haku and Zabuza had seen the teen use for training before, but still a very impressive number.

What made this different though was that each and every blonde there was blindfolded with a simple white cloth over their eyes. The meditators, the ninjutsu users, and the taijutsu users were all completely cut off visually from the outside world, and yet it did not seem to impede them in the slightest.

Still the new arrivals focused on these facts for only a few moments as their attention was on the Naruto in the middle of the group, as he was doing something that instantly identified him as the real deal.

Like the others he was blindfolded. Instead of being dressed in his normal clothing though, Naruto Uzumaki was dressed in nothing but a set of loose blue sweat pants taped off at his ankles, exposing his surprisingly muscular and defined upper torso and feet to the world as he did hand stand pushups on the tips of all ten of his fingers and facing away from the new arrivals. While he wasn't overly ripped, he was certainly more buff and cut than he was before he left. His entire body was covered in sweat if the shine off of it was any indication, but what really made it interesting was the myriad of scars that were on his body.

It wasn't disfiguring or off putting to be honest, but the group was fairly surprised at the number of thin cuts and round circular holes that covered his body. Given that he had an insane regenerative factor thanks to the fox and his heritage, most would have assumed that he simply didn't scar, or that it would take something exceptional to leave a permanent mark.

What really caught the more experienced fighters' attention though, was that starting from his neck up (or down in this case), Naruto's skin actually took a slightly paler shade from the rest of his body, as if the skin on his head was actually one giant scar and no one noticed it simply due to its uniformity and the fact that his skin was still relatively tanned.

"Hey guys. I was wondering when you'd get here." The original grunted as he continued to do his pushups. "I'm still in the middle of my set so make yourself at home, or just you know, sit wherever."

Zabuza found his voice first as they approached him. "Only a hundred or so clones kid? You're slacking."

"Hey I'm just getting myself back in shape." The fellow jinchuriki laughed with some strain as he did another pushup. "The clones are just doing a few chakra exercises and seeing what kinks are left in my body while I work out and stretch constantly. Honestly it felt like someone put me in a near death state when I woke up."

Haku pretended not to remember the fact that she had on multiple occasions put him under such a state before he left for one reason or another. Partially out of guilt. Partially because she was admiring her longtime friend's body as it went up and down.

She had no romantic interests in him in the slightest, but a girl had just as much right to some eye candy of the opposite sex as males did to their female counterparts, and recently the only males that she had spent time around were Zabuza, who was like her father, the seven swordsmen trainees, who she were like annoying little siblings, and Ao… 'nuff said.

"Kid's crazy but damn if he doesn't take care of himself." Karenbana muttered to herself as she too eyed the teen with a somewhat hungry look.

"Ignoring the fact that unlike him, I am both fully grown AND not insane…" Zabuza coughed loudly. "Care to tell us how you managed to get out of the castle so fast?"

"Made high pressure balls of air with my mouth while I was struggling." The blonde grunted before he pushed himself up. "Made them go off in the ANBU's ears at once and cushioned their falls so that no one heard or felt anything." He breathed out heavily again as he rose. "Chakra blades through my talons, which you forgot to take off of me while I was unconscious."

"Your big mouth came in handy for something after all. Who knew?" The eldest human there shook his head in disbelief.

"Wait… how did you do all of that without Ao noticing?" Haku snapped herself out of staring as she processed what Naruto had just said.

"Flooded the room with the seventh sense." The escapee breathed out heavily, several drops of sweat fell from his head. "I can mask myself and minor techniques from them once the concentration gets to a certain point." He was struggling to push himself up now. "It's part of how I was able to sneak behind that had Koyuki earlier without getting noticed."

"Every time you pull something stealthy like this off, I have to remind myself that you're actually good at it." Haku sighed with a tired smile.

"So how long did it take for you two to figure out that Hikairu and Karenbana were sneaking me food?" Naruto chuckled. It looked like he was nearing the end of his workout.

"By around lunch time of the day after you left." Zabuza shrugged. "Only you would make a member of the royal family an accomplice if you could, and the kid idolizes you."

"No I don't." Hikairu pouted with a blush.

"I really need to teach you how to lie better." Karenbana sighed.

"Karenbana, you should know better." Haku chided the elder female. "Royals do not lie. They merely omit or bend the truth for beneficial outcomes."

"And to think I wondered why mother didn't want you to teach me in some shinobi arts." The young boy muttered more to himself than anyone.

"Please kid. Your tutors in the castle are just as bad. We're just up front about bullshit like that and admit that its wrong. We also don't care about admitting the fact that it's wrong." Zabuza snorted. "Oi brat. How much longer?"

"Just. Ungh. About. Mmm. Done!" With a last push up, the blonde powerhouse launched himself about half a dozen meters into the air where he flipped several times before landing lightly in a crouch facing everyone.

Standing up straight everyone had a perfect view of the blonde's physique and they were impressed. Just like with his back, his front was both very defined, and very scarred. In fact it reminded Zabuza of how he was built. Very powerful, but not overly so to allow maximum flexibility. Again they could see where the skin on his body stopped and the paler scarred skin of his head started.

Karenbana whistled, clearly impressed. "Not bad kid. Not bad at all."

Naruto looked at the woman and looked at her for a few moments before tilting his head to the side confused. "… Who are you and why is a kid your age looking at me like a piece of meat?"

And like that the moment was broken.

"You couldn't just let the moment last could you?" Haku sighed and shook her head as the other female there found herself stuck between being stunned and contemplating murder. "Oh well. Not my problem in the end."

"Naruto." Hikairu sighed. "She's my teacher remember? She's been helping me bring the food every time I come here?"

"Oh. Right." The time traveler laughed sheepishly. "Sorry. I was kinda focused in my training for the past few days and wasn't paying that much attention. I've been running on three hours of sleep a day, and that was only with naps."

"Heh. Never thought you'd be able to take things seriously without someone whipping you." Zabuza grinned.

"You'd be surprised what one can learn under the gaze of a morally deprived man who thrives under both ends of the whip and the equally disturbed people he knows for extended periods of time." The teen stated soullessly. "You'd also be surprised what habits one can develop in order to _avoid_ encountering more individuals of such nature."

"Oh I can imagine such situations pretty well. No need to go into detail." The masked swordsman muttered, recalling of his time working for Scabbard. "Oi, when are you going to take off the blindfold? You look dumb enough as it is most of the time. You don't have to give it a new twist to get the point across."

"Oh! Right! I still have it on. Sorry." Without so much as twitching, the blindfold was cut by some invisible blade and fell off Naruto's head, revealing his slit blue eyes to the world. He then winced and then began to rub said eyes. "Ugh. I keep on forgetting how annoying it gets when I forget to take the blindfolds off for several days. Stupid light and its shiny brightness in my ocular organs."

"Well if we needed any more proof that it was him before." Haku sighed. Only Naruto would use such mixed immature speaking patterns to describe pain that he had inflicted on himself… well only him and the Oogakari at least.

"How is he able to tell where everything is when he was blindfolded?" Hikairu wondered out loud.

"Practice. Lots of chakra. A wind element. And an insane teacher that you don't want anything to do with." Haku sighed.

"So I have a bunch of clones cooking over there." Naruto tilted his head over to a spot a bit higher on the mountain. "I've been eating a ton of food lately but I can cut back a bit now. I'm pretty much done with my training."

"Please don't tell me that the clones doing the cooking are blindfolded." Zabuza growled at the blonde.

"Ok." The guilty party shrugged as he walked towards where said food was being made.

"You have no one else to blame but yourself." Haku sighed as she walked past the man hitting himself in the head repeatedly.

"So when's the signing for that trade deal thing?" Naruto asked as he wiped his cramped hands on his pants. Doing two hundred pushups with his resistance seals up always numbed them for a good hour or two, but he wasn't bad enough for him to not eat with.

"Tonight." Karenbana replied with a hint of dryness. "The Mizukage was starting to lose patience when it came to trying to contact you in time. She's sent that Ao guy to try and find you like five times."

"Huh." The blonde mused. "I was wondering who that poor idiot that kept trying to get in was. Hope he's all right. Repeated exposure to my genjutsu tends to have people hallucinate something fierce for a while."

" **Keheheheheheh."** Kurama laughed maliciously, remembering the sensor screaming something incomprehensible about his mother.

"I'm more surprised that you can actually pull off genjutsu." Haku smiled.

"And the world quaked in fear that such a thing has come to pass." Zabuza droned.

"We came to get you back in time." Hikairu got back onto topic.

"Best you hurry up. Mei-sama is not pleasant if her patience is tested." The ice user advised. "… She's an acid user."

"Noted, and I am now contemplating of a way to lock Ero-Ni in a room alone with her."

"I would be angry with what you said if I didn't know what the outcome of that would be, and so I approve of it and will gladly support your endeavors." The boyfriend of said acid user stated officially.

"Do I want to know what they are talking about?" Karenbana looked at the prince.

The youngest one there shrugged. "Probably not. I remember when I was travelling with him that whenever he got like this the ninja with him tended to filter out all the stuff that sounded funny."

"Sound's easier than it probably is." The genjutsu user grumbled.

" **You have no idea."** Kurama deadpanned from behind her.

The short woman glared at the fox. She had yet to forget that the real reason why she had helped the prince sneak food to Naruto was because it and Naruto had found out about her chakra armor and thus figured out that she was the one responsible for the whole fiasco in the first place.

Instead of tearing her apart though, they had simply blackmailed the living shit out of her and thus became her unofficial second bosses. They didn't ask anything too outlandish out of her yet, but she was still pissed off at being another fool's stooge.

Her mental complaining was interrupted as the aroma of surprisingly well cooked field food met her nose.

Huh. Apparently the kid could cook well blindfolded. Who knew?

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"I should have known that this would have been the fastest way to get you, Sensei." Hinata sighed dryly as she looked at Ghost.

The subject of her ire was tied up and hanging from a tree just a short distance away from one of the local hot springs. The man had been caught up in one of the traps set up for perverts (Jiraiya) that tried to spy on the women while they bathe.

"Murph!" The immortal flailed about wildly like a fish in a vain attempt to escape his binds, screaming through the gag over his mouth.

"Shikamaru probably would have thought of this in a minute if he had to find Sensei." Choji had just gotten back that morning and was talking to Hinata when word of Ghost's capture reached her ears. "Kinda surprised we didn't."

It was a well known fact that while the Oogakari were among the most powerful individuals in the village physically, they had a peculiar habit of acting and behaving far weaker than they were if they were acting out and deserved retribution from another party. Many other shinobi tended to do this as well, but never to the extremes that the mercenary clan did.

Now was a perfect example. All the teens there knew for a fact that Ghost was more than capable of escaping from his binds, or even avoiding the trap in the first place, yet here he was tied up and caught in front of them due to his apparent stupidity.

"I did, however it's forbidden for Hyuga to use their bloodlines near bathhouses for obvious reasons." Hinata shook her head, recalling the more often than not unspoken story behind this particular rule involving a rather independent branch house member in the middle of puberty.

It was a rather amusing story to hear… until the end when the elders at the time executed the poor boy for staining the family name. It wasn't until later that Tobirama Senju put an end to allowing clans to execute members of their own for such minor slights on the pretext of needing the potential manpower, which was technically true since the second war was brewing up at the time.

"Yeah. Neji told me the same thing once when we were on a mission." Tenten mused. "Never told me why though. Probably just too embarrassed to think about it."

"How do you wish to proceed with this Hinata?" Shino asked. "Should we drop our guard, Sensei will no doubt escape."

All the teens ignored the trapped man nodding his head frantically, silently urging them to do just that.

"I was hoping that you would manage that Shino." Hinata smiled pleasantly, causing shivers all around. "No doubt it would be quite difficult for sensei to get rid of your insects when they are in his clothes and hair than it would to get away from us."

"Muph! Muh muh humph!" The blind man thrashed around twice as violently at the girl's suggestion.

"We got a live one here don't we?" Tenten grinned.

"I have a hunger for seafood now." Choji mumbled. "Hey does anyone want sushi after this?"

"Sorry, however I'm not hungry at the moment." Shino muttered as his insects covered the now terrified man. "My insects will not bite unless I tell them too Sensei. On the other hand, if you keep moving like that I cannot ensure that to be true."

"Mmmm." The immortal whimpered. He hated getting taken down by tons of minor injuries. Death by a thousand paper cuts, army ants, and just plain old getting eaten alive, was a lot more painful than people realized and he had little doubt that heavy injury via ten thousand bugs would hurt much less.

He was suicidal sure, but that sure as hell didn't mean he LIKED getting hurt every time he tried something new… playing with Hana and Anko being a varying exception to that rule.

"Now then." Hinata reached forward and took the gag off of the man's mouth. "I believe you owe us an explanation Sensei."

"You're all… so mean." The childish man wept. "I thought that Waltz would have made sure to keep you away from Shadow for extended periods of time while I was gone."

"Well he failed to do the same for my sister apparently." Hinata frowned accusingly.

"Yeah we kinda lost our pity for your family over the years Sensei." Tenten shrugged without remorse. "Plus odds are you did something to deserve it anyways."

"Yes but that's too ambiguous of a reason." The man frowned. "I expected a better excuse from Scab's latest project. Shame on you."

"Sensei." Hinata spoke up. "Naruto isn't in Myobokuzan is he?" The way she said it all but told everyone that she didn't believe the cover story.

"Sure he is." Ghost's pleasant tone wasn't fooling anyone. "Why wouldn't he be with the toads and catching up with them and giving you a credible reason not to maim me?"

"Because he's complained that the food he has to eat there gives him nightmares almost as bad as the ones made from training with you. If he wanted to have a long vacation, he wouldn't be there." Choji shrugged, causing everyone to look at him funny. "What? We were talking about the weirdest and worst food we had to eat. For me it was raw cow brains."

"Ok. First. Ew." Tenten shivered. "Second. If Naruto's not with them, then where is he?"

"He could be at, you know, the library." Hinata mused, thinking of the hidden base that the Oogakari build that had some of Orochimaru's men guarding it.

Ghost personally hoped that wasn't the case. Naruto had more self control than he let on so he wasn't worried about the place going up in flames, but even so he wouldn't want to risk the idiot revealing the place accidentally. "… Maybe." He tilted his head to the side as if to look away and appear to be lying poorly.

"Naruto wouldn't be at the library." Shino frowned. "Why? Because if he was there it would be for research or training. Both are things he would not be doing if he would have returned from his long training trip."

"He has a point." Ghost nodded his head in agreement of Shino's assessment.

"You're not helping your situation you know." Tenten leered at the man.

"No I am not."

"Sensei." Hinata smiled in an all too familiar way to everyone who has seen a cultured yandere get pushed to the brink. "I don't know if you've heard yet, but lately I've been experimenting with a combination of jyuken and healing ninjutsu. I've made some significant discoveries as a result, however it is rather difficult to get permission to perform some procedures that are more… invasive."

Everyone began to sweat at the normally kind girl's statement.

"He made me open a scroll and crushed me with two tons of General Tao's chicken and ran away while I was crying like a small helpless child." Ghost sang like a bird. "I was unclean for over a week and in dire need of a hug which I have yet to receive! … Preferably not from Gai or Lee!"

"That fast?!" Tenten shouted in disbelief.

"I get experimented on enough by Scab damn you! I'm not being a test subject for another psycho!" The man snapped.

Choji and Shino wisely held their tongues. They really had nothing to say about the man's excuse.

"So what you are saying is that Naruto is out there by himself and he didn't come back here?" Hinata asked slowly, her calm exterior giving way to worry, concern, and a hint of depression. "Why?"

"Stress relief. Curiosity. Desire to go exploring. Desire to spend long periods of time away from me and the chaos that I have sewn and any other potential sources of similar brands of chaos that are not spawned by his existence in particular. Take your pick." The man shrugged. He had only vaguely gone over the fact that he might have gone overboard with the blonde's training, but he sure as hell wasn't going to admit it to his clearly overprotective girlfriend.

"He wanted to get away so much that he didn't care about not seeing us?" Choji frowned as he munched on another potato chip.

"No. More like his desire to do so had higher priority to him than the latter." Shino observed. "Reckless, but it's not unlike him to do something of the like."

"Tsunade-sama probably knows by now, otherwise Sensei would still be tied up in the hospital." Choji mused. "She gets just as concerned about Naruto as the rest of us if he's doing something dangerous."

"It's that dangerous thing that has me bugged." Tenten sighed. "Who knows how many cluster-fucks he's going to get involved with by the time he gets back?"

"If it helps, he was there when Akatsuki attacked Gaara." Ghost spoke up catching their attention. "And believe it or not, the only person who knew he was there was the Kazekage, and that was after everything settled down. I DID bother to teach him discretion and stealth among other useful and productive skills while we were gone you know."

"Which means it will be even harder to keep track of him or pin him down." Shino frowned. "I loathe admitting it, but unless we hear otherwise, it might be best to simply wait for him…"

"I suppose so." Hinata mused before turning to look at Ghost again. "Of course Sensei, since he was your responsibility, one would expect you to make up for this mistake."

Instead of the quivering and crying man-child that had been there before, a calm adult with a dry smile was looking at her directly in the face without a hint of fear. "Not going to happen. Naruto made his choice and he's responsible for his decisions now."

"That's a bit cold." Tenten crossed her arms. "Just leaving him out to the wolves like that by himself? What if he gets hurt?"

Ghost's dry chuckle caused the teens to be slightly uncomfortable. "Girl, the way he is now you should feel more concerned for the wolves. There's a reason why I'm not concerned about the minion."

"Which is why I'm concerned." Hinata walked forward and looked at Ghost through his sunglasses. They all knew he was blind as could be, and yet he still reacted to such gestures as naturally as anyone else. "Sensei. Tell us the truth. Why doesn't he want to come home yet? Wasn't three years enough? Did he do something wrong?"

"No… well yes, but he often got the shit kicked out of him for when he did those." Ghost shrugged, however his demeanor was slightly less energetic now. "It's not a matter of what he has done as it is what he realizes he has become."

"What he's become?" Choji didn't like the sound of that. "Don't tell me he's actually gone off the deep end and is like you now."

"Mmm. No that's not it per say…" The immortal tilted his head as if looking for the right way to say what came next. "But… ah. I got a good way for you to find out."

"Really? Do tell." Tenten frowned.

"It's a pretty simple experiment. The next time you see Naruto, see how long it takes for him to be comfortable being physically close to any of you."

o. o. o.

Moon Country:

Chojuro's body flew through the air before landing hard on the ground flat in front of the Mizukage, Haku, and Zabuza. Despite gasping for breath and the having the beginning of a rather nice bruise on his cheek, he had not let go of his precious sword.

It was one of the first things hammered into him when he had begun his sword training. You lost your blade? You lost your life.

"Owch." Suigetsu winced as he tried to gauge just how badly his friend just got his ass kicked while Haku tended to his injuries. "Didn't even last ten seconds."

"Told ya." Zabuza shrugged next to a rather disappointed Mei as they watched Naruto briefly shadowbox on the beach before relaxing his stance. "Chojuro's made progress, but the nut in front of us is made of different stuff. Stuff that I honestly don't even want to understand."

"Hey is he ok?" Naruto asked. "I didn't overdo it did I?"

"Nah. I've done worse." Zabuza shook his head. "Gonna do worse to him too when we get back for getting destroyed so damn fast." He turned his head to Suigetsu. "Water boy. You're up. Taijutsu and enhancement techniques only."

"Yeah yeah. Not like he can actually hurt me." Suigetsu yawned as he walked forward, wielding the twin Kiba blades in each arm and making them spark every half second.

It was the day after the signing of the trading deal, and as Mei predicted Naruto's presence seemed to be a major hit with the locals and those that came from Spring Country. The feast following the speeches and everything was as lively as one could be while still remaining in essence a formal political gathering.

Wine, music, and food were a-plenty for everyone as the travelling circus from before entertained everyone, and there was much laughing to be heard, especially where perpetually smiling and joking Naruto was. The blonde was surprisingly well behaved for those that didn't know him that well. While he was still carefree and a tad bit obnoxious, his tongue was surprisingly well tamed and at no point did he even risk causing any confrontations from breaking out, even with the more annoying guests and nobles there.

It did nothing however from preventing the more experienced shinobi there from picking up a few quirks. Namely that the teen seemed to always try to be at least arm's length away from everyone whenever possible, and he was constantly keeping a wary eye out for what they could only assume was potential danger. Even those that he was familiar with were not exempted from this behavior which was a bit surprising for those who knew him.

True being in the middle of a crowded enclosed space filled with strangers would put most experienced shinobi on edge, but what the blonde had displayed was just short of perfectly controlled paranoia.

The next day Mei had suggested that Naruto get a little light training done by sparring with some of her men, if only to satisfy her curiosity about him and to put down her doubts of his S rank classification. The latter comment obviously hit home as the jinchuriki instantly agreed.

Thus the bulk of Mei's men and the Daimyo of Spring and Moon watched from a good distance on the beach as the Feral Gale "lightly" beat the living daylights out of two ANBU and now one of next generation of Seven Swordsmen.

Kurama on the other hand was simply sleeping in the shade by the edge of the beach. His claim that he had no interest in his container destroying weaklings was not taken too well, so his presence was not missed by most.

Naruto wasn't blindingly fast or overwhelmingly strong, though he certainly was both, and his technique was not outlandish or out of this world… but his style itself seemed to just match and flow around whatever was thrown at him. In one fight he fought in one particular pattern, and in the next it seemed to shift into something else but still keeping bits and pieces of the previous style.

It didn't take much to assume that he was mixing up various forms of martial arts together and had learned from different people.

It was particularly apparent to others when he absolutely wailed upon the second ANBU like a freight train screaming "APAPAPAPAPAPAPA!" like a crazed maniac.

Hikairu could have sworn that his eyes were shining like floodlights while he was doing it too.

"Are you willing to bet that Suigetsu lasts as long as the others?" Mei smirked, knowing that the Hozuki's body made him nearly invincible to standard fighting tactics and taijutsu.

"Hmm." Zabuza mused as he watched the boy lazily swing his blades while getting into position before slightly augmenting his body to move and hit harder. "Yeah. Sure. Why not?"

Ao frowned. "With all due respect Zabuza, I can't understand your logic. With Suigetsu's power and the rules stating only taijutsu or augmentation jutsu, I don't understand how Uzumaki can prevail, let alone so quickly."

"With all due respect Ao, shut the fuck up and watch." The bigger male snorted as the two got ready to move. "Logic doesn't tend to work when this one is around."

"Sorry kid, but even Zabuza can't handle me unless he uses his sword's abilities." Suigetsu moved first, kicking up a good deal of sand as he bolted forward with his swords to his sides, ready to strike once within range…

… And instantly whipped up to cross block the extended large blade of wind extending from the blonde's right arm from cutting him vertically in half. The blow itself was not overwhelming, however given how the chakra blade itself was made to be twice as wide as Kubikirihochou and so visible that it had its own wind like pattern on the flat of the damn thing, he wasn't going to take any chances.

Which was what Naruto had been banking on, as an instant later he had canceled out the blade, used his other arm to punch away from his opponent, causing an explosion of air to erupt from his fist and launch him towards his target, who still had his blades still up above his head, covering the distance between them before he could properly react, and punched him hard in the face…

Or he would have if his target didn't dissolve into water and simply let the blonde simply pass through him.

"Heh. That was a nice trick and it probably would have worked on anyone else, but I'm a bit different kid." Suigetsu smirked as his jelly like head reformed behind Naruto, ready to begin his counterattack.

" _I thought as much."_ Naruto mused as he turned around and deflected the twin swords with his talons without so much as a flinch. The sharpest swords in the world they _might_ be, but they still were nowhere near enough to get past his overpowered wind chakra blades. _"He's like those logia powered guys I met with Ero-nii, and if that's true then the best way to deal with them is probably…"_

The two danced around one another for a few more seconds, clashing lightning and wind savagely against one another before Naruto acted again. Timing it so that he greatly expanded the chakra blades on his arms while defending, he threw off Suigetsu' s tempo and left him wide open for another easy blow.

"I told you it's pointleHEAH!?" The strongest of the next generation coughed out phlegm as his opponent suddenly gave off an aura not unlike an approaching massive storm, and embedded his fist into the now solid Hozuki's stomach.

Then, just like with Chojuro, a small pocket of pressurized air hidden in the fur around Naruto's knuckles ruptured, blasting the water user back a good twenty feet before crashing into a heap in front of his boss and teacher.

"I don't care if she's weaker than me and still kicked my ass the first time we met. Thank you Yang for teaching me of a new way to be even more awesome." The jinchuriki grinned darkly while silently glad that his assumption that his comparison of Logia powers to Suigetsu's jutsu was the same as Haki to Presence.

Technically Haki was a branch form of Presence, but that still didn't change the fact that Naruto was pretty much doing guesswork at the time.

The time traveler never did know much about Suigetsu in either world and didn't hold that much of a grudge against him even after he helped bring the end of the world, but that still didn't prevent the time traveler from absolutely destroying his ass when finally given the chance.

"Wow!" Michiru clapped childishly as Hikairu sat down with Cham the tiger and Kiki the monkey, the circus animals he had befriended when he was travelling with Naruto when they first met. "That was amazing. I never knew that shinobi could actually turn into water like that, but to even stop that from happening is just as impressive!"

"Hoh?" Zabuza mused, not at all bothering to pay attention to every Kiri shinobi's reactions to how Suigetsu was beaten. "That was interesting. I didn't know that you could use Presence to do stuff like that. That'll certainly save me some time and effort if I need to put water boy in his place in the future."

"H-how?" Ao blinked in disbelief. "Suigetsu's technique should have…"

"As much as it will stroke his ego, I must point out that he is S ranked for a reason." Haku sighed as she got back up. "Zabuza and I tend to put him down a bit, but we have never disagreed with that labeling itself."

"Be that as it may, even I must admit that to put down Suigetsu so quickly with just taijutsu and supplementary ninjutsu is not a normal feat." Mei pointed out, giving him a look that challenged him to match such a thing. "The Hozuki clan jutsu were part of what made the Nidaime Mizukage such a fearsome force on the battlefield. It should not be so easy to get around such a defense."

"Yeah, but I already figured out what he did." The male half of the pair smirked. "All things considered, it's not all that special. Kinda disappointed I didn't figure it out myself to be honest."

"What the hell hit me?" The recent casualty coughed loudly. "Ugh… man my gut. Don't think its ever hurt this bad before."

"Looks like we found a way to finally train his physical pain tolerance." Haku lightly smirked. It was common knowledge that Hozuki tend to not deal with pain well due to the fact that not much could actually hurt them outside of certain techniques or if someone slapped a seal on them that prevented them from turning into water. The fact that Haku and Zabuza now had a more efficient way to deal with the idiot without turning him to ice or sealing him into Kubikirihochou was like music to their ears.

"Hey uh… so are we done?" Naruto asked as he walked over to the Mizukage, not having a single scratch on him despite fighting what were considered members of the upper tier of her forces. To have them defeated so quickly was nothing short of embarrassing for the woman. The boy was considered an S rank, but she would have thought that her men would last a bit longer than this.

"Already?" Hikairu moaned from the sidelines. "But you just started!"

"Hey come on. We were just doing a little sparring Hikairu." Naruto laughed and apologized to the prince. "If we did bigger fights they'd probably last longer, but they'd probably put you in danger too. That's why we were only doing the close range stuff. Plus a lot of our bigger moves are supposed to be secret and stuff. The best moves are the ones your enemy doesn't know you can do after all."

" _If we let you fight all out here then we'd probably lose the entire island."_ Zabuza mentally snorted but couldn't help but agree with the prince. He had no doubt that Naruto was strong, but what he had shown wasn't nearly enough to satisfy the swordsman's nerves. The blonde was after all travelling by himself for an extended period of time. It wouldn't do if he was incapable of taking on at least two high level opponents at the same time…

"The kid's right." Karenbana lectured her student. "There's a major difference between first and second fights between shinobi. Information in many cases is more important than anything else when it comes to us. It can easily be the difference between life and death. Take for example when my old group tried to take on Crazy McNutjob's group when we first met. He hid half his team from us, and in the end it led to my team and my employer getting screwed over big time. By all means I should be six feet under right now."

"Heheh. Yeah. I barely had to do anything for that one." The accused McNutjob grinned…

CLANG!

The sound of metal smashing on something hard caught everyone's attention to the source…

Zabuza, holding Kubikirihochou in hand, in an attempt to sever Naruto in half horizontally from behind, only to be interrupted by the two massive wind chakra blades extending from the back of the teen's otherwise lazily dropped arms, and extending deep into the ground no doubt for extra support.

"You know…" The blonde jinchuriki started casually without turning around, not at all bothered that he had almost been killed by an ally. "… If you wanted to spar with me, you could have just asked, No-Brows."

"Wh-whoa." Hikairu shivered. "I didn't even see him."

"Amazing." Michiru nodded, just as in awe as his son.

Koyuki didn't say anything as she took in Naruto's behavior. She didn't spend much time with shinobi, but she had been around the blonde enough that she could read him better than others… and because of that she could tell that he was taking this more seriously than he let on. He was also showing some of his eagerness.

She was contemplating getting some distance between them. She was one of the growing number of people that were fully aware of the fact that Naruto tended to destroy things, and the many things around the initial destroyed things, whenever he got serious.

"Zabuza. That was a bit crass, even for you." Mei frowned. Judging from the sound the massive sword had made, she was certain that the man had fully intended to cut the teen in half. Even so she was also slightly impressed that the teen managed to block the attack with such little effort. Making chakra blades that big tended to wipe out the standard shinobi after a short amount of time, and making ones that could handle Zabuza's blows would take even more effort, yet the boy seemed to do it with barely a second thought.

"Hmph." The demon smirked, not letting up on the pressure behind his blade in the slightest. "Since when have I ever asked for permission to fight? If you needed that to know that I was going to attack, then you might have just handed yourself over with a pretty little bow on your head."

"Zabuza…" Mei's tone was laced with her unspoken warning.

"Ahhh. So that's how it is." Naruto's grin widened and became slightly hungrier. His childish features were slowly dissolving into something a good deal more unsettling.

Without further warning, dozens of additional chakra blades blossomed from the back of Naruto's forearms like a lotus and pierced the man behind him all over, making him bleed like water.

Almost as expected, the lethally injured assassin burst into the aforementioned liquid, exposing its identity as a water clone.

" _Really?"_

The blonde however was not fooled as he shuffled a few feet to the side to avoid being split in half vertically by what appeared to be the real Zabuza. The missed blow slammed into the ground hard enough to create not only a small crater, but a temporary fissure that extended a few dozen meters as well.

" _Death from above on me of all people?"_

The elder of the two simply continued his assault almost instantly after landing, tearing his blade through the sand and continuing his attack, kicking up a small storm of the coarse stone in the process.

The continued attack did nothing to catch the target by surprise however as he managed to jump above the swing and slashed out one of his bladed arms to cut the offender in the collarbone…

However his attack did not work as the tip of Zabuza's blade blasted out a short burst of water from its tip to push its owner just barely out of the attack's reach before steadying himself.

Normally he would not have the time to regain his footing against someone of Naruto's level, however he had more than earned it when another copy of himself shot out of the sand he had kicked up from the previous attempted attack from behind the target and instantly put him on the defensive, leaving him wide open to an attack from behind.

Without hesitation, Zabuza brought down his prized blade on the blonde's back and tore it apart…

And not even a second later the downed warrior exploded, taking both Zabuzas out with him in a massive cloud and an even bigger shockwave.

It took only two seconds from Naruto's counterattack to the explosion, the skirmish appearing to be nothing but a series of blindingly fast slashes and explosions to anyone without a good deal of experience.

"Whoa!" Hikairu shielded his eyes from the flying sand. "So fast! I barely saw what happened!"

"Tch." Karenbana grunted, not willing to admit that she had trouble following the pair's movements as well. She had always known that she didn't stand a chance against the higher level shinobi that periodically spawned from the world, but this was the first time she had actually seen people that belonged to that class duke it out. "Those two idiots better tone it down. It's not safe to push it that much when civilians are this close."

"So violent…" Amayo frowned as she brushed off the sand from her clothes, more unnerved and put off by the display that she had just seen than awed like everyone else.

"So this is how he fights when against someone his level." Koyuki mused, not at all believing that neither one of the two fighters were injured in the slightest. They appeared to know one another too well to let something so quick be a deciding battle. "No. This is how he fights when he's testing the waters with someone on his level."

Much to her expectations, moments later the large cloud of airborne sand seemed to stop in place before nearly slamming down into the beach to reveal both shinobi standing casually facing one another with amused looks on their faces and not a scratch on them.

"Pretty good work slipping in that clone." Zabuza smirked. "Almost fooled me."

"Please." Naruto laughed happily seeming to be completely relaxed. "You were expecting it. I could tell."

"Geez. What's with those two?" Suigetsu grunted. "I can't tell if they're serious or just showing off."

"They're really good." Chojuro shivered. "I couldn't even tell when they started using clones, but both of them seemed to be able to read one another's moves perfectly."

"Mmm." Ao frowned. "It just goes to show how experienced both of them are. I expected this much from Zabuza, but to see it from Uzumaki is a bit surprising. Then again they have known one another for quite some time. It may simply be due to that."

"Hey brat, you wanna go for another round?" Zabuza smirked. "Something a little more than those weak punches. It would be a bit of a buzzkill to stop now, wouldn't you agree?"

Naruto tilted his head to the side as if putting some time to think up of an answer. "Sure, but don't you think the location is a bit lacking though? Too many obstacles, so to speak."

"Obstacles?" Hikairu shivered.

"He's talking about us." Karenbana frowned.

"The ocean's right there." The man tilted his head to the side to where his home turf was. "You don't think we'd actually try this on a beach in the bay area did you?"

"It crossed my mind." The blonde shrugged casually before turning his attention to the only other person there that wasn't unsettled or irritated by the brief skirmish. "Haku? You in?"

"Heh." Suigetsu put on a shit eating grin. "I'm starting to get a bad feeling, if you guys know what I mean."

"Are you sure Naruto?" The Snow Woman smiled gently, clearly nowhere near as adverse to Naruto's unspoken suggestion as others may have assumed she would. "You might not manage it if I came along as well. I hope you're not underestimating my progress. You are not the only one who has gotten stronger over the past few years."

"Haku?! You as well?" Ao blinked in disbelief. "I thought you were more sensible than that!"

"What's going on?" Michiru asked, a bit uncomfortable with how everyone's moods were changing.

"I… I think that Naruto-san is planning on fighting both Zabuza-sensei and Haku-san at once." Chojuro swallowed heavily. "I don't think I've ever seen them take someone on at the same time before. Actually I don't think I've ever seen both of them actually agree to fight a single person at the same time."

It was a ludicrous idea for many shinobi in Kiri to think of. Zabuza and Haku were well known to be among the strongest class of shinobi, so much so that the Mizukage herself considered fighting only one of them to be a solid workout. True they were still technically Konoha shinobi, but they were just as well known in their stomping grounds if not more, than in their new legal home.

The very thought of both of them teaming up on a single person gave mixed feelings to those in the island hidden village. To those that didn't know the pair well, the images of a destroyed and mutilated corpse would fill their minds.

To those that DID know the extremely proud Zabuza who would almost never ask for help when dealing with a single person, and the kind and mature Haku who would never interrupt a battle of Zabuza's without reason, the thought of them actually bothering to team up against someone in a fight could only mean one possible thing:

Whoever they were fighting, was a genuine monster.

"I'm hurt that you would even consider that Haku." Naruto mockingly pouted. "I simply thought that you would want a more… accurate test. Two on one and all."

"Heh. As always. Can't tell if you're being cocky or just messed in the head." The assassin's grin was now practically visible through the wrappings around his mouth. "You want the furball for assurance?"

"Zabuza! Haku!" Mei apparently finally lost her patience. "Stand down now!"

"Nah." Naruto ignored the woman. "Wouldn't make a lick of difference."

Both swordsman and ice user frowned. "Now that was just rude."

"Interpret that in any way you want."

Before the Mizukage could make any further attempts to rein the three in, the spot where Naruto had seemingly exploded once more, shrouding where Naruto and Zabuza were. Only this time, a giant pillar of ice encompassed the point of impact when the debris settled instead of the two males.

The sound of metal bouncing off of something heavy in the air above the ocean, causing everyone to turn and see Naruto flying backwards away from Zabuza and holding his bladed arms in front of him, having blocked yet another certainly lethal blow from the massive sword.

However instead of crashing into the water, the teen seemed to slow down until he was hovering a few meters above the surface with a fox like grin on his face. "Well? What are you waiting for? Come on. The fight will be even once we're over the ocean."

"Whoa! He really can fly!" Michiru gasped in surprise and awe, voicing out what many of the others there were thinking. Flying after all was a very uncommon ability for a shinobi to have.

"Now you're just being cocky." Haku pouted as she casually walked towards the water, the sand and ocean beneath her feet instantly freezing and condensing with each step. "Do you really think that we require such an advantage in order to make our fight fair Naruto?"

The accused began to sway left and right as easily as if he was dancing, his confident grin not faltering in the slightest. In fact his facial features became even more intimidating as he gathered elevation and the shadow his bangs cast covered his eyes, seemingly making his slit blue eyes glow hungrily from the darkness. "Well you two are water users right? Well it's only fair you have the ocean at your disposal if I have the entire sky at mine all the time."

"… Shit." Zabuza looked up at the empty air above him as if seeing it for the first time. Only, no he seemed to realize that there was actually _something_ there, and it was at his opponent's beck and call the entire time. "You're not kidding."

If a Hozuki in the ocean could all but wield it as if it was part of his body, then the blonde could wield the sky itself with just as much ease if not more.

He wasn't being obnoxious when he said that fighting on the ocean would make it even. He was being completely honest.

"Well?" Naruto laughed with all his teeth showing while slowly flying backwards tauntingly.

The answer he got came in the form of dozens of senbon made of ice shooting towards him. In the second and a half it took the projectiles to get to him, the blonde realized that the needles were surprisingly heavy and with their narrow bodies would be extremely difficult to deflect with the normal streams and paths of wind that he had set up around his body to deflect most standard projectiles. So at the last possible moment he used his dashing technique to move himself out of the way fast enough that he appeared to teleport a minor distance to those who didn't have sharp enough eyes.

"Hoh?" The blonde mused as he looked at Haku's ice encased arm pointing at him with dozens of needles sticking out of the mini chambers. "That was nowhere near as strong the last time I saw it."

"You're faster than last time as well." Haku countered his compliment with one of her own. "You might even be able to keep up with me now."

"Maybe." Naruto held his right hand in a half ram seal in front of his chest while his left hand pointed to the senbon that had reversed direction after they passed by and were about to impale him from behind.

With the smallest pulse of chakra, the air master literally stopped all movement of gas particles behind him and forced them in place, creating an invisible wall as hard as steel that protected him from the sneak attack with ease and made the needles bounce harmlessly back into the ocean where they caused a small portion of the water to freeze on contact.

The two sides looked at one another, measuring their odds and moves with practiced ease… completely ignoring the new source of killing intent that was being directed at all of them.

"As interesting as you three fighting sounds, I must warn you three that I will not-!"

Mei's not so subtle threat was completely ignored as her words only seemed to act as the trigger for the addressed to move. Without further warning, all three of them bolted to the ocean with Naruto flying backwards and Zabuza and Haku skating over the water so fast that they left massive waves in their wake.

Not even a second after the three began to move, dozens of explosions and pillars of ice shards and water littered the path that the three shinobi were travelling, preventing virtually everyone from seeing what exactly the combatants were doing.

"That foolish man… and what on earth was Haku thinking agreeing to join in?" Mei's infamous temper rose its ugly head, however once more it donned the mask of a sweetly smiling woman in her early thirties as she turned to the leaders with her. "Michiru-dono. Koyuki-dono. Please keep in mind that those three are Konoha shinobi, and as such whatever may happen in the near future is in no way Kirigakure's fault."

"I will keep that in mind." Koyuki sighed to the ocean. "Can anyone actually tell what they are doing?

Ao nodded as he activated his stolen eye. "So far it's pretty much as we can tell. The three of them are exchanging fast elemental projectiles at one another while they move further out to sea rather quickly. Zabuza is taking point with Haku supporting him." He paused as a large wave was kicked in their general direction, only to crash back down to the ocean moments later. "… As you can see, Uzumaki seems to be able to hold his own for the moment, but I doubt it will last long."

"Oi! I don't know about you, but I am particularly responsible for the safety of the normal people here." Karenbana frowned as she saw the first of the manmade waves approach the beach. "Move back! I'd rather not have someone get splash damage because they didn't know better!"

"How far do you think they're going to go?" Amayo asked worriedly, changing her gaze between where the fight was happening and where she was going.

"Most likely far enough that their jutsu won't damage the island in any way." Chojuro placed his sword on his back and followed her. "… Hopefully."

"Hopefully?" Michiru echoed.

"Honestly. Sometimes that idiot is almost more trouble than he's worth." Koyuki sighed in resignation. "Shinobi battles are unpredictable and potentially very destructive. This goes triple for Naruto. Trust me, I've had a front row seat to the results of his fights. He's smarter than he looks, but even so I hope he doesn't overdo it this time."

"They're still going." Hikairu narrowed his eyes to look at the explosions that were still growing smaller and smaller from where he was. He couldn't even imagine himself doing a single jutsu that had enough power to make explosions that big, and yet those three were throwing them around at one another as nothing more as if was nothing but a warm up. "How far do you think they are now?"

"A little over a mile now." Ao frowned as he watched Haku shoot hundreds of ice senbon at the airborne jinchuriki while Zabuza used jutsu to attack from below with just as many liquid jets using ocean. "Normally that would be a safe enough distance for even high level water battles…"

In response, the target seemed to take evasive actions, and utilize the unknown projectile deflecting technique mentioned earlier to avoid the combined attacks with unnatural ease, almost as if he was dancing with and around the lethal attacks.

The blonde counterattacked moments later, after going through the seals for a jutsu. The technique had him blow out a large number of compressed balls of air that spread out in front of him wide like a cloud.

His pursuers barely managed to stop in time before each individual ball erupted with a moderate amount of force. By themselves they were only somewhat dangerous, but combined and at once the resulting designed wide spread explosion was clearly the largest one made and was easily visible by everyone on the beach.

However Ao saw what no one else could, being that Haku had at the last moment protected both of them with a single use shield of ice before they both used the upturned water as a smokescreen to hide their next near instantaneous moves. Both water users conjured up a clone to go on ahead while the originals sunk into the water seamlessly.

The chase then continued on for a short while with more jutsu being exchanged before the clones used a few attacks that lobbed high and arced down to strike from above, no doubt to distract the blonde. Probably thinking that it wasn't enough, the clones used the time it took for the initial attacks to reach their target to fire off a few more direct and faster blasts of water to once more strike the airborne shinobi from two angles.

Just as planned, Naruto utilized the same evasion maneuvers as he had before, going with the attacks while controlling some of their paths to make it easier, when the real Zabuza and Haku shot up from below their target when he was at his closest to the water.

Given the short distance that the pair had to cover, and the speed at which they traveled, Ao was not surprised in the slightest that they both managed to score decisive blows on the irritating blonde. True they were not lethal strikes, but it would without a doubt put him down for a good…

Another Naruto materialized from several meters behind the one that Haku and Zabuza had attack and blasted them along with the identified clone with a massive and relentless hammer of wind that literally smashed them into the sea and under the surface.

He then had to rapidly move away as the sea below him erupted into another giant pillar, then move once again as what appeared to be the real Zabuza, who was standing on top of the rising pillar jumped off of it with his blade surrounded by a good deal of water and tried to cut the teen through.

And yet throughout the entire ordeal, all three of them were _smiling_ as if they were enjoying this.

"How… did he manage to hide himself? I should have been able to sense him after he made the clone…" The blue haired man wondered in confusion and disbelief.

Unlike other sensors, the man utilized _two_ different methods to detect others to high efficiency, his natural sensing abilities and his stolen Byakugan, which were why his skills and services were so highly valued by Kirigakure… and yet despite that advantage the blonde had still managed to avoid his detection… it was unnerving.

It was a bit surreal if he was honest. While he was considered a very experienced veteran and had played a major part in both a civil and shinobi war, as he often brought up with the younger generation, Ao had rarely taken part in bigger fights. Due to his skills, he was often stationed for espionage and assassination missions rather than being on the front line. True he had been in a good number of fights, but rarely was it involved with individuals on both sides that possessed such destructive potential.

The best example that he could recall was when Mei fought Yagura at the peak of the civil war… and even that battle lacked the certain level of trickery and cunning that this current one possessed…

"Well Ao?" The Mizukage frowned.

"They're… even, so far." He admitted. "Nothing too massive as of yet for ones of their level, but as you can see…" He paused as another large explosion was seen in the distance, followed a few seconds later by the sound. "… It's more intense than most could handle."

"Seriously?" Suigetsu frowned as he walked forward to the ocean. "That nut is actually holding them off at the same time on the ocean? I gotta see this for myself."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Chojuro warned. "Any one of those three can hurt you even when you turn to water. If you get too close you'll get caught in the crossfire."

"Ah don't get your panties in a bunch. I'll get my ass out of there if things get nuts. I'll stay outside of Haku's range if it makes you sleep better." The wielder of the Kiba blades lazily waved his hands and fused with the increasingly choppy water the second he made contact with it.

"Hmmm." Michiru crossed his arms and strained his eyes to see the fight so far in the distance. "It's kinda disappointing that something so impressive is happening so close, and yet we are unable to witness it. Even I am aware that battles between S ranked shinobi are rare."

"Michiru-dono, do not misinterpret this, but please don't ever say something stupid like that again." Karenbana frowned. "If you were close enough to see what fighters on that level were doing, you'd be dead just from standing on the sidelines."

"But that's what we have you for isn't it?" Amayo looked at the short woman skeptically.

"With all due respect Amayo-sama… I'd at best be a human meat shield against these guys." The Kunoichi laughed sarcastically. "The general rule when it comes to fights on this level is to avoid them at all costs. Period. Only the insane would ever even consider actually involving themselves as a legitimate strategy." She shook her head. "In case you forgot, one of those nuts out there managed to take out twelve men while on the verge of passing out due to starvation and a cramped body. Normal logic doesn't apply to them."

"Now that's not very nice." Mei pouted as she looked at the shortest shinobi there. "I happen to be just as strong as they are if not more, and I consider myself to be perfectly behaved and sane."

None of those that knew her for a long period of time DARED to bring up how she acted when she was still single. They enjoyed the Mizukage being consistently pleasant as opposed to always smiling as if it was the only thing preventing her from snapping at the nearest person available… which coincidentally and conveniently enough was frequently Ao.

It was secretly believed that this was the main reason why the man had a stick up his ass all the time: he was adamant about being on the woman's good side lest she murder him for some seemingly mundane and unknown slights that he supposedly gave her.

"Why are your ANBU staring at you?" Hikairu tilted his head to the side confused.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." The woman put on her patented smile while leaking out a tiny amount of killing intent, just enough for the boy to get the idea that to push the subject would be a bad idea.

It also let the ANBU now that they were going to be in deep shit once everything settled down.

Suddenly the group at the beach could feel what could only be described as a source of unequivocal cold, like a piece of the polar ice caps themselves had just spawned from out of nowhere and what they were feeling was merely the aftereffects of it being there. Even though it was the middle of the summer, those on the beach couldn't help but shiver and try to warm up.

Not a moment later, a second unnatural existence had spawned itself in the same location. It was as if they had just been given knowledge of the location of a raging biju a short distance away. They couldn't see it, but they could without a doubt feel its bloodlust and the nature of its violently hungry nature.

"Hmm. It looks like Zabuza and Haku are finally taking this seriously." Mei crossed her arms and shook her head. "I expect that this shouldn't take much longer now-!?"

As if that was not enough, a third and by far the most oppressive sensation made itself known. The air around everyone became unnaturally heavy and rippled like it was growling, as if they were all suddenly in the middle of a tremendous living storm only without the wind, rain and clouds, if that made any sense at all.

" **Hoh?"** Kurama grinned with some amusement as he walked towards the humans, undaunted by the three unnatural forces of nature. **"It looks like they've decided to stop holding back… should be interesting."**

o. o. o.

On an Island several dozen miles away:

Ino had not been expecting Naruto's presence to spike from out of nowhere so suddenly and with so much ferocity.

As a result of that and her sensitivity to chakra, no one could blame her for spitting her mouthful of mango fruit smoothie right into Kakashi's face and gagging as the cold but still sticky substance slipped down the wrong pipe.

"Sensei…" Sakura frowned as she turned to the direction of the anomaly. None of them needed Ino's sensory skills to detect what was going on or who was responsible for it.

"Well at least we know he's still alive." The silver haired man shrugged as he began to gather his things, the juice that had been sprayed on his face now suddenly gone, partially thanks to one of the layered masks he always wore. Despite the urgency of the mission, the four of them hadn't been exactly moving with urgency recently, evident as they were currently taking a break at a café having assorted local drinks.

"Zabuza and Haku are with him too." Sasuke didn't want to imagine what was happening, but he highly doubted that the three of them were just goofing around. "Does anyone want to wait and see if luck would finally be with us and they'll take him down for us?"

"And risk the collateral?" Sakura grunted as she stood up. "Get ready guys. Today's gonna be a long day."

Ino tried to follow, but she was still busy hacking her brains out. Choking on sticky drinks was always a bit harder to deal with than others for some reason.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations:

"Hey what's the holdup? We're almost at the next town." The muscular man in rave attire asked as the man in a business suit stopped in place and looked around with a frown. "Gotta piss or something?"

"There's a fight a good ways in that direction." The sharpest looking of the group leered. "A big one."

"So?" The Hispanic woman shrugged. "We know that there are a few heavy hitters here. I don't see what the problem is."

"They're using presence."

The other three travelers paused as they digested the information. Presence users were rare enough that it was commonly accepted that if you came across one, you came across someone who traveled dimension, or at least someone who knows people that travel dimensions.

"And?" The elderly man rose an eyebrow.

"Two elementalists and fighter of demonic influence. All of them seem to be locals." The man shifted his glasses. "The fighter and one of the elementalists, an ice user, are fighting the other elemental, a wind…" He paused. "… No… a _sky_ user."

"A sky user?" The woman paused. "Those are rare aren't they?"

"Rare and strong. Being able to access and manipulate the entire expanse of the sky at once is not something a person can simply just train to do. Even the weakest ones are still Holy Classes, high tier Upper Classes at the very least. They hit hard and from any direction." The raver crossed his arms. "Although the only one that's worth noting that I know of is…" He paused and glanced at the old man with a hint of uncertainty.

"It's not him. I would have known if it was." The leader of the group looked at the direction of the fight. "Still, I'm surprised that there's one here. Best to keep an eye out for his signature and stay away from him. Sky users are notoriously difficult to hide from when travelling within their range and are known to be rather tricky. We don't want to be discovered just yet."

"So what are the odds?" The woman asked. "The sky user sounds like a beast, but he's outnumbered and they all use presence."

"They're pretty even. The ice user and the fighter are lower level Holy Classes and have history. They're also on the ocean. The sky user though has a bit more power behind him, mid tier Holy, and… hmm… well now, that's interesting."

"What is it?" The eldest one frowned.

The well dressed man leered off into the distance as if focusing on the target in deeper concentration. "It seems as if the young man has recently gone on quite a long and exotic trip, one that by all means he should not be able to go on…"

o. o. o.

A hostel somewhere in the Land of Fire:

_From what was previously stated, it is clear that the Uchiha clan's erratic behavior and habit of sociopathy is not a result of what the Nidaime Hokage believed to be "unequivocal love", but instead an unfortunate aftereffect of the Sharingan._

_The requirement and stress that lead to the initial unlocking of their bloodlines, stress, the need to see something beyond their normal range of sight, and most importantly a good shock to their spiritual stability, results in a constant chemical unbalance that simulates obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, and paranoia in order for the user to process the information their eyes give them. The further their eyes are unlocked, the more of this chemical is unleashed into their mind and the more the symptoms are enhanced._

_When unaddressed, as it is frequently in the current society due to the standards of what requires legitimate therapy, these symptoms result in what many consider extreme cases and behavior that lead to drastic decisions. If left for too long among like minded individuals, such as the Uchiha Clan, combined with the generalized plateau that many others place upon them, it becomes obvious that a sense of entitlement and inflated pride would become the standard for those with these symptoms eventually. Just as likely are consequences of thinking along these lines._

_Specific examples are obviously the attempted Uchiha coup, Madara's attempt to be Hokage, Itachi Uchiha's martyr complex, and Sasuke Uchiha's frequently unaddressed superiority and inferiority complexes._

_These symptoms no doubt are more aggressive and severe in those that unlock their powers at an earlier age, which unsurprisingly is what many in the clan strived to achieve in order to access their potential faster._

_Had the Uchiha not been wiped out to less than a handful of members, or had Tsunade Senju had more time to look at the situation, she would no doubt have made this connection as the medical technology and knowledge has advanced since her granduncle's time._

_As a recommendation, should the Uchiha bloodline progress and spread once more, it is suggested…_

"You know I don't like it when you read over my shoulder."

Sylvia of the Stained Glass giggled softly as she stood behind Scabbard looking at his computer screen. "Like always, you just can't seem to work on a large project without demeaning someone important and his achievements in a way that makes them seem like they were fools."

The Legacy's Prophet merely blinked as a sign of his mild irritation, his only indication of his mood for having one of his places invaded without his permission.

"Oh don't be like that." The woman continued cheerfully. "It's been so long since we've seen one another. Even if we are no longer dating that shouldn't mean that we can't enjoy such events on occasion."

Scab got back to typing.

"So is there anyone else in your life that you've taken an interest in yet?" Clearly she was used to Scab's silent treatment and didn't mind it in the slightest. "What's her name? Or is it a he this time?"

More constant typing.

"No? No one yet? A shame. You're so cute too. It wouldn't be hard for you to grab someone. Especially when you're as good as you are in bed. I guess you've just been focusing on the usual then." Sylvia sighed and looked around the room. "Amassing another meaningless fortune. Using looked down upon means to bring others up while pushing yourself up even further behind the scenes. Gathering information. Experimentation. Humiliating as many as you can. And of course your longest unfinished project, searching for yet another possible way to end the cycle of nothing…"

The typing stopped.

"You do realize that my sister will hunt you like a dog the instant she finds out that you are here."

"Aww. Well then I'm glad that I'm with the big bad wolf to protect me." The woman grinned as she lightly hugged the man from behind and kissed him lightly on the back of the head. "Besides, it's not like it would be the first time that either of us have gotten on her bad side."

"I've never been on her kill on sight list and I intend to stay that way." The lightning user droned on. "My sister is scary like that."

"No need to remind me of when she collapsed six layers of universes on top of me the last time. Even I was surprised that I managed to escape alive." She paused before slyly looking at the man in front of her. "But then again, I've always considered you to be the scariest person I know."

"You probably knew I was here the moment I entered this universe and was tracking every movement I made. No doubt you've already come up with several hundred ways to make me walk to my painful death without raising a finger if you so wished."

"And what of my brother?" Scabbard left his question hanging in the air like a guillotine before he began to type again.

"Hm. I certainly fear Ghost, but more for what he is than the man himself." She pouted. "To not fear the God of None is the epitome of foolishness or ignorance. It would be the same as claiming and believing that the sun is not hot. You on the other hand are truly a terrifying example of humanity's potential."

"And clearly the same logic cannot be said for my sister, despite what you had a hand in." Scabbard stated factually.

"Now that's not true." Sylvia completely missed the sarcasm and pouted. "I respect Shadow and Lady Zuzushi's power more than most. Admittedly it is partially due to the fact that I have somehow managed to survive having a good deal of it so I am more familiar with it than said most. Even so, it's because of that that I went through with the plan. You know that I wasn't aware of what was going to happen in the end. Besides, she was nowhere near as powerful then as she is now."

"We are not having this conversation again." A single spark of green lightning arcing between two of his hair spikes got the message across. "As it stands I am the only person in the Family that will even attempt to help you survive my sister's wrath. The rest would simply leave her be or even help her in the task. It would be best to remember that." He paused. "In fact revealing yourself on this world would prove to be even more damning than under most circumstances."

The God Class woman paused in curiosity. "Really? This world does not seem to be that dangerous. Nothing that could pose a threat to us at least, and I do not know what it could possibly produce that could be of significant worth in some way…"

"Ghost is planning on getting married again."

The room was silent as the words echoed, and the visitor's face paled dramatically.

"… T-Truly? The… The God of None has found another mate after so long?" She swallowed nervously.

In the multiverse, there were several general taboos when it came to those that currently followed Zuzushi through its vast expanse, however there were two in particular that applied to Ghost.

The first was that calling him by his title was grounds for an immediate death match unless stated otherwise.

So much so that certain cultures had max punishments where the perpetrator was cursed to forever search without rest for the man and call him by his name. Few ever managed to get that far.

It was a rule that Ghost had established himself, and enforced it so harshly that it was considered a rule of nature.

The second, and the one that was followed even more strictly than the first…

… Was to NEVER in ANY WAY, attempt to harm or alter his wives to get to him or as a result of him, even indirectly.

Because the last, and _only_ time that happened…

_Remember, Remember,_

_Now and forever._

_The steps of one,_

_That presides over none._

_The eternal plea,_

_Our Cursed Memory…_

No, not even the Gods would ever want to go through something like that again.

"So that's why this realm was so closed off." The Stained Glass shivered, realizing the implications of how severe the situation would be if things got out of hand. It wasn't that she was against Ghost having happiness. The fates know that the entirety of the Family needed their fair share after all the shit they've been through…

But still, having the man hitched again was akin to hearing that someone's armed a doomsday bomb and then let it roll down a hill.

Before she could get another word in, the pair felt three people using Presence off in the distance. Normally the distance would be too great to detect, but to individuals of their power and influence, the ripple generated through reality was easily noticeable.

"Someone you know?" Sylvia noted Scabbard had once more stopped typing.

The immortal lighting user didn't reply as he mentally sent a signal to one of the dozens of devices he had interweaved into the walls of the room, and moments later a projector that was not unlike one of the panels on the ceiling turned on and used one of the blank walls as a canvas.

It was showing the video recorded one million frames per second of the fight all the way in Moon Country, taken by one of the cloaked drones he had set to hover around Zabuza and Haku whenever he went out on a mission.

Scab also used it to occasionally torment Zabuza in his sleep whenever he felt that the swordsman was getting too comfortable. Being able to remotely influence another person's dreams from hundreds of miles away is always an interesting way to pass the time.

Especially when he got to record the screams of night terrors consisting of hairy feet, sour milk, and getting the Mizukage pregnant with triplets.

He was planning on playing the videos for him during the bachelor party. People say the darnest things when they wake up screaming in fear.

"Oh? Several people of interest?" Sylvia looked carefully at the combatants. "I see that a couple of them are sporting your wares. Students then?"

Scab didn't bother to say anything as his computer desk slid by itself to against the wall to the side and his chair morphed into an ez recliner. Without bothering to look, a second recliner appeared under his guest before moving her to his side.

Then a small table with a couple of beers and snacks rose up between them.

"Such a gentleman." Sylvia shook her head in mock frustration as she grabbed her drink and relaxed in her seat. She had known Scabbard for centuries so she understood him well enough to know that it would be best to keep quiet for now and enjoy the show. Had her appearance truly have caught him off guard, he would not have bothered with such frivolities upon their first meeting in so long.

She'd address the seventeen thousand microscopic tracking devices, twelve trigger activated microscopic poisons, and forty eight lethal pinpoint weapons on or aimed at her later. She was sure that there were more of each on her, but it wasn't really an immediate issue.

She was given a free show so she might as well enjoy it. Business could wait.

o. o. o.

Omake:

Blondes just wanna have fun:

"So let me get this straight." Naruto frowned as he looked at the twenty year old woman with long blonde hair, a cowboy outfit, golden gauntlets, and a huge rack. "You wanna fight me even though you pretty much have no game breaking powers, physical prowess, and knowing full well that I have the standard unfair regenerative power and awesome ninja skills."

"Yep." An older Yang Xio Long grinned as she took up a boxing stance. "Gotta be diverse in the art of ass kicking. Don't wanna be sloppy after all."

Now, by this point Naruto was more than aware that the odds of Ghost introducing him to someone that won't murder him in some way was slightly less than him encountering someone… well… sane, but even so he couldn't help but feel insulted. This woman was good and certainly gave a feeling that indicated that she was no civilian, but he was certain that she was still nowhere near his level.

"Your funeral." The jinchuriki sighed as he quickly tensed his legs and dashed forward faster than most people could possibly follow, passing her in the blink of an eye, the sound of her gauntlets clashing with his talons echoed in the sparring hall for everyone to hear as he passed.

"Wow. You weren't kidding with that ninja crap were you?" The woman grinned. "I don't even think Blake or Ruby would be able to keep up with that."

Naruto smirked as he turned around and held up a lock of golden hair that certainly did not belong to him. "You make it sound like you can...

… Why are your eyes suddenly red and why do I suddenly feel like crying?"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Fuck it. I was planning on posting this with the next FFD as an uber Christmas gift, but the way my life has been acting up lately that's probably not gonna happen. Fucking grad school and teachers that can't teach advanced linear matrix systems for shit.

I actually wanted to get the whole moon country arc done this chapter, but once again my habit of dragging things out got in the way. Without a doubt it will be done the next chapter and onto events that people will without a doubt be interested in, and more divergences in the timeline will be evident.

So for anyone that noticed, I have hinted at a few more worlds that Naruto has visited in his travels in this chapter. All in all, the general idea of his travels and the people he's met can be summed up as such, for every three people of interest he's met, two have beaten his ass into the ground upon their first conversation whether he's stronger than them or not, simply due to his inexperience in adapting to horrifically different world and style mechanics.

Also, at one point, Ghost sealed off almost all his chakra and left him in Ryozanpaku for six months. For those of you who don't know what that means, it basically means he's mastered the basics of several taijutsu styles under the teachings of masters that make Gai look sane and tame.

So less than a month till I move to Jacksonville Florida. Goodbye cold winter of the northeast and hello hot sticky summer of the south.

First thing on my list, visit seaworld. I gots a killer whale to gawk over. SHAMOOOOOOO!

Eheheh. Moo.

Oh. Before I forget, I got some INSANE fanart recently on deviantart of Crypt and Scab. Honestly they are the most epic ones I have gotten yet of individual Oogakari and I drool every time I see them. Now if only people would make a few more on the Naruto characters. It is a naruto fic people!

So here's to me finishing another chapter of whatever by new years. Merry Christmas you bastards!

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! WONDER WHAT ZABUZA'S LEASHES ARE MADE OF AND WHAT HIS COLLAR LOOKS LIKE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Eight: And now back by popular demand, fully grown males screaming like not fully grown females.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Moony moon moon moon place:

"Honestly." Sakura sighed as she finished checking Haku's injuries. The sheer number of wounds that both former Kiri shinobi had was absurd, though thankfully not overwhelming. It took her and Ino several hours to treat their patients adequately after they returned to Michiru's castle, and even then the defeated pair had slept for nearly a full day before being conscious for the follow-up treatment. All in all it would take at least a week or two of treatment to get them back to full health. "I'm starting to think that I worked hard in being a medic to heal everyone that comes into contact with Naruto."

"That doesn't sound like a bad reason to me." Ino shrugged as she finished setting Zabuza's arm in a cast.

"You won't be left wanting for work that's for sure." Zabuza grunted as he leaned back into his bed.

"Sadly the benefits are somewhat lacking." Haku joined in dry humor. "Though we have no one to blame but ourselves for this in the end. We were the ones that urged him to fight in the first place."

"Not like he put much of an argument against it." The swordsman rolled his eyes. "He was almost as jumpy to get things going as I was when we started to get serious."

"Knowing you, your only regret about the decision was that you got your ass kicked." Ino cleaned up the last of the bandages she had changed before washing her hands in the nearby sink.

"No." Haku corrected her. "He regrets that so many people have found out that he got his ass kicked."

"I'm an assassin. I don't like witnesses." The man stated evenly. "Speaking of which…"

"No. You may not kill the Daimyo or their escorts to lower the numbers." His adopted daughter chided him as if he was a child. "We've had similar conversations before, and they all end the same. Don't make me repeat myself."

"Fine." The man huffed. "I'll just threaten them with painful things if they run their mouths like I normally do."

Sakura and Ino wisely did not dwell on the very real possibility that he was in fact being serious.

"On the subject of unspeakable future misery, can we go over the source of our current ire?" Sakura asked.

"I thought medics were supposed to avoid making their patients do things that would cause them more pain." Zabuza dryly grumbled before Ino wacked him upside the head. "Tch! Watch it kid. I'm still able to disembowel you even like this."

"That's nice. Just be sure to do it before the numbing poisons I nailed you with take hold ok?" Ino casually looked at her nails, not at all worried about the man's threats.

"Why you little…"

"Focus before I'm down an assistant and up a patient." Sakura growled.

"Fine." The grown man and the blonde sighed in defeat.

Before Sakura continued, she took out several kunai with some seals on them and threw them at each corner of the room with minimal effort. The pieces of paper glowed faintly as soon as they stopped moving, preventing anyone from spying on the room. This included Ao, who was in a room a few doors away with a neck brace on.

"Oh?" Haku rose her uninjured eyebrow. "I suspected that something particular was happening with Naruto, but you just confirmed it."

"You noticed it too huh?" Zabuza's eyes focused on Sakura. "I couldn't be too sure, which is why I didn't say anything before. So kid, care to tell us why you're so desperate to get the idiot back in particular?"

"Ghost went overboard with his training, in a bad way." The lead medic crossed her arms, mentally noting that Naruto's condition was to the point that he couldn't hide it from those that actually knew him. "Of course we expected that was going to happen to some degree, but it got to the point that he's moderately traumatized and its impaired some of his social interaction and interpretation skills."

"And we were the lucky ones sent to try and drag him back to Konoha before he accidentally fucks something up in another country." Ino sighed casually. "Too late for that one I'm afraid."

"He's actually messed up in the head now?" Zabuza frowned as he went over his recent time with the blonde. "Hmm… yeah come to think of it, that explains why he was more crazy than normal. It took more for him to be serious too when there wasn't any fighting involved. Had to remind him several times to focus on occasion."

"He was also uncomfortable during the festivities." Haku pointed out. "During the feast after the trade deal was finalized, he was constantly on guard and stuck near the walls whenever possible. Actually I believe he was defensive even when it was just us. I noticed him on more than one occasion scoping out his surroundings and the people he was around with speculation even when they were obviously either harmless or had no intention of doing anything to him."

"Then there was the fight." The elder mused. "Don't know why, but during the first part he was constantly trying to go up close when by all means he should have been spamming us with jutsu from a distance. Didn't make sense then. He's smarter than that, but if he's a bit off like you said…"

"He was probably still testing us." Haku put the pieces together. "He was less focused on proving himself to us and more interested in how we would fight in various situations."

Zabuza grunted. "It wasn't bad enough that he didn't think we could handle the furball's chakra or sage mode, but he even did that as well? I'm going to skin that little shit."

"You're a bit misinformed about the sage mode and fox thing." Ino pointed out offhandedly. "I don't know what he told you, but we know for a fact that he can't use either at the moment."

Both injured parties blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Like I said, Ghost overdid the training." Sakura sighed and rubbed her temples. "He slapped a seal on Naruto before they got back that prevents him from using his higher states because he thought the idiot would be too strong with them. Sensei claimed that he wanted to keep things "interesting" and not have Naruto able to one shot everything from the get go."

"That little fucker…" Zabuza was of mixed feelings. On the one hand, having Naruto any stronger than what he had already shown honestly unnerved him greatly. On the other, things were now harder for them to prevent the world from ending because the immortal jackass wanted a show.

"Well if anything else, he certainly hid that fact well." Haku sighed in defeat, knowing there was nothing she could have done about it regardless. "Still it concerns me that he has little to fall back on in an emergency should he encounter Akatsuki now. And if his mental state is as bad as you claimed…"

" _Oh you know, as much as we expected… and then way too much more." Naruto shrugged without a care. "Pretty much got killed at least a few dozen times. Brought back, then killed again… and again… and again. It's a lot more stressful than it sounds."_

" _ **VERY maliciously suppressed… among others."**_ _The fox yawned._ _ **"You're going to have your hands full with this one, that much is for certain."**_

Sakura turned to her friend. "What are your thoughts on what you've heard about him so far?"

The mind reader crossed her arms and closed her eyes in thought. "Hmm. Aversion to large crowds in enclosed areas and high levels of suspicion the rest of the time. Inability to focus in non stressful situations. More aggressive behavior in stressful situations. Those do align up nicely to PTSD."

"He did say some odd things when it came to his training, but you know the general rule when it comes to practicing with the nuts. Don't ask don't tell." Zabuza shrugged. "All in all I've seen far worse cases."

"Then again, there was that one shinobi he killed when he woke up." Haku mused. "It was particularly violent, even by what we had expected of him."

Ino blinked in surprise. "Violent? What happened to the guy?"

"Top half of his body was torn to mulch and sprayed all over the room. Practically painted half the room with the idiot's insides." Zabuza snorted. "Even Kisame couldn't do something like that so easily, especially since the guy was wearing chakra armor."

"Wait… I thought that he was crippled and starving when the attempted coup happened." Sakura frowned in confusion.

"He was. I was the first to check on his body when he passed out that night." Haku replied. "In fact it was his first kill that day. Supposedly the man was sent to kill him in particular because word of his situation got leaked, but he had woken up to see his attacker just as he was reaching for his head with a kunai..."

"Shit." Ino grimaced as she glanced at Sakura. "Ghost really wasn't kidding when he said that Naruto reacts to people reaching for his face badly."

"I think it might be related to the scar on his head." Haku pointed out with the barest tinge of hesitance.

"Scar?" Sakura blinked in confusion as she called up her teammate's recent appearance. "I didn't notice any scars on his face. Then again he did have a few freeze burns on it so maybe…"

"I didn't see one either." Ino frowned.

"You worded it wrong Haku." Zabuza shook his head. "The brat's entire skull is scarred. The skin from the neck up is a couple shades paler than the rest of his body save for the litter of marks on his chest and back. It's nearly impossible to point out when he has clothes on. I could tell some of the ones on his body were torture scars as well, but those were all nearly completely taken care of by his healing. Never seen the likes of the one on his head before though."

Both females paused for a moment as they let the information sink in. While it was true that chunin and jonin underwent training to resist interrogation and torture, neither one of them had suspected that Ghost would go to such lengths to prepare his student as to permanently mark him in the process to such degrees. Oh sure they suspected a few scars here and there when the blonde got back, but his entire head?

"Who else knows of this?" Sakura frowned darkly, making mental notes to give the immortal more than just a piece of her mind when she got back.

"The brat with the glasses and that midget kunoichi." The glint in Zabuza's eyes spoke of how exactly he dealt with the situation. "Both Haku and I made certain that they knew what would happen to them if they spilled what they saw."

"Good." The jonin stated evenly before closing her eyes and started to put more pieces together. Clearly Ghost had missed out on a few details when telling everyone about his condition and their causes.

Naruto's erratic personality had become even more necessary to him over the three years as it evolved from a mere stress relieving tool to a vital coping mechanism. From what she had heard over the past few hours, it had thankfully not impaired his abilities as a shinobi in any significant way, however it was none the less a risk if it was left unchecked for too long.

Unfortunately for them, the definition for "too long" was inversely proportional to the shinobi's strength, and if what she saw was any indication their time limit was coming up fast.

"I think we should shift over to his jutsu for now." Ino casually played with another senbon. "Knowing how messed up he is is one thing, knowing how to take him down is another. I don't know about you, but a Naruto that can actually use genjutsu in battle honestly terrifies me…"

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations:

"Hmmm." Sylvia moaned in content as she rested in Scabbard's bed. She may not be a set with the man anymore, however that did nothing to stop the pair from enjoying liberal activities every now and then.

She was one of the few people in the multiverse that had the pleasure of knowing that Scabbard did in fact have a sex drive, but that he was an INSANELY good lover that could do things with his fingers that even had gods pausing at times.

In fact despite Ghost's loud and frequent declarations that he was a gift to all females everywhere, the truth was that he had learned most of his tricks from his deceptively unemotional sibling.

She was also one of the even smaller number of individuals that knew that Scabbard was bisexual… a very miserly, sadistic, and picky bisexual that frequently finds other's misery more satisfying than intercourse with those that he believes are worth his time.

His brothels did cater to both men and women with the greatest of services after all. Where do you think they learned their tricks from?

Not that she cared of course. It actually made their relationship quite eventful when they were together. It's not like she could claim she batted for only one team without lying either.

"I'd say I'm glad you didn't lose your touch, but that would be an insult to someone like you." She smiled without moving from the bed.

"The fact that you are going to linger in this world despite my advice is insulting enough." The alchemist droned as he looked over some paperwork on his desk. He was wearing nothing but his pants with the rest of his clothes lying around the floor in odd places. His scarred, exposed upper body could be best described as "fit". Muscular and a bit on the skinny side yes, but it didn't fit into any particular category otherwise. Not bulky. Not lean. Not excessive, but certainly not lacking in any way either save for the vertical department. It could be considered the epitome of an average build.

It certainly wasn't something that most women would complain about.

Oh how he wished he could just train his spies and consorts to just scan and type their notes to make things go faster, however far too many questions would come from such a path. As such he was stuck with most of his information coming to him physically and wasting large parts of his time.

He couldn't wait for one of the three rising tech companies to finally come out with a freely accessible basic electronic messing system in the next year and a half so he could not deal with this anymore so he could control… manipulate the system at near instantaneous speeds like he was used to.

"Then I shall try to keep things as civil as possible throughout the duration of my stay." The God Class woman yawned and stretched while sitting herself up lazily. She didn't bother to cover her modest bust with the covers. "Now what has you so unnerved? You are far more adamant about my departure than you normally are whenever your sister and I are within the same region. Usually you just give me a fair warning and then let me go on my merry way to get killed… or not."

"It's far more than what I give most that have crossed our paths to the extremes you have." The man stated factually. "I seemed to have spoiled you."

"You spoil any woman or man that you take even a moderate amount of interest in." The Stained Glass smiled coyly. "I consider myself lucky to be one of the few that has been on the receiving end of the miserly prophet's generosity."

"You know I don't like anyone speaking of me in great numbers. With a large reputation comes _the unwanted_. That's why I let the others do as they wish and draw everyone's attention from me."

Sylvia giggled. "You might wish to try harder then. From what I have heard you made quite an impact a few years ago up north."

"Staying out of the spotlight and focusing on business since then has curbed the aspirations of _the tainted_." The man hissed.

"Hmm. I suppose that is but another reason why you spend so much time wrapping virtually every economy you come across around your little finger, regardless of how insignificant they are in the grand scheme of things. Not that you couldn't come up with several thousand already at the drop of a hat." The woman sighed as she absently played with her long brown hair. "It's not Shadow's reaction that you are afraid of this time… or at least not in the standard sense."

The man didn't bother responding to her as he continued to work.

"Hmm. There doesn't seem to be much in this universe. Some of the inhabitants do have some potential, but nothing genuinely outstanding seems to dwell here." She continued to muse out loud. "On average those worlds with the "superheroes" in those amusingly revealing outfits tend to have more potential than this one. There is a slightly higher spiritual influence that can allow Gods to interfere with greater frequency, but again it is not exactly outstanding compared to many other worlds. And yet my presence here unnerves you… no, it is what my being simply here could lead to that has you on edge."

Again he remained quiet. He had expected her to reason out a good many things on her own. The woman would not have grown to such power and ability had she not. It would be pointless to worry about such trivial things, especially when he had already predicted them.

"There is something here you value. No. Not just value. You genuinely are concerned of the results should its destruction come to pass." She nodded with certainty. "Regardless of what it is, it has your notice, and as such you do not desire to risk its end should dear Shadow and I come to blows again. A rarity. There is not much that would warrant such attention from you. You were only at best mildly annoyed when entire universes you have invested some time into were wiped out by that pair of conflicting Elders some centuries back. I believe that a number of your more prized subordinates were caught in the crossfire too."

"We have been in one of the major cities for some time." The miser stated factually. "Waltz has grown close to a good portion of the local youth. You are well aware of how he reacts to anyone that would threaten their existence."

"Ah yes. The "Red Flood" as he's called now." She shook her head in dry amusement as she inspected her nails. "I much preferred the original version. "Bloody Hands Waltz." It had a stronger feeling to it, more significant, more weight, and was far more accurate to its source. Catchier too. I believe they actually made a song with that title at one point. It took you, what, four centuries to have society change it to the point that no one remembers the original moniker?"

"Two, and you know what his thoughts on the title are. It hits too close to the truth." The man frowned, breaking his previously impassive demeanor.

"So his trauma still has not abated then? A shame. Oh well. Far be it for me to anger even more of your infamous family. My relationship with any of them save you is far from ideal after all." She sighed whimsically. "Fear not. You are well aware that I am a pacifist. I would not dare willingly risk the well being of others, let alone children."

_Anymore._ Was left unsaid.

As powerful and confident as she was, even Sylvia would never repeat that particular mistake ever again. She would not permit herself to do such a thing even if she had the option to.

"All the more reason to be wary. Pacifists tend to be terrible schemers. Their plans cause more problems than solutions."

The woman pouted childishly before turning her head away. "I see your tongue has not changed in the slightest."

"You said the same thing in a far more positive tone last night. I assumed you knew what entailed when you first said it. No need to repeat yourself."

A tick mark made itself known on her forehead. "You always were a terrible person to wake up next to. As intelligent as you are, you are abysmal at pillow talk."

"Not my fault few are actually morning people." He paused before pressing a button on his desk. "Naomi. A cup of coffee please. Light cream. One sugar."

"It's too late to apologize for your rudeness." The woman frowned.

"Yes, but the coffee will make you awake enough to not give me so many openings." The stronger of the two dryly retorted. "It is vastly less amusing when a game is too easy, even if I can still break it with ease."

The woman glared back at him with mild annoyance before shaking her head and sighing in defeat. "I suppose I have not been as active as I should be if it only took that much for me to lose my composure. I have not been spoken to like this in quite some time."

"Knowing you, the coffee will be a more refreshing experience." Scabbard muttered absently.

"Only if it's satisfactory." She pointed out casually.

"You almost sound like you're insinuating that I would be careless enough to not have quality brew in my establishments." The alchemist warned in his standard even tone.

"Merely making a statement. You know better than to assume that I would ever question the standards of your establishments." She retorted with ease.

"Merely making a statement." The man echoed her.

Their conversation was interrupted as a soft knock was heard on the door. "Coffee?"

"The door's unlocked." The master of the house replied without looking up.

The girl in her mid teens hesitantly opened the door holding a tray with the steaming drink in a cup and a small pitcher that held more of the brew. She only lingered her eyes on Sylvia for a second before all her focus was captured by the half naked man that all but owned her. Quietly she put the tray on an end table before bowing and moving to the door again. "Will that be all Papa?"

"No. That is all for now. Thank you for your service Naomi." Scab briefly looked at the girl in the eyes to acknowledge her existence before turning back to his work. "I've heard that you are doing well in your cooking lessons. At the rate you are going I will have to find a suitable mentor soon."

The girl's eyes brightened up considerably before bowing again. "Thank you Papa."

Sylvia chuckled as the door closed and she slowly sipped her drink. "Hmm. Not bad. So what's her story? Abandoned as a child? Family murdered by bandits? Kidnapped and turned into a slave?"

"Sold off by her alcoholic father to cover gambling debts when she was ten. Then sold to me when the local competition could not afford to train or maintain the girls that were not old enough to bring in more customers a year ago. Not much of a lay from what the reviews say, but she is quite capable in the culinary arts, so I frequently have her working in the kitchens or as a maid." Scab answered without pity. "A rather frequent history for many of my charges. Regrettably they are often unsuited mentally for being in any positions of real power once they leave my direct employment due to their previous experiences. However, their gratitude and idolization of me and the family I provide tends to ensure their loyalty long after their departure."

"Cruelty and kindness. Shrewdness and generosity. I wonder how long it has been since you have done anything without any alternative motives underlying them." Sylvia sighed whimsically.

"I find little point in thinking of such things." The reply was so casual and empty that most humans would instantly become fearful of the man's integrity and seemingly lack of empathy.

"No… I doubt you would." The woman stared absently as she looked at her distorted reflection. She didn't bother that despite the man's double sided nature in managing his prostitutes, he still subconsciously instilled a feeling of family between all of them… something that was a strong but at the same time delicate subject within the man's immediate relations. "It's not like that's the only dirty secret I am aware of in your kin."

"I'm a big boy Syl. I can take care of my own issues."

"No doubt you can." The woman sighed before taking another sip of her hot drink.

Only now her cup was filled with tea instead of coffee. Neither person in the room bothered to comment on it. After all it was a very old habit of the woman's to frequently alter her beverages after a sip or two. One that she had had long before she had even met her host...

"Time certainly is a troublesome thing isn't it?" She continued. "It has a nasty habit of changing things we don't want to. Neither of our families fared any different. My brother changed… coming into power shortly after yours lost his mind… only a century if I remember correctly."

The room was dead quiet.

The woman donned a thoughtful expression, her drink now a cappuccino. "You know, I never did learn of the real reason why Crypt, the legendary sangromancer, necromancer, seal master, and philosopher, went mad. Actually I believe it's one of the biggest mysteries around your kin. He was unstable to be sure, but there's enough to be certain that he simply didn't just snap one day after living too long. Not in the way he did at least. True it happened before I was born, but still it is a surprisingly muted topic even among the gods. You'd assume they'd be more forthcoming about such a subject, but they aren't oddly enough. One would think that the event would have been well known since Crypt was at the time-"

"It would be wise to end the topic of conversation." The smell of ozone could be detected in the room. "To harm a guest is both poor manners and a bad representation of how I do business."

"Ah. I guess I did overstep my boundary a bit. Sorry." She winced apologetically. Among immortals there were certain unspoken taboos. One of the big ones was that it was highly looked down upon to inquire about another immortal's major defining traumatic experiences without reason, especially ones that left severe impacts on the other's personality. The only exception to the rule was if it was related to something important at stake.

It went doubly so for the founding members of the Family. As much as the five wailed on one another, it was well known in the multiverse that any one of them would wreck all of existence for one another, innocents be damned. When someone crossed a line regarding one of the siblings, they crossed a line with all of them…

And the Family had VERY well established lines that everyone knew not to cross without consequence.

Granted, it was hard for anyone to discuss how their loved family member lost his sanity to the point of practically becoming a completely different person.

Shadow hadn't even been awake in time to meet her brother one last time before the change. The first time she had met her sibling after being initially sealed away with Zuzushi… wasn't a pleasant one for her.

No. Time certainly was not a merciful entity to anyone.

Scabbard shifted his papers again before pausing and getting up.

"Oh? Something has even your attention this time?" Sylvia sipped her rum. It wasn't that uncommon to see an immortal to frequently yearn for at least a slight buzz at odd hours of the day.

The male didn't say anything as he swiftly, yet seemingly casually walked to the doors of his office and walked out, not bothering to grab the shirt or coat that he had left on the floor of the room. He didn't need to, as the other immortal lazily watched the articles of clothing quickly deconstruct before her eyes into the flooring until there was not a spot left of them.

She had no doubt that he was wearing their reconstructed counterparts at that very moment. The man was always rather talented in coming up with new applications of alchemy. Something like that was child's play for him.

"My my." She sighed as she downed the last of her hot coco and got out of the bed to put on her own clothes. Unlike the flashy Scabbard, she didn't mind doing things the old fashioned way. "He was certainly in a rush. I wonder what requires his immediate presence?"

o. o. o.

Moon:

"So then, status report." Kakashi cheerfully spoke to his underlings… teammates, as he leaned against the wall of the room."

"Haku and Zabuza should be recovered enough in another day or two to resume their duties." Sakura stated with a shrug. "They'll still be sore for another week after that, but it won't stop them from fighting at near peak if they need to, though it will delay their recovery."

"That stiff assistant of the Mizukage's is good too." Ino yawned. "He annoyed me though so I told him that he still has to wear the neck brace for another couple of days."

"No poison this time?" Sasuke rose an eyebrow.

"Not when it's obvious that I'm the culprit." The Yamanaka snorted.

"Anything of actual use to talk about Sasuke?" Kakashi questioned.

"I spoke to most of the soldiers and ANBU that were involved in fighting as well as the prisoners. Most of their stories match up, and it was clear that this was in the works for a while. We still don't know who organized the entire thing in the first place since the Mizukage and Zabuza killed the ringleaders, but we learned enough to know that the chakra armor they were using was among the older models. They were even dated when we first went to Spring. As much as I hate to admit it, Naruto's unexpected arrival was a blessing in disguise for everyone. Because of the rushed opening, there was a good shot that at least one of the Daimyo would have been killed or taken away from the island by the time things were finally managed. If what they said was right, a good number of them were instantly spooked when they learned he was around."

"Mmm. It's pretty obvious that there is a traitor amidst one of the three targeted parties, however there is little we can do about it now other than inform them about it." Kakashi nodded in agreement. "As for me, I was busy with damage control. The Mizukage was not the most pleasant individual to try and placate after Naruto steamrolled her fiancée and essentially ruined the remainder of her very much sought after vacation. Tsunade is certainly not going to be happy to hear about this, which is why I am personally ecstatic that she will be learning of this through messenger hawk and we will be very much away from her fury. Speaking of Naruto, what have you gotten?"

"Well, other than what Zabuza told all of us, that kid Hikairu told us of another new move he has." Sakura spoke up. "He called it Invisible Black. It's a short to mid range wind technique. From his descriptions it sounds like a series of extreme high speed shockwaves made by whipping out his chakra blades with his arms. It must cost little chakra too since Naruto did it when he was supposedly crippled by hunger, but was still powerful enough to tear through nearly a dozen shinobi wearing chakra armor and the foundation around them."

"I think we should focus more on what's wrong with his head more than what moves he has." Sasuke pointed out. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to accidentally trigger something and have him flip out on us more than he already does. Same goes for the villagers."

"I agree. The more we know how to handle him when we get back the better." Sakura nodded.

"Well let's make a list shall we?" Ino yawned. "Other than his obsession with ramen and fear of cows, we all know that reaching for his head is a no go. It's obvious that it's related to the supposed scar on his head, but I personally don't want to know the details, and I'm the one that spends the most time with Anko-sensei outside of Hana-sensei and Ghost."

"Duly noted." Kakashi eye smiled.

"Well, if I remember the list that Ghost gave us, there were a few other things he's now terrified of." Sakura mused. "He's on edge around small girls in old western clothes."

o. o. o.

Flashback:

""Come play with us Naruto.""

"No. Go away. For the last time leave me alone already. I'm not your mommy. Now where the hell is the exit sign in this place? I swear I'll bust a hole through every wall till I get outside if I have to! I don't care if my insurance won't cover it! Don't think I won't!"

o. o. o.

"Then there's his fight or flight response to adolescent angels of all things…"

o. o. o.

Flashback:

"Pi pi-ru-pi-ru-pi-ru pi pi-ri-piiii."

"… Dokuro."

"Dokuro-chan."

"… Dokuro-chan… can you please stop doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Murdering me in horrible ways."

"Now that's a mean thing to ask after bringing you back to life."

"You were the one that killed me in the first place. This is the eighth time you've done this this morning."

"You seem awfully calm about it though."

"… I do believe that it's simply because I've gone full circle and am on the verge of going on a hysterical homicidal rampage."

"That doesn't sound good."

"No. No it isn't."

o. o. o.

"He's terrified of tea parties."

o. o. o.

Flashback:

"Now then. How did you find that game Naruto?"

"I think you went overboard that time Lambdadelta. It was a rather crude thing to do to him."

"Why. The hell. Did Ero-ni. Leave me. With you two?"

"Do try not to throw up on the table this time. You have a habit of getting blood mixed in with it, and we all know that it's such a chore to wash it and the smell out."

"Oh come now. You were so much more confident when you started playing with Bernkestel and I, Naruto-chan."

"What was the point of making me hallucinate and having me think everyone around me was going bat shit insane till I killed them all in an unstable rage before tearing out my own spine?!"

"You merely made the wrong decisions and missed the flags."

"WELL OBVIOUSLY THE FLAGS WERE NOT BLATANT ENOUGH FROM NOT GETTING ME VIVISECTED THREE TIMES IN A WEEK!"

"Heheh. Oh yeah. I remember that. That was funny."

"HOW?! HOW WAS THAT FUNNY?!"

"Oh you're still babysitting the boy?"

"Oh log not you."

"Welcome back Beatrice. Would you like the next turn?"

"I don't see why not."

"DAMN IT ERO-NII GET ME AWAY FROM HERE ALREADY!"

"Would you like some more tea?"

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"No need to be rude."

"Do remember what I told you about not throwing up on the table this time."

"HURGH!"

"Too late."

"Where's that butler when you need him?"

"Someone say my name?"

"She said "butler", not "Battler". While you're here though, clean the mess, will you?"

"Ah damn it."

o. o. o.

"Then there's his weird morbid fear of dragons that can manipulate water and fire at the same time…"

o. o. o.

Flashback:

"Why did you leave me alone with Niv Mizzet AND Nicol Bolas at the same time?!"

"You were only there for five minutes."

"Five minutes of ETERNAL HELL!"

o. o. o.

"Of course there's his aversion to anything with tentacles…"

o. o. o.

Flashback:

"Welcome to the realm of H. !"

"H.P. who?"

"Someone you will learn to hate very soon."

"Log damn it."

o. o. o.

"Don't forget his hatred of zombies of all things…"

o. o. o.

Somewhere near the land of Demons:

Sitting on a small portable bed on a cliff side, the twisted medical expert Yomi looked down upon the clay army of the demon Moryo slowly march by. It had only been a couple of days since he had allowed the monstrously powerful demon possess his body temporarily, yet even so his physical appearance had already deteriorated significantly.

"We are making good time lord Moryo." The man muttered softly to the spirit inside of him.

" **I am well aware of that servant."** The creature rumbled ominously. **"The world has changed since I was entombed. Humans are weaker than they once were… however there is a surprising… weight… that was not present before. Something of great significance is in these lands, though it is making an effort to hide itself for whatever reason, and I dislike what it may entail. Already I can feel its influence slowly affect the world with unnatural ease, dying the scenery its colors without care. We must restore me to my former glory so I may address this issue as soon as possible. It may even be a greater threat to my thousand year kingdom than the priestess…"**

The doctor nodded emotionlessly. "At this rate, the priestess of Demon Country will be unable to do anything to prevent your resurrection, even if she should survive my follower's assault. It should only take a few days till we reach-"

"ZOOOOMMMMBIIIIIEEEEEZZZZZZ!" A hysterically high pitched voice shouted from the direction the army had been travelling in, followed by an unending series of unnaturally large explosions that he could see from his position. It took him several moments to realize that the non-stop destruction was rapidly travelling right down the ranks of his clay soldiers before the massive blast of air that tore through his lifeless army without pause became visible, kicking up clay soldier, dust and stone without discrimination.

By the time the debris had finally settled enough for Yomi to see the wrecked remains of the front third of his army, the perpetrator had long since escaped. Through one of the somehow intact heads of his destroyed soldiers, he had heard the silhouette of a teenager of all things mutter to himself about his destroyed tools _not_ being zombies of all things and then run away to avoid being punished.

The sight of his army's remains was but a minor issue as far as the human was concerned. So long as Moryo's soul remained free, the constructs would always manage to rebuild themselves with time. It was what made them feared in times past in the first place.

No, what was more concerning was that it would take at least an extra half a day for the army to reach where it had been before.

"… Master?" The human hesitantly addressed the demon as he looked at the destruction below. As powerful as he and his servants were, even the possessed man had yet to lay eyes on such devastation spawned from a single technique before. Not one that came without preparation at least.

"… **I have decided that I shall address that hindrance first when I regain my body. THEN I shall kill the anomaly."**

o. o. o.

"By all means, I'm halfway curious as to HOW sensei managed to fuck with Naruto's head in such a way that he has these tweaks." Ino muttered.

"And the other half of you knows better than to ever ask such things. Ever." Sasuke dryly added.

"Aww. You say the sweetest things sometimes." The blonde smiled innocently.

"I'm most concerned with the least obvious of the list." Sakura frowned. "You know what I'm talking about right?"

"His aversion to people in general for extended periods." Kakashi nodded. "Zabuza and Haku noted that he preferred to spend far more time alone than he used to, even around people he gets along with and knows. Plenty of it was meditation from what they could tell surprisingly enough. His natural willingness to be alone is definitely worrying."

"He left Ghost-sensei the first chance he got." Sasuke ticked off the list. "He made his presence known only to Gaara when he was in Suna. He doesn't like crowds. He's more eccentric and excitable. He's on guard all the time. He spends more time alone. He meditates a lot…"

"And he knows he's messed up." Ino pointed out. "I wouldn't rule out that the meditation is a way for him to cool his nerves, regain a hold over himself, and just pass it off as training to everyone." She paused. "Or… you know… he's just spending a lot of time wacking off now that puberty's hit."

"Ignoring the latter comment. At least he's trying to address his problems instead of ignoring them… to an extent." The scarecrow mused. "He's certainly sharp enough to hide secrets from those that know him well enough with minimal suspicion."

"Which makes him all the more dangerous. Imagine what he would do if he was actually pushed into a corner." Sasuke closed his eyes in thought. "I would have considered it hard enough to try and capture him before he left in our current state."

"It's like trying to catch Tora only a thousand times worse." Sakura muttered under her breath.

"Well think of it this way. At least we're allowed to maim the target this time." Ino chuckled wryly.

"Keep in mind that he will eventually get free and be left to his own devices by some point." Sakura spoke up as if what she was saying was obvious. "I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to be subject to whatever his twisted mind has managed to spawn over the past few years."

"Way to kill my fun." Ino grumbled as she crossed her arms.

"How much longer till his curse on the island wears off?" Kakashi asked his interrogation expert.

The blonde paused before closing her eyes and frowning a bit. "Hmm. It's still lingering something fierce. I give it another day or two still. Gotta hand it to him. He may be crazier than ever, but he's certainly picked up some interesting tricks."

"Hopefully his trick doesn't mess too much with the local environment." Sasuke sighed. "I saw more than a comfortable number of seagulls on the beach earlier."

"Well, the island isn't that big, and it's only for a few days." Kakashi tried to brush off the fact unconvincingly. "I'm sure the damage won't be too severe."

Given it was Naruto they were talking about… the odds weren't comforting.

"Sensei." Sasuke spoke up in a serious tone. He didn't address Kakashi by his old title unless he was serious about something. "Do you think we're going to have to resort to extreme measures to get him back?"

The room was quiet as everyone present knew what the Uchiha was talking about in particular. The fact that he brought it up at all indicated that he was deadly serious about it.

"I highly doubt that we will need to resort to such a thing Sasuke." The eldest one there replied in a slightly less casual tone. "Naruto may be a bit unstable, but not so much that he would force us to rely on such measures. At the very least, three of us can enter his mindscape fairly easily and speak to the three in him to convince him to return home. To be honest I believe that would be our best and safest option at the moment."

"We could lie to him and say that things have gotten a bit hectic." Ino shrugged.

"Too late for that. Zabuza and Haku would have told him before anything like their fight happened and he knows it." Sakura sighed.

"Does he know that Konoha's at odds with Iwa at the moment?" Sasuke asked.

"Given what happened before he left I doubt that anyone would need to spell that out for him." Kakashi replied. "He probably doesn't care one way or another what our relationship with them is, but at the very least he won't antagonize them and risk making things worse for us."

"At least we know he won't start picking fights and starting wars on purpose then." Sakura sighed.

"Yeah. We have enough trouble with him doing it on accident." Ino rolled her eyes.

"We could have done so much better without remembering that." Sasuke grunted.

"Ah, selective memory at its finest." Kakashi eye smiled. "Well then, I suppose now that we are constantly bantering, how about we go over our approaches for confronting him shall we?

o. o. o.

Land of Demons:

Shion sat quietly as she waited for the shinobi from Konoha to arrive. She had been preparing for this day for years. Her eyes were stronger and more controlled. Her powers even more so, and varied. So much that she was hailed as a prodigy that surpassed her many of her ancestors including her mother. While she was a bit nervous, she was more excited to finally see the one that had enthralled her heart…

… And she knew for a fact that it truly was him…

Her eyes opened as she heard a commotion outside. She heard the screams of her loyal followers as they tried to stop the intruders. As much as she would like to help them, to tell them to not be where they were right then, she could not. The best she could do was make suggestions that would ensure the smallest number of casualties while still maintaining their pride. Her guards were all incredibly loyal to her in this timeline, willing to sacrifice themselves not out of duty but out of true concern. To make them not do their jobs would be seen as a great insult and hurt her relations with them.

She had helped more than one of them over the years with family emergencies. Wives that needed special medicine at the last moment. Siblings that had injured themselves in remote parts of the village. Her "visions" informed her of these events frequently in time to avert worst case scenarios…

But she did not have or need for one now. She could already tell he was nearby…

The doors in front of her burst open violently, allowing the four attackers to come in unimpeded. Just like last time, all four were male in identical white clothing, strange markings, dilated eyes, and a sick aura around them. One with a face mask and shoulder length white hair. A shorter effeminate male with orange brown hair. A slightly taller and somewhat attractive male with short long purple black hair and one of a similar if softer disposition with long pink white hair.

"So you're the priestess heh?" The effeminate one grinned with a good deal of sadism to the point that she wondered if he was entirely sane. "She doesn't look so special to me, not with all that gaudy clothing on. Probably doesn't even think we have the guts to touch her like most retarded nobles."

"I know you are here for my head." Shion calmly stated, still kneeling in her spot without a hint of worry. "No doubt because your leader Moryo is terrified of the little girl sitting in front of you."

"Tch." The unmasked purple haired man clicked his tongue in annoyance. "She's a mouthy priestess isn't she?"

"Don't worry bro. I'll do the work for ya." The masked one stepped forward and flicked his wrist, throwing a kunai at the woman's head with blinding speed.

Only the tool stopped a meter from her as it bounced off of an invisible wall in front of her that flashed momentarily on contact.

The dark haired male grunted as he saw his target's lips twitch in amusement. "The rumors were right. She's good in barrier techniques. Normal attacks won't do much."

"Well then it's a good thing we came prepared isn't it?" The sadistic short one grinned widely as his chakra began to spike. With a wave of his hand a massive torrent of air rushed through the space between the two parties at the priestess…

… And was knocked aside as a third party materialized between them.

"Hmm." The dark haired pale eyed beauty mused as she tilted her head curiously and gently flexed her extended and unmarked hand. She did not even bother to pay attention to the massive hole the deflected jutsu had made in the side of the building or the debris that was still in the process of settling to the ground. "No. It doesn't even compare. How disappointing."

"Looks like we have some company." The masked intruder grinned as he looked at the young woman up and down. "She's quite a looker too don't ya know."

"Get your eyes checked. She looks exactly like the priestess if her hair was blonde and her eyes were a different color." The dark haired man snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised if she was some sort of body double she employs on occasion."

"Oh?" Hinata tilted her head to the side curiously before activating her eyes and inspecting her charge with her dojutsu. It also instantly prompted the intruders to be on guard. "Well isn't that interesting. I was given your pictures Shion-sama, but they apparently did not suspect our likeness to be this similar."

"Shit…" The one with pink hair grunted as he saw Hinata's veins. "We have a bloodline user. We can't hold back here."

The priestess merely looked at the Hyuuga in mild curiosity and a hint of confusion. "I am afraid I cannot make the same statement while just looking at your back shinobi-san. I take it you are among the group I hired from Konoha?"

"Yes, however I believe that now is not a good time for introductions…" The taijutsu user took a stance, ready to move on the enemy on a moment's notice. "If you would please get to somewhere safe…"

"Oi oi. You've got to be kidding me. We outnumber this little chick four to one and she's still looking down on us? I don't know about you but I feel insulted." The shortest enemy growled, yet the twisted smile on his face never abated.

"Is that so?" Hinata smiled politely as her stance solidified. "My apologies. I will make sure to be more subtle about it next time."

The air itself was tense as both sides were prepared to move on the slightest provocation. Shion had proven herself to be good enough in barriers to not be killed by a stray kunai, and Hinata was strong enough to bat aside the enemy's empowered jutsu with her bare hands with ease.

On the other hand, there were far more people on the attacking side. As good as the newcomer was, fighting so many in such an enclosed space while keeping her charge alive was not an easy thing to do. All things considered it was an uphill battle for her…

"And behind door number one…"

And then of course an x factor comes along and fucks up everything.

Everyone turned around to the source of the new voice, coming from the moving and previously though ornate decorations behind the priestess which obviously now was shown to be a secret passage.

"Hope I don't walk into some chick's room while she's changing again. There's only so many times I can fall for that cheesy trap before that shit just gets old." The round decoration rotated slowly, revealing a head of spiky blonde hair looking around curiously. "And at the end of the mysterious hidden passage behind the waterfall is…"

The room went silent as both sides stared at one another in mute silence.

"… Something that I clearly should not be involved with." He slowly spoke out loud with a significantly paler complexion before slowly retreating behind the door again. "Please pay no attention to the man behind the rotating circle thing…"

"… Naruto."

Hinata spoke his name out in a pleasant tone that did nothing to hide the horrors that lay underneath it. Enemy or ally, there was not a single spine that remained unchilled from that single word. She had not turned around at all.

"… H-Hinata?" The blonde froze and whimpered.

"Naruto." Her tone remained the same.

"Hinata." Naruto tried to take a cheerful tone that failed spectacularly to hide the fear in it.

"Naruto." She shot down his excuse without remorse.

"Hinata…" The teen squeaked out in fear this time, all hints of confidence in his voice was gone as he began to beg for a quick and painless death.

"Naruto." Clearly the kunoichi was not going to abide by his requests if he did not do as she commanded.

"The fuck is this?! Let's just kill them already!" The shortest intruder lost his patience at the two word dialogue taking place and began to make seals.

"No! You fools!" Naruto shouted in vain as the group in front of them went on the offensive and made the worst mistake possible…

They obtained Hinata's attention when she was in a very tweaked mood.

o. o. o.

Outside:

"Damn it! How the hell is she so much faster than us?!" Tenten shouted as she, Choji, and Shino made it to the town center of the village their charge lived in.

"Hinata's ability to move with optimal efficiency is truly extraordinary at times." Shino mused as he pushed up his glasses. "Though it may be for the best. We may not have been able to get to the client on time had she not."

"We should be on guard." Choji muttered as he looked around to see the bodies that the intruders had left in their wake. "There's no telling where the enemy might be-"

BOOM!

The three looked up the stairs they had been about to climb to see a chakra based explosion launch four bodies across the sky above them like rag dolls.

"Well at least we know where Hinata is." Tenten snorted as a black bow materialized in her hands and she notched a lightning charged sword shaped like an arrow. Despite not having a dojutsu, her eyes could clearly see that the attacked party was not down and out just yet as they righted themselves in mid air.

"I am grateful. She remembered to leave some of the enemy for us to deal with this time." Shino mused out loud as a black cloud of insects hovered around him and he flexed his fingers.

"Wonderful." Choji sighed as he cracked his knuckles and took a few steps forward. "Let try not to cause any extra damage to the town shall we?"

Tenten snorted as she took aim at the one with the dark purple hair. "Since when did you start talking to yourself?"

The Akimichi pressed his palms together in front of his chest like a prayer, only with one hand pointing downward. "I'm dating Ino. Remember?"

"Point made." Tenten's arrow flew with pinpoint accuracy and was only a few meters away from impaling her target when he unleashed a fairly powerful wind jutsu and knocked it off course. "Tch. A wind user. Wonderful."

"Let us begin." Shino crouched down to get a better start. "Why? Because I wish to end this fight before Hinata finishes it for us."

o. o. o.

Back with the very doomed main character:

Shion would be the first to admit that this second timeline was drastically different than her original one in many aspects.

Using what she knew of her savior's past and what she had learned after their initial meeting, she had convinced her advisors to go to the infamous Konoha chunin exams three years ago to see her love in action. She knew that Konoha had been invaded, but she was also confident that with her powers and so long as she didn't mess with the timeline (too much) she would be fine…

She did not however expect for the invasion to be routed as firmly as it had.

The third Hokage had survived. The infamous Orochimaru had been slain. Konoha had fared far better in the war than before. Naruto was vastly stronger in this timeline than the previous…

But the announcer for the war. That man terrified her…

Because she had felt his power, that endless, ever falling essence when he had roared, before…

When the world was burned black and she had woken up as a child.

Actually it would be more accurate to say WHEN she had woken up as a child.

Shion's eyes, like her mother's and all priestess' before her, had the ability to send her consciousness back to a suitable time to change fate and save her life.

Before she had met Naruto, she would often do so by using another individual as a scapegoat in the process. Her abilities had rarely kicked in after the Moryo event to the point that it was believed that the sealing had affected her powers permanently. Granted it wasn't that bad of a trade considering that it saved the world in the process, but still she had never expected to have no more than maybe a vision or two a year after the life changing event.

But never had she or any other priestess ever been recorded to have gone back nearly five years in a single go, and for good reason. She had been knocked unconscious for nearly three weeks from the ordeal when she entered her prepubescent body. From what she had gathered, her mother and the rest of the country had been in dire straits the entire time she had been out.

She had tried to keep her mother alive when she had first arrived, but that was unfortunately a lost cause. The poison that killed her in both histories was slow acting and apparently administered when she was unconscious.

Regardless, the fact that the man who was rumored to be her savior's teacher, and the fact that the blonde seemed to be in the middle of so many more events and was so powerful no seemed to lead her to only one conclusion: Naruto had been brought back as well.

She decided to lay low and not involve herself in the shinobi world. It wouldn't do for her to get in the way of whatever her betrothed's plans were. Instead she prepared for when Moryo would make his move again and trained passionately in her reawakened abilities as a priestess so that she could help him in any way she could when he arrived. Her precognitive abilities were frequently sought after by undesirable individuals for one reason or another, however she had only one person she truly wished for them to be at the disposal of in the end.

Her eyes granted her the ability to send her consciousness back in time to save her from her demise. Normally it was defensive in nature and only worked as a reflex, and untrained she would only get detailed glimpses of the future. Even now this would frequently happen if her unexpected death took her unawares.

However, with her experience and determination, she was now able to force this power to activate instead of letting occur only in extreme situations. It was a draining activity, and could only force it every couple of weeks or so, but it was a power that she was very glad to have. She had saved her home many misfortunes and headaches through it and was now worshipped due to her foresight.

Her other power was her sealing and barrier techniques. The unique style her family had was noted to be very potent. It had to in order to seal away something as tremendous as Moryo. Originally she was only proficient enough to sustain seals and even then with the appropriate tools, locations, and rituals. Now though she could easily manifest walls that even shinobi had to put some effort into in order to work around with but a bit of focus, and any larger ritual performed by her would yield outstanding results.

She had progressed greatly in improving in her powers, just as she knew that Naruto had worked hard in improving his and protecting his home. She knew he was someone who would change the world, and was someone who would never lose his heart…

But she didn't expect her reunion with him to be…

Like this…

"Naruto!" Hinata snapped with some irritation with her hands on her hips expectantly.

"No!" The terrified changer of the world screamed like a five year old as he held on to the wooden supports of the roof in a death grip with all his limbs. "I'm allergic to pain! Especially pain in the form of maiming! It's been tested! I sense much potential maiming in your general direction!"

"Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze you come down her this instant or I will come up there and you know that you don't want me to do that." The white eyed girl stated dangerously like a very ticked off mother to her child.

Said child merely scampered around the roofing like a squirrel and hissed from the shadows.

Shion had to admit, it was incredibly difficult to take note of the sounds of fighting and explosions outside her temple with this little show taking place in front of her.

"Is… is he all right?" Shion spoke up for the first time since the enemy shinobi appeared. "Isn't he one of yours?"

"Oh he's mine all right." Hinata didn't break eye contact from where her clearly terrified quarry was. "My apologies Shion-sama, however Naruto is not part of the team hired to protect you. In fact no one's known where he was to my knowledge… until today…"

"Ero-nii sang didn't he?" The blonde there asked in a surprisingly calm tone considering he was borderline hysterical just a few seconds ago.

"Once I finally got my hands on him." The Hyuuga smiled pleasantly before flicking her right hand out so quickly that had she not been paying attention Shion would have missed it completely. She barely caught the glint of some blue string like illusion before the section of the scaffolding that Naruto had fused himself with fell without any warning and crashed him onto the floor hard. "Although I do believe that you will be undergoing a vastly different treatment."

"Damn it!"The blonde swore as he picked himself up while cradling his right arm for a moment before realizing that his potential executioner was walking towards him. "Oh crap! Uh. Look! A distraction!"

"Where?" Hinata asked almost emotionlessly with her eyes instantly activated.

The jinchuriki froze in place before letting his arm drop. "… Have to be honest. I did not think that one through."

"Clearly." The bloodline user dryly retorted before walking forward.

"Hi-Hinata…" Naruto raised his hands up in defense.

"Naruto." The addressed replied in a softer but no less dangerous tone.

"Naruto." Shion spoke up in a pleasant tone, completely out of place for the situation.

"Naruto?" Both shinobi blinked in confusion. The thing that threw them off the most was the familiarity behind her tone.

"Naruto." The priestess smiled with genuine happiness.

"Naruto?" Hinata turned to the blonde, her irritation abating a good deal for confusion and slight curiosity.

The addressed shrugged in blatant obliviousness and pointed to the Priestess. "Hinata?"

"Shion-sama." The Hyuuga answered him.

"Shion?" Naruto turned to the client in innocent confusion.

"Shion." The borderline white haired noblewoman nodded with a kind smile… and made her eyes glow momentarily. The jinchuriki instantly froze and his complexion paled slightly as soon as he saw her eyes glow in an all too familiar kaleidoscope pattern.

"… Shion?" He knew exactly what they could do and what that could mean, and his reaction all but confirmed he remembered everything.

"Naruto?" Hinata rose an eyebrow in confusion as she realized that there was something going on that she wasn't aware of. The fact that the blonde was no longer cowering in her presence despite her being clearly pissed at him normally indicated that something far more important was going on.

"Mmm! Shion!" The Priestess nodded with a happy smile.

" _Shion_ Shion?" Naruto's demeanor changed from shocked to worried and nervous. Not the childish fear based nervous that Hinata had instilled into his very being just moments earlier, but a confused nervous that had him on guard before something important happened.

Shion merely nodded again in confirmation to his question as her smile turned coy.

"Shhhhhhhion." The blonde nearly swore before rubbing his temples

"Naruto?" Hinata asked, her anger gone and replaced with blatant confusion now.

"Hinata." Naruto held up his left hand in a stopping gesture as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

"Naruto." Attention was drawn to the priestess again as the smiling civilian's demeanor slowly weakened and her head bowed a bit trembling.

"Shion?" Naruto blinked in pure obliviousness and looked forward before he was unexpectedly tackled by the now crying girl.

"Naruto!" Shion wailed in joy in finally joining with the boy that had captured her heart so many years ago.

"Naruto!" Hinata gasped, also clearly not expecting something like this happening.

"Shhhhhhhhion." Naruto nearly swore again with tears in his eyes.

Not out of emotion, but because the girl had thrown her entire weight onto his still very much fractured right arm.

"Shion-sama?!" Hinata balked in confusion, very much unsure of how to interpret this tearful reunion. "Naruto?!"

"Hinataaaaaaa." Naruto wept, though clearly for different reasons than the girl hugging him tightly.

Or, he was weeping up until the priestess pulled herself up Naruto's body and kissed him on the lips passionately.

The room was deadly silent so long as you ignored the shouting and explosions still going on outside.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Naruto intelligently once their faces separated and his mind finally turned back on again.

"Naruto." Shion smiled happily as she went down and hugged him as if greeting a long lost lover.

"… Naruto?" Hinata whispered in a tone that indicated that she was having as much trouble figuring out what to think as he was, only she was clearly not liking it more than Naruto was.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh." Naruto on the other hand was still trying to process what the hell had just happened.

It wasn't that he wasn't inexperienced with females, or sex for that matter. Given who Ghost was, it was fairly obvious that the jinchuriki would have gone through at least SOME training and experience in the arts of carnal pleasure with some very interesting females by the time he got back…

He did get some good elemental training from Alma Elma and Tamamao afterwards (which was admittedly how he was initially tricked into training with them in the first place). They weren't exactly HUMAN for that matter but that was another story all together.

On a side note, biology be damned, tails and sex DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT! EVER!

The thing was that normally, when he had been sexually assaulted in the past by… well by anything really given Ghost's sadistic sense of humor, it wasn't with Hinata around…

… And he was with a girl that he now remembered he had actually promised to marry in the future back when he was dumber than sliced bread… and she somehow still held a good deal of feelings for him.

So, needless to say, our protagonist's mind was stuck between going on with Shion's advancements, trying to figure out what to do with the revelation that she had somehow managed to not get affected by Ghost's fire, deal with the flaring pain going up his right arm, and manage to figure out how to not get Hinata to absolutely murder him in the next five seconds.

"Naruto."

Given the fact that Hinata was so pissed that she was leaking out a corrupted aura and her eyes were glowing, the latter of the list obviously took priority at the moment.

So, he did the only thing he could think of, given the situation…

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"HOLD HER DOWN!" Waltz Oogakari roared as his arms were wrapped around his suddenly rabid sibling. "ALL NON TRAINED PERSONNEL PLEASE BACK AWAY FROM THE SHADOW! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! WE HAVE A CODE SEVEN! I REPEAT! A CODE SEVEN!"

Crypt's head burst out from the side of a building and proceeded to scream in terror like the world was going to end. Just as practiced.

"FUZZZZIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!" Shadow shrieked to the sky with her mouth literally foaming and her head shaking so much that she was actually making a harmonic sound. "I SENSE TEH FUZZZZIIIIEEEEESSSS!"

Ghost simply drank a beer through all the bandages that encased his head and watched everything with amusement from the sidelines.

"Aren't you going to help out?" Tsume asked with a raised eyebrow.

The blind man shrugged. "Nope. I'm injured. I'd do more harm than good in my state. Thanks for that by the way."

"SHIT! SHE GOT LOOSE! EVERYONE GET OUT OF HER WAY IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES!"

"Anytime." The mother dryly snorted.

She meant it too.

o. o. o.

Back in the Land of Demons:

"So let me get this straight." Tenten deadpanned as she and the rest of the team kneeled before Shion in an elaborate room no doubt meant for political meetings. Hinata, who should be noted to have giant pink hearts in her eyes and smiling like a fool, had a little fox in her arms with wide unblinking dead eyes. "Right after you got here to protect Shion-sama, Naruto…" She nodded to the blue eyed fox. "Who was on the lamb doing whatever he does, popps up from a secret passageway. Then you blast them away when the idiots tried to take advantage of the situation."

"Which we unfortunately lost track of." Choji bowed his head apologetically. "We were winning but they threw out too many high level jutsu for us to counter efficiently in such a populated area without harming the locals. We were busy keeping damage to a minimum to follow them. Sorry."

"We will also fix the damages we were responsible for to the grounds before we leave as well." Shino added.

"I said I'll get rid of the results of my jutsu. Don't rub it in." The Akimichi grumbled sullenly.

"It is not my fault that you did the most notable damage outside." The Aburame shifted his glasses.

"It was either that or get barbecued in an stone oven!" The biggest of the group threw his hands in the air.

"And while we were busting our asses, Hinata was busy trying to put Konoha's walking disaster magnet on a leash again, when our client suddenly makes out in front with him from out of nowhere. So Naruto, being who he is, turned himself into a tiny fox to avoid the oncoming apocalypse on his soul and thus has rendered our leader into a gushing little girl."

"Naruto soft and fuzzy." Hinata smiled to herself happily while squeezing her boyfriend in between her breasts.

" _Kill. Me."_ The fox mentally spoke to his friends.

"There are a few details glossed over, however yes that is the current situation." Shion smiled hesitantly, not exactly sure what to make of it.

"If I may ask Shion-sama… why did you um…" Choji paused as he glanced at Hinata warily. "Do what you did with Naruto?"

Everyone there pretended to ignore the very brief wave of violent intent that washed past their nerves. They also did not pay attention to its source.

The priestess blushed with some embarrassment from the shinobi's and her guard's stares. "I'm afraid that is a private matter that I do not wish to speak at this moment. My apologies."

"Well uh, it's not us that you'll have to ultimately apologize to in the end." The largest one there laughed nervously as he glanced at Hinata in her apparent blissfully unaware state. "Hinata is somewhat, attached to Naruto."

"I love my soft and fuzzy chibi Naruto-kun." Hinata gushed as she rubbed her cheek on top of the motionless fox's head.

"Understatement of the century." Tenten muttered under her breath.

" _This will not end will for anyone. You are clearly aware of this. The only proper course of action in this situation is to kill me. Now go! Go be proactive!"_

"I believe what the point my comrade is trying to make is that at some point we will have to separate these two, and once that happens our leader may not be the most… amicable individual in your presence." Shino elaborated. "Professional yes, but I doubt that she will be, pleasant, once she remembers your actions."

Shion looked at Hinata and Naruto skeptically, prompting the human of the pair to squeeze the latter reflexively. "I see your point, but if they are so close, then why…?"

"Hinata is also one of the handful of people in Konoha that Naruto genuinely fears angering." Tenten grinned with a hint of satisfaction. "And trust me, he's really screwed the pooch recently."

" _Yes I have, and as such I deserve punishment. How about execution? Nice, fast, and all of you have been trained to do it in the blink of an eye since before puberty. Glad we had this discussion. Now how about we get on with what we agreed on?"_

"Regardless, it appears that given the situation, even though Naruto is not on our assigned team, he will be accompanying us for the mission in his current state." Shino observed, looking at the fox for several moments before standing up. "If you will excuse me for a moment."

"Huh?" Tenten blinked in confusion as the Aburame disappeared with a shunshin that left no smoke. "Where are you going Shino? Choji do you have any idea what's up with him?"

The Akimichi was busy pinching the bridge of his nose. "No. At the moment I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually on a mission with Naruto. You know that this can't end well."

"Can't end well?" Shion blinked in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

Tenten laughed nervously. "Ah. Well. The thing Shion-sama… is kinda… missions with Naruto involved have a tendency of getting… messy. Real fast. In fact, out of our group, Choji, me and Shino are the only ones that haven't-"

"YES! FUCKING FINALLY!" An unfamiliar voice shouted at the top of his lungs from outside, interrupting the kunoichi's explanation.

"Uh…" Choji blinked in confusion as he turned around. "Who was that?"

"That was Shino silly." Hinata dreamily answered, still only halfway in reality. "He sounds really happy."

"I'M NOT LEFT OUT OF THE LOG DAMN ACTION FOR ONCE!"

"Holy crap." Tenten's eyes were wide in shock. "I don't think I've ever hear an Aburame be so loud before."

"I don't think I've ever heard of an Aburame being loud period." Choji's expression matched Tenten's.

" _I am disappointed in the lack of killing me that is happening. Rectify this."_ Naruto mentally commanded.

"I WILL NOT BE BLUE BALLED THIS TIME!"

"Uh… Hinata? Does Shino have some repressed emotions that he hasn't been sharing with the rest of us?" Tenten asked hesitantly.

"Oh it's nothing serious." The Hyuuga replied without hesitation. "He just feels constantly ignored and inadequate since he never seems to be picked or around whenever one of the larger missions comes by. From what he's said it's a constant occurrence that happens to many in his clan."

"Why didn't he speak up about it?" Choji laughed nervously.

" _Because your father was a horse and your mother reeks of elderberries! Are you mad? Good! Now kill me!"_

"He did. Problem is that most Aburame tend to be easily ignored or forgotten when it comes to picking people out. What with the way they act and the way they dress. They're not exactly the most outgoing people in most senses you know." Hinata's euphoric smile was really starting to creep everyone out.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

"Do remind me of this when I'm picking out teammates for my next mission will you?" Choji shivered in fear. The thought of pushing an Aburame over the edge had suddenly become a new fear of his.

"Only if you do the same buddy." Tenten laughed nervously.

" _I realize that this is indeed a daunting quest I have tasked you with my comrades. The might of the great beast Hinata is not one that many would willingly invoke. However I believe that with your combined might you can surpass the challenges ahead, and cut my fucking head off."_

Shino warped into reality in the exact spot he had left, as stoic as ever. "I apologize for taking so long. Have I missed anything?"

"Nothing of significance Aburame-san." Shion smiled hesitantly.

" _Shino. As the future savior of the world I demand you strike me down now."_ Naruto's dead gaze turned to the returning insect user.

"I see." He replied absently with his glasses flashing momentarily. "So how shall we proceed from here?"

" _Don't you dare ignore me. I know you heard my orders."_

" _Technically speaking, I'm your superior officer. You're still a chunin and everyone else our age is special jonin or higher now."_ Shino mentally replied, well versed in this form of silent communication.

" _Mother fucker! Everyone blasted past me again?! I can't catch a break!"_ The fox's eye twitched for several seconds, but otherwise did not move in the slightest.

" _If it makes you feel any better, we still consider you the most terrifying non-Oogakari individual from Konoha."_

" _Really?"_

" _No. That's a lie. Hinata stole that position from you years ago. You're more of a source of bad luck to us now."_

" _That's it. The second I get back I'm going to wreck at least two teams at once and put the fear of me back into everyone. Possibly traumatize some genin as well to ensure that the fear sticks for the next generation."_

" _I'll keep that in mind. By the way, how would you save the world if we did kill you?"_

" _I'd find a way around it. It wouldn't be the first time."_

" _What unnerves me the most is that I honestly believe you are speaking the truth."_ The Aburame sweatdropped.

"I must go to the location of where the demon Moryo's body is sealed in the land of Swamps so I can reinforce the protections on it. After I do that he won't be able to even come close to it for at least another hundred years and his powers in general will be weakened." Shion replied, however the shinobi there couldn't help but notice her tone indicated that she was not worried in the slightest about the current situation. "It will take several days to get there, and I fear that we will be attacked by those four shinobi and Moryo's army en route."

"Demon huh?" Tenten grinned dryly as her eyes shifted from Naruto to her male teammates and back to Naruto again. "Sounds interesting."

"I can already tell how this is going to end." Choji groaned.

"Yesssssssss." Shino pumped a fist in victory.

" _You do realize that your goal is to ultimately ensure that the demon doesn't return to his body, right?"_ Naruto's dead eyes momentarily deadpanned.

" _But we are also aware of the odds of that actually happening while you're around."_ The three leered at the fox, knowing exactly what was going through his mind this time.

Hinata squeezed Naruto reflexively, misinterpreting their stares for another reason entirely. "No! You can't have him! He's mine!"

" _Then kill me and end the curse. You'd be killing two birds with one stone. It's basic economics! The fate of the world lies in your hands!"_ The jinchuriki all but glared back at them.

" _Between a rampaging demon with an army and an angry Hinata, we'll take the demon."_ The three deadpanned.

" _Cowards! How dare you take the easy way out!"_

Shion coughed, grabbing everyone's attention. "I know this may be a bit out of place, but I believe that despite Naruto-san's untimely appearance and his reputation, I believe that this would be for the best. In fact I had requested him personally to be on this mission."

The four human shinobi blinked in confusion before looking at one another to see if someone knew of this. "Sorry, but this is the first time I'm hearing of this." Tenten spoke for the three of them.

"Ah well I thought that it would be good to have the infamous Feral Gale as part of my security given his track record when it comes to escort missions." Shion looked away embarrassed and with a slight blush. "Also, the thing is that there is a second part to this mission. After everything is set and done, I had requested to be escorted to Konoha."

" _My self preservation senses are tingling."_ Naruto leered at the priestess. _"They are only set off by events that will cause me great pain and anguish of the variety that I can't shrug off with my fucked up behavior. Shion, for the love of all that is holy please do not go into further detail. I don't think I can handle any more punishment for the day."_

"Really?" Choji blinked in confusion. "What business do you have in Konoha?"

The white haired girl coughed, the blush still on her face. "Ah, well, I am afraid that is of a private matter that I do not wish to discuss for the moment."

"… _And suddenly I have an even greater urge to not go back home after this than I did before."_

o. o. o.

Somewhere in Demon Country:

"We failed." The four shinobi brothers crouched on one knee with their heads down in front of their leader. "The priestess hired some shinobi from Konoha to protect her. They were stronger than we thought and we ended up wasting the chakra you gave us in order to escape."

"I see." The twisted doctor closed his eyes, betraying no emotion. "Konoha has been gaining a reputation as of late for their latest generation. I can only assume that you have encountered some of them."

"They wouldn't have stood a chance against us if we had more of your power." The masked brother growled eagerly. "We almost had that fat one before we ran out of juice."

They didn't bother to mention that "the fat one" had nearly killed them all at least three times each before they had gotten to that point with a well timed collaboration technique. Their pride wouldn't let them.

"It will take some more planning to address the situation, however the situation is far from unmanageable." The pink haired eldest sibling consoled his master.

"See to it that it isn't." The middle aged man evenly replied as several more creatures melted out of the darkness around him and embedded themselves into the eldest.

"We won't disappoint you again boss." The masked one grinned anxiously.

Moments later the four had disappeared.

"… I am not the one you need to fear disappointing." The now lonesome male mused out loud as the demonic spirit in him shifted unnaturally.

o. o. o.

Later that Night:

"Are you sure letting this guy come was a good idea?" Tenten sighed as she glanced at Shion's personal bodyguard Taruho as he treated the priestess' bruises from travelling. "We could easily keep this pace up for days without him."

"He was capable enough to keep up with us for this long." Shino shifted his glasses as he casually leaned up against a tree. In the darkness, only Hinata would have been able to see the countless insects he had scouting the one mile radius around them. "We merely stopped due to the fact that it would not be in our best interests for Shion-sama to arrive at the shrine exhausted."

"All in all she's taking the situation better than most royalty." Choji shrugged. "Travelling rations. No fire. Long trips on my back. Most daimyo would have cracked by now."

Naruto's eyebrow (still in fox form) twitched as he recalled his first time travelling with the girl. The amount of food she had thrown in literally everyone's faces on their first night would have been enough to throw the Akimichi into a blind rage. _"Oh Choji my friend you have no idea…"_

"Staying rested will ensure that we will be able to deal with those annoying shinobi should they come later." Hinata lectured, still in a dazed tone with Naruto in her hands.

"Excuse me, but can I ask why Naruto is still in a fox's body?" Shion asked curiously.

" _Two legs bad. Four legs good."_

"He's still like that because the second he changes back Hinata will maim him horrifically." Tenten chuckled. "Not that he doesn't deserve it, but to be honest seeing him like this for so long is almost punishment enough."

" _I feel your love Tenten. It feels like your soul. Covered in sharp objects."_

"But won't that prevent him from helping out on the mission?" The white haired girl tilted her head to the side in confusion.

The shinobi there paused for a moment before glancing at one another skeptically before they all laughed dryly and Choji spoke up. "Sorry for confusing you Shion-sama, but we have no intention of letting Naruto participating in the mission."

"What?" Taruho blinked in confusion and stood up. "Why wouldn't you? He's a great asset!"

" _I want his hat."_ The supposed great asset looked at the servant's rather tall and cumbersome headpiece.

"It's a stupid and selfish reason, but one that we all agree on." Tenten grinned with a glint in her eye. "Please don't think any less for us."

"Keep in mind that Naruto was here by sheer happenstance." Shino nodded his head. "Had he not appeared at all the situation would not have changed in the slightest."

There was a brief pause as everyone watched Hinata sigh in content and rubbed her head on top of Naruto's for the xth time that day.

"Wouldn't go that far Shino." Tenten laughed. "Haven't seen Hinata that blissfully happy in years."

" _Because of your inactivity I am going to die like this. Stuck between the deceptively supple mounds of fear incarnate. Unable to return to the world of man and ramen. I hope you are happy with yourselves."_

"They are that close then?" Shion longingly looked at Naruto with an unreadable expression on her face.

The sane Konoha shinobi looked at one another for a few moments before Shino spoke up. "It would be difficult to find someone closer to Naruto than Hinata is. Despite their behavior, I would not find it unbelievable if they would be willing to die for one another."

" _But he's died for me once already…"_ Shion reminded herself, giving her the confidence to continue with her plans. "I see. I am a bit envious then. Rare is it that-!"

_Tingle_

The priestess' eyes widened and took on a kaleidoscopic image for several seconds before it faded away and she sank to her knees.

"Shion-sama!" Taruho shouted in alarm as he supported her. "A vision?"

"Oh?" Tenten frowned. "So that was one of her famed accurate predictions then?"

"Something certainly just happened." Choji grimaced. "Even I could feel something was off right then."

"A minor distortion." Shino noted. "Small, but distinct. The rumors of her powers seem to be more accurate than we assumed."

"An explosion…" The priestess whispered. "We were stopped by a man… and Naruto held him off of us… and shortly after that a massive explosion unlike anything I have ever seen went off where he was and blew us away…"

The group was silent at the declaration before turning to the fox warily.

Said fox simply yawned in boredom, clearly not taking the girl's prediction seriously.

"An explosion huh?" Tenten leered at the fox. "Well that was the most likely way we thought you were going to get killed if it wasn't by Hinata."

" _Third on the list was me finally loosing it and everyone joining together to put my rampaging self down."_ Naruto mused offhandedly. _"Fourth was me loosing it and doing something so incredibly stupid that everyone joined together to put my retarded self down. Fifth was ramen overdose."_

"Did he have to take us out with him?" Choji groaned.

"No. No one is taking my Naruto away from me. That includes you Naruto." Hinata's grip on the jinchuriki tightened to the point that the topic of conversation began struggling for air and to relieve pressure on his right arm.

"I believe that we should be focusing on the most important part of the prediction." Shino frowned. "She said that it was but a single man that we confronted and that Naruto held him off for us. Which means that he was someone that the rest of us could not appropriately handle, and that he is likely not among those that attacked earlier."

The shinobi looked at one another skeptically. "Did you see what the man was dressed in?" Tenten asked. "Was it a black coat with red clouds?"

Shion shook her head. "No. I couldn't get a good look at him but I'm certain that wasn't it. He wasn't one of the ones that attacked earlier either."

"A third party. How problematic." Shino shifted his glasses.

"The curse strikes again." Choji leered at the fox.

" _Hey. Don't blame me. I tried to get you to off me while you had your chance but you blew it."_

"You don't seem overly concerned with Shion-sama's prediction despite her warning…" Taruho frowned. "Normally those from outside of our lands would be more conflicted when she makes her predictions."

Tenten smirked. "Oh we're tweaked from hearing this, but unlike others, we are used to shit like this happening, and we have fair warning this time."

"But your friend will be at the heart of the explosion." The assistant stepped forward with a frown. "How can you brush off his demise so easily?"

Choji snorted. "You clearly don't know Naruto. Explosions and him go hand in hand like stomachs and food. If anyone can survive a massive blowout it's him. Especially if it's one of his own making."

" _Still working out the kinks on getting out of range for my strongest move, but I will not point it out for now. Not like its easy getting out of the way of an explosion that can wipe out a small country. Probably would make several people shit themselves if I actually admitted urk!"_

"Right. The only thing he's allowed to not escape from is me." Hinata tightened her hold on him, inadvertently putting pressure on his right arm.

"Um, Hinata-san?" Shion blinked and looked as the fox began to thrash about in pain. "I think you're actually hurting him this time."

"Don't be silly." Hinata pouted while putting more pressure on him to prove her point. "Naruto is really strong. There's no way something as simple as this could actually-"

Snap.

"Eh?" Everyone blinked at the sound of the fox's healing right arm breaking in three spots and causing him enough pain to pass out foaming at the mouth.

"Oh my Log Hinata actually killed him!" Tenten shouted in genuine surprise and backed up a few steps. "I didn't think it would happen so soon!"

"Oh man. This is bad. I don't know how but I have a feeling the curse just magnified right now." Choji whimpered as his eyes began to dart everywhere. "It's like pulling apart a wishbone, only for the center part to break apart and fly into your mom's eyes. That happened once when I was a kid, and dad's and my life was hell for a week."

"… I am beginning to see why he was so adamant on having his vacation without telling anyone." Shino spoke more to himself than anyone else.

"Naruto!" Hinata snapped out of her daze for the first time since her boyfriend had gone fuzzy on her and instantly put him on the ground for a quick medical checkup. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you that much! I…" She paused as she inspected his body with her byakugan, more specifically his right arm and the blemishes of skin that were hidden by his fur. "What… what happened to you?"

"Why don't I like the sound of that?" Tenten frowned as the Hyuga began to shift over patches of fur to get a better look at the fox's body.

"I broke his arm when I squeezed to hard, but only because it's fractured all over in the first place… this was recent damage." The powerful medic diagnosed her patient. " _But that doesn't explain these scars and marks all over his back and body. He was tortured multiple times at different intervals and in different styles too… meaning that this wasn't a coordinated event. There are also clear signs of exhaustion over a long period of time, but even then that doesn't explain the scar tissue encompassing his entire head… the fact that he's scarred at all is astounding given his regeneration abilities."_

"It appears that he had encountered something of note shortly before us." Shino stared at his friend. "The fact that it wasn't healed by now is concerning. It indicates that he suffered significant damage when first obtained."

"He's recently been starved too." Hinata scanned his body with a medical diagnostic jutsu. "He's eaten well for the last week or so, and his body seems to have fully recovered from that, but there does seem to be a few lingering wounds outside of his right arm."

"Impressive." Taruho mused as he watched from a distance. "Even in a different body she is able to ascertain his profile quickly. She must be an astounding medic."

"She does have a reputation to be proficient at things she puts her mind to." Shino admitted as he stepped forward. "Tenten. Choji. You and I will be on guard duty while Hinata treats Naruto. We don't want to slow down the healing process, and I prefer him to be in ideal shape should things turn unfavorable."

"Will he be ok?" Shion asked concerned.

"All we can do for now is let him rest. The mission takes priority for the moment, so we will have to wait before giving him more advanced treatment." Hinata didn't look up. " _And given how exhausted his body is I would recommend him doing that for the entire trip. It looks like he's been running off of only a few hours a day for months on end. This is similar to shinobi I've treated that have undergone extremely stressful missions gone wrong, but I've never encountered anyone that's had these symptoms untreated for so long…"_

She reached for the fox's head again to diagnose the scar tissue, but momentarily flinched as she felt a lingering aura around it. The sensation was exceptionally faint, not even the dregs of what originally had afflicted the jinchuriki were there, but what she could gather was that it wasn't natural…

… No. That wasn't true. The uncomfortable feeling was completely natural in an unnerving way, but the fact that it was there in the first place caught her off guard. Because of its unnatural "natural" feeling, she would have completely missed it if she wasn't paying attention. She had no doubt that it was this peculiar stain of power that was responsible for his scarring.

"What on earth did sensei do to you?" She muttered under her breath as she shook her head and began to focus on the damages that she had inadvertently done. She had no doubts that she would have to put the limb in a cast by the time her task was done.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in Iwa:

Sighing to himself in frustration, the Merchant stood in front of the guarded room and gathered his nerves again. He hated doing this since his first encounter, but since no one else in the organization within fifty miles had learned to not piss themselves in the presence of something that could murder them with half a thought… and was contemplating just that, he was the only one that would continue to do this.

"They make anyone chunin these days." He muttered under his breath in annoyance as the guards unlocked the door for him to walk inside.

He didn't even make a step before he could feel the metaphysical hot breath assault his nerves and hungry eyes upon him from inside the chamber. There was no doubt a beast inside that room, no doubt about it.

"Really now? You're not even letting me get inside before I get such treatment?" He asked while walking inside without care, ignoring the sounds of the door closing behind him.

Hana Inuzuka merely gazed upon him with sharp eyes from the opposite wall. The tremendous ghost like wolf bitch behind her stood without any issues despite being in a cramped space, its head and jaw hovering right over his.

The Merchant scratched his head in frustration. "I try to give you some leeway one time and you throw it back in my face. And people wonder why Iwa doesn't like Konoha."

"Leeway doesn't normally come in the form of blatant lies." The twenty one year old growled softly. Much like Anko she had seen better days, with several fingers blatantly broken, twice as many nails split, both wrists broken, one arm broken, two missing teeth, a broken nose, burns littering her back right side, and her clothes in such tatters that she might as well not wear anything above her waist. She looked far better since first being captured though, and many suspected that she was somehow using medical techniques when no one was looking, but no one could prove it yet.

The Merchant was certain that she could kill him as easily as the serpent woman if she had the chance.

It didn't help his case that he had attempted to use what he had learned from his encounter from Anko to try to fool Hana into thinking that she had betrayed everyone. Despite the fact that she was slightly more compliant with following the rules… well let's just say that she wasn't exactly cooperative after his failed attempt. Clearly he did not know as much as he had thought, else she would have not caught onto his bullshit so quickly.

"I admit," He started his excuse, ignoring the fake hot breath he was feeling from the beast looking at him hungrily. "I may have overstepped my position a bit. However it still does not change your situation does it? I'm still able to get out, and you aren't."

The girl gave him a deadly look that he had no trouble translating: _Get to the point or else we will see how valid that statement really is._

The Merchant dropped his casual demeanor instantly, his face becoming expressionless. "You really don't get your situation do you? If I don't get something out of you soon, it doesn't matter if you are a name, or that you are a heiress, because you will be dead, and your body won't be buried under eighty feet of dirt and stone."

"Sing another song little bird. I've heard this one before." The Inuzuka all but whispered, her throat dry from the minimal water she was given. Above him the ghost wolf's mouth revealed a large number of sharp teeth.

He hated these prisoners. Most he could poison over a long period of time or get physical with and torture, but these two were just so damn dangerous that it was impossible to do either one of those things well without the proper equipment. "If what your friend is true, then my village is the only major one that is left unprepared for whatever the fuck the rest of the major villages are gearing up for. It certainly isn't Iwa. Kiri may hold a grudge against us but not enough to wipe us out and risk all out war on the other side of the fucking country for no reason. Now unlike my supervisors, I actually have patience. Unfortunately, I don't decide on what happens to you. So if you keep quiet, you'll find yourself unable to make any sound forever."

The Kunoichi chuckled briefly. "You kill us? You might as well kill all of Iwa down to the last infant…"

"Well it sucks for the infants then, because my bosses don't buy that bullshit you two keep on serving us." The man whispered staring without hesitation. "Organizing all the countries together without anyone knowing is believable, unlikely but possible. Destroying a hidden village on the other hand? Not fucking likely."

"Big talk, coming from the only one who is afraid in this cell." The woman grinned softly, stretching the dirty, tight, and dry skin on her face.

"Afraid and realistic." The man's tone was only slightly intimidating. "Let me tell you what is happening, girl. As of right now, all we know is that all of the other main countries are gathering together for some big secret fiasco and Iwa wasn't invited. If we don't learn anything more now, we will likely kill you, then make plans regarding the other nations out of blind frustration. It will be sloppy. It will be violent. It will be distracting. And when Iwa distracts everyone else, they won't be able to focus on whatever the hell you're trying to focus on. Then everything you worked so hard on falls apart. Now then, does that sound like a more probable outcome of what might happen after today?"

"And while all this is going on, the rats hide until the dust settles to feast on the dead." Hana made eye contact with the man, seemingly looking through his entire being.

For the first time, the Merchant donned a genuine smile. "Rats are rather tenacious survivors Inuzuka. They are just as… stubborn and virulent as humans when it comes to self preservation. Simply not caring at all about the condition of what or who might be in their way if it means survival."

The room was silent for several moments before Hana mimicked the man's face. "Not if what's coming kills the rats too."

"You sound sure of that." The interrogator did not change his demeanor or posture in the slightest. "Rats are quite difficult creatures to kill off completely."

"Ah… but shouldn't that make you more afraid, little rat?" Hana's projection seemed to smile knowingly, revealing even more horrifically large teeth than before. "Anything that would be able to wipe out even your kind with ease should it arrive… well that would certainly be a terrifying thing to behold wouldn't it? Certainly it would be something that the major nations would take the utmost care to prepare for. They wouldn't desire any unwanted avoidable issues popping up, would they?"

The message was loud and clear. As far as the other nations were concerned, Iwa was a problem for the mysterious chaos to come, not a solution. As a result, it would be thrown to the wolves if things did not clean up for them soon.

"Tell me what the threat is." He ordered bluntly.

The wolf's nose flared, taking in his scent. "Not likely, little scared rat. Not when I know you're just trying to save yourself."

A hand darted out.

Blood flew everywhere.

A grunt of pain.

The Merchant stumbled back holding his right hand, now short his pinkie. "Son of a…"

Hana spat out the digit at her captor as if it was another piece of bad meat. Some of the leather glove that he was wearing was still around the base. "Daughter. Get your sex's right if anything else."

He quickly picked up his removed limb, not taking his eyes off of the woman's haunting glare.

She was given minimal food and water, and sleep deprived whenever possible. The prison smelled of the feces and urine that piled the corner of the room that was cleared up twice a week to make sure that she didn't catch anything. She was given drugged food to make her dizzy and constantly feel sick. She barely had any light, and the only human interaction she really had was with the interrogator himself…

After such treatment, her body and mind should be at an all time low. Only veterans should be able to handle this sort of treatment for extended periods of time without breaking…

So why the hell was this GIRL and the other woman still so god damn terrifying? He could understand Orochimaru's apprentice handling these conditions for a few more months before cracking, but not the Inuzuka.

Deciding that cleaning and treating his wound was more important than continuing on with the charade, the interrogator hammered on the door so that the guards would let him out. Given how loud he knocked compared to what he normally did, he probably shouldn't have been surprised by the speed at which they took to comply with his wishes.

"Best hurry. Given how dirty the floor of this room is, I wouldn't give you much time before you can't reattach that." The girl smirked as the door opened.

"I hope you enjoyed the taste dog. Because it is the last treat you will have in a long time." The man sneered, dropping his impassive act.

Hana spat to the side. "Rats taste disgusting, no matter how you cook them."

He turned around and began to walk out the door.

"Good luck with your petty infighting." Hana's voice taunted from behind. "So busy with meaningless squabbles, you never see that Iwa has been the closest to the bigger problem all along."

He turned around with wide eyes, just in time to see the door close with the girl smirking at him in the shadows.

"That bitch…"

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations…

"Out one whore house and into another." Sylvia sighed as she followed Scabbard into another one of his establishments, not at all caring about the looks she was getting from those that knew of the Oogakari's identity. By her calculations, they had traveled roughly five hundred miles to get to where they were. A significant length to some, a minor step to someone of their capabilities. "You really know how to treat a girl."

"I'd assume so. My establishments are profitable enough to lead to that conclusion." The man absently replied as he strolled through the building, knowing exactly where he was heading.

"Oi sir." A rather sloppily dressed tall woman in a pink and black kimono slurred, clearly intoxicated. "You're not supposed to go there. Authorized personnel only." She grinned and shifted her dress so that more of her mediocre breasts were visible. "Well, I could get ya in if ya were a customer…"

"Shizuka!" Hissed a woman clearly in her aging years, but clad in a far more proper kimono, as she rushed up to cut the latter off mid speach. "What do you think you are doing! Wasting Papa's time like this!"

"Papa?" The drunk woman blinked in confusion as she looked at Scabbard with skepticism. "This short foreigner is the one that murph!"

"A newbie I take it." The immortal's expression didn't change as the elder woman put her hand over the younger's mouth.

"My niece." The matron frowned. "A no good layabout, but family none the less."

"A feeling that I am all too familiar with." Scabbard was instantly going over the latest sums of money that his blood relatives owed him. When people asked him how much they owed him, the number he gave out was not what the damage was… it was the number of digits that the damage was in.

"Looks like you have another unruly employee Scab." Sylvia grinned as she finally caught up to the man before giving an amused look at the normal women. "I'd be very careful if I were you. He doesn't look like it, but your papa is a notoriously sadistic and cruel person if you get on his bad side. I've experienced it first hand."

"Really?" The drunk woman snorted. "I doubt he's worse than Gato."

"I will address this issue later." The alchemist spoke up before turning to the matron. "I'm here for the unruly acquisitions that you took in. Where are they?"

The mother of the house blinked in confusion. "Those wild things? Why would… no, never mind. Please follow me."

Leaving the inebriated woman behind, the three walked throughout the corridors of the building, travelling several flights down into the larger than suspected basement of the building until they finally reached an otherwise common door.

"We found them about a week ago." The mother fumbled with the keys. "At first they looked reasonable enough, if not a bit dangerous looking. They seemed to understand human speech well enough. However as they recovered they became more wild and tried multiple times to escape. Several of the girls and some of the boys were cut up the last time just to put them down, even when they were still quite injured. The only reason why we still are able to hold them is because of these specialty rooms that you made with the building."

The lock clicked as she turned the key. "Perhaps you can do something about them Papa. I don't honestly know how long we can keep this up if they persist on acting this way…"

The door to the room opened to reveal a moderately sized room that was fairly trashed. There were several beds that were torn apart. The walls, floors and ceiling were scratched up. There was brown food everywhere, and the remains of what appeared to be toys were just as frequent.

Staring back at the group though, which was what had everyone's attention, were three massive wolves with their teeths bared silently. All three had seen better days with burns, cuts, and injuries all over their bodies. Two of their limbs were set completely in casts, one of them had an ear clearly burnt off, and another had bandages that encompassed so much of its head that you could barely see the only eye shining underneath them.

"You certainly were not joking when you said they weren't being cooperative." Sylvia mused as she walked inside with Scabbard without any hesitation.

"Thank you for your efforts. I'll take it from here." The Legacy's Prophet thanked the matron before silently closing the door behind him.

No one made a single noise or sound as he walked across the room to where one of the few unbroken chairs lay on its side, picked it up, and then sat in it facing the triplets.

A single spark of genuine agitation in the form of emerald lightning shot around his body.

Even Sylvia knew better than to speak out of turn despite her curiosity.

"Tell me everything."

o. o. o.

A/N:

Welp. New chapter. Sorry for the wait. Lots of stuff going on in life at the moment. If you read FFD then you should have a good idea of what I'm talking about.

So yeah. Hinata's got a deathgrip on Naruto. The triplets are in Scabs care. Shino is happy. More ominous backstory on the Oogakari. Shion remembers Naruto. And I'm tired as fuck.

Also, my birthday is tomorrow, and GAME OF THRONES SEASON 4 IS OUT TONIGHT! CELEBRATE FOR WE CAN ONCE MORE WATCH MIDGETS HAVING SEX WITHOUT FEEING WEIRD ABOUT OURSELVES!

I'll try to get more chapters of the fic out this year. Florida just took me a while to get set up in.

I know I focused a bit too much on Naruto's condition on this chapter, but I needed to show everyone's reactions to his various states sooner or later. It won't be a constant thing until he really starts bugging out for one reason or another.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! SEE HOW MANY ODD REFERENCES I HAVE PACKED INTO THIS CHAPTER! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Nine: Progress doesn't have to be in a right or wrong direction. It just needs to go somewhere. Too bad I have no idea where my head is going at times.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

In a whore house:

Sylvia slammed the door behind her, leaving only her and Scabbard in the private room next to the one they had just exited.

"TWO?!" She hissed in near hysterics. Gone was her calm persona. Gone was her confident demeanor. Her sense of control, something that virtually any existence that had the right and realized potential to be considered equivalent to that of a God, had been utterly shattered by what she had just learned. "Your brother has spontaneously developed romantic feelings for TWO women in this universe?! And you didn't think that it would be a decent thought to WARN me about this?!"

"I did try to get you out. You did take note that I was more stubborn about it than normal." The emotionless immortal pointed out without shame. "Clearly the blame lies with you."

"I thought you were simply involved in a decent project for once. Or that there was some unique compound available here that you were experimenting on. Something that caught your childish obsession with experimenting. Not THIS! Ghost is the GOD OF NONE!" Sylvia snarled. "If there was anything that could genuinely end the multiverse in its entirety, Gods and all, it's HIM! And having him in a relationship after so long is like priming the ultimate bomb after being inactive for several centuries!"

"I'm familiar enough with my family that I am aware of their habits and the effects that their emotions have on them." Scabbard droned bored.

"Well apparently not enough to remember how on edge virtually every other superpower was when word got out that he was the one who killed Sasha!" The woman snapped, not at all bothering to pay attention to the fact that the building around her was changing textures, colors, and materials in irregular patterns and shapes.

When she noticed these changes, she manage to take a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "There is a REASON why everyone leaves his wives alone. Unless you forgotten, the FIRST time some deities got the bright idea to try and put him in his place by severely altering his loved ones, resulting in him being forced to kill his second wife, it sparked the Thousand Night War. He actually put a scar on the multiverse so big it's used now as major navigation landmark as a result of that fiasco. I repeat. He made a major navigation landmark in a proven infinite layered range of existences."

"War." Scab snorted. "Anyone who isn't blinded by the "history" that the gods pass knows what it really was. A bloodbath."

"Stop ignoring my point!" Sylvia desperately attempted to rein in her temper. "As much as I loved Sasha, and you know damn well that we were good friends outside of Shadow's line of sight, I couldn't help but be relieved when I learned that your brother not only DIDN'T go on another record scale rampage and scar a swath of the multiverse, _again_ , but that he had regressed. Alcoholism. Drugs. Prostitution. Inactivity. His involvement with major multidimensional events fell by more than a half after Sasha died. Do you have any idea just how many people breathed out in relief when they heard that the God of None had decided to not give a shit about the bigger events in the multiverse?"

"I believe it was what started the increase in retarded idiots that thought it was fine to call him by his title in front of his face and expect to live past the next ten seconds." Scabbard dryly mused. "That little fad ended quite quickly."

"Why are you not taking this more seriously?" Sylvia stepped up close and poked the man in the chest hard. Normally she would nowhere be stupid enough to do such a thing, but she was beyond caring at this point. "It was only dumb luck that he didn't destroy everything the last time! Who knows how he would react if they were killed just as he's getting out of his funk?!"

"You know better than anyone that dumb luck doesn't work for us that conveniently where Ghost is concerned." Scabbard snorted.

"Sure. And next you're going to say that you actually did know what the cause of Sasha's condition was." Sylvia rolled her eyes.

"Of course I did." Scab replied simply.

"Of course you…" The woman's rampage stopped in a heartbeat and her face instantly grew pale. "Y-You did?"

The lightning user's expression didn't change in the slightest.

"You really did…" Sylvia backed up a step. The pit that had been forming in her stomach for the past ten minutes instantly tripled in size. "B-But then why didn't you tell anyone? No. How come you didn't address it? The fact that Sasha was suffering from some sort of brain ailment that even you claimed to be helpless against confused anyone that was in the know."

"… Remember that biomancer you dated after that dimension jumper gathering fiasco?"

"The one where that dragon tried to mind rape half the guests or the one where Crypt somehow got his hands on that vat of mutated Ghost Pepper chili?"

"The chili incident."

"Around the chili incident… you mean Rafiq? Tall. Dark skin. Social. Incredibly good looking and compassionate. Opposite of you in almost every way personality wise except he ran a rival biochem and biomancy company and was also filthy rich?"

"He was also part of one of those groups that constantly hounded my family on the side, and funded them extensively to boot, if you recall." Scab elaborated as his eyes narrowed considerably. "And thanks to _someone_ , he had gained enough information on our process for treating Sasha that he had developed an interesting little concoction in his spare time."

Sylvia's complexion paled further. She vaguely remembered letting a few bits about the treatment slip here and there, but only to keep her hand in a few circles. Most experienced reality travelers did this out of necessity, even if they were near the top of the food chain. Even the Family did it more often than not, and they were big enough to be considered a whole slew of circles by themselves. She honestly didn't believe that the bare scraps of what she had fed the group would amount to anything, but apparently she had been horrifically wrong.

"Said concoction, when compared to the very carefully calculated treatments made to Sasha, had, when digested, altered her body's very genetic structure to essentially develop and devolve the mind in a way that would mimic an extremely potent, yet slow acting phenomena that resembled what's commonly known or referred to as Alzheimer's syndrome. Quite ingenious really, considering in the end all it did was occasionally change one specific single section in her DNA. It was extremely difficult to catch, even in the most afflicted areas. When ingested by anyone else, it would do nothing. Nearly impossible to detect or point out had anyone not have an original copy of her genetic code on hand, and meticulously compare it to not only what her code was then, but what it should have been had nothing been tampered with. The end result was that, combined with our treatments, her very body would naturally change and degenerate."

Scab looked at his nails as if they were far more interesting than what he was talking about. "I had in fact discovered this before my dear sister in law's demise, however the main issue was that her mental condition had already deteriorated to alarming levels. Restoring her memories would not have been so difficult had the ailment also rendered a good physical portion of her mind… difficult to utilize. I had actually treated her for her genetic alterations, but by then the damage had been done to her mind and her soul. Especially the latter given the nature of her rather potent spiritual powers. Any form of healing would only affect the body while leaving her mental functions a wreck. Ghost's flame may have had some results, however you are aware of how dangerous a concentrated blast of that phenomena can be to any individual existence. Regardless, I was going to recommend such a path as a last result to my brother when Sasha uttered her final words and triggered my brother's infamous reaction."

Sylvia could not help but shiver in fear for many reasons and smile nervously. It never boded well for anyone whenever Scab decided to divulge important unknown information to others. "And Rafiq?"

"I admit. It took me nearly a decade after the incident to track down the cause of Sasha's condition." The short immortal didn't look away from his nails. "That alone spoke much about the man's capability to cover his tracks. However it appeared to be his only other strong point other than his impressive biomancy and managing skills. Using very legal methods, I tore apart and absorbed his company with laughable ease, as you recall. No doubt he suspected that I was aware of what he had done as he had tried to hide himself within the realms of an unknown universe, however he unfortunately did not hide his tracks nearly as well that time…

"His whores became mine. His fortune became mine. His property became mine. His research became mine. His history became mine. His future became mine. His family became mine. His home became mine. His hope became mine. His existence became mine." The sadistic genius alchemist listed off his achievements in revenge with a mechanical coldness that somehow did nothing to hide the utmost rage and loathing that saturated it.

"Only after all that had passed, did I allow myself the satisfaction of playing with him in person."

And he wondered why Sylvia was scared of him the most out of his family.

The woman didn't notice the sweat coming down her forehead. "He's still alive."

It was not a question, but a statement.

The man's lips twitched slightly in amusement, as if hearing a mildly funny joke.

"He's been quite an interesting test subject. I've learned so many things from running his soul though a unique cycle, where he would develop through the majority of his adolescent and young adult years in a satisfactory if not ideal environment, unaware of what I have done to him. Then at the peak, I would restore all of the locked away memories and proceed to test one experiment on him or another continuously. Not without some care of course, but he would still eventually break after about five years or so on average depending on what I was testing on at the time. Then I would simply lock away his memories again and repeat the process, using his misguided time growing up again to heal and ensure that he did not fall apart faster the next time he reaches peak experimenting condition. I'm currently testing how many times I can do this before his very soul breaks beyond repair, use, or reincarnation."

Sylvia swallowed dryly, knowing that she was not going to like where this conversation was going soon. It was easy to forget, but out of the entire Family, Scabbard usually was the one that took top prize when it came to most cruel and drawn out punishments. Even then, what Rafiq was going through was certainly a significant jump from what she had anticipated Scab of doing. Breaking a soul was not unheard of, but to do so through pure physical means over a period of time lasting centuries and keeping the subject aware and freshly tortured through nearly the entire thing… that took a master's skill.

And the master in question had been enjoying himself for four hundred years at least.

"Well, no one can claim that you have lost your touch."

"I plan on releasing a number of recordings and videos of Rafiq's trials to those who may or may not have known what he had done as a warning not to try anything similar with my new potential in-laws." Scabbard yawned as if talking about the weather and not about the evidence of torturing a man to insanity repeatedly over the course of centuries.

"I bet it will be a hit." Sylvia swallowed again as she managed to get past her fear and realize why Scab was telling her this. He was making her realize that she owed him her life if not very existence. All it took was for him to inform Ghost of what she had inadvertently done and she would be wiped out of the annals of the Multiverse in a heartbeat. Literally. "Who else knows of this?"

"Ghost and Shadow are the only members of my family that are not aware of this, for obvious reasons." The shorter of the two shrugged casually. "The rest have agreed to allow me to hold the reins of this particular play."

"The rest know? Even Crypt? Why would he not tell the others? He hates me." Sylvia blinked in surprise. She and the Devil's Collection never saw eye to eye, sane or not. The man was too enthralled with battle and violence, and his absolute lack of faith in humanity as a whole put the two at odds whenever they had a conversation and Shadow wasn't there trying to murder her.

"Don't flatter yourself Syl. You annoy him. You'd be in a far more precarious position if he genuinely hated you, I assure you of that." The genius waved his hand as if brushing aside her incorrect statement. "Well, not that you've figured out how volatile your situation at the moment anyways…"

"What do you want?" The woman asked stiffly. As much as she could claim that running away from Shadow's wrath on multiple occasions was an interesting if not exciting pastime, the Stained Glass knew better than to incur the wrath of her infamous blind brother and expect to survive. Shadow she could escape from. Ghost she couldn't.

Scab didn't want money. He'd put you in a position to make you owe him financially if he wanted something petty like that. No, what he wanted was for her to actually do something for him. Something that he couldn't do, or didn't want to do…

"It appears you've answered your own question." The male observed with an almost amused tone as Sylvia's face paled considerably.

"Are you trying to kill me?" She shivered and took a step back.

"If I wanted you dead I would have done so long ago and in a far less obvious manner that would pin the blame on someone who I dislike. You should know this by now. Besides, it's not as if I won't provide you with some sort of protection."

"Wonderful. So now I'm only somewhat expected to die now." The woman grunted.

"Considering how often you willingly put yourself around my sister on a whim, this should be no different than normal."

The Stained Glass grit her teeth before finally calming herself down with several more deep breaths. "I want a binding contract on this. You won't ever utter a damn word about what happened if I do this for you. Then bind your brothers to it."

A dull green source of light appeared in the man's hands before quickly fading away, revealing a rather simple small stack of papers. Around the edges were a series of intricate seals and markings to make the contents binding. However both world travelers were more than aware that there was a considerately larger number of them inscribed into the very material itself to make the deal far more powerful than what was shown. Sylvia had seen such contracts effectively bind the greater gods of the multiverse with little issue.

In fact said contracts were the only reason why her brother was still permitted to be alive after everything he had done…

"Standard loopholes?" She asked as she took the sheets from the man's hands and inspected them carefully. One never took a contract from Scabbard and assumed everything was there in black and white.

"The signers may reign on the deal should a major event arise that can only be derived or solved by counteracting the agreement. Definitions and specifications of what "major events" are are on page seventeen." The man repeated as if reading from a script. "You are not allowed to guide a third party in such a way that said party can reason out the subject at hand. I am obligated to ensure your safety for the task I have entrusted you with. Etcetera. Etcetera. And done in triplicate. And of course, the agreements are powered by and enforced by both our powers and our very souls."

"What else?" She frowned. Scab always tried to slip something extra into his deals. He couldn't make one of the wealthiest empires in the multiverse without doing so.

The alchemist didn't even blink. "You are also obligated to fix everything you altered in your minor state of hysteria. You forgot to keep a check on your powers again during your ranting."

The woman paused for a moment before turning around to notice that the room itself was now comprised of a slew of different materials in different sizes and that blended together perfectly. The actual dimensions of the room and the objects had not changed, but everything that it had consisted of was completely altered.

"If possible, I would also appreciate you changing my employees and clients back into their original gender. Unlike me, they are unable to return to their initial states under their own power. Oh… and please turn the triplets back into their original species as well. I don't think they are taking being zebras that well."

There was an awkward pause as a small thump was heard nearby, followed by what sounded like a horse.

"I will provide them all a cover story to explain everything."

Another awkward pause.

"However the finances to keep everyone calm and fix the remainder of everything will be added to your tab."

"I was wondering when you would go there."

o. o. o.

Demon Country:

"Uh… I hate to ask, but… what happened to Naruto?" Tenten asked nervously as she and the rest of the group gathered to eat a quick breakfast.

The other members could not help but nod in their desire to know the answer to the question at hand as they all stared at the fox. Unlike the day before, Hinata had finally allowed herself to be detached from her personal form of crack and was currently with the other humans there.

Said crack was professionally treated with bandages over several parts of his body and his right arm was in a cast, however that was not had caught everyone's attention. Instead they were all focused on the fact that he was blankly staring off into space with the deadest eyes they had ever seen and was foaming at the mouth. Hell, if they didn't know any better, they'd swear they could see his soul trying to escape from his mouth.

" _Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?"_

"Hinata. Did anything happen after we went to rest?" Chouji frowned in confusion.

"No." The Hyuuga shook her head in concern. "We all took turns taking watch as planned. I took the first watch to finish treating him. Then I woke up Shino, and next took Naruto to bed with me. When I woke up he was like this."

"So... you slept with him in your arms then?" Shino asked, slowly and fearfully beginning to piece together what may have happened.

To the side, Shion frowned slightly at the thought of her beloved spending the night in the arms of another woman.

"Yes." Hinata confirmed. "I thought that given what he had been through he'd be most comfortable being with me while he rested." She briefly fell silent. "Also, I did it so that he wouldn't run away while I slept."

"You look like you have an idea what may have happened." Tenten looked at Shino. "Care to tell us?"

The Aburame remained quiet as he allowed himself to accurately guess what had transposed the previous night…

o. o. o.

Flashback.

Naruto had given up his efforts in escaping for the time being.

Even though Hinata had just gone to sleep recently, he was in no condition to leave. It wouldn't have been so bad with his body in this many bandages, but unfortunately the Hyuuga cuddling his small furry body had taken no chances and shut down every single one of his tenketsu save for the vital ones so that he couldn't move. Any attempt to reopen his pressure points would immediately wake the girl up and cause a shit storm that he really didn't want to deal with at the moment.

So for the time being he had decided to cut his losses and allow himself to rest. Despite the fact that he was still likely to encounter a great deal of pain once he returned to normal, the initial fear of his condition had a bated a bit. All things considered, he was quite comfortable in his current position… more so than he had been in a long…

"Mmmm." Hinata moaned softly as she held his small body to hers. "Narutooo…"

It was a surprise that no one heard the fox's eyes widen so suddenly that the sound of glass breaking was actually made.

"So good." The girl muttered as her body began to shift more. "Touch me more…"

Oh dear log how could he have forgotten this?

"Harder… do what you want to me… surprise me…"

He had absolutely forgotten about Hinata's habit of dirty sleep talking whenever they had spent some time together beforehand.

It was one thing to have your girlfriend dirty talk to you.

It was a completely different thing when said girlfriend had good reason to harm you, was capable of performing said harming with great efficiency, and you were literally in her hands.

"Aaanh. Where did you get that rope from?"

Comfort gone. Happy thoughts very far away now.

" _ **Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"**_ The nine tailed fox inside of him laughed without restraint at his container's current situation. He didn't find the actual event so amusing as it was the fact that it was horrifically tormenting the boy in general.

" _Why?"_ The jinchuriki wept as if he was a kicked puppy, trying not to pay attention to the scent of the human female cuddling him going into heat…

… And then Hinata locked his tail between her legs.

The second sound of glass breaking that night was no doubt his already fragile mind shattering into countless tiny pieces.

"Mmm. I can't move my hands… and this blindfold won't even let me use my dojutsu… you're so good at this Naruto… ah, are those clones I hear?"

The small fox in Hinata's arms did not get any sleep that night.

o. o. o.

It was a general rule among those in the former team eight that unless it became a problem, no one under any circumstances was to make a comment about Hinata's sporadic sleep talking. Kiba in particular was having trouble dealing with it as his nose would flare up every time she had a stronger episode. It had become a less frequent event over time to the point that the others had just assumed that she had stopped altogether.

Apparently Naruto's appearance had destroyed any progress on that part.

"Perhaps… it may be best for Naruto to be with someone else for the time being." Shino hesitantly suggested, knowing how well Hinata might take it. "I believe it would be best to have him with someone he is not so… on guard around."

"But who?" Choji looked around nervously to be met with matched glances. Other than Hinata, the shinobi there were quite averse to having in their possession the ultimate mission jinx.

"I'll do it." Shion offered without hesitation and took out her hood. "This way only one of you will be bothered with carrying someone. He's small enough to fit in here too."

Everyone tried to make an effort to ignore the slightly noticeable killing intent from Hinata.

"If we are going for efficiency, I would recommend that I carry Shion-sama in the process." Shino stepped in quickly before the team leader could say anything. "While Chouji can carry her for longer periods of time, I am the least impaired in combat while carrying another individual. Considering that we have yet to encounter the enemy since we have started travelling… and considering Shon-sama's vision, I believe we should travel with combat in mind."

"As much as it's gonna tweak you out Hinata, I'm with Shino on this one." Tenten grimaced. "This mission's not going to be easy and his reasoning is pretty solid."

"I don't mind carrying her the rest of the way." Choji shrugged. "But if the fighting reaches me, then I am going to have to put her down sooner or later. Plus we need you to have your hands free as well."

The Hyuuga Princess pouted for several moments before sighing in defeat. "Very well. You've all made your points."

"You hear that Naruto?" Tenten smirked. "You're getting a break."

"I trust you to make sure he doesn't run away Shino." Hinata advised in a far too soothing tone.

"Do not worry. As he is right now, Naruto knows what will likely happen should he put me in a position I don't want to be in." The Aburame stated evenly while silently commanding the kikaichu he had already put on the fox to move erratically for a few moments.

" _Shino I swear if those are fleas I'm feeling I will smother you with insecticide the first chance I get."_ Naruto mentally grumbled as he was lifelessly picked up by Shion.

"Shinobi really are something." She mused as she adjusted her grip on him so that she could pet his soft head a few times. "To be able to change into something so small and cute like this."

"Please hurry Shion-sama." Shino advised with a slight edge to his voice, nodding his head slightly to the certainly not glowering Hinata's direction. "We have wasted enough time as it is this morning."

"Right." The Priestess nodded as she put the transformed shinobi into her hood before everyone began to pack away their supplies.

Ten minutes later the area was completely vacant.

o. o. o.

Moon:

"We're good." Ino nodded as she and the rest of the team stood on the island's beaches. "Naruto's curse is still lingering, but it's not strong enough if your summon puts enough chakra to its wings for the first hundred meters or so."

"Great." Kakashi nodded. "Can you still follow his trail?"

"I can point out the general direction from here." Sasuke noted with his crimson eyes staring at the sky. "But mostly because I saw him leave in the first place. It's been long enough that the wind has blown most of his chakra all over the place. Ino's our best bet for now."

Sakura sent a knowing look to Kakashi. If their timing was correct, the situation at the Land of Demons was happening around now. Given Naruto's personality and what happened there, it was likely that he would be heading there next. "We'll figure out what he's up to when we get a better idea of where he is."

"And thankfully the Mizukage was kind enough to allow us to leave after I explained the situation." Kakashi eye smiled…

… And by that he meant that he had really just given Haku and Zabuza the basic idea of what was happening and then dumped explaining what had yet to be said to the Mizukage on them. It was all for the best really. There was no doubt that the powerful woman liked them far more than she liked the newcomers. He could trust them to say the right things… or Haku to at least.

"Sounds good to me." Sasuke shrugged as he shifted his right hand back to his sword, unsheathed it an inch, cut his thumb, put his sword back, and began making seals so fast that most lesser shinobi wouldn't have been able to catch that he had cut himself in the first place.

"Excuse me. You are shinobi from Konoha correct?"

The group paused for a moment before turning around to look at who had addressed them.

Behind them stood two women, both kunoichi from their chakra levels. The speaker was a woman in her middling years with spiky short brown hair that was brushed back. Her clothes were fairly modest once you ignored the fact that her sleeveless shirt was purposefully made to exemplify her sizeable bust, with a red sleeveless top and a long tan skirt.

Of course, then there was the fact that she had mesh under her shirt, guards on her limbs, thick gloves on her hands, pouches on her hips, and the nodachi on her back.

All in all, given how she was dressed and the weathered look she had, the group wouldn't be surprised if she was a seasoned Jonin.

The other woman was hard to see as most of her features were covered by the white robe she wore with the massive hood covering her head. Had the clothing not been so thick and designed for travel, the four would have assumed that she was some sort of bride in an old ceremonial garb. They could tell she was fairly attractive and had black hair, but otherwise not much could be seen.

"Yes?" Kakashi rose his visible eyebrow as he gave the two a lookover. "Can we help you with something? I must say I wasn't expecting shinobi from Nadeshko village here."

"Nadeshko village?" Sasuke blinked in confusion.

"A smaller village to the south. Due to the chemicals and plants they deal with, it is almost completely comprised of kunoichi." Sakura elaborated. "Tsunade-sama gets many of her more rare medical supplies from them."

"A kunoichi only village?" Ino blinked. "Ok. How has that pervert Jiraiya not tried to sexually harass the entire village yet? And if he has, why have they not declared war on us?"

The elder woman coughed in some embarrassment and momentarily glanced at her travelling companion. "Actually, Jiraiya-sama is part of the reason we wish to talk to you…"

"Oh log don't tell me that the old pervert actually tried to order a bride…" Ino groaned, only for Sakura to hammer her skull into the ground.

"Stop making us look bad!" Tsunade's student hissed before instantly switching persona's and laughing cheerfully. "Hahahaha. Oh don't mind my friend. She tends to work around poisons too much and it sometimes makes her stupid. Please carry on."

"Keep talking forehead and I'll show you stupid." The Yamanaka growled, running through several clan justu and poisons that could make nearly anyone a drooling mess in record time.

"Right." The jonin hesitated momentarily before regaining her composure. "Do you know if Jiraiya-sama has any students of your age? Everyone is aware that he was the one who mentored the Yellow Flash, however word of his activities as of late are rather sparse."

"Students?" Sasuke frowned and crossed his arms in thought. "Well he has taught me and several in my age group in passing… but we can't really be called students of his. If there was a person who could be considered his student, it would have to be Naruto, but even then my nut of a teammate was more Ghost's apprentice than anything…"

"They are closer than you think Sasuke." Sakura pointed out, remembering how badly the blonde took the sage's death in the previous timeline. "And Jiraiya-sama is responsible for a good deal of Naruto's growth. He's the one that taught him how to summon toads and the Rasengan."

"Naruto…" The until then silent kunoichi spoke up. "You are referring to the Yellow Flash's son? Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze?"

"Yes, but most of the time we just call him Naruto." Sasuke shrugged. _"Followed by whatever we feel like calling him at the time."_ He silently added. "What is all of this about?"

The two women looked at one another briefly before nodding and the elder stepping forward. "Please pardon my abruptness, however my charge would like to challenge Namikaze-dono to battle with her hand in marriage as the prize."

The group from Konoha remained silent for several moments, completely caught off guard by what the woman had just said.

"Um… what?" Ino managed to find her voice first, though that really didn't amount to much.

o. o. o.

In Konoha:

"Something wonderful and demeaning just happened." Shadow's head stuck out of the window of her hospital room. Waltz had been forced to be a bit more violent than normal in order to reign her in during her latest fuzzy episode. "We must prepare! Crypt! Prepare!"

The most insane member of the Oogakari shot out of the top of the building and fell heavily to the ground while screaming at the top of his lungs.

"I see." The woman frowned at her brother's actions. "A good effort… but it was the completely wrong approach! You fell out of the west side of the building! Now we have to prepare for the results of your poor preparation!"

"No! But what about the opera tables?!"

"Sacrifices must be made! Feed them to the children!"

"No! Not all the children?!" Crypt gasped in horror.

"All of them! The time is neigh! We must prepare!" Shadow snapped.

At the entrance to Shadow's room, Waltz and a civilian doctor stared at the spectacle with different expressions on.

"Uhhhh…" The woman turned to Waltz as if he had some sort of explanation for what she was watching.

Crash! "EEEEEEEEE!" Thump.

"More! We must Prepare more! Gather the beanie babies! Their input is essential!"

"Just be grateful that they are speaking the local language and are grammatically correct." The elderly man sighed. "Hearing their gibberish in Swahili can give you a migraine that will last weeks."

"Oi guys!" Ghost shouted from outside the building. "What's with all the preparation?!"

"And there's my cue to step in before the whole village gets dragged into another mess…"

o. o. o.

An hour later:

The group were all calm and straight faced as they left the island on the back of Sasuke's summon. The teens had left Kakashi to do the talking, not trusting themselves to speak during the rest of the event.

It had been a long and strenuous event, not to mention confusing…

… But by the end of it all…

"Ok." Kakashi sighed in relief as he looked back. "I think we're out of ear shot now."

"… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" All three teens burst out laughing at what they had just been witness too. Even Sasuke, who had a good deal of self-control couldn't help but collapse to his knees while holding his sides.

It had been a complete pain to keep their faces straight while Kakashi had worked his improvisational magic for over an hour, but oh man. Oh it had absolutely been worth it.

Whatever hell they were going through now was going to pale in comparison to what Kakashi had just set up for Naruto.

And thus the constant game of pranking, blackmail, and revenge within team seven continued with relentless momentum.

o. o. o.

Land of Swamps:

It had been nearly four hours since the group had begun travelling again, and they were all deadly quiet. Tensions were high, and every shinobi there was ready to fight at a moment's notice.

It wasn't because they believed the enemy was near.

It wasn't because they were close to their destination.

No. The reason for the stress was of far greater significance…

" _And to think, I thought being in between a great pair of breasts couldn't get any more terrifying yesterday."_ Naruto deadpanned as he slowly woke from his first successful and very needed nap of the day, his head the only part of his body sticking out of Shion's tanktop and completely aware that Hinata's byakugan had not once turned off since his relocation to a more sensitive part of the priestess' person.

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations:

The girls in the brothel didn't know what to make of the sight. Jiraiya of the Sannin was a fairly well known customer of theirs, so they were quite familiar with his habits. Where he tended to grope. How he flirted. How he worded things when he was prying for rumors and information. How he didn't when he was just being a pervert…

But watching the man laugh his heart out for nearly twenty minutes when he had barely had any sake and none of the girls had said anything amusing was a first.

The common theory now among the girls was that the drink he had was spiked with something and he was hallucinating, as he kept on managing to utter words out like "brat", "finally", and "suffer like a man" many times…

But then they recalled that he had been giggly and saying roughly the same things when he walked into their establishment at the beginning…

Regardless, they decided to bring and service him into one of their private rooms so that he wouldn't disturb or scare away the other customers.

They'd put the charge the fees for renting it out to his tab.

Papa had taught them well.

o. o. o.

The reason for his change from Shion's hood to what most others would claim to be sacred ground was rather a rather simple one. There was nothing to hold him in place in the hood when the group picked up speed, and so it soon became apparent that one of two things would happen if they continued with him in that location. Either he would eventually fall out of the pouch like accessory… or, given the sounds and color he was making, throw up violently on their client.

No wonder Kiba never carried Akamaru around that way when they were smaller. The poor furball would have puked all over his master in every mission he'd be on with all the bouncing and motion he'd go through with every step.

When everyone was debating on what to do with the once more near comatose fox, Shion had decided to take the initiative and without hesitation put Naruto between her admittedly developed breasts. It had caught everyone off guard so badly that it took the moved fox a good half a minute to realize that he was possibly in a worse position than he was before. Granted he was still in a bit of a daze, but Hinata's oh so subtle killing intent of a thousand pains managed to bring him back to reality rather quickly.

Shion, whether it was because she had grown a bigger spine than before, or was completely ignorant of Hinata's rage, merely pointed out that with Naruto where he was, they could technically force him into protecting her given that if anyone attacked her, they'd be likely to hit him as well…

Whether or not she was including Hinata in the potential group of offending parties was anyone's guess, but no one was stupid enough to ask.

In the end, since Shion was the one who had hired them in the first place, she had final say in the matter since it really wouldn't affect the mission that much and arguing would only waste more time. That didn't mean that things were going smoothly in the process though as Tenten, Shino, and Chouji kept their distance from the Hyuuga heiress, who had been in a visibly bad mood ever since.

On the plus side, in Naruto's position at least, this now meant that Shino, who was carrying Shion and by association him, was now serving as an extremely convenient meat shield.

Deciding to finally take advantage of his new position, the jinchuriki leaned forward and rested his head against his friend's back and subtly aligned his chakra…

" _You have no one else to blame but yourself for this."_ The fox grinned with a tired smile, enjoying the shock of his friend momentarily tensing up in surprise by his method of conversation. _"You could have killed me a while ago, but no, you had to push your luck."_

Shino didn't say anything as the group continued forward through the forest, making good time all things considered.

"… _Reach out to my chakra and just think louder than normal."_ Naruto sighed, figuring out why his friend had yet to reply. Any verbal conversation would no doubt picked up by Hinata or Shion.

Moments later Naruto felt Shino's life energy flow along his own with greater ease. _"Sometimes the harder way is the more rewarding one. You have developed an interesting trick Naruto."_

" _Spend enough time being a sage and studying the mechanics of it and you figure out some interesting things."_ The fox yawned. _"Perhaps you'll learn some of it yourself if you live long enough being my human meat shield."_

" _Wouldn't Chouji be a better person to fill such a position?"_ The Aburame asked with his dry sense of humor.

" _Yes, but you're the one who offered in the end. It's a first comes first serve position."_

" _Of course."_ Shino's eyebrow twitched. _"How silly of me to have forgotten that."_

" _You? Silly? Well if we needed a sign that the world was in danger before…"_ Naruto chuckled, which given his current state appeared as if he was lightly barking a few times.

The pair remained quiet for several more seconds as the forest began to clear up. Shortly ahead was a large river that they were going to travel up for the rest of their trip. Hinata reasoned that since the enemy used a good deal of strong fire techniques, the proximity to the river should weaken that potential a bit. And if they had a water user, Tenten would be able to handle the situation with a copied Kubikirihochou.

" _What is the problem?"_ Shino asked. _"Something has you worried. Is it the enemy? Were you on this mission last time?"_

" _Nah."_ Naruto snorted. _"I mean, yeah I was on the mission, but these guys are chumps compared to you guys. They have some interesting tricks, but nothing that you can't handle. Now that demon on the other hand is another story. I can't be too sure since I wasn't paying attention last time, but if that guy gets out again then you might actually need my help… or Shion's. Depends on how deep Hinata's reserves are."_

" _She is quite powerful, however I am unaware of how much chakra she would need."_ The Aburame frowned. _"Is the priestess that important?"_

"… _I'll keep quiet about it for now. Spoiling everything for you would ruin the fun."_ The fox grinned. _"Should it get to that point, I'm certain that you'd be able to figure it out. The demon was quite the bloated talker. Spent half the time he was out talking everyone's ears off."_

" _Lovely."_ The Aburame sighed. _"Then what is the real issue?"_

Naruto remained quiet for several moments. _"Shion remembers the past too."_

Shino nearly stumbled on the revelation before regaining control over his momentum. The other shinobi in his group glanced in his direction momentarily before continuing onward. Had it actually been a problem, he would have made some sort of signal to indicate it.

" _I take it that you informing me of this means that this was unplanned. I thought that the only ones that could possibly remember were those that you picked out and performed that ritual you had."_

Naruto couldn't help but snort at the fact that Shino had called shoving a metaphysical piece of altered timespace and life force into another person's skull a ritual. _"Normally that's the case, but if I remember how Shion's powers work right… mixed with how we got sent back in the first place it does make sense, as absurd as it sounds. I won't get into details, but let's just say that if I had simply gone back in time, or if Shion simply saw the future like a normal fortune teller off the street, we wouldn't be having this conversation."_

" _I see."_ The Aburame frowned as the forest opened up and the group jumped over a wide open space to the stone pillars that spiked through the river beneath them. _"I have a feeling that this is related to our client's unusual… infatuation with you…"_

The fox shifted uncomfortably for a few seconds. _"Well… you've probably been told by now but back then I was… a bit…"_

" _Stupid to the point that many pondered the possibility that you were retarded or mentally impaired? Yes. I have heard the stories."_ Shino's lips twitched in amusement.

" _You could have held back a bit or went with idiot savant. I'm just crazy now, I'm not blind."_ Naruto' growled lightly. _"But yeah, during this mission, Shion was a bitch that was traumatized by constantly sacrificing others to die in her place whenever trouble came her way. I on the other hand was overly optimistic, stupid, and horrifically blind to subtle hints. And so in the end of this particular fiasco, I had saved the day, again, broken the girl out of her shell… and well… I sort of…"_

" _I can already tell I'm going to get the urge to drop you in the river when you finally get to the punch line."_ Shino frowned.

" _I agreed to marry her and get her pregnant without knowing ok!?"_ Naruto relented with much shame and embarrassment.

Shino remained quiet for nearly five minutes of travelling. _"Naruto. I hate you."_

" _Yeah, kinda figured as much."_ The fox sighed whimsically. _"I hate myself sometimes too. Especially past me. Blindly walking around with a smile on my face and completely ignoring the problems of the world. Plus the terrible fashion sense. Things were so much simpler then. Makes me envy the stupid people looking back now…"_

" _Hinata is going to murder you if this gets out of hand."_ The ride continued as he pondered the situation. _"She might even go after Shion-sama as well, which would cause all sorts of problems for everyone."_

" _Well excuse me for giving you heads up!"_ The fox rolled his eyes. _"I just found out about this yesterday! How do you think I feel!? You're the only one I can talk to about this with here so I couldn't just come up and make it part of a group brainstorm!"_

" _ **If you're so desperate then why haven't you asked for my advice yet?"**_ A dark and ominous voice questioned from what could only be described as deeper within Naruto, causing Shino to shiver.

" _You're no help!"_ Naruto snapped, clearly undisturbed by the Kyubi's sudden interjection. _"I asked you already and you said, and I quote, 'fuck them both and make them your bitches so that they won't question any of your decisions afterwards'. End quote."_

" _ **I still say it is a valid path to take. Then again not doing so will likely end with you getting the shit kicked out of you again. Very well. I retract my statement. Enjoy knowing that your future is filled with pain. I know I will."**_ Shino couldn't help but roll his eyes at the fox's smug tone. Clearly he was the only one actually enjoying their current situation.

" _Even if there was a female giant nine tailed fox in the world you'd still go extinct. That's how bad you are at relationships."_ Naruto shook his head in depression.

" _ **If that is another jab about how bad my breath smells to you hairless monkeys…"**_

" _Speaking of voices that should not be here, where are your parents?"_ The Aburame hesitantly asked.

" _Mom and Dad? Oh, Dad's too scared to make a comment on this subject with Mom around, and Mom doesn't want to make any advice because I believe she doesn't want to be called out as a hypocrite from the way she acted when she and Dad were dating."_

" _I HEARD THAT!"_ Shouted a familiar and very angry female voice from the same "direction" that the fox's came from.

" _Good!"_ Naruto snapped in its general direction.

The Aburame was slowly getting a better idea of why all of his friends lamented the idea of going on another mission with the Uzumaki.

"… _Getting back on topic. It would be reckless to simply come out with this sort of information to everyone. No one else has learned of your particular condition since you have left."_ Shino coughed, calming down everyone listening and began to analytically go over the situation. _"Another issue is that Shion-sama wishes to be escorted to Konoha after our mission is done. No doubt she intends to request to be engaged to you. Even among the past candidates, there haven't been any with as high a social standing as her. She's the rough equivalent of the Daimyo of Demon Country as far as the people are concerned… flat out turning her down from the get go would not give Konoha or you a good image."_

" _Plus the fact that she knows of the future at all is a problem."_ Naruto's eyes narrowed. _"She knows that I remember her, Shino. So far she's kept quiet about everything, no doubt in order to try and meet up with me here, but if we turn her down… I honestly don't know what she'll do. And before you even remotely suggest we possibly kill her, forget it. Her powers are TRIGGERED by her death. She'd do something to prevent it or potentially spill everything before we'd even get close. Granted I'm not a big enough asshole to actually do or promote such a thing. Just stating facts here."_

" _I believe the Oogakari called this situation a Catch-22."_ Shino nodded in affirmation of how complex the situation was. _"You could try to turn her down gently…"_

Naruto remained silent for several long moments. _"Shino? Where am I? Physically?"_

The Aburame pondered the answer to that question for several moments carefully. _"You are in the middle of our client's breasts."_

" _Yes. Our client that has gone back in time without anyone else, has had to deal with going throughout her adolescent years all over again, and for some reason is still madly in love with me despite not seeing me for all that time. And might I add that so far, the only conversation we have had so far is us merely confirming our identities to one another before she sucked on my face in front of Hinata."_

" _I see. She's not going to give up without a fight then."_ Shino frowned.

" _Given how stubborn and selfish she was last time? No, no she is not. She's just better at controlling her temper this time, but given her actions there is no doubt that she is still very much used to getting her way. I wouldn't be surprised if she's as good at playing the political game as Hinata is now."_ The fox wept. _"If I take the soft route, it will take time, which means me being with her alone, and Hinata most likely doing her stalker routine again… only with far more terrifying thoughts going through her head."_

" _You have my condolences. Tell me how that works out."_ A momentary smirk of amusement found its way onto the ride's face.

" _Totally going against the man code there Shino."_ Another grunt escaped the fox's mouth. _"The problem is that from what I've seen, Shion's gotten a good grasp on her powers compared to the last time around. And they are damn useful, enemy or not…"_

Shino's good humor disappeared. _"You are actually considering using her for your own gains."_

" _Everyone's gains. She could give us a huge edge in the future… and it's not like I'd be a dick to her in the process... well anymore of a dick than I am to everyone else at least. You know me better than that. Leaving her be on the other hand, could cause everyone a whole slew of problems, especially if the wrong ears hear of just how potent her abilities are. I would put money on someone trying to get their hands on her in general in the future regardless of what I do."_

" _You've put thought into this."_ Shino nodded, realizing just how dire the situation was and that Naruto's absurd idea was one of the few options that could keep everyone both safe and potentially happy. _"No matter what you chose, there will be much conflict in the end. Even the choice that should give everyone what they want will be poorly accepted by many."_

Naruto sighed. _"Look, it's a shitty thing to do, not just to her but to Hinata as well, but… damn it man it's not like we make a living doing the kind and morally just thing to do, and neither does the rest of the world._

" _You know as well as I do that saving the world is going to get our hands dirty in ways we don't want or expect. I thought we were better prepared for the future before I left, and guess what happened? Neji got his eye gouged out in front of everyone and nearly died, along with nearly half of our friends, and now tensions between Konoha and Iwa at are an all-time high, which we REALLY don't need at the moment. We can't simply dick around when given opportunities like this. I know about the C.R.A. and all that bullshit, and normally I wouldn't pay it any mind, but… shit I don't even know any more all right? I have options I can genuinely use and I'm not going to dismiss them because it's "the right thing to do". Fuck the moral shit. We are shinobi, not paladins. We can both agree that this is a messed up situation. I'm asking for advice and you're one of the coolest heads we got in the group."_

" _And what about your thoughts on her in particular?"_ Shino prodded while silently glowing at the fact that Naruto was confiding in him in something important and seriously asking for his guidance. _"And your thoughts on marrying more than one woman? You are not a noble looking for a concubine that will smile and just look pretty in the background, and Hinata and Shion are certainly not concubine material. You are a shinobi with an admittedly impressive resume, and the two females that you are considering are both of considerable power in one way or another."_

" _Shion? I honestly don't know."_ The fox shook his head. _"Strong willed. Emotional. Admittedly easy on the eyes, you can't deny she doesn't look like she's related to Hinata in some way. Very attached to those that she's dedicated herself to… but I only really spent time with her during the mission. Even then you can't say that there haven't been marriages that have been set up on weaker reasons. I think that Kakashi-sensei made her back off under some pretense before after I left in the previous timeline, but I doubt it will work this time around. At the moment, I don't have nearly as strong of feelings for her as she does me, but at the same time I don't know her well enough that I can say for certain that I won't potentially have feelings in the future if I do decide to pursue a relationship."_

" _And the polygamy?"_

" _Ugh. Please don't tell me you're going to get all preachy on me on the subject."_ Another sick groan came from the fox's maw. _"Ero-ni made me sit through several lectures on the damn topic and its mechanics, intricacies, and why and why not it doesn't work in various situations. And as expected, it all made genuine and logical sense and disturbed the living hell out of me as well. As far as I'm concerned, it is something that can or can't work depending on who is involved, how it is managed, and how much of a pain in the ass the local society and populace is about it. It is not inherently a good or bad thing, but still has the potential to be both. Much like drinking your ass off at a bachelor's party, only with far longer lasting effects after the deed is done. At the moment, what is happening now is still in the beginning stages of either something grand or some horrible catastrophe just waiting to be set off. All I can determine about my situation right now is that if, and that's still a big "if", I do end up with more than just Hinata, I'll at least be able to avoid the biggest obvious mistakes, and that if I don't allow Hinata to have some sort of alpha female position I will die a horrifically painful death."_

" _By her hand?"_

" _By either all of their hands, or Hiashi's."_

" _Ah. I had forgotten about his reaction."_

" _Thankfully Shion's parents are dead so I don't have to bother with their reactions… wow that sounded WAY worse than I had originally thought now that I said it. I must be more messed up than I thought."_

" _It may be a risky idea, but why not tell Hinata the truth about the situation?"_

Naruto became unusually stoic. _"Yes Shino. Let's first tell Hinata the long, elaborate, and horrifically secret tale about me and a good deal of other people she knows being from the future. Then about me deciding to NOT bring her memories back because her future self was not worth risking our limited resources over despite the fact that I do love her, meaning that in an EXTREMELY sick way, I am actually sacrificing her previous self for the "greater good" and using her current self as a replacement girlfriend._

" _And then while she's pondering about that and the fact that half the people she has been trusting with her life are not who she thought they were, let's add some more gas to that fire by informing her of my colossal moment of absolute GENIUS back then and tell her that I had promised to have a kid with our client who, surprise surprise, conveniently managed to keep her memories as well. Oh, and because of that and her powers, I've decided out of the blue that perhaps I will take on another woman to spend the rest of her life with me! A woman that she knows next to nothing about and for all intents and purposes is a complete stranger. All shortly after Hinata managed to see me for the first time in years, is JUST bursting with pent up dark themed sexual tension, and is worried sick about me because now I really am FUCKED IN THE HEAD! HOW DO YOU THINK THAT WILL END UP?!"_

Shino flinched as Naruto's mental voice echoed in his skull. Granted he couldn't really blame his friend for getting so worked up given his situation, but it still hurt. _"You didn't have to be so rude about it."_

" _You asked a stupid question. I gave you an honest answer."_ The fox growled darkly. _"Shion's too big of a factor now to leave alone, so we have to keep close tabs on her in one way or another, even if I do turn her down. The problem is that the only way I see that happening is if she comes to Konoha, and since she's a major political figure, the only way her country would even consider letting her out for a long period of time is if it was something big such as, you guessed it, a potential marriage setup. Once word of that gets out, Hinata will obviously not take it well…"_

" _She seems to be taking things well so far…"_ Shino replied in a tone that clearly indicated that he didn't believe what he said either.

" _In order to even remotely give Hinata enough reason to allow Shion a chance of getting close to me, I would have to explain virtually everything to her while simultaneously giving her a reason to not murder at least one of us. She's not stupid and if I leave out gaping holes she will notice and she will press me or someone else on them."_ He rammed his head against his ride's back. _"Even if I somehow manage to pull this off with her, I will still need some way to manage to make this a passible idea with Hiashi."_

Shino laughed briefly. _"You're thinking too small Naruto. If you handle this wrong, the entire Hyuuga clan would be after your head. Many of the women in it virtually idolize Hinata and are very much aware of your relationship. If they think you are cheating on her, not even the Oogakari would be able to save you."_

" _Wonderful. And here I thought things would be manageable so long as I kept away from the vast majority of the nobility of the world."_

" _At least you know that politics will only make what you're trying to do harder."_

" _Yep. This is what happens when your dating life interacts with politics. Lots of crying. Hopefully where no one can see you. Unfortunately for me, there are a ton of Byakugan users around so I don't have many private spaces available to shed my manly tears in abundance."_

" _Fortunately you are competent enough to realize that you are playing the game to begin with. Speaking of which, how well can you handle yourself in that field? You must know that that world will not leave you be."_

" _I know enough to know what cards I am still able to play at the moment."_ The fox grinned darkly. _"In a game state such as this, it's best to have as many unneeded individuals assume you can't play as possible for as long as possible."_

" _You plan to build a solid powerbase under everyone's noses while others fight on your behalf and orders, giving everyone else the impression that they are moving on their own accord… a risky move but one that can yield great benefits if done properly. Especially when you do decide to move into the game in person."_ Shino nodded briefly in approval. _"I should have expected something as reckless as this from you."_

" _Keep in mind that it's always the advisors or the guys in charge of finances that are normally the most dangerous out of everyone. The Kage have power, but those guys are the ones that have the real influence and reach in systems like ours."_ Naruto frowned as he thought of Danzo and how the man was pretty much in charge of half the problems in the elemental nations.

" _Speaking from experience I take it?"_

" _You don't want to know. Fucking politics. A never ending hell that is better and worse than war. I just wanted a ramen pool people. That's all I asked for."_ The jinchuriki sighed before his ears picked up. _"Speaking of war…"_

" _I know…"_

"Looks like our peace and quiet has finally been broken! We have company boys and girls!" Tenten spoke up with a dark smirk as the sound of a great deal of water met everyone's ears and the feeling of a great deal of chakra tingled their nerves. Soon enough, a massive water dragon appeared in the canyon they were all travelling in and rushed towards them with a massive roar.

"Not bad." Choji nodded in respect of the size of the attack. There weren't many that could pull off a water dragon bullet of such size, let alone as a mere opening move.

"Not bad?!" Shion blinked in disbelief. Although she had been through this situation before, she was still quite unnerved by the sheer scale of the chakra construct heading their way. As strong as her barriers were, they would not last more than a second against such a thing.

"The controller is on top of the cliffs!" Hinata yelled over the increasing volume of the attack. "We're cornered in down here! Tenten will provide support!"

"Bout time!" The Faker grinned as she moved to the rear of the group and instantly materialized a copy of Kubikirihochou.

" _Just a fair warning, I have reason to believe that I will smell as bad as Akamaru if I get wet."_ Naruto lazily grinned as his ride made an effort to get up the cliff face as fast as possible.

" _You knew this was going to happen."_ The Aburame mentally growled, accusing the fox on his back.

" _Hey, so did Shion, and she is far more likely to die on this mission then… wait… Hinata's here, no never mind. I'm still the most likely to die on this trip. Carry on."_

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The attack bellowed as it charged at the group and tore up the side of the canyon wall in the process. As fast as the shinobi were, the nonliving being was significantly faster, and gaining ground at an uncomfortable pace…

That is until the sword specialist of the group stopped and turned to face it without the slightest hint of concern.

"Oi! Don't roar until I give you a reason to damn it!" Tenten yelled with as much ferocity as she swung her blade sideways at the massive attack. The two forces struck one another with enough force to cause a sizeable shockwave behind everyone, but in the end Tenten and her weapon had struck to the side and with enough force that the attack was diverted away from everyone at a low angle.

As the snakelike beast's body flew by, the others could see a good amount of the water making it up was sucked into the blade the girl held with ease. Even after a few seconds, it was easy to tell that the dragon, while still significantly larger than what most humans would ever be able to manage, was a good deal smaller in every way than it was before.

Naruto watched with some interest as the rest of the group continued to climb higher to the top of the cliffs while the dragon attempted to make up for lost ground and come up from behind. He had no doubt that if Zabuza had been in Tenten's position, the man would have just absorbed the entire attack with little to no issue, but his friend's performance was none the less impressive.

Unfortunately for the water serpent, Tenten had stayed back and was putting the chakra laced water she had stolen to good use if the extended transparent blade that reached down to the river that was holding her up in midair was any indication. Considering the fact that he had been on the wrong side of the original not even a few days earlier, what came next didn't surprise the jinchuriki.

Hoisting the horrifically elongated weapon onto her shoulder and allowing herself to freefall, the girl swung the blade down with unnatural ease and cleaved the smaller dragon into several pieces in one blow, virtually cutting the river in half in the process and spraying its contents so high that a good deal of water flooded the tops of the cliffs above.

Then, whether she wanted to show off or to catch up with everyone, she unleashed a torrent of highly pressurized water downwards to launch herself into the sky.

No one bothered to guess if she timed it so that she landed on the edge of the cliff at the same moment everyone else did or not. She was grinning far too much to risk such a wager.

" _At least someone's enjoying this."_ Naruto sighed.

Hinata however did not bother wasting any time on the minor spectacle and pointed to a distant bend on the other side of the canyon where two people could be seen standing. "Two are over there. One of them is responsible for the attack… their chakra is odd though. It's almost like they have cursed seals, but different…"

"That's what I thought too when we fought them earlier. Their chakra felt weird." Chouji muttered as he stepped forward. "I'll take them on while you guys go ahead. I do best in places like this."

"I'll come with. Even if they aren't curse seal users, the fact that they compare is reason enough to bring backup." Tenten smirked as she attached the copied blade on her back with chakra and made a bow. "You may use Earth style, but I'm still better at handling water users."

"Shino and I will go into the forest. We have a better advantage in there." Hinata stated calmly.

"You do realize they are likely trying to split us up." Shino frowned.

"Yes, however you forget that I am with you." Hinata gave him a dry smile.

"And why exactly is that such a significant thing?" Shion rose an eyebrow in skepticism, causing the other female's face to fall back to its previous stoic state.

" _You're not exactly making things easier for me are you?"_ Naruto looked up at the priestess with frustration before shaking his head and resting his head to the side and closed his eyes. _"Fuck it. I'm going back to sleep. Ninety percent of my deaths when I was sleeping were painless. I'm willing to take that risk."_

Shino shifted uncomfortably, which was reasonable since he was literally between his teammate and the source of her displeasure. It didn't help that no one missed Naruto squeak in fear of the girl's displeasure and disappeared into the client's bosom. "Hinata is quite strong Shion-sama. In addition to that she and I have been teammates for years. We can work together with great efficiency."

A large explosion nearby snapped them out of their moment of awkwardness. "Hurry. We don't want to get caught in the crossfire or in the open." Hinata jumped to the forest, quickly followed by Shino.

o. o. o.

With Tenten and Chouji:

Before the Akimichi had reached halfway to his targets, Tenten had already begun to bombard the enemy with a rain of arrows that were wrapped in exploding tags.

Oh he was still certainly scared shitless of the idea of the girl unloading her payload on him, but he had grown up enough to be perfectly fine so long as she was doing it to someone else now.

As the first bombs hit he saw the standard reactions from the pair. Swearing. Attempts to dodge. Getting thrown around a bit by the shockwaves. More swearing. The fact that they weren't blown apart from the attack in the first place meant that they were good enough to not be considered weaklings…

… Then he spied out what he was looking for when the one with the mask started to make hand seals and ended on the snake. Looks like he was the one that trapped him in those stone caves from before.

"Dibs on the mask!" The large teen grinned hungrily as he slammed his palms together like last time with one hand pointing down and the other up. "Hidden art: Bump."

Thump.

One step forward and he was running like normal. His large body moved with great momentum, carrying his loose clothes and armor that hid a good deal of his frame…

SLAM!

The next, his entire figure was different. Where his large Akimichi shape had been was now a warped yet horrifically cut figure. His entire upper body had tightened up to the point that many would assume that he had zero percent body fat and nearly one hundred percent pure lean muscle. Had he not have his clothes on, the teen would appear to be in beyond peak physical condition. Even Lee, with his absurd taijutsu training, would never be able to obtain a body that produced such a distinct image of virtually every muscle there was on his person…

Needless to say, while Ino loved her boyfriend the way he was, she was absolutely incapable of not drooling whenever he used this move in front of her with his shirt off.

SLAM!

But even so, Chouji's legs had warped even more so, having warped and thickened to nearly triple their size, so much so that each one was nearly the width of his waist alone. Muscle after muscle. Vein after vein. The two limbs were terrifying things to behold and even more ominous to those that were on the wrong side of them…

… If they were fast enough to see them before getting killed that is.

BOOOM!

Just as the enemy managed to set up a stone dome over himself and his partner in order to protect them from Tenten's exploding onslaught, Chouji had managed to cover the last of the distance between them with sickening speed, comparable to Lee opening at least two gates, using his momentum in conjunction with his tree like legs to absolutely shatter the hastily made stone defense with ease.

Three years had been spent into developing this technique. His family had utilized their calorie consumption techniques to enlarge and warp their bodies to famous sizes. His father as head of the clan was capable of growing to sizes comparable to a boss summon. Chouji had spent much time mastering them, however much like before he had utilized his impressive affinity for physical based ninjutsu to create a new branch of techniques.

Before Naruto had even left for his trip, the Oogakari had told him stories of a man who like him was very large and had a great deal of talent in fighting, however also lacked confidence when going up against those he thought were stronger than him. However his body was special in that much of his girth was from the excess amounts of blood he had that pooled in his stomach. By circulating this sparsely used resource through the rest of his body, this man could temporarily increase his physical prowess a good many times. This boost could enable him to keep up with even his stronger comrades, who were famed to be unparalleled among their kind, and each given the title "King".

Chouji wasn't a greedy person, but soon after hearing that story he knew for a fact that he wanted the title for himself.

Lee could have his taijutsu. Neji, Hinata and Sasuke could have their bloodlines. Naruto was a jinchuriki. Everyone else had their own thing… but the title of "King", that path that lead to it, and all that entailed was his and his alone.

He had spent three years developing a jutsu to mimic this effect, to give him the ability to rival that of one of these so called "Kings". Consuming the calories in his body to not enlarge himself, but to enforce what he had to far beyond its maximum potential.

And at the moment, all that chakra and power was going straight to his hips… and legs.

"I'm not done…" The Mountain King growled as he snapped his leg back and spun on it while making the other leg stretch to the sky before the dust had even remotely begun to settle. The world around him rumbled as the faint image of a massive black silhouette with glowing white eyes momentarily appeared behind him mimicking his exact posture.

No one who saw the figure would question it. No one who was in its presence would get in its way.

It was not their place to question the might of royalty.

"Pulse Quake."

BOOOOM!

The earth around him shattered as his mammoth of a leg crashed into the ground. Everything that was loose within a hundred foot radius of the point of impact was sent flying away from the epicenter violently. Massive portions of the cliff cracked and fell off the edge into the river below, unable to handle the unrelenting strain of the monstrous force that stood at its top.

With the remains of the failed defensive structure blown away, Chouji managed to spy the body of its maker a bit to his right not as far away as everything else. The odd man had a peculiar skin tone that was between a dark red and brown with markings around his body.

Before he had an opportunity to pursue his opponent however, he was stopped by a jet of water that shot from his side and nearly cut him in half.

The shortest and from the Akimichi's perspective most disturbed member of the enemy team grinned at him sadistically with his right foot sticking up in the air like he was a ballerina. "You're really strong, however we're prepared for you this time. You won't be able to muscle your way out of getting killed…"

Stab.

"GHAAAAA!" The water user yelled in absolute pain as a copy of one of the Kiba blades stabbed him in the shoulder and sent a very large charge of electricity throughout his saturated body.

"Bout time you showed up." Chouji smirked as his would be attacker dissipated into a large puddle of water before erratically moving away from the imitation blade as quickly as possible.

"Oh shut up. Not everyone has insane physical boosting powers you know." Tenten pouted as appeared behind the Akimichi bow in hand. "Now go kill your target before I do it for you."

"Yes mother." The larger of the two snorted before bolting in the direction of where his target had disappeared to so quickly that Tenten wouldn't have been able to follow had she not been used to watching Lee and Neji in action.

"Oh I'm going to enjoy killing you bitch." The water user growled as he reformed himself a short distance away. "You may have had a chance when you were far away, but n-"

Stab.

"GHAAAAAAA!" Another copy of the Kiba blades embedded itself into the bloodthirsty murderer and caused him to scream in horrific pain.

"… You know, talking a really dumb idea if you don't have a clear advantage." Tenten deadpanned as she watched her target turn into water again.

"I'll kill you!" The puddle snarled as it warped itself into a large number of transparent tentacle like spikes that shot out at the source of its pain.

The Faker merely sighed as if dealing with a boring chore as she quickly grabbed the copy of Kubikirihochou she had made earlier and swung it at the oncoming attack. Two out of every three individual spears managed to avoid getting absorbed into the weapon, and were hammered into the ground to her side.

" _Only that much was absorbed?"_ Tenten frowned at the amount of the enemy's body she had taken in. Even if her sword was only a copy, she should have been able to rip away a much greater portion of his power. _"His chakra must be getting in the way somehow. It does feel a bit off…"_

Shink.

The kunoichi's eyes widened in surprise as she looked down to see the three spears of water sticking out of her chest.

"Idiot! Did you really think that I would only attack from the front?!" The re-reforming body grinned with a sick expression.

Said expression didn't last long when the girl's body exploded in a cloud of smoke to reveal a log covered in exploding tags.

BOOM!

"Idiot. Did he really expect me to fall for a strategy that basic?" Tenten rolled her eyes as she watched the results of her trap wreck the area nearly a hundred feet away behind a rock. "Oh… and thank you oh holy one for allowing this lowly follower to attempt to redeem my enemies with explosives at thine selfless cost. Thy splinters will do well in both harming my foes, and fertilizing this barren ground so your progeny may flourish. Amen."

Still, while her opponent wasn't exactly hard to deal with, he was notably tough to put down. He had taken two direct hits from the Kiba blades and several exploding tag based attacks and was still capable of fighting. Plus his chakra was… altered, for lack of a better term. Denser yes, but also twisted in some odd way that got in the way of what her sword was trying to do…

Judging from how close he was to Chouji when the dust settled and how fast he attacked, it wouldn't be hard to assume that he turned to water during her initial attack and thus avoided any damage from the shockwaves made, so blunt attacks were out. Normal slashing damage was probably a no go too since he'd just turn into water again.

"Enough fire could work, but lightning is more efficient in this situation." She sighed as she placed her water blade on her back and remade her bow.

"I am the bone of my sword."

An instant later she had produced an altered arrow of her own design. If one paid attention, they could easily tell that it originated from the Kiba blades of the seven swordsmen, however it was a great deal different than the ones she had used earlier.

Instead of simply hacking off the protrusions on the blade and making it more arrow like, she had instead fused both swords into one by fusing them at the base and tip, twisted the sharp metal about itself like a helix, and made the protrusions shaped into a fan like pattern to give it a bigger spin when released.

She smelt the ozone before the weapon had even finished forming into her hands.

She jumped from her hiding spot back to where the forest was to get a better view of everything and scan her surroundings.

Almost instantly she pegged her opponent, who had somehow managed to recover from her Naruto grade replacement and was holding a giant water ball over his head.

"Got you!" He snarled as soon as he saw her. The torrent of water instantly contorted on itself into the shape of a whirlpool and shot toward the archer with the force of a massive storm.

"Tear apart your feast. Kiba." Tenten's eyes narrowed dangerously as her warped arrow shone a blinding white.

Lightning struck the cliffside that day. There was not a cloud in the sky.

o. o. o.

With Chouji:

"Let's see you deal with this fatass!" The mask wearing shinobi practically shrieked at the top of his lungs as his fists hammered into the dry and beaten stone under him.

Almost instantly all the stone in the area began to warp and contort on itself. Given the stiff nature of rock, it wasn't surprising that the giant moving mounds broke into large chunks within mere moments, using the released energy upon breaking to conveniently project themselves at the rapidly moving Akimichi.

"Gladly." Chouji was moving before the first stone had been fired at him, leaping into the air and reverting back to his normal size before transforming once more into one of his personal favorite moves. "Spiked Human Meat Tank."

Slam!

Chouji's spiked ball like body spun menacingly as it hit the ground, tearing up the earth as he did so and charging forward with enough force that any of the flying stones that hit him did less than nothing to impair his advance. Every projectile and roadblock that made contact with his body shattered with pathetic ease.

"His answer was to actually become a fatass?! And it's working?!" The assassin blinked in disbelief at his opponent's counterstrategy. It didn't take him long to realize that throwing fairly large boulders at the oncoming spiked ball of death wouldn't work. Just as he was about to jump to the side to get away…

"Multi-size."

The giant boulder of flesh, bone and hair quadrupled in size in an instant.

"The fuck?!"

What originally was an easy dodge became a wall of painful crushing death as the much larger ball easily reached the area that its target had jumped to and crushed him with literally no effort.

The moment Chouji felt his target's presence behind him, he instantly reverted back to his normal meat tank size, bounced shallowly in the air, returned to his normal physical size, and continued to flip until he landed cleanly on the ground.

"You can get up." The Akimichi stated calmly with his arms crossed. "I know you're still alive."

It didn't take long for him to get a response as the ground he had just steamrolled over literally began to rumble with increasing violence until it burst up. Instead of a normal man, what rose up was a crude fifteen foot tall torso made of stone with limbs that looked like spiked clubs and the head being the jutsu users, giving it an absurd appearance.

"You fat fucking freak! I'm going to beat the living shit out of you!"

The torso somehow plowed through the ground and rushed at Chouji. Judging from the body language it was pretty obvious that the monstrosity was going to try and punch him, likely crushing and or skewering him to death in the process. It was a simple tactic, but judging by how quickly his opponent was moving it probably yielded pretty good results. Not many would be able to dodge something that big moving so fast, especially if it had tricks to increase its range. Getting through that stone armor would be pretty difficult for most too…

Clap. The palms of the Akimichi slammed together, this time in the standard prayer like position.

Unfortunately for the assassin, Chouji was his worst matchup.

"Praying to god won't help you! Die!" The masked man shrieked as a dozen more crude spikes erupted out of his fist as he launched it at his target. The impact was great enough to kick up a good deal of dust and cause the ground around them to crack a good deal.

"Finally." The assailant's grin matched his warped eyes, confident that the jolt he felt was his target becoming a heap of flesh and bone. "Heheh. You might be tough brat, but even you aren't stronger than stone and my chakra."

His arm was pushed back slightly.

"What?"

Crack. Crack crack crack crack.

Multiple fractures burst from the end of his arm and traveled up it until the impurities were nearly at his shoulder.

"You were partly right." A menacing voice growled from the end of the stone limb. "By myself I wouldn't have been able to handle that. But then again, you're using jutsu to pull this off… and so with that logic, using my jutsu…"

The stone arm shattered, revealing Chouji Akimichi in yet another form.

His eyes were cold and murderous. His face was stern. His skin was black as night. And his upper body was so ripped and enlarged that it could have compared to the Raikage's had anyone put the two next to one another's. Unlike his previous state, all his major physical enhancements were from the waist up this time while his legs, while still very muscular, did not completely match up.

It should also be noted that he was only holding one hand up where the stone limb had nearly killed him.

"You should be begging for your life about now."

Judging to how badly the unstable man's face was twitching, Chouji was fairly certain that he had really gotten under the nut's skin. Good.

"Just die already!" The stone user threw forward his other hand, causing it to produce more of its element in the process and grow more spikes. He was probably hoping that the additional forward momentum would be enough to finally put the Akimichi down for good…

… Too bad he was just being stupid.

"Pulse Quake." Chouji muttered under his breath as he also threw out his other fist out to counter the attack head on. He didn't bother with the multitude of stone spikes that tore into his clothes. They were made of strong chakra yes, but they weren't composed by someone who was exceptionally practiced in the element like he was and shattered under his far harder skin.

BOOM!

The two enhanced fists collided with titanic force…

It wasn't even a contest.

Unlike before, there was no dramatic pause after the two forces hit. A massive ripple traveled up the arm of stone, tearing it up in the process as it went from fist to elbow to shoulder to body. Everything encased in the stone that the wave travelled up was contorted and pounded into a near paste…

It was the other use of the otherwise low ranking technique known as Pulse Quake outside of its ability to destabilize the ground. If the user could hit hard enough, the move was just as damaging, if not more, to the soft insides of its targets than a jyuken strike. The stronger the blow, the more the damage. It made for an excellent armor destroying taijutsu technique. True it was far less effective against chakra based defenses, however those tended to be more oriented to defending against ninjutsu anyways.

And at the moment, Chouji Akimichi, naturally the strongest member of his age group, was physically enhanced with a jutsu of his own creation and a high level version of the fairly common earth spears technique.

Even Sakura would hesitate at the idea of matching blows against him in this state.

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" The white haired man roared in agony as his left arm, shoulder, and a good portion of his back and chest was torn apart by the attack. What used to be muscle and bone was now a large heap of tenderized flesh and calcium bits held in place by a rapidly darkening and bleeding case of skin. Judging from the blood stains that were being made on the cloth mask he wore, Chouji surmised that his counterblow had reached at least one of the man's lungs as well.

Unless he had a medic on hand that was exceptionally talented, the man was as good as dead. Somehow the muscular teen highly doubted that this was the case. As things stood he didn't think the poor fool was even capable of getting out of the remains of the stone body he had made for himself.

Suddenly a massive pillar of power shot to the sky nearby, catching his attention. The following large explosions were just as hard to miss.

"That chakra… that's where Tenten is…" The victorious shinobi instantly bolted to the direction of where the chaos was brewing, no doubt confident that his opponent was absolutely powerless in his current state…

"Hah. Ghah. Hah." The trapped and dying man panted in agony as he attempted to keep consciousness. "Geheheheheheheh. Idiot. He should have… killed me… hurk…"

Focusing the remains of his mind at the task at hand, the killer willed the parasitic chakra creature in his body down into his destroyed arm, causing a massive distorted bulge to appear on his already disfigured limb until it finally broke the skin near his wrist. He was in so much pain that he didn't even feel the thing tear apart several major veins in the path to do so.

"More chakra… just a little more… once I have this…" He ripped off the creature's head with his good arm. Once he drank the concentrated chakra like his brother did, he'd be unstoppable and the pain would finally go away. Then he could finally kill that fat ass bas-

A large hand enclosed his just as he was about to put the gel to his mouth and crushed it with ease.

-tard?

"You didn't think I had actually left without killing you did you?" Chouji emotionlessly whispered from behind the virtually paralyzed man as he opened his hand and took out the crushed remains of the creature's head. "So this is what you were using to give you that odd boost? Disgusting… but somehow I doubt it's worse than Orochimaru's curse seals. Tsunade-sama would regardless be interested in studying it…"

"Ah… ah…." The dead man was at a loss for words as his shaking eyes took in the sight of his destroyed and mangled hand pried open and the green gel that was his salvation taken by the monster behind him.

"I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry." The Akimichi whispered ominously as he drew a fist back. "But I will make it painless…"

o. o. o.

With Tenten:

"Just die already!" The massive creature made of water hissed as hundreds of tentacle like appendages shot out of its body and attempted to impale Tenten, only to be redirected and absorbed into one of the many copies of Kubikirihochou stabbed into the ground around the girl.

"That's my line!" The Blacksmith shouted back with as much annoyance as a dozen copies of the Kiba blades materialized above her and impaled the living amoeboid blob. The electric shock merely annoying it at best. "I've killed you like five times over already! I have priority damn it!"

Tenten knew she shouldn't have gotten overconfident on a mission with Naruto involved, but in her defense her opponent had, at least initially, been a complete pushover for her. True his ability to turn into water made him difficult to kill, and probably would have made most other shinobi scream in either fear or frustration… but to her it just meant that the nut was another target for her lightning blades and easy to defend against with a copy of one of her favorite swords.

And for a while… yeah, that was pretty much how things were turning out. After she nearly evaporated the crazy shit to steam with her modified Kiba arrow, she had just been zapping the bastard over and over again. It was actually a bit sad to watch really…

Though to be fair there was a reason why she didn't just finish the fight earlier. The water freak's power had her slightly wary of anything that might happen if she got in too close. His powers were a bit faster and versatile than she was a bit comfortable dealing with at close range. Plus, well, it was really easy just wearing him down the way she was doing then. Charging up a finishing blow would have taken too long. Every time she skewered and zapped him with a copy of the legendary lightning blades, it took longer and longer for the psycho to reform his body…

And then she dropped her guard and let him slip away through a bloody crack in the ground made by Chouji's earlier attack.

Next thing she knew she was up against a giant watery blob with an even more fucked up grin on its face than before and tentacles coming out of virtually every part of its body. What was worse was that she had a sneaking suspicion that it was generating electricity of its own from the scorch marks its tentacles left on the ground.

Thankfully she wasn't out of tricks yet. Her setup with the copies of Kubikirihochou around her absorbed any and all water that came within a certain distance of her with frightening efficiency. It would take an overwhelmingly powerful water style attack to break through this defense, at least of A rank, and a sickeningly powerful one at that.

While she couldn't really move anywhere with it set up, she couldn't get hurt by this enemy either, allowing the Faker to bombard the mutant with a good deal of her soul's arsenal without needing to worry about defense... for the most part.

"Ladies first!" The monster swung a new slew of aquatic appendages erratically around its body before synonymously slamming them into the ground between the two combatants and shattering the ground beneath them.

Tenten clicked her tongue in annoyance as she instantly saw what her opponent was trying to do and moved. Before the first sword in her defense had been jolted loose of the earth and made an opening in her defense, she had gotten out of ground zero just as her previous location was spiked through by a dozen tentacles.

"Trace. On." A hammer slammed down in the Blacksmith's soul as a copy of Kanchou and Bakuya materialized in her hands while a slew of various weapons appeared above her head and were fired into the beast. Fire, water, earth, wind, lightning. Blades of these elements and more pierced through the amorphous creature, only to either pass right through it or simply be trapped inside.

"Hahahahaha! What's wrong bitch?! Is that the only thing you can do is run and throw things at me?!" The monster's twisted face spun on its borderline shapeless body as it began to attack in earnest from all sides. "It doesn't matter how many you use. I'm invincible the way I am now!"

"Way to jynx it dumbass." Tenten's barely audible comeback was drowned out by the hundreds of tentacles that struck at her from all angles, only to either be dodged or deflected by the weapons in her hands as she continued around the beast firing nonstop, using the blades to interfere and cut through a good portion of the oncoming whip like appendages to open up openings to fit through at the last moment, and the copy of Kubikirihochou on her back absorbed any tentacles that managed to get close behind her.

She was a third of the way around him.

"Come on. Come on come on come on come on! Get caught! Get stung! Get trapped! If you do it now I promise I'll only kill you half as long!" Whoever the hell this nut was, he was clearly on a power high if he could waste so much time gloating and yet still have not have landed a solid blow.

Over. Under. Slash. Slide. Spin while slashing to anther slide. Inverted flip. Twirl. Dash. Tenten did not stop moving as she continued her run around the monstrosity, never once getting hit and never once stopping her barrage of faked weaponry.

Speaking of which…

"Kai." The albino grinned as she finally managed to put one of her hands to her chest and raise two fingers up to trigger the exploding tag rigged kunai she had slipped into her projectiles and were now stuck en masse inside the creature's stomach.

BOOM!

The center of the oversized blob erupted in every direction, causing a small tsunami to crash outward. Tenten, knowing that she in fact did not like electric torture, jumped away from the water and landed on a large upturned boulder that barely kept her away from the charged fluids.

She then began to bombard the area where her opponent was already reforming itself rapidly with more imitated exploding tags.

At this point she had traveled roughly two thirds around her target.

"Oi oi! What's with you and bombs girl?" The twisted face finally reappeared. "This is getting annoying you know!"

"No shit." Tenten rolled her eyes. Her preparations were almost done. She just needed a few more…

Her eyes widened in surprise as she forced herself to move else she get skewered from behind. Facing freaks like her opponent was both good and bad for more experienced fighters. Good in that their killing intent made them damn near impossible to miss when they attempted to go for the final blow. Bad in that they were just stubborn and didn't know when to fucking quit.

Once more she was forced to jump from stone to stone in an impressive feat of acrobatics while firing off dozens of blades in the process to avoid getting skewered. She had at best a second on each rock before it was pulverized by the errant whip-like appendages that snapped at her from various angles…

Until it all stopped as she landed on a single solitary boulder that was isolated from the rest.

"Hahahaha!" The blob like body laughed as it finally reformed itself in its entirety and loomed over the Faker with confidence. A dozen tentacles sprouted out from his twisted face and began to channel an insane amount of chakra at each end. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going to happen next. "Oh man I'm going to enjoy this!"

"That makes two of us." Tenten smirked with a victorious grin as she made three seals with her hands. "Water Style! Thirst of Suigin!"

The effects were instantaneous as the dozens of copies of Kubikirihochou that Tenten had spiked into the earth around the monstrosity in her run around him shone a murky blue before any and all water within their vicinity was forcefully absorbed into them.

It was a useful but horrifying technique. While it could be used defensively against water users, its offensive application was far more devastating. Any form of water, be it part of a plant or animal, would be absorbed into one of the thirsty blades upon the move's activation. Depending on how many swords there were and how large an area she was encompassing, the effect varied… but with this many swords and the only existence within them being virtually made out of water…

The effects were instantaneous. Like he was surrounded by a ring of black holes, the mutated shinobi was diverted from killing his opponent to futilely attempting to keep his very existence intact.

"Guh?! Wha- what the fuck?! What are you doing?!" The monster began to panic understandably as he was stretched out between the multiple voids dragging him apart. "Stop! Stop it now!"

Tenten straightened her posture before looking down upon him coldly. Unlike before there was no confidence. No eagerness. No energy. Just finality in her eyes.

For just the briefest of moments, the assassin could have sworn he had seen a world of weapons behind the girl. Tools of murder of every kind and variety and shape were in every state of the construction process. Even the objects he had never seen before held the idea of "battle", "violence", or "murder" behind them.

"Idiot. You became a monster. You get put down like one. At least die without embarrassing yourself further."

The twisted image of the shinobi's face distorted more under the forces that tore him apart. "No! I'll kill you! Kill! AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Using likely the last bit of power he had that wasn't being ripped away from him, half a dozen tentacles sprouted up and each shot a blast of concentrated electricity at the girl before being ripped apart by the forces around them.

"Rho Aias." The white haired teen simply muttered, spawning a massive transparent crimson seven petal shield in front of her that took the beams.

"How weak." She muttered as her steel grey eyes scanned her defense, not at all paying attention as her attacker had been drained so much that he was literally a human body made of water now, and being stretched horrifically in every direction. "Not even a crack."

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Her prey's animalistic scream of absolute agony travelled unimpaired across the flat grounds as his figure became more emaciated with each passing second… until…

Drip.

There was nothing left to make a sound.

"That was a bit harsh." Chouji observed as he walked to his friend casually. "You usually like putting your opponents down faster than that."

"He was being stubborn." The Faker sighed as her shield and the swords in her hands shattered like glass. She would leave the swords that committed the deed out until the chakra that made them wore off. When her copies of Kubikirihochou dispelled, the water they contained were released at once. She didn't know how her opponent's powers worked, but she doubted that such a boost combined with being ripped apart like that would enable him to live much longer. Still to be safe she didn't want to risk him reforming yet.

"He didn't rip some centipede parasite thing out from his body and then eat the insides before his boost did he?" The Akimichi asked as he looked briefly at the setup. Tenten wasn't the fastest or the strongest out of their age group, but her overall versatility was bluntly put staggering. There were a few that suspected that she had more potential moves in her arsenal than Kakashi did.

"If he did it was out of sight. Bastard slipped into some cracks in the ground before he became a pain." The girl sighed, her personality beginning to thaw out a bit. "I take it your target tried to do the same?"

"Tried." The Akimichi shrugged as if talking about the weather. The one word seemed to answer the rest of the girl's questions too. "Care to see how the others are doing?"

The weapon master stretched as if about to go for a run. "Sure. Maybe they even had more fun than we did."

o. o. o.

With the others:

Shion looked sick as she watched Shino's bugs eat at the body of the purple haired man that had attempted to kill her just minutes earlier.

He had no doubt been tasked to split the shinobi up as they raced through the woods. Under most circumstances it probably would have worked, attacking from a distance while using a pupped to masquerade as the last of his group…

However he probably didn't suspect that the Shinobi carrying his target could actually DO something while carrying someone, and suffered greatly for it. The instant the man attempted to use his custom shuriken, flying enhanced with his wind chakra, it had backfired spectacularly.

The blades had not even made it halfway to Shino and Hinata before Shino's insects had shot out from his body, terrifying Shion to no end in the process, but more importantly swarming the blades and rendering them useless almost instantly as the chakra controlling them was drained at lightning speed.

Before the enemy could even react though, Hinata had reversed her directions in midair with a burst of chakra to the bottom of her feed and rushed the pink haired man that was in the back. Whipping her hands so quickly that most would have trouble telling that she had moved in the first place, the girl had lashed out with several small chakra whips, really chakra strings that were a good deal thicker than what puppeteers used, to tear apart her target… Only to reveal that it was simply a puppet.

"Got you!" The purple haired man grinned as he ignored Hinata's realization to rush his primary target's back. Taking out a kunai he charged it with wind chakra to sharpen and lengthen its blade until it was twice the size of a normal sword and cut both his target and her ride in half…

He shouted again in surprise as said victims burst into a black cloud of insects that latched onto him instantly.

"Haaaaa! Ahh! Aaahhhhhh!" The pain of having his power and flesh eaten all over his body proved to break his concentration enough that he had to fall down to the earth. Even when he did find stable ground he had begun to thrash about a bit out of reaction to his pain. "Fucking bugs! Get the fuck off of me!"

In a last ditch attempt to free himself, the man clapped his hands together in no doubt an attempt to gather chakra and either blow off the oppressing swarm or to perform a jutsu to yield similar result…

CRUNCH.

Unfortunately for him, he had not bothered to pay attention to where his enemies might have been, and as such had his spine destroyed in as Shino landed on top of him and put all of his weight onto the man's shoulders via his legs, shattering every important bone in the assassin's upper body.

For good measure, the Aburame shifted his weight and kicked the downed man's head hard enough to snap the neck before jumping away a small distance and landing on the earth silently. He remained silent for a few moments to ensure that his target was truly dead and not a clone of some sort before realizing that his primary passenger was shivering and holding onto him tightly.

"My apologies Shion-sama." He stated calmly, realizing that he may have gone a bit overboard in front of the noble. "You should not have had to witness or experience something like this first hand. I should have put your reaction at a higher priority, however I allowed my instincts to take control."

The Priestess breathed heavily as she attempted to regain her bearings. Despite Shino's concerns, she was not bothered by his murder, as cruel and vicious as it was. Due to her powers and position, she had already born witness to a good number of deaths, both violent or not.

At the moment she was more unnerved by how much Shino had moved in the last thirty seconds that threw her off. She had managed to hold her nerves for the bulk of the trip and even with the large jumps that were needed while they were travelling over the river, but she was somewhat used to that from the previous timeline…

… Well… used to it in the sense that she could at least stop herself from screaming her head off.

But in those final moments Shino had _moved._ She had thought that shinobi jumped around like at the river normally when they were fighting, but the Aburame had literally made everything blur when he had gone for the kill. It had taken nearly everything she had to keep a hold onto him and not fall off in the process, even when the teen had allowed to freefall and make gravity do the rest of the work at the very end.

"I… I will manage." She managed to gasp out as she loosened her grip a bit. Every nerve she had was tingling from the unfamiliar sensations she had just experienced and it had left her a bit numb. She honestly couldn't see how on earth the fox in her chest was still dead asleep. "I doubt I'll be able to walk for a bit though…"

"How convenient."

Shino's eyes widened in surprise as two parasite like creatures shot out from the ground around his legs and bit his calves at the same time. He could already tell that he had been injected with some sort of fast acting paralysis toxin and that his insects were instantly working on cleaning him out, but they would not be fast enough to get him out of danger with Shion on his back.

"Tch!" The Aburame swore as a vast number of his insects shot out of his body to address the attacking creatures, however it wasn't enough to stop the large boulder from shooting out of the ground and hammering the anchored teen in the chest. The resulting blow threw both him and his charge back, separating the two in the process.

"Shino!" Hinata shouted from a small distance away as she attempted to protect both her client and her teammate.

"Not as much time as I would have liked to do this…" Grunted the pink haired man as he burst from some nearby foliage with a kunai in each hand and dashing straight towards the downed priestess who was still completely confused as to what was happening and just barely pushing herself up. "But I'll have to make due!"

Time seemed to slow down for everyone. Shino was unable to get his insects to move in time. Hinata was too far away. Shion was completely defenseless…

And the snot bubble that had been a part of Naruto's nose had popped.

" _Uh?"_ The clueless fox blinked in confusion and looked up. _"What the hell is going…"_

The shinobi was less than three feet away from them now and his right arm was pointed right at Shion's heart, barely a few inches from where Naruto's head was…

The fox's eyes dilated and went blank…

o. o. o.

_He had been fighting something sickeningly strong. Something he would normally not even try thinking about calculating his odds against. The details were fuzzy, but it was something that was far closer to Ghost's level of power and influence than his. A planetary spirit? A conceptual existence? A fraction of a genuine multiversal god? Something along those lines._

_All he knew was that his saving grace was that the thing couldn't stay materialized for long, the thing wasn't taking him seriously, it actually had a bloody weak spot, and he had some allies. Granted said allies were still fresh to… travelling? He couldn't remember what exactly, but they were still strong enough to be of good help. Granted, he was still technically a noobie as well, but he had some experience under his belt and was taught most of the critical tips to avoid getting killed in most situations…_

_The thing he was fighting was after one of the noobies he was travelling with, the leader in fact. The guy was a bit off his rocker and impatient as hell on a lot of things, hiding his inexperience behind the fact that he had gone through a good deal of shit in life, more so recently. That black and white mentality of his was going to bite him in the ass sooner or later if it hadn't already. But it wasn't his place to make comments or judgments on how the guy should act. His behavior wasn't exactly ideal most of the time either…_

… _Not like they paid him much attention regardless. They clearly had yet to encounter a genuine immortal that wasn't an egotistical asshole yet if only a couple of them could tell when he was joking or not. Poor scrubs wouldn't last a day if they encountered a genuine fae or a world that was ruled by something other than humans. Most of them were far too serious to last that long on their own…_

… _Then there was the noobie leader who was dumb enough to actually think that he was ready to rule a country with an iron fist with literally no firsthand experience in ruling lands and not have things go to hell within the next six months. Yes, the place was a shit hole before he came along. Yes, he saved them from a failing leader and a monstrous psycho. That didn't mean that him taking control and making things better in the short run would mean he was doing the right, or more importantly, smart thing._

_From the way he acted, it was like he turned a pile of shit into a pile of rocks and trying to lord it over everyone else. The rocks were more useful and valuable to be sure, but in the end they were both still amounting to near nothing._

_It didn't help that the people he saved were brainless sheeple after all the crap that they went through and now worshipped the ground the leader walked on. They were the worst sort of people you wanted to rule if you wanted a remotely peaceful society._

_Revolutions rarely go as well as people made them out to be… especially when the empowered demographic has no idea or experience on what to do with all the power they've gotten. The aftermath of these "successful" events are frequently far bloodier and long lasting than the revolutions themselves._

_One of the first rules about "travelling" was that no matter how good you thought you were, you were always wrong. ALWAYS. Even when you were right, you were wrong, so it's best to clam up about petty things like "beliefs" and "social standards" unless you're trying to fuck the local populace over on purpose or get everyone to try and kill you._

_That's why most immortals used pure blunt unbiased logic to judge their actions. Cause and effect. No society based reasoning or morals involved to lead them to do incredibly selfish or stupid things. They've learned to simply not care about the small stuff and expand what qualified as small stuff as well._

_True it made them seem more cruel and distant to others if not completely apathetic, but it also made them a hell of a lot wiser than everybody else. That also explained why they tended to be you know… right practically all the time._

_Plus if you hadn't noticed, most immortals don't really get into major genuine fights or cause problems for others that often outside of the occasional insane selfish nut. There's a reason for that. They really just don't care so long as things don't involve them in some way or get out of hand._

_Example: If an immortal acted childish and like virtually everything was a joke, it simply meant that they didn't really care anymore about how mature people saw them._

_In fact, the ability to genuinely care about one's place in terms of social standards, beliefs, and the like was one of the first things that most immortals lost pretty quickly. Outside of what was needed to interact with other individuals and get around without drawing too much attention, such things are frequently deemed useless and mentally restricting._

_In short, they've learned that not being a pain in the ass is the best way to avoid having others being a pain in their asses. And when someone attempts to be a pain in their ass, they use their infinite wisdom to screw with the situation and BE the ultimate pain in the ass without anyone else knowing it._

_Unfortunately the leader, poor fool, had some severe sort of inferiority and control complex that made him ignore this and kept on pushing himself forward to right "wrongs" from his perspective. All of them._

_Oh in the short run the guy was doing a decent overall job of things and slapping people's own shit in their faces, which he could respect and agree to. Politics, idiot incompetent lords, and all that jazz, stuff he could get behind for the most part… but in the long run…_

… _Yeah he didn't have much faith in the endgame. Probably didn't help with some of the company the guy kept…_

_To be honest, even though he got along with a good number of the group, he had just come along for the ride since they had simply asked for help with the task at hand… and so he could get the fuck away from Ghost. The immortal had been unusually sadistic and cruel in his training recently and he needed a break else he really might have gone insane from the stress…_

_And then his karma kicked in and they were dealing with something on this fucking level…_

o. o. o.

Two feet.

o. o. o.

… _He had pushed his luck. He had managed to hold it down, but the thing they were fighting had actually bothered to put some effort into fighting back before they could banish it and one of his more useful allies got put down in the process. He didn't know if she would live or not._

_The thought didn't slow him down in the slightest. Wasting time worrying about her more than needed to get her out of the way would get him and the others killed._

_He had managed to salvage the situation slightly and stall it for a short time. The others were tiring. They weren't as strong as him… no. Some had potential, but they weren't as experienced and didn't know how to throw to deal with such an enemy… not that it helped given how outclassed they were. Even with presence he could at best barely stagnate the effects the thing generated simply by existing._

_The thing had discovered that he could resist its influence earlier… it wasn't happy. It knew that he wasn't supposed to be there._

_He had become a genuine target._

_Backup had been coming. With the additional numbers they had a good chance of destroying the medium keeping the thing materialized. He had pulled more power out. He had begun to prepare one of his larger techniques…_

_It had been a mistake…_

_An ethereal hand shot out from where he had temporarily buried the monstrosity, plowed through his technique, and latched onto his head…_

_Pain did not even come close to describe what he had experienced._

_His entire being felt molested as the thing's existence overwhelmed his in an instant. He couldn't feel his lungs empty themselves out so hard that blood came out of his mouth. He couldn't see as his eyes instantly became bloodshot and began to dry out. He couldn't tell that all of the skin and hair and head was drying up and falling off. He didn't feel the fact that half of his jaw had been withered away in an instant, and the other half of his mouth turn barren with his remaining teeth splitting under the stress._

_All he could experience was his entire being forced to empty out, his life force literally die off upon contact. He had been killed in multiple… dozens of ways before due to Ghost's actions by this point, on purpose or not, but never like this. It was if everything he was was being snuffed from the inside out for no reason. It wasn't pain, but something far more… absolute… primal… basic… terrifying…_

_The hand was coming for him again…_

_Stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop…_

o. o. o.

One foot.

" _Stop…"_

Shino and Hinata felt something was seriously wrong before they saw or sensed anything happen. It was if they were suddenly in the presence of a caged animal that was on the verge of snapping, and while they were not the targets of its focus, they were no doubt close enough to tell that they were certainly within range of it lashing out at them blindly if they weren't careful.

Just as the assassin was about to stab Shion in the heart, he too had finally realized this as well as every instinct of his screamed at him to run if wished to live. Only then did he notice the little fox's head popping out of his target's shirt, staring at his oncoming arm with wide yet glazed blue eyes. Indeed at the last moment he attempted to back away…

He didn't move fast enough. Not entirely…

It was as if the air around his arm had turned solid and then flexed. There was no "wind". No funnel. No twister, no sound, no bulge, no blades, no excessive manifestation that came with most air based techniques. Instead, the air had just become "solid", cloth like… and already wrapped around the moving appendage…

… This was one of the most terrifying aspects of the Seventh Sense. Virtually any other technique in the Shinobi World has a point of origin. A source. Something to go from point A to point B to get effect C. The Seventh Sense bypassed this rule completely and enabled the user to go straight to effect C if the user was good enough. All the air around Naruto was his. The air you breathed was his. The spot you stood in was his. The air between your clothes and your skin was his.

The sounds made as the limb was twisted, contorted, pulverized and pounded into an indescribable paste that splashed everywhere was unlike anything that the others had ever heard before.

It was a testament to the would-be assassin's skill, speed, and control that he managed to escape with his life. Grated he had ripped off his arm in the process, somehow causing it to explode from the inside out just below his shoulder, but he did manage to avoid the ultimate fate unlike his arm.

"Ghhh?!" The man grimaced as he rolled on the ground and held the wound where his arm was before taking note of the situation. He was alone and heavily wounded. Two shinobi were focusing on him and his target had some horrifyingly powerful… thing that was in between his target's breasts, had nearly just killed him with god knows what sort of jutsu.

He didn't even bother to think before throwing as many deterring objects on the ground to obscure his presence to his enemies before getting the hell out of there.

The area was silent for several moments before Shion finally remembered to gasp for air… and realized that she was covered in blood and gore from the mutilated limb. "What? What just happened?! What just-?!"

"Shion-sama." Hinata snapped, getting the priestess' attention, her voice hard and unyielding, but also touched by a hint of nervousness. "Please do not do anything excessive. Calm down… and most importantly, do not under any circumstances do anything to gain Naruto's attention right now."

"N-Naruto?" The future seer blinked in confusion and looked down to pay attention to the fox in her chest before she finally realized that something was wrong. The small creature was absolutely stiff still and breathing heavily.

Had she been able to see his eyes, she would have been able to see the same thing that Hinata and Shino had. Something that they would have never expected to see in the eyes of the one that had carried them forward for years on end and gave them the motivation to become as strong as they were…

Fear.

Uncontrolled. Unrestrained. Irrational. Absolute. Total paralyzing fear.

o. o. o.

Omake:

How the story would begin if the Oogakari went to another story universe:

Dumbledore sighed as he walked away from four Privet Drive.

He had done the best he could for Harry given the circumstances. The wards set up around his Aunt's home would protect him from virtually anything. More so if the woman truly accepted the poor child into her family as well… though Minerva unfortunately didn't seem to have much faith in that. Not that he could blame her. He had remembered Lily's complaints and comments about her sister when the young woman and her husband had just graduated and become close allies of his…

Still, the boy had an important future ahead of him. He had to prepare for the worst in case Voldemort ever-

"Hey cool. A free baby."

Even years from then, Dumbledore would swear that those five odd words would haunt his dreams for a vast and ever growing number of different reasons.

o. o. o.

In another world:

"SAMURAI PIZZA CATS! WWOOOOOOOTTTTTTT! THEY'RE ALL FREAKING ANIMALS AND THEY MAKE PIZZA! AND THEY'RE FUCKING CATSSS! WHATEVER THIS SHIT IS THAT SHADOW SLIPPED ME IS AWESOME!"

"Oh my god! What is that insane human doing to our pizza cannon?!"

… It's best if no more information was reveled about what happened here. Some things are better left forgotten.

o. o. o.

In the DC Verse:

"How can you guys possibly not have casual Fridays? Have you paid any attention at all to what you normally walk outside dressed in?"

o. o. o.

In the Tohou Verse:

"Ok everyone, you know the drill. We all have an awesome week long party with explosives and some awesome yet twisted sex on the side. In return, I'll keep Scab away from the area for another decade so he won't test if your worship of the Dakka is enough for him to ignore your existence again."

"DEAL!"

o. o. o.

A/N:

That fast enough for you guys?

Anyways, this chapter is to my sister, whose birthday is on Monday. Thank you midget, for reminding me that since our births are so close together, we can now predict the part of the year our parents are in heat… I blame you for this.

The flashback scene was derived from Kagaseo's fic: Echoes, which I highly recommend. Kagaseo also did some minor beta and correction work for the chapter as well, so a big thanks to him for that as well.

So yeah, as for Naruto's breakdown, that's roughly what happens every time he sees a hand go for his head most of the time.

Most of my gaming is done for the time being. Still gotta study for finals, but things are finally calming down for the time being. This means faster chapters like this one. Woot!

For those of you about to scream Naruto Harem boo, calm down. At the very most, I am only considering him being with two girls at the very most. As crazy and insane as most of the characters are, they aren't stupid and know better than to push their luck with these sorts of things…

Also I don't give a damn about what feminists say or feel, I'm throwing in the filler Nadeshko kunoichi into the story because I feel like making people cry and get stuck in odd situations for my sick amusement.

So that's about it.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! PREPARE THE PREPARATIONS FOR THE PREPARING OF THE PREPARER! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Ten: … Were you expecting something witty written here?

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

"I can't believe it." Tenten muttered for the hundredth time as she paced back and forth. "He did it. He actually did it. Sensei fucking broke Naruto. I mean, sure, we _joked_ about it all the time sure. It's not like our training consisted of rainbows and sunshine and puppies… excluding Akamaru… and rational thinking either. Hell I don't think any of us are completely right in the head at this point, but we didn't think that he'd go over the line…"

"Tenten." Shino interrupted his teammate's ranting. "That's enough. You don't have to say it every five minutes. We are well aware of the irony…"

The weapon user grimaced as she glanced back to where Hinata was sitting on the ground and soothingly petting the still very much petrified fox in her lap. The progress was slow, but there was a noticeable difference in the fox. His eyes were half open and less alert than they had been, giving everyone the impression that he _wouldn't_ tear them apart if they accidentally caught his attention now.

Naruto's unnatural reaction to the attempted assassination had caught everyone off guard understandably. So much so that by the time anyone remembered that there was an assassin still out there it had been too late to try and track him. It wouldn't have made a difference even if they had though. Shino had been poisoned and needed medical treatment regardless of how well the insects in his body were stagnating the progression.

It had taken almost all of Hinata's self-control to remain calm as she constantly switch between treating Shino and ordering Shion to not do anything stupid and provoke another reaction from the borderline hyperventilating fox in her shirt. She would have used a bit of presence or killing intent to drive the point home, and she was very much tempted to, however it would have been counterproductive since Naruto would have been affected as well and she sure as hell wasn't willing to risk triggering another violent reaction.

Thankfully the priestess had quickly understood that something was wrong with Naruto and left the matter alone. However, it did not stop her from at least trying to comfort him slightly and whisper comforting things to him in order to calm him down. Whatever minute effect it had on the fox, it clearly wasn't doing the Hyuuga's temperament any favors.

Needless to say, the three of them nearly had a heart attack when Chouji and Tenten loudly arrived just as Hinata was slowly attempting to remove the fox from their charge's shirt.

"Sensei did warn us about not reaching for his head, but I didn't think it would be this bad." Chouji shook his head.

"Sensei says a lot of things…" Hinata grumbled under her breath while petting the fox in her lap. The simple action was probably the only thing that was calming her down enough to prevent her from radiating killing intent everywhere. "We are going to have to… fix, that issue when we get back so that he says only important things from now on…"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"What is it this time?" Tsunade sighed as she walked up to Asuma who was watching the show from the top of a building.

"No clue." The chain smoker shrugged as Ghost Oogakari, still in the middle of a busy street, screamed that "it wasn't his fault this time damn it" for the hundredth time before going back to crying and feebly punching the ground like a child. "Pretty sad to watch really."

"I would make a comment about you having nothing better to do, but considering who it is we're talking about, there unfortunately isn't." The Hokage shook her head in depression.

She had heard the Raikage complain about his brother's behavior on multiple occasions… she wanted to smack him senseless with super strength and switch positions with him for a day every time he did so. The man would probably finally clam up if she did it, but she never mentioned her thoughts to the Oogakari. They'd no doubt do something to make it happen just for laughs.

She had learned her lesson after the last three times, thank you very much.

"So how should we get him out of the streets this time?" The Sarutobi asked curiously while scratching his beard in a thoughtful manner. Apparently he had adapted the habit from his father recently. "If memory serves, that team you sent out should have Tora by now..."

The blonde woman smirked knowingly. "I suppose I could have them go on a small detour before returning with their objective…"

o. o. o.

"As much as your friend's outburst is concerning can someone please explain why we are not leading Shion-sama to the temple?" Taruho asked sternly as he reappeared with the priestess, having taken time to attend to her so that she would no longer be covered in the remains of a completely torn apart human arm. "Time is of the essence."

"And only the stupid rush in blind." Tenten snorted as if talking to a child. "We are all that's keeping her alive on this trip correct? One of us is poisoned. Our furry tag along, who I have no doubt holds more destructive potential than the rest of us combined, is one jolt away from accidentally killing anyone in his field of vision. Our leader, who is also our medic, is busy making sure both are recovering as fast as possible. On the other side of the field, the enemy will no doubt they will be desperate to pull out ALL the stops now that we've killed a majority of his assassination force, meaning that when we do finally get to the end of the line, they will be throwing everything they have at us out of sheer desperation."

Chouji nodded. "If we go now, it will be just with Tenten and I. We are very strong yes, but we would also have to focus on protecting Shion-sama in the process. It would not be to our advantage to do that.

"Do not be concerned Taruho-san. Why? Because of Hinata's treatment and my insects, I will be ready to fight in a few hours." Shino grunted as he shifted from where he was resting against a tree. His glasses flashed in the fading light in the sky. "In addition to that, I am also working on a counter strategy to the enemy's unique chakra thanks to Chouji's contributions."

The Akimichi smirked as he recalled the head and gel of the corrupted creature he brought back to the group. It was a shame that he couldn't give it to Tsunade to study, but he couldn't argue against handing his spoils to Shino…

… Shino held grudges like no one else, and he could get the most out of the crushed insect like head.

There was no doubt about it to those that knew him over the years. The Aburame was out for blood after getting put down so easily on a mission that he had been looking forward to… and he would get it by the end of the mission.

"And what about Naruto-san?" Taruho glanced down at the fox. "If he should not recover soon, he would only be a risk to the task at hand."

Hinata kept her temper in check. The aid, while a bit blunt, was correct in his statement. To him the biggest issue at hand was getting Shion to the temple containing Moryo's body so she can reinforce the seal and prevent the demon from completely reawakening…

Personally, she _highly_ doubted the monster was as powerful as the Kyubi, as did the others, but the higher ups in Konoha had taken the situation seriously enough that they were sent regardless with explicit orders to get the job done.

"… Despite his less than ideal behavior, Naruto is an exceptionally important asset to Konoha." Hinata spoke politically. "Leaving him alone in unknown territory would do us no favors. Even if it will make the mission more difficult, he is staying with us."

"If he's so important, then why did he show up so unexpectedly by himself?" The aid frowned.

"He was out training for a few years, and something happened on the way back and he got separated from his master." Tenten shrugged casually. She had been dating Neji for over a year now, so she had practice coming up with half-truth answers to fool Byakugan users. "He probably got lost trying to get back to Konoha and here we are. Like we said when he first showed up, things tend to happen when he's around."

"We noticed." The aid deadpanned.

"What happened to him?" Shion asked, having rarely turned her eyes off of the small fox on Hinata's lap since the incident. As much as the Hyuuga was seething at the mere idea that the priestess had the nerve of making out with her boyfriend right in front of her, the kunoichi could at least appreciate the fact that the client seemed to be genuinely concerned for his wellbeing.

"Speaking from personal experience… sometimes training as a shinobi can literally be too much and lead to unfortunate consequences." Chouji sighed before nodding to the weapon master of the group. "In my case, I'm still terrified of the idea of Tenten here unleashing her cache of explosives on me after she did just that when we were younger."

The accused snorted as the Akimichi began to shiver and relive the terrifying experience. "Don't worry big guy. You know I learned my lesson. I'll only try to destroy you by gutting you in our spars. I save my explosives for everyone else now."

"Naruto's master is… eccentric, even by shinobi standards. Powerful certainly, however his behavior is… unreliable, at times." Shino elaborated, taking the civilian's minds off of Tenten's and Chouji's awkward conversation. "We did not expect Naruto to return with an ideal sense of self control, nor did we expect him to as a raving lunatic… however this," he nodded his head to the fox, "is unfortunately something that we can believe, albeit in an exceptionally extreme case."

Taruho shook his head, clearly tired of trying to reason out the situation. "That still doesn't explain how we are to deal with the situation should he not recover."

"You make it sound as if I have been doing nothing this entire time." Hinata's eyes narrowed as she casually stroked the fox in her lap before lifting the limb and channeling enough chakra to make it glow. "I've been soothing Naruto's pathways and forcing him to calm down since we decided to rest here. As a medic trained by Hokage-sama herself, and as the Hyuuga heiress, I am more than capable of handling this sort of situation."

"Oh yeah. I forgot you could do that." Tenten blinked in realization. "Just like the time Lee was going nuts and he needed help closing one of his gates a year ago. You think that will be enough with Naruto though? I mean, given how much chakra he must have these days…"

"Tenten, this is Naruto and Hinata we are talking about." Chouji snorted as he watched their team leader place her glowing hand softly onto the fox's head. "I doubt Tsunade-sama knows his body better than she does."

"I'm going to see if I can go a bit deeper." The Hyuuga slowly closed her eyes and controlled her breathing. "Please wake me up if something happens or I take too long…"

"Deeper?" Shion blinked in confusion.

"It's a shinobi thing." Tenten casually answered with the universal vague answer that all ninja gave civilians whenever they wanted to keep a secret.

The excuse has been around for centuries and it _still_ works on most civilians. Obviously, shinobi loved it, and the rest of the world had a tendency of pulling out their hair in frustration whenever it was slapped across their face.

"I didn't know she was good enough to do that by herself." Chouji looked at Hinata, impressed. "I thought Naruto, Sasuke and Ino were the only ones our age able to do it."

"I believe this is a special case." Shino spoke up. "Why? Because Hinata and Naruto are very close and have a strong bond with one another. Also because Naruto's mind is a bit different than most."

"A strong bond…" The priestess looked at the peaceful looking kunoichi with the half paralyzed fox on her lap.

"Well if everyone's done with twenty questions, I think now is a good time to plan out how to not screw the rest of the day up." Tenten clapped her hands together and rubbed them eagerly. "So, let's start planning on how to murder a demon, shall we?"

"We're supposed to prevent him from being resurrected." Taruho frowned.

"And its small time thinking like that that will keep you perpetually in the little leagues." The weapon master grinned. "Ok. Idea number one. We hit him with lots of explosives. Idea two. We hit him with more explosives. Idea three. _All_ the explosives. _At once._ "

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't emulate anymore of Scabbard-sensei. Having one of him around is hard enough as it is."

"Tenten, please stop fooling around." Chouji sighed. "None of us would ever survive plan three and you know it."

"It's our backup plan." The Faker pouted. "Going out in a blaze of beautiful exploding glory that will no doubt be remembered for generations to come."

"I thought relying on Naruto would be our final stand plan."

"He's our backup backup. I don't want him taking the credit this time. This is my… _our, our_ time to shine."

"Of course it is."

"Regardless, I think it's safe to say that anything wrong we do we blame on Naruto on the report. No one would ever question us with that excuse. Ever."

"I concur with Tenten."

"See? Even Shino agrees with me."

"Shino. You're recovering from being poisoned. We can't trust you to be in your right mind at the moment."

"I can't help but feel we've hit a new low if you're our current voice of reason."

"Owch. That was harsh Shino."

"And I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now then, can we please focus on ways to kill the enemy instead of goading ourselves to off one another?"

"But this is fun! Why can't we do both?"

Taruho and Shion merely blinked and stared at the three banter in a dazed silence. They would have argued that their bickering would have gotten them killed, but Shion wasn't getting any visions, so they must have done something right in the near future… hopefully.

o. o. o.

Hinata opened her eyes and found herself standing in a long corridor.

The flooring was made of weathered hard stone, though most of it was covered by the fine crimson rug that ran up the entirety of the walkway. The floor itself never met the walls. Instead it dropped off a few feet short to form trenches, allowing what appeared to be glowing water flow in undetermined amounts down from one end to the other. Small bridges went over them wherever there was a door breaking the otherwise monotonous dull red walls. Light was provided by the occasional electrical fixtures in the stone ceiling and the glowing fluid to her sides.

All in all it wasn't a very comforting setting. Not ominous, but not truly soothing either.

Looking at the nearest doors, the Hyuuga could not help but express some curiosity. Not a single one was the same as the next. The one closest to her appeared to be made of some heavy wood and other material, and over the top was a wooden plaque that read "Ryuzanpaku" in kanji.

Not only that but she could hear a great deal of muffled frantic screaming of various brands coming from the other side that eerily reminded her of her training with the Oogakari. The random shouts of "Apapapapapapapa" only further enforced her ideas.

"Categorized memories…" The girl muttered as she looked around curiously at the other doors. She was too far to hear anything coming from them, but it didn't stop her from noting what they looked like…

… One stone door with seven balls around the borders with stars on them.

… Another that had a straw hat hanging from the top.

… Yet another surrounded by symbols of a skull, a sun, a tree, a fireball, and a drop of water, with an odd triangular insignia on the door itself.

… A standard looking traditional wooden sliding door with carvings of cicadas and seagulls around the frames.

… A warped door that was sealed off with a salvo of black chains.

… A vault like door with a crimson insignia shaped like a circle with an arch inside.

… A wooden worn set of doors with a shattered mask carved on the front and a wing of bone on fire jutting from its right side.

... And many more.

On a side note, she pretended to ignore the doorway with the frame consisting of naked female marble busts, soft fabric likely from bedding, and a peculiar multicolored haze that hovered around it…

…For now. She didn't pay attention at all to the decorations or the large breasts and body shape of the décor… or how when she passed by she heard the moans of _more_ than one clearly female voice…

… Really. She totally didn't.

… Just like she didn't walk to it and seriously ponder opening it to see what was on the other side, or futilely try to use her bloodline to see past the door when some of the female voices all but screamed out Naruto's name in euphoric bliss.

Nope. No one could prove that it had happened, so it clearly didn't.

Instead, she (eventually) walked to the end of the hallway where the source of the glowing water originated. It wasn't until she felt like she had been walking for half an hour before she heard something other than the constant bubbling of flowing water.

o. o. o.

"I still think it's a bad idea." A female voice sighed. "I mean yes we have to keep an eye on that priestess girl, but this? This will cause more problems than solve and you know it."

" **And here we thought your spawn had actually gotten smarter. Silly us."** An inhuman voice grunted, so heavy with sarcasm that it had a tone in itself. **"It's foolish emotional decisions that are the reason why humans are always at one another's throats. The more your kind tries to force balance, the easier it is to fall apart. It makes for an interesting show…"**

"Yes yes. We all know you thrive on watching our kind enjoys screwing things up, but can we focus on our original topic?" A young but mature male voice sighed.

" **Ah yes. My favorite entertainment of all. Much more interesting than my soaps. Better acting too."**

"We should never have let Ghost set up cable in here with Korean dramas." The female voice sighed.

" **Fine then. I just won't let you watch tomorrow's season finale."**

"Like hell you won't!"

Without warning the hairs on the back of everyone's necks stood on end as they felt as if they were about to be stabbed everywhere on her body at a speed so fast that it might as well have been at once…

"Focus." The human male voice sternly ordered the other two. "Naruto's had enough trouble as it is. His return to Konoha won't be an easy one the way he is now with the current political situation mixed with what he's done and his current mindset, and Shion's just making things more complex. The Oogakari could play the apathetic card to the village issues to get in and out of everything because they are outsiders and their personalities allow it, but Naruto isn't in the same position. He's expected to be more than just a tool now that everyone knows we are his parents, and any major decisions he makes are going to be extremely scrutinized. Naruto can't go into such an environment as he is now and he knows it. We were quiet about it before, but the priestess revealing what she did is too much. She's a new factor that we have to keep in mind."

"Mmm." The female voice sighed. "We have to keep an eye on her now, but simply bringing her back to Konoha, even if Naruto doesn't come with, is still going to cause us a slew of headaches even if she doesn't mean to. If that was it then I'd suggest using a Yamanaka to wipe her memories when she slept… but she did save Naruto's life that one time, and her powers are the real deal. Having her around could really help us get out of some big jams.

"Damn it! But that idiot son of mine is genuinely considering the option that it might be ok to have her as a wife alongside Hinata too!" Frustration was clearly the greatest emotion the woman was experiencing at the moment. "I knew having that perverted Oogakari teach him about Harems, why they rarely work, their mechanics, and the fundamentals behind the ones that do work would bite us in the ass! But NOOOO! I thought that he was smarter than that! I mean sure the girl seems to truly like him, and she does seem to be putting in an effort but come on!"

" **Bah. You humans always overcomplicate things. How is it that your so called leader is the strongest warrior in the village, yet you always seem to be pushed around by your pack more often than you are giving orders? How irrational."** The deep voice yawned before a rumbling that was later determined to be a dark chuckling could be heard. **"And this is why none of my shows will ever top this shit."**

"Don't jump the gun." The male voice sighed. "You know that Naruto's only considering it as an option at the moment. Even he knows that it's a risky plan at best. Having her become a second wife would, if it worked, be the best outcome for everyone. It would provide a shield around Shion in multiple ways and give us a reason to keep her always in eyesight. Really I think just having her in the village after this will be a good enough sign."

" **She's a weakling and a liability."** The fox yawned. **"Unlike your other comrades, she doesn't have training in the art of war. At best she will be an annoyance to the enemy as she rewrites fate to avoid them, which will cause her to become a larger target down the line."**

"Don't downplay her." The Hokage chided. "Even if her chakra wasn't set to counter yours in particular, it was still potent enough to make you feel uncomfortable earlier. It is likely that she is capable of affecting Demonic entities, not just Moryo. It could come in handy if Akatsuki somehow start using the captured biju later. Plus she has gotten considerably stronger since the last time."

"I think she might actually have some Uzumaki blood in her." Kushina mused. "An extremely distant relative perhaps, but when you put the facts together it makes sense. I mean, she has strong chakra for someone that has never undergone shinobi training. Her family is known for its powerful seals that are particularly effective against demons. Convenient power like that doesn't come from nowhere after all."

" **A pity that all things have to go somewhere regardless."** The biju yawned before the air around him changed slightly. **"Our guest has finally arrived."**

Hinata walked out of the seemingly endless hallway to enter what was likely the largest room she had ever been in her life. Even without looking up she could see that the ceiling seemed to not exist, the walls and occasional pillars extending upward to near infinity.

The side of the room she came out of reached far to either side of her, and it was only because of her advanced eyes that she was able to see the distant ends on either side. To her estimation, they were nearly five miles in both directions.

However what caught her attention the most were the three individuals before her. She had recognized all three at once. The Fourth Hokage Minato Namikaze, his wife, Kushina Uzumaki… and the Nine tailed fox itself…

… Only the beast was _vastly_ larger compared to the first and only time she had laid eyes on him three years ago. Multiple times the size he was back then, the biju lying down was still taller than the few Boss Summons she had been in the presence of over the years. Each one of his lazily swaying titanic nine tails moved as if they had minds of their own, never getting in the other's way and each so massive that any question about the stories of them destroying mountains and causing tsunamis were instantly put to rest.

She was less than an ant in front of this existence in the form of a creature. She could feel the power radiating off of its very breath and she wasn't even that close to the thing. The mere idea of trying to fight it was laughable, and the supposed "facts" that there were individuals that had managed to subdue such a thing in the past even more so.

"You…" Hinata swallowed as she attempted to regain control over herself. "You have certainly gotten larger since the last time we've met Kyubi-sama."

"Awww. Did you hear that?" Kuchina smirked while talking to the fox as if it was a child. "You're a big boy now Kurama."

Hinata's eyes widened as one of the fox's immense tails suddenly lashed out at the human standing in front of him and attempted to crush her… only to be stopped and reflected back by a glowing blue barrier that materialized around his target. Despite the failed attempt, the mere collision and movement of the two forces was tremendous, the whiplash more than enough to push the girl back a good dozen meters or so.

" _So strong…"_ The Hyuuga grimaced before she noticed the glowing chains that were coming out of the woman's back and creating the outline of the shield.

" **Humph."** The fox grunted in mild annoyance as his titanic tail returned to its ambient swaying, clearly not at all expecting his attempted murder to actually work. **"And you are still a dead insect to me."**

"Calm down you two." The former Hokage sighed, somehow not at all moved from his original spot from the whiplash. "We all know why she's here. Why don't we talk to her first before you start fighting again."

"I would greatly appreciate that Hokage-sama." Hinata laughed nervously as she let her arms down. She had a new amount of respect for anyone that could survive in such a situation with such ease.

"I guess we can do that." Kushina pouted as the chains around her faded away. "She's worried sick about Naruto after all…"

" **Someone has to."** Kurama yawned. **"His irrational reactions have been more annoying and amusing than concerning to us for almost a year now. By human standards, that would make you two fairly poor parents."**

"Yes well, we've crossed that line a while ago unfortunately." Minato sighed in mocking defeat. "By human standards, we're also kinda dead because of said actions, so I'm certain it evens out at some point."

" _I'm starting to think that having these three in his head at once only made things worse for Naruto over time… my head's hurting just listening to them."_ Hinata's eyebrow twitched in irritation. "Where's Naruto? Shouldn't you be with him if he's withdrawn himself this much?"

The fox chuckled. **"The Oogakari must be slipping if one of their students cannot figure out such a simple task."**

Hinata risked glaring at the monstrosity in front of her in annoyance before taking his hint to heart and activated her eyes…

And suppressed a tremendous shudder as she turned to the invisible, silent, and sickeningly powerful monsoon that was taking place to the right of everyone. The only reason why she didn't feel the storm before was simply because the biju in front of her was naturally generating so much chakra and power that the dregs of the air being kicked up could not even get close to where she was, or the other half of the tremendous room for that matter.

It was honestly a frightening thing to witness. There was no dust in this realm. No ambient steam or debris. No rain, clouds or lightning… so the storm for all intents and purposes was impossible to detect via normal means…

"Wh-what?" The girl took a step back in surprise as she took the unnatural phenomena in.

"Yeah. That's what normally happens when he has an episode." Kushina sighed and scratched the side of her head. "Took us a while to figure out how to calm him down, but at least he doesn't react this way in the middle of a fight anymore. That really scared us for a while."

"Why haven't you done anything to help him?" The girl turned to the woman half stunned half angry.

The Uzumaki rolled her eyes. "Hinata. We've seen this over a dozen times now, and in situations far worse than the one you are currently in. To be perfectly honest it's lost its shock value from our perspective. We _can_ calm him down if we want, but he's not alone or in any need to quickly recover this time. He'll probably get better from the whole thing faster if more people start helping him out."

" _They expected me to come…"_ The girl frowned before reluctantly agreeing with the woman's argument and turned to the invisible storm. Try as she might, she couldn't see anyone where the center was. "What happened that made him act this way?"

" **Something vastly above his ability to handle."** The Biju snorted, his head still lying on his paws. **"And something that knows better than to show up anywhere near here."**

"It's best to leave it at that Hinata." The Hokage sighed and shook his head. "There are some parts of Naruto's training that are better off forgotten. Even we didn't come out unscathed by some of his adventures these past few years. The only problem is that forgetting or dealing with them is proving to be a bit of a chore."

"I noticed." The girl muttered as she used a few shunshin to reach the edge of where the Kyubi's chakra reigned dominant and where the monsoon took over. Slowly she reached out with her right hand… only to pull it back quickly to look at the small slew of cuts that laced her palm and fingers.

"I'm fairly sure I made comments that hinted that it wouldn't be easy to get close to him." Kushina sighed as she watched the girl's hand glow and slowly healed itself. "Fuzzy here nearly lost his right claw the first time he attempted to force his way in."

" **Only after you nearly got yourself decapitated woman."** The biju yawned. **"I was rather amused at the improvised haircut you had obtained from your efforts. It suited you. Like a rabid monkey."**

"I'll show you rabid monkey…" The woman grunted before Hinata caught her attention by slowly raising her presence, giving the girl a soothing glow. "Hmmm. She's gotten better at least. Figured out how to get to Naruto as well."

"She has an interesting presence." Minato nodded as he took the feeling in. "It's definitely a familiar sensation, but not one with a genuine physical representation. I can't put my finger on it…"

" **Mmmm. Whatever it is, I recognize it as well. It's an old sensation, ancient and very basic, even to me."** One of the fox's eyes opened curiously to observe the girl. **"Not unlike those light elementals we encountered during our travels… but something distinctly different at the same time. More specific."**

"She's that out there huh?" Kushina sighed. "Should have figured. My son sure knows how to pick them."

The three watched as her power seemed to mesh with the invisible storm for what seemed like minutes before she seemed to be slowly pulled into it without resistance. Unlike before though, Hinata did not suffer any injuries as she walked calmly towards the source. Had any of them been a chakra sensor, they would have noted that the wild wind seemed to accept, for lack of a better word, the girl and embrace her instead of tearing her apart like a piece of paper made of meat.

Slowly, the pale girl walked outside of where the Kyubi's chakra reigned supreme and through the storm. She didn't rush her progress. Even if she wasn't a wind elemental, she had spent enough time with Naruto to know that it was always better to allow the wind to take you rather than force your will over it.

Within minutes she was practically gliding through the storm, being carried by the seemingly natural air currents around her and through the otherwise harsh and monsoon like conditions. She could practically feel Naruto's mindset and emotions through the wind and see how bad it was with her eyes. It was if Naruto was the storm itself rather than its source.

And the closer she got to the center, the more intense everything was. She had to turn off her byakugan simply because all she could see at that point were the chakra supersaturated wind streams that glowed so brightly that she couldn't tell what three feet in front of her was.

That comment about the Kyubi nearly losing a claw earlier seemed a great deal more likely now.

And yet the air around her still accepted her existence, embracing her gently and pulling her closer to the center as if she was the only thing that this cataclysmic phenomena would accept.

She didn't have a good way to measure time here, but she knew that she had been floating for a while before she finally managed to see where her target was. She didn't notice him immediately as she approached because the air around him seemed to ripple like a mirage on a hot day, but as she got within a few dozen feet of him or so, the distortion began to clear up…

He was kneeling on one knee, facing the ground. One hand was used to prop himself up, and the other seemed to have a death grasp on his face. His fingers were spread apart, and while he wasn't facing anyone, Hinata could tell that his haunted eyes were wide open and glowing with power. His breathing was forced. Not labored, but deep and he was clearly putting in an effort to control it. Every other exhale he gave came with a shiver, whether it was due to exhaustion or fear was anyone's guess.

The amount of chakra coming off of him was absurd.

Hinata had assumed that she had gotten used to being near individuals with high levels of chakra, the Oogakari, Kurama, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Naruto himself as prime examples, but she had never actually seen Naruto FORCE out this much power at once before.

She was inside of his mindscape, so he and the Kyubi were two separate existences here… and yet despite not having that link, the blonde was exerting enough chakra that even she would mistake him for a Biju like entity at first glance if she didn't know him instinctively. She knew deep down that he was capable of doing this outside in the real world if he wished to. It would no doubt exhaust him, but this insane demonstration of power, this phenomena in human form…

… This broken and utterly exhausted person was what had come out of those three years of training… what he genuinely believed he needed to achieve in order to stay alive.

"Naruto..." Hinata spoke up as she slowly urged herself forward through the core of the storm. Even if the wind had accepted her, there was still a good deal of resistance and raw pressure emanating from the source. "Naruto, please. I'm here now. Let me in. I'm not angry. You know that. No one is going to hurt you."

She felt a slight drop in the pressure pushing her away, but nowhere near enough to allow her to get closer. Seeing that she needed a little extra something to calm him down, the girl put more power into her presence. It didn't push back against the wind, but it did seem to shine through with its soothing aura, both reaching the source and the power around it.

"I was scared when I heard you didn't come back. I wanted to see you so badly after so long… but then when I heard that you willingly ran away from everyone… that Sensei actually did go too far… you were alone out there with so many strong people after you, you knew how I was going to react. Please. Let me in so I can help. You need rest."

The force pushing her back slowly began to weaken more at a faster rate. Step by step she managed to push forward, never going further than she thought she needed to… until she was finally within arm's reach of him.

She didn't reach out though. She couldn't risk triggering another reaction, so instead she slowly circled around him, going with the airflow until she was at his side and gently rested her hand on his back, rubbing his stiff shoulders and whispering calm words to him so that he knew she was there. There was a brief tenseness in his body when she first made contact, however that almost instantly went away. The chakra emanating from his body began to die off at a much faster rate as well.

"There there." She spoke in a gentle tone. It was how she occasionally talked to Hanabi when the girl had undergone a particularly rough day of training or was just tired of the world. "It's ok. I'm here now."

"… Tired." The blonde muttered out in a dry voice. It was less the voice of a child complaining from a long day, and more the voice of an old man just weary of the world itself. Slowly his body began to lose its balance and lean to the Hyuuga's direction.

This was not the Naruto that seemed to be a perpetual source of energy, chaos, and amusement. This was not the Naruto that _would_ murder half a country to save his friends. This was not the Naruto that had big dreams and constantly believed himself.

This was the Naruto underneath all of that. The one that Hinata fell in love with. The simple person that was just tired of a crappy life and just wanted something better for himself. The one that didn't break under all the pressure that came from the world and his own behavior. The boy that reminded her of herself…

"Anyone would be after spending so much time with Sensei without a break." Hinata smiled as she slowly began to guide his body down while moving herself in the process. "You just hit your limit later than everyone else."

A dry snort escaped Naruto's mouth as he slowly looked up at her. "Everyone has a limit. Even Ero-Nii."

Hinata paused as she looked into the two slit blue eyes that she had always been enamored with. They were still as sharp as ever, however their color were dulled by exhaustion. She had noticed the bags under his eyes from just before he had turned into a fox, but she didn't get a good enough look to notice just how bad they were. She had never seen him so exhausted outside of a fight before, and it looked as if he had been like this for a while.

"Well Sensei has Hana and Anko." The girl smiled as she sat on her legs and began to prop the blonde's upper body on her thighs. "I have you all to myself."

A small tired smile made its way onto his face as his eyes slowly began to close. "I missed you."

"And I missed you." She replied as she leaned forward and gave him a brief kiss on the lips. "Rest. You look terrible."

The jinchuriki's eyes softened. "Nightmares…"

"I'm here now. Don't worry." The girl began to play with his hair and rub his head with her fingers. She didn't even bother to notice that monstrously huge storm that she had traveled through was all but gone now. "You won't have any with me around. I promise."

The blonde's eyes closed more as his head laid on her thighs. "Warm… soft…"

"That's right. I'm here now." The girl whispered soothingly while helping him relax.

"… Save everyone this time…" The dazed teen muttered, clearly not at all paying attention to what he was saying. "… I promise…"

The Hyuuga's eyes narrowed momentarily before relaxing again. Now wasn't the time to focus on such concerning things. "I know you will."

o. o. o.

Somewhere west of the land of Earth:

"Ok. I can understand why we avoided the first five or so villages that we came across in order to make sure that no one would be able to trace our entry point when we were finally seen…" The raver began slowly as his group traveled through the trees. It was an excessively tedious and slow method of travelling, however sacrifices had to be made in order to not get immediately spotted by the monsters that had found and blocked off this universe in the first place.

Granted, they had cheated a tad bit when they were away from the bulk of society and half flew off of the tops of the trees themselves to speed things up, but still they were moving at a far slower pace than they would normally prefer.

"That's fine, I'm cool with that. The thing is I draw the line when we've been constantly moving for over a week with barely any rest, save snack and shit breaks."

"I've told you. We are moving to an area where the density of high level individuals is significantly smaller." The businessman didn't bother to look back. "The less of them there are…"

"The less of a shot we'll have to fight someone and risk exposing ourselves. I'm not a rookie you know." The tired man snapped. "Still I get a bit peeved when I notice that in your wonderful idea to keep us away from danger, we have yet to actually come across anything resembling, oh I don't know… human civilization for the past twelve hours."

"I don't know about you guys, but I prefer to go to the bathroom in places that have plumbing whenever possible." Their female companion sighed. "… It also means we don't have to use our own toilet paper whenever we go too."

"Rule number sixteen girl. There are three things you can never bring too much of when on the road that will benefit you no matter what world you are in. Medical supplies. Socks. And toilet paper." The eldest of their group chuckled.

"If you go on that lecture on how to kill a person with all three of those things again, I will hide away your stash for a week old man." The sensor of the group apparently was clearly familiar and annoyed with the particular subject.

"And the moral of the story is to never give old people prune juice. Wonderful conversation lady and gentleman, now not to be rude, but can we finally FIND SOMEPLACE TO STAY ALREADY?!"

"Can you speak a bit louder? I believe the Sky Mother didn't hear you that time." The Spaniard yawned.

"No seriously. We have someone with one of the most broken sensory abilities in existence with us." The man grunted as he nodded his head to the cleanest one there. "Even our ride, the ever so annoying Stained Glass, wouldn't be able to get the drop on us with him around. Finding a decent place to crash shouldn't be exactly difficult for him."

The group was silent for a good fifteen seconds before the old man began to chuckle, clearly amused.

"Are you fucking for real?!"

"What my dear descendant is trying to elaborate is that while his abilities are indeed impressive… well, let's just say that he hasn't ironed out all the bugs when it comes to utilizing them yet. In other terms, that he still hasn't managed a way to see past the… "fog of war", I believe it's called in gamer terms, but he can still see enemy units… when they fight."

"… So we're lost." Their female companion summed up their situation in three words.

"Pretty much." The elder agreed, not at all concerned with the truth.

"Oh come on!"

"Where's your sense of adventure?" The most confident of the group asked with a mocking pout.

"I used it all up when I realized we were trespassing on _claimed God Class territory while knowing that said God Class was still there_." The others could almost hear him gritting his teeth in frustration. "I might be useful against some of the lower ranking ones, but anything higher than the weakest ones and I'd be best on the sidelines. Hell the only one of us that wouldn't be wiped out by a sneeze from those monsters is you old man."

"Oh well I'm glad to know you put such faith in my prowess."

"Is there anything else you may have neglected to inform the rest of us since we seem to be on a magnificent role at the moment?" Their female companion was enjoying the show greatly. She really didn't care much about their situation, but watching her old friend freak out like this was always fun to watch.

"… Well we are somewhat near where I felt a few minor fights a few hours ago." The sensor stated. "Two of them were minor presence users, and for a moment I may have felt a third but it had only been for an instant, and erratic at that…"

"And how long ago was this?" The elderly man asked before the third male blew a blood vessel.

"Roughly four hours ago. They should be clear of the area by now."

"Describe the fighters." Despite the pleasant tone in the leader's voice, it was clear he wasn't asking.

"One was fighter. Male. Close range, body mass and earth element manipulation. Capable of enough raw physical power to be of some concern but otherwise nothing special." The sensor stated as if looking at a book. "The other one… was a bit peculiar. Weapon and tool oriented, but more along the blacksmith variety. There was more to the user's power than that, but she hasn't mastered or explored the full scope her abilities yet so I was unable to get a clear reading. Both in their mid-teens, so we can expect them to at best be only mildly experienced."

"A blacksmith eh?" The woman's interest was clearly perked as she licked her lips out of habit. "Those are pretty rare. Think she might be capable of making us some pretty trinkets that are worth something if we, ah… ask her?"

"Who knows?" The elderly man shrugged, not at all missing what his companion was hinting at. "She was taught by someone who knew what they were doing, else she wouldn't be sensed in the first place. Wouldn't get my hopes up though. Most blacksmith oriented fighters work with what they know and understand. If you haven't noticed, this world doesn't exactly scream interesting and valuable trinkets. It's probably not worth the trouble."

"It's nice that you are keeping in mind that we came here to find something of value, but I don't think going after one of the people that is in contact with the owners of this territory is a wise idea." The sensor's patronizing tone was so thick they could practically feel it.

"Then again, they might be our only lead to anything decent on this boring universe. We didn't come here for sightseeing massive trees here you know." The woman's counter made sense. So far nothing really struck out at them as particularly interesting or valuable to bring back home save for the fact that the natural forestry was unusually large and the existence of the occasional rather large woodland animal.

"How about we put that idea on hold until we have an idea of where the hell we are." The most irritated of the group snarked. "As it stands, that plan has as much chance working as Carmen here does getting through a metal detector without the thing spamming out."

The sound of heavy objects rustling about mechanically from under the smiling woman's poncho was heard. "Yes, but I'm generally too much for standard mall cop security."

"That's not what I heard…"

"One time. One time I was checking out a dystopia world where every bloody corner had a damn cop armed to the teeth with antimatter artillery and every other lamppost had either a camera or miniturret set up on it…" The grunted under her breath. "Why can't anyone ever just lay off that one bloody fuck up…?"

"If memory serves that fuckup led that dystopia to knowledge to travel the multiverse and attempted to conquer everyone." The elderly man chuckled. "I seem to recall a good number of universes fell before multiple God classes got involved and… corrected, the issue."

"Rumor has it the Legacy's Prophet had a hand in the operations." The sensor shrugged. "Probably the reason why the event was dealt with so quickly. Poor idiots likely fell apart from the inside out without knowing what had happened in the first place… wouldn't be surprised if all their finances disappeared "mysteriously" too."

"Well that explains that moderate sized bounty on your head." The Raver's mood was slightly lightened by the misery of one of his companions. "Takes real skill to mess up so badly that a Family member had to get involved."

"Fuck it. If I'm stuck on this boring planet, I'd rather not be stuck with little boys who won't take a hint." Jumping away from the group, the woman tossed a small metal trinket to each of the three men. "I'm looking for someplace to crash away from you. The markers will let me know where you scrubs are. Try not to use them unless something actually important happens."

"Only if you don't accidentally fuck us over cannon tits." The physically strongest of the group smirked as he caught his beacon just as she disappeared. "On that note, I'm going to take a page from her book and go looking around myself. Since our guide has been exposed as useless, we might as well start exploring for stuff now."

The other two paused for a moment before sighing and shaking their heads at the same time as their second comrade left on his own.

"Might as well." The businessman readjusted his glasses and began to look around bored.

"Make sure to get help if you get into any trouble." The elder warned. "You're not suited for battle."

The look that the younger one conveyed barely indicated his annoyance. "Please don't insult my intelligence and capabilities. I'm still more than enough for the vast bulk of this mundane world."

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Ahh. Another day. Another beer with good friends with the kids out of the house." Chouza grinned as he sat at the bar with Inoichi, Shiba, and Shikaku.

"Out of your house maybe." Inoichi snorted. "Ino still keeps her experiments at home. She's been breeding plants to try and find the most dangerous ones lately. Hell last month I caught her trying to smuggle some class seven banned plants from Kusa. We argued past midnight on that one."

"Well at least you aren't bitching about her and Chouji keeping you up at night anymore." Shikaku yawned. "Guess they finally took the hint after all the times you yelled at them to keep it down."

Shibi's glasses shined in amusement as he watched Inoichi and Chouza blush and grumble while attempting to not recall that their kids were "enjoying the real life in darkness". "Our children are certainly growing up."

"Special jonin at minimum and they're barely sixteen." The Naara shook his head with a dry grin. "All have bounties and reasonably respected members of the village. All already nuts." He took a drink of beer. "I don't know whether to pat myself on the back or cry and wonder where I went wrong."

"Please. We all know you think crying is too much effort." Inoichi snorted before looking at his drink with a new thirst. "Plus if any of us have a reason to bawl their eyes out of frustration because of their kids it's me."

"Come on Inoichi. She's nowhere near as bad as she used to be." Chouza grinned without shame as he watched his friend suddenly finish his bottle in a single go. "Ino's shooting up the ranks in both the medical field and in T/I division. Plus you said it yourself that her sensory abilities are nothing short of outstanding now."

"Chouji's no slouch either." Shikaku smirked. "That kid of yours has made some real interesting tricks over the past few years. They certainly would have helped us out in a few situations during our younger days."

"Look who's talking." The Yamanaka drawled with a slightly red face. "Shikamaru's got the biggest name out of all of our kids. Jonin. Ambassador to Suna. Not to mention those techniques under his belt. Give him a few more years to flesh out and I wouldn't be surprised if he reaches S rank." He paused as another beer was delivered and began to go to town on it. "Well… so long as his girl from Suna and your wife keep the fire under his ass lit at least."

"The Naara curse." Chouza shook his head in amusement as he recalled the temperament that Shikamaru's mother and girlfriend shared. "As certain as death and taxes."

"Oi." The Naara grunted, paused, drank some of his booze, slammed the bottle down and shook his head. "Fuck it. Might as well come clean. Angry sex is amazing."

"I knew it!" Inoichi shouted before turning to Choza. "Didn't I call it years ago when he and Yoshino refused to split up when we were young?"

"The apple does seem to not fall far from the tree in this case." Shibi shook his head in amusement.

"Hmm." The largest one there grinned. "You've been quiet when it comes to Shino Shibi. Come on. Spill it. All our kids have been making our jaws drop for years now. What sort of absurd things has Shino been doing under our noses? All I got from Chouji about him was…"

"Never fight Shino twice." All the members of the Ino-Shika-Cho combo said at the same time.

Shibi smirked under his large collar and allowed himself to drink some of his beer. The fact that all of his son's friends had said the exact same thing only supported his confidence in his son. "You are aware that my clan's insects have short life spans. This enables them to reproduce rather quickly, and thus evolve at exceptional rates. My clan has used this trait to obtain us the upper hand in many battles over the years, cultivating our hives to slowly grow more efficient and adapt to our preferred battle styles. Some of us have mastered chakra absorption. Others can actually develop nests so large that they can encompass entire buildings and villages. I have seen some hives eat through metal, and one hive in particular acted more like a deadly neurotoxin…"

"Hmmm." Shikaku frowned as he closed his eyes and nodded. "I get it now. Scary. Very scary. That's some kid you have there Shibi. I'm guessing what he does isn't something that comes by often."

"Huh?" Chouza blinked in confusion. "You figured it out already?"

The man shrugged. "Probably off on the specifics, but all in all I have the general idea pegged."

"Not often is quite an understatement." Shibi nodded. "There has not been an Aburame with that ability in generations. I have no doubt that he will surpass me in the clan's craft within the decade. All he lacks is growth and experience that only full maturation can provide."

The Jounin Commander of Konoha whistled, clearly impressed. "Not bad. Remind me to test him out later. I would be more impressed, but then most of us are in the same boat. Shikamaru and Chouji really paved the way for our clan techniques lately. Honestly I'm not sure how long I can convince some of my clan members that I'm still stronger in our arts than Shikamaru is."

Inoichi rolled his eyes and snorted. It was well known within their circle that Shikamaru had long outstripped everyone in his clan when it came to their ninjutsu. "Like it or not, we all know who to really thank for our kid's progress."

"Attention!" A female voice outside magnified by a loudspeaker pierced their eardrums as if on cue. "I have an important announcement to make!"

"Honestly, do you think she was listening in on us and waiting for this moment?" Chouza groaned.

"I am currently missing my vagina!" The voice continued without shame or hesitation, causing everyone who wasn't gaping or laughing to blush like crazy. "It seems I have been too cruel to it lately and it's run off somewhere. I need your assistance tracking down the annoying cunt down as soon as possible. I need to pee with EXTREME FEROCITY!"

"I don't know how, but I feel more ashamed than I believe she should feel right now." Inoichi groaned as he slammed his skull down on the table.

"I have set up a map of places my vagina may be hiding!" Shadow continued, clearly showing no remorse for herself or to anyone that was unfortunate enough to be within hearing range. "My pussy enjoys dark damp places, preferably close to where large amounts of human suffering can be found, or hardware stores for some reason for some reason that I still have yet to unravel. Also I have reason to believe that it enjoys haunting Gai Maighto's place at three seventeen in the morning, which likely explains why his lights have been frequently flickering on and off in the middle of the night for the past few months! My apologies! Be very careful though! It's been known to lash out at others, and has a mean streak that has ended the lives of countless electronic devices!"

"Probably because anything with blood running through its veins knows better than to try and get anywhere close to it." Shibi snorted, causing the other men at his table to either gape at him in awe, struggle to hold in their laughter, or both.

"My vagina has many weaknesses! Do not go for the obvious ones! They are traps! I have seen many body parts lost due to these tempting false targets! Its greatest weakness is peanut butter and marshmallows! This is followed by chainsaws, bacon, snowboards, bacon, the sounds of children frantically screaming in fear, and any paraphernalia of Robert Downey Jr, which I will be handing out momentarily! Also more bacon!"

"Just keep on drinking and pretend not to hear her boys." Shikaku sighed as he grabbed his bottle. "And whatever you do, don't hurt yourself trying to process what she is saying or how she will mangle those twisted words."

"Do not try to handle my vagina by yourselves!" The woman was not giving up without a fight. "Greater men than you have tried and failed spectacularly! I will show you the videos later once we have succeeded in this noble quest! They are hilarious!"

"Odds are they really are." Chouza sighed before groaning in frustration. "Ah damn it. I'm trying to imagine what the hell they have recorded now."

"Porn gone horribly, horribly wrong." Shibi summed up their thoughts quite accurately.

"You must be on guard! My vagina can smell fear! More so when it is on the hunt! It thrives on the hunt like a moist pink tiger with a hole in it! A hole of DEATH!"

"That's it." Inoichi grunted as he walked to the bar. "I clearly too sober for this. I'm getting another five beers. If my wife asks I'll just say Oogakari and she'll understand."

"Sad thing is I think all of our wives would accept that as an excuse these days." Shikaku sighed as he followed his friend.

"Why are you complaining?" Chouza grinned. "We have a legit reason to get utterly smashed and get away with it with our wives."

"I will now demonstrate to everyone the proper techniques required should you engage in hand to labia combat against my vagina! On a side note, if you should see it armed with a piece of fruit, run away immediately!"

"Because that's genuinely our excuse." Shibi pointed out factually.

Silence.

"Please note that playing dead will not work on my vagina! It only aggravates it! Few things are more terrifying than my vagina when it is agitated!"

"Touché."

o. o. o.

Back with the plot:

"What is it about my powers that is so important that you needed to speak to me away from everyone else?" Shion asked as she addressed Shino, who was now well enough to travel small distances without issue. Just a short while ago, the Aburame had, in his standard stoic manner, requested to have a private conversation with her.

Taruho had been against it for a good number of reasons, but the other shinobi there had shot him down without hesitation. According to them, if Shino needed to talk to someone about something in private, then it was no doubt important. It was somewhat impressive for the almost constantly bickering teens to instantly switch mindsets at the drop of a hat and become serious like that without any prior notice. It spoke much about how much they trusted one another and how much faith they put into the insect user.

"I have two things I need to speak to you about." The Aburame leaned his elbows on his knees, his sunglasses pointed straight at her. "The first is a request. I wish to see you exert your chakra, the one that the demon is so adamant on destroying."

"My power?" Shion blinked in confusion. "Why do you want me to do that? It's very tiring to bring out enough to accomplish anything significant."

"I do not need you to perform anything grand." Shino shook his head as a small cloud of kikaichu leaked from his thick clothing, causing her to back a step in surprise. "I simply wish to analyze some of your chakra with my insects. My abilities enable me to be more… adaptive to opponents with distinct powers and chakra. I simply wish to increase that advantage by analyzing your chakra to see how it is so strong against the demonic powers we faced earlier and will face later. Do not be afraid. They will not bite or harm you. They survive off of chakra. If you feel more comfortable, I will order them to only land on your clothes should you allow me to sample your power."

The priestess nervously looked at the buzzing cloud. She had never been good with insects, being a priestess and living in a predominantly clean environment. However despite her looks, she was older now. More mature and willing to crush her feelings to clearly see the task ahead of her. A few moments of being uncomfortable was well worth having another advantage over Moryo, even if she was certain that Naruto could handle the situation easily by himself.

"I admit, this is not exactly how I foresaw myself when I was told I needed to defeat Moryo, however the future is rarely what we wish it to be." She sighed before nodding her head and granting Shino to command his insects.

Less than a second later, the small buzzing cloud had flown widely around her before latching onto the jacket on her back, thankfully avoiding her hair in the process.

"Humans and certain other species of animals naturally generate chakra inside their bodies." Shino elaborated. "However with some, when they utilize their chakra, their bodies process it in unique ways and they gain unique traits. You are one such example Shion-sama, and I suspect a rather extreme case at that. Please begin. I will let you know when you can stop. It will not take much."

The noble paused for just a moment in hesitation before closing her eyes to focus. She normally didn't use her powers for more than her sealing and barrier techniques, so she wasn't used to drawing anything less than that from her body. Slowly. Carefully. She began to pull out her power, barely noticing as the insects on her back ate away at what she generated and…

"That is enough. You may stop now."

"Eh?" The prophet's eyes opened in confusion as she heard the buzzing of the insects on her back return to their host. She had barely even begun to produce anything. "That… that was it? I barely made anything."

"My insects are rather small." Shino elaborated as the mini swarm disappeared under his clothes. "They get filled up rather quickly if they are not actively attacking someone and processing the chakra they intake. My apologies if I have misled you in some way Shion-sama."

"I… no, it is me that should apologize." The priestess stumbled on her words. "I had underestimated you Aburame-san. I did not think you, or anyone for that matter, could do so much with so little."

The shinobi's hooded head nodded as he lifted a finger to inspect an insect walking on the tip. "As an insect user, one could say that doing just that should be expected of me."

The albino giggled, growing more comfortable in his presence. "I will keep that in mind. Now then, you said that you had two things you wished to speak to me about. What was the latter of the two?"

Shino let his hand drop and remained quiet for several seconds. "Tell me what you know of our activities during the previous timeline."

The priestess wasn't smiling now and her face became paler than her hair. "Wh-what? I don't understand what you are talking about…"

Shino didn't budge. "You put Naruto in a very rocky position by informing him that you remember the previous timeline. One that he does not need given his current situation. You are the only individual outside of a very select group that is even aware of what has happened. As his friend, I am obligated to help him in any way I can, especially given what is at stake. Since he is currently in no position or condition to question you, I have undertaken this important responsibility. Now again, please tell me what you learned of the Shinobi world's activities before you came back in time. We cannot even begin to trust you with anything until we know what you do. "

The priestess' eyes narrowed while taking another step back. "And how do I know that I can trust you? How do I know that you aren't a spy that will turn on Naruto with this information?"

The teen's eyeglasses reflected off of the evening sun's light, and Shion could have almost sworn she saw him smile in amusement. "… You didn't answer my question and instead questioned my legitimacy despite my approach… you are suspicious of me. Good. Very good. Why? Because you are trying to push yourself into a dangerous world. At the very least you are not doing so blindly. You are sharper than I had initially suspected. Nowhere near strong enough to take care of yourself… but not completely helpless either."

"You still didn't answer my question." Shion glared.

Shino shook his head. "If I was indeed a spy and had come back with Naruto, then I would have killed him when he was still young and not as strong. I had years to do it then too. The way he is now though…" He shivered, recalling just how much chakra his insects claimed was being emitted from his body to support his seventh sense. "No, Naruto is certainly far too strong to believe anyone could kill him easily."

"That doesn't prove anything." The priestess countered. She and her predecessors have spent a LONG time contemplating time paradoxes and the like with their powers and how to tell when someone was trying to use the same excuses against them. "You could have come back at a later point."

The Aburame stared directly into her eyes. "There are two things incorrect with that statement. The first is that I did not come back. I am one of the few in my group that does not have my memories. There are limitations on how many of us can return, and who we are willing to bring back at all. Everything I know is second hand information from those that have returned. I am trusted enough that they allow me this."

"This doesn't help your case."

"And the second reason is that I am very much aware that it is impossible for me to have come back at a later point than Naruto." Shino continued. "I know of the black fire and some of its origins, I know that four years ago was the latest any of us could have returned, and I know why it appeared at all in the first place, as does everyone in our group. Hence, I cannot claim that I was unable to go back far enough to kill Naruto when he was weak as an excuse."

Shion grit her teeth in frustration. The shinobi had made persuasive arguments, however she was still not sold. "Tell me something that would prove that you are on Naruto's side without question. Something that I cannot argue against."

The insect user paused for a moment before sighing deeply. "He has informed me that in the previous timeline, a point that we both are aware that he was exceptionally less intelligent than… well most individuals, he had unknowingly agreed to marry you. All of us are more than aware enough to know that he wasn't thinking back then. And anyone can tell that he does not share the same feelings for you as you still do for him."

The priestess' eyes dilated as Shino spoke the truth, knowing he was correct.

"What you are not aware of is that due to your revelation, he and the rest of us cannot ignore your existence. You know too much and apparently you appear to be more competent and powerful than in the last time line. No doubt due to your additional experience and training. He is genuinely considering having you come to Konoha as a potential wife, which is simply his way of putting you under a more comfortable house arrest and protection."

The Aburame leaned forward, his face donning a frown. "What you also don't know is that he and Hinata, my teammate who I consider a sister in all but blood, are in an extremely strong relationship. They DO love one another. They WOULD die for one another. And their bonds are without a doubt stronger than what you have with him. Because of Naruto's genealogy, he is of high enough birth to have more than one wife, however this will no doubt put a great strain on their relationship should you go through with it. Hinata has loved, and I do mean loved, Naruto for years now, and I highly doubt that she would appreciate the idea of sharing him with someone she has literally just met or even heard of."

The soft sound of insects buzzing actively was heard from the stoic shinobi. "Convince me why on earth I should believe Naruto's insane plan can work without destroying everything around him instead of having you hidden away with your memories erased. I have seen your powers activate once already. Should you attempt to go back and inform yourself of any additional information to cheat your way through this, I will deny you instantly."

Shion stared wide eyed at Shino for a good half a minute… before she began to laugh sadly.

"Haha. I knew it. I should have known he had someone else by now." She shook her head before taking a deep breath to calm herself down. "Please, allow me to elaborate a few things Aburame-san."

She walked over to a nearby tree and leaned against it. "As the priestess of Demon country, I have essentially two obligations. Three if you include maintaining my people's morale and faith. The first obligation is obviously what we are doing now: Preventing Moryo from returning to power. He is a large enough threat that even the major shinobi nations have never attempted to attack our rather small and weak nation during the Shinobi World Wars. So long as we maintained our responsibility, we were essentially left alone."

Shino nodded slowly in understanding, vaguely recalling that Demon country was indeed avoided during wartime when he studied history.

"My second obligation is also rather obvious." The albino continued bitterly. "My power is hereditary, and I am a woman." She shrugged casually as if she had just said two plus two equals four. "I am nearing the age, physically, where I will have to take a suitor and ensure that my line is continued, even if I do not approve of my chosen or do not wish a child at all. I believe one of my ancestors was faced with that hard truth. She preferred the company of women you see and… from my understanding in the end she had to be placed under constant surveillance for a multitude of reasons. Her husband was not a savory individual either from what I was told, although that may simply have been an additional punishment for her going against "tradition"."

"You were matched when the previous timeline ended." Shino quickly put the pieces together.

"Matched yes. But not married and consummated. Thankfully." Shion admitted without shame. "I had met far worse nobility over the years, however there was nothing worth talking about the one that was chosen for me. A boring man who saw me only as an obligation and nothing else. A loveless marriage to a man who I doubt I would have seen more than a few times a year, very likely less than his favored concubines that he had stowed away in one of his villas. Not an uncommon tale among those of noble birth sadly. Though I suspect you already knew that."

The male did. Part of the training regarding high profile individuals and nobles was to be able to resist temptation should the one they were guarding try to hit on them or worse, actually develop genuine romantic feelings for them. There had been many, and that was not an exaggeration, MANY close calls where war had almost broken out because some noble's all but abandoned wife tried to, or actually DID elope with one of their shinobi guards.

Regrettably, but not surprisingly, execution of at least one of the related parties was frequently seen as an answer to these sort of issues. Once they were captured of course. Shinobi were kinda good at hiding after all.

From the shinobi standpoint, the true guilty party in these issues were frequently either the husband of the whimsical wife for being an insensitive ass who ignored his wife in the first place, or the idiots who set up the pairing in the first place for political reasons, even if it was CLEARLY OBVIOUS that the two being married got along like oil and water.

Well, them, or the idiot shinobi that couldn't keep his bloody pants on for the duration of the mission.

It was the main reason why most ninja married for love, or at least after making sure that they genuinely liked, trusted, and tolerated one another after a reasonable amount of time. They were TRAINED KILLERS with abnormal powers. Hidden villages couldn't _afford_ to just have random warriors forced to have babies for the power game. The number of domestic issues would have skyrocketed if that was the case, and mixing in their powers left nobody happy. Their entire system (much less all the villages themselves) would be wrecked within a decade if they allowed something as stupid as that to be the norm.

On the other side of the argument, clans were a bit pickier about the process, but that was to be expected with their guarded secrets that could get them all killed if released to the public and such. Still, it was only the Hyuuga and, until they had been wiped out, the Uchiha and the Senju that were genuinely traditional about the whole process.

"One of the few interesting things about the man who I was to wed, who may I add was nearly twice my age, was that he was fairly high up in the Land of Fire's political ranks." Shion continued after seeing the small indications that Shino was fully aware of what she was talking about. "Among the hand full of times I did speak to him, I did manage to steer our conversations to shinobi and Konoha related topics. The poor man must have had an inferiority complex, as he seemed to not have the slightest inclination of holding back classified information in our one sided conversations."

" _At the very least, she isn't a blindly prideful idiot like most nobles."_ Shino mused, slowly gaining more respect for the girl.

"To answer your first question though Aburame-san, I am completely aware of Naruto's status as a Jinchuriki, just as I am aware of his fight against Akatsuki, and of how dire the situation was prior to the event that landed us in our current situation. And quite frankly I could not care less about them."

"You say that now, but your actions may be different should you encounter the enemy in person." Shino frowned. People, especially prideful ones, tended speak before thinking about major things like this. "You will be a target if you go through with this. Many of these men are capable of destroying entire villages in a single attack, or eroding your mind to nothing with genjutsu."

"I watched my mother sacrifice herself to reseal Moryo in person when I was eight, and lived the rest of my life knowing that it was exceptionally likely that I would suffer the same fate." The priestess retorted without hesitation and stood up tall. "I was willing to sacrifice myself for Naruto, and nearly did in the previous timeline after he saved me from myself, only to have him rescue me again. As far as I'm concerned, I owe him everything. I spent these past four years preparing for our reunion, training my abilities to the fullest so that I would be more than dead weight, I would be an irreplaceable asset that cannot be ignored."

Her smile became more confident. "Tell me Aburame, how well has your knowledge of the future served you recently? Are things still as accurate to the original timeline as they were when this first started? Would it not be a bit more convenient should your friends have a… refreshing glimpse, every now and then?"

She stepped forward, despite seeing the shinobi in front of her frown noticeably. "I was actually there for the chunin exams three years ago, did you know that? I was sitting with the other nobles. You have no idea how many strings and games I had to play to make that happen, given that it is normally unthinkable for my people to imagine me outside of the village around the temple. I saw how much Naruto, Sakura, Lee, and Neji have changed. I saw how the Third Hokage did not die and that Orochimaru did. That was quite a big move you all pulled there. No doubt there would be consequences to your actions… you know, I don't seem to recall your current issues with Iwa the last time around. Or that little event in Iron…"

"You may be better fighters and killers than me, but when it comes to this little time game, I am the one that is looking down on everyone."

Shino gripped his hands into fists as he attempted to control himself. Normally he was used to pompous individuals lording their so called power over him, but in this case the one doing the lording had the powers and the experience to back her words up. Not only that, but she had already pegged out their current issues, caused by their own changes and actions, with natural ease, and a way that they could become HEAVILY dependent on her abilities.

Shinobi as a rule, didn't like to be cornered. They tend to lash out when they are, only with fire, or water, or something else destructive along those lines.

Shinobi as practically a species, DESPISED being cornered by civilians. If it happened, it was if the world was saying to them, "Wow, you must really suck at this."

"And what of Naruto? You claim to love him and owe him everything, but you barely know him." Shino pressed. "He is different from before as you have seen. He and Hinata are also in a strong relationship. Pushing yourself in will not do anyone any favors."

"You make it sound as though I did not expect or plan for such a thing to happen." The noble snorted. "I do not mind being a concubine so long as it is Naruto's. Better be second place for an attentive lover than first prize to a fool that will barely pay attention to you. I have already gathered enough information on him to know that he will not mistreat me. All things considered, I prefer the way he is now compared to how he was. He is far more intelligent than he was before, which will make dealing with what is to come more manageable."

"Trust me, I've heard more stories than you about the very subject. I am more relieved than you are." Shino sighed. Really, beating Kiba in the prelims by farting in his face was just… ugh. He could have gone without that knowledge. "… I am surprised that you are willing to take such a low position though. Hinata, while of significant birth herself, does not come close to your status."

"My _position_ consists of me sitting in uncomfortable clothing for extended periods of time, putting on makeup, and making predictions while looking pretty for overweight middle aged men that make no attempt to hide the fact that they are undressing me with their eyes every other minute. Should I do nothing, then I shall remain in that _position_ for the rest of my life." The girl shook her head. "I am no fool, raised and tricked into existing like a doll. I will be losing power and status by doing this, likely even risking myself in the process, but I will be gaining a life by doing so as well. One that I chose for myself and one that I am certain will be of benefit to the few that I care for and myself. Naruto may never truly love me, but he will never claim that I did not earn my place beside him."

The two glared at one another quietly for minutes, neither allowing themselves to show any signs of what they were thinking underneath. They were both too experienced to let such a thing slip through.

"… You will speak no more of this until you enter Konoha. To anyone." Shino ordered coldly. "Even then, the only person you will even consider bringing this up with is Tsunade-sama herself. She is one of the ones that has received her memories. I will not reveal any of the others. She will have final say in this matter. I will not endorse this reckless scheme of yours, but I see that trying to dissuade you from it now will only cause more issues. If you cause problems, we will _address_ them as we see fit. Do you understand?"

"Of course." The priestess smiled genuinely. "I figured that Tsunade-sama was in the loop anyways. From what I gathered, she was far more difficult to track down and convince to become Hokage the last time compared to this iteration."

Shino's eyebrow twitched in annoyance as he slowly picked himself up and began walking to the camp. By his estimates he would be good to fight in another hour or so. Hopefully by then Hinata would have woken up and Naruto would be safe to move…

The shinobi and the priestess walked to the camp ground to see Hinata beaming happily with a familiar fox's head clearly asleep and poking out from between her breasts.

Shino's eyebrow twitched more. "I should have seen this coming."

Shion managed to maintain her polite demeanor, but it was clear that she wasn't exactly thrilled by the image in front of her, evident by the non-existing lightning bolts that met between her and Hinata's eyes. "Excuse me, but from what I understand, wouldn't having Naruto there distract you from your duty?"

Hinata's smile didn't falter as the lightning between them intensified. "Oh it's no problem at all. You see I just remembered a rather easy and simple trick to keep _my_ Naruto nice and safe while I fight." She jutted out her impressive chest, not at all worried about awaking the fox. "Chakra control."

o. o. o.

Jiraiya looked up to the sky in a random direction.

"Something wonderful just happened."

o. o. o.

"Heheheheheheheh."

Shizune glanced at Tsunade as her boss giggled childishly while reading a medical text and her clones did more paperwork. "Is something the matter? I don't see how research on stage three cancer can possibly amuse you."

"I honestly don't know." The leader of Konoha chuckled as she looked away from the paper with a grin on her face. "I just all of a sudden feel very amused at the moment."

Shizune looked at her boss skeptically. "… Are you certain that it doesn't have anything to do with cancer?"

The Master frowned. "Cancer? Heaven's no that's terrible! What kind of sick person is entertained by that? Are you ok Shizune?"

The brunette opened and closed her mouth several times before shaking her head, began to talk, paused, then smiled innocently. "I believe I may have been working a bit too hard lately Tsunade-sama. Would it be ok if I took the rest of the day off? It's getting late after all."

The Hokage frowned momentarily as she looked outside and saw that it was getting dark. "Huh. You're right. I suppose you do need a break." She stuck her nose in the document again. "You've been working nonstop for a while now. Tell you what. Have the rest of the week off Shizune. Paid. You'll need the rest once Naruto gets back anyway. Well… once he gets back, and recovers from the ass kicking we're going to give him at least… that should keep him down for another week at most, two if we're lucky."

"R-right." The assistant laughed nervously, completely not believing her luck that she just got a well needed break. "I'll come by every now and then to check up on you regardless."

"Do whatever you want Shizune. It's your vacation time, not mine." The world's strongest woman lazily waved as she looked at a new section and began giggling again. "'Bout time…"

Unfortunately, due to her paranoia, Shizune ended up working every day during her vacation out of fear that Tsunade was finally losing it.

The ANBU watching didn't bother pointing out to her the irony of the situation.

There was on the other hand, a good deal of bets made regarding Tsunade's sanity made that week.

Black market gambling waits for no man, woman, or shinobi. Hiruzen knew this all too well as he casually slipped away his ticket…

… He also wondered how he could play the system in his favor this time. He had made a killing off of all the wagers he put on himself after all. Poor novices didn't think he was aware of the pools… shows what they know.

He was the one that organized their setup in the first place back when Hashirama was still in charge.

o. o. o.

He kneeled in front of his master, never once daring to look up. It was not his place to gaze upon someone of such higher standing than him. "We failed my lord. The shinobi protecting the Priestess were far stronger than we had anticipated."

Yomi, looking far more emaciated than before, leered down at his remaining human subject emotionlessly. "How disappointing. I give you and your brothers all that power and yet you were not able to kill one single girl."

The assassin held back a flinch. "I had almost managed to kill her. I disabled one of the shinobi with my poison and made an opening for myself after they were all split up. I was but inches away from gouging out her heart when their trap was sprung. They had slipped on her some sort of powerful creature in the guise of a small fox to protect her. I had barely enough time to react before my arm was torn apart without further warning."

" **A fox… how annoying…"** Moryo's disembodied voice echoed in Yomi's head.

" _Is there something I should be aware of Master?"_ The host asked emotionlessly without any sign of worry, concern, or curiosity.

"… **No. Pay it no mind. It will not hinder our plans."** The demon snorted before remaining silent again. **"The one I am thinking of is too prideful to exist in any other form but his own. It is not him, and he too will be dealt with in due time…"**

Yomi remained quiet for several moments before glaring at the leader of the four brothers. "You have failed your purpose twice already. Your siblings have already paid for their incompetence, however you still have a purpose to fulfil."

Slowly half a dozen serpent like creatures emerged from the ground, hissing and spitting erratically. "You will succeed it, or you will perish this time. There is no third option."

o. o. o.

PLOOOOOOOOOOOT:

"I don't know why, but for some reason these two have been really happy lately… and its scaring the living shit out of me." Chouji whispered to Tenten as their team leader and their charge, both smiling serenely, barely made eye contact and lightning clashed between them for what seemed like the fifth time in ten minutes.

"You're not the only one." The weapon master shivered. "You boys don't understand, but I can tell that these two are at war. Trust me Chouji, you don't want to get involved in this else you'll be instinctively afraid of a lot more than just my explosives."

"I will engrave your warnings into my very soul." The largest person there whimpered as Hinata walked by with an aura that was peaceful and happy… and absolutely terrifying at the exact same time.

"Hey Shino. What gives?!" Tenten hissed to the Aburame, who had only just recently confirmed that he was back in fighting shape. "Why is Shion-sama suddenly gaining her second wind when it comes to pissing off Hinata?"

The addressed paused, shifted his glasses, and emotionlessly looked down on his teammate with a haunted aura.

"Never ask me that question again. I want nothing to do with this."

"That bad?" Tenten winced.

"Do you recall Ino's chunin exam fight against Sakura?"

The Akimichi's and Higurashi's eyes went wide open with fear and terror.

"You're right." Chouji recovered first with emptiness in his voice. "It's safer to stay as far away from this issue as humanely possible."

"This is one of those times where it's safer being blind to the world around us. Thank you Scab-Sensei again for teaching me extreme selective awareness. I now see its worth outside of ignoring the terrible things you and your family puts me through and what half my team does almost religously." Tenten stated in the exact same tone as Chouji's.

"Log save us all." Shino nodded darkly with sage like authority.

"Everyone." Hinata spoke up from their blind spot cheerfully, causing them all to bite back a scream of absolute terror. "Are we all prepared to go? We don't have much time left."

" _How on earth is Naruto sleeping through all of this peacefully?! He's the one that should be shitting himself the most by now!"_ Tenten frantically attempted to lower her heart rate. "Ah! Ahahahaha! Just give us a few more minutes Hinata! Ahaha! We're just doing a few last second battle plans and setting ourselves up! Isn't that right guys?!"

"R-Right!" Chouji stammered. "Shino wanted to just make sure of a few things since Tenten and I had seen how our enemy's powers worked!"

The Aburame nodded while shifting his glasses. "So long as there is only one opponent left and he is utilizing the same source of chakra as the others, I should be sufficient enough to take him down."

"Eh?" Hinata's eyes flashed in recognition and amusement. "You're really excited about fighting this time Shino."

The Aburame pretended to ignore the clearing a small distance away from them where the corpse of the shinobi he killed was already reduced to nothing but mulch and excrement made by his insects. "I don't like being the reason why the mission was held up."

"Ohoho. Scary scary." Tenten smirked, already snapped out of her delirium. "Everyone beware. Shino's mean streak's acting up again."

Chouji crossed his arms and shook his head. "Well so much for expecting to get another fight in today."

Hinata nodded. "It's good that you are so eager. We'll need it since the enemy will be desperate now that we've killed most of their assailants."

"As much as I appreciate you all mentally preparing yourselves, need I remind you that it will all essentially be useless should Moryo actually revive?" Taruho frowned as he finished packing and gathering up the remains of Shion's equipment. "We've wasted enough time as it is."

"Taruho's right." Shino agreed as he began to quickly stretch his limbs. "We have recovered enough as we are going to. Now would…"

"That's not a happy silence is it?" Chouji sighed, knowing full well that Shino never allowed himself to get distracted while talking unless something was up.

"An enemy already?" Taruho swiftly reached for his bow with practiced ease.

"Please come out." Hinata ordered to seemingly the sky as her eyes activated. "We know you are there."

The area was deadly silent for several seconds before an immature groan from a full grown male was heard. "Man. Seriously? Why do I always have the shitty luck?"

Before anyone could react, the speaker's power seemed to jolt for just a moment before it reappeared at the edge of the camp. Just as quickly, the shinobi there all took defensive stances and got in the way between him and Shion. "Who are you?" The leader of the group snapped as she took the newcomer's appearance in.

He was a bizarre foreign looking man, wearing only a very thin looking wife beater on his top and excessively baggy black pants with plenty of pockets and neon blue trimming that appeared to have no padding. His arms were encased in guards that shared a similar appearance to Naruto's talons, only they were all black, had seemingly useless zippers around many parts, and his hands were encompassed in some very large and dangerous looking armored knuckles. He was Caucasian, early twenties, had average looking brown hair and green eyes, extremely muscular…

And was holding up his hands in complete surrender.

"Woah. Calm down. I'm just split from my friends and lost as hell. I don't mean anybody harm." The man tried to placate the group in a nervous but friendly way.

"You seem to be rather oddly dressed for a person this far away from the city and completely lost." Tenten frowned.

"Kid. Trust me, there are some really fucked up drugs out there that can and have taken people many places without them remembering a damn thing twelve hours later." The guy laughed sheepishly. "I tend to party hard."

"And are you claiming to be here because of these drugs?" Shino accused.

"Nope." The guy shrugged. "I'm here 'cause my group wandered around here trying to find some local village, we decided to split up cause the trail died off and gather some info, and then I got hopelessly lost." He shook his head. "Fucking trees all look the same man. I don't know how people can navigate huge ass forests like this."

"You went exploring dressed like that?" Chouji looked at him disbelievingly.

"Hey, better than what your hooded buddy's in." The man brushed off the question and nodded at Shino. "Poor guy must be sweating up a storm under all that shit in this humidity. Why are you even wearing sunglasses when it's this dark out?"

"It's an acquired taste." The Aburame retorted blandly.

"Can you describe your comrades?" Hinata asked before giving a look at Taruho to be quiet. "If they are nearby I may be able to locate them. Otherwise you will be on your own. We are in a bit of a rush."

"S'cool." The guy shrugged, clearly fine with getting any help at all. "One's an old guy with clothes that have the occasional plate of armor. Ones an asshole my age in a suit and glasses. Real neat and tidy looking prick that looks like he's never had a fun day in his life. Brown cut hair. Blue eyes. The works. And the third's a woman. Tan like your girl here, only black hair and wearing a poncho all the time that covers up everything."

"I see…" The Hyuuga's veins on the side of her head thickened as she expanded the range of her sight…

… Further…

… Further…

… At the ten mile range she finally spied a man in an odd suit that many merchants wore to the North west. She began to inspect him to confirm if he was one of the group that she was looking for…

… When the man instantly looked directly AT her and frowned, his eyes piercing hers relentlessly and seemed to take in everything at once, shocking her so badly that she instinctively shut off her dojutsu out of fear.

"… Presence…" She whispered in disbelief, causing everyone that was in the know to instantly be on full alert.

It was fairly reasonable for those who recognized the term to instantly have red lights flashing. From Hinata's side, the fact of the matter was that outside of the Oogakari and those who trained under them, there was not a SINGLE person in the elemental nations that should be aware of how to manifest their power, let alone recognize it for what it was. Hence, anyone that they didn't recognize that did reveal such an ability would instantly be deemed an extreme threat as they would likely come from the same place as the Oogakari did…

So, worst case scenario, this guy was a juggernaut that could potentially wipe his ass with their carcasses before they even knew they were dead.

From the visitor's side, the fact that these "local rednecks" recognized what presence was and was called meant that these brats had some sort of connection to whoever blocked off this universe in the first place. Blocking off entire universes was something only horrifically powerful existences could do, ones that were VASTLY above his, and virtually ninety eight percent of all dimension travelers', pay grade. If left unaddressed, it was extremely likely that the kids would snitch on him the first chance they got.

Which would lead to his group in a situation where the odds of them dying were significantly high.

The man's easygoing face fell into a grimace. "Oh you have got to be shitting me. You kids are the locals in the know from earlier?! Well isn't that just fucking fantastic!"

"Are you serious?!" Tenten hissed to Hinata as a copy of Zangetsu appeared in her hands.

"What?!" Shion began to panic as she looked around confused. "What's going on?!"

"His comrade sensed me as soon as I saw him and used some sort of ability to… see everything about me in an instant." Hinata shivered as she recalled the sensation. It was the height of abnormal, as if her very existence had been reduced to simple numbers and words before being examined at once. Never had she ever heard of such a frightening power before. It honestly made her believe that her own dojutsu was nothing more than a joke in comparison.

"Son of a… ugh!" The man yelled in frustration before shaking his head and sighing. "Damn it. It's really not my style. Sorry kids, but I don't want to be caught by whoever's claimed this place already."

One moment they were all standing in place glaring at one another…

The next, Shion was barely able to breathe as Chouji flew backwards just barely missing her, and crashed through a tree. Multiple trees if what they were hearing was right.

Neither of the parties had moved from their spots. The only thing the enemy had done was throw a simple punch in front of him.

Tenten didn't bother looking back at her friend as she slashed her blade out to create a massive arc of chakra, however that didn't work as the man simply kicked his right leg up and somehow _deflected_ the attack to the sky.

"… Why does that sword look familiar?" The man muttered under his breath in confusion, seemingly ignoring Hinata rapidly approaching him until he just barely evaded a strike to his head and countered near simultaneously with a low fist to her abdomen which despite the angle held enough power behind it to cause everyone to feel when it connected…

… Or he would have if she was not already flaring a good deal of her own presence and blocked his blow with a good deal of chakra.

Unlike when she was inside Naruto, her aura was not soft and kind, but ominous and old… no, _ancient_. The silver lavender light that seemed to come off of her seemed to state that she was not something that could be dealt by simple means, and that she would continue to forever shine upon him until he was no more.

"Tch… not bad." The man grimaced, his tempo not faltering from the unexpected defense as he went on to defend and counter Hinata's attacks, using his free hand to knock away her lightning fast jabbing fingers to his heart. His blocked fist made a repeated attempt to hammer her abdomen with crushing force despite the impossible angle at which he was hitting at, however while Hinata's makeshift chakra shield managed to hold against the blow, she allowed herself to be thrown back by the force of the attack just as a massive wave of insects collapsed on top of him from behind.

"The fuck?" The man muttered, more confused and bewildered than actually scared as his body disappeared underneath the black wave…

… Which lasted roughly three seconds before a small but highly pressurized wave of power launched the flood back as though it was nothing but gas.

"Owowowowowow." The raver grimaced as he started scratching at his body. _"Why bugs?! I fucking hate bug bites!"_

Twang.

While the man was seemingly distracted by the attack, Tenten had taken the opportunity to try and snipe him from a distance with an arrow.

Fffp.

Much to her displeasure though, her target wasn't as out of it as they had thought as he caught the thing without even looking between two fingers.

Oh wait. She probably wasn't displeased if the savage grin on her face was any indication.

"An arrow?"

The man grimaced, too busy looking at the projectile and scratching himself while keeping an eye out for the other kids to see or really care about the seals she was making with her hands… that was until the arrow suddenly spawned dozens of copies of itself around him in midair.

" _Copies? Isn't it a bit late for… oh shit a hissing sound."_

His musing was interrupted as the copies began to unravel themselves, revealing that they had not been wooden shafts, but very tightly rolled up parchments of paper with odd drawings on the inside that looked similar to…

" _Seals?!"_

It was impossible to escape at this point as the spread out paper was literally everywhere now, preventing him from even seeing a single tree around him.

BOOOOOOMMM!

Shion screamed as the shockwave blew her and Taruho back a good distance, incapable of standing their ground so close to such a massive explosion. She wasn't injured though, as Shino caught her in midflight and landed standing on a tree.

"It's too dangerous to be here." The Aburame grimaced as he looked at the crater where he could simply feel that their opponent was more than capable of still battling. "Stay back and hide. We'll find you."

The sound of someone coughing from the middle of the dust the explosion kicked up caught everyone's attention.

"Hurry!"

"*Chough* Fucking *Cough* Ninjas." The man hacked his lungs out, his arms crossed in front of his head to protect it from the worst of the damage. Save for a few minor scratches, burns, and some swelling from where Shino's insects had bitten him he didn't seem to be any worse for the wear. "Do they *cough* have to be so damn sneaky when they blow stuff up? Honestly *cough*, who ever heard of paper that explodes?"

The man looked around annoyed as he finally let his arms down. "Tch. First thing's first though…"

Simply reaching out with one of his hands, the man flexed his fingers as if gripping the air around him… and then flung it back, somehow throwing all the upturned dust away from him as if he had moved it all like tossing a ball and clearing up the battlefield in an instant.

"Gotta give these guys less places to hide. Dealing with them in a forest is going to be enough of a pain as it is." He paused. "Hold on, how the hell could that big one be a ninja? Nothing about him is stealthy or subtle in the-?!"

WHAM!

"I guess my tricks make up for that." The exceptionally angry Akimichi growled with one his overly muscular legs being held back by his target's arms, hammering him with enough force to push him back a good three feet before traction kicked in again.

" _Fast… I thought I knocked him out earlier…"_ The traveler grimaced as he pushed back against the leg that was nearly the size of his torso. _"Muscle mass adjustment? This must be that earth element that specs mentioned earlier. Being able to allocate that much of his body strength and mass to just his legs without suffering any consequences is no joke…"_ He paused as he noticed that the skin on the limb hitting him was near pitch black. _"… Damn. He's using additional physical boosting powers as well? Most would end up blowing up their limbs before being able to pull something like that off…"_

His thoughts were interrupted as the image of Chouji was blurred with the monstrous black silhouette behind him that screamed of primal power and authority.

" _Presence too?!"_ His eyes widened in surprise as the weight of the leg on him seemingly tripled and launched him through at least a dozen full grown trees before finally colliding with a tremendous boulder and stopping halfway through.

"That was for earlier." The Akimichi growled as his body returned to normal slowly and rubbed his chest. Despite how quickly he recovered and moved, he wouldn't be surprised if one of his ribs was at least broken from the opening blow.

"Something's off…" Shino frowned. "If he originates from where the Oogakari came from, he should be stronger than this…"

"He's not using his presence." Tenten pointed out. "But if he's so adamant about killing us, why isn't he using it?"

Hinata remained quiet before her eyes widened in realization. "He doesn't want to be found out…"

"He's afraid that he might be sensed if he uses it." Shino nodded in understanding. "Everyone's presence is unique. An outlier in the elemental nations would indeed raise suspicions."

"Can the Oogakari even sense that far?" Chouji skeptically asked. As Ino's boyfriend and teammate, he had some knowledge about how sensory techniques worked, and he wasn't aware of anything that was casually on hand that would be able to sense them from way back in Konoha.

"After some of the shit Scab-Sensei's shown to me, I wouldn't doubt he has something hidden in the house." Tenten snorted, her eyes never leaving where their target was launched. "Problem is that I don't think the fight is on our side. He took nearly a hundred paper bombs to the face and was barely scratched. We might need to use something more severe…"

More than one of them grimaced. They all had powerful techniques, but for Tenten to say "severe" only meant that they would bust out the moves they really didn't like to use… moves they had been saving for Akatsuki.

"Owowowowow…" The man grimaced as he pulled himself from the boulder he had crashed into. "Minor concern my ass Specs. That kid was synergizing multiple physical enhancement processes. Whoever taught him knew what the hell they were doing too… kid kicks like a mule."

The tan girl with the white hair was without a doubt the blacksmith he was warned about earlier. Despite the sword she pulled out of nowhere earlier, it was blatantly clear she preferred ranged combat… and explosives. Probably best to get rid of her before she meets Carmen.

The shut-in looking kid probably suck those bugs on him earlier so he was ranged too. Damn bites already felt as if they were going to itch for weeks.

That cute white eyed girl with the fox between her tits was the one that actually concerned him the most. That brief moment where she used her Presence sent shivers down his spine. None of the kids had done anything to show that they knew more than the basic applications of Presence, but the girl's potent nature put her on a level above the others. Anyone could have an aura, but not many held natures that could be considered... old, basic… something notably specific and beyond the standard everyday elements.

He could tell that she could grow up to be damn strong if trained right. The fact that she managed to block not one but two of his blows, granted he wasn't using full strength, with just her energy at her level was proof enough of that.

Mix that in with the fact that she was obviously a sensor, an energy manipulator, and her close ranged attacks no doubt involved some form of power manipulation and it was fairly obvious that she was the most dangerous of the group and likely the leader…

He had his first target.

Problem was, he was fighting ninja, and thems be tricky bastards.

Case and point, he couldn't see or sense them from where he was.

"Man, this would be so much easier if I could use my presence." He shook his head to get the rest of the dust and pebbles out of his hair. Despite his casual demeanor, all his senses were wide open for a potential ambush. Three out of the four he was fighting have already proven themselves to strike at him from out of nowhere at a moment's notice, and he highly doubted that any of them had shown off everything they had. Still, from what he had seen they didn't seem to possess any artillery grade ranged attacks, he was assaulted by bugs and exploding arrows for crying out loud…

… Meaning that they would be hard pressed to counter this.

"Sorry kids." He sighed as he held out an open hand that was beginning to glow. "But it's time to show you how the big boys play."

A tremendous beam of raw power shot from his hand and devastated the area he had just come from. The trees that had been felled with his body earlier had been instantly reduced to char as the attack blasted past them relentlessly, taking down several more trees nearby in the process, before striking the earth where the battle had originally started and exploded with the intensity that one would expect from this kind of move.

"Right." He looked around casually as he put down his hand, not at all bothered or distracted by the destruction he had just caused. "Now if these kids had any combat experience, they wouldn't be there anymore, which should mean that they should be trying to sneak up on me right aboooooout…"

He leaned to the side to avoid a large spiraling ball of energy from impacting his head from behind and tear out a piece of a nearby tree.

"Huh. Never saw shoot blasts like that before." The man muttered before hopping from his location to avoid being pelted by the dozens of similar attacks coming from above. "Energy attacks that grind apart their targets with constant irregular streams rather than simply exploding. Interesting. Tricky, but interesting…"

He paused.

There was a new presence nearby. This one was different. It had no definite form, but it was without a doubt there, like how a person knew that the air was there despite never seeing it. The sensation was constantly changing… no, it nature was to change, to adapt, to thrive…

"Aw hell. A conceptual presence? Why couldn't this be straight forward?"

He jumped to the side as several kunai were thrown in his direction. Normally he would just weave between them, but given what that blacksmith girl did with the arrow he wasn't going to take a chance…

Fwoosh.

He ducked just as the big one's colossal leg passed where his head had been just moments before. He could feel the power the boy put into his limbs as he felt the wind kicked up blow his hair. Again he marveled at the kid's control and ability to not reduce his limbs into chopped meat with whatever technique he was using.

"I have to admit, you move a lot faster than I thought you could." He grinned as he hopped back just enough to avoid the follow through. Despite the fact that this big one could actually deal some heavy damage if he wasn't careful, he decided to keep this one around. Close range fighting one of their group meant that their ranged users wouldn't, hopefully, attack due to the risk of hitting their own…

He heard the sound of someone land behind him. Odds were likely that it was the white eyed girl.

"Might as well start here." He muttered as he struck out with his fist at the next oncoming kick, nailing the boy's shin. The collision of the two forces caused the ground the shatter beneath them…

The boy realized his mistake too late. His kicks were powerful, but he had not anticipated his opponent to be able to strike out with as much force with just one arm. He was completely open.

The man's second punch that came in a fraction of a second later nailed the Akimichi in the stomach hard enough to feel a good number of things crack under his fist, launching him back at speeds that most would have trouble following.

He spun around, ready to take on his next target when all the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Death. Something there could… no, _was_ going to kill him unless he moved _now_ …

"Gae…"

He moved. He didn't see that it was actually the white haired girl attacking him instead of the other one. Instead he focused on the blood red spear she was wielding that was the source of the malevolent feeling he was experiencing. It was no doubt a demonic weapon. Cursed beyond high holy hell, and very likely to have some sort of ability that he would not be able to handle directly with his current restrictions.

Just by looking at the thing he could tell that it would go for his heart. Hell it almost felt like it had already pierced it.

Time slowed down as he backed away. At this rate he could tell that he wasn't going to make it out of the thing's range before the girl set it off, being off balance from when he turned to her direction in the first place. He wasn't close enough to counterattack or even sure that a counter would be able to stop it.

As fast as he could, he jabbed out his right fist just a moment before the girl acted, the amount of air pressure he obtained from the action was more than enough to launch him back with just enough speed…

"BOLG!" She thrust out the spear in his direction. It wasn't particularly fast, and he could tell that it would have hit his stomach had he been in its range-

Blood flew from his chest as the man as the spear found itself at its target before he saw it move.

… But it only made it halfway into his chest, barely scraping his heart with its cursed nature.

"A conceptual weapon?!" He hissed as his hand went to his chest before he even landed. He had seen the spear hit his heart before he saw it… correct? Readjust itself? Hell for all he knew this thing had momentarily rewritten the laws of time and space to pull what it did off.

He also recognized the name she had screamed out. It was the title of a fairly popular and frequently appearing legendary spear in the multiverse. The spear of Cu something or another… meaning it was very likely that she didn't make it, but actually copied the thing.

A blacksmith that copies other weapons and uses their powers…

"Hah. Hah. Shit. That's one nasty trinket you have there." He grimaced as he quickly checked his wound. It hurt like fuck and he could feel a curse doing… something to the bleeding slit, but he couldn't tell what. "That dumbass. He said you were a blacksmith… how the hell could he miss a genuine Faker?"

The girl's dilating eyes told him everything he needed to know.

Unfortunately for him, he should have kept moving instead of declaring his revelation.

Because he had been distracted with his fresh and borderline lethal wound, he had missed the ground beneath him shift just a tiny moment before what seemed like a storm of buzzing black clouds shot up from below, blinding his eyes and ears to the world before virtually every inch of his skin was clawed onto and bitten in some way, his loose pants doing nearly nothing to prevent them from going up his legs.

"Again?!" He hissed in annoyance as he quickly gathered his power. "Why don't you brats get that this shit doesn't work on me?!"

The more severe pulse not only pulverized the insects, but launched any form of loose debris around him away at bullet like speed. Tenten, being as close as she was, had no other option but to be thrown away like a rag doll by the overwhelming force…

… However there was no need to be upset. She had played her role perfectly.

Among the many diverse insect species out there in the wide world, there were a few genes of ants and termites that had seemed to have naturally evolved to possess a very interesting physical trait. These species had actually managed to develop the ability to enact their own form of suicide chemical bombing via carrying biological damaging secretions in a large section of their body. Whenever an enemy insect or predator got too close, boom.

Naturally, the Aburame had more than a few samples of these genes in their compound, however they were considered too costly for general use. Why sacrifice a good portion of your hive to take out a single target when leeching off of their chakra with fewer casualties worked just as well?

Shino on the other hand, knew potential when he saw it, and his rather unique abilities and adjustments to his clan techniques exemplified this greatly.

So while Tenten's borderline instant kill technique had been foiled, it had on the other hand lured their target to where he had been preparing his trap.

Dozens, more likely hundreds, of genetically altered Kikaichu ruptured all over the man's body, including under his pants and clothes and unleashed their fast acting toxic payload directly onto his skin.

The results were instantaneous.

While the toxin wasn't lethal unless practically jammed down his throat, it was without a doubt effective as his flesh instantly began to fester and boil as it reacted to the compounds they were exposed to.

Hidden in the trees nearby, Shino smirked, his glasses reflecting the dimming light in the sky. "Whoever said this was the same?"

"Ahhh!? Ah! Son of a! Grrg!" The visitor hissed in pain as the first lances of fire like agony lanced up a good portion of his nerves. He instantly could tell that he had somehow fucked up big time, but honestly couldn't really care much about the specifics as he was too distracted by the feeling of being burned almost everywhere.

That feeling has a tendency to do that.

"Fucking NINJAS!" He swore as he without any hesitation ripped off his pants (for those who are curious, he wore boxers), and instantly determined what was causing him so much agony. He could literally see his skin warping and contorting into a fluid like state, complete with boils and the like, each one throbbing with intense severity.

He didn't even bother to notice that Hinata was rapidly closing the gap between them from behind with both her hands glowing with so much chakra that they appeared to be the heads of lions.

With their target injured and crippled, they had a far better shot of taking him down now. They had all noticed that the vast majority of his maneuvers involved his hands in one way or another, so engaging him in close combat was more or less a bad idea until they could lower the playing field.

Unfortunately, engaging him in ranged combat only was also a bad idea considering he was capable of nuking entire sections of the forest single handedly. Given that Shion was nearly blasted by that last attack, it was obviously in their best intentions to prevent him from giving a repeat performance.

Ten meters.

He didn't notice her yet. She was pouring her chakra into her legs, but she didn't dare use her Presence and give away her location. True she would be significantly faster if she did, but this opponent was far more powerful than her. She needed a quick decisive blow.

Five meters.

All of their ranged attacks were powerful, but they couldn't do lethal damage to an enemy of this caliber fast enough. While Chouji was just a hair faster than her without using presence, her attacks were far more lethal should they connect, especially against an enemy with as much physical endurance as this one. This was why the Akimichi served the role of the initial distraction to allow Tenten to get into position.

Two meters.

She was in striking distance. Her eyes were active. Her arms were thrusting forward to the man's lungs and heart, making sure that the damage she would deal would also incorporate multiple other lethal targets.

"God damn it!"

She barely had time to register the sudden spike in power before she slammed into a wall of pure energy launched back violently along with virtually everything else nearby. Her mind temporarily blanked out from the pain of being suddenly exposed to so much chakra with her eyes on as she flew through the air in the opposite direction as fast as she had been travelling just moments earlier before she slammed into a tree.

"Guh!?" She spat out blood. The shock of the impact had been enough to rupture some of the blood vessels in her lungs despite the fact that she had been running chakra through her entire body.

Grimacing, she looked up and saw something that honestly gave her shivers.

Having not moved from his initial spot, the man was positively glowing with power, enveloped in an aura easily visible to the naked eye. Given that the only individuals that she knew of that could pull off such a feat were either jinchuriki or people with enough chakra to rival the Biju, she was fairly certain that the odds of their victory had taken a tremendous nosedive…

" _ **Human."**_ A savage voice rumbled through her skull. _**"Do not tell me that you are having this much trouble with that pretender Moryo. As weak as you lot are, I do have some expectations…"**_

" _K-Kyubi-sama?"_ Hinata couldn't hide her surprise as she looked down at the still sleeping fox between her breasts. _"How…?"_

" _ **Humph. The fool is unknowingly using you, and as such your chakra, as a stabilizing crutch while he rests. Even you should be able to feel his power meshing with yours. Speaking to you in this state is child's play."**_

Hinata attempted to stand, but ended up collapsing and coughing out more blood to clear out her lungs. Apparently she had taken more damage than she had originally though. Unfortunately due to the noise she had made, she had gained the attention of the one who had harmed her. _"There's a problem. We are fighting an unknown Presence user and it is likely that his friends are coming as we speak. Even without using all of his power we are barely putting up a fight against him. He's trying to kill us so that we don't tell anyone about his group."_

The man turned to her direction, his face full of irritation and frustration.

"… _**An outsider managed to slip in after all… huh?"**_ The fox's tone was unreadable.

The man raised his right arm and pointed his palm at her, already glowing brighter than the rest of his body.

"HINATA!" The voices of her friends shouted from multiple locations in a clear panic.

" _Shi-!"_

BOOOOOOM!

The world went white as a tremendous beam of power that dwarfed the one made earlier was fired at the downed Hyuuga. None of the girl's senses functioned as they were all overwhelmed by the conflux that came her way.

For a good while she had even expected to be dead, as nothing came to mind on hand that would be able to protect her from such an attack. However, slowly but surely her senses cleared up and enabled her to take in the world once again.

The area in front of her was completely ravaged. Not a single tree or stone was left unturned or thrashed in the warped crater that she sat at the edge of. Had she not been so stunned, she may have been concerned about the welfare of her friends and if they were unfortunately caught up in the chaos.

The reason why the crater was of a peculiar shape was due to her attacker. Where most explosions would have been a single hole in the ground, or resulted in a trough if the technique was linear, the damage in front of her split to either side of the man who had once more crossed his arms in front of him, a position used to protect himself.

The reason why he was defending himself was sitting in front of her like a red dog twice the size of Kuromaru, with three tails swaying behind him, only barely betraying its owner's anxiousness. Hinata barely had any time to notice that despite the existence of the creature in front of her, Naruto was still in her care.

" **I suppose it has been some time since I stretched my tails without any unwanted interference…"** The nine tailed fox mused casually as its eyes met those of his new opponent… no, his new toy.

The world turned heavy.

Suddenly everyone there was not looking at a peculiar looking three tailed fox. Instead, everyone there was looking up at the image of the great Kyubi no Kitsune in his full glory.

It was almost like a bad joke.

The Fox's Presence… was himself.

o. o. o.

Takigakure:

The village was in an uproar.

It had started off as a fairly normal day. The markets bustled with activity fueled by the merchants that were allowed into their home. The light from the sun shone into the protected village from above and reflected off of the ever present water drops caused by the humidity to give it an otherworldly image. The sacred tree, which many claimed to be something even Hashirama Senju himself respected, towered over the bulk of their home like a silent guardian…

The village had been doing well the past few years. After they assisted Konoha in the failed invasion, they had received a great influx of missions from the local area. True they had indirectly lost custody of their jinchuriki in the process, however it had been over a decade since anyone bothered to wage a significant attack on their fortress like home, and the girl seemed to be generating more revenue for them in Konoha than she ever did here.

Not many in the village thought much about Fuu. So long as she did her job, stayed away from them, and didn't embarrass the village she could stay in Konoha for all they cared.

All things considered, the feelings were mutual from Fuu's side as well.

Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation… er… wrong story.

All things considered, there was little anyone could have done to notice, prepare, or prevent what happened that evening.

Forty individuals gathered together in the town hall as they did every month. They were the village's elders and leaders. Each responsible for an important facet of where they lived. Be it related to shinobi training, shinobi management, shinobi inventory stockpiles, food management, civilian peace keeping, financial management, diplomatic relations, territory security, etc, etc.

Due to being a smaller village with a significant military, every faction depended on one another heavily in some manner. While in practice this allowed the village to perform more efficiently than most other villages, Major ones included, it also unfortunately paved the way for a rather high level of corruption. Favors were interchanged daily, and positions were so influenced by one another that it wasn't surprising that the majority of those that held them held less than pleasant personalities.

Granted due to the village not being a significant force, everyone made an effort to put at least someone competent into each position, but it still didn't change the fact that four out of every five individuals with power here were assholes that spent more time looking after themselves than doing their jobs.

The meeting began at two, and would extend for an undetermined amount of time. Sometimes they were rather short, others had extended well into the night. Only a handful of individuals had permission to enter the conference room once the meeting had started so that they were not interrupted save for the direst of circumstances.

It was around seven that one of these said individuals, the head secretary of the building, entered the room to see if those inside were planning on ordering anything for dinner.

She instead opened the door to find nothing short of a massacre.

Every individual that had entered the room that day, be it shinobi or civilian had been utterly torn apart like some sort of ragdoll in the jaws of an animal. Limbs, organs, and other mangled body parts were tossed left and right without any sense of care or organization, causing the blood that pooled from them to virtually cake the entire wooden floor. Later it would be discovered that not all of their body parts were even left in the room.

As if to add insult to injury, there had not been a single sign that there had been a fight or a struggle. It was almost as if all the victims had simply allowed their aggressor to do whatever he wished to their bodies.

Needless to say. She screamed very loudly. You know, trademark horror movie style.

So, given that shinobi are natural gossips and it was a physically small village, word got around fast. Due to the secluded and overly suspicious nature of the village in general there was little worry that word would get out into the world any time soon, however the issue was none the less there.

As it now stood, Takigakure was in deep shit with its core individuals that kept things together and knew of the village's top secrets were wiped out. It would take years for any set of replacements to get used to working anywhere near as efficiently as their predecessors. And as a result, the village would no doubt suffer.

What was kept a secret from all but those that took charge of the village once martial law was understandably put in place was the message written in blood on the ceiling of the room.

" _Your village will fall. We are coming."_

Between the message and the gruesome murders that happened in the middle of the village's most secure area, there was little doubt that many of those that had taken control of the village were unnerved. They had been hit where it hurt. They were clearly being threatened by an unknown force that knew their defenses, how to get into the village, and was at the very least powerful and connected enough to pull off killing forty people in a secure location without anyone knowing the better for hours.

So they panicked.

Just as planned.

o. o. o.

Omake:

A professional pervert's guide to Harems: Part 1: It's not sexist if it's true… you sexist pig.

Ghost walks into the conveniently located classroom stands in front of a podium with a remote control and several binders. In front of him, the entire cast of YAWALEH and TTRT are sitting with pens and papers ready.

"Wait." Kiba looked around curiously. "How the hell did we get here?"

WHAM! A piece of chalk exploded off of his forehead.

"Raise your hands if you have any questions." The "teacher" stated professionally, as if he didn't just give the Inuzuka a concussion. "Students, my name is Ghost Oogakari and I will be teaching you about the intricacies and mechanics of Harems. Assisting me are Anko Mitarashi and Hana Inuzuka."

"If you ask us to give you any live demonstrations, we are obligated to harm you most grievously Ghost." Hana deadpanned.

"Noted." The immortal yawned blandly before shuffling his notes… which were in reality just blank pieces of paper there to make him seem prepared. "Now then, while questions are good, I will not be taking any comments on the subject that go against what I say in class."

He turned to the screen, looking directly at the reader. _"That includes those from people who live in societies that have a divorce rate hovering around fifty percent."_

"Who is he talking to?" Omoi whispered to Karui.

"Fuck should I know?"

"Now then, to all of you, what defines a harem?" Ghost addressed his class.

Sakura raised her hand. "A harem is a marriage that incorporates more than just one individual of both sexes. Most frequently it consists of one male and multiple females."

Ghost nodded. "That is only partially correct." He clicked on his remote to turn on his projector, revealing a slew of pictures showing a multitude of "harems", only several consisted of only one female and multiple males, groups of only one gender, and groups of both genders. "Harems have multiple requirements before they qualify as a "harem" and not simply an "orgy with a hive mind". It is easy to recognize harems with one member of one gender and multiple of the other simply because they are both the most frequent and the most likely to not fall apart. For groups of the latter variety, which we will go into detail later in the "power really is an extremely important factor, you blind socialist idiot" section, it is critical to recognize that there are "alpha" members for the rest to gravitate towards. So, can someone please tell me what form of harem tends to form, and work the easiest and why?"

Tsunade yawned as she raised her hand. "One male and multiple females obviously. As for why? It's obviously because men can't have babies."

"A perfect, if not short answer." Ghost nodded as the projector revealed a picture of a baby. "Humans, like it or not, are still flesh and blood animals. We just happen to think and screw things up more. The desire to procreate is hardwired into us, and as such we wish for our spawn to, if not be plentiful, be strong to take on the world. To increase those odds, you want at least one strong parental figure's DNA in the mix."

The projector changed to reveal a one man multiple women harem.

"For the stereotypical harem, there is little issue with this fact. The male, frequently strong or powerful in some way, screws the brains out of his lovely ladies, they get preggers, out comes the baby, and everyone starts arguing about how the hell to take care of the little hellspawn."

"How elegantly put." Mei Terumi deadpanned, speaking the minds of virtually everyone there.

The projector then briefly changed to an image of Ino when she went absolutely insane during the chunin exams before revealing a one girl multiple guy harem.

Very few missed the connection.

"Oh come on!"

WHAM!

The Yamanaka joined Kiba in the land of delirium thanks to hyperspeed chalk airlines. First class.

"RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY DAMN IT!"

"You totally set that up." Hana leered at her boyfriend.

"Hey after all the shit her acting out caused us back then, I'm more surprised that it took this long for him to get back at her." Anko shrugged, not at all bothered by her apprentices' treatment.

"Now with the inverted situation, issues obviously occur. Because there is only ONE female there, that means only one baby is born each time, meaning only ONE of the men will have a child at any given time. However that also means that for a good six to seven months for EACH husband, unless said husband doesn't want a kid in the first place, no sex… for ANYONE." There was a brief pause. "… Well, that is unless of course the husbands were cheating, or they were bisexual, or the wife is fine with the husbands having a little fun on the side and won't hold it against them, or anything along those lines, but yeah you get the idea."

Those that didn't piece together this bit of information shivered a bit. For the women, it was the idea of having to pump out at least one kid for each guy they thought of possibly adding to their fantasy harem. For the guys, the idea of being faithful but having long periods of no sex was indeed a haunting image to employ.

"So, needless to say that these harems don't have a high frequency of success." The immortal shrugged. "That isn't to say that they CAN'T work. Any and every form of harem we will discuss about in class can and have existed. The purpose of the class is to show to you why and how they managed exist, in addition to the problems they must overcome to do so. For example…" The projector revealed harems of only one gender.

"Single gender harems overcome the baby issue via multiple means. Either they don't have kids period, or they approach things in a different way. Adoption. Trusted volunteers of the required sex. Orochimaru level genetic experimentation. Etc. Etc."

"What about harems with multiple individuals of both sexes?" Tenten raised her hand.

"Again. It depends on how many members of both sexes there are, and who is at the head of a harem."

"Does there really need to be a head of the harem?" Shikamaru sighed with his hand barely raised before pausing at the look Temari was giving him. "What? I'm just asking."

"Yes. However that does not mean that the "head" of the harem can be only one person." Ghost elaborated. "There in fact can be a couple, or more, that act as the leaders for the others, however a good deal of complications can arise if there is more than a core couple in the case of severe conflicting interests, so it very rarely happens. In rare cases though, it may be that the "mind" of the harem is actually the harem itself, and the "core" may be an individual that they all have something invested in enough of in order for the harem to form in the first place.

"How would these silly things form anyways?" Ayame frowned, not knowing why she was even here. "How could anyone accept being in such a situation? Shouldn't people just marry for love and then be happy with that?"

"Love is indeed a big factor." Ghost nodded. "However if you marry just for love… I pity your silly and simple mind, body, and soul before placing bets on how long your matchup will last."

As expected, many of the romantics in the room did not appreciate this comment.

"Hana. Anko." The immortal turned to his own mini harem. "Please describe me to the class."

"Perverted."

"Handsy."

"Jackass."

"Immature."

"Insane."

"Destitute."

"Shameless."

"… No really. Tell them how you feel." Ghost's dry tone didn't match the fact that he was crying against the wall at the moment. His two lovers didn't skip a beat with their execution of his dignity.

Tsume, obviously, enjoyed it greatly.

The two females looked at one another with amusement before relenting.

"Loyal."

"Vicious."

"Cunning."

"Skilled."

"Powerful."

"Deep."

"Dependable."

"Honest."

"And a great fuck." The pair finished off with satisfied smirks on their faces.

"Damn right I am." The immortal was back at the podium as if he wasn't wallowing in sorrow just moments earlier. "Now this really goes for normal marriages, but when you get hitched, you have to take into account your partner's flaws, because you will be stuck with them too when you are together. It's amazing how many people forget that no one is perfect. Don't ignore it when you are blinded by love, because that is what fucks most people over. Instead you need to plan to address or work around it with said partner before you make that last leap.

"In the situation between Anko, Hana, and I, we have already discussed this in great length, but only after spending a long enough time with one another to determine that it is possible and it can work between us. Love was a factor, but we took into account all of our strengths and weaknesses when making a big decision like this. We all have faults in one way or another, and likewise we have managed to reason out and adapt to most of them, while understanding that we will tolerate the rest. Just like in a normal marriage."

"Except for the fact that you never do anything normally." Anko snarked. "That includes marriage."

"You don't sound disappointed." The accused shot back, not denying her statement at all.

"I'm not. Just making an observation."

"Ok. Just checking."

"And now you see one of the things that I have to make up for." Hana wept, clearly lamenting the fact that she was the most stable out of her romantic pile of C4.

Ghost cleared his throat. "The thing with true committed harems is simply this: the more people you have, the more problems there are in the concoction. This is one, but not the only, reason why most harems are increasingly more difficult to maintain the larger they get. Granted the issue becomes less pronounced in power dominated one sided harems where the head pretty much rules over everyone else with an iron fist, but that is also a subject we will discuss on a later date.

"Other major factors include, but are not limited to: Financial situation, Surrounding Society, Family History, Individual History, Medical History, Asset Management, Personal Boundaries, Personal Standards, Living Standards, and of course, Miscellaneous."

Bring.

"Time's up." Ghost nodded at the bell before teleporting behind Anko and Hana with his arms around their waists. "Now if you will excuse us, I have a mighty need to have rampant sex with these two as I have STILL have yet to meet up with them in the actual story. MY LIBITO WILL NOT BE DENIED!"

Everyone stared at the spot the three disappeared for several seconds before Kushina stood up. "Anybody else hungry?"

"Can dead people even get hungry?"

"I don't know. Can you get full eating my fist?"

"… So who's up for lunch?"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Being sick sucks.

Sorry for this taking longer than normal, but I kinda lost motivation to write for a while after the comp ate up nearly everything I had done earlier when I first started this chapter again.

As for the Naruto Manga, I am calling shenanigans with Hinata's byakugan at some point, and that the byakugan got passed down through the sage's brother mentioned in the story.

So, I've gotten this out of my system. Gonna work on FFD next since I stopped at a major point. Really gotta stop doing that.

Lots of mixed reactions on the last chapter with Shion and people complaining about Naruto's Harem.

Well guess what? I warned you at the BEGINNING OF YAWALEH THAT THIS HAD A GOOD SHOT OF HAPPENING! So the more you complain about it… well the rest is self-explanatory really.

On other news, No Game No Life has officially won me over as best anime of 2014 until the next FSN anime comes out. Beautiful animation. Great characters. And fucking hilarious.

Oh yeah. Please check out the new fanart I got recently, one the third fang group deviantart page. its full of win! on a side note, we need more fanart of the naruto characters!

Also please update the tv tropes page in general again! it needs lovin!

I'm finishing this late so I can't really think up of anything else to say.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! BEWARE THE WRATH OF SHADOW'S VAGINA FOR IT STALKS THE NIGHT LIKE A FEMALE BATMAN ON HER PERIOD! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Eleven: Insanity is defined as the repetition of the same exact action with the expectation that something different will happen… So why the hell is there a picture of me next to the word in the dictionary?

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

In Amegakure, two individuals stopped what they were doing at the same time and looked in the same general direction.

Both men were crippled in some way physically, and in a multitude of greater ways emotionally. Both were significantly powerful individuals, capable of shaking the shinobi world to its knees in one way or another with but a few jutsu and words, ways that they believed would be utilized in the very near future.

One could only merely identify the existence it was sensing… while the other was somewhat concerned.

The source felt just as strong as when he had first encountered it, which shouldn't be possible anymore for a number of reasons. Not only that, but if anything the power felt… complete, stable, almost enlightened even. All in all, far more than what it once was, yet still the same as it had been.

He didn't like it.

And yet there was little he could do at the moment. He was too far away to pinpoint the actual location of the source by the time it disappeared, so any immediate actions to encounter it was pointless. Still it would not do to do nothing. He did not like changes to the plans he had spent so long fabricating and enacting. Not when he was so close to his actual goals.

… Sensing it once again only confirmed the rumors both of these individuals had heard, and only sparked their drive to continue with their plans. The only possible source for what they were feeling had been missing for years now, and not even their greatest spies could get a single reliable hint as to where it had gone.

It was only due to impatience and wishful thinking that they had even resumed operations recently, as none of them had any concrete proof that things would be in their favor. They had had a successful start with the Six tails being obtained without much issue, but that did not last long as the One Tail proved far stronger than anticipated and delayed their progress, if only slightly.

But now their final mark had finally confirmed its existence for them, erasing any possible apprehension they might have had before.

Kyubi…

o. o. o.

The few actually successful dimension travelling schools across the multiverse tended to have similar education curriculums set up when it came to training people that wanted to "expand their horizons" from scratch.

Obviously, to anyone with a brain and common sense, any combat related training was done near the very end of the process. By the time this point was reached, most if not all the hot headed idiots that wanted to jump around realities to be heroes to the common people, and egotistical morons who couldn't keep their pride in check, were kicked out for the good of everyone.

The first thing that any of these schools did with new applicants was the testing and conditioning of their minds and emotions. Almost akin to advanced spy training really, only no one had any idea where the hell the spies would end up.

Nearly eighty percent of all applicants failed this six month minimum course.

Eighty five percent of those failures on average tended to require intensive therapy at the time of confirmed failure.

The fact of the matter was that the Multiverse was a cruel and unforgiving environment that changed drastically from one existence to the next. Students were frequently exposed to realms where common logic did not apply, where their respective species were enslaved, where said species had overpopulated themselves to damnation, where they didn't exist, where magic existed in malicious forms, various worlds with differing levels of technology, where the local government differed in certain rules to make them somewhat tolerable to absolutely abhorrent, etc, etc,…

… and how many of these places were the results of irresponsible jumpers doing as they wished, trying to change a place they disagreed with the current laws and setup and "tried to make things better".

That brand of thinking was one of the first things that the teachers crushed as ruthlessly as possible for the sake of everyone.

It was only after the students had confirmed that they would not recklessly use their powers and knowledge to try to change the worlds they traveled to like mindless fairy tale knights in shining armor that the teachers proceeded to educate them not on battle, but key things that most veteran jumpers kept an eye out for in order to get a fast and accurate idea of what sort of world they were in.

Different levels, types, and kinds of technology for example, were a reliable indicator of how advanced a world was, and more importantly, the level of communication and information processing present. The availability of this factor to the general populace indicated several things about the ruling government as well. A culture that allows such high rates of communication between the general populace indicates at least a somewhat moderately lax hand in regulating the population when compared to say, a totalitarian dystopia, oppressive communism, and other systems of the like.

This in turn would lead to accurate generalized assumptions about cultural standards, behavioral patterns, and the laws that kept the local society in check.

An experienced jumper, for example, could get an accurate estimation on the overall threat level, strengths, nature, population, government approach, and capabilities of a world's major population after spending at most five minutes in a major city.

Those who explored unknown, undiscovered universes and worlds as an occupation were required to take advanced forms of these classes before they were even tested, to check if they were capable of keeping themselves alive in a solid fight, and frequently actually meshed well with these other classes as well.

Frequently, these combination courses were often dubbed the "how to know when you are absolutely fucked in a fight" stream.

Among these classes, the students learned how to point out harder to find variables, such as secret police, hidden magical worlds…

And in this particular case...

" **How interesting. You seem to be under the impression that you know what I am."**

… Living physical representatives of the planet's very essence. All in all? Just a step or two short of being one the planet's actual gods of life in corporal form and something most jumpers tend to avoid if at all possible.

... and the gods save you if they actually _knew_ how to use presence.

"Oh you have to be fucking kidding me!" The now pantsless man lamented as he stared up at the near solid image of a massive fox looking down at him with mild interest.

He didn't bother paying attention to the three tailed variant sitting on the ground in the center of the illusion. He could already tell that the smaller creature was but a fraction of the real thing which had imposed itself onto reality. The world itself seemed to recognize the greater image's existence as more "real" than the smaller fox's, as he could tell the generated air currents matched the movements of the larger beast.

Without his presence he didn't stand a shot in hell against this colossus. Even with his presence he could tell he'd at best stalemate the thing… which wasn't a pleasant feeling since he was only going up against a fraction of the entity's power.

All in all, the only person in his group that could put this monster down at full power would be the old man…

Rage. Power. Malice. Bloodthirst. Hunger. Savagery. All these oppressive sensations and more bombarded his senses as the creature's crimson eyes leered at him as if peering into his very soul. While most humans and lesser beings would assume that the Fox was an existence of evil, the man staring it down knew better. "Evil" was a subjective term created by sentient beings whose very definition was subject to change depending on who was asked. "Evil" was not a natural phenomena supported by the world unless the world itself was somehow tainted and warped by its occupants in the first place, gods or otherwise.

No. All these sensations were simply the ones best translated into the mind of prey when facing down an unstoppable predator.

The fact that these impressions were worming their way into his psyche only meant that either he needed to bump up his mental fortitude training soon, that this thing had some sort of empathetic themed nature that mindfucked anything nearby, or that it had been corrupted in some way over its limitless lifespan... or a combination of the all the previous.

Yes, the creature in front of him was without a doubt the embodiment of life, of living and the desire to live via any means necessary. An apex predator that existed as it saw fit and would destroy anything threatening its desired way of life. Not out of a malignant desire, but as a natural reaction. There was no more reason for its actions than that.

And he was currently being judged.

Nine tailed foxes. A somewhat uncommon but still well known reoccurring existence across the multiverse that tended to possess a good deal of power behind each iteration, much like dragons. Their threat level frequently hovered between somewhat strong (Low ranked Upper Class) to absolute ball buster (High Ranked Holy Class).

The genuine god versions, such as when the Shinto God Inari tends to take the form of one, didn't count.

And unlike Dragons… Nine Tailed Foxes had a tendency to be vastly smarter than the average rampaging animal… and human… and most ethereal immortal creatures. It probably had something to do with the whole "living over a thousand years to get nine tails" theme they had going.

Given that the thing in front of him gave the impression that it was the size of a mountain at full power… the unwanted traveler could definitely feel his nads throbbing in pain in the wake of the busting to come.

" **Leave."** The monster commanded in a bored tone, never taking its eyes off of him. He knew instantly that the creature was addressing the kids that he was trying to off. **"I would rather not have to listen to the brat's moaning if I killed one of you weaklings by accident."**

Still shivering at the sudden turn of events and her recently acquired injuries, the white eyed girl that was all but enveloped by the fox's larger illusionary state nodded in a stunned manner, likely still coming to terms with the situation.

In contrast, that lucky little fox kit whose head was popping out of her shirt was still sleeping like an oblivious idiot. The damn little bastard even had a snot bubble coming out of its nose.

" _Ramen ramen ramen ramen ramen…"_ The transformed jinchuriki sleep talked, completely unaware of what was going on. _"… Pool pool pool pool pool pool…"_

Behind him, the foreigner heard the sound of that Faker girl with Gae Bolg take several steps backwards before jumping to the trees and disappearing moments later. Some rustling from nearby indicated that the bug brat and the large mass altering fatass probably bolted too… that is, if they were both still alive after that attack that destroyed half of the landscape around them.

Last but not least, the girl with the old presence managed to get up, look at the original three tailed body of the fox the man was staring down for a few moments, and then left in what he assumed was the same direction as the rest of the kids.

As much as he wanted to do something to stop the kids from getting away, the man couldn't afford to take his attention off of the fox for an instant unless he wanted to be pulverized. Even if he wasn't working with his handicap he'd still make the same decision. At the very best, if he acted quick enough…

" **You wouldn't."** The bored creature leered at him with a piercing gaze.

The traveler, still in nothing but his underclothes and radiating power couldn't help but snort in self depreciation, all and any attempts to plan a way to try and head off the escaping kids abandoned. The threat level on the thing just jumped up a few marks, at least. "And it's a mind reader too. Well isn't that just fucking wonderful."

" **You'd be surprised how little I have need for it. Most annoyances do not require more effort than me putting my paw on the ground."** The fox admitted casually as if he didn't see the man as a threat. His mouth didn't move as he spoke. Instead the world itself seemed to rumble and echo in a way that yielded results akin to him speaking with a voice from just his power. **"Of course I have refined it quite a bit as of late… your comrades are making quite impressive time approaching here. No doubt they recognize that I am too much for you to handle."**

It had already been less than a minute, but he already couldn't sense the kids from earlier. Even that big kid that he had landed several solid shots on. Damn ninjas. "Didn't think they cared. Then again, I'm guessing that they're more concerned about you at this point. Something of your level popping up out of nowhere like that without a ritual or a notable summoning is pretty surprising."

He already suspected the little fox that was sleeping between that girl's tits was the monster's source. Since it didn't disappear when it came about, and didn't disappear when the girl ran away, he could come up with other explanations. The sleeping kit housed this monstrosity in its body via some means, or it could manifest the thing through a link, or the small fox was this thing's descendant of some sort and could summon the bigger one.

Of course there were several other possibilities but those were among the most common and quickest that came to mind.

" **I don't need my powers to see what you are doing."** Kurama's eyes narrowed in irritation. **"You have already condemned yourself for trespassing where you don't belong."**

"To be perfectly honest with you, I just came for the ride." So the fox knew he wasn't a local huh? Not surprising all things considered. Still it was pretty full of itself if it thought it could just condemn anyone that set foot here… unless of course the beast was talking about whoever it was that already claimed this place…

" **Ah yes, if you are worried about them finding out about you, don't worry."** For the first time the titanic beast's features changed to something other than its normal apathetic demeanor. **"You were probably detected by at least one the moment you arrived. The fact that they have done nothing only means that you don't pose a concern at all."**

Oh wonderful. The territory they were on held _multiple_ heavy hitters. If Sylvia got caught then they were all screwed for sure now. Scratch that. She was probably the one that they were focusing on at the moment. "You know, you're not giving me a lot of options here. If you keep on pushing me to a corner I will have to fight back just to shut you up before whoever has dibs on this place kills me."

" **By all means. You know as well as I that the "me" here is but a meaningless fragment… no. A mere echo of a fragment, supported by my power and will. You would obtain a meaningless victory at best even if you could achieve it."** The fox egged him on with amusement as if he was making a game out of trying to get the human to throw the first punch.

"And the brats?" He rose an eyebrow. He may be a hot head, but he wasn't dumb enough to start a meaningless fight if he could help it.

" **They are at best minor investments found to amuse the ones that have taken to dwelling here. Or squishy meat toys."** Kurama allowed himself to open his mouth and yawn, as if the unspoken threat was meaningless to him. **"However if you do persist after them… I believe you should be familiar with the saying. Gods are like children…"**

"… They aren't quiet when someone breaks their toys." The traveler finished, managing to suppress the ominous shiver down his spine. Wonderful.

For a brief moment he had the urge to reply with the more amusing but still very true following of _"… they can't keep it in their pants."_ But he had the suspicion that being a wise ass wasn't in his best interests at the moment.

Wait a minute.

"Oi fox. If you can sense my coworkers, then you should know that I have serious backup coming." He frowned. Even if they couldn't use their presence…

… The old man should still have no issue taking out this thing in a single blow.

" **You are referring to that elderly human no doubt. Your sensor is doing an admirable job of hiding himself, but stealth is not his forte unlike those who dwell here. As for the woman… well, I** _ **am**_ **curious how she will manage to maintain herself here. This world is not suited for individuals of her disposition."** The fox yawned, unimpressed with the fact that someone was approaching that could defeat him with ease.

"She'll manage. She always has." The human shrugged casually. Now that the initial shock of the spirit's appearance had mostly worn away and he reasoned that he wouldn't likely die in the next five minutes, he could manage to regain his confidence and self control and focus it on more important things…

… Like not scratching himself silly from being covered in acid burns and bug bites.

The beast yawned again, as if the man's answer to his question meant nothing to him, which likely was the case. **"No doubt."**

The expression didn't change as one of his titanic swaying tails, easily large enough to topple a small mountain, tilted slightly out of its original path to swat away a violet beam that had been on a path with his head. The deflected ray bolted down its new path and plowed a sizeable flaming trench into the forest to the side of the pair that extended for a good quarter mile.

" **I don't know why, but for some peculiar reason I tend to attract the attention of human women with violent dispositions."** The fox grumbled, more annoyed with the statement than the fact that someone had just tried to give him a lobotomy from over miles away from the top of a small mountain.

Kushina was obvious example, and as for Mito… well, someone had to reign in Hashirama's more outlandish habits when Tobirama was fed up with babysitting him.

Hinata only continued the trend by keeping Naruto in line, and Shadow… well, that woman simply enjoyed making everyone miserable for the hell of it.

"Given that she knows I'm right here, I think she's still pissed about some things I said earlier." The human muttered. Despite the fact that he was still in a terrible situation, he lamented the rapid depreciation of the mood. "By the way…"

Another massive tail twitched, swiping at the sky, and creating a massive monsoon like gale of wind. The artificial storm thrashed at the large bombardment of missiles and beams of light coming down at them from directly above. The world around them echoed and rumbled with the salvo of explosions that were set off and the lasers that contorted and ruptured the area around them.

Naruto wasn't the only one that benefited from the several centuries worth of training in mastering wind chakra. After spending three years consuming the teen's energy to regain his full strength, some traits were bound to transfer over to him. The fox had nowhere near as much control as his container did, however it was far easier to create air based phenomena of destruction now, much to his pleasure.

All in all, to any bystander that lived in that world, it looked like an all out war was taking place. Total destruction of the entire area was all but ensured.

A third tail lazily moved, swiping around the body of the tremendous fox and creating a tremendous whirlwind that blasted away all the kicked up debris around them with such intensity that any fires that had been started and nearly all the vegetation around them were thrown into the air for miles in every direction. Within moments the pair was standing on the raised center of an otherwise perfect half mile radius crater.

And just on the edge of this new platform to the right of the dimension traveler was a casually standing bald old man in sparse military armor with both hands behind his back.

"… Where the hell are your pants?"

" _Of course_ that's the first thing you ask. I'm never going to hear the end of this one, am I?"

" **Probably not."** The fox grinned, clearly amused.

"I don't want to hear it from you of all people!" Blood spurted from the shouter's wound that nearly went through his heart from the rapid increase in blood pressure. "Gah!"

"A cursed wound? How odd…" Before the injured man could react, his elder placed a slightly hand over his injury for a few moments. When he retracted it, hole was slightly healed, but no longer bleeding. "It's a strong curse too. Interesting."

Another dark violet beam of pure energy attempted to blow off the fox's head, only to be deflected by the lazy interference of a tail.

"She does not give up easily, does she?" The bald human mused curiously with a dry smile on his face.

"She was pretty pissed when we split up." The raver admitted, shifting his muscles to test the extent of the old man's healing of his chest. "Odds are she's after whatever valuables this guy might be made up once we drop him."

"Poor girl's too far away to tell he's not even here." Somehow the number of lasers tripled this time, though it made little difference as they were all knocked away with as much ease as one was.

" **Allow me to dissuade her from continuing such a fruitless task then."**

Without any further warning, one of the fox's tails instantly twisted and pointed its tip in the direction the attacks were coming from. Instantly a dark, magma like glowing orb of raw power manifested at the end of the appendage, shrinking rapidly from the size of the demon's head to something barely the size of a large watermelon before it erupted into its own laser of black death that speared through the air with enough destructive force to turn the air around it into plasma…

Only to be deflected as a pure white beam of near equal power hammered it from the side and forced it off course. While the blinding illuminating counterattack was launched harmlessly into the air where it eventually focus, the more demonic variant hit the mountain next to his target, absolutely destroying the landmark in an eruption that was soon felt in nearly half of all the elemental nations.

The raver grimaced at the sudden demonstration of power. He had expected the fox to be powerful, but there was a difference between strong opponents and strong opponents that could manifest and utilize that power quickly. The difference in speed and charge time was normally what allowed most reasonably powerful smaller entities to have a shot against these bigger monstrosities, but clearly the one here was an outlier.

If it wasn't for old man Dima, Carmen would have been easily been wasted, Presence or not.

Said old man didn't seem to notice his comrade's disposition as he lowered his hand, never taking his eye off of the fox. "If you wanted to see a demonstration of my abilities, you could have just asked."

" **Interesting."** The fox didn't seem to be bothered with his failed attempt to murder the sniper or the destruction he caused. At the very least, the attack would give the woman the hint that she should probably stop attacking him now. Instead his eyes leered at the ant like dot in front of him in mild approval. **"You are quite powerful."**

"So I've been told." He was well over a thousand years old and a survivor of several peculiar events across the infinite, among other things. "You yourself are impressive as well. Easily among the most powerful foxes I have encountered in my travels."

" **Humph."** Kurama would have retorted he _was_ the most powerful period, but he knew better than to run his mouth and appear the fool. The human was exceptionally old, and had the scent of countless realms on him. In truth the human's scent resembled more the Oogakari's than his comrades'. He would not stoop so low as to blatantly ignore an obvious truth. **"Why are you here human? This plane was sealed off for a reason, and your pack is clearly not powerful enough to confront the ones that set this realm apart in the first place…"** His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he came to realize something. **"… No. The important question is who and where is the one that enabled you to come here? None of you here are capable of breaking through the barrier set up."**

"My my. I didn't think we'd be found out so quickly and easily." Dima shook his head in mild frustration. "So much for playing it safe."

" **Do not try my patience. I am capable of calling upon the ones you fear of encountering if I so wish. While they make it a habit to not interfere directly with this world's events, the same cannot be said for those that would interrupt their entertainment."**

The fox didn't say that he would only do so as an absolute last resort. The Oogakari would never leave him alone with their childish teasing if he actually did call them for help. All things considered… death really might be the safer option in this scenario.

There really was no way to predict what sort of absurd twisted abomination of reality they were planning next…

o. o. o.

With Crypt.

"Teenage. Mutant. Ninja. Turtles. Teenage. Mutant. Ninja. Turtles. Teenage. Mutant. Ninja. Turtles."

"Do I even want to know?" Tsunade leered at Waltz skeptically as the clearly insane man ranted with bloodshot eyes while goose stepping down a side street.

"PIZZA!"

"Only that as absurd as it sounds, we weren't responsible for that one… for once… most of the time." Waltz shook his head in resignation. Really, as messed up as his family was, sometimes it was almost as if the multiverse was just trying to challenge them on the weird factor.

"FUCK THE ALIENS! THEY CAME FOR THE DISCO MUSIC! THEY CAME FOR **LIEEEESSS! GODZILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

"… What are you doing?" The Hokage was distracted by the mad man's screaming by her compatriot bending over to pick up a small piece of concrete that had once been a part of the building they were on.

"Getting him to shut up." The old man absently replied as he tossed the stone casually up and down in his hand to get a feel for it. "Bonus points for getting it in his mouth. Double bonus if I can do it without causing his head to explode. You in?"

The medic leered at the immortal with an unreadable expression before reaching down to pick up a slightly larger piece than what the old man had picked. "I should feel completely disgusted by this. I really should."

" **AMBRICOMBIE AND FIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTCH!"**

"You'll get over it. They all do eventually. Now the trick is don't aim for his solar plexus or other areas that people use to control their lungs. Targets like that are completely pointless when it comes to Crypt.Trust me, he was singing Bohemian Rhapsody when I once tried crippling them in a surgery… including his lungs… and entire throat canal. The only way to stop it from here is to plug that noise-hole damn good. Key targets are the mouth and the throat. Too little closure will only make him go up a few octaves and let me tell you, if you think he's annoying now, you've never experienced mad ranting that can even drive the Fae themselves rabid. I'll go over rebound shot system when you've reached an intermediate level. Now to trigger the lightning rounds you have to shatter both his kneecaps in one shot, and when that happens…"

o. o. o.

Oh who was he kidding? Those mistakes of nature didn't plan. They ad-libbed their plans for the day using a multiversal thesaurus written by a collection of stoned savant high school goblins.

"I've seen that look before." The strongest human there with a hint of sympathy as the fox only somewhat succeeded in hiding his depression. "That bad?"

" **Enough that I would actually feel a modicum of guilt if I were actually to force them upon you."** The fox's reply sent an ominous shiver down their spines. It takes a very warped and powerful individual to cause a living embodiment of power and the planet to admit to such a thing.

"That bad." Dima's head bobbed up and down in affirmation. "I don't suppose we could simply part ways without escalating things any further, would you? Any conflict between us would without a doubt raise the attention of your prior visitors, we don't want any trouble, and you clearly have reason to keep those children alive. Since the children were clearly trained by whoever is here, killing them would only bring their wrath upon us. Even if we did kill them, I do not think we would be able to hide from them for long if they were actively searching for us."

" **True."** The fox nodded, seemingly in agreement before its mouth widened to expose his massive teeth in a vicious grin. **"However there is an issue that cannot be addressed through such means."**

"Of course there's a catch." The man without pants grunted as he readied himself to move at a moment's notice.

"Quiet Zeke." The elder's chiding was calm and casual, as if there was nothing wrong. "Let me guess. Because my comrade here made you go through the effort of materializing yourself into the world in person, you feel that you are entitled to some sort of compensation?"

A dark menacing chuckle thrummed through the air, pulsing with enough intensity that the humans could feel their bones resonate with the beat. Were they simple civilians, they would likely would have passed out or even been killed by such pressure. **"An amusing excuse. Not one that I would argue against, however I am not some petty human that feels that the world is indebted to me. No. The fact of the matter is simply that you are on my turf without permission and I am currently free to do as I wish."**

"Honestly. So in summary you simply wish for a reason to cut loose and we are the reason you have decided to utilize. Why couldn't you simply say so in the first place?" The old man slowly began to gather power as his right hand, turning it into a blinding white. In contrast to his preparations, he simply stared down the fox in a tired way. As if to say _'I know what you're really doing. Do you think I'm that stupid?'_

The creature in front of him was an echo of a fragment. Magnificently powerful all things considered, but still limited in many ways. Time was one of them. It could only last for so long in the world emulating its original strength, and as such it would do as much as it could to buy time for the escaping children. In this sort of situation, the best way to do it was with one supremely massive collision of attacks that would no doubt gain everyone on the planet's attention and thus force his group to immediately go into hiding instead of pursuing their original targets if they wanted a shot of living…

They couldn't draw out the fight out of risk of actually gaining further injuries, plus the creature was no doubt gathering information on what they could all do as time went on. Minimalist approaches to beings like this rarely ever worked. Killing it would ultimately lead to nothing, as its consciousness would just return to its real body, and they had no methods of anchoring its mind elsewhere.

Cunning bastard fox.

Admittedly, they might accidentally kill said children in the process if they got out of hand, but it was obvious the thing was willing to take that risk.

Clearly he was being underestimated, and would use it to his advantage.

"My friends, a fair warning, it would be best if you closed your eyes for this."

"Close our… oh fuck you're using that?!" The injured man paled drastically before bracing himself and covering his face. Of all the times to lose his pants and be covered in bug bites and acid burns. He was going to be itching and stinging all over for weeks after this. Hell, he didn't even know the old man could use that move without using any presence…

" **Hahahaha! Wonderful!"** Kurama's malicious laugh shook the world around them as his tails splayed out and within moments three tremendous black balls of demonic power pulsed into reality. Once materialized, the orbs of power seemed to stay hovering over the end of their respective tail as if it was a part of the main body. Whether or not they each had an independent use or were just used as single shot nukes had yet to be determined. **"To encounter such an understanding and powerful human is such a pleasant rarity! By all means! Show me where you stand among the realms of gods!"**

The Tails all contorted at blinding speed, all pointing at the small individual in front of their owner. At once the balls they were holding were launched and discharged.

At the same time the single speck of a human there raised his glowing hand and snapped his fingers.

The world went dark.

…

…

"Huh?" Zeke lowered his arms and warily opened his eyes to see his surroundings again. Even if he was so close that he didn't initially feel the blast or hear the effects, he at least expected the environment in a five mile radius minimum of him, including bits and pieces of himself, to be a wasteland of dust, stone, ash, lava, fire, and some glass.

Instead, somehow, the world around him had turned into a vibrant meadow in the shape of the small crater he had been in just moments before. In fact it was clear to anyone with the ability to sense energy that the environment had just been supercharged. It wouldn't be any surprise if within the next year or so the area spawned flora and fauna that were a good deal more dangerous than what the local population wouldn't be able to handle.

"Honestly." A female voice grumbled in an older sister like manner, clearly not belonging to any of the three individuals that had been there before. "I thought you boys were experienced. I take my eyes off of you for just a moment and you're already going head to head with one of the few natives that you shouldn't be fighting with. Do you have any idea how much trouble you could have caused?"

Standing in between the humans and the gigantic fox with her arms crossed, her cheeks puffed out and clearly not at all worried that she had almost been in the center of a record sized holocaust, was Sylvia of the Stained Glass.

Kurama knew he was fucked the instant he laid eyes on her.

o. o. o.

With the plot just a few minutes earlier:

It really was a tremendously sobering situation for the group and for good reason. Overall the teens and their group were considered the leaders of the next generation of Konoha. All of them were tremendously strong, skilled, and experienced for their age. All of them Special Jonin and Jonin.

All trained by the Oogakari.

The last fact was not missed by anyone, let alone themselves. They owed most of their growth to the insane clan members and would not deny it in the slightest.

However, the fact remained that their teachers were foreigners from a land that they never spoke of, and taught techniques never seen before in Konoha. On more than one occasion at least one member of the group contemplated just what the homeland of their teachers was like. What sort of environment was needed to produce such absurd and powerful individuals? From how their teachers tended to brag about their "epicness", it was somewhat safe to assume that the clan stood among the top of the totem pole in terms of power and skill.

They were insane as hell, but they weren't liars.

Still it did not give the shinobi a reasonable scale of where _they_ stood overall. The stronger they became, the better grasp they had of their abilities and how they compared to their friends and comrades…

… And yet none of them could ever manage to get a reasonable idea or estimation of where their teachers were overall. For those unaware of what they really were, it was if the they was more akin to forces of nature than actual individual beings.

All things considered though, the idea of encountering someone else from these mystery lands had still sent chills down their spines over the years. As a result, an unspoken rule had eventually been made among those taught by the foreigners, young and old:

If they ever came across an unidentifiable person that could use Presence, be prepared to either run or fight for their lives without any restrictions. Essentially fight or flight.

Clearly their fears had not been unfounded.

The team from Konoha was running as fast as they could. They had been around enough heavy hitters to know that when two of them decided to off one another, the local environment and everything else in the area was likely to be completely destroyed in the process.

All of them had been temporarily shocked when the Kyubi had appeared so suddenly. They had been further paralyzed when he manifested his presence and somehow managed to imitate what they assumed was his original power. All of their nerves had been virtually numbed as their world was flooded with demonic chakra and overwhelming killing intent, the likes of which they had only experienced brief tastes of in the past.

So when the fox snapped them out of their stupor and ordered them to run, they didn't think twice about it.

Chouji grimaced as the broken ribs he had throbbed with each jump, however he did not let the pain slow him down. He had been wrecked by several of the Oogakari during his training and forced himself to keep moving in similar if not worse situations. True at least five ribs were broken, however he had enough skills in chakra control to somewhat stabilize them until he got proper treatment.

Multiple swears were uttered as several lights flashed behind them and the ground rumbled from impact while Shino had the dazed Shion on his back. The priestess had been knocked into a daze by some flying debris by the mystery man's energy attack and was sporting a bruise on her forehead.

"Wonderful! We go in to deal with a world conquering demon and we get stuck in a fight between monsters that I believe said world conquering demon would run away screaming from!" Tenten snapped irritably. She had been unnerved by how the man had managed to peg her for a Faker. He knew what she was and what her powers entailed. Outside of her group… no, outside of just the Oogakari, she doubted that she would have encountered anyone that would have been familiar with what she was.

"Narutoooo." Shion moaned, her eyes clearly unfocused. "Why were you so big? Go back to being small. You're cute small…"

"And of course our VIP is completely out of it." The weapons mistress' eyebrow twitched. "Kinda hard to mistaken a small fox for the freaking Kyubi."

"… Shit…" Shino swore darkly just before a bombardment of attacks hammered down on the battlegrounds from above. They were close enough that the air around them rumbled heavily from the assault and made it almost impossible to hear the Aburame in the first place. Luckily the debris that flew in their direction was for the most part mitigated by the large trees and foliage they were running through. Any of the larger projectiles were easily noticed and avoided long before they posed any risk.

"What's wrong?!" Hinata shouted back to her teammate, byakugan active to keep an eye out for any enemies or attacks that might come at them from all directions.

"Shion-sama's prediction!" The normally silent teen brought up the forgotten event with a good deal of emergency. "She thought it was Naruto fighting back there and gaining us time, but it's really Kyubi-sama! Her dazed state is the reason why she couldn't provide us with much information before!"

"Oh fuck!" Tenten swore, understanding what he was insinuating and recalling the bit about the tremendous record sized explosion. "Move people! Move! The Fox got Naruto's love for explosions!"

"Shockwave!" Hinata roared at the top of her lungs during the middle of the girl's rant.

Half of Tenten's warning was muted by the sound of the tremendous gale of wind that the biju had casually made just moments before and launched the group even further away along with a good portion of the local wildlife.

Hinata, having prior notice of the oncoming force of nature, instantly moved to the back of the group and unleashed countless blasts of chakra that destroyed the largest and most concerning pieces of debris that came their way. Thanks to this, the group was only slightly torn up by the small stones and pieces of wood kicked up in their direction as they rode the pressurized air with practiced ease further away from the higher level monsters behind them.

"Guh!" Chouji winced as he landed hard, causing a massive jolt through his broken ribs.

"Ch! How bad is it?" Tenten doubled back to support the largest member of the team and got him to move again. They were still travelling far faster than what was advised for a person in his condition, but they didn't have the luxury to do otherwise at the moment.

"Enough that I can't keep this up for long." The Akimichi grimaced. "I'm using my earth style to stabilize my ribs for now, but it's only a temp solution and it will only get worse without being checked."

"There's another one there now!" Hinata's eyes pulsed. "It's the old man mentioned before, and he's even stronger than the one we were fighting!"

"Of course he is! Why the fuck wouldn't he?!" Tenten's frustrated sarcasm was hitting a new high.

"Tenten! Chouji! How fast can you make a bunker!?" Hinata demanded as she saw several more beams of power fired from outside of her range get deflected by the fox casually. She would have had to put an insane amount of power into her Kaiten in order to deflect a shot with that much chakra in it, but the biju made it look like he was just swatting a fly that was bugging him.

She tried not to shiver as moments later the biju retaliated with a beam of his own that would have taken out his mystery attacker had the old human in front of him fired off a blast of light that knocked it off course and nuked the mountain next to the target instead. The devastation made was easily on par with what she had experienced during the Han incident, and yet the parties involved were acting as if they were putting in minimum effort to their battles.

"I can summon one that can cover us all, but all things considered I doubt it would protect us from that." Tenten grimaced just before another shockwave overtook their location, pushing them further away from near certain death.

"I could reinforce it with my doton and maybe bury us for extra protection, but my jutsu is at half speed at best in my current condition." Chouji admitted in self disgust.

"You're not Naruto, Chouji. Don't act like you can recover from anything." Shino chided. "We have to set up now. Kyubi-sama already destroyed a mountain. There's no telling how much longer we have until things escalate. There's no point trying to hide from them if we are already dead."

"Right." The team landed on a moderately cleared clearing in the forest and instantly began to set themselves up. Tenten took out a sealing scroll with practiced ease, Chouji slowly went through seals, and Hinata and Shino stood on guard for any further unwanted surprises.

They barely made it through the initial steps before the air around them became stagnant and heavy with power.

Naruto snorted in discomfort and unconsciously buried his face into the gap between one of her breasts and her top to protect his sensitive nose.

"Can someone please tell me how the hell that fox is generating this much juice? I thought he only had three tails out!" Tenten grunted as she managed to summon out her defensive collapsible three meter radius four inch thick dome of pure adamantium. A gift from Scabbard for making Special Jounin. The metal was unlike anything she had ever worked with and held up against even the strongest attacks her friends could throw at it without so much of a scratch.

The shield was the only thing she received that was made of the material, and was her greatest defense against massive scale attacks, but not very applicable for active combat. Essentially it was meant for situations like this… but even so the girl had some doubts that it would hold against a direct hit from this sort of onslaught.

"Obviously Naruto wasn't the only one that got stronger during his trip." Chouji grimaced as he finished his last seal, causing the ground in front of them to lift up in front of them like a hill while their position dropped. It wasn't that drastic of a change, however it was stupid to assume that putting them in a hole in the ground would help. He wasn't good enough with earth style to dig his group out of twenty feet of pure stone and dirt if they were buried, even if he wasn't injured. Regardless, everyone trusted his judgment and gathered within the confines of the dome just as it was about to enclose them…

Without warning, the world went dark.

No, dark was a pitiful way of describing the tone of black that enveloped the world around them. It was would be better to describe the sensation as "light has ceased to exist" for those there. Later on those there would relate the unnatural event to being stuck in the middle of a cave several hundred feet below the ground with no light coming from any direction.

However… one person saw something else…

With her Byakugan active, Hinata witnessed an abnormality that she never would have thought possible happen all around her. Light, not as something that illuminated the world, but as an actual _substance_ like fire or water, behaved differently for that single moment. Instead of reflecting in infinite countless directions ambient like it was supposed to do…

... All of the rays generated by the sun and which had been hitting the earth for a great distance in every direction had just for one moment twisted and redirected themselves straight at the multi bomb wielding Biju just a couple of miles away in an omnidirectional focused attack that would without a doubt incinerate anything and everything there to ashes.

Her instincts told her that the amount of heat and power generated at the single focus point once fully completed, would wipe out the fox with ease and cause a burning wave of fire that would easily overwhelm them even if her group had had ten times as much time to escape as they originally did.

In that instant, before Hinata could even process what was happening… she truly believed she was going to die.

And then it all stopped.

Light was once more simply light. Color returned to the world. The overwhelming amount of pressure they had experienced was gone. Life was still in abundance around them, albeit nearly everything with legs was all but freaking out in one way or another.

And oddly enough, they weren't dead.

"… The fuck was that? Seriously?" Tenten whispered with a gasp and held her chest. She didn't know what happened, but for that one instant she truly believed like Hinata by pure instinct that they were all going to be wiped out.

So she, like everyone else there, was not surprised when she realized she was breaking out in a cold sweat.

"I don't know. And I don't want to know." Shino breathed out heavily, focusing with all his might in order to keep his insects in line. Whatever it did had caused his hives to go all but rampant inside of him from sheer instinct. The only time kikaichu were ever to act in such a way was if all the hives unanimously believed that it was going to be wiped out.

He didn't even register that Shion was holding him in a death grip from behind.

"We were going to die." Chouji shivered, his eyes wide. He had nothing to base his statement on other than his instincts, but he knew that his statement was correct. "We really were going to die just now."

"We have to get out of here." Hinata ordered, somehow managing to recover from the shock first. "We sneak out of the area, don't use presence, and maybe when Naruto wakes up we can figure out a way to-"

"Sorry about the shock, but there's no need to worry about that anymore. I've got you covered."

The sound of a new voice caused all of the teen's faces to pale dramatically and turn up to the source. Sitting on a branch casually above them was a rather attractive looking woman with long gray hair, blue pants, a white undershirt and a multicolored diamond patterned blouse. Contrasting her outfit however were a pair of black leather gloves and a somewhat uncomfortable looking spiked dog collar around her neck.

Next to her sat the once more smaller sized three tailed version of Kurama, never taking his eyes off of her, fur standing on end, and tails ready to twitch at the slightest hint of weakness.

She didn't give off any power. She wasn't exerting any presence. She didn't seem to be an enemy, and she wasn't making any offensive movements…

But all of the shinobi there instinctively felt something _wrong_ about the woman _._ She should not be here, and could take them out as easily as breathing.

"Oh don't look at me like that. I did save you you know." The woman pouted childishly at their reactions, though she wasn't unused to it. Many rookies tended to behave the same way around her if she popped up unannounced.

"Who…" Hinata fumbled over her words much to her displeasure. She had been on diplomatic missions to Kage and overwhelming individuals before and never lost her composure to this level. However given the fact that virtually everyone there had broken out in a cold fear induced sweat, she allowed herself the slipup. "Who are you?"

"Me? Mmmm. Well, I guess you could say I'm an acquaintance of… what are they calling themselves here? Ah, never mind. I've known Ghost, Shadow, Scabbard, and the rest for a good while." The woman whimsically replied.

The shinobis' eyes widened in surprise. They didn't expect to encounter someone that personally knew their teachers. In fact, up until then they never did encounter anyone that knew of their teachers before coming to Konoha

"You know Scab sensei?" Tenten asked hesitantly, hoping that this dangerous person that they knew nothing about was on their side.

The woman's eyes went to the white haired tan girl and widened momentarily before a small chuckle escaped her lips. "Oh Scab Scab Scab, you evil little man. So that's why you sent me here in such a hurry. I should have known." She shook her head in amusement. "Scab and I used to date a while back, and you could say that we sometime enjoy remembering those times with a great deal of intimacy."

Several jaws dropped. Including Kurama's. The change in mood was near record speed considering what had just happened.

In fact, it would be suspiciously too fast when Hinata went over her memories of the event during her later recollections.

The woman laughed from the bottom of her stomach. "Hahaha! Oh I never get tired of that reaction! If I didn't know him better I'd think that he made his entire personality to set that up!"

"The hell!? Since when did sensei have a libido?!" Tenten demanded incredulously, all but instantly forgetting that she had nearly been killed just a few moments earlier. Stepping forward with all the authority she could muster, the Faker pointed an accusing finger at the culprit. "I call bullshit! The only things that attract that man are money and the sounds of his targets crying in misery!"

"Oh trust me girl, he has it in greater spades than Ghost. He just has a better hold of it. I can attest to that personally." The woman finished expressing her amusement, not at all denying her accuser's other statements.

"Well there goes my wager." Chouji mumbled, recalling his bet in Konoha's black market pool on Scabbard's sexuality and drive. He, like the majority in it, had gone with the safe bet of 'he doesn't care about sex in the slightest, only money and tears make his black heart pulse'.

Shino on the other hand was planning on changing his bet and wager as soon as he got back home. Hopefully he'd get it done in time before one of his teammates did the stupid thing and let everyone else know.

"Are you looking for sensei?" Hinata asked skeptically. If this woman was a possible ally then they might be able to avoid any other snafu's for the duration of the mission. "If you help us out with the men trying to kill us, we can take you to him."

"That's fine. I've already talked it out with those guys back there. They won't come after you anymore. It's the least I could do since I am somewhat responsible for them being here in the first place." Sylvia casually waved a hand as if talking about a minor chore. "As for the Family, well it would be best if you didn't tell them about me and save everyone the headache. I used to be a friend of theirs, but well, due to some unfortunate events that I won't go into any further details, I'm not exactly on good terms with a couple of them anymore."

"Against my better judgment, may I ask just how poor of terms are we talking?" Shino hesitantly inquired.

"Kill on sight."

"That's… pretty bad." Tenten laughed nervously. In all honesty, she didn't know of anyone that had managed to piss off the Oogakari to that level.

"You have no idea." The woman shook her head in some shame before brightening up. "But regardless I'm not here to cause troubles. Actually finding out Scab and the others were all here was a bit of a surprise for me too. I know it's a bit much to ask but can you keep quiet about me and the others? I'll keep them away from anything important here, and if you do the same with the Family we can avoid any major problems. Those guys are just scared since your teachers have a bit of a rep where we come from and don't want to be caught on their territory."

"We're west of the land of Earth though." Chouji frowned in confusion. "How can we still be considered in the Oogakari's territory?"

"Oh, there are rules and methods…" The woman stated ambiguously looking away innocently. "Nothing that you have to concern yourselves with."

"As shinobi, we tend to have to be concerned with things of this nature. We have a habit of dying if we don't." Hinata frowned.

" _Plus it's hard to not be concerned about something that nearly killed us."_ The rest of the shinobi mentally added.

"Ah right the inverse ninja rule. Of course. How silly of me. It makes perfect sense now. I didn't think you'd be savvy enough to be aware of it. My mistake." Sylvia nodded as if realizing something obvious and likely missing Hinata's point.

"Inverse what now?" Tenten rose an eyebrow.

" **Don't ask. You don't want to know."** Kurama spoke up for the first time since he arrived, never taking his eyes off the woman in front of him. **"And no. It doesn't make sense. Most humans here really are just that weak."**

"How do we know that we can trust you?" Shino stared down the woman stoically, trying to get a better grasp of the situation. He knew that he didn't stand a chance against her even with his backup, but from the way the woman behaved he wouldn't put it past her to simply disregard their actions and aggressive behavior as simply amusing. "You have stated that you aren't on the best terms with the Oogakari, and your saving us may simply be a way to buy yourself time for some plan."

Instead of being affronted or amused, the God Class woman looked down at the Aburame curiously. "Hmm? Oh, I see, I see. So you're like that. Quite an interesting child, aren't you? No wonder you're the way you are…"

Tenten was going to yell at her for ignoring her friend when to everyone's surprise, the collar around the woman's neck sparked with a green light, zapping the wearer painfully if her flinch was anything to go by.

"Ow! Scab! I know you have your tastes but…" ZAP! Her complaining was interrupted by another jolt. "Ok! Ok! Geez! You're so mean sometimes!" ZAP! "Stop! I give! I'll play-!" ZAP!

The teens couldn't help but sweatdrop as the woman was yelling to their teacher, who wasn't there, and loosing badly as she was electrocuted halfway into each beg.

They had no doubts it was him. This level of childish sadistic cruelty was exactly the same was when they witnessed him torture his family members, Zabuza, and anyone else that had gotten on his nerves at the time. Painful, humiliating, and damaging to one's self worth for all eternity.

In fact, if Tenten's suspicions were correct…

"Fangirls."

ZAP! The woman's entire body seemed to light up in neon green electricity, causing her to lose balance and fall off the branch she was sitting on and land on her head.

"Why did you do that to meeeee!?"

Yep. The woman definitely wasn't faking it. Despite her calm demeanor, their cruel emotionless teacher had already gotten his hands on the woman.

o. o. o.

"You know, you could have saved everyone the headache if you just told us that Scab-sensei had you on a leash." Tenten smirked as she gave her body a look over and found herself at full capacity again.

After the newcomer had stopped getting electrocuted every other second, she had used whatever power she had to fully heal her team back to perfect condition. None of the ones there knew what exactly she had done, but the results were damn fast. One second they were all going over their scratches and torn clothes, and the next they were all good as new.

Shion had been healed from her concussion as well, but was rendered asleep in the process. A quick check from their leader showed that nothing was wrong and that she should wake up very soon.

"I don't wanna! You know how he is!" The foreigner cried childishly, her calm and all knowing personal having given away to the poor broken soul that tends to remain whenever tormented by an Oogakari. "The moment you admit that he owns you he only gets worse! Double so when it's a public admittance!"

None of the shinobi there voiced their agreement out loud or admitted to seeing the ominous green eyed shadow of a familiar vertically challenged sadist hovering over them with his fingers moving as if he was controlling a puppet.

"I'm surprised you just didn't go with the safe option and get indebted to him." Chouji shifted his body around to make sure that everything was in place. "You'd never get out of it, but it would still be safer."

"I am." For the most powerful individual in the area, she didn't seem to have much motivation at the moment judging from her slumped posture. "He makes it a personal challenge to try and get everyone he knows into debt to him before they die. Ghost has the highest tab, but my figures aren't anything to sneeze about either."

"How's that?" Shino curiously inquired.

"He puts the damages he pays for whenever I'm around on me, even when it's not my fault or involved." Waterfall tears fell down her face.

"Owch. Even for things that Shadow is responsible for?"

" _Especially_ when Shadow's involved." The woman's posture was completely relaxed. Her face was calm and casual, her heartbeat had not changed and there was no notable flux in her mood at all.

Clearly there was some history between her and the sole female Oogakari.

"Anyways, since you know that I'm… do I really have to say-?" Zap! "Ow! Ok! Ok! Since I'm officially Scab's bitch, can you please keep quiet about this? Like I said I'll keep the other guys out of your hair and letting people know of us will cause problems for you too."

It was a simple seemingly innocent request, made by a woman that could likely kill them in an instant.

Tenten sighed. "Man. If sensei is behind this then there's probably more to it than I want to know. I'll keep quiet for now but if something comes up and you're behind it all bets are off and the f-word flies rapid fire."

"No! Please! Not the f-word!" The woman whimpered pathetically before the evilly chuckling Faker. Clearly something was wrong with that picture.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Hinata asked Tenten warily, still not trusting the woman. She may have healed her team to perfect heath, but the stranger was still an unknown factor.

"It's not like we can actually do anything about it." Shino sided with the weapons mistress, if only for the fact that he had a better idea of how badly they were outgunned. "Sensei has already taken matters into his own hands. It's best to focus on the mission for now and stop Moryo's resurrection."

"Resurrection?" The woman tilted her head to the side curiously. "Are you talking about that demon nearby that's been controlling those weird terra cotta soldiers walking around?"

"You've encountered them too?" Chouji asked, done with his body check and seemingly satisfied with the results.

"No, but it's hard not to feel what's going on." She shrugged before turning her head to the direction the teens were running in just moments before. "He has his soul and body separated right? The seal on the body's been weakening recently, probably because the soul is freed, so it's not hard to figure out where it is. I'd say you have another ten miles to get to the location from here. Not far, but the guy housing its soul is almost there, so you can probably expect a trap by the time you make it."

"You can sense things that far that accurately?" Hinata blinked in surprise. Sensors in general were rare, and ones that were that precise were considered as valuable as elite jonin in most places.

"Eh. It's nothing special." The woman shrugged. Most high level jumpers had pretty sharp sensing abilities developed by the time they reached their rank. It was difficult to survive at that level without it. "From what I can tell, even if the demon does complete himself, it's still within your abilities to take out. This adorable little furball here in his current state is more dangerous than him."

Said adorable little furball merely grunted in response. Unlike the humans, he had not let his guard down around the woman in the slightest. **"If that is all, I believe it is best if you leave."**

"Aww. He's going tsun-tsun on me." Her swooning had not an ounce of mockery in it. She really found him that adorable. "He really seems to want to help you guys out on your adventure."

" **Believe what you want. I want no part in dealing with you, Stained Glass."**

"Eh?" She blinked in childish surprise. "Oh? You know of me already? Aw. How disappointing. I didn't think Ghost would actually bring me up in conversation."

" **I can keep talking if you wish."** There was an underlying threat in his tone that anyone with ears could detect. **"I am not oblivious like the humans."**

The demon fox and the world altering woman stared into one another's eyes for but a few moments before the latter relented and casually shrugged. "Fine. Fine. I can tell when I'm not wanted."

"Stained Glass?" Tenten frowned in confusion. She had never heard of the title before, but apparently the Fox did, and something about her was getting under his skin. His comment about them being oblivious was also giving her a bad feeling. It was as if the woman had done something that everyone else save the fox had completely missed.

"Kyubi-sama, she just saved us. Aren't you being a bit-?" Chouji began to address the demon, but stopped cold as a wave of killing intent was directed right at him.

" **Be silent."**

The Akimichi took a step back on reflex from being suddenly exposed to such an oppressive and violent aura. He had forgotten that the creature in front of him was only on his side by proxy of Naruto. No, he had disregarded the fact that it wasn't human in the first place.

Around him, his teammates save Hinata had the same reaction, not in control over themselves enough to stop their instincts from taking hold.

"Now now. No need to lose your temper fuzzy-san. I already agreed to leave so there's no need to be this aggressive." Sylvia tried to calm down the fox, not at all bothered by his sudden bloodlust. "I'll leave right away. Please, again, don't tell anyone about this, at least for now."

"… Fine." Hinata relented. "But only so long as they don't cause any more problems."

Sylvia nodded before seemingly noticing Naruto in the girl's shirt for the first time and smiled. "Hmm. Hinata, right? That's Ghost's apprentice in your chest if I'm not mistaken."

"You've met?" Shino tilted his head curiously.

"Oh you'd be surprised how fast gossip and information about Ghost tends to spread back home." She replied while never taking her curious eyes off of the sleeping fox. "My my. So rumors were true. How unfortunate…"

"Rumors?" Hinata instantly latched onto the comment with a hint of ferocity that no one missed. "What rumors?"

" **It is pointless to dwell on or speak of that event."** Kurama spoke up with a good deal of irritation and annoyance. **"It has no relevance."**

"That's not completely true and you know it." The woman countered. "You should be able to feel the lingering power in the poor boy's wounds. To not be completely purged after this long with Ghost, the existence that enforced this phenomenon must have been at least the equivalent of…"

" **Speak carefully human. I may know my place, but I also know yours."** The fox's final warning was lethal no matter how anyone interpreted it, though those listening didn't comprehend what he was referring to specifically.

Sylvia puffed out her cheeks in almost innocent frustration before letting out her breath in defeat. "Fine. You win." She spared one last glance at Naruto as she turned to leave. "You two must be exceptionally close for him to be like that. I'm pretty envious."

The Hyuuga had the decency to blush and turn away for a bit. "O-of course we are. He's my boyfriend."

"That's not what I mean." The woman shook her head. "When it comes to people like us, ones with power that have seen too much of what reality can provide… well certain habits are eventually developed."

"Habits?" Hinata frowned as their temporary savior faded away into the woods. "What do you mean he's like you?"

"… Mmm. How do I put this?" She donned an innocent ponderous expression as she walked away, not that anyone could see it. "Let's just say that it's hard for us to sleep soundly in the embrace of others. Sex, debauchery, marriage, lying, fighting, working, and other supposed intimate activities pale in comparison to this simple action. To be in that deep of natural sleep, to be that genuinely relaxed with our guards down… you could say that for us it's a sign of unconditional trust… something that we rarely allow ourselves to afford after going through our experiences."

"And why is that the case?" Shino inquired. "Is it simply that you do not trust yourself with self control around others, or the matter that you are unable to trust others in the first place?"

The woman's image disappeared into the shadows like an illusion.

"No… it's simply because the greatest terrors always come about when the strong trust incorrectly. Who and what the victims of these mistakes are, are completely inconsequential compared to the scale of the eventual calamities."

The area was ominously quiet as the group pondered the woman's warning.

"… Is she gone?" Chouji looked around warily. He was not joking in the slightest. All of their teachers had replicated situations like this in their training before to make them drop their guard and think they were safe, only to completely blindside them moments later.

"My insects can't detect her." Shino noted, also on guard.

"I… I can't see her either." Hinata added distractedly.

Kurama said nothing.

Naruto sneezed.

"… FANGIRLS!" Tenten shouted at the top of her lungs.

ZAP! "GHAAAA!" Thump. "WHY?!" A familiar voice screamed in pain from a good distance away.

"Eh. She'll be out of hearing range in a minute."

"… _Ramen ramen ramen ramen."_ Naruto nuzzled his head to one of the "pillows" next to him, still very much unconscious and very much unaware of what had just happened. _"… Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp…"_

"Gha?! N-Naruto!? W-what are you aaaannnhhhhh! T-t-tongue! Mmmmmm!"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"Against my better judgment, why are you smiling so much?" Ghost asked his sister as he tossed her a bag of Halloween candy.

"… I don't know, but I feel really happy right now." The woman grinned as she tore open the bag with practiced ease.

"Flowers and sunshine happy?"

"Listening to the agonizing wails of my mortal enemies happy."

"Right. Best keep you away from the public for a bit. You tend to maim people that accidentally lower your happy high."

"No complaints here. I'm happy!"

"That means you can't spread the love this time."

"That makes me less happy!"

"Yes it… oh shit."

o. o. o.

Iwagakure:

Sitting in his office, Onoki stared down his long time friend and on/off (Moderately buzzed/ Very drunk) advisor. "You sure about this?"

"Positive." Roshi frowned. "That was definitely the Fox. Son wouldn't mistake his signature for anything." He left off the fact that the giant ape was pissed off that Kurama had learned how to use Presence, and was currently groaning that the fox would be lording it over his siblings at the first opportunity.

"Three years gone and the first place that nut decides to show off is near our western borders. Fucking young idiots." The Tsuchikage shook his head in frustration. "At the very least, barely anyone knows it was him. Demonic chakra feels the same to most people, and it's not like our sensors are familiar with the fox himself."

"Other than the ANBU sent on that mission three years ago, I don't know of anyone that would be able to make the distinction. Konoha almost never used their Jinchuriki during the wars so the vets wouldn't pick it up either. It's best if you just blame Han for this one publicly."

The Tsuchikage looked at a seemingly random corner of the room. An instant later, the ANBU hiding there was gone to collect his comrades and set up a believable gathering at the prison where the Jinchuriki was being held.

"As if I didn't have enough trouble these days." The old man grumbled as he laid back into his modified chair. It was a particularly useful design created recently by some new pharmaceutical company that relieved stress on the lower back. All he had to do was endorse the company and he got as many back relieving products as he wanted. It was damn well worth it as far as he was concerned.

Scabbard Oogakari completely agreed. The company was one started by his girls and he owned a solid percentage of it that only grew in value with the increase in sales due to the endorsement… not that the Tsuchikage knew of course.

"Those revolutionists are complete idiots." Roshi shook his head. "Since when did our standards drop this much?"

"De-militarization. Less funds. Loss of the previous war. Loss of faith from the Daimyo, reputation, and possible clients from one too many betrayals of ours getting out. Me getting old and having no inheritor to Muu-sensei's Dust Release techniques." Onoki listed off the reasons. "While I was busy keeping the village together, something was bound to give eventually. Saru had his civilian council turn into a rats nest, and apparently I had my village's cumulative IQ go down the shitter. Everyone here is too damn proud of themselves or their village to recognize their mistakes."

Roshi silently stared at his friend. How long had he been waiting for the leader to admit that very same thing all those years ago? "You could just up and leave. Not like anyone here could stop you."

"Funny. You don't look drunk." The diminutive man snorted bitterly. Even if he wanted to just leave, that would only cause more problems. Whoever took charge after him now was likely to muck everything up and start another war. There were admittedly a good number of shinobi and clans there that didn't have their heads in their asses, but they unfortunately did not have as much popular support as he did. Even if one of them did take over, they would likely not be strong enough to last long, or good enough to keep things together.

Ever since the Han incident three years ago, the old wounds that many of the veterans had for Konoha began to fester with increased intensity and that infection spread throughout the ranks. It didn't help that more than a few annoying bastards here had stoked the flames purposefully, making it even more of a pain to deal with.

For the past year, not a week went by without some argument or fight broke out with some drunk moron screaming about how it was Konoha's, or the Yellow Flash's fault. It was honestly pathetic to watch, and probably would have been a great way to show everyone that they were acting like idiots… if they didn't sympathize with the crying idiots in the first place. The fact that Konoha was flourishing like mad while still somehow abiding by the demilitarizing laws put into place was not missed by anyone.

There had even been a few traitors that had attempted to assassinate him in public no less, assuming that he was getting sloppy and dimwitted in his old age. Apparently though, it seemed only that the dumbest of the lot actually believed that as the numbers that actually tried this and were reduced to less than dust in public were still in the single digits.

That was the great thing about Dust Release techniques. They were all pure overkill, and put the fear of him into anyone that saw them first hand. It was great for keeping people in line.

"Shows what you know. I make it a personal goal to be at least buzzed so long as I'm conscious till the day I die." The red haired old man smirked.

"A fine a goal as any I guess." The Tsuchikage matched the grin with one of his own for a few moments before letting it drop.

The jinchuriki leered at Onoki for a few moments before sighing. "Why do I have the feeling that Uzumaki isn't the only reason I'm going to binge tonight?"

"That easy?"

"You'd normally be bouncing ideas of what places to raid and possible executions by this point." The man pointed out. "It's easy for me to tell when you're distracted."

"I'll make sure to not do it again." The shorter of the two shook his head before taking out a folder. "There's been reports from my spies. Apparently, the rebels got their hands on _something_ recently. What's worse is that whatever it is, it has them both nervous and excited as hell."

"That combo's never a good thing so close to home." Roshi frowned as he took the unofficial reports and scanned them quickly. "Any idea where or what it is?"

"They." Onoki corrected. "Plural. Not many from what we can tell, at most a handful and certainly more than one, but other than that no. The leaders are keeping info on this under max security. Only rumors have been going around, but it's been confirmed that something has fallen into their hands. Odds are likely that it's in one of the abandoned bases that they're using, but until we gain more information we are still shooting in the dark."

"Think it's a weapon?"

"Whatever they are, Iwa would probably be left in a terrible state once these idiots do finally get about to using them." The old man leaned back in his chair. "I've had my spies and leaks try to learn what the hell it is that has everyone's panties in a bunch since the rumors were verified, but so far no luck. Even worse is that there's whispers that these things are going to be used soon."

"Soon" was an incredibly subjective term in their line of work. "Soon" could be within a few minutes on the battlefield, or a few months on the political side. When it came to war and the like, "Soon" tended to lie somewhere between a week and two months, but even that wasn't a reliable timeframe.

"Wonderful." Roshi sighed as he took out his sake and gulped deeply. "I don't suppose you're going to make things worse by hiring those Akatsuki pricks to increase security are you?"

Onoki frowned. While the two normally got along pretty well, Akatsuki was one subject where they never seemed to be able to agree. The Tsuchikage knew that Roshi knew something about them that he didn't, but the red headed old shit would never seem to just say it. "At this point I may have no choice. Han is unstable as hell and nearly a fifth of our forces are questioning my reliability at this point. The stronger I look the more time we can buy to find a solution, and since Iwa's credibility is at an all time low internationally, Akatsuki is our best short term solution."

"And an abysmal mid and long term." The jinchuriki countered. "You know that Akatsuki is persona non grata as far as the other main villages are concerned. While they haven't done anything directly with Akatsuki, it's common knowledge that the mercs are practically banned from the countries and their information is always being bought at a premium. Plus relying on mercs, no matter how strong they are, is not going to do your reputation any good. Hiring them is social relations suicide both inside and outside our borders now, especially as bodyguards and security of all things."

Onoki snarled at Roshi's arguments but couldn't argue against them. The man had a point, but at this rate things would fall apart before Roshi's pointed out consequences would even come into play. "Then what do you expect me to do? Hire help from Konoha?"

The Jinchuriki rolled his eyes and was about to come up with his own sarcastic reply, when he paused for a moment and began to think.

"… I was joking."

"Hold on. I'm still thinking." The lava user held up a hand tentatively.

"There would be riots in the streets if even half assed rumors were made about it." Onoki continued. "And it's not like Konoha would even go through with it, not with our reputation and history of backstabbing everyone we came across."

"And whose fault was that?" Roshi rose an eyebrow skeptically. It was well known that Iwa shinobi didn't work well with shinobi from other nations. At least a third of the major double crosses during the past three wars combined were attributed to them, and since Onoki was their longest ruling Kage…

"I can show you a literal mountain of reports showing that in most cases we were simply in a rush to double cross first." The smaller of the two stubbornly held his ground without shame. "But we aren't in war now, and I don't want a war later. Personally I think that I've gotten a good eye for seeing what can possibly set an international movement over the years. That being said, there's no way in hell that asking help from Konoha won't spark something off."

"… Yeah. Konoha's no good. Neither are the smaller countries or Suna…" Roshi began to tick off their options. "But Kumo…"

"Forget it." Onoki cut him off. "That muscle bound fool of a brat A would only make things worse charging into everything head first. He's not one for following agreements either. Idiot nearly continued the third war with Konoha a decade ago with that Hyuuga incident, plus there're those rumors of lava users in his ranks, and the fact that he's made no effort to demilitarize…"

"All the more reason to go to him." Roshi pushed. All things considered, Kumo was at least neutral to Iwa over the years. "He has two fully trained and loyal Jinchuriki…" _That I can talk to and team up with if needed._ "… He has no loyalties or obligations to Konoha…" _That anyone is aware of._ "… He has enough forces to spare…" _That can be used to fight off Akatsuki if needed and send word back to him._ "… He isn't willing to start a war if possible, and if relations get bad between us we can just break off ties and no one would bat an eyelash so long as we aren't dependant on his forces, which no one here would ever admit."

Onoki glared at his friend for a good minute, going over what his friend had said. "… One of these days, you are going to tell me why you really are against Akatsuki so much."

"One of these days, you'll be in a position to believe what I have to say." Roshi replied, matching his glare without any hesitation.

"They're only ten men."

"Namikaze showed us what _one_ man could do, and at least we knew where his loyalties lay."

The room was silent as the pair steadily yet subtly increased their killing intents. They were not at one another's throats, however to men of their stature and experience it was a good way of determining one another's resolve to their decisions.

While it wasn't much to them, it was soon becoming all but unbearable to the ANBU hidden in the room.

And then Kurotsuchi burst into the room. "Oi Gramps! Please tell me that chakra earlier wasn't who I think it URK?!"

The teen's half demand half question was cut short as she inadvertently caught the attention of both men while still blasting their intents and got a face full of both. This resulted in the girl's entire body freezing up and momentarily causing her heart to stop. Both very common reactions to such levels of exposure.

"Girl, what have I told you about barging into my office like that?" Onoki grumbled while letting up on his power. The mood had already been killed so there was no point in continuing.

"Give her a moment 'Noki. Poor kid just got a surprise double serving." Roshi snorted as he watched the girl almost hyperventilate and regain control over her pulse. "I'm a bit surprised. Personally I would have thought that she would have passed out from that. She must have gotten a bit stronger since last I saw her."

"Glad. You noticed." The granddaughter of the Tsuchikage panted as she attempted to regain control over herself, clutching at her chest right above her heart.

"Feh. It's her fault for barging in her like that. For someone who dislikes the Uzumaki brat so much, she acts a hell of a lot like him." Onoki held back a bitter laugh. "Blonde little shit burst in two meetings I had with Saru when I was in Konoha. It was damn obvious that it was a common occurrence too."

"Don't you still have those photos he got us though?" Roshi leered at his friend curiously.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." The other perverted Kage diplomatically avoided the question.

"You know, it's that attitude that got everyone to call you "Fence Sitter" in the first place." Roshi rolled his eyes. "Word on the street is you've been sitting for so damn long the fence is all that's keeping you up these days."

"There's an insinuation involving my ass in that jab isn't there?"

"Probably."

"Children. Can't they come up with anything original these days?"

"Deidara did, but we apparently kicked him out because he wouldn't shut up about it."

"Don't remind me... wait you weren't here for that."

"Akatsuki research."

"Now you're just being obnoxious."

"Nope. Just drunk."

"Oi!" Kurotsuchi grunted, having her pulse under control. "Demon Chakra. Near Iwa. Please tell me you two know who it is, cause I definitely do."

Onoki snorted as he triggered a seal to close the door behind the girl and prevent them from being overheard. "Of course we know it's the Uzumaki brat, just like we know he's probably gotten himself into another outlandishly unnatural event. You've seen his mission report files girl."

Oh she saw the files that Tsunade gave Iwa as a sign of good will. Personally she still didn't believe them, not completely anyways. The Han incident was one thing, but she was calling bull on at least half of the others she saw. "And the fact that he's so close to our territory when no one's heard from him?"

"Give it up kid." Roshi rolled his eyes. "I've spent time with and studied him as an enemy. The kid does what he wants when he wants, and only goes nuts when there's a damn good reason for it. He's insane for sure, but not stupid. Whatever he's doing, it doesn't involve us. Otherwise he probably would have tried to sneak into the village just to say hi to 'Noki and me already. For some bizarre reason he's actually taken a liking to your gramps."

"What's not to like about me?" The Tsuchikage mumbled dejectedly.

"But. But…" The girl attempted to scrounge for any sort of argument against the old men's decisions, only to instantly lose her voice again when the latter two leered at her tiredly. "Gh! Fine. I'll drop it. Don't bother apologizing if it turns out I'm right."

"Not going to because you're not." Roshi snorted, turning back to his booze. "Besides, your paranoia's better focused on these rebel idiots at the moment and whatever the hell they landed that's got their panties in a twist."

"Hah?" The girl tilted her head to the side in confusion. "The revolutionaries have something actually important? That's the first I've heard of it."

"Surprising." Onoki's eyes steeled slightly, noting that the girl called them by their preferred name instead of what they are. "Normally you're better informed about this sort of thing than we are."

"Oi oi. Just because I hear things when I'm out on the town doesn't mean I'm better than your spies." The girl's arms crossed defiantly.

She was right, but she did have a habit of hearing things that said spies failed to notice. Her "drinking buddies" probably knew she was a spy of some sort, but she was too high a priority target to simply take out when their organization was still a bit on the weak side. Plus she was a great way to leak the locations of potential loose ends in their group to the Tsuchikage in a way that didn't lead back to them. Essentially they were using the enemy to scratch certain itches. Backstabbing happens on both sides of any war after all.

"Well against my better judgment, I'm telling you that I wouldn't mind it if you happen to act like this idiot here more often for some time to relax. Think of it as an earned vacation from your missions and training." The Tsuchikage nodded his head to Roshi, who snorted and grumbled annoyed in response.

Unofficial Mission: Gather as much information about what the revolutionaries have. Time frame: undetermined short term, max limit one month. Cover: on temporary leave shinobi recovering from extensive training and work overload.

"I can feel the love." The girl rolled her eyes.

"I have plenty of more love on the back of my hand if you want." Onoki rose an eyebrow.

"I'm fairly certain there are laws about that sort of affection." Kurotsuchi continued with a tired sigh, not missing a beat. "Then again, most crappy political figures tend to get away with it so that direction's moot point."

"Oh shut up and get your smart ass out of my office girl." The Dust user smirked. All things considered, the only people he allowed to talk to him in such an insubordinate manner in Iwa were in that room. Anyone else would have been killed, imprisoned for insubordination, or demoted by now.

"The family resemblance is uncanny." Roshi somehow managed to keep an even face as their charge left the room.

"You want some of my love too?" The ruler raised a hand threateningly.

"Please. I wouldn't feel an itch from that tiny thing." The jinchuriki's lips twitched in amusement as he drank some more. "I didn't know you were so affectionate."

The diminutive man growled as he leaned back into his chair and took out another report. "Oh shut up you stupid ape and help me out with these damn papers."

o. o. o.

Plot… AGAIN!

The team from Konoha plus Shion was making a straight dash for the temple where Moryo's body was sealed. Their charge had been awakened and brought up to speed on the situation so there would be no complications, and Kurama had wordlessly returned to his container soon after it had been confirmed that the woman familiar with the Oogakari was out of earshot.

They were all tired. They were all frustrated. They were all irritable. They were all fully healed. And they were all very willing to take their anger out on the demon that was inadvertently the source of their current grievances.

"Shion-sama!"

Or that annoying personal aid of Shion's if he wouldn't shut up soon.

"Taruho please leave and keep an eye on everything from a distance." The miko ordered firmly, knowing full well that her guardians were not in the best of moods. "Moryo is already at his body but the seal is still holding. We can't afford any distractions."

"What happened earlier?!" The normal human demanded. "An entire mountain was exploded and there was that horrific power… I thought that Moryo had already awakened!"

" **If he compares me to that weakling ever again, I will come out and eat him."** The fox grunted to Hinata through her link with Naruto.

"Now's not the time to explain!" Hinata snapped, not exactly in the mood to mingle either. "We are going to be in hostile territory soon and can't afford to be distracted! Fall back and wait for us to finish our job!"

"But Shion-sa-!"

The aid was cut off as four separate, albeit held back, blasts of killing intent hammered him at once, causing him to almost fall flat on his face. The fact that he was still conscious was somewhat commendable for a civilian, but the shinobi there weren't in the mood for pointing it out.

The priestess looked back at her aid apologetically but didn't say anything. She knew that while he was loyal to her, he would be nothing but a burden from this point onwards. He wouldn't be able to survive getting past the constantly respawning clay soldiers, even with their help.

Case and point, just a mile further, when they were nearly at the base of the dormant volcano that the demon was held, the group entered a field that was literally filled with the soulless killing constructs. Rough estimates already put them at hovering over a thousand.

No one bothered to utter a word or slow down.

"Multisize." Chouji muttered as he used his oldest technique to transform into a large rolling ball of meat and death that plowed through the army without pause and make a path for his friends to bolt through unimpeded.

The clay soldiers were all of the same make and build. Spear wielding. Very durable and strong, but also incredibly slow compared to shinobi in general. They were a pain to defend against in large numbers, but it was a completely story if one was simply trying to get past them.

However, Chouji wasn't done yet as he charged straight towards the flat vertical face of a cliff…

"Earth Style: Royal Gate Path!"

The Akimichi crashed into the cliff with the force of a tremendous bomb, and as such that was the result he was given, but in a different form. While the stone around him cracked heavily from his impact, the most notable visible effect was the tremendous and deep crack that went straight up the cliff instantly…

Then the world exploded.

As if the world's largest gate had opened with the fissure as the border between the doors, tons and tons and tons of dirt and stone erupted in an explosive avalanche that sprayed debris of all sizes in literally every direction. The stones flying at terminal velocity absolutely overwhelmed and crushed the clay warriors indiscriminately, turning the once green field into nothing more than a rock quarry in near record time.

The shinobi and their charge were completely uninjured. The single safe zone for this jutsu was a small area right behind where the Akimichi had collided with the wall.

It took less than a minute for the heavy debris to finally land on the ground again, however the dust in the air made it difficult to breathe for most individuals. Thankfully, Tenten came to the rescue of her team and client and materialized a copy of Temari's Ramidreju and blew away all the offending air in a single swing.

The cliff face that Chouji had impacted was completely warped. The edge where the center of the "gate" had been was sticking out ahead of the rest of the natural formation, curving back to either side as if the stone had been perfectly carved out from above and continued for about a hundred meters in either direction. Given that the face of the cliff was at least fifty meters up… it was pretty safe to say that he had moved a lot of earth with his latest move.

Shion couldn't help but shiver in awe and fear at the destruction behind her once the dust cleared and she stopped coughing. She had known that the shinobi that were friends with Naruto were a good deal stronger than normal shinobi… but she had never expected something on this level before.

She made a mental note to never underestimate her future possible new friends ever again.

She also made a mental note to thank Tenten for loaning her those ear plugs when she woke up. She wasn't good enough with manipulating her powers to do something as esoteric as protecting her ears so she wouldn't go deaf.

Without warning, something flew from the mountain behind the group and landed on the destruction below with a tremendous impact. Even before the kicked up dust settled the group could feel a tremendous amount of unstable chakra coming from this newcomer, and an even greater amount of killing intent directed right at them.

"Konoha Shinobi!"

A new voice erupted from the dust just before it was blown away with a burst of energy, prompting the teens to see the pink haired assassin they had yet to kill glaring at them from the top of the tallest pile of debris that Chouji had made. It only took a moment to notice that he had clearly been altered since their previous encounter.

The arm that Naruto had unconsciously torn to pieces was replaced by several tentacle-like creatures with vicious heads writhing around one another. What would be normal skin showing on the rest of his body was covered in multiple layers of different colored glowing tattoos, and his skin had taken an almost black hue…

Oh yeah, his eyes were also glowing pure white with power in addition to the black aura hovering around him, but that had happened so often that no one seemed to pay much attention to that.

"Oh hell not another one." Tenten groaned, clearly more tired at the shinobi's appearance than scared.

"Another what?" Shion asked nervously, clearly affected by the waves of power the enemy was giving off.

"You killed my brothers earlier! You destroyed my arm! You made me appear a fool before my masters!" The clearly mad with power man began his speech, clearly intending to vent a bit before getting to the killing.

"Suicidal charge. Overblown with power. Doped up with enough unknown steroids to give most veterans pause and wipe out entire platoons with ease, before they burn out and keel over when the job is done." The weapons mistress elaborated tiredly. "Honestly, if we had the time to kill, we'd just run away from this guy until he runs out of time and dies, but for some annoying reason they just tend to show up when we're on the clock."

"… Pride and Honor of the almighty Moryo I…"

"Well at least he's still talking." Chouji added helpfully.

"Yeah but he'll move if we do." Tenten countered. "Even I can tell that he has enough juice to be a major problem. The previous guys had some freaky powers and this one is way stronger than they were. At least two of us are going to have to…"

"Dibs."

Everyone turned to Shino incredulously.

"Shino." Hinata hesitantly spoke up. "I know you're eager to fight again but I really don't think…"

"I called dibs." The Aburame firmly held his ground as if his statement settled the matter. "You go ahead. Why? Because I'm going stay here, and make this idiot my bitch."

Everyone's eyes widened even more at the normally silent teen's statement. He was normally pretty eager, in his own way at least, to join in on higher level missions, but rarely had anyone ever seen him this ready to fight.

Also, there was the fact that he actually called someone a bitch. The word was as taboo around Kiba as "fat" was around Chouji.

"Now prepare yourselves for your deat-!"

Shino took one of his hands out of his pockets and snapped his fingers.

Without further warning, a colossal grey and black insect that appeared to be a combination of a termite and a centipede erupted from the ground underneath the clearly powerful shinobi, enveloping him in its cavernous like mouth. The creature twisted its head and body in a way to clearly harm its consumed prey with pressure and its contorting muscles before it sunk back into the ground again with as much speed as it had coming out.

Everyone other than the Aburame simply stared and gaped at what they had just seen.

"… I know it shouldn't be said, but do please remind me of this the next time I think of something that might piss Shino off." Tenten absently told Chouji.

"L-likewise." The Akimichi nodded dumbly, sharing the Faker's expression without shame.

" _Oh hell I pissed that off."_ Shion mentally wailed in anguish.

"Sh-Shino?" Hinata turned to her teammate with some uncertainty. "… Since when could you do that?"

"About five months ago." The stoic teen replied as if answering a mundane question, more interested in spreading out his significantly smaller insects around the general area. "I suggest you all move ahead. That by itself won't hold him back for long."

Indeed, even now the shinobi there could sense a tremendous growth of power coming from the area where the enemy had been dragged down. The feeling instantly sobered the mood among those there.

"Shino. Be honest, do you really think you can handle him yourself?" Hinata asked firmly.

The Aburame leered back at her momentarily before he made some seals. "You know me better than that Hinata. I don't do fights that I don't have the advantage in."

That seemed to be enough to convince the Hyuuga as she instantly turned around to look at her other teammates and their charge. "We've wasted enough time. We're going up the cliff and straight to the temple. Tenten has Shion."

"Aww. And I wanted to see Shino go nuts on someone. That never happens." Tenten mock pouted as she piggybacked Shion. "Hold on tight. Keeping balance with you on at this angle is gonna be tricky."

The teens just barely made it all the way up to the top of the cliffs before the ground exploded upwards in a combination of spiraling fire and lightning that blew earth outward in every direction.

From above, the advancing shinobi saw a man shaped monstrosity glowing with power slowly pick itself up from the hole made in the ground and look directly at them murderously. Bits and pieces of its warped body seemed to be channeling different elements irregularly, proven by half of his hair being on fire while his formally normal arm was now a massive tendril of water.

"You're looking the wrong way." Shino stated evenly, standing a moderate distance away from his target with as much concern as an Oogakari. "I'm right here."

A bolt of lightning pierced the Aburame's body almost instantly and taking out the bulk of his upper torso, only to reveal it to be an insect clone.

"I have no time for this." The madman grunted as he focused on his primary objective. "I have to kill the priestess…"

"Do you know what I did with your brothers' bodies?" Shino's voice echoed through the area.

The assassin stopped instantly. It was a peculiar thing. When enraged, people always seemed to be more receptive and willing to stop and listen to things that would only further piss them off.

Try to say something that makes sense and calm them down?

Nope. They won't try to listen.

Give them a step by step runthrough of how you desecrated their loved one's corpses on the other hand…

Very slowly the sound of countless insects began to mute the background. "I could do nothing about the water user of course. His body was reduced to meaningless fluid before he was defeated… but the earth and wind users were quite helpful in my research. My friend gave me the body of that peculiar parasite that you are no doubt using to empower yourself with, however I decided that a more… complete analysis was required."

"You…" The discharging bolts of lightning and fire around the man increased in frequency and intensity.

"My insects are designed to consume chakra, however that does not mean that they are ill suited for material sustenance." Shino monologue further as the number of insects in the area grew more. "The wind user and the earth user's bodies were fully consumed and broken down within twenty minutes. I learned a lot doing that."

"I'm gonna kill you!" The chakra around the man had grown to unnatural levels, so much so that some people would even risk comparing it to that of a jinchuriki's. His rage had already overridden his initial task of killing the priestess.

But given what he had just encountered earlier that day, such paltry levels didn't even cause Shino to blink.

"You have my thanks." The bodiless voice evenly continued. "The peculiar parasites you use and the substances they produce have aided me greatly in the progression of my techniques, overcoming a roadblock that I had been dealing with for some time."

An ominous aura began to hover over the field of upturned stone and debris, potent and bizarre enough that even the madman was momentarily snapped out of his rage.

He could sense it. Beneath the ground, something tremendous was changing… growing… manifesting. It was not a feeling that belonged in battle… more of an idea intensified to the point that he could actually tell it was influencing the world around him instead of simply being a product of a jutsu.

For the span of a heartbeat, he froze. Whatever was beneath him was dangerous. Even with all the power at his disposal, he felt that this new… thing… was to its very core his natural enemy. He had to kill it before it killed him…

… No. He could not be killed. Not by a single shinobi. The idea was laughable… but what was beneath him could not be defined as the product of a single shinobi. It didn't even feel like the product of a human, but more like a mistake hidden in the one of the far reaches of the planet, evolved and twisted over time.

Before he could do anything about it though, the clouds of insects that had been perpetually streaming up into the sky dived at him, spiraling in every direction, clouding his eyes, deafening his ears, clogging his nose, and eating as much chakra as possible.

It lasted for five seconds before he regained his bearings and caused his power to flare. In an instant, the man erupted into a tremendous fireball that expanded outwards and incinerated any insect that had been unfortunate enough to be in its path.

"Show yourself!" It was clear that the assassin was growing more deranged with each second.

"… I'm beginning to suspect the reason why my clan decided to live in Konoha in the first place is so that they would drastically reduce the number of times that would happen." Shino appeared a good thirty meters to the man's right, standing as if nothing had happened with his hands in his pockets and surrounded by so many insects that his image seemed to fade in and out of reality. "It's incredibly annoying."

"Hah!" Flinging his tentacle appendages forward, the assassin channeled a tremendous amount of chakra into them, causing the limbs to writhe and glow irregularly until they each discharged a beam of elementally charged chakra right at the insect user. The user's aim was terrible, and the attack more akin to a shotgun blast of lasers than a cohesive focused attack…

However none could contest to the damage.

The entire area Shino had stood in was completely obliterated as the combined elemental attack surged forward, destroying his location and everything behind him for over a hundred meters. If Chouji had not already ruined their fighting grounds with his earlier attack, the landscape would have no doubt been obliterated.

However the buzzing did not stop.

"An impressive display of power, however I see little else to compliment." Shino's monotonous voice once more echoed about without a source.

A kunai flew through the air to the left of the increasingly frustrated man and struck the ground before him. The exploding tag attached to its handle went off on contact before the target could react, throwing him backwards among the debris. He wasn't hurt by the explosion with the power he was generating, however his pride, coordination, and grasp on the situation further deteriorated.

"I tend to prefer more efficient methods when possible." The voice continued. "It yields better results with less effort."

"Shut up!" A swipe of the warped limbs produced a tremendous wall of wind that knocked away every loose stone and flying insect in its path.

Ultimately, it accomplished nothing as the cloud of minute kikaichu seemed to only grow larger, blocking more and more of the landscape from the man…

… His mind and vision were blurred for a moment as he looked around. Wait. Where was the cliff? Where were the forests? The sun was still up so he should still be able to see everything without too much trouble but all he could see was an irregular black mist around him and the dimming sky above. Had there always been this many bugs before, or was there something else going on?

Deciding to take the risk, he unleashed another wave of wind in a seemingly random direction. The insects were blown away, showing the forest in the distance and… there.

Spouting from several small holes scattered across the ground were continuous black streams of insects rising to the sky. The Konoha shinobi must have used some sort of jutsu to turn this entire area into a nest of some sort to increase his advantage while he was trapped underground.

He clicked his teeth in annoyance. He had been duped so easily and now because of his temper he was stuck in the enemy's territory. He had not anticipated that one of their targets was capable of changing the landscape to his advantage so quickly like this. Even if he ran away and went after the priestess now, he'd be stuck fending off this tremendous cloud of insects and risk getting lost and blinded in the process. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed to take care of this annoying brat before he could do anything else.

First thing was obvious. He had to destroy the annoying next beneath him.

"Earth Style: Rupture!" He slammed his hands on the ground after a few hand seals, causing a small tremor to ripple beneath him. While the move was not that powerful by itself, the amount of chakra he had poured into it had expanded its area of effect to ridiculous proportions, causing massive fissures to appear all over for nearly two hundred meters in every direction. The large shifting in the earth greatly damaged the temporary hives made everywhere and reducing their respective outputs.

The assassin breathed heavily, but satisfied that he had dealt with one major headache. Soon he'd be done with this annoying kid and back to his mission. He didn't expect to have such a hard time dealing with this kid, and he was… still… breathing hard…

That little shit…

"Oh? You finally noticed?" Shino's voice seemed to mock from an unknown location. While he did have some sporadic kikaichu latched onto several parts of the enemy's body and draining him of chakra, even more of the man's power was being sapped simply by being within the cloud of insects itself without requiring any form of physical contact.

Hidden Art: Worldly Tithe.

Originally it had been an old technique in his family used to drain a large number of individuals over a wide area, but Shino had slightly modified it so that it could be theoretically used to deal with Naruto's Seventh Sense. Conveniently, said modifications had the side benefit of being able to siphon off the bursts of ambient chakra that were occasionally made by individuals channeling horrific levels of the stuff in their bodies.

However, in addition to the aforementioned alterations, Shino had gone a step further with his modifications…

"I would recommend you to surrender now that you realize your situation, however given what I know about your powers from your fallen brothers, I doubt that this is the limit of your abilities." Shino continued to taunt ambiently, not at all bothered by the fact that the hives generating a great deal of surplus insects for him had for the most part been wiped out.

They had served their purpose after all.

The Aburame's presence spiked once more, resonating among all of the insects he controlled just before they swarmed their single target in rings of black. It would do no good to have them all in one place. He would instead force his enemy to send out massive pulse after massive pulse of chakra in order to weaken and further frustrate him. The more chakra he used now, the easier he would be later on.

The clouds of presence enhanced insects seemed to act more as a natural phenomena more than a swarm of living beings as their target attempted to burn them away like before only to find at most a third of them dealt with. He must have put greater faith in his enhancements than he had assumed given his surprised and unnerved expression before being absolutely covered by countless exoskeletons to the point that it was difficult to even determine what the raging man's body shape was.

"Hmmm." Shino mused calmly, sitting on top of the peak of the altered cliff that Chouji had wrecked. The amount of chakra he had drained from his target was rather significant. Most shinobi would have been killed or at least crippled by this point, but his opponent was still going strong. He could only think of a handful of people that would be able to last this long under such conditions, and most of them were at the very least S ranked shinobi. True he was reallocating the energy into more suitable investments, however in all honesty it would be better if he wasn't forced to rely on such… experimental means.

But that wouldn't be any fun at all.

Of course, judging by how the chakra below him was rapidly increasing, he doubted that he would be left much choice.

The world below exploded once more as the former human's figure seemed to blow up with raw power. What once passed for a human was now an abomination. Standing at well over five meters tall and in nothing but torn up pants could only be described as an elemental goliath. His very body seemed to be nothing more than chunks of pulsing purple chunks of flesh held together by multicolored glowing cracks that radiated pure chakra where his tattoos had been. Each of the parasite heads that spouted from his warped arm was engulfed with one of the five basic elements, and every orifice of the monster's head seemed to be discharging a different element every half second.

In short, he was not fighting a human anymore, but a genuine monster.

"My insects can't even get close to him like this." The Aburame frowned as he made notes about his opponent's new condition. The amount of chakra he was absorbing from simply what it was leaking was already absurd, but the fact that he couldn't place more of his bugs on it was concerning.

His observations came to a screeching halt however as the thing turned to look directly at him despite being still in the middle of the storm of bugs.

"Shit."

It was only due to his training with Gai and Lee that he managed to get out of the way of the tremendous blast of raw power that annihilated the part of the cliff he was on when the goliath threw forward his slew of tentacle arms at him at once. The edge like protrusion that he had once been on no longer existed along with everything else in a ten meter radius.

He had run out of time. He couldn't afford to be lax anymore and be greedy draining chakra. He had already taken in more than enough to accomplish his goals, but wanted to see if he could get further without relying on his new but untested ace.

Running on the side of the cliff, the Aburame flew through the seals of his new technique and spiked his chakra and presence as high as he could. If all went well, he wouldn't need to bother about hiding or defending after this.

"GHUAAAAAAAAAA!" The monster honed in onto his target, finally having him within reach for the first time in the battle and charged forward though the clouds of insects there.

It was an unstoppable force of raw power. From Shino could tell in the brief moments before they met, it would take Chouji, Kiba, Lee, or Sakura at their very strongest to stop the thing in a direct confrontation.

He was not strong like Chouji, Kiba, Lee, or Sakura. He was not a genius like Shikamaru, Neji, Hinata, or Sasuke. He did not have outlandishly unique techniques like Tenten and Sai, or techniques that influence the mind like Kin and Ino, and he wasn't abnormally powerful like Naruto…

… But what he did have…

o. o. o.

Flashback:

"Ah. I figured as much."

Shino looked at Shadow skeptically as the woman sat back and looked at him with a hint of disappointment. "I don't understand what you mean."

The immortal shook her head. "Don't worry about it. It was a long shot anyways. I was just checking to see if you had even a hope of being similar to another bug user I met a while back. Damn strong one too. But, as I suspected, you ain't no Skitter. Actually you're closer in essence to the Zerg, which in my opinion is fucking hilarious because now I can call you a Zergling whenever I want. No no! Wait. _Overmind_ Shino! Mwahahaha!"

The Aburame rose an eyebrow skeptically, ignoring another one of the woman's detractions. "An insect user that even you considered powerful? How so?"

"Capable of controlling any number of insects. Capable of controlling any breed of insects. Capable of looking through the perspectives of all said insects. Capable of controlling literally all of their movements and actions at once perfectly…" The woman began to casually list off the reasons on her fingers. "Oh, and when fully unlocked, her powers expanded to enable her to control nearly anything within range that had a brain and multitask them as well, even through portals. Give her a powerful enough clairvoyant and a teleporter to work with and the girl could easily get enough power under her wing in a week to match some of the stronger Gods out there." She chuckled at a memory.

"That's… impressive." Shino couldn't help but attempt to contemplate just how powerful such a person could be from that description and once again realized that his sense of scale must be outrageously small compared to his teachers'.

"Hell, she once almost gave Scab a run for his money when they had a contest of who could better multitask. I'm talking billions of individual commands every millisecond here. Multiverse level synchronous processing. Starcraft players would sell their left nuts in a heartbeat to be able to pull that shit off." Shadow continued on. "I mean with Zuzushi and me, we just… command reality and it does the hard work for us. The results are already there and everything else falls in line. A mountain? An apocalypse? A new set of rules to the third mystic power that governs the realm of existence eight universes down that is completely dependent on hookers and potato salad? Sure. No problem. Actually building all of them up from scratch step by step though? Yeah, no thanks."

The teen shivered unconsciously. All things considered, the individual they were talking about sounded like a cross between a Yamanaka and an Aburame gone horribly wrong… much like Shadow's train of thought.

"But, no need to worry, since you will never compare to her Overmind Shino." Shadow casually brushed away the subject without a care, getting back to their original topic of conversation. "And that's because your powers don't originate from the "control" theme that hers' did. You follow your family's "symbiotic" one. Living and growing in harmony with them… and all that hippie crap."

"And how can I use that?" The teen continued. "I am well aware of many of my clan's techniques and capabilities, but I don't see how I can utilize them to keep with my friends and comrades. My taijutsu training is adequate; however it is not the ace I need to overcome our future challenges."

"Your taijutsu training meshes with your physical training which increases your chakra and stamina levels." The girl elaborated. "Meaning you will last longer in your fights to pull off fun gimmicks, and won't end up like those two gate guard guys in bed last night."

Shino blinked in surprise. "Come again?"

"That's what I asked after their first shots, but no those pussies couldn't even do that." The woman crossed her arms and pouted annoyed. "Like freaking fireworks those two. They're fun to watch for about five seconds and then pop, show's over. You'd think that they'd have some sort of trick or combo boost since they're always together but… but no. The only thing they doubled was the sad. Fuckers didn't even get close to getting me off."

"… I'm going to count to five, by which time I will have completely purged what you just said from my memory, and then we can get back to my problems. I am trusting you to not do such a thing to me ever again. EVER."

"That's a tall order…"

"Five years minimum. Final offer."

"Done."

Five seconds later:

"So about advancing my powers…"

"Huh? Oh yeah. That thing. Long story short, you're doing it wrong."

Shino would have expressed his annoyance by this point, but he had had too much experience dealing with the woman to surrender to his impulses just now. "Can you please be a bit more specific? What am I supposed to focus on? Power? Numbers? Control? Developing a new species?"

Shadow grinned. "Yes."

This time he did surrender to his impulses in the form of the tried and true facepalm. "You do realize that I am not all knowing, don't have centuries of life experiences to discern ambient hints, and lack the ability to make hundreds of shadow clones at once."

The woman rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Use your imagination kid. Your presence may be different than the norm, but it shouldn't be that hard to figure out. What's the single best way for a bug user to get numbers, improve his hives, develop his control, and discover new breeds of insects? All at once without diving head first into places no human would ever in their right mind visit without carrying their weight in antitoxins?"

The Aburame frowned at the woman skeptically as he pondered her question until he realized what she was saying. "… You mean to insinuate that my presence… that I should be focusing on…"

"Breeding and evolution. Or at least one of the infinite interpretations of it." The woman's grin grew slightly dark and her voice soft. "That's why I said you are doing it wrong boya. Shino Aburame is not a fighter. He is not a healer. He is not a taijutsu, ninjutsu, or genjutsu specialist, and he is not capable of fighting the monsters that he will soon come across."

o. o. o.

A small smirk appeared on the teen's face as he barely managed to avoid getting blasted by another tremendous beam of chakra, remembering what had began his unique path to power. Deciding that there was little to gain from where he was, he leapt off of the stone wall to avoid getting crushed by the Golem itself and plummeted to the ground.

"… _Instead, he is a living nest. An archive of insect genealogy and progress. A temple that all nests recognize and pay tribute to… an ultimately… like me…"_

After landing at the base of the cliff, Shino stood up defiantly in front of the tremendous monster in front of him. A taijutsu battle was pointless, and it would take far too long for him to absorb all of the chakra it was emitting, even if he had manifested a swarm of insects designed to sap as much power as possible. None of his normal techniques were strong or sturdy enough to defeat or defend against techniques of the scale he had just encountered, and there was no way he could run.

His pride wouldn't let him, and he probably wasn't fast enough to get away regardless.

A distance away from him, hidden from view inside the crater it had made in the cliff, the creature roared an incomprehensive sound that generated enough force to make him take a step back.

"… I never did give you my name, did I?" Shino muttered under his breath before slowly making seals and once more establishing his presence.

"… _Shino Aburame has no need to become or fight like a monster…"_

The crushed stone underneath the beast exploded violently as he kicked off of the wall and shot forward at his target with blinding speed. The fact that it had clipped some of the cliff in the process didn't impede its launch or trajectory in the slightest.

"Admittedly I am not in the Bingo Books yet, however I believe now is as good a time as any to tell others the title that woman… no, that God, gave me…"

Just as the creature came upon the Aburame, the world seemed to erupt into chaos. Irregular and unidentifiable screams of inhumane origin echoed and reverberated throughout the field. Dust and stone filled the air where the swarms of insects were not, hiding from the outside the source of this new form of destruction.

The goliath that had just moments earlier gone in for the kill had landed back where it had started just moments earlier with nothing to show for its efforts but a large bleeding gash that wept a lava like fluid, and several of its tentacle like appendages torn off and bleeding as well.

Whatever roar of pain and rage it had bellowed out however was absolutely drowned out by the wails and abnormal hisses that the culprits were making…

"… _Because he can make more of them than his enemies could ever imagine."_

Five tremendous summon sized insects were sticking out of the ground and the cliff side, with jagged mouths and razor sharp pincers that were at least three times as long as the average human male. Each one looked hungry. Each one looked violent…

And each one was sporting familiar looking tattoos and marking all over their bodies, in addition to discharging one of the five basic elements around its head or out of their mouths.

Shino stood casually on top of the reddish brown insect with dark purple markings, possessing glowing yellow eyes and the most savage and sharpest black tinted claws out of the group.

"When you meet the Shinigami… Tell him you lost to Genesis."

o. o. o.

Omake: Scab can get away with ANYTHING:

(A/N: I'm not racist, I've just been watching way too much South Park, Boondocks, and Mel Brooks lately. Also I'm a bit of a dick.)

The video turns on to reveal a familiar short man with dyed spiked green hair standing in front of a great view of Kumogakure.

"Hello. My name is Scabbard and welcome to another edition of people, cultures, and chaos. Today, we will be exploring the individuals of Kumogakure, how they interact, what not to do to piss them off, and what doesn't set them off."

"BEE!" A very angry Raikage roared in the background. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP SNEAKING THAT DAMN OOGAKARI INTO THE VILLAGE!?"

"OOGAKARI COMIN'! OOGAKARI COMIN'!"

"As you can see, there is an incredibly diverse population here, despite the general Asian based culture of this world, which often has a tendency to behave rather conservatively when directly confronted with different cultures. The land of lightning for example has a great deal of individuals with colored heritages, of which all their leaders, the Raikage descend from."

"No can do brotha! I still owe my man Scab a few more favas! The man's a rap god!"

"BEEEEEEE!"

"Now despite the differences in cultures, I have discovered that some of the colored individuals here in Kumogakure have a tendency of falling into tried and true habits that exist in many worlds. For example, as you can see behind me," Scab turns the camera to show the Raikage absolutely destroying his helpless brother. "The Raikage is currently in the throes of what is commonly known as a "Nigga Moment", where an otherwise upstanding rational thinking member of society and well behaved individual of colored heritage loses all form of self control, declining into impulsive self destructive behavior and crude dialogue."

"No brotha no! Not the face!"

"WHERE'S THAT ANNOYING HALF ASSED RAPPING NOW YA LITTLE PUNK ASS SHIT?!"

"As you can see, this is clearly not the first public occurrence of the Raikage experiencing a Nigga Moment as the local populace seems to be perfectly content on ignoring the spectacle. While normally those who experience such behavior tend to die off quickly, the Raikage's enhanced physical and political status enables him to be all but immune to the more common repercussions of these events. Otherwise known as death by stupid."

"NOOOO! NOT THE KUMO BOMB SPECIAL!"

The camera briefly pans over to where the elder of the two hoists the younger up into the air upside down into a power bomb hold and then leaps off of the ledge of the building they were standing on and out of view. Several seconds later a flash is shown originating from the edge before the screen shakes erratically and a loud explosion is heard in the distance.

"On a side note, when examining his brother, Bee Killer, it was initially assumed that he qualified as an "oreo" or black on the outside and white on the inside, due to his immensely poor ghetto imitation behavior. However upon further review, it was determined that Bee's insides could be classified as "white chocolate" due to his behavior when the situation is escalated. Plus he has a giant tentacle monster sea cow in him, so ultimately we really don't know what the fuck to call him." Scab had no remorse on his face in the slightest for what he had indirectly been responsible for.

"What the hell are you doing this time?" Yugito frowned as she walked onto the screen. From the tone of her voice, this clearly wasn't the first time the immortal had been responsible for some form of chaos in Kumo.

"And to my left is another one of the more peculiar denizens of Kumogakure, Yugito Nii, holder of the Two Tailed cat. As you can see, despite her clearly oriental heritage, she possesses natural blonde hair, an irregularity that is notably shared with those of the Yamanaka and Namikaze decent. Perhaps there is some connection."

"I'm right here. And no, I'm not related to either one of them."

"The world may never know."

"Now I know you're doing this on purpose."

"As you can see, like other individuals that fall into the category of "Cat Girls", Miss Nii displays her anger in multiple telling ways. Subconsciously turning her hands into claws. Having her hair stand more on end. Subtle growling. Having her left eye twitch."

"Keep talking you gnome. I'm going to enjoy burying you when you're done."

"And of course, the ever common spike in perspiration."

"WHAT?!"

"Thankfully this cat girl is an irregularity in that she is in greater control over her base instincts than the norm and is in full control of her speaking patterns, preventing the common slip of the sound "nya" into her dialogue. As such this reporter is in no danger of subconsciously blasting her into the stratosphere by reflex."

"How the hell do I smell?!"

"Oi oi. What's with the yelling?" Darui yawned as he and C walked into view.

"How fortunate, we now have with us two more notable members of the village, C and Darui." Scab took everything in stride with his monotonous voice. "C, outside of the fact that he too possesses blonde hair, is a textbook example of a "twinkie" or an individual who is "yellow on the outside and white on the inside". Indeed, according to our research so far, C seems to be in the running for the whitest bitch in the elemental nations."

A chart appeared from off screen.

"Where did he get that?"

"As you can see, to our estimates, C in terms of whiteness falls somewhere between "Ghost Of Christmas Past" white and "DAYUM THAT'S A WHITE ASS BITCH" white."

"Just ignore him C." The accused white ass bitch closed his eyes and muttered to himself. "You don't know what he's talking about. Just pretend he's crazy like the rest of them and you'll get through the day. Remember what happened the last time you tried to get him to shut up…"

He had no proof that Scab had been behind it, but regardless it had taken forever to get his personal records cleaned up and even then people in Kumo were wary of leaving him alone with young impressionable boys…

"Darui on the other hand, is a rare individual who is both powerful and not eccentric, a complete contrast to his "Black Panther" motif. Perhaps it has something to do with the scent of cannabis that is perpetually clinging to his clothes?"

"Darui. I thought we agreed that you would change your clothes whenever you went out." Yugito hissed.

"Hey I have to do something to chill when dealing with the boss and Bee every day." The black lightning user shrugged casually. "And it's not like you can talk Yugito. It's not hard to tell that you've been hitting the nip lately…"

"You swore you'd never speak of that in public!"

"Speaking of herbs. Scab, can you hit me up with some of that Pineapple Express you had last time? Raikage-sama forgot Mabui's birthday is tomorrow and I want to be deeper in the clouds than anyone in the village when that storm hits."

"Apparently our questions have been answered. The Black Panther enjoys puffing hitters while working high in the clouds when the big man fucks up." The immortal didn't look away from camera as his free hand went into his coat and took out a bag with at least ten ounces of weed in it and handed over to the silver haired man. Once the weed had exchanged owners, the pair engaged in a quick flurry of odd handshakes that clearly indicated some sort of relationship.

"What the hell was that?" C asked skeptically.

"Something you don't want to be a part of C." Darui yawned as he stashed away his lifeline.

"YOU!" Everyone turned around to see the Raikage stomping towards Scabbard in a blood rage, dragging his thoroughly pulped brother behind him. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY VILLAGE THIS TIME OOGAKARI?!"

"As you can see folks, the Raikage is still in the throes of his Nigga Moment." Scab spoke into his mike again. "Please keep in mind that Nigga Moments vary from individual to individual, and while most are brief, some people are known to have them last for impressively long periods of time."

"Hey. You know what the hell a Nigga Moment is?" Darui whispered to Yugito.

"Beat's me. Doubt I want to know though." The Jinchuriki whispered back.

"YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO ANSWER ME BEFORE I BEAT YOUR MIDGET ASS INTO THE EARTH AND PUNT YOU TO KONOHA!"

Scab simply stared at the man calmly before bringing the mike to his mouth again. "Breathe in deeply, remind yourself of all the times I have been here, and ask yourself this: Do you truly, honestly want to know the answer to that question?"

"YES!" The veins on the man's head were bulging out so much that they were at risk of exploding.

The immortal's expression didn't change as he continued to address the audience. "Note the prime example of refusing to be rationality in the Raikage as he continues to experience his Nigga Moment."

"TWO SECONDS!"

The shorter of the two reached for a pocket. "Viewers, please do keep in mind that this is otherwise a normal day in Kumogakure. I came to check up on my weapons sales here, make sure that subject Bee's and subject Darui's weapons were in ideal condition, and…" His hand came out of the pocket, revealing a silver linked necklace with what appeared to be seals inscribed onto them. "Since the timing was convenient, give the Raikage's secretary a birthday gift for her hard work in helping with managing the village's end of a trade deal we had established."

The world around them was dead silent as the largest man there stared at the necklace for several seconds, his face still scrunched up in rage and veins pulsing.

"See how bringing up the subject's mate and an event that he should have recalled seems to have an immediate effect on him despite the loss of rationality. Fascinating."

"FUCK!" The leader swore as the panic finally began to kick in. "I completely forgot! Darui! Why didn't you tell me!?"

"I thought you knew already." The perpetually stoned man shrugged without a care in the world, obviously lying.

"Now watch as I attempt to barter my way into the Raikage's good graces, offering him my gift to his mate as a tribute." Scab continued, twirling the jewelry he had made literally from scratch in about fifteen seconds on one finger.

"You! What's with the necklace?! What does it do?!" The leader ordered. He knew enough about the man that the gift he got his secretary was more than just simple metal.

"Said tribute is something put together in my spare time." Scab all but ignored the Raikage for his invisible viewers. "Silver. Platinum. Chakra metal. Seals that enhance mental clarity for time space jutsu like procedures…"

"How much?" At the very least, the Raikage realized that he would never be able to trump something like that. Not in a day.

"His interest is made known, but for the tribute, or for me to not give anything to his mate in general?"

"Both."

Everyone was turning their heads back and forth between the pair as they negotiated at lightning speed, despite the fact that Scab wasn't technically talking to the man literally twice his size.

"Why is Raikage-sama so desperate to get a gift for Mabui?" C asked Yugito confused.

"Last time he forgot her birthday, Mabui made it so that all his paperwork had to be done in triplicate. That was after she "accidentally" teleported all of his exercise equipment to the Sacred Turtle Island and mixed his protein drinks with hormone supplements."

"Oh dear heaven on earth that was her?"

"She was really pissed at him."

"Wait, that month when his chest was bigger was because of hormone supplements?" Darui blinked in confusion. "I thought he was just overdoing the pecks exercises."

"What about the crying?" C glanced at his friend.

"He has a stressful job and Bee's his brother." The swordsman shrugged. "I just assumed it had gotten to him. Plus Mabui wasn't letting him get any at the time so, yeah." It was pretty obvious that the Raikage had enemies that would fight dirty against him if needed, so his relationship with his secretary Mabui was publicly known as just professional, when in reality they could have gotten married years ago. The paranoia that made the tremendous man keep Bee in the village at all times was also what prevented him from taking that final step.

"If bro can't find his stones… he's gonna be boned… wheeee-eee-owww." Bee moaned in a puddle of blood off camera.

"Fine!" The Raikage relented to whatever Scab had asked for in return for the necklace before snatching it out of his hands. "You can have access to the civilian section! Just stop talking like that already!"

"And with negotiations done with the Alpha Nigga of Kumo, we end today's episode. This has been Scabbard Oogakari. I would like to confirm to our watchers and listeners that no niggas, brothers, haters or homies were harmed over the course of his documentary... Bee is in his own category."

"... Who the fuck is he talking to?" Darui asked C.

"No clue. I can't sense anything." The latter shook his head. "Why did he keep on calling Raikage-sama's freakout a "Nigga Moment"?"

The Raikage blinked at the conversation, no longer blind with rage. "What the hell's a nigga?"

Scab smiled, having caught the moment on camera. "And I just won another bet."

o. o. o.

A/N:

The ultimate form of necromancy and clearly the most racist thing I will ever write! And now you are stuck deciding whether to go out or read this monster chapter! The horror! Tis truly HALLOWEEEENNN!

Yep. I'm back working on Take Two! Shino's got time in the spotlight and soon we will get back to the REAL plot of the story! Rejoice!

Um… I'm kinda rushing this A/N for several reasons so I'm going to keep it quick!

Watch the Fate Stay Night Anime that just came out!

Update the TV tropes page!

Someone make some fanarts of the naruto characters in this fic and not the Oogakari… or have everyone on there!

I'm in Texas for another week cause work! The job sucks but the steak here kicks ass! AND THEY ADD BACON TO NEARLY EVERYTHING YOU ORDER!

RWBY!

DOOOM!

And that's it!

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! SHINO'S A DAMN MONSTER OF A BADASS FOR ONCE IN A FIC! AND REVIEW AGAIN DAMN IT!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Twelve: Anko never gets fat. She converts her excess calories into rage and the pain of her victims. You can tell when she burns off a load due to the sexy coating she gets in the afterglow.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

They all had their eyes open as they flew through the air towards where they sensed a clearly not human source of chakra steadily grow in power. None of them said a word to one another on the off chance that the minor distraction may cause them to miss something vital in the moments to come.

It had been nearly three hours since they had felt the Kyubi in the distance, exerting its presence on the world and causing enough chaos that they could actually see the explosions it made.

Three hours since the entire area suddenly flashed black for a moment for no reason at all.

Three hours since they began to worry that Naruto's luck had truly kicked in so hard that even he couldn't come out of it unscathed.

"There's fighting up ahead." Sasuke didn't so much as blink as his crimson eyes leered at the large mountain range a good hour's flight ahead of them where they could feel the demonic chakra growing.

Ino held back a pout as she focused in that direction, somewhat miffed that she, as the sensor, didn't pick it up first. "I'm feel some of our friends there too. Naruto must have found them on a mission. Lucky them. He's there… somewhere, but it's impossible to specify at this range with his power masking his location. Right now the one fighting closest to us is… Shino?" She blinked in surprise. "He's against something with a ridiculous amount of power too. And… Holy shit he's been holding out on us."

Kakashi glanced at the girl with both eyes. "Care to explain in detail? For those of us that aren't experienced sensors."

Sakura held back mentioning her lack of genetically enhanced organs.

The Yamanaka shook her head. "Let's put it this way. The guy he's fighting against now has enough power I'd almost compare him to a jinchuriki, but his chakra is unstable to the point that it's clear that he's on a temporary power-up and he's not on the level of the Akatsuki. I can say for certain, from all the way over here, that there is not a shot in hell that he's going to survive beyond the fight."

As if to enforce the girl's statement, a large explosion took place where the supposed fight was taking place.

"Let's go to Shino first." Sakura advised. "We know where he is exactly and he can give us more information on the situation before we try to get the drop on Naruto."

"What if he senses us and tries to run away again?" Ino asked skeptically.

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that too much." Kakashi eye smiled. "If Shino's there, then there's a high chance that Hinata's there, and since Naruto's still clearly in the area…"

"You do realize that by your logic, that means that we'll be stuck with trying to take the idiot away from her right?" Sasuke asked skeptically, suppressing the cold shiver of ominous fear that traveled down his spine. He may be one of the strongest shinobi in his generation, but Hinata… that girl was just plain scary when she wanted to be.

"Whatever you have planned for that, leave me out of it." Sakura frowned. "I'm assigning myself as the one that will keep you all alive once she is finished maiming you for whatever you do."

"One life threatening trial at a time Sasuke." The Scarecrow's demeanor didn't change one bit as he noticed several more explosions in the distance. "First we have to make sure that Naruto is still there when we catch up. Then we can worry about how to get him out of Hinata's grasp with everything intact before dragging him kicking and screaming back to Tsunade-sama."

"What makes you think we're going to leave him conscious?" Sasuke asked skeptically.

"I was speaking metaphorically of course. That fiasco in the Land of Moon happened when he was asleep. There's no telling what would come to pass if he's actually awake."

"Any bets that it's going to have something to do with that demonic chakra we're feeling from the mountain?" Sakura asked sarcastically.

"I thought we all assumed that much was a given." Ino curiously turned to her friend.

"Dare I ask how it could get worse than dealing with a primordial demon?" Sasuke smirked.

"I don't know." Kakashi shrugged. "Dealing with it _and_ Naruto inside a semi active volcano?"

The group was silent for several seconds before Kakashi's words finally registered with them.

"Dear log… what have I done?"

"Why Sensei?" Sakura looked at Kakashi with wide eyes of hurt and betrayal. "Why did you say such things?"

"I-I-I'm sorry." The significantly paler man fumbled over his words. "I didn't mean to... to…"

"Wonderful." Sasuke growled in anger and frustration. "We spent less than five minutes with a clone and already his stupidity has rubbed off on everyone. Tobimaru, fly as fast as you can while keeping us on. We're on the clock."

"Fly faster bird!" Ino shouted hysterically to Sasuke's significantly unsettled summon. "Fly faster damn it!"

o. o. o.

With Shino:

For a first batch of extremely temperamental experimental insects, Shino had to admit that he had done a pretty damn good job at breeding them. True they were a bit aggressive for his tastes and had all of the major flaws of any Kikaichu breed that grew to such proportions, but overall they were fulfilling their roles quite well.

"KYAAAAAAAASHHHHH!" The warped insect that had been bred with the water chakra strain of kikaichu hissed savagely as it spewed out a small tsunami of corrosive acid like fluid at his opponent. It appeared that the corrupted nature of the gel that he had analyzed and taken into his body had altered the creature's makeup a bit more than he had anticipated. This wasn't the first time this insect had unleashed its lethal payload, and from where he stood a good third of the upturned stones and dirt that had made up the battleground had dissolved into something that resembled primordial soup.

He had mixed feelings on the fact that the acid seemed to do little more than give his opponent minor chemical burns. On the one hand it meant that he would have to put more effort into taking the former human down and take longer to get to his friends in the temple…

On the other, it gave him more time to analyze and gather data on his newest creations.

The goliath charged through the corrosive torrent with little change in speed before swinging forward its tentacle appendages right at the human controlling the beasts, who was standing on the largest of the insects there.

The attack didn't get close, as the monstrous kikaichu that resembled a cross between a beetle and a praying mantis intercepted the attack and tore apart the fanged tentacles with impossible ease and lightning chakra enhanced scythe like claws.

Shino made note of the fact that the insect almost instantly began to groom itself and lick the blood of its target off of its claws as soon as the enemy began to retreat. Whether it was due to his insect's metabolism increasing its hunger or the fact that the blood likely contained the peculiar gel that he used to make them in the first place had yet to be determined.

"HAAAAAAAA!" The human like monster bellowed as it unleashed its chakra and regenerate its lost limbs. It had done so earlier to recover what it had lost during its first skirmish with the new threats and regained whatever it lost.

To most shinobi, an opponent that possessed enough chakra to regenerate lost limbs was a terrifying thing to go up against, and near impossible to deal with.

To Shino on the other hand, it meant little. While his enemy recovered, it would expel tremendous amounts of chakra into the air for his countless kikaichu surrounding the area to absorb and further support his abilities. So long as he was unharmed and had spare nests set up all over to produce more of his smaller insects, he could theoretically keep this up for as long as he wanted.

Another mindless roar accompanied by a tremendous spike in power made itself known as the monster prepared another blast of chakra that possessed all five elements. Normally such a thing would be near impossible to counter, especially with the amount of chakra behind the attack, however this battle was far from normal in any sense.

Two more insects came forward, standing next to the lightning mantis. One was a furry sort of ant with wings and the other was a more vicious carnivorous breed with red markings all over it. With a simple mental command, all three monstrosities reared back their heads simultaneously and unleashed a massive three element collaboration jutsu of wind, fire and lightning, just as the former human fired his technique.

Despite wearing sunglasses, Shino was temporarily blinded by the collision and intensities of the blasts, and would have been blown off his beetle mount had he not been using chakra to keep himself attached to its exoskeleton.

Even so, he was not unaware of what was going on. Using his connection to his smaller insects flying in every direction, he was capable of watching, albeit with some limitations, the battlefield from various angles. While his eyes had yet to fully recover, the senses of his familiars had fared far better, enabling him to see that his enemy's eyes and ears had fared no better than his.

The Aburame instantly decided to capitalize on this and sent a small swarm of his insects to assault his target's face to further add to the confusion and frustration. It was a somewhat crude but efficient tactic that his family employed that the Oogakari, as expected, supported without any hesitation.

In their words, strong or weak, it was fucking annoying when bugs wouldn't leave you alone. It was more annoying and distracting when they kept on going near extremely sensitive areas, mainly the eyes, nose and ears. Anyone that's been on a solid camping trip in the wilderness would be intimately familiar with this knowledge.

As it stood, Shino had the upper hand, but it could still go against him. The enemy still possessed an absurd amount of chakra and a body that handled most conventional techniques with ease. One on one, his enhanced insects would stand no chance against it, so he had to utilize their individual traits to his advantage in conjunction with the millions of insects he had invested a good deal of chakra into making earlier to turn the battlefield to his advantage.

In short, Shino was having more trouble maintaining control over the insects he had made than actually fighting the enemy.

"GWAAAAAA!" A large spike in chakra was felt, occupying more of his senses. Essentially the madman reacted as well as anyone else in that situation and wasted a good deal of chakra to get rid of a minor annoyance.

"HSSSSHHHHAAAAAHH!" The lightning mantis beetle rushed forward with its claws extended, moving at a speed that far surpassed what should have been possible for something of its size.

Shino frowned. It had moved without his command. He could tell that while he was still somewhat in control over its actions, the primary force driving its and its sibling's actions was the insatiable hunger that plagued their instincts, the desire to feed and maintain the irrationally fast metabolism that all kikaichu possessed.

He didn't so much as blink as the ravaging lightning mantis attempted to tear apart into its meal, rich and full of chakra, but was instead blown away as its prey proved to be far stronger than it had anticipated. Despite being insane with power, the monster had once been a shinobi and still possessed the instincts and movements of one, obtained from years if not decades of training. Unlike the previous times, the creature no longer had the element of surprise on its side, and as such the five meter tall goliath, only about a third of its opponent's size, had no issue jumping above the offending scythe like appendages at the last moment and punching the creature's head so hard that it was reduced to a wet mulch instantly.

An instant later the entire area was immolated by another combination of wind and fire. Not as destructive as when lightning had been added, but still highly powerful.

Regrettably, it did not seem to be enough to deter the target as it leapt out of the conflagration. The attacks did seem to be doing some damage, as Shino spied multiple burns and cuts on the monster's abnormal body, but not enough to impede its rampage as it charged at his position with murder in its glowing eyes.

A silent command later had his water element insect spewing webs and acid in equal amounts at the oncoming bomb, the fire and wind element insects having temporarily exhausted themselves from the rapid fire collaboration techniques. Unfortunately it did little to slow the monster down as it whipped its tentacle appendages around with abnormal force to knock away nearly every attack that would have hit.

This pattern didn't change in the slightest up until the monster landed flat on the body of the fire kikaichu, crushing it nearly in half and enveloping nearly everything around it in a great ball of fire, including the wind element insect that had been right next to it.

"He must have ruptured its glands." Shino grimaced as he shielded his face from the explosion that was far closer than he would have liked. "I didn't think that they would be so volatile…"

"GUUUUAAAGHHH!" The earth element kikaichu that Shino had been standing on the entire time, which seemed to heavily resemble a rhinoceros beetle with about three times as many horns, five times as many teeth, and a thicker shell in addition to the markings it possessed, reared back on its lower extremities. The largest of the mutant beetles stood up so tall that its horns nearly reached the height of the cliff next to them… before falling back to the ground and slamming its claws onto the punished earth and made the local environment shake as if it was in fear of its might.

As if triggering a trap, the beast's impact seemed to force the ground beneath the immense flames to cave downward almost instantly, creating a tremendous sand pit that dragged everything down once caught. The acid, corrosive slop, flames, and corpses of the maker's siblings were no exception as they all dropped down into the pit before slowly being sucked under.

If that was not enough, the water element insect added to the chaos, spewing more acid into the pit to all but ensure that whatever fell in would not get out in the same condition, if at all.

It wasn't long though until the Aburame noticed his water element minion began to twitch erratically, and the fluids it was spitting out begin to take on a thicker shade of green.

"So it's already reached its limit…" He muttered, noting that the creature he was standing on appeared to still be doing well. "I suspected continuous use of chakra would accelerate things, however for the line to already be met is somewhat disappointing…"

A tremendous beam of raw power erupted from the pit and absolutely obliterated the water monstrosity. Shino's mount managed to get out of the way in time, however its movements were a tad bit more sluggish than what it had displayed before.

Looking up, the teen saw that his enemy had once again launched itself up into the air with murder on its mind. Its body now covered in enough injuries, cuts, burns, and melted skin that the initial impression of unrelenting power and indestructibility it had earlier was no more, however it did not alter the mad aura of power that could be felt from where he was standing.

He gave no sign of hesitation or fear as he commanded his insect he was on to intercept the oncoming monster with its massive horns as he leapt backwards and away from the chaos. Just as he landed on the dry ground, he watched as his beetle rushed forward to ram its prey back into the pit it had made, only for its head, front claws, and horns to be entwined in the dozens of tentacle like appendages the creature had. His beetle, clearly tripped by the unexpected maneuver but carrying far more inertia than its prey, skidded forward while pushing its target back just enough that they both fell into the sand and acid pit in a mix of savage inhumane cries.

Knowing better than to risk going to the edge of the depression to watch the two tear one another to pieces, Shino instead utilized the smaller insects flying everywhere to witness the carnage while backing up so that he wouldn't get injured if…

A kaleidoscope of light shot into the air before splitting into individual missiles of every basic chakra element and carpet bombed the entire battleground.

What little that hadn't been crushed, burned, melted, buried, eaten, or just otherwise simply destroyed had been wiped out in a series of cataclysmic explosions that left everything from the cliff to the forests completely destroyed and caused a good portion of the rock wall to collapse as well.

Outside the buzzing of erratic insects, there was not a sound to be heard for almost a full minute before the goliath like former human burst out of the ground, panting heavily. Its body now possessed a good deal of deep gouges in addition to the burns and other injuries it had accumulated earlier. Glowing red blood like magma fell from its body, steaming as it met the air and hissing as it fell to the ground.

"Hah. Hah." It spat out blood and phlegm, gasping for air to keep its body moving. It had used up more chakra than it had intended for just one shinobi. The damn bugs that the boy had made had proven to be a bigger pain in the ass to deal with than he had assumed. If he didn't hurry, the priestess would make it to the temple before he caught up with her… and he had sworn to take out as many of her allies as possible. To be brought this low by just one annoying boy…

All that power, wasted. Absorbed, unleashed, and thrown away to take out that frustrating child. His masters would not be pleased once he returned… _if_ he returned. Even with his mind as fogged as it was from the drugs and his very being been changed, he was still intelligent enough to know that his days were numbered.

A short distance away he spied the source of his frustration and anger lying on the ground and half buried by rubble. He saw breathing, but whether or not he was conscious was up in the air.

An instant later one of the viper like limbs that replaced his arm had shot out and crushed the boy's neck.

The instant after that the boy's body scattered into hundreds of those annoying smaller insects.

"I see even in your current state you weren't foolish enough to believe it was that easy."

The former human didn't even bother looking before launching himself at the source of his rage and frustration, his thoughts already clouded once more in the haze of fury that his new state left him constantly in. In just a fraction of a second he was more than halfway towards tearing the bloody brat to pieces.

The child had no hope of surviving. He was simply standing there with his hands in his pockets and standing in a way that would take him too long to get anywhere. His body's chakra was stable and showed no hint of irregularity, indicating that he was the real thing.

And then the ground in between them exploded. A savage carapace covered horn hammered his stomach, near spearing him through and launching him back into a shallow puddle of acid, making the damage far more significant and lasting in the process.

Pain filled his very existence. All the wounds he had accumulated so far had amounted to little more than an itch that permeated his entire body. The chemicals that fueled his life had doped him to the point he should have felt little outside the crushed bodies of his victims as he murdered them… even his transformation and the limbs that had been torn off of his body caused him little discomfort as the raw power that flooded his existence all but numbed his nerves. But now… now the drugs and power seemed to be wearing off as the chakra in his body was rapidly sapped and used up in this state.

The massive hole in his chest though was a new factor, and one that he couldn't simply brush away. He could feel his essence and power leaving him as the lava like blood that ran through his veins flooded out of him.

It was only after he had taken the first few gaps of air and the blindness of pain left his eyes that the former human managed to see what had hit him…

And for the first time, he had felt fear from something else that was not related to his Master.

"You didn't think I had only prepared one set for this fight, did you?"

Fifteen.

_FIFTEEN_ of the monstrosities were picking themselves out of the ground all around him, hissing and clicking relentlessly as if they were demons about to wreak havoc on the world. Three sets of the five elements. Three times the number of things he had to deal with just now…

"I must thank you." The demon child stated in the same emotionless voice he had been using the entire time. "Had you not been exerting and wasting so much chakra for the entire fight, I never would have been able to accumulate enough power to nurture and produce this many specimens. They require quite a large amount of chakra to develop to full maturity, especially in such a short frame of time."

The boy's words enraged him. He couldn't comprehend all of it now. He was too blind with power to do so, but he understood the general message. The boy was insulting him, his power, the very gift his masters had entrusted him with to kill their enemies… and claiming it was what led to his defeat…

A loud hiss from one of the mass produced water insects caused his head to snap to the source and make him take a step away.

"Oh? How interesting. It seems you are not too mad to understand your situation…" Shino raised an eyebrow.

The goliath turned to the boy with enraged eyes. He would not fail. He would not perish like this. He would-

It didn't even have a reasonable opportunity to gather chakra to attack before it was bombarded with attacks of nearly every element from every angle. As powerful and sturdy as it was, even the colossus was incapable of attacking under such an onslaught.

Jumping off of the beetle that he had been on, Shino gave one last command to his small army of monsters. It was a simple thought combined with the image of his downed and injured opponent, but one that would spell the end of the fight.

" _Food."_

The Aburame didn't bother to pay attention to the chaos that took place behind him. He didn't make note of the horrendous screams of inhuman creatures tearing at one another limb to limb, or the fact that in a desperate gambit the prey had attempted to blow itself and everything around it to pieces before it was interrupted by being torn in half by one of the wind element and lightning element insects.

Instead he merely dissolved into a cloud of standard kikaichu before putting himself back together on the hawk that had been watching the last two minutes from above.

"I must admit, I did not expect for any backup to arrive." The Aburame stated stoically to his friends as they watched the bloodbath below.

"And we didn't expect you to be able to produce your own army of mutant summon grade monster bugs." Ino winced as she felt the last bit of the former human's life get snuffed as its head was consumed by an earth insect. "Don't take this the wrong way Shino, but you really jumped a few dozen levels on the creepy as fuck meter with this stunt."

"Should we be worried about those things being left alone?" Sakura looked at them with concern. "If they somehow manage to breed or get out into the public…"

"There is no need for concern Sakura." Shino placated her and ignored Ino. "Kikaichu naturally have a lifespan of only a few hours due to their high metabolism, and these breeds are still experimental. Due to their unstable nature and irregular size, their lifespan once awakened from their incubation state is still extremely short. They will literally fall apart and have their organs fail on them in roughly five minutes. Ten at the very most."

"Only five minutes? That's a pretty risky thing to devote so much chakra to." Kakashi mused as he inspected the monsters below fighting for the scraps of their prey. He had seen worse before.

"I have enough chakra to manifest three of them before passing out at the most. I produced this many only thanks to my opponent possessing and wasting immense amounts of chakra which I siphoned for my strategy. As it stands their current use is more applicable for deterring large numbers than single targets. I simply set things up so that my opponent wouldn't leave the area." Shino admitted without shame and shifted his glasses to reflect the evening sun. "I only just managed to achieve this strand recently. You could consider the ones below you as prototypes of what will eventually come."

"Careful Shino. For a moment there I could have sworn I saw Orochimaru's ghost hovering over you." Sasuke seemingly deadpanned, but Sakura could tell he was more uncomfortable than he let on. After their encounter in the Forest of Death against the Sanin, the Uchiha had developed a subconscious aversion to the mad scientist types.

After dealing with Scab for several years, he additionally developed a conscious aversion to mad scientist types.

"Don't be ridiculous Sasuke. I don't condone human experimentation." Shino shifted his glasses again. "However, I do condone experimenting on the lifeless and already altered bodies of my enemies for personal benefits."

"Please tell me you're joking." Sakura's face turned a shade of green.

"I don't know what's harder to believe. This or Shino with a dark sense of humor." Ino matched Sakura's expression.

"Again. _Orochimaru_." Sasuke stressed his point.

"Well done. Well done indeed." Kakashi nodded at the teen in approval, clearly not at all fazed by the conversation.

"It helps that the lifeless bodies of my enemies that I bother to experiment on were already tweaked and mutated in abnormal ways by their own hands." The Aburame shrugged carelessly, milking the situation for all it was worth. This would teach them to ignore him and cut him off all the damn time. "How else do you assume I managed to come up with those?"

"GYAAAAA!"

"HIISSSHHHAAAAHH!"

"Right. Ok. So in short, if Shino comes up with more insults against nature, it's only because he killed the person that originally did it. That totally makes things fair and not at all less terrifying and creepy and fucked up and twisted and who the hell is that idiot?" Ino's growing sarcasm infused rant about how wrong Shino's abilities and hobbies was instantly cut short as she sensed something that wasn't an abomination stagger out of the forest onto the battlefield.

"Who to the what now?" Kakashi blinked and glanced down at where Ino was looking to see what appeared to be a civilian bowman stumble onto the battlefield loudly and attract the attention of nearly every monstrosity there.

"You'd think he'd be smart enough to not walk out into the open when he heard the damn things…" Sasuke sighed and reached for his sword. He didn't know who the hell the moron was, but if word got out that Konoha shinobi allowed such things to eat civilians then their rep would take a massive hit. Plus Tsunade would probably beat the living hell out of them in anger too.

"You'd think. That's Taruho, the chief aid to my client, Shion-sama. He takes his duty to her very seriously… unfortunately it tends to make him miss the obvious at times." Shino sighed as he began to flip through several seals just as the first monstrosity began to charge forward to consume the new meal. It was too late for the Aburame to regain control over the insects that had allowed their instincts to take over, so he regretfully had to rely on a fallback that every member of his clan was taught at an early age. "Hidden Art: Cull."

At once, every one of the fifteen titans collapsed onto the ground and stopped moving.

"A safety jutsu?" Sakura blinked in surprise.

"Huh, I forgot that one existed. It's not often that someone actually needs to use it in the field." Kakashi tilted his head in curiosity before elaborating. "Something his clan came up with in case they encountered a jutsu that drove their kikaichu irrevocably out of control while inside their bodies. Obviously it's a last resort, but if I remember correctly it's something that is taught to every clan member at an early age."

"Its existence is also a heavily guarded secret for obvious reasons." The Aburame frowned at the silver haired man. He wasn't that surprised that the man knew of the technique given that he had connections to pretty much every family in Konoha, but he was irritated that his teacher had given away a clan secret so casually. True, the move was only applicable to the user's kikaichu, but that didn't mean that someone could possibly reverse engineer it to take out someone else's insects further down the line in a worst case scenario…

Especially since _that_ particular technique actually did exist, and was only taught to the Aburame clan head.

Instantly Ino, Sakura, and Sasuke nodded in understanding what was unsaid. They were to pretend that the jutsu didn't exist, even when asked. Clan secrets were after all a highly sensitive subject among shinobi.

"Speaking of your client, I take it she's has something to do with that demonic power we've been feeling nearby?" Sasuke asked skeptically.

"She's a priestess tasked to keep a demon known as Moryo sealed in two locations, one for the body, one for the soul…"

"And obviously some idiot got the wonderful idea of trying to resurrect it." Ino shook her head. "What is it with people trying to control demons? That never works!"

"Naruto." Sasuke pointed out skeptically.

"That's not controlling. That's mutually assured chaos, suffering, and amusement, and you damn well know that." The blonde argued firmly.

"Speaking of chaos in a can, Shino, I believe it's safe to assume that our favorite jinx is with your team?" Kakashi asked as if talking about the weather.

"If you mean sleeping deep enough that he hasn't waken for nearly a day, transformed into a fox kit, and firmly in Hinata's… unyielding grasp, then yes." Shino replied without shame.

"Oh hell, as if our job couldn't get any more suicidal." Sakura shook her head in defeat. She had known that Naruto would eventually find a way to turn into a fox, just as she had known that the instant Hinata saw such a thing the girl would murder anything that would attempt to get in between the two.

Sasuke silently agreed. Personally he felt that trying to fight his brother would have been a safer and more reasonable task to achieve than ripping a fox Naruto out of Hinata's possession.

"Now now. We were tasked to return with Naruto. There's no reason why we can't have a bit of extra help in the task to make things easier for everyone." Kakashi placated his team before turning back to the Aburame. "I hope that there were no extreme complications this time?"

Shino remained quiet as he recalled his encounter with the other out worlders and the woman that was on the Oogakari's shit list. "… Extreme is a rather limited word…"

"Log damn it Naruto what did you do this time?" Sakura placed her face into her hands. It was hard to tell if she was crying or not.

"I swear it's like he's _trying_ to make up for when he was gone!" Ino on the other hand made no attempt to hide her tears of frustration. "First Uzushio, then Moon country, _again,_ now this?"

"Wait, what?" Shino blanched at hearing that his friend had already gotten himself into tremendous amounts of trouble before meeting up with the group.

"I think it's best if we wait and get back to Konoha before we start informing everyone of our latest installment of "Missions and international events that Naruto's royally fucked up." Sasuke frowned. "You're still in the middle of one, correct?"

The insect user paused for a moment before nodding shallowly and dispersing into a cloud of his familiars. Mere moments later he had rematerialized himself just a few meters behind the disoriented and disturbed Taruho, who was still on the ground in shock from nearly being eaten by the small army of big bugs.

"You know, most people would try to avoid locations where the sounds of large ravenous creatures are coming from." His dry remark seemed to snap his fellow teenager out of his funk.

"Wh-what the… when did… where is…" The young man fumbled over his words. "How did you stop those things?"

"Easily." Shino stoically replied, enjoying the response he got. "They were mine after all."

"Y-yours?! Those THINGS are YOURS?!" The idea that such monstrosities were created by an ally did not give the civilian a good image of the Konoha shinobi.

"Were mine. They're dead now." He corrected the statement in the same even tone as always as if it was childishly obvious. "The increased size does not prevent the twitching that you see, so please ignore any…"

He had to stop talking as drunkenly moving water insect stumbled madly in their direction in a blind and hungry rage before collapsing to the ground, courtesy of Sasuke landing flat on its head and skewering its brain and skull with his elementally changed and elongated sword.

"… I was bored." The Uchiha nonchalantly dismissed any accusations as he withdrew his blade and began to clean it. "I've been riding on my hawk tailing Naruto all week and needed to kill something."

"I thought you said it was dead!" Taruho accused Shino.

"Apparently not dead enough." The Aburame frowned as he inspected the other insects to be sure that he didn't miss anything. He could get pissed off at Sasuke making his new ace in the hole look like a minor annoyance later. He had been certain that he had killed all of them with his technique, but somehow this new strain seemed to have a greater resistance against his influence than he had initially thought. He would have to be careful when experimenting with this breed in the future.

The civilian shook his head, clearly trying to regain what sanity he had just lost in the past thirty seconds. "Never mind that! What happened to Shion-sama? I heard a bunch of explosions and made my way here when I came across these… things!" He paused and turned to the newcomer Uchiha and the hawk that was making its way to ground level. "And who are these people?"

"Shion-sama is with the rest of my team completing their mission." Shino replied evenly. "A powerful enemy appeared here and I offered to stay behind to address it."

"Bullshit." Ino muttered to Sakura as she inspected the insects with a critical eye. Oddly enough, the titan's bodies were starting to melt and decompose already from the potent and corrosive fluids that lingered in their frames. "You could tell that he just wanted to show off and go nuts with these things. Shino always does this whenever he wants to stick out. He probably forced the rest of the guys to go on ahead just so he could take this guy alone."

"Oh be nice Ino. Let him have his fun." Sakura chided her friend. "You know he means well. Besides it's not like you're much better."

"At least I'm not creepy as fuck when I do it." The blonde hissed back while watching the carcasses slowly melt in front of her. "Seriously, what the hell did he do to make these things?!"

"Not creepy as fuck?" Sakura's face was one of disbelief. "You're the Smiling Witch! You've stated that you are proud of being the most terrifying female in our group behind Hinata!"

"Different kind of creepy!" Ino argued. "I'm hot when I do it! Not twisted nightmare inducing horror movie creepy!"

"Tell that to all the unfortunate souls that you tortured and interrogated that." The medic rolled her eyes.

Kakashi simply pretended the world didn't exist as he continued to read his latest book.

"I see." Taruho's demeanor slightly relaxed at Shino's comment, out of earshot of bickering kunoichi. "So she is still being protected by the majority of your team. That's good. Then that means there's still a hope that she can prevent Moryo from being resurrected."

Sasuke turned to Shino. "Hey. Is Moryo that demon we've been sensing ever since we've gotten close to this mountain?"

The Aburame nodded. "Yes."

"You do realize he just jinxed it right?"

"Yes." Shino repeated his previous action perfectly.

As if on cue, an ominous corrupted power seemed to erupt from the mountain and wash over all of them, making the air harder to breathe.

"N-No…" Taruho stammered as an echoing roar and malicious laughter was heard in the distance. "He's awake…"

The five shinobi there on the other hand, didn't so much as flinch. They had experienced far worse.

"Hey. You want a lift?" Sasuke didn't turn away from the Aburame and nodded to his hawk.

"Yes." The bug user enjoyed his conversations with Sasuke. They tended to be incredibly simple and straightforward.

o. o. o.

Several minutes earlier with Hinata's team:

"Do… do they think that we're stupid?" Tenten asked, somewhat baffled by what she was seeing.

"No clue." Chouji shrugged, not at all taking the sight in front of them as personally as his teammate.

"I mean seriously. Only an idiot would completely miss and not suspect this!" Tenten continued.

Naruto, a certified former idiot, sneezed in his sleep.

"We are in a bit of a rush." Shion looked away innocently, knowing that said former idiot did in fact overlook what they were seeing the first time around. "Maybe they were counting on that."

"Priestess, in our job, even if we are in a rush to do something, we don't overlook potential lethal traps." Tenten deadpanned, not bothering to look at the girl she was carrying in exchange for paying attention to the hundred some odd pillars of seemingly innocent stone situated in front of the entrance to the temple containing Moryo's body. "Especially when they're _this_ painfully obvious."

"Are there really traps in those things Hinata?" Chouji asked skeptically.

The Hyuuga sighed, sharing similar feelings to Tenten but not voicing them out loud. "Yes. There's one of those clay solders in each of them."

"Please tell me they were smart enough to place some sort of trap on the walls and cliff around the entrance so we couldn't just wall walk around them." Tenten covered her eyes with a hand in shame.

"No. No. We pretty much just go right around them and into the temple." The Hyuuga shook her head, embarrassed that they were having so much trouble earlier with their enemies. Apparently traps were not their specialty.

"Why are you complaining?" Shion looked at the shinobi with confusion. "Shouldn't you be glad that they are making it this easy?"

"It's not so much that as it is that the world is supposedly in danger from idiots that can't think ahead." Tenten elaborated with more than a hint of dejection in her voice. "Really kills your faith in humanity and motivation to go on when you think about it."

"We're trying to prevent Armageddon!" The priestess argued rationally.

"Armageddon. End of humanity. Apocalypse. New World Order. We really have to do something to nip more of these situations in the bud before they actually become a problem." The Faker sighed, her mood not improving in the slightest. "I mean how many things are there in this world that can cause this sort of thing to happen? I mean there's the biju, then there's Akatsuki, then there's those other random demons that show up now and then, then there was that holy sword event in Iron that my team had to deal with a year ago, and every year there's another dozen ancient temples found containing some sort of forbidden jutsu or monster that's supposed to be sealed away instead of you know… destroyed. And don't forget those ruins that screw with the planet's leylines…"

"Yeah, the more I think about it, the more you'd think that shinobi were around not to protect the clans and the lands but to make sure that the world doesn't end for one reason or another." Chouji mused curiously. "Makes you wonder how we've lasted so long in the first place without screwing up."

Shion had the courtesy of trying to appear as if she didn't know that such a thing had already passed.

"Probably because the idiots that try to pull them off _can't plan for shit!_ " Tenten yelled out the last of her statement, clearly intending for said culprits to hear her.

"Is she always like this?" Shion looked at Chouji worriedly.

"Only when she feels that her intelligence is being insulted or she's being underestimated." The Akimichi shrugged. "Her main team is a bit… eccentric at times so most of her patience is used up on them. It's gotten to the point that she's a saint when she's with them, but has near zero tolerance with near anything when she's away from them. And given what we just had to deal with earlier…"

"Come on." Hinata sighed as she began to walk up the nearby cliff face that would lead them right to the entrance to the temple without having to fight. "We might as well get this over with."

"Yeah yeah." Tenten agreed sullenly as she and Chouji followed her team leader without any trouble.

It was slightly uncomfortable to do so while carrying Shion, but within three minutes it didn't matter as they had bypassed the poorly hidden trap and were walking through the caves that would lead them to Moryo's body.

The immense cavern was glowing in an ominous way as the lava slowly turning under the lattice of stone paths radiated their deadly heat. The air inside was stagnant with the fumes the liquid stone gave off, making it difficult to breathe and uncomfortable simply just being there. Indeed, most normal humans would likely have passed out from the pressure and heat after just a few minutes in such an environment.

"And we're now in a volcano. Nice." Tenten's sarcasm jumped up a few ranks in addition to her twitching eyebrow.

Naruto sneezed and unconsciously grumbled in agreement. The fumes and heat did his nose and fur encased body no favors as he attempted to shift around and find a cooler position.

"You know they probably sealed the giant demon's body here to deter people from coming in the first place." Chouji argued.

"If someone was genuinely trying to resurrect a world conquering demon with sufficient resources and power… then logic would point out that anyone actually capable of doing so wouldn't give a damn about being in a volcano where there are completely safe paths to the body!" The albino snapped. "Ninja! Remember?! Elemental manipulation is as common as kunai to half of us! Getting to that shrine over there is as easy as jumping from branch to branch!"

"Ah Priestess. So good of you to-" The possessed and clearly nearly dead shinobi doctor attempted to greet Shion, only to be cut off.

"You be quiet! I'm not done being overwhelmingly pissed yet!" Tenten pointed at him accusingly.

"Sorry. We've had a long day and she hasn't been taking it that well." Chouji semi bowed apologetically.

"Why are you apologizing?" Shion asked him incredulously.

"You'd be surprised the difference between dealing a demon that genuinely wants to murder you and one that simply finds you simply amusing is like right off the bat." Hinata sighed, already having spoken to the Kyubi on several occasions.

"You know you are wasting valuable time shinobi." Yomi frowned, his voice travelling over the large distance between the groups with ease. "If the priestess doesn't hurry, Moryo-sama will break through the barrier…"

"Like hell it is!" Tenten snapped. "You got through the one sealing the demon's soul just fine! There's no reason why the one here is any different! You're just trying to lure her there so that you can kill her at point blank range when you resurrect the demon so she can't seal you away again!"

Shion blinked several times before slapping herself on the forehead for falling for such an obvious trap and the signs leading up to it the last time around.

"Yeah she does this a lot when she gets frustrated." Chouji apologized again.

"I have two teachers that are complete polar opposites. One's an exercise taijutsu nut and the other is the most analytical nihilistic asshole on the planet that thrives on the misery of others." The angry teen growled. "I have developed the ability spot stupid and idiotic flaws from a mile away… and it haunts me relentlessly."

"Well that might explain _some_ of Scab-sensei's behavior." Hinata absently mused.

"Humph." Yomi grunted in annoyance. "I supposed I had underestimated your guard's ability to see the obvious priestess… no matter though. I do not have to trick you to come here if I can simply force you."

As if on cue, several hollow stone footsteps were heard from every angle as Moryo's clay servants seemed to appear from nowhere, approaching the group from both the caves in great numbers and from the paths over the lava in front of them.

Tenten simply grit her teeth. "Chouji… please… before I burst a vein…"

The Akimichi looked at his teammate and sighed. "Fine fine."

The next five seconds were occupied by the largest teen making some seals and collapsing the cave behind them on top of the clay puppets.

The following ten were of him enlarging one of his arms and painfully slowly pushing all of the soldiers in front of them off the walkways and into the lava below with childish ease.

Both parties stared at one another in uncomfortable silence.

"How the hell did this idiot nearly take over the world?" Tenten cried into her hands.

"Well… he did make a lot of soldiers." Shion laughed nervously. "From what I read they simply kept on attacking cities without end until they fell, making larger settlements near impossible to establish or maintain while he was running rampant. He managed to overrun most of the normal armies in the world before my ancestor sealed him away using this strategy."

"Quantity over quality in this case I guess." Hinata sighed.

" _ **It also helps that the weakling avoided me and my siblings like the plague. He might have almost taken over the human world, but the world in general? Not likely."**_ Kurama snorted to Hinata telepathically. _**"He talks big, but the fool knows his place."**_

" _Zzzzz. Snarf snarf."_ Naruto snored.

" _ **Yomi."**_ Moryo growled to the human that had helped him get this far. The mad doctor who had cut himself open to house the spirit lurched, feeling his very existence nearly burst apart from the chaotic rage it was containing. _**"Open the seal. Now."**_

The demand was akin to telling the man to kill himself in cold blood, yet he complied without hesitation. Ordering the parasitic worm like monstrosities inside of his body to inject him with as much corrupted chakra as possible, the man utilized the last of his reserves and strength in his already dead body to stand up and rapidly perform the technique that would break the seal in front of him and-

Thunk.

His body staggered as an arrow pierced his right shoulder. It would have gone through his heart, however the corrupted, demon-controled power enveloping him had deflected it at the last possible moment.

The culprit clicked her teeth in annoyance. She had been waiting for the idiot to turn around to rush in opening the seal and leave himself wide open since the very beginning of her ranting.

After all, what was the point in developing the ability to see the faults in everyone and everything if you weren't able to exploit it?

"Oh come on." Tenten grumbled as she readied another materialized arrow for her bow, from nearly a hundred meters away. " _Now_ they start to think ahead?"

"Hurry! At this rate Moryo's going to awaken!" Shion began to panic. As confident as she was that they were going to win, she'd much rather be victorious without going face to face with a giant demon hydra and take the cheap and easy way out.

One giant abomination of destruction was enough for today, thank you very much.

By the time Shion's plea finished leaving her mouth though, Tenten had already unleashed a good dozen more arrows from her bow and the number was climbing rapidly. Her target, although radiating with power, was still clearly limited in the ability to move so aiming was not an issue.

Unfortunately, without the element of surprise her goal turned out to be out of reach with her current armaments as the arrows moving faster than what most humans could follow were deflected away just before they met their marks by the living aura surrounding the target.

"Tenten…" Hinata frowned as she watched the last of the seals being formed with her dojutsu.

The Faker's steel grey eyes narrowed in annoyance at the situation. She would have used one of the stronger arrows at her disposal, but those took time to set up. Hell, it was impressive that the monster was deflecting her normal arrows since they had enough impact power behind each one to counter most lower ranked projectile ninjutsu when she was boosting them with her presence.

If she had to rush things though…

"Fuck it." She muttered. Instead of producing another generic, albeit sturdy arrow copy, she tapped a seal hidden on her clothes and grabbed the arrow covered in seals that popped out an instant later.

"Fuck it?" Chouji whimpered nervously.

"Fuck it?" Shion blinked in confusion.

"Oh boy." Hinata winced. Nothing safe ever happened whenever someone in their group said those forbidden words. She had already begun to move to the center of her team and prepared herself for whatever may be needed in the seconds to come.

Tenten on the other hand didn't seem to notice her comrade's reaction to her words in the slightest as the seals on her arrow began to glow with chakra, signifying that they were primed and ready to go off with the absurd amount of chakra that had been stored in them over the course of three days.

It was a last resort tool she had made in the situation where she was unnaturally low on power and needed a strong long range attack available… or when she was short on time and needed that extra umph fast.

"Fuck it."

The arrow was unleashed just as Yomi finished his last agonizing seal. Just a moment later the entire shrine in the center of the dormant volcano was enveloped in a massive explosion that splashed stone and lava in every direction.

"Kaiten!" Hinata had been prepared for this though as she forced chakra through every pore in her body and spun it around her team through pure control and power. Her training using and analyzing Rasengan over the years had enhanced her stores and control greatly to the point that much like Naruto she could manipulate her raw chakra outside her body. Of course she was not a sage and her power barely lasted more than a few seconds by itself, however it was more than enough to achieve some astounding feats such as this one.

The backlash barely lasted more than ten seconds, long enough for them to temporarily lose their bearings and observer more than a few flying globs of lava almost kill them had Hinata not put up her defenses.

The upturned debris did not unfortunately, prevent them from witnessing the massive black ethereal hydra emerge from the center of the explosion.

"Damn it. I hate it when fuck it doesn't work." Tenten grumbled under her breath as she readied herself to produce whatever solid defense she would need on the fly.

"Dare I ask why?" Shion asked hesitantly. Even from a good distance away she could not help but shiver at the sight of the monstrosity that had killed her mother and nearly taken over the world.

"Because things tend to go to shit whenever it doesn't." Chouji grumbled as he stepped forward. A glimpse to his two female teammates was all he needed to convey what he was planning to the others.

" **How unfortunate."** The demon Moryo chuckled confidently as if he had already won the fight. He did not bother to look for its dead follower's body. He had witnessed it being blown into the lava by the archer's attack just before he had managed to merge with his body. **"I had tried to be merciful priestess, and kill you with as little pain as possible, but your attendants had to be the obnoxious pests that they are. Now I am afraid you will have to suffer if you continue your futile resistance."**

"Can you get any more textbook? I swear it's like he copied it word for word." Tenten muttered under her breath.

"The guy's been locked away for decades at a time at least." Chouji's lips twitched in amusement. "You can't possibly expect him to come up with new material do you?"

"Shion-sama." Hinata didn't look back as she focused all of her attention on the monster in front of her. "We may be at odds with one another, however I give you my word that no harm will come to you."

The white haired girl looked at the team leader before smiling softly and turning to Moryo. "I'm afraid I must decline your offer Moryo-san. As generous as you are being…" Her eyes took on a kaleidoscopic image that indicated the use of her power. "… I don't see why I should take it when things are in my favor."

All of the demon's eyes narrowed at the obvious slight the girl had made. **"You have made a poor choice child. Like mother like daughter I suppose. Her decision has locked her soul here with me forever more, did you know that? And now she will watch helplessly as I kill you and retake the world for myself with my army!"**

Naruto whined out and rubbed his head deeper into Hinata's chest as if to bury his head and mute the noise that was being made.

Hinata noticed.

As if to emphasize his declaration, one of the hydra's heads opened its massive mouth and gathered an absurd amount of power much like Kurama did earlier with his tails before unleashing it as a black beam at them…

… Only to be smashed to the side, barehanded, by Hinata. The girl did not even bother to turn and watch as the attack she had deflected pierced into the semi solid stone walls behind her, causing everything to momentarily shake before once more returning to its ominous and stagnant calm.

"Uh oh." Tenten grinned knowingly. "I was wondering when she was going to make her appearance."

"She knocked it away with only that much effort?" Chouji shook his head. "I'm beginning to think that the story of him nearly taking over the world really was a stretch of the truth."

"With her… bare hands?" Shion blinked owlishly at the Hyuuga standing in front of her. It took the priestess a few moments to get over the shock of what had just happened before she realized something important.

Hinata was glowing.

Not in the standard sense as if she was radiating light or power, or as if she had an aura of energy around her. No, instead the noble teen seemed to act as a pure white core of sorts that made her simply stand out more than anything else there. Had Shion been able to see the front of the shinobi, she would have seen that Hinata's milky white pupils seemed to exemplify that even further, shining with enough intensity to appear to be composed of some pure stone or material that she had never seen the like of befo-

… No… that would have been a lie. She _had_ seen something that shone with such intensity before, but she simply couldn't figure out what.

"If you would be so kind as to be a bit more quiet." The Princess stated calmly and diplomatically. "Some of us here are trying to sleep."

All of the Hydra's eyes were just as open as Shion's as it inspected this new player with greater interest and intensity. **"You… have mastered your significance?"**

The demon's words echoed through the volcano ominously, as if even it had trouble comprehending what it had just said.

" **Astounding… I did not think it was possible, yet a human, a child at that has managed to master all that they are…"** The demon continued as one head moved closer to inspect Hinata, only to flinch as said child's piercing eyes glared at it directly. **"Yes, it makes sense now. No wonder Yomi's subordinates could do little to stop you."**

Hinata didn't move or react as one of the heads moved closer to her slowly. Even if the entire creature's body was covered in black fire, it was impossible to miss the look of absolute curiosity on its face.

" **Tell me child, perhaps you can answer me this. Why is the world heavier than it once was?"**

The Hyuuga frowned. "Heavier? I am afraid I do not understand your question."

" **Hmm. Yes, if you were around after such a change then indeed this question would not make sense."** The head nodded as if it recognized its own mistake. **"Us greater demons, while we are not as sensitive to the lesser world like those of your size, we are a good deal more in tune with the world at large. We are aware if something has happened to it that would affect it as a whole."** The head slowly pulled back. **"As man grew more prominent and devoured more of the world's beauty, my kind came to realize that the world was slowly becoming "less". It was a subtle thing that took us millennia to determine, but the results were undeniable, as the change accelerated as more of your kind came to be. It is that realization and knowledge that drives many of us to suppress or eradicate your kind on instinct."**

"Wonderful." Tenten grumbled. "So he's using the excuse that he's doing everyone a _favor_ by taking over the world because humanity is screwing everything up. Like I haven't heard that one before."

" **Do not mock me worm. I do not wish to obliterate humanity."** The black hydra growled. **"I wish to make its power** _ **mine.**_ **"**

"… Well that's new." Chouji admitted honestly. "Never heard of someone trying to take over humanity to _use_ humanity before."

" **As great as we demons are, even the nine great siblings, it would be impossible for us to achieve what you humans have done over such a short period. To weaken the great earth itself… such a feat could only belong to only the greatest of powers. Humanity truly is an entity that cannot be underestimated. Should I possess such potential, truly nothing would be able to usurp my conquest and rule…**

"… **And yet the world is heavier than it was before my resealing but a decade ago. It is** _ **more**_ **than it once was, and humanity is thriving more than ever."** It leered at Hinata once more. **"And in front of me is a human child that has mastered all that she is, was, and possibly be. This cannot be a mere coincidence. So tell me, how did you come across your potential? Who or what is responsible for this change, and entered this world?"**

Hinata matched the demon's gaze with her own. "And what would you do with such information? If such a thing is capable of adding to the world despite humanity being here, the latter of which you yourself has admitted to achieving something that would otherwise be impossible… would that not mean that this mystery force would be something that should easily surpass yours? If that is so… then ultimately, I believe the logical option would be to side myself with the greater power, would it not?"

The beast's eyes narrowed with obvious anger. **"True, but they are not here are they?"**

"Yes, but neither is anything that is a genuine threat." Hinata's tone was just as menacing as the demon's.

" **I see that even if you have mastered yourself, you are still no wiser than the rest of your kin…"** All of the heads of the hydra opened their mouths and began to charge their own beams of power. **"… a pity."**

"Chouji, get ready." Tenten took a step towards Shion and got ready to move just as Hinata took a jyuken stance.

"Oh man, this is really going to suck." The Akimichi took a defensive stance of his own, but it did nothing to hide the shit eating grin on his face.

" **If you will not give me what I desire then die with the priestess!"** An onslaught of chakra empowered beams tore through the volcanic air, igniting the volatile gasses that they encountered on their way towards the single location at once.

Hinata responded by deepening both her stance and her Presence. Beneath her, the metaphorical symbol that appeared during the execution of her family's techniques manifested… and swung as if on a hinge until it was standing vertically in front of the Hyuuga and the oncoming attack.

In an instant, she snapped into a single blur of motion that unleashed just as many powerful beams of power as her opponent, each one passing through a key point in the altered image that was a staple to her family arts.

Utilizing the standard and often practiced 64 palms strike as a base, the girl had created a new ranged technique that could overwhelm nearly any opponent in terms of power and intensity. Every strike was its own blast. Every strike was enough to punch through a fortified wall. Every strike was a brilliantly blinding white beam of light.

"Eight Trigrams: Twilight!"

The attacks of black and white hammered one another inside the volcano and caused chaos in their wake. Neither assault gaining on the other before rupturing their entire payload in midair and making the environment shake relentlessly.

And then a giant dark skinned Chouji charged through the airborne debris right at the demon, emulating the imposing black titan that seemed to constantly overshadow him.

Every thunderous step he took crushed the seemingly tiny stone paths beneath him, and even though a good portion of each of his feet were immersed in molten lava, his stone like layering and his immense presence all but denying any portion of his body or clothing from getting burned, or even harmed.

Why should the lava here harm him? He was the Mountain King, and a volcano was nothing more than a mountain with an extra feature. Even in the center of such unrelenting environments, he would not be harmed. This was his domain and his will was law.

" **This one as well?!"** Moryo snarled in surprise and rage at the boy's display just before he crashed into the demon and nearly caused an earthquake.

"Ho man. If we aren't careful we really might make this place go off." Tenten laughed in a way that clearly did nothing to hide her fear of that actually happening. A moment later she grabbed Shion's arm and pulled her out of the way of a large boulder that had dislodged itself from the stone cavern above due to all the shaking. "Tch. At this rate I'll be too busy keeping you alive to get a solid shot in."

"Get a good shot in?" Shion blanched as she watched the two colossi practically tear one another apart in the lava. "How could you even get a shot in that in the first place?!"

"With lots of patience, explosives, and exploiting Chouji's fear of me blowing him up again." The Faker dryly retorted as she nudged her charge to the side to avoid a stray glob of lava. "Hey Hinata, you ok? That move still takes a lot out of you. Neji's still bitching about how it makes his hands bleed every time he tries it."

The Princess breathed out heavily as the aura around her dimmed some. "I keep telling him he needs to widen the tenketsu on his hands more before attempting to do Twilight but he never listens…"

"Eh, that's not the problem from what he's told me." Tenten shrugged. "Something about how your presence condenses your power more than his does."

The cavern shook again as Chouji and the many headed hydra wrestled in the lava. The Akimichi was doing pretty well from where the girls were standing. They saw him rip off at least three heads with a single swing of his arm, however his progress seemed to be slow as many of his limbs were slowly being ensnared by even more serpent like heads.

"If only I could sell tickets for this." Tenten muttered absently, momentarily revealing some of Scabs corruption.

"As amusing as this may be for you, you have to help him." Shion grunted as she was pushed away from some more flying molten debris. She was getting really tired of being pushed and pulled like a toy.

"Why? What's wrong?" Hinata asked in all seriousness as she focused on her charge and the battle with her dojutsu. From what she could tell, Chouji was doing pretty well as he crushed a couple of more heads in his fists.

"There's a reason why Moryo almost took over the world even when he's weaker than the Bijuu." The Priestess stressed. "While his army did overwhelm most of the human armies he came across, the reason why it took so long for HIM to be defeated was because he is near impossible to take down. He isn't as strong as the biju but his regeneration abilities are near limitless."

Tenten blinked a few times before face palming. "Of course. What sort of world ending monster would he be without broken recovery abilities? Why the hell did we forget that?"

"That does explain why he was sealed away rather than killed…" Hinata frowned as her hand lashed out to knock away a small boulder that nearly crushed her. She completely ignored the fact that if a normal human attempted such a thing, their hand would be crushed due to the simple difference in mass… just before the person himself would end up getting crushed. "How do we deal with him then? Is there a limit to how much he can regenerate?"

"If there is one, we never found out." Shion frowned and slapped Tenten's hands away to prevent the girl from jerking her in another direction. Just as a particularly nasty jagged piece of stone would have pierced the left side of her face, it collided with an invisible barrier made by the priestess herself. "And if you don't mind, I believe I am capable enough to keep myself safe from a few flying stones, thank you very much."

"Why the hell didn't you do that earlier!?" Tenten snapped, admonishing the girl as if she was Lee.

"Well excuse me for not having absurd shinobi reaction times and being distracted by that!" The other albino yelled back while pointing at Chouji wrestle what now looked like a giant slew of black fanged tentacles. "Not everyone with powers has military training and conditioning you know!"

"Focus! Chouji can't hold him back much longer!" Hinata snapped, getting the two to stop arguing. "Shion-sama. You know our opponent the best. What are our options to defeat him?"

"Other than sacrificing myself to seal him away again?" The only non shinobi rose an eyebrow skeptically before her face became more stoic. To her credit, she did avoid looking at Naruto as she contemplated her options. "… I'm not sure to be honest. My chakra, my lineage's chakra, is incredibly effective against him and can probably negate his healing, but I'm not strong enough to actually harm him directly and I don't have any techniques that can. Unless you have some way to channel my power into your techniques I'm not sure if that can help…"

"Gah!" Chouji shouted in pain as he was bitten for what seemed like the hundredth time. While his body was tremendous and as hard as stone, his opponent was not particularly weak either. For every four or five bites that were stopped by his tough hide, one managed to break through, and unfortunately for the Akimichi the numbers weren't on his side. "A little help would be nice guys!"

"Channeling someone else's chakra?" Tenten winced. "That's more theoretical than anything else. Not up my alley." She looked at Hinata skeptically for a few moments before at Chouji before once more at Shion. "You sure you won't get killed by a falling rock if I leave you alone?"

"Unless the entire volcano collapses on us or erupts I'll be fine now." Shion replied confidently, which was somewhat impressive because she really couldn't be sure in reality. She was miles stronger than she once was… but this was a massive battle inside a volcano of all damn things. Her word could only go so far. At the very least, she wouldn't get offed by a flying rock now.

"Right. We'll work on your bluffing later." Tenten wasn't fooled in the slightest before turning to Hinata. "I'll try out some of my more exotic tricks and see if they work. I'll trust you to pull off the Naruto grade shenanigans to save the day."

" _Zzzz Ain't no party like a Naruto party cuz a Naruto party don't stop zzzzzzzz…"_

"Wait what are you…" Shion blinked in confusion at Tenten's quick statement, but she had already been too late as the Faker had already left, leaping from rock to rock while occasionally firing off a random sword or other bladed weapon that materialized above her. Each tool impacted an individual head of the rampaging hydra and either blew up spectacularly or did something else of equal wonder, such as freezing it into a block of solid ice or frying it with a blinding flash of electricity.

"Shion-sama, focus on me." Hinata grabbed the girl's hands, instantly distracting her from the fighting. "I know you are busy with your barriers, but I need you to follow my instructions. Tenten spoke the truth when she said that channeling someone else's chakra was difficult, but due to my bloodline and training, I am fortunately one of the few people that is capable of such a thing to a degree. Normally such a technique is used for medicinal purposes and dangerous to use for battle but we do not have much of an option at this point."

BOOM!

A large explosion followed by a loud hiss of pain and rage momentarily stole both girls' attention as they turned to see Chouji taking a few steps back from the writhing beast which seemed to have been hit with something powerful if the burns and the angry roars were anything to go by. Now that they had a good unobstructed view of the monster and its wounds, they could see it regrowing flesh and heads from the steaming stumps and burns it was sporting.

"It didn't work." The giant teen grunted to the bow wielding girl on that shoulder.

"No shit it didn't work." Said archer grunted. "It should have worked, it was a holy sword for fucks sake, but of course we aren't that lucky."

"Don't you have anything stronger?" He glanced at her.

"Yeah, except most of them would set off the damn volcano before we could get out." Tenten frowned as she quickly went over her vast arsenal inside her being. The only flaw that she found with her power was that while she _knew_ what each and every weapon she had did and could make them in an instant, actually _knowing_ _what_ she needed was a completely different story, especially if she was looking for something vague. "Regeneration, regeneration… fuck I know I have something that's good against freaks like this somewhere…"

"Yeah well until you do keep helping me out." Her ride hissed as he shifted to one side. One of his legs had been bitten a few times too many for his liking. In front of him, dozens of heads were already starting to coil themselves, ready to strike once more. "Break's over."

" **How annoying. Who knew that mortal weapons of such nature existed? Even more for there to be a human archive of the tools of war…"** The demon growled as it looked at Tenten. **"It should have been natural that if two of you were aware of your nature, the others would as well. I will not make such an oversight a second time…"**

Roaring heads and lighting fast blades tore at one another relentlessly as the battle resumed with renewed ferocity, causing the volcano to shake once more.

"We don't have much time." Hinata snapped the priestess back to the shinobi in front of her. "While Tenten and Chouji distract Moryo, I need you to do exactly as I say. Don't question me. We need to be as quick as possible."

"R-right." The albino nodded shakily. The previous battle with the demon had not been nearly as wild and chaotic as this one. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she had nearly sealed him away last time and he had possibly wasted his energy trying to break her down inside his body.

Taking the girl's hands in each of her own, Hinata breathed deeply and calmly. "Ok. Please, try to relax begin channeling your chakra to my hands. Slowly at first. Match your breathing to mine. Try to align your chakra to mine as well if you can. If you feel my chakra, let it flow into you as well. Don't fight it…"

While Shion didn't know the exact mechanics of what Hinata was trying to do, the priestess was familiar with channeling chakra and meditation to a somewhat extensive degree. It was of course difficult to block out the world and focus with two giants fighting a short distance away, but she managed to make due as she slowly managed to do as the Hyuuga asked and matched their breathing patterns.

Inhale.

She had managed to block out the insufferable heat and the occasional speck of dust that brushed against her porcelain skin. As she did so, she felt her hands tingle as she focused chakra into them and felt something irregular interacting with it.

Exhale.

Breathing had become slightly easier. No, it was more that she managed to force her body to ignore the dust and fumes that occupied the area. She could feel the difference in Hinata's chakra and hers now, and was left somewhat ashamed.

The Hyuuga's power was similar to her own, white and pure, but at its very core something completely different. While Shion's was considered "holy", Hinata's was… primal, and basic, possibly even more pure than her own, but less suited for battling Moryo and other existences of the like.

The fact that her rival had way more power than she did didn't help things either. She knew that there was going to be a large difference but… not to that large of an extent.

Inhale.

She was no longer distracted by the tremors of the fighting nearby. One of the hydra's heads had taken notice of them and had tried to take them out, but was speared by one of Tenten's projectiles and nailed down into the lava below before it likely knew what hit it.

Shion could feel Hinata's chakra trying to match up to her own. The ordeal was made easier due to their similar natures, but it was still an incredibly difficult task to perform, especially in this situation and when their reserves were just so off balance. Perhaps if Shion had more training in power and control it would make things easier, but it was pointless to dwell on such possibilities now.

As it stood, Shion did manage to slowly adjust herself and her power to meet as seamlessly to Hinata's as possible.

Exhale.

Chouji was screaming as one of the heads managed to launch a blast of Chakra point blank and tore at his side, causing him to fall back as his legs were entwined by half a dozen more serpent like limbs. It wasn't a lethal blow, but it did need to be looked at as soon as possible, and it would affect his battle capabilities for the remainder of the fight.

On his shoulder, Tenten seemed to be fighting back with even more gusto, impaling head after head with a myrad of exotic weapons that the world had never seen the like of. Unfortunately, like nearly any other hydra worth noting, for every head she took out there always seemed to be two more ready to take its place.

Shion could see 'Hinata' from just her chakra now, but even more surprising was that she could now see the fox in the girl's chest too. Somehow Naruto had been unconsciously synchronizing himself with her rival for whoever knows how long, and somehow it was… perfect.

While nothing seemed to be exchanged from their connection, Shion could none the less feel the flawless flow of chakra from one body to the other, empowering and stabilizing one another without any effort even as Shion's energy were still somewhat erratically thrown into the mix.

And the _power_ …

Shion had always known that Naruto was strong. He had after all beaten Moryo last time around, and she had witnessed, albeit from a distance, his increase in strength when he fought in the chunin exams, but now?

She honestly had trouble believing that there was any individual on the planet that possessed more chakra than him. In her chakra possessed state, he appeared to be nothing more than a compressed super storm in the shape of a fox. Even as his chakra interacted with both of the girls', it didn't so much as alter in the slightest, instead taking in what it was exposed to and adding to the silent and calm chaos that it contained.

If asked to describe it in one word, Shion could only describe it as beautiful in a way that only such raw force could achieve.

And then, she was cut off from that addicting sight.

The abrupt return of her numbed senses combined with the removal of the ones she had just obtained had clearly disoriented her for a few moments as she attempted to make sense of the world around her once more.

In the distance, two gigantic figures were verified first, having taken up the most of her vision. One was the writhing ebony mess of heads and necks that was Moryo, while the other was the enlarged Akimichi, who was simultaneously crushing three necks in one hand while using them to pull himself back up.

A steady stream of flashes of light coming from the giant human indicated that Tenten was still relentlessly bombarding the hydra with her weapons, but in her current state Shion couldn't make the girl out in the chaos.

However the most peculiar thing about the situation was that, if she was seeing things correctly, most of the serpentine heads and Chouji were actually looking in her direction…

No. That wasn't right. They weren't looking at her. They were looking at the Hyuuga girl standing a bit to the side on top of a clearly dead hydra head with a white palm resting calmly on its skull.

It did not twitch. It did not recover. It did not regenerate.

"It isn't as much as I wanted…" The shinobi muttered as she took note of how many serpents were moving in a way that clearly indicated that they were aiming for her. Slowly standing up, she made notes of how far she was from the demon's body and how many heads were after her. "… but I suppose I will have to make due."

" **You…"** Moryo's voice echoed with quiet rage inside the volcano. **"You will pay for that, girl."**

Hinata didn't bother to reply as she simply stood at the center of everyone's attention, her presence once again making her stand out more than anything else there…

… And then from Shion's perspective… she vanished.

With a deafening roar, the infinite headed demon seemed to take the girl's movement as a personal challenge and seemed to at will spawn a tsunami's worth of new heads to bombard the rapidly moving girl. Clearly her speed was not enough to render herself invisible to him.

A third of the heads occupied themselves with dealing with Chouji and Tenten, who while still fighting were steadily retreating lest they risk the giant's wounds getting worse.

A third of them struck forward to stop the first real threat to their existence that had appeared since they had returned again to the world.

And the final third was charging up for a carpet bombing of pure corrupted power.

Beam after beam assaulted the battleground so frequently that Shion's barrier was constantly holding off a literal rain of lava sent her way. The only way the priestess knew that the Hyuuga still lived was simply because the earth shattering attacks weren't stopping yet, and when they did stop it was simply because the girl had gotten in range of the heads that were charging at her…

They should have just kept on blasting.

Hinata was nothing more than a dancing blur of death as she seemed to teleport from stone to stone. That was until the first batch of draconic heads came nearby and were promptly sliced to pieces by the thin chakra strings that she temporarily made from her fingers for but a few moments at a time…

Then she was jumping between stones and mutilated hydra limbs.

It didn't seem to matter how the heads attacked. In groups, in sweeping motions, from multiple angles… the girl seemed to manage to find the smallest opening in the attack pattern to get out of without even looking and counterattacked at the same time, leaving both a trail of bloody demon behind her and the limp necks of dead demons in front of her to give her more places to run on, and it didn't take long for everyone to notice that they weren't getting back up.

Likewise, it didn't take long for the humans to notice the remaining heads getting more restless and frantic in their attempts to get rid of the girl.

" **Damn you! How can you channel the priestess' power?!"** The Hydra roared as its remaining head began to strike out faster and more erratically than before, making them near impossible to keep track of. In some situations the attack of one head wounded another in a desperate attempt to get the girl… and eventually it worked.

Even as fast as she was, Hinata was not able to keep up with the irregular attacks as she barely managed to avoid getting pierced or eaten while tearing apart anything that got near her. Eventually she had slipped up when two limbs that were swinging at her, one vertically and another horizontal, hit one another just before they reached her and altered their attacks in just the right way to finally make contact.

With a heavy thud her body was hammered and thrown away by a lucky head from the demon's body and into an area where there was more lava then stone footing.

"Hinata-san!" Shion shouted in alarm as the Hyuuga seemed to make a beeline for the molten stone, and very likely her death.

"Tch." The Princess clicked her tongue in annoyance. The blow dealt to her did little damage, she had managed to throw up a solid layer of chakra as a quick defense just before contact, but had done its job of throwing her away from her target. Realizing that she was making a beeline towards a rather painful death, she straightened out her body in midair, spiked her presence…

And slammed her feet onto the molten lava without a moment's hesitation.

She did not burn. She did not die. She didn't even so much as tan.

Being able to do such a thing, to will oneself to ignore rules and facts of reality utilizing their existence alone was a sign of an experienced user of a strong presence.

All in all it was to be expected. The girl after all did have the potential to have a greater presence than Naruto himself.

"I love chakra control."

Naruto sneezed in agreement unconsciously.

Before anyone else could comprehend what she had just did, the girl once again vanished. The only thing Shion could see from her perspective that revealed where the girl had been was the myriad of thin lines of lava that jumped up from the pools that reminded her of the trails that ice skaters made behind them on the frozen lakes near her compound, zigzagging across the red burning fluid erratically and rapidly getting closer to the demon like an invisible omen.

" **Fall already!"** Moryo's clearly annoyed and frustrated voice caused the immense cavern to rumble and shake as much as the fighting had been. **"It does not matter if you have mastered your essence or not! You are still nothing but pitiful minor humans, meager existences that pale in comparison to mine!"**

Instead of a standard pinpoint type of energy blast, several of the heads managed to hold their charges and waste a good portion of the area that Hinata was in, moving their malformed heads as they unleashed their payloads in an attempt to get rid of what they deemed as their greatest threat. As a result, waves upon waves of the molten stone was sent in every direction, and drops of crimson liquid sprayed everywhere like fireworks.

The surges were mitigated thanks to the elevated stone paths that littered the caverns, but the flying projectiles had no such interference. Chouji winced as he was peppered by the debris, his presence, earth techniques, and size made them nothing more than stray embers to him… but even normal people don't react well to getting showered by burning debris, even briefly. Plus they weren't doing his wounds any favors. Tenten, still on her significantly larger friend, went for a more practical, albeit mean solution, and hid behind said friend's head essentially avoiding any risk to herself while still trying to impale as many hydra heads as possible. Shion was perfectly fine as the lava simply bounced or flopped onto her powerful barriers, leaving her completely unharmed.

As for Hinata, she was simply weaving in between the exploding waves, using the motions of the crimson lake below her to rapidly close in onto her target without so much as a flinch. Much like the priestess, she was using chakra to protect herself from the flying bits of molten stone that she encountered.

While she was invisible to Shion, to those with faster reaction times and eyes, the Hyuuga was nothing more than a trail of black and white streaking across the glowing lava at painfully erratic speeds, making it all but impossible to pin her down or nail her with one of the half a dozen beams of power mangling the unstable environment.

And then, just as she had almost reached the base of the monster's body, she vanished and reappeared above, halfway to the top of the immense cavern. It was an immense distance to travel in an instant, let alone straight up, so much so that Shion honestly believed that Hinata was capable of flight for a few moments…

Only a few moments however, as something appeared before her… something she was very familiar with…

"Rasengan!" Hinata shouted as she poured an absurd amount of chakra into the ball she formed below her, making it grow to proportions that eerily matched the one that defeated Moryo's previous iteration, and glowing with a faint pink aura that indicated the presence of Shion's power in it…

But… but even after looking at it, Shion knew… it wouldn't be enough.

Her power was there, however it did not possess nearly a high enough concentration to put down the demon. Maybe if Hinata had done it right after they had synchronized, but now…

Moryo seemed to have seen this as well as the heads that weren't occupied with Tenten and Chouji roared in insulted rage.

" **How DARE YOU! You truly think that such a pale imitation is enough to defeat ME?!"**

Now, it should be known that in most cases where humans fight giant monsters, there was a bit of a misconception taking place. Most of the time, when such events happen, the humans, or the lesser fighters, were under the impression that the giant monster was fighting at the full of their power, that they were using the most of their abilities to kill the obstacles in their way.

They were wrong. Dead wrong.

Imagine for a moment a super powered human fighting a powerful insect, or rodent. The rodent, or rodents, have the potential to eventually kill the human, but should the human truly use the bulk of their powers on a rodent of all things… well, that would just be odd for a good number of reasons. Most powerful entities had at least put in some effort into gaining the status that they have, and as a result were minimalist by nature. Using their full powers on such a small foe would, to them, be akin to utilizing a shotgun to kill a fly, so they by nature held back.

As a result, the odds of the rodent coming out of the event alive, or successful in its attempts, rises drastically.

Any sentient existence put in the "greater" being's shoes naturally tends to make this… not mistake, but general assumption. Demons, the ones that aren't mad beasts at least, are no exception.

However, like most sentient existences, Moryo also has a limit to his patience.

In the previous timeline, he was defeated by either Shion sacrificing herself to seal him from the inside out when he had almost absorbed her, which was the path taken when Naruto was killed, or by Naruto utilizing a Rasengan saturated with the girl's power at point blank range before he could react properly.

It should also be noted that in the latter case, Shion had almost actually done the former before Naruto saved her, emitting a great amount of her power from inside the monster and numbing it in the process, making Naruto's job significantly easier.

Truly, a prime example of dumb luck for dumb people.

Now however, the demon had been out more than long enough to realize his current position, the threat level of his opponents, and get harmed enough that he was more than willing to throw his pride out the window.

With a deafening roar that dwarfed all of his previous ones so far, the monster's power increased to unreal levels, nearly reaching that of a Biju. In a single fluid movement, all of the heads that were not occupied with Chouji and Tenten arrayed themselves in a circular formation underneath Hinata with their mouths open wide and brimming with corrupted chakra. An instant later, a seal like image appeared using the heads as focus points and condensed the chakra gathered by the demon to a single point to counter the oncoming ball of light.

"Hinata!" Shion shouted in alarm. She had never seen or heard of Moryo doing something like this before, and for the first time since she had come back in time… she was afraid that she would not be able to come out of this for the better…

The explosion that followed the two tremendous attacks was bone rattling, and for a moment those watching and nearby genuinely feared that the volcano below would erupt from the shockwaves made in its wake. Some larger portions of the cave above came crashing down, and even Shion had to move a few times to avoid boulders that her barriers would not be able to endure. Chouji was thrown back from the blast violently, torn free from the heads he had been wrestling with, and Tenten barely managed to grab hold of his hair before she was thrown off of her ride.

Hinata, whether by luck or by some last second shenanigan, had managed to survive the blast, having being just barely overwhelmed in the exchange, and was flying off to another part of the cavern again, however the girl was not unscathed as she and her clothes were cut up in several places…

Enough that, once coming back to reality, the Hyuuga realized that a certain fox was no longer in her possession.

She didn't even think of what to do as she reflexively used her eyes to find the fox as soon as she confirmed the lack of a sleeping woodland creature between her breasts. Less than a second later, completely ignoring the demon that had also just recovered from the backlash, she had found her target falling to the lava below a good distance away from her…

Too far away from her. She wouldn't be able to reach him in time in her current state.

"NARUTO!" She shouted frantically as she used her presence and chakra control to somehow push herself to his direction in midair, a technique she had developed to chase after her boyfriend when she realized that he would likely have mastered flying by the time he got back. It was still a rather rough technique and she couldn't use it for long, but it did prove useful in multiple occasions.

Her sudden movements allowed her to avoid the two dragon heads that nearly impaled her just moments later. In fact, she really didn't even notice them at first as she zoomed in on the unconscious fox. That unfortunately changed as three more heads tried to cut her off, blocking her view of her target.

The poor sentient limbs couldn't even tell what happened as the Princess blurred around them, tearing apart their chakra coils with a few passing touches. Even with their absurd regeneration factor, they would not be moving for a long time coming.

Still, they had gotten in the girl's way, and any possible hope of her getting to the falling jinchuriki in time was damned because of it.

Every human's eyes dilated in fear and disbelief as they watched in slow motion as the fox plummeted to the lava below. It was akin to watching a movie to them, it was just unreal that THIS would be the way that Naruto, possibly the strongest person that they have ever met or will meet, would end.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Hinata shouted in alarm as her love fell to the lava…

… And stopped midair five feet above it.

"… Huh?" Tenten reasonably voiced out what everyone was thinking in part joy, part annoyance, and part... she didn't know what.

Even Moryo temporarily stopped his assault to watch the peculiar creature float in place, completely oblivious to its surroundings. He didn't know what it was or why it was so important to his enemies, but it was at least interesting. Now that it was separated from the girl he could tell that it was giving off a good deal of chakra as well.

" _Zzzz snort. Ero-Nii you asshat... you promised you'd stop throwing me in volcanoes when I'm trying to sleeep…"_ The completely oblivious fox mumbled to himself, barely conscious of the outside world, let alone aware of what was happening around him. _"Stupid Ero-ni. Stupid volcanoes. Stupid monsters. Stupid torture training excuses. Stupid chili powder…"_

Without even opening his eyes, the fox gauged what was happening around him. Due to being mostly asleep, he couldn't make any big deductions, but ultimately all he really wanted was to sleep.

Nearby there was a big ass demonic power, and three familiar chakra signatures fluctuating in a way that indicated that they were fighting, so going to them were out. The demonic signature wasn't one he recognized, so it obviously wasn't friendly. There didn't seem to be an easy way out of the cavern, or at least one nearby…

Ah. There we go. A familiar soothing defensive chakra signature was nearby that wasn't going all over the place. Clearly an ideal location to continue his pursuit of sleep in this annoying place.

Lazily the fox hovered as if he was being carried by strings and floated erratically to Shion's direction, completely ignoring the monstrosity behind him.

" **What an obnoxious creature. To completely ignore what is happening around it… I must say even I am impressed by its audacity…"** One of the few unoccupied heads opened its maw to gather chakra. **"I shall reward it accordingly."**

Just as the energy was discharged, a blast of chakra hammered it to the side, causing the attack to go off course wildly and destroy some more of the erratic stone paths below. It didn't take much for everyone to determine who was responsible as they glanced over to where Hinata was, standing calmly on top of another section of stone with her clothes torn, primarily in the chest area and revealing more cleavage than she would have preferred, but still clearly able to fight without issue.

What was more noticeable was the amount of killing intent and presence she was giving off.

"Naruto is mine." Her tone was even and calm… and sent chills down the spine of everyone that heard her. "You can't have him."

Several of the heads glanced at the girl before they snorted and began to charge individual beams at once. **"I do not take orders from you child. You may be strong for your kind but without the priestess' power you cannot stop me. Now be silent as-"**

The demon didn't get to finish his sentence as several beams of light shot forward and pierced through, not impacted, but genuinely _impaled_ several of the charging skulls. The power gathered in their mouths instantly became unstable and exploded, causing the few heads that had not been hit by the attack to lose control as well and blow up in a mass chain reaction.

"I said you can't have him." The Hyuuga repeated herself monotonously as she slowly lowered her glowing white hand.

Naruto, still asleep, seemed to float away from what he subconsciously determined to be the greater threat at a greater speed. A few more seconds later, he had reached Shion, who had fallen to the ground earlier, unable to keep her balance with all the shaking taking place, landed softly on her lap, circled around two times like a household pet, curled into a ball and fell asleep again with a large snot bubble coming out of his muzzle in half a second.

By his logic, if he was killed there, he might as well be asleep so he wouldn't feel anything.

"You poor stupid demon." Tenten grinned as she decided to start moving again and slash apart the heads that were wrapped around Chouji. She knew that her side would be given a slight break as Moryo decided to focus on the bigger, metaphorically speaking, threat. "You really did it now. Setting Hinata off like that is suicide."

Said demon clearly was not as amused as the humans were as its remaining numerous heads roared in a combination of pain, rage and frustration. **"That is enough! I have wasted enough time playing with you insects! I will reclaim my kingdom and I will enslave your kind as intended millennia ago!"**

Another immense roar rocked the cavern. The earlier attacks Hinata had utilized with Shion's power had done some damage to him, and as a result his regeneration abilities were somewhat stunted. It was painful, even to him, to rely on such methods now, however pain should only matter to mortals and inferior beings. He was a greater demon. The only things that should matter to him are power and control. As such he paid the agonizing sensation that plagued the black malformed mass that was his body just before it practically erupted, spawning hundreds of crying serpentine dragon heads towards the roof of the stone room.

And just before they reached the peak of their ascent before diving down upon their prey…

" _ **Oi."**_

An annoyed but distinct voice reverberated throughout the room without any actual source. While at first it seemed to be fairly mundane and human like, the weight behind it was enough to even cause the great demon itself to stop its assault.

" _ **I'm trying to sleep."**_

The Konoha Shinobi there knew instantly where the source of the voice was, and instinctively turned to it with chills down their spines. This was not the voice of an immature and slightly insane boy. It was not the voice of a demon. No, it was the voice of an immensely powerful individual who had lost interest in being amused by the little things that were around him.

No side comments. No obnoxious opinions. No absurd stories. No snarks or insults. No jokes or lamentations of personal woes.

Just the monster that normally slept underneath all of that, curled in a fluffy small ball on Shion's lap...

… Staring at everyone there with a single bloodshot eye wide open.

Ten seconds.

Without Hinata's chakra to stabilize his, the irritated jinchuriki was incapable of sleeping for even that long in such an environment.

" **Oh?"** Moryo's heads turned to the fox curiously as if recognizing it for the first time. **"So the fox is more than a pet after all."**

The fox didn't respond to the hydra's musings as its single eye turned to Hinata. _**"You shouldn't be having trouble with this one."**_

Clearly, Moryo took offence to that as several of the heads reared back. **"How dare y-!"**

SLAM! The skulls that were about to attack were surrounded and gripped by a large mass of air each, and piledrived deep into the lava below before anyone knew what had happened.

" _ **I wasn't talking to you."**_ Naruto's voice evenly stated as if what he had done wasn't worth mentioning, and his eye still completely focused on Hinata.

The Hyuuga held back her instinctive urge to fidget under his glare. It wasn't often that she was subjected to his intense gaze, and it only served to remind her of why she had so much faith in him in general despite his normal behavior, not that she didn't trust him completely already. "He is constantly regenerating on a scale that even you couldn't match. Only Shion-sama's chakra seems to be effective, but she alone is not able to use it on a scale to put him away permanently without sacrificing herself."

" **Fox!"** Moryo roared with his other heads hissing in tandem, some gathering power into their massive maws for an overwhelming attack. **"As if the Kyubi was not an irritating enough example of your species!"**

Naruto didn't seem to notice the monster reading itself for another attack as he kept eye contact with Hinata. Likewise he didn't seem to budge an inch as the heads that were about to attack suddenly twitched erratically at the critical moment and turned to aim at their fellow limbs, creating devastation among their ranks.

"… Ok, we probably know HOW he's doing that, but seriously?!" Tenten blinked in disbelief. "Couldn't he at least make it _look_ like he's putting in some effort?"

" _ **It was easier than it looked. He isn't that strong."**_ Naruto evenly stated. _ **"Kurama is far more powerful."**_

The shinobi took a moment to digest the information before realizing what he was implying.

"Wait. You mean to say that you actually…" Chouji started off hesitantly before Moryo let out another chain of hisses and started to grow more heads. "Log damn it! Again?!"

"Naruto." Shion whispered down to the fox in her lap, soft enough that no one could hear her. "We only defeated Moryo last time because your attack channeled my power and caught Moryo off guard up close. I'm stronger than last time, but we lost the element of surprise. Your friends can't do this without either one of us at this point."

The fox didn't so much as twitch at the girl's request. _**"How long are you idiots going to sit back and watch?"**_

The priestess blinked in confusion at Naruto's statement, completely oblivious to what he was saying.

One of Moryo's heads glared in their direction and let out a nasty snarl akin to a curse. **"There are more of you annoyances?!"**

"Mah mah. No need to be rude Naruto." A familiar mature voice sighed from behind the startled girl. "You were never a morning person, but I've never seen you this cranky before."

Shion whipped her head around surprised to see Shino standing behind her alongside four other Konoha shinobi, two of which she instantly recognized as Sakura and Kakashi Hatake.

"Gotta side with sensei on this one dobe." Sasuke shrugged. "What's the matter? Flea problem?"

"From what Shino said, you've been out of it for over a day." Ino frowned. "I guess running in fear from us finally wiped him out."

" _ **I could have been out of it for two more easy if I had it my way."**_ Naruto's voice reverberated with some irritation.

"Oh stop being such a baby." Sakura crossed her arms.

Shino shifted his glasses. "My apologies for being so late. The situation does appear dire, so I requested the temporary aid of Kakashi-sensei's team to address this… situation."

Sasuke surveyed the regenerating beast with a casual leer before coming to the same impression that Naruto had. "All of us against him? Seems a bit overkill, don't you think?"

"IT! WON'T! DIE!" Tenten shouted in frustration, shooting off a sword with each word. "TRUST ME! WE'VE BEEN TRYING QUITE EXTENSIVELY TO CORRECT THAT!"

"My chakra can negate his regeneration, but applying it to him while keeping me alive is proving to be… difficult." The Priestess admitted sheepishly before pausing and looking around at the cave that they had collapsed earlier. "Wait, the temple entrance had been caved in, how did you…"

"Hatake Kakashi. Legendary shinobi and master of over a thousand ninjutsu. Please to meet you." The scarecrow eye smiled and bowed theatrically.

"Showoff." His teammates muttered while all donning the same unamused expression on their faces.

Off to the side, several long black heads that had been hiding behind the stone paths decided that they were close enough to strike and bolted out of their hiding spots at the group. Shion had barely any time to react, Naruto didn't even flinch…

… Ino smiled…

…and all of the heads veered off course… no, they naturally moved in different directions, exposing their burning black bodies, which moments later were either severed completely by Kakashi's and Sasuke's chidori spears, or hammered to the other side of the cavern by Sakura's fist.

"… _**They actually taught you Teresa's trick?"**_ Naruto's voice finally contained something other than annoyance and irritation: trepidation.

"Maybe." The Yamanaka sweetly replied. "Does my title of the Smiling Witch mean anything to you?"

"… _**I'm going back to sleep."**_ The fox grunted, closing his eye in the process. Given from his reaction, he had gotten his answer and clearly didn't want to deal with the world now. _**"Don't wake me up unless the world is ending."**_

"Technically, if the hype behind Moryo is true, then the world is ending already." Shino pointed out factually.

" _ **You don't believe that in the slightest."**_ Naruto snorted before his consciousness started fading from the area.

"He's right." Sasuke shrugged. "We don't."

"I was merely bringing it up." Shino stated. "I personally didn't think it would work anyways."

"As much as I hate being the kill joy, we still have to deal with that at the moment." Sakura nodded her head to the demon spawning another hundred heads nearby.

" **I am going to tear all of you APART FOR ALL ETERNITY!"**

"Who are you kidding, you love being the killjoy." Ino huffed, not at all impressed by the death threat. "And technically this isn't our mission."

"We're within two meters of Naruto, and inside a volcano." Kakashi stated the obvious.

"Right. Kill the demon. Any suggestions?" The Yamanaka changed mindsets on a dime.

"Trap him here, set off the volcano, get out before getting fried, and blame the idiot for the collateral?" Sasuke suggested offhandedly while gathering some chakra.

"We'll consider that our last option before waking up Naruto again." Kakashi shrugged casually while going through a few seals. "We're trying to minimize the damages, remember?"

"That's why it's safer than the Naruto path." Sakura sighed as she flexed her hands just as a stray head bore down on them and collided with her... and was promptly stopped by an open palm so suddenly that everyone heard the beast's neck snapping and breaking under the abrupt halt.

No one bothered to pretend that it happened or watch as it limply fell back and into the lava below. Neither were they surprised that the pinkette didn't move an inch on contact.

"I'll stay behind and protect Shion-sama." Shino offered.

"Your loss." Ino yawned as she casually took out a needle that was twice as long and thick as the standard combat senbon that ANBU use. The metal was layered in several different dark colors ranging from ocean blue to black to blood red.

"Ino, that's…" Kakashi frowned, recognizing the tool instantly. While he personally had no part in its making, the needle itself had turned enough heads among the higher ups that virtually everyone in and formerly in the ANBU was aware of its existence.

"Don't worry sensei." The girl didn't bother to stop or turn around. "I wasn't going to use it on Naruto. I've just made it a habit to have a few on me at all times. Don't want to be useless again like in the Gobi incident after all. This will be a good live test for it anyways. Besides…"

Ino glanced at the still supersized Chouji ahead of her, having managed to put some distance between himself and the demon to get enough breathing room to take some weight off of his wounds while putting pressure on the gash on his side.

Her smile grew just enough to give her a more sadistic appearance. In fact if anyone paid any attention, they could see the smile being imposed on the world behind her…

"That demonic shit hurt my Chouji."

"Kakashi, what is that?" Sasuke frowned as he looked at the tool skeptically. He didn't bother to pay attention to the first half a dozen black heads that arced in the air above them and dove at Ino. Even if Moryo had perfect accuracy, he'd never be able to hit the girl like that.

As if on cue, the long serpentine bodies once again for some bizarre reason turned away from their target at the last moment, exposing their bodies to the lithe shinobi, who used the opportunity to jump and stab them with the needle once each, gaining ground rapidly and landing without breaking step just a ways past them.

One. Two. Three steps were taken on the stone pathways behind them before the results of the first stab were made visible.

With a pain filled roar, the serpents began to bellow out in agony, the points of impact made suddenly festering rapidly like a balloon to the point that the swells were just as large as the monster's heads…

BOOM!

… And exploded. Followed by another, and another, and another…

"It's an experimental poison that Ino made." Kakashi elaborated. "The ingredients, let alone the process for its creation, are classified and known only to her, Shadow, and Hokage-sama. Even Anko doesn't know all the details. It's so restricted that Ino is the only person that's allowed to carry them unless otherwise stated. I've heard it's extremely expensive to make, but the kicker is that it is only effective when a certain condition is met…"

Sakura's eyes narrowed as she watched her best friend casually leap between more and more serpentine heads as they all attempted to kill her only to turn away at the last possible moment. "… It's meant for anything possessing demonic chakra."

"Convenient, but if this thing can regenerate as fast as everyone claims, she probably doesn't have enough to deal with it." The Uchiha frowned as several heads began to charge up for another ranged attack, only to begin to writhe in pain and contort for no visible reason… or no visible reason to most eyes. "I thought you were going to hold back Shino. You're being greedy."

"Tenten! What are you doing on my man!?" Ino shouted in the distance as she leapt from serpentine body to body towards her recovering boyfriend.

"There's plenty for everyone." The Aburame didn't bother to defend himself as he witnessed several heads scream out in agony and whip about wildly. "And those insects are based off of samples of Shion-sama's chakra. They should prove to be useful."

"I have the high ground!" The archer shouted back defiantly while unleashing a particularly bright arrow that tore through seven heads at once and drilling a hole through the cavern wall behind the demon. "Fear the Queen of the high ground!"

"Can you make enough to kill that thing for good?" Sakura asked skeptically as at least half of the hundred heads prepared themselves to assault their position. Even though all the light in the cavern was coming from the lava below, it didn't seem to stop the ominous black shadow that was slowly towering over everyone. "… You know… in the next five seconds?"

"Fool!" Ino snapped back at the Faker, staying long enough on the latest poisoned head to use the explosion to launch her the rest of the distance to her boyfriend and ignoring the oncoming deluge of monsters. "The high ground is my property! You can't have it!"

"Not here I can't." The Aburame replied bluntly and without shame. "Too much lava around to make enough nests."

"Sasuke." Sakura sighed, already getting a headache.

Without any further prompting, the Uchiha flipped through the last of his seals while taking in a deep breath. "Fire Style! Great Fire Annihilation!"

Stemming from the lance like jet of pure fire rocketing from the Uchiha's mouth, an immense tsunami of flames was unleashed and expanded just past where Chouji was resting, spanning from nearly one side of the cavern to the other. The attack came just in time to collide with the equally massive wave of black dragon heads violently and raising the temperature of the already boiling cavern to painful levels.

For several moments it appeared as if the two sides were at a stalemate…

… and then Sasuke's chakra spiked and his crimson eyes seemed to become a reality of their own, much like Hinata's had earlier.

Within moments the color of his flames turned to a deep blood red that matched his dojutsu, increasing the weight of his attack enough to force the roaring monster back to the back of the cavern in pain before finally stopping with a tired pant. The move took a lot out of him and was not easy to control.

"Thanks Sasuke!" Ino and Tenten shouted to the Uchiha in a cheerful and casual way before once again glaring at one another with lighting in their eyes.

"Not bad. I'm sure we can come up with something with the time you've bought." Kakashi placated his students while making a mental note to open some holes to the outside soon so that they didn't suffocate given that Sasuke's move probably ate up most of the oxygen there. "Right now it would be best if we focused on protecting Shion-sa… oh?"

"Can we please put off the argument where I'm apparently a plot of land for after we kill the giant demon?" Chouji grumbled, shifting himself in a way so that Ino wouldn't collide with Tenten upon setting foot on his larger frame.

"What's wrong?" Sakura glanced back quickly, only to momentarily pause at the sight of Shion sitting in a daze with a hand on Naruto's body. Both the fox and the priestess were breathing perfectly in tandem.

"I'm not looking. Just tell me honestly, is Naruto doing something that we are going to have to hurt him for later?" Sasuke didn't bother to turn around, instead keeping an eye out for when the demon decided to attack again after getting better… wait… it wasn't.

In fact, the limbs that Ino and Tenten had killed recently weren't recovering at all, and from the looks of things, those burns the demon was sporting didn't seem to be disappearing either.

"Mmm. No." Kakashi mused as he casually lifted his headband to reveal his Sharingan and inspected the air carefully. As the Seventh Sense came into focus, the scarecrow noticed it taking the signature of the priestess behind him. "Just the opposite really. I'm afraid he just made this fight way too easy for us."

Hands blurring so fast that he was done before his teammates noticed he had started, Kakashi whipped out his left hand in a flinging motion, unleashing a dozen fairly large lightning shuriken so bright they seemed to leave a trail of light behind them and fast enough that they seemed to hit the demon before anyone could react.

Despite expectations, the massive shuriken did not cut through the monster and instead each one lodged themselves near the body at the base of several necks.

Also despite expectations, the giant shuriken each upon contact began to emit a violent light in the shape of a kanji, and once the final one was in place…

" **GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"**

Moryo roared in pain as his entire body was enveloped in lightning, temporarily becoming the new main source of light in the lava filled cavern.

Sasuke grunted at his teacher. While he was capable of techniques on that scale as well, Kakashi's impossibly efficient and complex elemental ninjutsu fuinjutsu hybrids were something that he was unfortunately just wasn't able to learn or do right. He knew how to summon and seal things just fine, but on the spot elemental seals was something that even he couldn't understand that well.

"I wasn't the one that nearly immolated everyone here. Let me have my fun too." Said teacher smiled in good humor as his technique finally ended and the monster slumped in place. The move itself was effective, but what really made it kick was that it also focused on the nerves of whatever it shocked, temporarily paralyzing or at least slowing down whatever had been caught in the blast. Sasuke could have his multi element attacks for all he cared. They were useful and powerful, but a tad bit too consuming for his tastes. He much preferred the moves that were more efficient, even if he had grown his reserves significantly recently.

Well, that and he was still holding the secret of how he got his Mangekyo Sharingan over the kid's head. It was just so satisfying watching the kid jump through hoops to try in learn it… like watching a pyromaniac kitten jump at the catnip toy held right above him. Adorable really.

"Hey… wait a second…" Sakura looked around skeptically. "… Where's Hinata?"

"The insect I had on her is not responding to my messages, however with so much chakra about that is not surprising." Shino shifted his glasses.

"Sasuke. What have I told you about trying to kill your comrades?" Kakashi mock glared at his student, knowing full well that in many cases it hit far too close to home than what most would be comfortable with.

"Make sure there are no witnesses, and she's up there." Sasuke pointed to a section of the cavern walls right above the wounded demon that was shining brightly. "If I'm not mistaken, she's in a pretty murderous mood right now."

Sakura winced as she felt Hinata's chakra and presence spike even from that distance. Given what they had felt on the way there, there was little doubt she was tapping into the chakra crystal that she had around her neck. "Wow. What's got her so pissed?"

Shino didn't say anything as he glanced discretely at Naruto on Shion's lap. The less everyone knew for now, the easier it would be to do damage control… or that was at least his excuse.

Kakashi paled. "Oi oi. Don't tell me she's going to use _THAT_ technique at that angle…"

"You tried to take over the world, kill me, my team, my client, my boyfriend, you separated his small adorable body from me, you _woke him up,_ and now he's in the lap of that man stealing _girl_. _Again._ " Hinata's eyes glared down at Moryo from above, filled with rage and radiating with pure power, but her face remained eerily calm.

A massive tetragram appeared beneath the girl, easily at least five times the size as the one normally used for the eight trigrams one hundred twenty eight palms technique…

… And at twelve evenly spaced points around the edge of the circle, another tetragram circle appeared, one in particular in the position between the attacker and the victim.

"I'm done with you."

Her arms were enveloped in tremendous azure flames of pure chakra just as the circle in front of her suddenly burned with same power. Holding out the limbs in front of her head with her palms open, the inferno grew steadily in intensity…

But no matter how large they grew, from Moryo's perspective, her eyes still pierced through and shone with unparalleled ferocity.

In fact, the remaining heads seemed to be entranced by the growing manifestation of chakra and power, swaying with mouths partially open and taking in the image with awe.

"… **That power… that's…"** The monster's voice whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. **"… Yes… a human that recognized their true worth beyond even what we could achieve… hahaha… beyond what this world can recognize… hahaha… I was right… heheheheh… I WAS RIGHT!"**

Despite the damage that he had taken, the paralysis effects from Kakashi's technique, and the air around him preventing him from regeneration, the demonic hydra's entire being writhed and contorted to produce even more heads, on this time they were distorted, malformed, and some simply useless. Every one of them roaring in insane and agonized glee as they rapidly gathered a tremendous amount of power in front of them into a growing ball reminiscent of a bijudama.

" **HUMANS ARE MAGNIFICENT! YOUR POWER IS INTOXICATING GIRL! YOUR NATURE! YOUR ESSENCE! WITH IT AND YOUR SECRETS I CAN BECOME GREATER THAN EVEN THE NINE TAILED FOX!"**

Hinata didn't even pay attention to the monster's insane rambling, and finished her attack far before he did.

For the briefest of moments, the girl turned her gaze back to the other side of the cavern where her client and her love were situated on the stone walkways and seemingly separated from the world.

Naruto opened one eye half way and met her glance without anyone else noticing… she had known he had not fallen back asleep from the start.

" _Show me."_ His eye demanded of her, inspecting her and her power from that great distance with a cold analytical gaze.

She turned back to her target, a small satisfied smile played on her lips.

"Hidden Art…" The azure flames began to rapidly increase in size until they enveloped and were contained in the circle under the girl.

"Rei-Ou."

The blue plasma like inferno erupted from the circle between Hinata and Moryo instantly, taking the form of upper half an absolutely massive white eyed lion like beast that was almost as large as the demon itself, and roared with so much power and ferocity that one could actually feel their ears burn.

Moryo was caught completely unprepared by the attack, still in the throes of hysterical laughter, and unleashed his unstable technique at the oncoming lion. Had it been fully formed and its user been sane, it may have been able to hold off or maybe even overwhelm the oncoming technique, however... it didn't happen.

Instead the blue and white beast plowed through the corrupted black blast of energy and crashed into the body of the monster like a living comet, plowing it down into the lava…

And down.

And down.

And down.

And when the titanic explosion finally did go off, prompting physics to create a tower of lava that would had incinerated the girl had she not moved shortly before her attack had given way… it was noted that the rumbling didn't stop.

In fact the cavern started to shake more.

"Volcano?" Shino turned to Sakura.

"Volcano." Sakura hissed out as if it was her mortal enemy.

"Uh guys?" Chouji whimpered as he looked down at the already intensifying pools of lava around him. "Volcano?"

"What part of this don't you get?!" Tenten snapped. "Run mountain boy RUN!"

"Chouji! Open up the side of this rock heap over there!" Ino yelled from his other shoulder as the giant began to run towards the direction she was pointing to. He had long since learned not to question the Yamanaka's sensing abilities in times of peril.

"I'm nearly running on empty here!" Chouji winced, his right leg wouldn't support him for much longer, chakra or not. Mentally he cursed his bad luck. Why did he have to have a devil on each shoulder? Wasn't one of them supposed to be an angel? "I'm not sure if I have enough power to break out!"

"Like hell you don't!" Ino grunted as she shoved her hand into one of her pouches and took out several drug covered senbon… and then jabbed them all into his massive jugular vein. "Now go break that damn mountain!"

Normally, the particular drugs Ino used had enough adrenaline in just one to give a jonin a heart attack with a full stab in any general bodypart, and give a minor boost to one with just a reasonable prick…

Chouji just took seven of the things half their length to a major artery… at once.

"HOWAAAAAAAAAHHHH SHIT NOT AGAIIIIIIIN!" The Akimichi's pupils dilated almost instantly as all the pain and tiredness in his body was washed away by the chemical cocktail that his girlfriend had just pumped into him.

Instantly the girls had to double their efforts to hang on else they would be thrown off of the rampaging monstrosity that Ino had turned Chouji into. With every thunderous stomp he took running, he had made a hand seal with his colossal hands, finishing just as he reached the stone wall.

"EARTH STYLE! MOUNTAIN FALL!"

The Akimichi's fist hammered into the increasingly unstable stone wall, and the entire thing seemed to implode on itself as whatever made up blocking structure was blasted away into the world outside of the erupting volcano.

"Move people!" Tenten shouted behind her, not at all bothering to watch and see everyone running behind her or notice that Shino was carrying the out cold Shion on his back with Naruto once more somehow in her shirt. Even if they reached the cave, the archer calculated that it would take some running to get through the path to the outside AND out of blast range. Once the volcano went off, the lava would be shooting out of the cavern as fast as it would be going up so they'd have to exit the tunnels at a sharp angle if they wanted to live.

"You heard the girl." Kakashi smiled as he helped Hinata follow everyone out. The girl had used up most of her power with that last attack, and even if she didn't she was far more tired than she would admit.

Thankfully the tunnel that Chouji made wasn't that long and wouldn't take that long to get out.

Not thankfully, the shaking of the volcano was growing steadily more violent by the minute.

"Did you really have to blast him from that angle?" The scarecrow asked Hinata.

"It was the only spot safe from Sasuke's attack while staying hidden. Sorry." The Princess didn't really appear all that apologetic for her actions.

"You know…" They were near the end of the tunnel. The mountain didn't blow yet, thankfully, but they wouldn't stop moving for quite some time. "You didn't have to show off to prove that you had gotten stronger. He's not that kind of person"

Hinata's eyes widened momentarily before regaining their normal tired state. "Hah. I should have known you would have noticed sensei."

"You aren't the only one that's close to him." Kakashi looked ahead to his other students, all grown and battle weary. "I can name a few other people that wanted him to see how much you've all grown."

"And?" She asked. "What do you think his impression is?"

The elder snorted. "Probably that we're too loud and that he longs for the sweet embrace of unconsciousness again."

Hinata couldn't help but giggle. "Yeah. That was my guess too."

"Great minds think alike." The two laughed cheerfully as the rumbling got louder. "So… Naruto and volcanoes?"

"Never again."

"I thought so."

o. o. o.

A/N

… This chapter was written in no less than five airplanes and six states. I'm bloody tired and a lot has happened in one day that I don't want to talk about. I'll write more on this later.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! VOL-FUCKING-CANOES! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1983129/Third-Fang follow this link to the profile of the original author I'm just posting this here with their permission. this story will be updated with the original story at the link up above

Chapter Thirteen: What's this? Original plot? Astounding!

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Naruto woke up in a vast and empty plain of white, but didn't bother getting up from his resting position.

He was instantly displeased with this.

"Dad. You better have a damn good reason for interrupting my sleep." This wasn't the first time that his father had pulled him into the more expansive parts of his mindscape while he rested, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. Kushina could do it too, but she preferred, oddly enough, to involve the whole "we live in Naruto's head" group whenever she wanted to talk to him. Seeing as he didn't feel Kurama's consciousness nearby, she and the fox were not responsible for his situation this time.

Normally, in either case, it was to talk to him about the issues going on around him or provide some minor therapy to keep him closer to resembling what was widely considered sane.

"Hmm. Interesting. It is not often that one at your age would frequent this portion of your mind. Your capability of rapidly assuming not only where you are but the means of which you came speaks much of your experience."

Naruto's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. He didn't recognize the voice, but it had confirmed that he was still in his mind, which meant…

"No." He stated with finality.

"No?" The voice belonging to the mystery individual to his side asked curiously. "There are many possible meanings and interpretations to your perplexingly vague statement. Are you insinuating that I am incorrect in my thesis? Or perhaps you do not believe that our conversation is not real?"

Naruto didn't get up and look at the source. To do so would only solidify its existence and imprint into his memories. "I don't care who you are, what your purpose is here, or even if you are the freaking Sage of Six Paths. I am NOT having another voice in my head, and I most certainly WON'T have it manifest when I'm getting the best sleep I've had in years. I am crazy enough thank you very much."

"I see. I see. Yes, your statement does warrant such concern. With the presence of your parent's souls and Kurama within you as they are, no doubt your outlook and behavior would greatly differ than most individuals. That you recognize this and wish to prevent the gap between you and your peers speaks much about your integrity." The voice continued absently.

The blonde's mood sunk more. Wonderful. The new voice in his head was one that wouldn't shut up. He had a bad feeling that Ghost knew who or what this newcomer was, but he sure as hell wasn't going to ask.

Unfortunately, as pissed as he was, Naruto knew enough about these sort of things to brush them away because he was tired.

"Old man. I'm going to be blunt, and right now I want you to do the same if possible. Have you always been in my head?"

"Yes, and no." The voice replied instantly, going along with the boy's request. "I am everywhere that chakra is, as it carries my memory throughout the ages. As such, one could interpret that to say I am in everyone's mind."

That answer alone was a big enough clue that the teen could probably find out the identity of the newcomer when he got back home. "I take it that you can't directly talk to many people like this."

"No. Conditions must be met, and such circumstances can only be achieved in certain individuals across time. You are one of them." The voice continued. Truth be told, he still shouldn't have been able to manifest himself in the boy, not yet at least… however the child was different, and his power seemed to be imprinted on the world in way that had yet to be seen since the Biju first appeared.

"Is this conversation needed now exactly? Will the information you give me be needed in the immediate future, or is this simply because you are able to talk to me now and are unsure when the next opportunity will be?"

"Hmm. You are a particularly intuitive child." The voice stated with a hint of amusement. "The latter, if you must know."

"I see." Naruto closed his eyes. "Go away."

"Pardon?"

"I'm tired. I'm more insane than even I normally tolerate. I was enjoying a peaceful sleep, and I sure as hell don't want anything more to dwell on than I already am."

"Your decision and reasoning is concerning." The voice chided. "This may be the only opportunity we may have to converse at length before the possible calamities I have feared come to be…"

"If the world is in danger from anything related to the source or origin of all chakra in the world and I can't handle it, I'll just ask the Oogakari to summon you into my head again for your mystical ramen covered advice from beyond the grave. If you are what you claim, you should already be aware of what they are and are capable of. Until that point I am making a rule that only three permanent residents are allowed in my head at once other than my own. Again. Go away."

The area was silent for a few minutes before the new voice chuckled dryly. "I see. This version of you is certainly not what was expected, and far from ideal, but perhaps that is what was needed in the first place. Your reasoning is not preferred, but acceptable. I hope you shall be in a more hospitable temperament should we converse again."

Naruto didn't say anything as the voice's hold on his consciousness let go and the tired teen once more lost awareness of everything around him. As a result his projected body in the field of white soon vanished, leaving only the owner of the aged voice present.

"… **I told you he wouldn't listen now old man."** Kurama's deep tone echoed throughout the empty area.

"Yes, however it would be irrational to waste an opportunity when it presented itself." The human of the two replied. "He is an interesting child… no. He is too aware of the world's nature to be called that. It is rare for someone to possess such character after undergoing as many ordeals as he. Even I have never encountered the greater deities of the outer realms, much less combatted them…"

" **Humph. You know as well as I that it would have only resulted the same way."** The fox grunted at the memory that was locked away. **"Not many could claim to have been killed by Death personally and brought back by something that surpasses its authority."**

Gods had many particular forms that generally could range from local gods that tended to be shards of their bigger and stronger counterparts, to the common world rules of nature gods, to the rare multiversal gods that rarely revealed themselves to others unless something _really_ went wrong.

In Naruto's case, he had unfortunately been put up against a shard of the latter due to an unfortunate turn of events.

"Mmm. Not without consequences clearly. Even now I can feel the lingering stain left on his being. A shame."

" **He says the scar itches."**

This time the old voice did laugh. "Hahah. Yes, this truly is an interesting one. Should fortune be with us, I may not even need to converse with him after all. Ironic, in that I wish to do so more now."

" **I'd advice against it. I'd hate to see you actually try and go out of your way to kill someone in a blind rage. His irrationality is contagious."** The Kyubi snorted dryly. **"… I'll see you around old man."**

The spirit of the Sage of Six Paths smiled briefly as his body finally faded away. "And you Kurama. I am relieved that you have finally encountered someone you can trust. He is quite an interesting one, that much is certain…"

o. o. o.

The Naruto retrieval team was gathered together in a circle. Every one of them had a serious expression on their face as they contemplated their current dilemma.

"Do I really have to be the one to bring it up?" Sasuke grunted in frustration.

"Depends. The person who does will be the manliest person in our group." Ino snorted. "That being said I thought Sakura would crack first."

"Oh I'm gonna crack something allright." The medic glared at her so called friend.

"I still don't understand what the issue is." Kakashi mused, the least tense of the group. "It's not like it's actually a problem."

"Kakashi, don't even start. You just want to use this as an excuse to be late." Sasuke looked back at the team they were travelling with, or more specifically at Hinata with the fox formed Naruto once more sleeping in her chest.

"Sorry Hokage-sama. We would have been sooner, but I had to reunite two lost lovers and a girl with her pet along the way." Saukra imitated her teacher sarcastically.

"But it's truuuue." The eldest one whined in mock immaturity.

"You forgot the part where one of the lovers would have murdered us if we tried to split them up and rush back." Ino pointed out. "I, for one, am NOT going to be related to the pissing off of Hinata."

"Please, you just want to baby Chouji some more." Sasuke rolled his eyes. Ever since they had been all clear the Yamanaka had been tending to her boyfriend's wounds quite frequently, to the point that she had actually put on a sexy nurse costume during one of her late night "checkups". Where she had gotten the costume in the first place was anyone's guess.

"Hey. My baby needs my TLC. I don't see you complaining about Hinata gushing over Naruto." Ino shot back.

"We are. That's why we're gathered right now." The Uchiha deadpanned, stating the obvious.

"And unfortunately it's not like we can just tell them to hurry up." Sakura sighed as she looked around to the small caravan they were travelling with.

After the debacle with Moryo and evasively blaming the volcano erupting on said demon, which _technically_ was true, the shinobi there, with Shion and Taruho flew back to Demon Country on Sasuke's summons to return Shion to her home and explain to everyone what had happened, as part of the mission was to ensure the priestess' safety.

They weren't going to just abandon her in the middle of Swamp Country after she sealed away the monster after all. That would have just been stupid.

The group had spent a good three days there recovering from their massive battle. Hinata was a trained medic, but she had been focused more on other fields of study over the years so her skills were lacking when compared to Ino's and Sakura's.

Chouji had not been in good shape once they finally managed to get back. With a hole in his side, demonic bite marks all over his body, his right leg fractured in two places, broken in another, minor burns from where the lava entered his wounds, fairly heavy chakra exhaustion, and having pumped enough adrenaline through his body at one point to kill at least one herd of elephants, the Akimichi had understandably been out for nearly the entire time they had been at Shion's home.

Hinata and Tenten had not come out unscathed either, with both suffering from varying levels of chakra exhaustion themselves in addition to minor cuts, burns, and in the Hyuuga's case a couple of bruised ribs from when one of the serpent heads got lucky and knocked her away.

Shino, being only slightly ruffled from his fight, wisely did as everyone told him silently to avoid his team's ire. All in all, nothing out of the ordinary for him.

Sakura's and Ino's presence was a very welcome relief to the bodyguard team. Especially since practically all the locals were partying the entire time at the news of Moryo's death right outside the building they were trying to rest in.

Once the wounded had been approved for travelling and active duty again, though they weren't completely recovered, they had to recognize that their mission wasn't completely finished yet.

They still had to escort Shion, along with a handful of her advisors and guard, to Konoha.

Given that the Land of Demons was on the northwest side of the Land of Earth, that they were moving at a civilian's pace, and they were forced to take a detour to loop around the bottom of the country that Konoha was almost at war with, the shinobi were looking at a trip that was going to take at least four weeks, six if they weren't rushed.

The route would normally take one week for a standard ninja.

Hinata had not let Naruto out of her grasp since she had regained ownership of him. And for anyone that tried to separate the two…

o. o. o.

Flashback:

Sakura and Hinata were frowning at one another intensely, ignoring the cheers that were going on outside.

Naruto was, as he had been for the past few days, in between Hinata's breasts, completely asleep if the bubble of snot was any indication. The fact that he wasn't shivering in terror was also a sign that he really was out cold.

"Hinata. Give him to me."

"Like I said before Sakura, I don't see why I should."

"Look, I swear I'm not going to steal him for my mission." The medic tried to reason with her friend. Normally the Hyuuga was one of the more reasonable members of her group, but when it came to Naruto the girl became frustratingly stubborn. "You put those bandages on his arm and body because he was hurt right? Even though he regenerates? You don't know what happened before he got to you and what he did, but I do. I know why his arm is still messed up and I actually have experience dealing with it, so please just let me make sure he heals right. You aren't the only one that worries about his health when he does something stupid and crazy you know."

Hinata fidgeted a moment as she went over the girl's words. In truth she had attempted several times to heal Naruto's limb ever since she had accidentally broken it, but for some reason the damage was unlike anything she had ever encountered before. "… Can't you just teach me how to heal it?"

Sakura let out a huff of frustration, but relaxed her posture a bit. "I could, in fact your eyes would probably make you better at it than me eventually, but it takes time to get used to, especially when you aren't that focused on the finer and more delicate fields of medical jutsu."

Hinata continued to uncomfortably determine whether it was a good idea to allow Sakura to look over her love and risk having her team run off with them before mentally going over the list of wounds, new and old, that she had seen when she had examined him.

"You swear that you won't run off with him?" She innocently asked with pleading eyes. To others she was a strong and confident young woman, but those close to her knew that all of that confidence and stability ironically came from one of the most unstable people they knew. To take him away now just as they got back together would no doubt do a number on her psychologically.

"I promise on my title as a medic." The time traveler smiled kindly and slowly held out her arms, but not in a way that they were close to the fox. She had heard what had happened earlier when that missing nin triggered Naruto's panic attack and had no intentions of setting off a repeat performance…

The fact that Tenten had actually _tackled_ Sasuke when the latter attempted to, while slightly buzzed, reach out and take the fox from a sleeping Hinata, exemplified just how dangerous it was.

Hinata hesitated for a moment before reaching to pick up the fox. "You have to be careful. He hasn't been sleeping well." She whispered as if talking about a small child. "He's been using my chakra to keep the nightmares suppressed and stabilize himself. I went into his subconscious earlier and what I saw… If I'm not there to calm him down…"

"Don't worry. You can keep a hand on him while I work to keep him even." Sakura mentally filed away Hinata's comments for later. She made a few seals to start her diagnostic technique. Normally she could do this on the fly, but the version she was currently using was for trickier wounds that had subtle effects. Given that his arm's damage was from a rasenshuriken variant, she wasn't leaving anything to chance. "… What about, you know, them?"

Hinata blinked a few times in confusion before her eyes widened in understanding and nodded to the fox. "Them?"

Their subtlety was warranted. Blatantly speaking about Kurama in public was still an S ranked crime punishable by death. Speaking about Minato and Kushina inside of Naruto went double so.

"From what they said, they normally help him… recover for the most part when he has an episode, but since I'm here they've been holding back and trying to get him to open up more for a more complete treatment, but it also lets his reactions become more severe as a result as well." Hinata admitted reluctantly. "You… I've never seen him like that before Sakura. He was absolutely terrified, and so withdrawn that even _it_ had trouble getting close."

"Sensei told us in the debriefing before we left, but…" Sakura frowned as she focused on the conversation and what her scans were telling her. The blonde's wounds were healing as expected, but the damage had wrecked the entirety of his arm when it was first made. Thanks to his wider chakra coils, honestly absurd chakra density and recovery abilities the potential damage had been mitigated greatly, but the telltale poison like effects of the rasenshuriken were still visible. "Idiots. Both teacher and student are just idiots."

Hinata nodded in agreement as her friend started her treatment.

"… Hinata?"

"Yes?"

"… I don't remember seeing Naruto having any injuries on his tailbone area when he ran away from us earlier, so why is his tail injured just as badly as the rest of his body?"

"…"

"…"

"… He's fuzzy and very soft."

"… On second thought, never mind."

o. o. o.

End flashback:

"I almost had to fight Hinata just to heal the wounds he got from fighting Zabuza and Haku. There's no way I'm going to try and take him now, and honestly if half of what she told me about his freakout is true I don't think it's even close to a good idea." Sakura sighed in defeat. "Naruto has been asleep ever since Hinata got him back again. From what I can tell the only way we will be able to get back to Konoha faster _with_ him, is if he wakes up and agrees to come with us."

"Fat chance of that happening." Ino grumbled in defeat. "He'd probably just run away the first shot he got."

"Actually he'd probably just cut his losses at this point." Kakashi shrugged. "If he's as bad as Hinata says he is, he'd probably determine that it really is best for him to stay with her for the time being. The reason he ran away in the first place was to get some peace of mind after all. Given that Hinata seems to be able to calm him down so effectively…" 

"He'd stay around her as much as possible to recover more." Sasuke concluded with a small scowl. "For him to willingly stay still and quiet to heal… remember that time he tried to run away from the hospital and ended up landing on his head when the guard tripped him up?"

"Did he break his leg before or after that?" Sakura asked with a dry smirk on her face.

"Does it matter? He tried again nearly two hours after he woke up after that." The Uchiha elaborated. "Tsunade was pissed."

"I believe it was more because sensei really couldn't hurt him any more than he already was at that point without getting a bad taste in her mouth." Her smile widened at the memory of her teacher ranting and complaining to her while downing one of the stashes of booze that she had managed to hide to Shizune.

"It's sad that we aren't really surprised by events of this nature anymore." Kakashi shook his head in mock shame. In reality he had been conditioned to this before the time skip, but it his statement still stood. "On the other hand, I believe we should focus on the things that still can get under our skin…"

"They won't say a word." Ino pouted, instantly picking up on her leader's unasked question. "Whatever happened that caused the other fox to have fun has them spooked. They try to hide it, but I'm a Yamanaka and their friend. It's as clear as day to me."

"Oh? Am I that easy as well?" Sasuke rose a skeptic eyebrow.

"I used to be your fangirl. Don't make me prove it." The Yamanaka stated bluntly.

He shut up instantly.

Sakura simply hoped that he wouldn't find out that Ino told her about some of his tells. She loved always being able to read him like a book much to his frustrated confusion.

"Even Chouji won't crack?" Kakashi curiously asked, getting them back on topic.

The mention of her boyfriend caused her to sulk. "No. I almost managed to sweet talk it out of him, but he clammed up at the last moment and begged me not to learn anymore about it. The only thing I managed to learn was that they encountered "someone that wasn't supposed to be there", whatever that means."

"Someone that wasn't supposed to be there?" Sakura frowned in confusion. "Do you mean Akatsuki?"

"I don't think so. They would have told us if it was them." Ino shook her head. "Chouji said that it was the Fox's words, not ours. He said that they weren't going to be a problem anymore, but from how uncomfortable he looked it was clear that whoever he was talking about is still around somewhere."

Kakashi and Sakura shared a brief glance at one another, confirming that they had the same rough idea of what their friends could have encountered. "Well, if Chouji says that whatever it is that has them so spooked won't appear again, then I don't see why we can't put the topic to the side for now at least. We have plenty of time to grill them for juicy details when we get back home."

"In the meantime all we have to worry about is Hinata possibly killing her client for always trying to get to Naruto." Sasuke snorted. It had been quite amusing to watch as the Priestess attempted to even get near to the unconscious fox over the past few days. At one point the two had even devolved into a childish "yes!" "no!" back and forth argument for at least ten minutes before one of Shion's attendants dragged her away from the Hyuuga.

"I'm so proud." Kakashi wiped away a fake tear. "One of my students has finally managed to obtain the good life. Where women flock to him in droves for meaningless reasons that make sense only to them."

"Sensei." Ino deadpanned while nodding her head at Sasuke. "Fangirls?"

"I said women Ino. Not girls." The cyclops pointed out factually.

"What about that kunoichi from that Nadeshko village we… helped?" Sasuke rose an eyebrow skeptically.

Really, he knew different villages had different rules and customs, but seriously? Forcing a fight to the death for the woman's hand in marriage?

So, if the woman wins, the man, who was challenged in the first place with no way out, dies. And if the man wins, he, somehow, is forced into a relationship he doesn't want with a woman that he may or may not have crippled or disfigured in the process?

How on earth has that village managed to stay around without getting stuck in an international incident yet? He knew that men could be stupid and think with their dicks at times, but there was no way that every male hijacked into those marriages were so satisfied that they decided to ignore the situation…

… Shit, didn't Sakura say that Tsunade gets rare medical ingredients from them?

Oh well. Not his problem and it's not like the idiot isn't immune to nearly every poisonous and mind altering compound on the planet.

"She's our well-earned entertainment for dealing with this mission. Where stupid people do stupid things and we simply sit back and watch without any consequences at all." Kakashi factually elaborated. "Granted, whether it ends up a comedy or a tragedy all depends on if Hinata finally does snap in the end, but ultimately I do think that the mystery in itself will be rewarding."

"Hey, is it me or is sensei more lax about getting innocents involved in the hell that is our life lately." Ino whispered to Sakura.

"As far as he's concerned, if said person doesn't do their research before trying to barge into our lives, they deserve it." Sakura wept sadly.

"Apparently he's an advocate of sharing our fun with the world." Sasuke deadpanned.

"I like spreading the love." The teacher eye smiled.

"I'm pretty sure that there are laws against that." Sakura frowned.

"Unfortunately we're shinobi. Laws are only as good as the proof against us." Sasuke pointed out.

"I'm starting to see why there are so many problems in this world." Sakura wept.

"Focusing on our biggest one, are we agreed to not do anything until Naruto wakes up and see what he says?" Kakashi offered.

"Is not like we have much choice at this point." Sasuke shrugged. "Ripping him from Hinata now would only cause problems before and after we get back. So long as we make sure that nothing else happens we should be good."

"And we sent a report to Tsunade-sama explaining what's happened so far." Sakura sighed, remembering the small hawk that flew off to Konoha with their recollections. "She won't be happy when she reads it, but at the very least she'll be expecting us and have cooled off when we return."

"At least that's something in our favor." Ino sighed, habitually twirling another senbon between her fingers. "So in the mean time we can pretty much take a break for now."

"As much as we can." Kakashi nodded. "Just make sure to help out the others with their job as well. They deserve the rest as much as we do. Also do keep an eye out for any problems. Their mission isn't done yet and Naruto is still here."

"Yeah. Don't want to have Hinata kill the priestess for bugging her." Sasuke snorted.

"Hahah. Yeah. Don't want the evil twin to kill the good one." Ino smirked, only to pause as everyone stared at her. "What? Don't tell me you guys didn't see how much those two look like one another."

"Yeah, but since when was Hinata the evil twin?" Sakura rose an eyebrow.

"Since when can a good twin make those around him fear for their lives just by being nearby at will?"

The other three really couldn't come up with anything to counter that.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"They're what?!" Fuu all but shouted at Tsunade in her office.

"All of them Fuu." The Hokage frowned as she placed the documents on her table. "What essentially makes up the core of the Hidden Waterfall Village's government was slaughtered in a closed room with no witnesses in a single afternoon. There are no suspects and no hints as to who it may be except for a tasteless message written in the victim's blood stating the fall of the village. It's that which is prompting those who are trying to keep things together to call you back as soon as possible."

"The only reason why we even know that much is a combination of our spies and our repeated forced requests to explain the situation." Shizune elaborated apologetically. "You are a major individual of interest not only for them but for Konoha as well. Simply having you return without explanation would seem suspicious after our arrangement has been set up."

"Please tell me that you see that this is a trap." The jinchuriki looked between the women frantically. The past three years in Konoha had been like a dream for her. She _liked_ living in a place where the local population didn't treat her like dirt. She _liked_ having people that she could call friends nearby and could rely on. She _liked_ living for days at a time without being reminded that she was a freak or had a super powered chakra demon in her.

She wasn't particularly close to anyone here other than maybe the Third Hokage, but given her personality she doubted that would ever change. She was however comfortable near people now and could hold a solid conversation with strangers, which was a hell of a lot better than before.

"No shit it's a trap." Tsunade grunted. "The message to call you back came before the damn request for international aid and diplomatic support. Someone clearly wants you back desperately, and even if it's not Akatsuki they're good enough to slaughter nearly a hundred people in a room without anyone outside finding out until hours later. Unfortunately, unless we want the village to take a tremendous blow to its image to everyone else, we can't refuse this request." A wry smirk played on her lips. "But, we're doing it on our terms. There are benefits to being commonly known as the strongest shinobi nation other than bragging rights."

"We lost once sitting back and watching everything fall apart Fuu." Shizune comforted the green haired girl. "Don't think we are going to do the same thing again. We know that even with your training you aren't as capable as most of the other jinchuriki with us, but that doesn't mean that we have no faith in your abilities."

Fuu smiled weakly. She was no slouch on the battlefield, quite the opposite, but even so it wasn't fair to be compared to absolute monsters like Naruto, Bee and Gaara. Roshi and Yugito were closer to her level, but still miles ahead simply because they were already extremely familiar and used to using their demon's power before they had died the first time around.

As for Zabuza, the man didn't even need to use Isobu's power most of the time. He had that absurdly broken sword with him. Seriously, making the man into a jinchuriki was just overkill in her opinion.

That wasn't to say that she didn't get along with Choumei. Quite the opposite. From what she heard she had one of the easiest times getting used to him and his power. The problem was that she lacked the raw explosive power output that everyone else seemed to have. Sure she had some tricks and was one of the only shinobi that could fly, but it didn't really help that much when she was taken down by that paper bitch last time.

"So what's the plan then?" She asked slightly subdued. Given the circumstances, it was clear that she would have to go back "home" sooner rather than later.

"Thankfully you were out on a mission when we received the message and we delayed a few days when we gathered some more information on the situation. Their request was a big one, so anyone would have demanded answers before even considering following through." Tsunade's lips twitched in amusement. For once the standard diplomatic process for delaying the hell out of everything worked in their favor. "At best we can stall for another few days to a week under the pretense of determining whether this is a trap and the ramifications of letting you out of our jurisdiction. This is an emergency after all. We have been using what we have gained and the time we have left to prepare. Since you are a person of interest to both of our villages and your safety is of the highest priority, we will be assigning you a squad that will accompany, stay, and aid you until the situation has calmed down."

Fuu's demeanor relaxed somewhat. She still had to leave, but at the very least she wasn't getting completely cut off from help. "How are you going to pull that off? You know as well as I do that my home is paranoid about its security. After what happened I don't see any of them letting any outsider getting in."

"Actually it should be quite the opposite." Shizune factually countered. "Taki has already been infiltrated. They are already at risk of losing everything and collapsing from the inside out. Konoha is offering high quality support to assist its valued ally, and those who will go are sworn to not disclose any of their secrets to anyone. While everyone is right to be suspicious of anyone, your village is not in a position to deny support from their strongest ally. Not when they are at risk of an unknown enemy wiping out the entire village. We are "offering" help and they cannot _afford_ to say no."

The jinchuriki couldn't help but smirk. She knew for a fact that the people left in charge of Taki would not take it well and probably give her shit for this turn of events. Hell they'd probably try to insinuate that it was her fault that the whole event happened in the first place. The problem is that they have no choice but to go with it for now, and unlike before she was very likely the strongest shinobi from Taki now… outside of Kakuzu, and she sure as hell was going to make sure that everyone realized that.

"So who is my backup?" She asked, her earlier worries were now dissuaded. She had no illusions that she might still die, but ultimately it wasn't any different than when she first realized her situation three years ago. "I can't realistically see there being any more than two teams max coming along for this."

Tsunade took out a mission missive and placed it on the desk in front of her. "I've already handpicked your guards. I believe you'll be satisfied with my decision."

The youngest girl in the room stepped forward and glanced at the names written down with curiosity… before grinning confidently.

She still didn't like the situation, but at the very least she knew that she wasn't going without some damn big guns at her back.

o. o. o.

With the main character:

Good news: Naruto was up.

Bad news: He was still in fox form and in Hinata's chest whenever possible.

Annoying news: He wasn't speaking or attempting to communicate with anyone. Instead he was acting like a genuine small domesticated fox. Complete with the instinct to fear anything that displeases said mentioned Hyuuga.

"That settles it, I'm getting a fox fur coat in the near future." Ino growled in annoyance as she watched Hinata absently pet the purring teenager while walking around the area.

"Get in line." Sakura matched Ino's tone.

"I don't do fur." Sasuke yawned carelessly. Contrary to popular belief, the Uchiha actually did enjoy sleeping in on days off if he wasn't focused on something immediately important or if he didn't plan on it the day before.

He pretended to ignore the fact that most of his childhood free days were occupied with preparing to kill Itachi.

"I'm more of a dog person." Kakashi turned a page of his book.

"It wouldn't be so bad if the little bastard actually bothered to pay attention to us." Ino elaborated. "We've all tried to talk to him but he just ignores us. Hell I even tried to make a mental link once and he just shrugged me off. I didn't even know he could do that!"

"He has experience with voices in his head." Sasuke deadpanned. "Tuning another one out shouldn't be that hard for him by now."

"And it's not like he isn't paying attention to what we say." Sakura leered at the fox skeptically. "Watch. I recommend a hunt when we get back."

On cue, the once content animal's head twisted instantly to their direction with wide and hurt eyes of betrayal, as if to ask, "Why? Why would you do such a cruel thing to me?"

Hinata would have noticed, but since nothing important was happening and Shion was in her carriage talking to her advisors about recent political events back home, the girl had once more regressed into the euphoric daze that came when most females snuggled small fuzzy animals, complete with hearts for eyes, a gleeful smile, and an amount of drool that was noticeable but everyone pretended to ignore regardless.

"Ohhh." Ino swooned. "Those pure eyes of innocent hurt and knowledge of impending pain. They're adorable."

"Naruto and adorable in the same sentence. Something truly is wrong with the world." Sasuke shook his head. "And yet for some reason it feels as if everything is in place because of it."

"Now now. Not everyone can pull off dark and brooding as naturally as breathing Sasuke. Some people actually have to work from a different angle." Kakashi lectured with a straight face.

He pretended to ignore the annoyed stares his teammates were giving him.

"Kakashi-sensei." Shino approached them from the side. "May I talk to you in private for a moment?"

"Mmm? Something happen?"

"Nothing of immediate importance." The Aburame admitted. "I merely wished to speak to you about some things in Hinata's stead since she is… occupied."

"If she gets any more occupied it's going to be bestiality." Sakura deadpanned.

"Does that even _count_ as bestiality?" Ino frowned and tilted her head to the side in thought. "I mean he's still Naruto and he's just transformed…"

"Yes. It does. It was brought up early during the Third's rule when an Inuzuka and a Yamanaka that were dating decided to get creative in their sex lives." Kakashi replied automatically. He waited for a few moments before looking up to see, as expected, everyone staring at him incredulously. "What?"

"How… no, why?" Given the way Sakura was talking, it was clear that this had disturbed her greatly. " _Why_ do you know such a disturbing thing?"

"Oh, you know. They teach you all sorts of odd things in the ANBU." The eldest shinobi there yawned whimsically as he closed his book and started to walk away. "You learn even more at the ANBU only parties and wait long enough for the thrice over spiked drinks to kick in. You wouldn't believe some of the things that come out of our mouths."

"We rarely believe anything you say in the first place." Ino snarked.

"He's avoiding the question." Sasuke leered at his teacher. "I know for a fact that you were a shut in when you were in the ANBU and almost never went to parties."

"Never said I did." Kakashi countered with amusement as he turned to Shino. "Shall we?"

"Only if you refrain from revealing such trinkets of information in our conversation." The stern tone used would have made it seem as if he would not budge on this… unfortunately said stern tone was what he used when speaking normally so the severity lost its potency.

"Depends on what we're going to talk about. Please be gentle." With that, the man vanished in a shunshin.

Shino took a moment to turn to Sasuke and Sakura, as if to ask if he was always like this during his spare time. The two deadpanned glares of frustration he got in return answered his inquiry.

Two seconds later the pair were about a hundred meters away from the campsite and about ten in the air, standing on a rather large tree limb.

"So, care to tell me what has been eating at you for so long?" The silver haired man got directly to the point with his still careless demeanor.

Shino didn't bother to ask how the man knew already. "I'd like to hear what your assumption is first."

The cyclops slowly blinked in curiosity before shrugging. "My guess is that you're worried about Hinata. You know that this," he nodded back to the caravan, "didn't happen earlier, and are concerned about the changes it would lead to. With another actual woman after my adorable student, and Hinata as invested into him as she is, the fall out could be rather damaging if not handled right, which would lead to possible distractions that we can't afford."

Shino frowned. The man did have a point, however…

"Given from your expression, I'm assuming only partially correct. I must be slipping." Kakashi continued to keep on his lax attitude, but the glint in his eye said other things. "Care to let me know what I missed?"

"… Shion-sama remembers."

Those two words were enough to make the jonin instantly loose his composure. His posture was still relaxed, but his breathing and facial features instantly hardened. "Does she now?"

"Her powers sent her back to just before he came." The Aburame elaborated. "She's been training for this event and intends for Naruto to keep the promise he foolishly made last time. She was at the chunin exams and has seen enough to know that Naruto has come back as well."

"They've talked." Kakashi frowned.

"Only enough to know of one another's condition. Naruto's been in his fox form ever since. I suspect it's his way to prevent Shion from delving more into the matter until we are in a more secure location, but knowing him there's another reason."

"It certainly does seem that way. My student does tend to find peculiar ways to solve problems…" Despite his choice of words, Kakashi had yet to relax. "You spoke to both of them about this?"

The Aburame nodded. "Separately. Naruto first, which is how I know at all. Shion-sama is adamant about marrying and aiding Naruto. She was engaged to an aged member of the Land of Fire's court previously and wishes to avoid it if possible, but her feelings for Naruto are true from what I can determine. She knows that he likely won't reciprocate her feelings completely, and has accepted the possible outcome so long as she can help and stay by him. It was from this previous engagement that she learned of your… our… the situation at the end of last time, as well as Naruto's status. While a bit overconfident for my tastes, she has stated that she's more than willing to aid us with her abilities."

"And Naruto?" Kakashi frowned.

Shino shifted uncomfortably. "He is concerned for her wellbeing, but also of the possibility of her powers being used against us. Even I have heard rumors of her accurate future telling before receiving this mission. If she gains any more repute, I fear who would might try to come after her, but then again having her around Naruto may yield similar results. As far as I know his main goal is to ensure her safety for the long game and at the moment he believes his best option right now is to… consider, her as a potential future spouse."

"I take it this means he'd be utilizing the CRA to include Hinata on this." Kakashi quickly put the pieces together. "But whether she would approve of it or not is another thing. It really would be best to set off that bomb when we get back home."

"He knows it's risky on multiple levels, but… according to him, anyone that is capable of working around Ghost-sensei's power like that is someone to keep an eye on." The teen nodded.

"Really. And here I thought the hard part was over." Kakashi shook his head. "You do realize at this rate we may have to inform Hinata, if not the rest of your friends about our little situation right? Do you think they would be able to handle it?"

Shino remained quiet for a good amount of time. Truth be told, even he still had a hard time grasping that nearly a quarter of the major people in his life had traveled back in time, or were essentially gods in mortal form that preferred acting like lunatics.

"… I'm not certain. If we had to disclose it to everyone, it would be best to do so all at once with everyone there… and with one of our generation doing the speaking and the rest of us backing him up for support. Shikamaru would likely be the best."

"Yes. Naruto wouldn't be a good choice for that. Everyone respects and trusts him, but he's still a bit unstable and it wouldn't be good for him to deliver such news when he just got back." Kakashi nodded. "This would still cause some rifts between some of us for some time, even if we did do it right…"

"Hinata in particular." Shino agreed, already seeing the outcome. "When I think about how much she's supposedly changed… the outcome of this could become concerning."

"Ironic isn't it?" The teacher shook his head. "Sasuke was the one that turned traitor last time and we're more worried about the love struck girl's reaction to everything."

"Considering she's directly responsible for the mental wellbeing of our strongest fighter, yes, it is."

"Life's like that sometimes. One day everything's fine, the next, you have a multidimensional powerhouse of a psycho turning back time, turning the government on its head, training everyone and cooking you lunch for the hell of it. Then after all that you find out that the fate of the world lies on the romantic stability of two hormonal teenagers." Kakashi shrugged. "I like call them Tuesdays."

The man could _feel_ Shino glaring at him from behind his glasses. He also could _not_ really care less.

"I'm beginning to see why Naruto and Sakura complained so much about you both in this time and the previous."

"Now that's just mean."

"It _is_ Tuesday."

"Oh, that makes much more sense then."

"Glad to hear it."

The neutral atmosphere and calm voices of the two males did not at all match the conversation and words shared.

"So then, care to tell me what caused the Kyubi to come out earlier?" Kakashi turned the page. "I know you four don't want to talk about it, but it's kind of important after all."

Shino's expression hardened at the memory of being completely overwhelmed and running for his life with his team. It was best not to stir up more trouble when they had enough on their plate already. "No. Unless we see reason to otherwise, it's best to leave that topic be and forget it."

"Was it addressed?" The man's lone eye analyzed him skeptically.

The boy's teeth clenched. "Yes. But not by us. Sensei, trust me when I say this, the less people are aware of this, the better."

"Was it taken care of permanently?" The hidden question was clear.

"No. It was impossible for us to even try. If they _do_ come up again, which is incredibly unlikely given the circumstances, we _will_ tell everything, but only if they show again."

They. That lone word was enough to sate Kakashi's interest and at the same time make it even more ravenous. There was no doubt that Shino had let the word slip on purpose. Given how close his team had been at the time and how they had yet to encounter anyone, he could only assume that "they" consisted of a small group. Any larger and the teens wouldn't be so willing to keep quiet. It couldn't be Akatsuki either. The teens wouldn't keep quiet if it was them and it wouldn't make sense for the mercenaries to be out here in the first place.

"Out of curiosity, have we ever heard of these individuals before?" The man probed lightly.

"… No." Shino replied darkly. "We never have. And we never should have."

A subtle shiver went down Kakashi's spine. The certainty of the way the teen had made that statement ensured that something had gone far more wrong than he had thought. It indicated that something was here that shouldn't be under any reasonable or logical circumstance.

If the butterfly effect was in play, then a bunch of foreigners being here wouldn't be that surprising, but from the way that the boy was speaking, it made it sound like these individuals shouldn't even be considered as such…

… Oh. Oh… no wonder they kept quiet…

"I see." His tone seemed carefree, but his eyes had taken on a dangerous glint. "And do you truly believe that this will no longer be an issue?"

Shino seemed to figure out just from that that the man had figured out everything. "… It seems that we know people that are in considerably higher places than we originally assumed… and more troubling reputations as well."

"Honestly, Naruto really did outdo himself this time." The Jonin crossed his arms and pondered the situation. He didn't like it, not one bit. They already had enough to work on in the near future and this new problem would cause one hell of a headache for everyone if things got out of hand. Unfortunately there was little he could do at the moment. "Are you going to stay silent about this when we get back?"

"It is the best option for now. They have as much to lose as we do if they are found out." The boy adjusted his glasses for whatever time that day. Kakashi would have made a note of it, but then again it would seem hypocritical of him to do so when he had his mask.

"So it's like that." Kakashi shook his head at the absurdity of the situation. He knew leaving it alone was probably going to bite him in the ass but it was best to let the sleeping dog rest for now. "I guess there's nothing else to do for now. Go back to your team. I'll tell mine to lay off the subject. Log knows we need the rest."

Shino nodded. "Thank you. I will tell the others. Tenten has been getting a bit annoyed by the questions lately to be honest."

"Better her than Hinata, if only barely." The cyclops sighed as the boy disappeared in a shunshin. He stayed there silently for a minute before shaking his head. "I know you were listening. Care to share your thoughts?"

The forest seemed to be motionless for a short period of time before a bodiless chuckle was heard on the wind. _"Hahaha. And here I thought I had finally gotten one over you Sensei."_

"You would have if you didn't reveal you could do this in the volcano. I'm disappointed that the others didn't think of this yet. Quite a useful technique you have by the way." The only physical person there shrugged. "Seems like the sort of trick that you would probably use to cause a bit of trouble with."

" _And then some. I've made my voice come out of places it never should have been. Hello? Can you hear me? Don't trust this woman! She says she likes the kinky stuff and I've been stuck in her funky hole ever since! Get me out! It's dark and this crazy bitch likes bean burritos way too much! Every time she farts I don't know if the light I'm seeing is the other side or freedom! Either way it still smells like death!"_

Well, if there was any doubt that he had been talking to Naruto before… "I see you've kept yourself busy."

" _The key is to learn to adjust your voice just right for the muffle effect. It's just not believable if they can hear you too clearly."_ The prankster stated factually. _"Also helps if the chick you're doing this on has an infamous anal fetish."_

And that was the man's cue to change the topic of conversation. "I heard you were unconscious during the time of the event, but I want your impression on it."

The area was silent for a few more moments before the air whispered once more. _"It's best to leave it be. Unless these guys show up again, don't bring them up, especially with Ero-Ni's family."_

Kakashi frowned. "Is there something that we should know? It sounds like there is something more going on here."

Again there was a temporary silence before it was broken, seemingly by nature itself. _"… One of them that we encountered, Sylvia of the Stained Glass. I've heard of her in passing before, which alone should indicate how dangerous she is. She's crazy strong. Too strong. And she has a long history with the Family, but I was never told the whole story. I know for a fact that she will keep to herself now that she knows this is their territory and not start any trouble, but… if Shadow finds out that she's here, it's very likely that we'll all get killed in the crossfire… or the fallout."_

"Along with everyone and everything else I take it." It was hard to remember at times that the Oogakari were actually dimension destroying monsters of supposedly the highest order. Aside from the fact that they were all bat shit insane and did magnificently stupid antics near daily, they didn't seem to be capable of the things that they occasionally bragged about.

Oddly enough, the one that was closest to actually blowing their cover was Crypt simply because he always regenerated from the most horrific injuries anyone had ever seen without even batting an eyelash, and even then everyone just brushed it aside and chalked it up to his weird techniques.

" _You have no idea."_ You could practically hear the grimace in his disembodied voice.

"And you do?" Kakashi rose an eyebrow.

There was a brief moment of hesitation. _"… Sensei. I'll admit, Ero-Ni did do a number on me. I've seen and experienced terrible things that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Things that I wouldn't wish on even Madara, and that's saying something. It's going to take years to get over even half of the twisted shit that's treatable in the first place … but that wasn't the only thing that's gotten to me."_

The copy-nin frowned. Either he had conveniently missed something in the debriefing, or Ghost had actually missed something when observing his latest pet project. "It must be something pretty significant then. Ghost himself had been somewhat concerned and guilty about the results of your conditioning, although that may have been just him worried about the consequences of his actions."

" _Maybe."_ The voice chuckled absently, but it was blatantly obvious that his mind was elsewhere. _"… How strong do you think I am? Without my limitations?"_

The question caught the veteran off guard. "Hm? Well, strong is a rather vague term. Mentally I'm guessing that you're a bit subpar at the moment, but physically I'm guessing that you could probably give Pain a run for his money."

Another bodiless and humorless laugh. _"Sensei, if I went all out, I could literally destroy Ame by myself even if the entirety of Akatsuki was there easily. Not the city, but the actual country. In one attack."_

Kakashi shivered. On the one hand he was proud that his student had reached such heights, on the other… that level of power was just disturbing. "Impressive. Then what exactly is the problem?"

The silence after the question spoke miles about how uncomfortable Naruto was. _"… We're a joke."_

The ominous statement caught the man off guard. "You're going to have to be a bit more specific."

" _I… I thought that after my training, after all my experiences, I'd at least be strong enough to… after everything settled down, protect our home, our world in case someone on the off chance came. As a deterrent of sorts. I know I wouldn't be the strongest, not even close, but I'd at least be good enough to make the big guys believe that it wasn't worth the effort to do something so small."_ The grave tone of the teen's voice spoke miles.

"I take it something dissuaded you?" The man rose an eyebrow.

" _Kakashi… I've seen worlds where there are a good number of people that can destroy planets. EASILY. I've watched tournaments where they've had to make false dimensions just to hold the fights otherwise there would be too much damage done to the landscape, and even THEN it sometimes wasn't enough. There are some places where a single person in the general population is as powerful as one of our jonin, or has enough knowledge of the arcane and the unknown to fill the forbidden scroll ten times over and stuff them full of side notes. There are worlds where there isn't chakra, but technology has developed to such a point that their weapons could render life on the planet to the very dregs within a single DAY, and the standard civilian law enforcement and local gang members have weapons that make them more dangerous than a trained chunin."_ Naruto's voice became more and more stressed as he went through his explanation. _"I've seen and visited places like this and more, and even worse is that they are not uncommon."_

Kakashi started to get a sinking feeling in his stomach as he got a better idea of what his student was telling him.

" _I have met so many people, creatures, existences, and gods that, if they wanted to take over our reality, they could do so without a second thought. We are a joke sensei. Our power. Our system. Our methods. Everything is behind. Primitive. The only reason why we were safe before was simply because our realm was another blade of grass on an endless plains. Even if we all got together and fought with everything we had, Biju included, there are countless beings out there that would wipe us out. We would be FUCKED. I can't tell you how many times I've been kicked around like a ragdoll for fun just to get used to a new way that the world can be used to murder me."_

The cyclops grimaced. When Naruto put it like that, he could definitely get an idea of what the boy was going through. It really made their current problems seem quite trivial in comparison, and to be constantly be exposed to such forces probably destroyed the boy's sense of stability. This wasn't a case of "there's always someone stronger". Such a thing was normally when comparing people to people. Naruto on the other hand had been exposed to things that were people in name only, more comparable to world altering calamities in a compact state.

For the teen to state with such certainty how helpless they would be if they were ever faced with such an opponent… and to be constantly exposed to them on a daily basis…

Returning back home must have been a terrifying experience for him. He didn't realize just how weak he was, but just how helpless his home was too.

"And the Oogakari?" Kakashi asked hesitantly. "Just where do they stand on this scale of monstrosities?"

Another bitter laugh. _"That's the messed up thing Sensei. We always knew they were strong. They were constantly bragging about how they are made of pure epicness and awesome but… the monsters I talked about? They really are scared SHITLESS of them. I have literally seen Gods run away from Ero-Ni when he even hinted of getting irritated. There are dozens of documentaries focused on each of them alone. We LITERALLY have the most infamous and dangerous interdimensional monsters living among us and treating our problems like a Sunday afternoon movie. And you know what? I am so messed up now that I can actually understand their perspective without trying, and it terrifies me more than you can imagine."_

" _I watched you guys fight Moryo. Ino's technique. Hinata's power. Sasuke's strength. Everyone has gotten so much stronger, so much so that I'm not worried about them fighting Akatsuki… and I try my hardest not to laugh as if I'm talking and thinking about a competition between children. Everyone and everything we have done and are doing, just seem so small and insignificant now. My sense of scale is completely totaled to the point that things that I know are important… just don't feel like they are. It's nearly impossible for me to take anything seriously here anymore."_

Kakashi grimaced. His student was worse than he had thought, but at the same time better. Naruto's problems were far more diverse than anticipated, but the boy had also not been going through his issues lying down and had actually bothered to understand it to an adequate level instead of raging and lashing out at everyone in confusion.

To be truthful he was somewhat familiar with this issue. It wasn't uncommon for many genin and fresh chunin who get their first taste of real battle to completely snap under the pressure and the exposure of what the higher ups can do. What Naruto was dealing with was similar but different at the same time.

Normally, those that were treatable were led to believe that the village supported its own, that so long as you helped, worked with, and supported your village, it would do the same in turn. That eventually you'd be as strong as the "monsters" out there, or that you'd be helped out by the village.

Unfortunately, Naruto's concerns involved individuals that could not only waste villages, but pretty much all of the villages… at once.

Probably with both hands tied behind their backs.

Might as well throw in a blindfold too.

In short, there was no secure foundation for him to fall back on with regards to his home.

The knowledge alone would have easily been enough to drive most normal people who strived for normalcy mad and make them lose hope in everything. Naruto, who had already been off kilter to begin with, was merely stuck with being in an emotional limbo of sorts and unable to sort himself out.

In a sick way it was almost akin to having a young child loose both their parents at once and being left alone in the world… only to find out that the orphanage, the cops, and all the adults around were as likely to disappear and suffer the same fate just as easily, and THEN someone tells you that the place you're stuck in is possibly at risk of being absolutely destroyed at any given time without warning.

When Kakashi's father died, he had gone through something similar, but at least then Minato Namikaze had come to his aid. The at-the-time Jonin wasn't his father, but it was hard to not find security in a man who was considered one of the strongest shinobi on the planet and treated you so kindly.

The problem was, anybody that could and likely _would_ try to help him in this situation would likely only remind him of how absurdly overwhelming the situation was since they were either not on that level of power or couldn't comprehend the entire situation…

And the only people who _were_ powerful enough to actually give some effective support logically… were the last people anyone wanted to go to psychological help, not to mention that they were the ones responsible for his condition in the first place.

It was an unreal situation that matched the unreal circumstances that the blonde had been forced to undergo, and this time he really was incapable of getting over them.

Everyone had always joked that Naruto could handle anything with a grin on his face and a joke on his lips. He had been stuck in more absurd situations than anyone in the village had or should have, let alone in his age group. But now… now apparently he had finally hit his limit, and unfortunately it was on a scale that no one could logically, or even illogically, reason out for him.

Kakashi comprehended what his student was going through, but he doubted he would ever truly understand it completely until he was exposed to what Naruto had.

"… And after the show is over?" The elder of the two inquired. "What happens then? Are we left on our own?"

" _No."_ Some of the stress that had been present in the disembodied voice had vanished with the word. _"At the very least, we won't be left to dry. You must have heard about it too, that we are being tested in a way? Once we pass, our universe will be considered officially Family territory. Like the mob. We'd be under their protection. Me and a few of us would be urged to go out every now and then for certain tasks and events, but at the very least we wouldn't be left out to fend for ourselves."_

"Any other benefits?" Kakashi's dry retort served its purpose of lightening the mood. "Insurance? Pay? Rare artifacts? A harem of green skinned alien women?"

" _We'd have to get it in writing, but they're all definitely possible."_ Naruto's voice pondered seriously. _"Although it would be difficult with the harem request at our level. Green skinned humanoids were still rather high in demand when I left. We'd have to pull some strings and hope Scab won't exploit us too much if we have to tap into his services…"_

A giant sweatdrop fell down the back of the silver haired man's head. He had been joking, but apparently what was considered extreme and farfetched here was perfectly normal in other worlds. "I'll keep that in mind. Apparently I underestimated the fetishes in other worlds."

" _It would be best if you made your request early for the long term. The blue skinned woman market has been practically a roller coaster of a market the past few years from what I heard, so if you have any changes in preferences its best to have them now. Red and pink skinned women on the other hand are pretty low in demand in general despite being less common, so it shouldn't be that hard to get some of those on a budget."_ The fox continued factually, clearly distracted by his thoughts. _"Then again the value tends to spike dramatically when you get into dark purple territory ever since the unions started to act up last year, and there were those operations that can change colors... they're easy to spot, but some people don't care that much…_

"Well we can't say that you haven't been studying economics and markets at least." Kakashi was somewhat depressed that listening to Naruto once more speak of such absurd things as if they were mundane was a sign that he was regaining some resemblance of mentally stability.

" _You kidding? Do you have any idea how easy it is to spot global market conspiracies with the limited technology our world, chain them together, and find out key players in economic warfare? Gato should have been pegged for the shit he was pulling years before we got to wave if anyone competent and connected got on the job. If I look at the paperwork, I wouldn't be surprised if I find out that Orochimaru has been playing the markets since he defected in order to fund Oto. Extorting a country is easy enough, but it takes serious bank to fund an entire military and even more secret bases with expensive equipment."_

He really should have stopped the blonde when he was ahead. "Well, if the elemental nations undergo an economic fallout, you'd be the first person I'll turn to."

" _No. Scab will probably be behind it for some reason… or have found out whose responsible. Odds are likely he pretty much owns a quarter of the continent's economy by now. Apparently it's a hobby of his."_ It was unnerving how casually he stated such terrifying information.

"Hopefully he treats us better than Zabuza." Kakashi made no attempt to hide his twitching eye.

" _Of course he will. He knows that a happy work force leads to less headaches, accidents, mass suicides, murders, wild animals, unexplained pregnancies, cramps, drugs, thefts, riots, bleeding from the eyes, constipation, lawsuits, and potential spies. It just so happens that he tends to make it so that most people don't know he owns them."_ Apparently, Naruto's trauma was significantly lessened when he was speaking of subjects that would traumatized others. _"As for Zabuza… eh. Scab's a sadist, remember? He enjoys making grown men and women cry."_

"A trait that I fear has been spreading as of late."

" _Yeah, Ino really looks really violent now. Might want to get her looked at."_ The blonde clearly missed his teacher's accusing tone.

It was times like this that Kakashi was glad he had most of his face hidden and years of experience in hiding his thoughts. "… Well I can see that this conversation has gone completely off kilter. Since we have pretty much covered everything that I wanted, against my better judgment, is there anything important left you want to cover before I leave you to once more be smothered by Hinata?"

" _Save me?"_

"Subjects that are in the realm of possible are preferable."

" _Hmmm. Nothing important seems to be going on otherwise you'd bring it up by now… and we've decided to talk about Shion when we get… home… oh shit."_

"A problem?" Kakashi didn't like last second warnings.

" _Of sorts."_ You could hear the wince in his voice. _"You need to tell this to everyone, but don't let Ero-Ni near Shion."_

"Why do I have a feeling that you aren't worried about him sexually harassing the girl?"

" _What are you nuts? If I can't stop him messing with Hinata what makes you think I can stop him with Shion?"_ The dry laugh wasn't comforting. _"No this is more serious. If Shion sees Ero-Ni up close she will go literally insane."_

"… Ok I'll bite. I know that Ghost is a pain to deal with at times but causing people to go catatonic literally on sight is pushing it. How does that work?" Kakashi had heard of a lot of things before, but this was admittedly a first.

" _You know how Ero-ni is supposedly the final apocalypse in human form? Well the way his powers work tends to really mess with people and beings that interact and read possible futures. Something to do with the denial and destruction of realities that are no longer possible but still technically existed, leading to contradictory false possibilities in the same theoretical but no longer existing timespace. I couldn't really follow it that much."_

Kakashi blinked owlishly. "… THAT explanation was you not following it? This coming from the same child that needed nearly everything spelled out for him?"

"… _You start jumping between worlds frequently, you tend to pick up on a few things. Make no mistake though, outside of summoning I suck major balls when it comes to the application of most timespace ninjutsu."_

"So no Hiraishin then."

" _Mom and Dad gave up trying to teach me after I accidentally somehow fused a horse and a mongoose when I tried to teleport."_

"Well, things do tend to go wrong when you mess with the fabric of reality."

" _I was on a glacier in the middle of nowhere, and the only seals I was working with were three meters away from me. It breathed enough fire to set half the sea ablaze. Then it called me overlord papa."_

Kakashi made a mental note to thank whatever merciful god out there that Naruto had not somehow managed to distort the summoning technique when Jiraiya first taught him into an abomination of untold horrors. "… So about that thing about people that can see the future going crazy near Ghost?"

" _When the poor bastards with the ability actually look and interact with him, they have a bad habit of actually getting a face full of… non-existence? The void? The beyond outside of the beyond? Take your pick of what it's called, there's a ton of names of it. Bottom line, they see things that their minds really can't comprehend and end up vegetables if they aren't experienced or prepared for it. I barely managed to recover from being exposed to it for a second the one time I was shown, and I had been prepping for it for almost a month beforehand. It's serious messed up shit. Once saw this old woman look at him from across the street and drop with a scream and foam coming from her mouth completely brain dead. Sad thing is that no one even knew she was a seer in the first place."_

"Yeah, I can definitely see how seeing that can ruin someone's day." Of course this wouldn't be as easy as he thought. "Hopefully Ghost and the family aren't so cruel as to provoke a repeat performance."

" _Of course not, but that doesn't mean that an accident won't happen if precautions aren't taken."_

"It's not often that you take the priority like this. Didn't she say she was at the chunin exams though?" Kakashi frowned. "Ghost was the proctor. She should have seen him and had an episode then."

" _The effects vary from person to person. Shion's power is based less on "vision" and more on "transfer", so the effect would be less severe in her case when she saw him. Plus the Daimyo's box was pretty high up. At that distance I wouldn't be surprised if she only just got a headache and figured out that he was… wrong would be the best word to use in this case."_

"Well at least we don't have to worry about her dying on us from seeing him from down the road." That still left assassinations, kidnapping, poisonings, Akatsuki, bounties, brainwashing, "accidents", the occasional fangirl… and Hinata to deal with.

" _Now you're just complaining."_

"Shut up. Some of us are still trying to be normal."

" _Low blow sensei. Low blow."_ The wind hissed.

Kakashi held back a smile. As disturbed as his student was at the moment, as changed as he was, he was still at the core the same person that drove everyone nuts three years ago. That alone was far more relieving than he would ever admit or was able to describe. "So how much longer are you going to be lazy and rely on Hinata for protection? If you stay in your holy land for much longer your body might get dull."

" _Don't remind me. I'll figure something out. Don't worry, I don't plan on running away again anytime soon."_

The man could practically hear the wind sigh with the statement. "We all have to do things we aren't happy with. If it makes you feel any better, I'll let my group know beforehand that you're going to stretch your tail soon."

" _Joy. Now they'll be prepared."_

"Better them than Hinata."

" _Don't remind me. She'd probably hold me in a bear hug while I turned back to try to stop me from getting away."_

"The girl know what she wants."

" _Damn you sensei. Damn you very much…"_

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the Land of Earth:

"… What the hell is a civilian doing here?"

There person asking the question put no restraint in voicing his question as he and the rest of his comrades stared at the almost painfully flamboyantly dressed man casually walked through the base as if he was invincible.

He was a handsome individual. Black short hair, high cheekbones, white teeth, somewhat pale, carrying a scent of expensive perfume, no calluses on his hands, tall, in shape, in a robe that screamed either nobility, or at the very least wealthy, enough facial hair to be considered fashionable…

And carrying a briefcase with him, which from experience told the shinobi that one of two things were inside. Either there was a LOT of money inside, or a trap… or both.

The way he looked around himself, how he carried himself, and how he walked was more than enough to tell anyone that he was a civilian. Not a single movement of his held any purpose other than to look good doing so.

The obvious outsider looked around casually as if he wasn't being sized up by an entire room full of men and women that can and were very much contemplating killing him then and there. "Hmm. If this is all the resistance has to offer, then I suppose that it is fortunate that I appeared when I did."

Any outburst that would have come from those watching him were interrupted as a masked shinobi appeared in front of him with a shunshin. "Yoshi-sama. I believe I advised you from making any unnecessary comments while here."

The addressed man nodded. "My mistake. I let my thoughts get the better of me. I will take better care of my words while in this dwelling from now on."

"Oi. What the hell is this? Since when did we do show and tell for the spoiled shits of Iwa that have trouble wiping their own asses?" One of the many rebels shouted, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"That's for those important enough to make decisions to know and you to find out when we deem necessary." The noble evenly replied. "Trust me, I rather not be in this meager dwelling in the middle of nowhere for any longer than needed, much like you."

"And what's preventing you from leaving at all?" A kunoichi snorted before flicking a wrist to produce a kunai. "Better yet, what's to stop us from getting rid of a possible leak?"

The only shinobi that seemed to be familiar with the stranger appeared between the two sides. Visually there was nothing spectacular about him. Standard equipment. Standard uniform. Standard headgear. "Me for one. The deal he has approached us with another."

"I represent a rather influential group of individuals that have taken an interest in your ordeals." The wealthy looking man smiled confidently, lifting up the briefcase. "This, my friends, is not payment for a job. It is a simple down payment. A token compared to what will come your way should we come to an agreement, and I assure you my employers are being exceptionally generous."

"How much are you talking?" Another shinobi there asked skeptically.

The guard stepped forward and made eye contact with seemingly everyone there. "Enough that you will all shut up right now or else the higher ups will execute all of you for risking this thing before we can even get to negotiations, regardless of whether or not it happens. Lack of man power be damned."

His voice was even and calm, but the threat was loud and clear. The proof was in the fact that no one else in the room let out a word of discontent or frustration, instead settling for glaring at the two newcomers with more than a good deal of annoyance.

"Quite a friendly lot, aren't they?" The nobleman smiled wryly as he turned to his guard.

"Please do not make this more difficult than it already is."

"Of course. That would make what I am trying to do more strenuous. I have as much at risk as you do."

"What, his pretty face and manicured nails?" One shinobi muttered to a friend in the back.

"Yes, that was what I was hired to be after all." The pretty face smiled genuinely. "An easily replaceable pretty face to serve as the mask for the dreadfully ugly activities and organization that I represent. The fact that I am here merely means that I am only a bit more appealing to work with than my nameless and countless counterparts."

A subtle chill went down the shinobi's spines. It wasn't often that they dealt with non-shinobi that willingly considered themselves expendable and replaceable so easily. Most were either brainwashed or incredibly loyal to their bosses. Either way, it rarely meant anything good when they did willingly show up to deal with them.

Shinobi weren't the only ones capable of highly secretive conspiracies and atrocities against nature after all.

As fanatic as many of them were about Iwa, Konoha, and the entire situation going on, they were still experienced shinobi and could spot a major red light when it was there.

"We have delayed long enough." The lone guard muttered as he motioned to a doorway to the side of the one that they had come in from. "We must meet with the leaders."

With a silent nod and a cheerful smile, the man followed his escort through the windowless hallways until he reached a door, which was opened for him moments later to reveal a U shaped table opened up at the door and roughly a dozen fully armed men and women sitting around it.

The fact that there was no chair for the newcomer was not missed.

"So this is the weakling with the sharp tongue and the bag of goods?" A middle aged man asked, although it was difficult to determine even that much since, like the guard, his entire head and body was covered to prevent his identity getting out, much like every other shinobi in the room.

"Clearly. He's the only one in this base that smells like a woman." A gruff muffled voice to the right. "Could practically tell he was here the second he stepped inside.

"Careful. Some might mistake that for jealousy." A larger man chuckled darkly from the left.

"Enough." The one at the head of the table snapped, causing them all to go quiet. "We did not gather to gossip like children. We gathered to do business, and engage in a transaction that may very well turn the tides of this farce of a civil war to our favor. Several of our backers have pulled away recently, not that we had many to begin with, and this may be exactly what we need to turn the tides."

"How do we know that the group this little runt is working for isn't behind them running away?" What appeared to be a woman argued. "This could be a trap."

"If they are behind it, then I am afraid that I was not there when they discussed it." The messenger bowed apologetically. "I am merely here to offer the deal that you all have hopefully been informed of."

The shinobi looked at one another warily. The man had all but stated that while he was not informed of his employer's activities, the idea that they were possibly behind other political and national snafus was not surprising to him in the slightest. He, and by association those he worked for, were not new to this game. As such they really could be walking into a trap, or they could just as likely be looking at their salvation.

Or, even worse… it could be both, and they would end up being indebted and under the control of this group when the dust settled.

"Kill him now." One kunoichi grunted. "I can already tell that we will be damned if we listen to any more of his honeyed words. Whatever he has, it isn't worth it. It would be like signing a deal with the Shinigami."

"Ironic considering that's how Namikaze actually died." The noble sighed absently… before noticing that everyone was staring at him. "… Too soon?"

"All the world knows is that the Fourth Hokage died by sealing away the Kyubi." The man at the head of the table stated gravely. "You mean to tell us that you know such highly classified information as to the method that he used?"

"I heard it in passing. Something about a forbidden technique and exchanging the user's soul, but I prefer to stay away from such dreadful subjects." The man shrugged carelessly. "I also heard that he got speared through the chest along with his wife by the fox at some point. Both sources were reliable, so my guess is that they both happened."

"So it wasn't the Uchiha that weakened it after all." One man muttered.

"That all but disproves the rumors of another wood user too." Another mused.

"The hell it is. I know what I saw. That ANBU was using Hashirama's techniques." What sounded like a bitter woman hissed.

"Quiet!" The leader spoke firmly. Not loud, but in a way that got his voice out to everyone without issue. "We can discuss this new information later. Do not forget why we and our guest are here."

"Yes. Our guest." One of the larger men to the side mused, looking at the noble skeptically. "Do tell boy, how did you manage to get into contact with us, let alone get this far without your throat slit?"

"Unfortunately, how my organization initially contacted you is outside of my knowledge. The one that catches your interest is different than I, who is tasked to close the deal." Once more the fashionably dressed man bowed apologetically.

"That seems rather counterproductive for a group that prides itself on secrecy." One woman snorted.

"Oh, there may have been a miscommunication. You see, the one you spoke to earlier only knew that we wished to organize an agreement and some of the numbers involved." The man picked himself up and lifted the briefcase in front of him. With a few pressed buttons and flipped switches, he opened it, making sure that everyone saw what he was doing so that there would be as little suspicion as possible.

Inside the container were stacks upon stacks of thousand ryo bills neatly organized and bundled together.

"I on the other hand, am entrusted with the information that want to know for this exchange." The man smiled genuinely. "Fifty million Ryo. Unmarked. Untraceable. Clearly not fake. And all yours as a down payment and a sign of trust."

The shinobi in the room remained silent as they looked at the substantial amount of money in front of them. They had been given donations before, but never in such amounts up front, and this was a mere front for what was to come. It was not enough to fund their operations completely, but it sure as hell would lighten the load for them in the near future.

"What should we expect should we complete this agreement that you are suggesting?" One woman hesitated in a way that told the others there that she had licked her lips in thought. Such a tell instantly had half of them running through the names of who she could be, and of those half a third were right.

"Should everyone be satisfied, I am told that my employers are more than willing to provide at least a dozen more suitcases identical to this one. Contents included of course."

Six. Hundred. Million. Ryo. For one completed job. If they had that kind of money their revolution would be all but set. Hell, it would take at least ten S ranked bounties to get that sort of bank quickly.

"This is too good to be true." One of the men in the back grimaced. "That kind of money. There is no way we would manage to do whatever it is this pussy's boss wants without losing everything. Kill him now and take the case. It's already more than what we expected to get from him."

"Are you fucking kidding?" Another snapped. "We're on the verge of collapsing from the inside out! Mutiny. Lack of food, medicine, funds, let alone places to hide. We need this!"

"We wouldn't be in this mess if someone's division could get their numbers straight… or do their jobs right if the rumors are right." A woman to the right snorted. "The way I see it, this would be a grand opportunity for anyone with the right fingers to get what they think is their due."

The arguments and accusations between the powerful individuals went back and forth with increasing vigor as they decided on whether or not to kill the man, steal his money, or actually agree with his deal for the biggest score they might ever get in their lives.

The noble didn't utter a single word as he merely closed the briefcase again and tucked it away while keeping an ear out for any and every slip of information that left the shinobi's mouths.

Money always did have mysterious ways of making people talk.

"Enough!" The head shinobi didn't hold back his irritation this time as he hit the table in front of him and made the entire room shake, instantly silencing the area. The populace wisely kept quiet this time as they waited for him to speak for several tense seconds. "We will see what this man wishes of us, and then, and only then, will we decide on what action we take."

A not so subtle glare directed at him was all the noble needed to know he had taken center stage. Unlike before though, his easy going smile had a bit of a strain to it, no doubt from being exposed to the brief show of unnatural power that reverberated throughout the room.

"Yes, well, in essence, what my employer wishes for you to do is something that you were already considering." He started evasively… initially. "Just for clarification though, you are still in possession of the still living Hana of the Three Planes and Snake Mistress Anko Mitarashi, correct?"

The room went dead quiet. The two girls were indeed still alive, but their existences was a maliciously kept secret. The punishment for speaking of them out of place was death.

"Why, may I ask would you think that we are holding two S ranked Kunoichi from Konoha here?" One man asked firmly. "As far as anyone knows, they are still working for the Leaf and out doing whatever."

Again an innocent smile was put on. "All I know is what my employers have informed me. This is also how I know that your group here is not responsible for their current state as well. I am unfortunately unable tell you what means or events were employed to come to these conclusions, however I have learned to never underestimate the information gathering capabilities of my superiors. They always seem to know things that… as you can see… tend to displease others should they be known."

They had a deep leak. They were being watched.

This flimsy looking dipshit was not coming with an offer from heaven.

He had come with a gilded ultimatum.

"They are alive. I will not tell you where they are being kept, and if your so called superiors are as good as you claim then they already know where the bitches are anyways." The man at the front stated evenly. "Now before I do lose my patience and kill you for humiliating us, what is it that you want from us regarding them, and what do you mean when you said that we were already contemplating it?"

"Why, their execution of course." The man shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, getting more than a few blinks from those there. "You are planning on holding it in Iwagakure, correct? It is not often that such prominent individuals are held captive under their enemies for so long. Likewise, it is less so that such powerful individuals are ended within the sight of, well, normal people. Should they be publically executed, oh… how often does one get the opportunity to knowingly observe the beginning of something as monumental as a full blown war?"

"And your employer's reasons?" The leader inquired darkly.

"Who knows? I certainly don't and have long since given up trying to do so. Shinobi aren't the only ones that kill others for asking the wrong questions, and I still very much like living." There was no lie in his voice. No hesitation, and no trepidation. "Although, if I were to hazard a guess, it would be related to the rather generous amounts of money that is promised. Even I am rather curious as to the large sums involved. This is easily the largest deal of this nature I have been involved with."

He had done this before. _They_ had done this before. More than a few shinobi in the room had already made mental notes to go over some of the more recent deaths of prominent and important individuals once they had the time.

"What the hell do these _gentlemen_ desire?" One of the kunichi inquired with curiosity. "Do they wish some private time with the girls before they die? Or to meet them in person? Forgive me for being rude, but I do not believe that is possible. They have been rather difficult to manage to say the least. I doubt they would appreciate dying, and we would prefer to get paid."

This had the man's attention. "Oh? I had heard that they were in your care for almost a month now, but they are still that lively? How interesting. Of course, they are S ranked so it should be expected but still." He shook his head. "Ah. My apologies. I let my curiosity get the better of me. To answer your question, all my employers wish is for you to perform your public execution of the pair in Iwa on a week of their choosing, and to keep them alive until then."

"That's it?" Frowned one of the largest men there.

"What do you mean that's it?" The woman next to him snorted. "He's basically telling us when we should start the third Shinobi War. If that's not power I don't know what is."

"Certain groups would be able to profit immensely should they have such exact information…" Another man mused carefully. "We could too, come to think of it. Especially with the sizeable down payment."

"Enough to match their final payment?" Ribbed a woman next to him.

"… Possible, but not without an ungodly amount of luck. Playing the markets is the same as playing the casinos, only it's harder to cheat and get away without getting caught. With the amount we'd be moving I wouldn't be surprised if someone traced all the cash back to us within a month. I'd rather stick with what's assured and safe."

"I don't know if anyone got the memo, but we are still having trouble finding out exactly how to get the two bitches there in the first place." A younger sounding male snarked. "Last idiot who tried to interrogate them ended up getting a finger bitten off. And he's the only guy that could stand being in the same room as those two without running away or passing out. You can tell they're demons just by being near them. They're starved, dehydrated, still wounded something fierce, and we've been leaking a nerve blocking poison into their cells and after all that we can barely classify them as manageable."

"We'll figure something out. Between all of us, I'm sure we'll be able to figure out a way to knock them out for a while."

"That will all simply make the impact of the execution even greater." It was no secret that the civilian's casual demeanor was starting to get on the nerves of everyone there.

"Out of curiosity boy, what is to stop us from simply killing you and taking the down payment alone?" An aged voice in the back inquired. "Surely the temptation of the completed job must not only precaution you have taken."

"I'm not sure to be honest, however I am somewhat certain that it has something to do with me being knocked out shortly before being handed the briefcase." The innocence of his statement belied just how dangerous he sounded to the others. "I believe that something is set up where the money will be rendered useless should I die, however I have no intention of verifying this to be honest. I rather enjoy living. The women are prettier on this side from what I've heard."

"I'd bet my share that they have a seal master." Spat out one of the younger sounding men. "Good luck getting around that. If they're good enough to find out about the girls, they're good enough to have a decent sealer under their pay with an array to match."

"Who's the best sealer here?" Another man asked curiously.

"I am." An old man grunted. "I was there for Roshi's sealing and did Han's. I might be able to do something, but we'd have to actually find the seal on him and the money first. I can think of a dozen ways to make this blow up in our faces before our fingers twitch, and that's only if we don't take into account redundant seals. From an economic standpoint, it would be better and safer to just say we're doing the job and then don't."

"Is now a bad time to point out that if you do agree to my employer's wishes, you will be required to write and sign a blood contract that ensures that you comply under penalty of the money going in flames and information about your group being released to the public?"

You had to give credit where it was due, the civilian didn't flinch too badly as everyone glared at him with killing intent as he held out the written contract.

"It's non-negotiable I'm afraid. On the plus side we won't blame you if things develop out of your control by accident. Third parties. Sabotage. Etc."

The paper had vanished from his hand without any warning and reappeared on the table in front of what appeared to be the leader.

"That's a copy, in case you were wondering." The civilian continued sheepishly, trying to ignore the angry glares. "It wouldn't be the first time someone's tried to destroy the real thing the second it's been brought out during negotiations, though destroying the real thing from what I understand would also render your payment useless."

"I don't know about everyone else here, but it seems like whoever this guy works for has a lawyer that used to be an experienced shinobi." A woman shook her head in frustration. "Don't we have any of those?"

"Even if they grew the balls to rebel or spy, they wouldn't last long." Another woman shook her head. "Anybody that's assigned to work in a major desk job gets a seal on them to prevent them from revealing any confidential information. Depending on where they sit the reaction could be inability to talk up to instant heart failure. You need to have exclusive permission to get anything out of them. Even if you're an elite jonin you wouldn't have access without the right backing."

There was a bit of an animosity between the "desk monkeys", shinobi that ended up performing bureaucratic and paperwork jobs as a living, and the frontline soldiers. The former frequently complained about the smaller pay and dealing with idiots that couldn't go on a mission without getting killed or needed something covered up. The latter complained of the lazy pussies that did nothing but count numbers and be too wordy for their own good.

The life expectancy difference between the two groups didn't help things either.

"Well shit." The first female sighed disappointed.

"As it stands…" The voice of the leader carried over all the voices again, prompting everyone to be quiet. "… The agreement is that we shall execute Hana of the Three Plaines and Snake Mistress Anko Mitarashi on a week of your employer's choosing, in Iwa, for six hundred and fifty million Ryo, the fifty being paid up front. Willingly turning back on the deal or killing you will render our payment unsalvageable, however we will be reimbursed should we put an effort into upholding our end. Is that correct?"

"Outside of the common stipulations and specifications that are on your copy, yes." The man nodded. "And once the deed is done you will be paid in the manner of your choosing."

A slow nod was seen. "Please leave. You understand that this is not a decision that can be made easily or quickly."

"Big decisions of this nature rarely are." The noble bowed deeply. "I take it my escort is the same?"

"You will be guided to your room, where you will stay. My apologies if our accommodations do not match your expectations." He continued without even acting as if the other has spoken.

"Fear not. I managed to arrive here appearing as such. I shall manage this ordeal as well. My thanks for your hospitality." The affluent looking man did not bother to react to the layers of killing intent directed at him as he turned to walk out the door, nor when he heard it closed behind him. "Quite a friendly lot aren't they?"

His escort glared at him briefly before returning to a neutral demeanor and walking down the hallway. "Your room is this way."

"My thanks. Hopefully there is an attached bathroom and a mirror. Addressing one's image to this degree with just a pocket mirror is far more difficult than you could imagine."

"We wouldn't know. We rarely have need for such unnecessary products."

"Yes well, those in my occupation rarely have the luxury of wearing masks wherever we go." The civilian snorted as he took out a compact mirror and inspected himself.

He had little doubt that the leaders of the rebellion were thinking of ways to turn the situation more to their advantage, greedy pigs. Shinobi tended to be rather poor losers whenever someone beat them in the stealth and secrecy game.

It wouldn't be hard for them to find out which nobles were in Iwa and why during the time of the execution, and from there simply interrogate them one by one until they hit paydirt.

As if it would be that simple. Even as a civilian he could think of at least a dozen different ways to make it not worth the effort and make them give up without tilting their hands in the slightest. The easiest would be simply having the rebel's original funders go to Iwa first under some pretense and then have them "invite" his clients by simple coincidence among many others. Then simply have that chain a few more times and there would be like looking for a golden thread in an elaborate tapestry. There would be no way that the shinobi would risk infuriating and insulting the ones supporting them from behind the scenes. The ones here were led by their emotions and pride for the most part, but that didn't mean that they were completely stupid.

In addition to that, there was the chance that they would simply turn the deal down. It really was a bit heavy handed, especially with the numbers they were dealing with, but he had come at a particularly low point in the rebellion. Morale, resources, men, support were now at an all-time low as the hype of Namikaze's son being who he was finally began to die off among the slightly more sensible crowd, and would likely only continue as time went on.

He supposed that was what his employers were counting on. The deal was too good to be true, but on the flip side of the coin, the truth of their situation was just about too much for them to handle regardless.

Thankfully, he was a rather talented salesman with a great pitch and magnificent items that the consumer would no doubt desire. "Face to face negotiations require such trivialities, and quality products can be what save your life in such cases. No chakra. No mask. Just simple self control, a slightly educated vocabulary, a bath, and enough powder and smear to hide away the facial tells of nervousness and perspiration."

The shameless admittance did manage to get the shinobi to let lose a small chuckle of amusement. He was still annoying, but the civilian managed to get a few points of respect right there. "I'll keep it in mind."

The pair walked through the halls for several minutes, avoiding and ignoring any other shinobi that crossed their path. It was a rather peculiar sight given that the men and women there, much like the building, were all fairly Spartan while the outsider might as well have dressed like a peacock.

"Your room." The door opened to reveal a rather dreary and simple room with a desk, table, two chairs, dresser, bed, and an attached bathroom and shower. "For your information, this is one of the more elaborate rooms in this base."

"If that's the case then I hate to see where you stay, and I will admit that you are a vastly greater man than myself." The diplomat walked in without any hesitation and moved to the two bags that were lying on the bed, filled with his clothes and other items that he had deemed necessary for the trip.

"I could say the same. Your impression of a noble is rather impressive." The masked man replied, causing the newcomer to pause and look behind skeptically.

"I thought it was obvious. Since when did nobility take the trouble to come out here alone to do such backwater deals?" The snide tone he had was no doubt a mocking jab at real nobles in the world. "I may enjoy walking, looking and eating like a duck, but quacking like them is where I draw the line, and I do like wandering about in places outside of the same ponds every now and then."

"Instead you chirp like a pretty bird. It is far more effective for your line of work no doubt." Another sarcastic laugh escaped the shinobi's mouth. "Considering how well off you appear it seems to have worked well for you. You walked in the room without a hitch, telling that this neither surprises you nor do you consider it beneath you, meaning you're used to it. You must be quite talented to rise as far as you have."

"Nobles have fallen in droves behind the scenes before. It's not illogical to assume that those in the lower class cannot achieve the opposite. A lie here. A penny there, and you have a new noble family in place with loyalties firmly in place and a fake history to support it all that no one will challenge." The negotiator shrugged and turned back to his equipment.

"True, but nobles tend to ignore the rumors that run through the lower levels."

"I am here to negotiate and come to an accord with your leaders my friend, not swap stories that may or may not be true." He began to take out his rather expensive looking clothes and check them for wrinkles. Silently he hoped that they would have adequate clothes cleaning appliances here.

"And ones that regard all of the elemental nations?"

"Which ones? You shinobi tend to come up with those almost as frequently as you kill people." A bark of laughter escaped the composed civilian's mouth. "The Hokage is pregnant. The Raikage is preparing for war. Again. Madara Uchiha is still alive. The Kazekage has become a god and demands that his servants take time in the middle of the day to bow to his power. The Wind Daimyo is trying to bankrupt his homeland for a gold gilded pool… actually that one is partially true. He did dip into his country's accounts for a golden hot tub. Two of them if memory serves."

"Almost makes me pity them." The shinobi muttered.

"The world has already ended. The Fourth Mizukage was brainwashed during the entirety of his rule. Half of the nobles in the land of fire are secretly Senju. Puppet masters have secret conventions in the Land of Iron. There are people living on the moon waiting to kill us all. Kusa is secretly trying to make bloodline crossbreeds. Konoha is trying to brainwash the world to worship a piece of wood. My personal favorite is the one that says that Kirigakure is secretly breeding underwater krill summons to take control over all shipping lanes in the next twenty years."

The door closed behind the shinobi quietly. "What about the one where four of the big five nations are secretly preparing for war against a new threat and left Iwa out of the loop?"

There was a brief pause. "I haven't heard of that one before."

"No. I guess you haven't… but I wouldn't be surprised if your bosses have."

"You make it sound like I can simply ask them such sensitive things and not expect to be killed. As I said before, I am expendable. My acceptance of that is what makes me so highly valued to my clients."

"I never said that you should."

"I'm working with people that are handing out over six hundred million ryo to schedule a pair of executions. I doubt that you can make it worth my while to stick out my neck any more than it currently is."

"… And if I make it worth _their_ while?"

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the Land of Swamps:

"We are dead." Zeke muttered for the hundredth time as he paced around the campfire, a spare set of pants replacing what had been destroyed several days earlier and bandages covering the wounds that couldn't be healed immediately. "We are so fucking dead."

"Calm down Zeke." The elderly Dimitri sighed, knowing that it wouldn't do him any good. "We got our scare. They know this isn't intentional."

"Our hands are tied." Specks evenly stated. "We gave our word that we wouldn't trespass into active territory. The fact that the owners here stay in the background despite knowing of us, but still go out of their way to let us know tells that they are not foolish and lazy. They will know that this isn't of our doing or planning."

"Yeah, but you know how the guys upstairs get whenever someone screws up their fun, even if it was by accident." The only one standing argued back. "Fuck. I've only met three existences in my life that were big enough to actually claim universes by themselves, Stained Glass included. I don't know about you guys, but they all scare the _shit_ out of me."

"I never would have guessed." The sensor deadpanned. "You joined in on this venture knowing that this realm was claimed."

"You know better than I do that most sealed off realms are just long term side projects to pricks upstairs." The pugilist leered at the well-dressed man. "Any being that can actually seal off a realm as well as this one would probably have ventures and more important things elsewhere. This place should be nothing more than an incubator put off to the side."

"Your fears are completely understandable. You are just strong enough to comprehend just how absurd and overwhelming such existences are. My first experience with those on that scale was no picnic either." The old man shrugged.

Zeke frowned as he glanced at Dima. "Compared to what you went through nearly anything is a cakewalk old man. It's no secret you're a survivor of-"

"Sylvia knows the current situation and is in contact with whoever owns this domain." The sensor interrupted. It would do no one good to make _that_ particular incident the main topic of conversation. "She may be a bit flighty for my preference, but she is well aware of what is at stake. Even she is at risk should the owners come to the wrong conclusion about us. Perhaps if we knew who they were we might be able to negotiate something, but as it stands it is best that we are stuck on the sidelines."

"I doubt she's in any real danger." The most experienced one there muttered under his breath. "That woman has a history of getting out of absurd situations. That power of hers has frustrated more than a few that cast far greater shadows."

"But you're "Flash Bang" Dimitri." Zeke turned to the man skeptically. "You're a pretty damn big name all things considered, even if you aren't exactly a God Class. Even Stained Glass took you seriously when you came to her asking about this place. Your reputation isn't that bad as well, you get along with pretty much everyone. Wouldn't the owners hear you out? You know, so we can mitigate the fallout before it bites us in the ass?"

"You assume that I haven't made my own enemies over the centuries." Snorted the veteran bitterly. "Make no mistake, there are a good number of people and some gods after my head. So long as we don't know who they are, it's best we wait for them to come to us and hope they are in a pleasant mood. That means presence use is a minimum. Just because we've been pegged doesn't mean we're given free rein to go all out."

"Quite the opposite." Specks sighed as he leaned back against the tree. His eyes looking at the sky around him. "They know where to look now and who we are. It wouldn't be hard for them to find us if we mess up. The scary thing is that I can't see how they're doing it. Best I can assume is that they either have a function of some sort set up around the world or they're tapping into the planet's natural system. Well those or their sensory abilities naturally expand that far."

Zeke let out a loud grunt of frustration as he scratched at his head. "Fat load of help you are. You can look into the very nature and full history of anything that meets your gaze, down to how many times a person crapped themselves as a baby… but you couldn't see Carmen getting kidnapped by some timespace manipulating prick until it was too late."

o. o. o.

Amegakure:

"What your intention with this?" Pain stared emotionlessly at "Tobi's" latest acquisition. It wasn't often that the "inspiration" of Akatsuki came out into the open with something new, but whenever it did happen, things changed.

The woman, under what was no doubt a genjutsu, was clearly a foreigner. She was taller, curvier, and her facial structure was different than what was found on any of the demographics in the area. If she had been a local, the leader of Akatsuki would have at best assumed she her parentage involved a cross of some sort between the tan desert dwellers of the Land of Wind and the peculiar colored populace in the Land of Lightning.

What really stood out though was that under her unappealing and rather dirty outer cloak, the woman seemed to be carrying and _composed_ of a massive array of metallic contraptions and devices that neither of them had ever seen the like of before. What was even more astounding was that much of what made up her body had been concealed by what seemed to be a perfect layer of skin that would cover up everything when folded up inside.

"Tobi", being the only one of the two that had something that resembled a sense of humor, momentarily wondered if they were looking at Sasori's soul mate. She certainly was more impressive to look at and easier to look at than the Scorpion, that much was certain.

"A simple question with many answers." The masked man didn't so much as twitch. "I found her near where we felt the Kyubi. The beast had destroyed the mountain next to the one she was on, and it was by simple chance that I had appeared near her."

"We are to capture the fox last." Pain's face and voice didn't change, but the hidden warning was clear.

"I was only gathering information." The Uchiha didn't even react to it. "You are as curious as I, are you not? The boy had disappeared for years, only to show up on the wrong side of the elemental nations wielding the full might of the fox's power. You would likely have done the same had it been within your power."

The "god" ignored the subtle jab at his power. "And what have you learned?"

Tobi held back a sigh. Nagato was a very capable and powerful pawn and leader, but his conversational skills were lacking. "Other than the fact that the boy can supposedly manifest the full fox to the point that he can destroy mountains from miles away? Not that much. Like I said, my first jump was not that accurate and I had lost the trail of the jinchuriki by the time I had arrived."

His eye scanned the woman in front of him. "This woman on the other hand, has proven to be an adequate, if not somewhat perplexing consolation prize."

Pain turned to look at Tobi with his rippled eyes, analyzing the masked man's movements for something that would betray his thoughts. "Oh? It is not often that something unexpected has this much of your attention. I must admit that the trinkets on her body are interesting, however it is not unlike my Asura Path. Do not tell me you are interested in what will likely be a spare replacement."

This time the Uchiha did snort as he took out a small cylinder like object and held the hollow end up. Pressing the button he had seen the woman hit earlier during their brief encounter, he watched as a beam of light that clearly resembled a sword with an eerie humming noise. He marveled at the fact that the device didn't take up any of his chakra, and the subtle but clearly intense heat emitted from the "blade". "Oh the woman's armaments were without a doubt interesting. If Sasori could replicate even a fraction of what she has it would prove to be a great boon to our efforts. However that wasn't what I was most interested in."

With a casual wave he sliced through the corner of the table the woman was lying on without any problems at all. His eyes noted the melted metal left where the weapon had come in contact.

Then he held out his left arm and casually swiped at it with the blade. It passed through with no resistance. He was unharmed and his arm was intact.

"What is that supposed to prove?" Nagato frowned. "I grow tired of your showboating."

"Just a test." Tobi frowned, deep in thought. "Pay it no mind."

His arm had not remained intact when she had done the same thing…

When he had first appeared near where he had sensed the Kyubi, he had initially intended to ignore the woman. She wasn't anyone important and didn't have any headbands on her, so he just chalked her up as a civilian that was at the wrong place at the wrong time… that happened to have survived being almost at ground zero of a biju bomb detonation with only a few minor scratches. Yeah he probably should have taken that into account earlier.

Regardless, she had noticed him rather quickly, which did make him edit his initial assumptions, and instantly went on guard.

The look she gave him told him that she didn't recognize him or his clothes at all, so in his defense he _did_ try to just make her ignore him. At first he had attempted to just make her drop her guard with his usual goofball "Tobi" routine and persona…

Apparently he never got the memo that masked people that pop from out of nowhere and act like fools in the multiverse tend to be magnificently dangerous and malevolent individuals more often than not.

It didn't seem to appeal to the woman. He barely got three sentences out before she started to fire at him with her peculiar weapons and projectiles. He had counted twelve individual pipes and chakra conducting devices poking out of her cloak before they discharged right at him.

Whoever it was that she had in mind must have been someone formidable, since she nearly took out the top of the mountain they were on with her initial assault. Given the sharp look in her eyes the moment she started attacking, odds were that she had encountered someone else that used this tactic before and wasn't taking any chances.

Admittedly, Tobi was relieved his eye were able to catch the woman's subtle tells just before she attacked. Her projectiles were impossibly fast compared to the ninjutsu and projectiles that he was used to. His intangibility made him practically invulnerable to anything save for the strongest genjutsu, but only when it was active. He still had to activate it to make it of any use.

What happened next though was the real reason why he kidnapped her.

Not even before the flying debris reached the apex of their trajectories, the foreigner changed tactics. He had seen her eyes widen momentarily when she saw her attacks pass right through him before regaining their cool focus and she charged forward with no hesitation. The peculiar devices and weapons she had used earlier had disappeared under her coat in a heartbeat only to be replaced by the light sword that he was wielding now.

Tobi had decided to maintain his childish persona, having determined that the woman was peculiarly strong, but not a threat to him, and didn't try to run away from the attack…

One step away from him, he suddenly… saw? Felt? Experienced? … Some sensation was suddenly emitted from her that made her dangerous. Following his instincts he had pulled back and dodged at the last moment, but for some peculiar reason he felt as if his efforts simply… _weren't_ … enough.

His intuition was proven correct as in that last second decision he had avoided getting killed and instead only lost his arm.

The next moment they had made eye contact, he had dropped her like a rock without holding back without any reservations.

Four seconds later he had grabbed the woman and his fallen arm and teleported away just as he felt someone else arrive. He didn't get a good look, but it was clear that the foreigner had allies, and if they were capable of harming him like she did he would be in a poor position given he needed to reattach his limb soon.

"You still have yet to say what you wish to do with her." Pain all but demanded, once more grating on Tobi's nerves. Whether it was on purpose or not the Uchiha didn't know, but he wouldn't be surprised either way.

"She revealed some interesting techniques during our brief encounter. Ones I feel might be useful for our cause." He replied honestly. Anyone that could actually harm him while he was intangible was someone of interest as far as he was concerned. Of course, he was going to be the first to learn and master it before its existence was revealed to the others. "I am going to interrogate her for all she is worth before having her teach them to the men. Sasori would probably be more than eager to talk to her about her trinkets and how they work."

"It has been several days since you brought her here." The formal leader of the group stated, all but pointing out that by all means they should have managed to get everything from her by now.

"Like I said, she has some peculiar jutsu and characteristics. I'm being a bit more thorough, but even so it's taking more time than expected to take hold. Keeping her alive and functional may be in our best interests." The one eyed man shrugged simply.

"… It is not often that you are willing to utilize your stronger genjutsu, and for such blatant purposes." This time Tobi really did have trouble reading Nagato. His voice was as neutral as ever, but what was underneath… it could be trepidation, curiosity, cautiousness, hell even excitement for all he knew.

He'd have to keep a close eye on the woman just in case someone else gets any smart ideas.

"We are hunting the Biju now." He shrugged simply. "We already know that at least some of the villages know that we are to act soon, or already acting. While I have confidence in our chances of success, it doesn't hurt to have an extra boost whenever possible. She doesn't seem to be from any of the villages so no one will miss or recognize her. Not mentioned in any bingo book either. Local, foreign, she doesn't show up in any that were made in the past decade."

"Someone of interest that you don't know much about. Even I am curious now." Pain mused. "I can see why you don't want me to take information via the normal means this time."

"I plan on interrogating her soon before putting her information to the test." Tobi ignored the man's comment. "What of the operations? Are they on schedule?"

"Yes. Despite the setback in Suna, we should still be on track for capturing the targets." Pain turned away from the unconscious woman. She was no longer the topic of conversation and she had no more importance for now. "These next two months should be quite productive."

"Indeed." Tobi didn't turn away, staring at the woman and contemplating all that had transpired lately. Despite Nagato's confidence at the information that the Uzumaki could control the Kyubi, something that was absolutely unheard of considering he was neither a Senju nor an Uchiha, Tobi was worried about something else.

Konoha had proven that they were more than prepared and aware of their presence and at least some of their goals. The incidents three years ago were enough to indicate as much, and their sudden rise of quality shinobi was another. The hidden leader of Akatsuki had no doubt that they were keeping their ears to the ground for their activities, and an open mind for any event that involved jinchuriki.

In short, he had doubt that the leaf would be completely ignorant to all of their schemes, and could very well get in the way of them if they tried. No, he was certain that they would at this point. They had yet to make a move, but it was only a matter of time, and now would be ideal for them to act. Especially since Naruto Uzumaki had finally revealed himself to the world once more.

Like the saying goes, it's only paranoia if no one is after you. _He_ might not be in his enemy's scopes yet, but Akatsuki certainly was.

"You seem to be lost in thought quite frequently as of late." Pain stopped walking away but did not turn around.

"Better that than to assume that things will go perfectly at this stage. As competent as our forces are, I am not foolish enough to believe that everything will go to plan."

"You are having second thoughts?"

"No. Merely thinking of… alterations."

o. o. o.

Omake: There are some lines that even (most of) the Oogakari won't cross.

"Do it."

"No."

"Do it."

"No."

"Dew eeet."

"Hell no."

"I said do it woman!" Shadow snapped at Tsunade in her office, holding out a pen while leaning over a document for the woman to clearly sign.

"And I said no you insane little shit!" The Hokage snapped back, not relenting an inch despite facing down what was one of the most powerful existences in the multiverse. "I'm not making a "give Shadow Oogakari free candy on sight" holiday! We literally can't afford to do such an impossible thing! You're a black hole of sugar and artificial preservatives!"

"It is a black hole made by GOD! NOW BOW AND OBEY!" The immortal argued, waving her pen around in a childish manner.

"I've suddenly become atheist. Now since I don't believe in you anymore, disappear in a way that gets you out of my office so I can do my damn job." The Senju countered bluntly.

"You will follow my decree or else… or else…" The sugar crazed woman fumbled on her words as she tried to think of something to get her point across. "Can't do that… did that last week… saving that one for a bachelor party next month… oh… oh I know… eheheheh."

"Shadow, we had an agreement. No maniacal laughter during business hours or in public." Tsunade deadpanned. "Need I remind you of how Waltz reacted when you lost control over yourself near the orphanage?"

"Heheheheh." It wasn't a full blown laughter with three different octaves and heard for miles around, but it was still creepy. "You will sign my paper, or else I will enact… Operation Ladyboner."

"… Operation what now?"

"Operation Lady-"

Crack!

The immortal was interrupted as Crypt's head burst through the floorboards. It would have been almost normal for him, had he not been growling menacingly at his sister like a rabid dog.

SLAM!

The main door burst open at the might of Waltz Oogakari's might… then slammed back into place, blocking any further entry from the half a dozen shinobi and civilians that had seen the old man appear from nowhere and barge into the woman's office.

"The hell you're going to do that to us Shadow!" The giant all but shouted. "You know damn well that one is restricted for a reason!"

"She forced my hand." The girl smiled sweetly, completely ignoring the fact that she was pegged so quickly. "Besides, Zuzushi wants it too."

It was only then that Tsunade noticed that the Elder Demon Dragon Goddess… Thing, had materialized on its container's head in its miniature form and was nodding its head eagerly like a child.

"Zuzushi be damned! We are not pulling off Ladyboner!" Ghost snapped from behind Tsunade, making the woman jump in surprise and almost making her slug him halfway across the village on pure reflex.

"I concur." Scabbard's voice echoed throughout the room, indicating that he had not only bugged it at some point, but had taken liberties to put in speakers too. "I know we have agreed that Ladyboner was permitted once max per main town we live in, but the timing and the purpose for it are irrational."

Crypt growled in what could only be considered agreement.

"But!" Shadow began to argue in self defense with wide innocent eyes. Zuzushi mimicked her host's actions perfectly.

"NO!" The four brothers snapped in unison. It must have been damn important if Crypt was being coherent for once.

"Squeak!" Zuzushi tried to argue in their defense.

Crypt countered by growling even louder. It would have probably had more of an impact if he wasn't focusing on giving a nearby chair the death glare.

"Don't you remember the last time we did it?!" Ghost stressed.

"It was beautiful!" Shadow threw her arms up in the air.

"It was a nightmare!" Waltz mimicked her gesture. "It traumatized Crypt! CRYPT! There's barely enough of him left TO traumatize anymore! And he hated the damn thing before that!"

Crypt growled in agreement as he continued to slide through the floor and constantly bump his head into a nearby bookshelf.

Tsunade sweatdropped and remained quiet, not bothering to remind the immortals that she was in the room.

"Brothers. Subjugate the offenders." Scabbard's voice coldly demanded from the intercom, and from Tsunade's perspective everything around her blurred in various colors and noises. For a brief moment she had been experiencing the world with an additional five senses before everything once more fell back into place.

Her office appeared to still be in once place minus some shallow cuts into the floors, some black tentacles hanging from the ceiling, and the demonic circle glowing beneath a tied up, blindfolded, and gagged pair of Shadow and Zuzushi.

"Send them away! Send them to the bad place with the stuff and things!" Ghost claimed with flamboyant authority.

Moments later the seal glowed bright enough to blind the room, her room was fixed and they were all gone…

Save for Crypt who was now sticking out of the ceiling and sleeping peacefully.

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched irritably. "I don't suppose you'd give me some exposition would you?"

"She wanted us to strip in public in a very sexy way." The sleeping man replied evenly. "We are very pretty. It would have cause many women to question themselves and their preferences. Eventually they would force themselves on their boyfriends to convince themselves they aren't crazy. Then they'd see me and do it again."

"… What."

"I'm a natural super bishi. Women try to rape me if I put an effort into looking pretty and am covered in baby oil. I don't like it. They don't go away. Like the floor. Women are spawn of the floor… eeeeevvviiillll."

The Hokage stared at the head on the ceiling for almost a minute before calmly getting up, walking to the door, opening it, and sticking her head out.

"… Shizune! Double, no, TRIPLE my work load today!"

There was a brief and awkward silence before Shizune approached her boss. There was no doubt she had heard of Shadow and Waltz bursting into her room by now. "That bad?"

"It's either this or I drink myself blind within half an hour."

"… I'll get the civilian requests. They should keep you busy till you pass out."

"You have no idea how much that means to me. You really don't, and I pray you never will."

o. o. o.

A/N:

… Ok. Long story short, my holiday vacation sucked on multiple reasons. Both personal and for my family. I won't go into the personal, but on the family side, my grandfather died five days before Christmas and wrecked the pacing of things. Hell we're still dealing with the fallout. Doesn't help that everyone kept on saying he was the person I got most of my personality from… not the funny bits, the man was dull as hell, but everything else. Hell I even saw him half a day earlier and while he looked like crap he didn't seem at death's door just yet.

On the other side, I got the line "I said Cocks, not Fox!" from this entire fiasco. Word for word. No joke… kinda. It made sense in context and had relevance to the situation. Sad thing is that it's probably going to be one of the things I'll remember the most about granddad dying.

Grandma's not taking it well either way. She's already starting to show some unsettling signs of shock.

But yeah, I got absolutely screwed over this holiday season and everything is out of whack. All the big stuff happened in a week and snowballed from there. Actually the first few events came just before I posted the last chapter, which explains the lack of an Authors note for it. This chapter probably would have come out earlier if I wasn't assaulted from all sides at once.

Onto less stressful things.

Fate Stay Night Unlimited Blade Works… obviously. Playing Alpha Saphire. Got lots of things off of the steam winter sales. Read some fics. Watched the third hobbit movie. Sister got a pet chameleon. It died cause it was sick from the get go. Then she got a pet baby pet corn snake, so my Sundays are entertained by feeding it frozen baby mice. Only have a few more classes to finish my graduate degree so that's something. She also got net flicks for Christmas so the family has been abusing it like crazy.

Naruto's over. I read the summery of the last movie and… honestly, Kishimoto can't write a love story for the life of him. Plus… moon people? Ignoring the stupidity of that alone, wasn't the whole, body thing of the ten tails sealed in the moon. Wouldn't they… you know… notice the damn thing if it went missing? Wouldn't they be obligated to do something about the end of the world? Its just… ugh. This is why I don't argue against people that convince themselves that my story is the new cannon. It's less stupid…

Let me repeat myself. Yet Again With A Little Extra Help and Take Two Round Two, are LESS STUPID than CANNON.

Just… just let that sink in for a bit.

Yeah.

Anyways, holiday season is over, but if possible I would like something to counteract the shitty mood I've been in lately. Fanarts of my versions of the Naruto characters would be nice. Oogakari would be good too, but there's a lack of the former. The new designs were mentioned in TTRT chapter… 2 or 3 I believe. Plus some updates in the characters section of tvtropes would be good too.

So… yeah. Plot wise, this is where things _really_ start to deviate from cannon and go to hell. I know people have been complaining about how Akatsuki is going to be overrun easily now, well here is the beginning of me letting out the evil laughter that I've been holding back since people started to complain, and believe me it's only going to get louder and harder as time goes on.

Honestly, how could you doubt that I wouldn't make this easy for the main characters? If I wanted this story to be an easy sweep I could have ended it in YAWALEH. Fuck that. People are going to die on both sides and things are going to get twisted.

But in an amusing and epic way for the most part. It wouldn't be YAWALEH and TTRT if it wasn't.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! BEWARE THE LADYBONER! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


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